i am trying really hard to love myself more

anonymous asked:

I've been struggling with my feelings on a lot of fronts. I am a girl dating a guy who I love but sometimes it's hard to tell how he feels. At the same time I think I am really having a hard time figuring out how I feel about other women while also developing a crush on my male best friend. It's all really confusing. And every time I try to fix things with my boyfriend and communicate that it's hard to tell if he loves me, I convince myself it's fixed and fool myself. I feel like a fool.

If you want to PM me about the situation in more detail I have some relationship advice and I make a pretty good listener!!

hi @taylorswift !
I know the chances of you seeing this are like one in a million but i just wanna say that i love you so freaking much!
You have helped me become so much more confident and made me start to learn to love myself! You and your music have just had a huge positive impact on me. When i was younger I used to try really really hard to fit and in and be someone I’m not and now I’ve started being myself and embracing who i am and just in the last one to two years I’ve become so much happier!
Your music has always been there for me when I’m down and I’m really grateful that i have that to fall back on when I’m down. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with the world and helping others by doing so xx
Anyway i adore you Taylor and i am so so happy that you’re apart of my life,
Lots of love from
Clíodhna

anonymous asked:

(1/3)Hi! I was hoping I could get a matchup? I am genderfluid and pan, about 5’7”. I have a really hard time presenting male because of my chest size, red hair (though right now I have greens, blues, purples, and pinks in it too), and hazel eyes. I draw a lot, and I enjoy pranking people,

(2/3) (nothing *too* mean though, I prefer things the target can laugh at too). I also like cooking for my loved ones. I can cook pretty well ^^ I am trying to become more confident in myself and my skills, and I do my best to stick up for others.          

(3/3). I am nervous about trusting new people too easily due to my past, but I am loyal to my friends and family. I also have a tendency to get emotional easily, and cry when I get really angry, which I hate. Thank you~~<3            

I would match you with… Scheherazade!

> While you try your best to achieve the confidence you desire, Scheherazade is the best companion for you. Walking the path alongside you, but leaving you the freedom to refine yourself and just having you back as she encourages you to keep going with a smile

> If necessary she will let you cry into her shoulder at anytime if there is anything frustrating you, too overwhelming to bear. The magi won’t mind your tears at all as she pats your head and holds you close, whispering words of admiration for your actions and that you’ve come too far to let yourself get down now, telling you it’s okay to rest once in a while

> While Scheherazade appears to be strict and a little bit like a fun killer, as long as you don’t seriously hurt or anger someone she’s okay with you pranks. Whenever she thinks about the silliness of pranks a small smile will appear on her lips, as she will be reminded of the old days when she did a lot of stupid things, the thought making her feel refreshed and lift her mood

> She is glad to know that you will stand with her and will do her best to return the favor, respecting you and everything that is important to you. Wherever the future might take you too, you can count on her to have you back and support you on the way

Also not to sound Dependent but I just. Rlly need a girlfriend. Especially in a trying time like this where I’m already trying to handle so much and am battling so hard w/ hating myself, I just.

Could really use a gal paladin, y'know? Not to sound sappy, but having a second half, a “life partner” a person who you look out for and who looks out for you, who you can trust and share plain old love and bodyheat and experiences with would just rlly…. Help.

Because I’ve discovered as i’ve transitioned and grown as a person more that I’m actually not that much of an introvert? I actually rlly sorta need someone there for me. I need human contact. I need love and attention.

But it’s hard enough for cis lesbians/wlw to find partners in a heternormative world, so what fucking chance does a pathetic tranny like me have?

Talking is hard and conversations are harder and I am not really doing the latter rn. If I seem distant, it’s just my anxiety/depression kicking my ass. I love you, and I am trying to take it easy on myself and rest up so I can be more me. Sorry I’m neglecting you. I promise it isn’t your fault.

2

~All change is good, all change is balanced~

Trying to take this to heart and focus myself for now and reach for a better place everyday. I hope others who are also going through a rough time decide to balance things with more self-love, and support one another. Without support, we often fail. I’m comforted knowing as painful as this moment in life is, it’s just a moment. I won’t stray from my path. Walking in the dark can’t be *that* hard…I can really feel how close I am to breaking through a new phase in my life, so I’m making that my focus, and how much I’ve learned in just 6 months. I hope others chose to do the same, I really, really do. Much love, stay positive! ✨💖

When I feel really depressed about my job, I like to think about Cheryl Strayed.

Cheryl Strayed waitressing. Cheryl Strayed cheating on her husband. Cheryl Strayed doing hard drugs. Cheryl Strayed feeling lost and fucking up and maybe wondering what the hell she was doing with her life. Maybe feeling really lonely. Maybe making minimum wage. Maybe still housing a whole world of wisdom, or at least the capacity for enormous growth, enormous change, enormous self-love somewhere deep inside of her.

I like to imagine myself climbing the long and desperate trail of my unhappiness and ending somewhere else: new and stronger and more at peace.

Until then, I wake in the night gasping for breath. I have nightmares. I work long hours for people who don’t value me. I try really, really hard because I don’t know any other way to exist. I apologize a lot. 

Sometimes it gets hard to imagine not feeling trapped. So I imagine I am Cheryl Strayed. I am tell myself I am still in the Before chapter. One day, I’ll tell the story beginning with this version of me – the girl in the Georgia license photo with the pasted on smile – and you and I will both know that something better was coming. We’ll want to shout at her “don’t give up yet!” when she spends too long in front of the bathroom mirror, looking into her own red-rimmed eyes willing the tell-tale tear signs away with wet tissue and determination.

I imagine Cheryl Strayed looking at her life with disappointment, with rage, with regret, with overwhelming terror, and then packing as much of it as would fit into a backpack and walking toward something new. When I dread waking up tomorrow, I will think of it that way. Step after stumbling misstep toward transformation, toward something new. 

6

MUSIC FESTIVAL LOOKBOOK: OUTFIT #2

Hello there all, 

Here is the second outfit from my Music Festival Look Book! You can find the first outfit HERE if you missed it. 

I was a little nervous to post these shots, because I feel a little self conscious about my body in them, but I decided to post anyway. Regardless of the little things I can knit pick in these pictures, having love for myself is more important to me. And you know, I may not always be a “cute fat”. I might not always look like I have big hips and a small waist like I do in my selfies. I’m a size 24 and it’s okay to love myself exactly as I am. 

So here you guys can see the cellulite I usually don’t show, and way more VBO than I normally post but I’m trying really hard to be okay with that, and I hope that you guys appreciate that maybe I’m not where I want to be with my personal self love journey, but I’m getting there. 

Boots - Simply Be 
Shorts - Asos Curve 
Cami - Torrid (cut to be cropped)
Top/Hat/Clutch/Sunnies - Forever 21 

Feeling Brave (and a little nervous),
Jess