i am trying really hard to love myself more

This is a rant but, like, you know. It would be nice if you read, if, like. You have patience and time? idk lmao

 (adm: Hey guys!! Some things are kind of getting out of control, and honestly I don’t even know where to start, but…! I’m putting this under a cut because it’s so long lmao [I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE]

Keep reading

I will follow @thechillhippie ‘s lead and try to love my body a little bit more.

I’ve been trying to love myself and to be honest it was really hard to upload this. I took progress pictures for myself when I first changed my diet and started to work out more. This picture is a few months old, but currently I am back at high-school weight. 

I am learning to love myself.

i don’t really talk about this because i am always afraid someone will try and hold it against me as “evidence” that im not really a boy but that post made me feel better so why not

I identified very strongly as a lesbian in the years before I realized I was trans? Like, it was a big part of my life. It was how I felt at that time when I didn’t know enough about my gender identity to have a more accurate label

And it’s really, really hard for me to suddenly separate myself from that mindset and community. I still love the lesbian community and I love wlw posts even tho they no longer apply to me, because, I mean, that was my life for awhile you know. That was still me. That’s part of my life experience. I still have the immediate reaction of “wow I’m gay” when I see a cute girl

Like as I grew up and explored my identity and self reflected, I came to the realization that im a boy, and I have no doubts about that now, but I don’t think that means I should have to erase those parts of my life

Hello Tumblr family.

This is me, in my total natural state. No make up, eyebrows not done, blemishes and marks on my skin, hair naturally curly and glasses because I’m blind as a bat. Self- love is appreciating all of what natural me has to offer.

I’m not perfectly shaped either. I don’t have big hips or a perfect butt or the perfect height.

However, my body is perfect enough for me!

Lately or over the past few months, my mental state has been all over the place. Dealing with an extremely hard break up and figuring out what I’ll be doing in my life career wise has been a tough journey. Even though I am doing better at coping without him, I feel like I’ve been pushed back emotionally. It’s hard to let anyone in and move on. But I guess that’s natural.

What I do want is to be really real with myself, love myself and appreciate all of my flaws(not gonna try to make myself look like a perfect IG model), love God more and trust in Him.

I have a long way to go, but I think I’ll be just fine.

So, I have been unfollowing a lot of people lately for the #thinspo pictures they post. And I kind of feel awful about it, because I want to support everyone, but I just can’t. I don’t want to get my inspiration by wanting to look like someone else. I don’t want to think I have to be skinny to be loved. Yes, I do want to lose weight, but I’ve been trying really hard to do it in a healthy way. And seeing post after post of beautiful girls with bodies that society says is more acceptable than mine, is not inspiring to me. It actually makes me hate myself. It makes me want to not eat. It makes me want to eat everything.

I guess what I’m saying is- I don’t want to shame anyone who gets their inspiration a different way than I do (or even anyone who has worked hard and looks like those beautiful girls), but I also am doing what is best for my mental health.

Stay healthy, kids. Love yourself.

I know this may seem like a pointless selfie, but it took me a LOT to just post this. This is one of my biggest and most crippling insecurities. So here you go tumblr, this is what people irl see when I talk to them. Even just strangers in the hall at school will point it out. I have been teased, bullied, and rejected just because I have a stupid lazy eye. The torture hasn’t been so bad since I’ve started high school(thank god) but all through elementary and middle school it has caused me absolute hell. I don’t like being called a circus act. Every time I even tried to stand up for myself when being bullied about it, they ALWAYS say “omg are you even talking to me? Are you looking at me or over there? Haha freak” I’ve been trying so hard to love myself more, and I have to accept that this is part of who I am. It may not seem bad, but dealing with ridicule for 9 years have made me absolutely hate my eyes. I can’t take compliments of my eyes seriously, I can’t see past my stupid wondering eye. But I really want to take a step toward accepting this feature of myself. I see people on the street with lazy eyes, and I feel a little better about it because I know that I wasn’t alone in the ostracizing. This is a common condition but no matter how common it is, people are still going to be bullied over it. Which sucks. I just hope they’re happier with themselves than I have been, but hey, this is me. This is part of who I am. I know someone is going to love me past it, I just need to learn to love myself past it.

I'm a good mare really I am..

Wanted to say sorry I haven’t draw, Sorry haven’t make the inbox. I’m working on it one thing at a time. I am doing good just a little upset to myself. I really do love/like my friends and followers. It’s just been hard for me not to post more art. I’m not a wizard at keeping track on tumblr. Also I sometimes get busy with life and stuff. I am trying my best to keep things going really I am… For this day on I’ll work on my inbox, then my page.. I’ll do whatever I can to make everyone happy..Again so,so sorry for not posting more. The Good news is I can still make stores and role-play for fun. That gives me a chance to be loved & feel alright. Thank you for being there for me even though I’m not there. I’m still trying & won’t give up on you. Your friend Amber

nitrateglow  asked:

23 yr old bisexual female, 5'4. Reserved though more outgoing and affectionate once I get to know someone. I love the arts (writing is my biggest passion) and dream of traveling. I like to present myself as jaded but really I'm more idealistic than I want to admit. I try my best to be diplomatic and open-minded when dealing with others, and I am willing to work hard for what I want. Flaws- I take things too personally (esp. criticism) and am a little hard to get to know according to some folks.

I ship you with Gamora! She’d feel more comfortable around you then she did with the others. She would be perfectly content to sit together quietly while you write and she cleaned her sword. Both of you would be rather composed but in time you’d let each know each and every secret you had. She wouldn’t mind having to work to get to know you.

So I finally beat Echoes today. I am very proud of myself for doing the whole thing on hard mode first try. Gameplay was sometimes a bit frustrating but overall I had a fun time of it.
The storytelling was done well, and I really dug the visual novel clicking. More worldbuilding all around which is a plus. While there was no one I loved to the extent of say Takumi and Reyson, there were still many characters I enjoyed (you’ve probably already seen me reblog fanart of them too). And the music was obviously fantastic.

However, the actual plot completely lost me once Act 4 rolled around. It was solid before then, but then the way Celica’ character arc just.. deteriorated as if we were meant to laught at her stupidity… yeah that was just uncomfortable and lame. I know Echoes is build on the bones of a 1992 game, but the female lead deserved to have at least some agency towards the end..
And once we are at it, some of those endings made no sense at all. Mathilda retiring from knighthood? I thought she loved fighting, and Clive loved her fighting too??
The main romance (Alm/Celica) also fell a bit flat for me. I liked the balcony scene at least, but they had so little interaction and mostly spend their time wistfully saying each others name.. Just didn’t jive with me I guess.

Overall I’d say the game is a solid experience and I got my money’s worth. Don’t think I’ll be replaying it any time soon though, and not just because of the mountain of other games to play.

anonymous asked:

(1/2l Hi asy, I am in need of some auntie assistance. My gf of 2.5 yrs broke up with me at the beginning of may. It was a really hard time. It, along with some other factors, lead to a near slip back into major depression. I'm just now trying to get back on my feet and recollect myself. But today she told me she regrets her decision and wants to get back together. I still love her but she also told me she was talking to and hooked up with a guy just last week.

(2/2) she thinks I’m just mad because it was a guy. But I think it’s more because of how recent it is. I am afraid that she just wants comfort because he turned out to be an asshole. What are your thoughts? Am I just being petty or just plain wrong? Please help me auntie asy I am so confused

Look, I’m not going to be able to have the final say on this - only you are. But I will say that it sounds like a bad situation that is just going to make a painful breakup longer and more painful. I don’t think her sleeping with someone else really makes that much of a difference (sex means different things to different people), but she broke up with you. You felt like crap over it, now she wants you back?

IDK dude, this usually doesn’t end that well. Either she’s impulsive and made a bad decision to break up with you because she doesn’t know herself very well, she’s emotionally unstable, she thought she didn’t really want to be with you but she’s changed her mind, she “thinks you can do better than her” or whatever… but whatever it is, she broke up with you. I mean, everyone can make mistakes, but after a single month, you really think she’s changed that much as a person that she won’t make the same mistake, or another one that’s 

Look, I’m sure a bunch of relationships have stayed together long term after breaking up before, so I’m not saying it can’t be done. I just… well, you already doubt that it’s a good idea. Some part of you knows you can’t trust her.. Why don’t you listen to your gut?

Hello everyone. I was not sure if I wanted so submit my picture here, but I thought why not. Firstly, I would like to thank the creator of this blog, because it makes me feel less lonely when it comes of having a strange, big nose. If talking about that, my nose is very very very ugly. I mean extremely ugly. It kind of ruins my life, because when I was younger I got bullied because of it, I got harsh comments which I can’t get over with even now. My nose is long, big and has a strange form. Besides that of course it had to be even uglier as it has a deep line ( i don’t really know how to explain it) going across the end of my nose and it is very visible. I freaking hate my profile, but what i can’t stand even more is ¾ side (if that makes sense). I try so hard to love myself the way I am but it’s just not working. When I see myself in the mirror, or a picture captured from a different side i just want to crawl into my sheets and never see daylight again. I had various occasions when i googled how mush would a nose job cost, but of course, i couldn’t afford that. So the only thing that is left is to love myself the way I am or at least try. My friends and family say that i look good and that my nose suits me and it doesn’t bother them, but I know they say that because they want to comfort me. I am not fucking blind and we can all see that it is fucking ugly.

So all of us, big nose owners, should just try to love ourselves, to rock our different and unique looks, even tho it’s very hard. But I think as we grow, we will pay less attention to it ant eventually get over it and live in peace and harmony with ourselves. 

I wish you all love and confidence!

(submitted by easylightly)

jenoreo8d  asked:

Once you get this you have to say five things you love about yourself, publicly. Then you have to send this to ten of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool 🌹)

awwww thank you!!! :)

hmmm 5 things…

1. I’m really in touch with my roots more specifically my mexican side

2. I just graduated university so im pretty proud about that

3. I guess my teeth? people always compliment me about how straight and nice they are, even cortney from 2minjinkjongkey complimented them when i met her at the shinee concert lol

4. I’ve always liked my taste in music i think it’s pretty good

5. i actually like how more outspoken i am now before i used to never speak up for myself and would let people step all over me and i’m still pretty reserved but i try not to take any of that shit anymore lol

thats all i can really think of it was hard but thanks again love you!!

Ya know, it would be super cool if I never interacted with my mom ever again, but she could still be happy. That would be super duper cool.

Cause having to interact with her and pretend I don’t mind, and everyone around me telling me to be nice to her and look how hard she’s trying and she really does love you why can’t you be nice to her, is absolute hell.

I am constantly being reminded that it’s not that bad, that it could’ve been worse, that she’s changed so much, that she never hit me, that she tried her best.

I. Don’t. Care.

It was bad. It was so, so bad, having to deal with her and everything else in my life by myself for so fucking long. And I hate her for that. I still hate her for that. And more than anything I want her to leave me alone. I want that entire side of the family to leave me alone. Them acting like I don’t exist is preferable to having to deal with them.

tomatograffiti  asked:

Hi :) I was wondering if you had any tips for keeping motivated for self-study every day? I always seem to go on 'binges' and study a lot, then burn out and go months without doing anything with Japanese. Even when I try and make the effort to slow down I eventually do less and less. After years, I'm probably only around N4 level. I sincerely love the language and want to be able to understand/use it but this 'all or nothing' problem is getting ridiculous. Thanks for your time :)

Hi! Sorry for the delay in my response to this, I’ve been mulling it over for a few days now.

The answer is in the question for me ‘every day’. I do some Japanese study every single day no matter what, even if it’s 10m fighting with myself every second of the way. This means that studying is built into my routine now and I have an unbroken study streak of studying every single day since 3rd January now, which alone is enough to make me do at least something on the worst days.

Studying no matter what and being motivated to do so are two different things though. Here has what’s helped me this year:

-Use SMART targets,

SMART targets should be:
Specific- exactly what will you be able to do, in detail. Hold a 3m conversation using everyday Japanese? Read Harry Potter and understand >80% of it? Be able to order in a restaurant? Understand typical kanji on menus? Goals like ‘read and understand 80% of a book’ are not specific enough, you need to say which book, or reading level.

Measurable- The outcome needs to be one you can test and check to see if you’ve achieved it or not. Think about how you’ll know you’ve reached your desired level.

Attainable- You need to be able to reach your goal within your current means, so having a goal of getting an MA in Japanese when you have absolutely no means of going to university is unfortunately not a SMART target, getting your Japanese to a standard where you can consistently pass the entry test to a Japanese MA within the next 6 months, however, might be a SMART target for some people.

Realistic- I tend to have all or nothing thinking, and think along these lines ‘From this day forward, I will study a minimum of 6 hours a day, every day, forever!’. I am the queen of unrealistic learning goals…

Timely- Within what time frame do you plan to reach your goal? Many of my past goals have fallen to the wayside purely because I have decided ‘This time I’m gonna be tough!’ and then struggle with the brutal regime I’ve set for myself, quickly failing and quitting entirely. This is no good in the long term. Be kind to yourself, you’ll keep going longer and clock up more study time overall that way.

-Log everything, every last minute, keep a running total and set weekly goals. I went into a lot of detail about this in the 7 posts that you can find here.

-I like totalisers, probably because they were all over TV in the 80s, so I make little grids that I colour in as I get closer to any goal.

-I switch book/topic whenever I’m bored, typically I’ll finish the page or section before moving on, but if I’m really sick of something I’ll just put it down and try to keep studying but with a different book or technique. This isn’t the most efficient way to learn, but it does mean that I keep going when I would otherwise just stop entirely for that day. This has done much to remove the sense of dread I have about certain tasks. I still hate SRS and kanji drilling, but I’m more inclined to make an effort if I know that I can do what I can stand and stop, without any guilt or berating myself, then go on to a different topic. No, I don’t study kanji enough, but I have studied them a lot more than I would’ve done if I’d continued trying to just force myself to learn x number of characters a day, no matter how long it took.

-Don’t be soft on yourself, but don’t brutalise yourself either. Balance is key! For me logging helps me to get honest with how much I’m doing, when I’m tired or bored I ask myself ‘Can you do 5m more?’ and more often than not I can, I squeeze in extra study which all adds up to hours overall. On a good day I try to ‘build up’ extra hours off that week’s total, which then allow me to have an easy day should I need to later in the week. When I am dead tired I stop and rest, but I make sure I go back the next day and keep going. On a week that’s good, I’ll do more than double my minimum target study time. I have no perspective and totally black and white thinking, so only by seeing objective evidence written down can I gain some perspective on what my progress really looks like.

-My goals are x number of HOURS of active Japanese learning a week, this means I can meet the goal by just trying, even if my best is really not up to scratch that week, even if I just don’t want to drill flashcards any more or write another kanji. I can rack up hours doing something rather than nothing.

-
For me what I am documenting is how hard I am trying to learn. I need recognition for my efforts, I love getting this from other people and am a total praise whore, but I also need it from myself. So anime counts, learning songs counts, going to karaoke and practising all Japanese songs for an hour counts. I don’t count conversations or messaging in Japanese on social media, or Tumblr, because then I’d slip into counting all my time with my BF as study time, when it really isn’t active learning.  I definitely don’t count having crunchyroll on in the background and not paying attention, I need to be actively listening to log it as study time. This article on Tofugu talks about quantity over quality and I’m trying to take that to heart.

- When possible study with others if this helps you, find a community online and take an active part, this helps me to know I’m not alone in hating transitive and intransitive verbs. It helps me see others who are role models and who I aspire to be like too.

- Make learning fun. I respond well to fixed short term goals (like Tadoku). Case in point- 3 weeks ago I had 100 kanji flashcards to study, my BF said he’d buy me a bottle of iced tea if I could read all the kanji on the flashcards in 10m. This made me stupid motivated, I failed the first time by about 5 cards, he wanted to buy me the tea anyway but I said no. I tried again that evening and did the lot in 6m. If you too are insanely competitive then this kind of challenge might help you. That tea tasted like victory.

-Find things you are excited by or curious about. This has been hard for me as I’m not massively into J-pop, anime or manga. I really enjoyed doing the Tadoku contest in March and found reading to be relaxing and enjoyable as well as very beneficial. I’ve found some songs I love and try to translate and learn them. The reason I want to learn Japanese is to be more involved in daily life here, I still feel very much on the periphery, this can mean studying at home is difficult, as study materials don’t necessarily directly relate to my goal, or at least not in an exciting way.

-Celebrate and embrace milestones. It’s hard to see any improvement in my Japanese when conversing with Japanese native speakers, maybe I’ve gone up about 2-5% in proficiency this year, that is hard for anyone to notice, but I know that that the only way to get better is in increments. It’s one reason why I’m using the JLPT as an arbitrary milestone, because I know I was failing mock tests at the start of the year and I’m not now, that is measurable improvement and I find that really helps motivate me.

The intermediate plateau is well-documented and sucks, but you can definitely get through it and gain the rewards of being able to really read and understand with much more ease the Japanese which is evading you at the moment.

TL:DR Of all this advice I think doing what you can and keeping going, but switching task when bored has been the most beneficial. A kinder, effort based, approach has helped me become a much more motivated student in the last 6 months.

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i’m trying really hard not to be so harsh on myself and the way i look. i know i should love my body and not punish it by starving myself and slowly but surely i am noticing the change within myself, a healthier attitude towards my relationship with food. food is fuel!!! you need it!!! nothing good will ever come from depriving your body of what it needs. i’ve been trying to be more body positive lately and just taking a few mirror pics each day can really help to boost your confidence. there’s a long way for me to go before i’m happy with what i see in the mirror, but ill get there 💚💪🏻

In love times two...

I haven’t blogged in awhile so I thought it was time to check in with all you beautiful people. So I want to start by saying I am very lucky poly girl, I have two loves, most supportive loving husband ever, and my very caring devoted boyfriend. I am in a situation where I feel very secure and have stopped looking for anything more. My heart is so full of love. I have ran into a couple of struggles with this new amazing journey I have started to take and imagine there to be more. All and all I am so very happy. I wasn’t even actively looking for another love when my boyfriend fell into my life, I was trying to heal from a broken heart and there he was waiting for my love without even knowing it. It all started with a whisper. I am very lucky to have found something so real and I could see us having a future together which is scary but very exciting. My husband has had to overcome some struggles with how real this situation is compared to all the others, but he has come so far and he is so amazing in the way he loves me and supports me in my relationship with my new love. They haven’t yet met but both are very open to it. I know I just have to let things happen naturally but sometimes it’s hard and I catch myself trying to play god in the situation. Lucky enough both of my men are patient while I am trying to figure out how to just let go and let love. I feel so loved and lucky to be able to know what it’s like to really love two individuals. I have wanted exactly this for so long and here I am, We have finally arrived, LIving this out to the fullest. I am loving with everything I am and making long lasting memories. I can’t wait to see what’s to come. I have so much more to say about this but I have stuff to do, and people to see, So till next time my loves. Have a good day and thank you for reading.

-Nikki <3

Talking is hard and conversations are harder and I am not really doing the latter rn. If I seem distant, it’s just my anxiety/depression kicking my ass. I love you, and I am trying to take it easy on myself and rest up so I can be more me. Sorry I’m neglecting you. I promise it isn’t your fault.

TL:DR teachers are people, too

I’m most likely gonna be very scarce on social media (as you may have noticed) for a while. I don’t know how long. I’ve just taken up my first position as a teacher, while also attempting to finish my magister’s essay in English and get my license to teach. Oh and we’re renovating the bedroom too!

Being a new teacher, with very little understanding of how the organisation works, both at administrative and practical levels, is very time-consuming and stressful. Term started less than 2 weeks ago and my stomach has pretty much crashed already. I have had a constant headache since last Monday. Last weekend I missed a wedding ceremony and this week I missed a meeting with my boss. All very alarming signs of stress syndrome in my case.

I’ve still gone to work every day, because as a teacher, one cannot really just call in sick and hand over your responsibilities to someone else. Only I know the lesson I’ve planned to give my students, after all, and I alone know their needs in my particular classroom. If I were to call in sick; I would still need to do a full hand-over of eveything I’ve meant to teach during the time I’ll be away, and seeing as I don’t always know that myself, what with the lack of planning-time, I cannot just be ill in peace but will have to work on lesson plans from home in order to give the substitute teacher a chance…

Sorry, I don’t mean to rant about my work, I’m sure none of you are really interested in all this, but I just… 

I knew it would be hard work. I’ve always known. And I welcome challenges like unmotivated students, or students who have special needs in regards to language barriers etc. I really do! I love to try and find different kinds of assignments and I relish in the chance to explain over and over with a hundred tiny variations so that a student can finally understand what is asked of them.

But I am now responsible for the education of nearly 70 teenagers, most of which are completely indifferent both in relation to myself and the subject I long to make them enjoy. More than ten of them are not only indifferent but quite obviously unimpressed with me and my efforts to the point of being really fucking annoying. One or two have already mastered the ability to get a rise out of me. 

I really need to get more resilient, losing my temper is not gonna make any of them respect me more. And I feel incredibly sorry for the students who have to hear me shout at their classmates and disrupt their focus all the time. But… Honestly, it is a bit of a shock. I’ve always understood the lack of motivation during these years in school, hell I was a really bad student myself, and I know other things get in the way as well… But. I have never talked to an adult the way some of these kids talk to me. 

I don’t know where I am going with this. I suppose… I wanna ask any and all of you who are still in school to please, please be kind to your teachers. We work so incredibly hard, and it fucking hurts when all that energy is just waved off as though we are some annoying fly getting in the way of what the students find more important. It would be very nice to be able to see that the people I teach care as much about their education as I do.