i am torrid

❛                i think eternal in time, of colour undone  ;  debased, i am, the beauty’s stride. felt for scarlet, the tip of an artists brush, for passion   &  ardour as gentle as me. i stand with sharp edges unlike a blade, unlike male reign on   &   the unforgotten horizon of moonblood. i am the devils breath ; torrid, unfurling  &  taken in persephones cursing ire. you’ll think of my beauty stilled by discord    &   my throat, lovely ; open to the jaw of the wolves.i will be unforgotten in thick aspen. deathless as my time.  ❜

4

A bit of my outfit haul from a trip to Torrid today! After realizing I have almost no summer clothes (none of my old ones fit anymore!) I took a trip to the mall. I ended up with a ton of stuff (and delightedly realized I’ve gone down another size, so three sizes or so total!!).

The top two pictures are the same pair of jeggings (I know they sound ridic but OMG favorite pants ever), an adorable t-shirt with lace on the sleeves, and a sheer/flimsy blue tanktop. The bottom left is THE MOST ADORABLE red and black polka dot dress EVER (debating wearing my black mini cardigan with it when I wear it to work, I’m not a fan of my arms). And the bottom right, I ended up getting the dress but not the cardigan, because they didn’t have any short sleeve white cardigans.

I also got a black t-shirt and a coral t-shirt, a purple tank top, a pair of white flip-flops (from payless), and a set of three adorable little thin belts! It was buy one get one half-off at Torrid, so… spent a little more than I normally feel comfortable with but given how few summer clothes I have, it was necessary. (Still not over how damn cute that red dress is, or how SKINNY I felt in the top left outfit tbh.)

When I was a teenager, I used to see this quote that was an attempt at fat shaming; “just because it zips, doesn’t mean it fits.” It made me feel horrible, and here is the reason why. I would go shopping with my thin friends, and we’d be trying on jeans and I was a solid size twelve, but I would convince myself that I could get into a size eight, just took a little wiggling and my baby chub hanging out. We let size dictate our self worth, our beauty, I would spend hundreds of my well earned after school pay checks on jeans that didn’t fit and cry about it when I got home. I wasted so much money because I just wanted to be in single digits, when no matter how much weight I lost - my body shape would not warrant it. Working in retail, I still see girls doing this now and working in torrid makes me want to mother them and tell them - these clothes you’re going to buy here are going to fit you, cut the tag out, and wear them with pride because this size is not who you are. You’re humanity, the way you treat others, the fact that you find something that makes you smile every day; if those girls your shopping with make you feel so insecure, remember that they’ve probably got a million things they hate about themselves… And their size may very well be one of them. It’s not negative to look at this saying, it should be a mantra “just because it zips, doesn’t mean it fits,” because you are worth more than your size and your clothes are one of the single embodiments that you can control and change to fit you and your style. Don’t dictate yourself to just zipping up.

Hesitated a long time before deciding to post, but figured on the journey to self love, hiding is out of the question!

So, very first OotD! Both top and skirt are from Torrid. I am, indeed, in their dressing room in the picture.

Thanks so much to blogs like afatfox, fatthefuckup, fatgirlsdoingthings, chubby-bunnies, and afatblackfairy for showing me how beautiful it is to love yourself, no matter your size or shape.