i am the end as i was at the beginning

Wow, I can’t believe Blizzard introduced Jetstream Sam to Overwatch!

Jokes aside, I love Hanzo’s new skin.

I really hope to get it before the end of the event!

((By the way, I’ll tell you something.

Months ago I thought about this Metal Gear!Au with Cyber!McCree and Cyber!Hanzo, but I couldn’t think of a cool design for Hanzo.

And guess what Blizz made now?
I’m so happy! ‧º·(˚T∇T)‧º·˚ ))

anonymous asked:

There are many Hadith about how if you give up something for the sake of Allah, He will replace it with something better. I gave up a haram relationship, and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I don’t regret my decision, but it has been almost 2 years and honestly a halal ‘something better’ has not replaced what I left at all. I know I must have sabr, but because a lot of time has passed I begin to feel hopeless if my duas will ever be answered. Just seeking encouraging words.

Assalamu Alaikum

without the intention to interprete any hadith (because i am not qualified to do so and i can only speak in general), a Muslim must be always aware that Allah knows our souls better than we do while our minds are limited and sometimes clouded by our desires and wishes. Therefore it is important to always have full trust in Allah and His orders because in the end, everything that is forbidden is forbidden for a reason, in our own favor. yani to protect us from the evil of sin and its consequences. eventually, a sin is the last of the least paths one can take for the pursuit of happiness. just to make you internalize this.

now better replacament does not necessarily mean the “halal version” of the haraam. in sha Allah, you will get married to a righteous man in the future, but that isn’t, as I said before, the primary better replacement.

a better replacement can mean many things such as the purification of the heart from the darkness sins bring upon our hears. it can mean the freedom and peace of the soul, removal of worries and distance from that which is destructive to our mind, body and heart. It can mean drawing closer to Allah, becoming more beloved to Him, increasing one’s status as a Muslim by increasing your imaan. it can bring reward to you in the hereafter, make you enter Jannah and step away from hellfire. There are many benefits, as you can see, by replacing the haraam with the halaal, and alhamdulillah isn’t that one of the greatest gifts?

also, be patient for the sake of Allah. there are sisters and brothers having waited/ waiting to get married for more than 2 years. Surely, when He decrees something for us it is always at the right time and place.

Yuri!!! On Stage Event - Deleted Scene

Finally, I have gotten so information on what has gone on at the event, thanks to a lovely Twitter account.

There was a scene that was not added to the series, as there was no time to animate it, and if it were to be animated, it would be very explicit.

So, months later after the GPF, Viktor has an ice show known as “Viktor & Friends” where other skaters flew out to perform this. Yuuri and Viktor both got very drunk, and that’s when Yuuri started mumbling the name “Chihoko”.

Viktor thinks of this Chihoko guy as Yuuri’s ex.

We can remember back to episode 2, where Viktor has asked Yuuri about his personal life with dating and such, but we don’t hear anything about it from Yuuri. It later was confirmed that Yuuri keeps all past relationships private.

Back to what I was saying, Viktor gets jealous of this “Chihoko” guy, as Yuuri keeps rambling on about him.

The next morning, Viktor is no where to be found.

Yuuri wakes up to find “OVERCOME CHIHOKO” scribbled on his back and Viktor’s panties on his head. And he doesn’t remember anything. Fans are ticked that Viktor is missing, they know this because Phichit decided to upload pictures. The skaters talked about how Viktor and Yuuri pretty much flirted alllll night long, then got naked, then argued. Phichit came to the conclusion:

Viktor and Yuuri got divorced.

Later on, the scene changes to Viktor being on top of Hasetsu castle, stretching naked. He even says, “This person may be Yuuri’s past… But I am his now”

Yuuri eventually finds him and calls for him to come down, but Viktor just yells at him. “Is this better than Chihoko?!” He yells down to Yuuri. Yuuri has no idea who the hell Chihoko is and tells Viktor that. Then, Viktor proceeds to invite Yuuri to strip and go to the top of the castle with him.

At the beginning of this scene, Viktor said “That night… It was a night… I would never forget..” And in between phrases, Yuuri was moaning, before throwing up at the end. Yurio commented that it was gross.

so I’m kind of a sucker for Redemption Equals Death because it’s sad and I’m a sucker for sad. but I also…idk, sometimes I wish it weren’t such an overwhelming trend, not only because All My Faves Wind Up Dead but also because…I want to see more villains actually going through the hard, messy work of redemption, that it can’t just be done and over with, that it’s not as simple as One Good Heroic Act and everything is better. 

I want the awkward and painful and difficult aftermath.

like, what I really want is the villain seeking redemption who is genre savvy enough to go for a redemptive death, figuring that’s their best way out - and who survives, and has to live up to what they meant to be their last act. 

rather than death as the end of a redemptive arc, near-death as the beginning of one.

5

A messy little comic where Yuri finds out he’s really dumb.

Part 1/Part 7/Part 9

Guys… I said this was the last part but i was so wrong… get ready for the gay in part 9 (aka the end)

Ten Things Trans Men Want You To Know

By Jason Robert Ballard

Over my life as a transgender man I have had moments I wish I could have said something to someone close to me but failed to. Until going back in time is an option, lets move forward with better understanding on things we wish we could tell our close friends and potential partners. If you’ve received this article from a friend, are they trying to tell you you’re guilty of one of these points? Potentially, or they just think it was a good read and you might enjoy it.

1. You’re guilty by association
You will receive more questions about me than I will. People who are confused or curious will typically ask a person they believe can relate to them or think share similar experiences. Talk to me about what I’m comfortable with you sharing when you field these questions. If I prefer not to be outed, you could respond with a simple, yet firm “It’s not my place to answer these questions for you, I’m sorry.” If I’m open about my transition, find out how to appropriately answer or divert harsh questions. This will make you a better ally and allow conversations to flow toward critical discussions instead of focusing on sexualizing the experience. As the topic of transgender lives emerges in mainstream media, questions often fall into one of two categories “genuine curiosity” or “superficial curiosity”. The question, “What are some reasons a transman might not have bottom surgery” is different from the question “Do you have a penis?“ Knowing whether the questioner is coming from a place of good will or being malicious may help you decide how to handle these moments.

2. “But you’ll always be _____ to me” hurts
Transition in life is inevitable. While seeing your little cousin for the first time in years and enjoying the fact that they were once in diapers, one may say “Aw, but you’ll always be little tommy to me!” and be perfectly acceptable. However, in my case I may have struggled with who I was and how I felt about myself before coming out as the authentic me. This is a time in my life of positive growth and happiness and if I’ve chosen to share it with you, telling me that you’d rather remain seeing me as someone I have taken great risks to leave behind is hurtful and damaging to our friendship. Telling me I’ll always be my birth name or birth sex in your eyes can be like telling someone who struggled with depression that you’ll always see them as ‘that pathetic emo kid’ or someone who fought with self image and weight lose that they’ll always be ‘fat’ to you. See what I’m saying? Yes, we may have a long history of knowing each other before I came out and that might be hard for you to let go of or see differently. Let me know you’re trying by not using this statement.

3. Outing me can be extremely dangerous.
As positive as some of the media and support for trans people are, there is still an overwhelming amount of hatred and ignorance. Hundreds of transgender people are murdered every single year and most of these times the killer walks due to failed/no protection laws in place for me. You may think that having a trans friend and talking about it in a public setting is fine, but if the wrong person over hears you or tells their friend who tells their friend, I could be in serious danger. It being a novelty to have a trans friend isn’t worth my life. If you want to talk about it, just don’t use my name and say you’ve ‘got a friend’.

4. My dysphoria isn’t your fault
It can be tough to be emotionally involved with someone who has a hard time with self image. You yourself may feel like you’re solely responsible for their happiness but sometimes their sadness comes from a place you simply can’t touch. It is not your fault that I have places and things about my body that I don’t like paid attention to. Talk to me and find out what is okay with me and what you can do to ease any triggering of my dysphoria, but don’t take the dysphoria personally. Some relationships, trans or cis don’t end up being ‘text book’. If I’m uncomfortable with my breasts and talk about wanting surgeries in the future, being sad about that and saying things like “But I love your boobs!” or “No don’t, I love you just the way you are” isn’t supportive. In fact, it’s proof that you’ve created an image of me in your head that doesn’t match up with who I really am and that’s not a positive basis for a relationship.

5. “It isn’t the T”
Beginning hormone replacement therapy can be a HUGE moment in my life. However, following that achievement I may lash out at you or be a jerk. If I say things like “It’s the testosterone”, you have my permission to not believe it. I am well aware of the emotional changes that I’ve decided to undertake and there are countless support systems and advice articles for dealing with extra tension and shorter tempers all over Google. My mood swings and hormonal imbalance are mine to control, not yours to tolerate. I have no right to be rude to you or push you away and blame a substance.

6. How do those egg shells feel?
Don’t get so hung up on words that the conversations never happen. You know me, if we’ve been close for any period of time you know what and how to phrase questions and statements to not be offensive. Though I may not want to be an educator all day every day to strangers at the grocery store, you’re my friend and it shows me you care when you’re excited about my transition with me. Many transgender people don’t have or lose their entire support systems when they come out so I’m lucky to have you. If you’ve been around the web a time or two you’ll notice our community gets hung up on terms and words. Don’t let this frighten you into bailing on me.

7. Don’t date me despite me
If you’re interested in dating me, make sure you’re interested because of who I am, not despite my trans status. You’re not doing me a favor by being interested in me ‘even though’ I’m trans, you’re making it seem like to you it’s something that makes me hard to handle or below you and THANK GOODNESS you’re here now to be interested in me because who else would? Rude.

8. What you say behind my back is what you really think of me
When I first come out, some people might say things like “It’s about time” or “I always knew”, some may say they had no clue and some people might not believe me due to the rise of something called “trans-trending”. Whether you think I’m doing this for attention or because my friend is doing it too isn’t for you to decide. The locals don’t get to get together and vote to approve my trans status. There is no way for you to tell what has been going on in my mind for years and what I’ve struggled with personally. There are many ways to transition and no one way is perfect or the way it has to be done. Talk to me about it, find out my story if you feel so inclined. If not, just leave it alone because it doesn’t affect your life at all.

9. My pronouns mean a lot to me
Chances are I’ve chosen a new name and have preferred gender pronouns, you using them is a big deal to me and when you do it shows me that you support me in bettering my life for myself. Which should be qualities of all friends! At the beginning, you may slip or mess up but I promise I’ll be able to tell if someone is genuinely trying or if someone is making a point to use the wrong ones.


10. Thank you
If you’ve taken the time to read or share this article with someone close to you, you’ve sought out advice on being a better Trans Ally and that to me is admirable. Wanting to educate yourself to make me and any other transgender person in your life more comfortable in this time of great community and media change is worth a big thank you. There is a lot of anger and hatred in the world and in our small community and sometimes Allys can be pushed to their limits or be afraid to use the wrong words or do the wrong thing. Every single person behind us and in support of us is valuable. Thank you for your patience, your friendship and your love.

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Something Just Like This ~Jeff Atkins x Reader~

Requested: Can I request a Jeff Atkins imagine about morning after with him. And like Jeff would be so cute whispering sweet nothings in his gfs ear while also saying some dirty jokes lolol omg I CANT

The human body contains an innumerable amount of nerve cells. The best we can do is estimate that there are some billion. It is incredible how there are billions of nerve cells working in our bodies and something as simple as the touch of one person can send all of those imperceptible cells into a fervor.

It’s 9:05 on a Sunday morning. The window is slightly cracked, letting the fresh autumn air circulate in. Her chest rises and falls rhythmically with shallow breaths as she pretends to still be sleeping. Small circles are being drawn on her back, clockwise, then counter clockwise. Then it switches to a word, or rather, a name. Jeff.

His fingers drag across her skin gently. First he writes it how you would normally write your name. Then in cursive, in all caps, capitalizing every other letter, looping letters, block letters.

“Are you marking me?” she mumbles tiredly. She can feel him laughing as he wraps his arms around her midsection, pulling her flush against his chest. He kisses the top of her head, nuzzling his face into her hair where traces of his cologne are trapped within the tresses. He’s everywhere. In her hair, on her skin, and where he doesn’t leave a physical presence he takes up residence in the place where her mind wanders.

“In more ways than one,” a smug tone drips off his tongue as he brings his one hand up to grasp her throat loosely, his thumb rubbing one of many dark purple splotches.

“Jeffff,” she whines, scrunching her neck up. Those are gonna be a bitch to cover up, but he loves them. He loves the way they whisper I was here. I will be here for as long as you want me. I love you. I love you.

“I didn’t hear you complaining last night,” he whispers into her ear, letting his lips linger. A shiver works its way down her back involuntarily. It’s almost annoying- how easily he gets to her. Just the sound of his voice is enough to set her skin on fire.

“You’re awful,” she tries to sound stern, but there’s a teasing tone in her voice that gives her away. It’s hard to be annoyed when images of the previous night and all the nights before that flood her mind.

“Yeah?” he questions, an impish inflection shaping his voice, “tell me, which part was less than satisfactory?”

He cups the bottom of her jaw with his palm and pushes upward gently, stretching her neck without causing pain. The bed jostles as his weight shifts to lean over her, his lips ghosting over the thin skin of her neck. It starts with soft pecks that progress to biting and sucking until the unblemished skin becomes a dark shade of red and purple. “Was it this?” he asks against her skin.

His hands grip her bare thighs, wrapping them around his waist. His fingers drag down from the top of her thighs down to the bend of her knees and then back up. Instinctively, her arms lock around his neck, bringing his forehead to rest against hers. “Was it this?” he asks against her lips.

“Oh hush. You’re perfect and you know it,” her voice is breathy as she tries to swallow her own desire. He is perfect, in every sense of the word. He has the kindest heart she has ever known.

“Perfect enough to make you happy?” he says earnestly. He lifts his head to be able to see her face clearly and wholly. Her cheeks have developed a pink tint and her eyes are soft and dreamlike, like she’s looking at the gates of heaven.

“Perfect or imperfect, I am happy,” she grabs his face between her hands delicately, “I’m happy and I love you.”

“Say it again,” he begs as his eyes flutter shut.

“I love you, Jeff Atkins.”

And then he’s kissing her. His lips are familiar but the feeling of them on hers makes her heart race like it’s the first time all over again. His body presses down against hers and she can feel every bump of hard muscle under soft skin. The distance between them is virtually nonexistent. Her heart hangs suspended in the space where she ends and he begins.

“You know,” she says in-between kisses, “this is why the morning after always turns into round two.”

“Sorry babe, I’ll work on keeping my hands to myself,” he laughs, burying his face into her neck.

“That was not a complaint, you keep your hands right where they are,” she returns his laugh whilst running her fingers through his hair.

“Yes ma’am,” he kisses her jaw, “I love you. I adore you with all my heart.”

“That makes me pretty lucky.”

“Luck has nothing to do with it,” he assures, “but speaking of being ‘lucky’, how ‘bout that round two?”

“You’re relentless,” she giggles pleasantly, pulling him closer.

“Tell me you don’t want me and I’ll stop.”

“Well that would make me a liar,” this time she kisses him, initiating an evocative situation. He responds immediately, his hands tangling in the thin lacy fabric covering her bottom half.

To be adored by a person with such a pure heart is to be loved absolutely. Few ever meet a person like that, but when they do it is significant. It marks a before and after in their life, and how lucky they are to have been loved by a person who knows what it means to love without limit. How lucky they are to have something just like this.


Masterlist

Gifs (X) (X)

Aqours 1st Live - Aida Rikako’s post-live thoughts

Aqours 1st LoveLive!
Thank you very much for the past two days at ~Step! ZERO to ONE~!! It really, really was a marvelous time. I had fun from the bottom of my heart, and I’m not even exaggerating. It really was a great feeling that made me feel like I was truly alive. I cannot forget everyone’s faces that I saw while I was going around on the trolley. Everyone was shining!!
In truth, when I first heard about the results of Sunshine’s audition, I was at Yokohama Arena with my mother. I can still remember when we were embracing each other even now. It has been 2 years since then. I would never have dreamed that we would be able to stand on this stage now. Love Live! Is something that a lot of people have given their love for, and I once again felt really blessed to be able to take part in it.
I learned the real value of becoming a team and going up from 0. There were 9 of us on stage, but the stage that we created was because of the all the team members, as well as the fans.

This is all I can say!
There was a lot of love enveloping us, and it really, really became a marvelous live!!!!!! However, I have something I must apologize to everyone for. I would like to apologize for the worries that I felt. After discussing with the rest of the team, I decided to perform on the piano. I never wanted to back down, so I requested to be given the chance to do it.
And so, I really give my apologies to the rest of the team who believed in me until the end; I betrayed them. It was exactly because of that that we did not discuss the possibility of failure. Also, having made the other members feel worry in that moment, as well as all the people who had paid money to watch a professional fail, all these emotions mixed together in my head and I panicked. Somehow, I was able to complete it on Day 1, so I calmed down and decided to play with more of a smile like Riko’s on Day 2. To be honest, I cannot remember that moment very well. But the members rushed over to me during the dance, and I also heard the voices of everyone there, so I was able to stop crying and bring back out the “Sakurauchi Riko” within Aida Rikako once again. Without that, my heart would’ve surely broken, and I would’ve regretted it for the rest of my life. Thank you very much for giving me another chance. And then the lyrics of Omoi yo Hitotsu ni Nare also resonated in my chest and supported me. I was once again able to realize how great the power of music was, and that it was able to give me so much courage.

“It was really the greatest performance by everyone! I was moved!” was what I heard from a lot of people, but a failure is a failure. I am no longer qualified to be a professional standing on stage. I really reflected on it.
And after that I had to perform with a smile. Because I was no longer qualified to cry. But I was able to continue until the very end thanks to the warmth of all the fans. Thank you, thank you very much for supporting me.
Also, I will never forget the members who rushed over so that I wouldn’t be alone, and held me and my hands in that unbelievable location, all the time from before the beginning until after the very end, as well as the fun after the live as they greeted me with smiles and laughed it off. Those 8 people who were there definitely felt the same way as everyone. I was glad that it was 9 people once again. Thank so so much for saving me.
And also, I am very grateful to the piano teacher who seriously taught the amateur me who could not even read musical notes for 3 months.
It was really difficult; my fingers did not move as I expected, but I was able to slowly get better and better at playing, and I was able to think, “Playing the piano is fun!” And that was definitely thanks to the people who told me so. I started the piano from this age, so I was worried about whether it was truly okay, but I was told many times that it was important to challenge that thought.

It’s getting quite long, but I wanted to tell everyone as soon as possible.

Now, the second season of the TV anime, as well as 2nd live tour and many others were announced! Aqours is advancing from here onto the next Step once again. In order to make all of you know more and more about Aqours, I will put out my heart and try even harder than my best that I have done until now as a member of Aqours!!!
So please cheer me on as a member of Aqours and as Sakurauchi Riko from now on as well.

I will forever treasure everyone who supported me.
Let’s go and see more marvelous sights together! The voice of Sakurauchi Riko 🌸 Aida Rikako


Holy shit.

Mickey Deserved Better, But...

Here’s the thing, I’m the first one to say Mickey deserved better. But think about what that really entails. What we actually mean when we say he deserved better, is that he deserves to be happy. Ergo: He deserves Ian. Because, Ian made him happy.

Originally posted by mickeyandmumbles

I’ve seen a lot of commentary about how Mickey loved Ian more. Some weird internet pissing contest because, let’s face it, Mickey is love goals isn’t he? He’s a man who went from this scared shitless, self-hating, insecure child and grew into a strong, caring, and passionate man. One you’d kill to have fight for you. He came out of the closet for Ian. 

Let me emphasize that point. In a homophobic upbringing, environment, in front of the man that literally beat the shit out of him for being gay, (before having him raped by a prostitute to “fuck the faggot” out of him); Mickey Milkovich came out as gay, in a dive bar on the Southside, for Ian Gallagher. Whether you love or hate Mickey, that is goddamn significant.

Originally posted by nerds-place

Now, possible domestic abuse issues aside, cuz, let’s face it folks: we’re cutting both Ian and Mickey a lot of slack when it comes to the fact that there was physical abuse in their relationship. But that’s what makes it so beautifully real. It’s not that the writers are glorifying an unhealthy relationship, or even that the fans are. It’s real. This is EXACTLY what it would look like if two, fucked up, Southside thugs, fell in love against the societal expectations of their socioeconomic status and environment. And to quote Tupac, their love is a rose that grew from the concrete. 

THAT is what is so beautiful about this pairing. Again, I am not advocating or condoning IPV (Intimate Partner Violence), which is actually a problem in the LGBT community; what I am saying is the reason there’s an inordinate amount of people who ship Ian and Mickey is because they were a light at the end of a dark and dismal tunnel. Well, they were until reality literally bitchslapped both of them.

Originally posted by myemptymind

But I think there’s something pretty damn important we are all forgetting: and that’s the hell Mickey put Ian through in the beginning. I’m not trying to justify the shit Ian pulled after Mickey had his personal epiphany that made him into the man we have all grown to adore. But here’s the thing: Ian was falling for Mickey when shit was still raw and relatively unrequited.

Ian loved Mickey when he was still just a filthy thug. Ian loved Mickey, despite his refusal to kiss him. Ian loved Mickey, despite the serious internalized homophobia. Ian loved Mickey when he knew he shouldn’t, when Mickey made it clear that Ian was nothing more than a warm mouth to him.

Originally posted by mrsmilkovich

So, here’s the thing. Mickey deserved better… but so did Ian. They both deserved better. And what I mean by that, is not that Mickey deserved better than Ian, or Ian deserved better than Mickey. No. They both deserved to be happy. And honestly? They were their happiest together. Whatever bullshit aside, what their relationship represented was a love that managed to bloom from a dark and hopeless place. And if they could find love, couldn’t we all?

Originally posted by smuchshypush

Originally posted by smuchshypush

Thanks for reading my rant. <3

 all right, folks—as promised, here are my thoughts on russian homophobia and what factors have shaped it to be how it appears today. please keep in mind that while i did put in hours of research into this and speak partially from experience as someone who grew up in a homophobic russian household, i am by no means an expert and for brevity had to simplify some issues/concepts. 

to begin with, russia wasn’t always so violently homophobic. the russian empire was generally more or less tolerant as far as persecution goes until peter the great began to westernize and discovered that the west was generally opposed to same-sex relations. even then, the crackdowns were fairly mild, and the government generally stayed out of such matters. even towards the end of the 1800s, the tolerant attitude prevailed, and alexander ii’s reforms actually spurred the development of a lgbt+ by promoting freedom of press and abolishing serfdom, which created an influx of peasants to the cities, where they lived in close quarters and without many women around. as you can imagine, this resulted in a rise in same-gender relations and even marked the beginning of the first urban lgbt+ communities. while homosexuality was still illegal, cities teemed with discourse on the matter, which was potential enough. (this period can also be noted for the emergence of lgb+ writers and artists, such as mihkail kuzmin, marina tsvatayeva, and numerous others [but that’s for another post])

at this point, most of the opposition to same-sex relations stemmed from orthodox christian values, which marked homosexuality as sin (along with many other carnal sexual acts) and biological arguments that used early endocrinology and psychology to argue that homosexuality was unnatural and must be treated. however, it is vital to note that at the same time, some scientific circles also promoted tolerance on the basis of same-sex attraction being a natural variation of human biology, which was incredibly progressive for its time. while not all views were positive (in fact, some actively pathologized homosexuality, much like western science), it is important to note that there was discussion.

the first shift came with the 1917 revolution and lenin’s regime. while lenin decriminalized homosexuality (as well as many other things, such as abortion and prostitution), the regime also limited freedom of the press and speech, which stunted conversation about same-sex desire. 

what truly demolished the russian/soviet lgbt+ community was stalin’s regime, which coincided with wwii and rise of fascism. in response to wwii, a wave of hypermasculinity and patriotism shook the nation through propaganda to encourage men to be strong, hard working, and loyal to the country—male homosexuality, which was seen as effeminate and weak, had no place in such a society. what officially led to the recriminalization, however, is the alleged nazi infiltration of moscow’s gay circles, which led stalin to pass a law banning male homosexuality. by this time, homosexuality came to be associated with bourgeois decadence and aristocracy, which clashed with soviet proletarian values. weimar germany’s infamous tolerance of same-sex relations also influenced the association of fascism with homosexuality (nevermind that hitler’s regime was violently homophobic, as well). a popular slogan was: “destroy the homosexuals–and fascism will disappear”

stalin’s strict repression had the most profound influence on the lgbt+ community—it erased its history by silencing literature and arts and prevented lgbt+ people from being able to find each other and create opposition. this lasted for decades after stalin’s death, which, to the average public, made same-sex attraction and gender nonconformity apprear nonexistent within the soviet union.

that is exactly why the 80s and 90s, when gorbachev’s reforms allowed lgbt+ individuals some freedom to gather and converse (thus gaining visibility) came as such a shock to the straight russian public. it seemed that “the gays” appeared out of nowhere—and since the period is also marked by the fall of the soviet union and introduction of western capitalism—seemed a product of western infiltration. since the west, especially america, had a visible lgbt+ community by then, it only seemed logical that lgbt+ russians are brainwashed by the west. another wave of hypermasculinity spread through the country once the soviet union collapsed, leaving the nation in crisis. all these reasons, in addition to the old religious and biological arguments, played a role in cultivating the very specific strain of homophobia in russia today.

because of this association with the west, it is incredibly difficult for activists to achieve anything, and in some circles even prompts discussion of whether it is truly worthwhile and beneficial. a quote by a russian lesbian haunts me in particular: “the problems for lesbians only start when they fight for their rights. because now the russian public knows the word. they know that lesbians exist.”  

violence, financial insecurity, and psychological damage awaits anyone who is outwardly gay or associates with lgbt+ organizations, which makes it hard to gather collective action. funding for organizations is also low; if you lose your job because you’re lgbt+, it’s unlikely that you’ll have money to contribute to organizations. for many people, the costs of associating with an lgbt+ organizations outweigh the benefits.

that is why financial support rather than demonstration and protest is potentially more important to russian activist efforts. western demonstrations, such as those following the sochi olympics, only further solidified the connection of homosexuality and the west and made russia retaliate further against lgbt+ people. if you want to help, i think the best thing to do is stay informed, spread awareness, and contribute financially if you are able to. local efforts, such as those by the russian lgbt network, are in many cases better able to provide the specific aid that is required (for example, by evacuating gay men at risk in chechnya, or by assisting with legal issues). 

only by understanding russia’s complex history and unique political and social climate can we cater our activism to be effective at helping lgbt+ russians.

sources/additional reading

my inbox/IM is open to anyone who wants any further insight, discussion, or clarification! (please do be mindful, however, since this is a highly sensitive topic for me)

2

When I’m writing songs, I think for me my main goal is to write exactly what I’m feeling, when I’m feeling it. If writing songs happens for me in the middle of the night, say between the hours of 2 and 4 am, chances are, I’m trying to forget somebody. It’s almost impossible to write how you feel. If you’ve ever lost somebody, you know that you’re never just feeling one feeling at a time. It’s much more complicated than that and when I was writing my song, I decided maybe instead of writing how I felt, maybe it would be better to write what happened from beginning to end because, I remembered it all too well.

SAFETY BLANKET

On one particular fight, finally exhausted and on his knees, he disengages his saber and brings his hands up. The hydraulic hiss has always been so familiar, so comforting, now it whines like the whistle that’ll announce the beginning of his end. Rey stands over him, Saber held up much like she had on Starkiller base, waiting, always waiting. He pries his helmet from his head and tosses it at her feet.

“There. Are you happy now?” He growls, burning in his own humiliation.

I found out (!!!!!!) that the lovely @jennity-blogs recorded this one shot (originally prompted by the equally lovely @persimonne eons ago) and since I am on an art kick ever since the trailer I decided to do a quick speed painting of it. 

Please do not delete the caption or repost! if you enjoy it, reblog it instead, :) thank you.
  Art tag / commissions

5

A sequel thanks to @cosmogonalley and those nice tags

However I am sorry for the crappy doodles in the end…

intro: what am i to you is a masterpiece and it deserves to be talked about more. that song is only 2:46s long, and yet namjoon tells a full story that begins with emotions like excitement, happiness, and hope and ends with complete opposite emotions (anger, despair, helplessness) with only love as the emotion that bridges them. for me personally, the best part of the song is the transition. the build up. i love the way the music, along with namjoon’s voice gradually sounds more and more desperate. and when the emotions finally flip, so does the music: the light violins and synth sounds are pushed back and replaced by heavy drum beats that the now angry lyrics bounce off to. and despite all of this change in a short frame of time, it still flows perfectly. IT STILL FLOWS PERFECTLY. what the fuck honestly?????? genius

OFF THE CUFF HOMESTUCK THOUGHTS #3: THE SELF PILE DOESN’T STOP FROM GETTING TALLER OR: THE PROBLEM OF DEAD MARIOS

DISCLAIMER

IMPORTANT THEORETICAL FRAMEWORK

[CHECK THE TAG FOR MORE THOUGHTS]

So, a long-ass time ago, Rose and Dave had a conversation like this:

TT: After you go, what do you think will happen to me?
TT: Will I just cease to exist?
TG: i dont know
TG: i mean your whole timeline will
TG: maybe
TT: Maybe?
TT: Is there a chance it’ll continue to exist, and I’ll just be here alone forever?
TT: I’m not sure which outcome is more unsettling.
TG: the thing with time travel is
TG: you cant overthink it
TG: just roll with it and see what happens
TG: and above all try not to do anything retarded
TT: What do you think I should do?
TG: try going to sleep
TG: our dream selves kind of operate outside the normal time continuum i think
TG: so if part of you from this timelines going to persist thats probably the way to make it happen
TT: Ok.
TG: and hey you might even be able to help your past dream self wake up sooner without all that fuss you went through
TT: I think the true purpose of this game is to see how many qualifiers we can get to precede the word “self” and still understand what we’re talking about.

This is the most important sentence in Homestuck.

I am dead serious.

Well, OK, I mean, it’s pretty important for understanding some major Homestuck themes and shit or something like that.

Also, I totally should have said: Pre-Retcon Doomed Timeline Non-Dreamself Rose but ultimately about to become Dreamself Rose who semi-merged with Pre-Retcon Alpha Timeline Rose and Doomed Timeline Dave aka Davesprite AKA future Davepetasprite^2 or as we all call them around the office, Davepeta, had that conversation.

Maybe you begin to see what I’m going to talk about here.

One of the major frustrations a lot of people had with the retcon was that the characters we ended up with at the end weren’t the ones we’d come to love and know throughout the story. Was it even worth it, to lose the characters we loved to the tyranny of Game Over? The victorious kids, with the exception of John and Roxy, were other people, with other histories, other goals, and other choices.

Allow me to submit that that may be the whole point.

SBURB is cruel. We’ve known that for a long time. It’s cruel not as Caliborn is cruel, but as the cosmos is cruel, as a supernova is cruel. It wants what it wants, and doesn’t care about how that intersects with the needs of humanity. It wants to make universes through a complex game-playing method, and drags hapless, vulnerable adolescents along for the ride. And most of the time it doesn’t even succeed, leaving its champions to rot in a doomed timeline or similar! Skaia’s victory is an amoral creation myth where individual human beings are just the carved pieces on the chessboard. (I mean, the other ones. Not the carapacians.)

Again, let’s consider the theme of VIDEO GAMES vs. REAL LIFE.

Homestuck, let’s be real, is basically some postmodern horror timey-wimey Jumanji. For a generation way more familiar with pixels than cute little tokens It’s easy for teenagers and in fact, basically everyone, to fantasize about escaping their life and slipping into some game world forever, where they get to do awesome things and be a heroic person.

Homestuck makes that literal. Congratulations, everything you ever knew is dead. You will never see it again, except your internet friends, who turn out also to be your family and other important people. I mean, from a distance, SBURB sounds like an awesome game, right? You figure out who you are and get to wear a cool costume displaying that identity. You get to make anything you want and enjoy this hyperflexible mythology tailored to YOUR CHOICES. HS fans talk all the time about how cool it would be to play a real version of SBURB. That’s a big part of the appeal of SBURB fan adventures. They put you and your friends in the story. Or your favorite characters! It sounds like a fantasy come true.

The thing is, as fantastical as it is, it’s also really fucked up, and ultimately you and your friends are being used. By a giant frog to let it have its babies. By the universe. By a smug blue cloud thing that doesn’t care about you at all.

SBURB does not care about you at all.

The funny thing, SBURB features a mythology with so many layers and nuances and seemingly human motifs about growth and self that you might search for some grand ultimate meaning behind it, but it’s not even human enough to have a personality, to be something you can argue with or fight. It just is. It’s all the cruelty and power of a god without any of the dazzling personality. It’s empty. It just wants to make universes all day long, or fail trying. It is a great, weird tadpole-making machine that eats children.

One of the big ways it doesn’t care about you is its attitude toward the self. Humans and trolls and whatnot prefer not to be relentlessly duplicated. SBURB says, oh yeah, let’s make tons of copies of the player characters and use them for a lot of different purposes.

There’s the dreamself, an essential bifurcation of identity (you are now and were always the dream moon princex) that sometimes gets merged into god tier but sometimes doesn’t. There’s doomed timeline selves, who exist ultimately to augment an Alpha timeline whose Alphaness is decided very arbitrarily and frequently by Lord English. There’s the you who exists before a scratched session and the you who exists afterward, who are two different people but started as one baby in an act of ectobaby meteor duplication, your player self and your guardian self. Dead timeline yous fill up the dreambubbles made by the horrorterrors and get endlessly confused with each other. Any one of these could be the you experience being at any given moment, and which one it is entirely arbitrary. Don’t like being Dead Nepeta #47? Tough hoofbeast leavings, kiddo.

To top it all off, in Terezi: Remember, we learn that every single time we thought someone changed from one self to another, was resurrected or something like that, it was another act of duplication. For every time someone’s died, there’s another version of them waiting in the Dream Bubbles, surprised that they’re not the main character anymore. And we have no way of knowing which is which. Even John, good old everyman John, may or may not be the person who died three or four times. It’s really impossible to say whether we’ve been following the same person throughout our story, or just the illusion of the same person, like a horrifying cosmic flipbook.

The retcon is a return to this same theme. Ultimately, there’s very little new in the changes John makes to reality except that they drive the point home.

John’s friends all died. John and his friends won the game. These things are both true at the same time, except those things may not have happened to the same people. There was a happy ending. Hooray! For, um, some folks who may or may not be the ones we care about. In fact, it’s very confusing, because from Rose’s perspective, Roxy is dead but came back to life, and from Roxy’s perspective Rose is dead but came back to life, except also she came back to life as a weird tentacle catgirl of pure id and self –indulgence. So there’s that. Um. Which Rose are we rooting for again?

Or wait: is it none of them, because the first Rose died in a doomed timeline, hundreds of panels and a number of years ago?

There’s a tension here which one experiences between saying it’s okay because it’s still the same people, and saying it’s not okay, because it’s not the same people at all. This tension is exactly what we’re meant to wrestle with. To put it another way, Homestuck asks if identity can work in aggregate. Are all Johns John, all Roses Rose, and do they all share in what they accomplish? Or are the final victors only accidents created by the whims and needs of the frog baby machine?

What I’m saying, basically, is that the retcon, in the sense that it pointed out our confused relationship with these characters, was already here.

In interviews and questions put to him over the years, Hussie constantly compares HS and SBURB to other video games, particularly Mario, which he frequently returns to as a baseline of comparison that most of his readers will know. One answer, from a recent Hiveswap interview, is particularly revelatory. To the question of “Why do you kill off all your characters?” Hussie replies:

[…]HS is supposedly a story that is also a game. In games, the characters die all the time. How many times did you let Mario fall in the pit before he saved the princess? Who weeps for these Marios. In games your characters die, but you keep trying and trying and rebooting and resetting until finally they make it. When you play a game this process is all very impersonal. Once you finally win, when all is said and done those deaths didn’t “count”, only the linear path of the final victorious version of the character is considered “real”. Mario never actually died, did he? Except the omniscient player knows better. HS seems to combine all the meaningless deaths of a trial-and-error game journey with the way death is treated dramatically in other media, where unlike our oblivious Mario, the characters are aware and afraid of the many deaths they must experience before finally winning the game.

The big man hass the answer.

Homestuck is the story of those dead Marios.

Other works, like Undertale, have engaged with this topic as well. But one of the major differences between Undertale and Homestuck is that in Undertale, between “lives,” one’s consciousness is preserved. In Homestuck, it’s discontinuous, and the value of the overall trial-error process is called into question by the fact that you, the player, may not even get to experience the victory. What meaning does victory hold if that is the case?

So, to put it in a nice thesis format:

One of the central themes of Homestuck is the challenge of reconciling an arbitrary and destructive pattern of growth and victory with the death and suffering you experienced along the way. Homestuck asks: is victory worthwhile if you’re not you anymore? And would you be able to know?

What even is the self? Is there such a thing?

If you were left feeling somewhat disconcerted by our heroes’ tidy victory and departure to their cosmic prize, or by how which Rose gets the spotlight is so deeply, deeply arbitrary, there’s a good reason for that. You’re supposed to be.

The philosophical problem of Wacky Cat Rose is insignificant next to the bullshit of SBURB.

And don’t forget—John and Roxy’s denizens helped them achieve the retcon. Ultimately, the victory they achieved was mediated by the same amoral system of SBURB, and was a victory over an enemy, Caliborn, whose power was created, perpetuated, and ended by that same system.

Okay, so here’s where it gets contentious. There’s an argument to be made, which I’m not sure how I feel about, that some of the character development that could have been in post-retcon Act 6 was left out precisely to push this feeling and play up this tension. Note that this is not the same thing as saying that they were deliberately badly written, but that they’re deliberately written to make us uneasy.That Hussie deliberately played with the balance between making these retconned characters feel familiar and making them feel eerily different to leave us feeling uneasy with the result.

I’m not sure I like that idea. It smacks a little too much of that “everything is perfect” thinking that comes sometimes from the far Metastuck camp. Some of the differences may also be the result of flawed writing. (See: Jane and Jake’s character arcs, which I might talk about later.) And I want to be able to critique those flaws. Ultimately, I think we still needed more time and development to figure out who these new people were—even if our goal was ultimately to compare them to their earlier selves. And again, more conscious acknowledgement of the problem from our heroes—especially John, the linchpin in this last and biggest act of duplication—might have helped drive this theme home.

Still, I think the Problem of Dead Marios is one of the most fundamental questions of Homestuck, maybe THE biggest question. It’s essential to understand it to understand what Hussie’s doing—or attempting to do— in the retcon and the ending.

I don’t know that Homestuck offers us a clear answer to that question. There are some confusions around the issue, too. Where do merged selves fit in, exactly? Clearly they’re a big part of the discussion, because Hussie spends some time in Act 6, especially near the end bringing the identity-merging powers of the Sprites to the forefront. (See also: the identity-merged nightmare that is Lord English.)  Can we even come up with a clear answer to what it means when a dead Mario returns to life grotesquely fused with Toad? How does he beat the game? Does he tell himself that the princess is in another castle? Or what if he merges with Peach? Are they their own princess? How do they know if they’re in the right castle?

Um. Anyway—

Interestingly, it’s not all grotesque—spritesplosions suggest that personalities that are too different don’t stay together long, so a fusion might rely on some inherent compatibility between the two players. Erisol’s self-loathing, sure, but also Fefeta’s cheerfulness. Davepeta seems to be a way of bringing out the best in their players, a way of getting Davesprite past his angst and Nepeta past her fear. Honestly, I know a lot of people don’t like Davepeta as the ending of these two characters’ arcs, but I can’t help but love it. They’re the ultimate coolkid. Cool enough to know they don’t have to be cool. Regular Dave got there, too, of course. But was his retcon assist from John ultimately any different?

Then, of course, we come to Davepeta’s speech to Jade in one of the last few updates before Collide. Davepeta suggests that there is such a thing as an ultimate self beyond the many different selves one piles up throughout the cosmos. A set of principles that describes who you are that’s larger than any individual instance of you. Your inherent Mariohood. (Maybe this is comparable to your Classpect identity, which attempts to describe who you are?) Davepeta even tells Jade, strikingly, that one might learn to see beyond the barriers between selves. Be the ur-self, in practice, rather than theory. This would be incredible news for Jade, who wrestles with the issue of different selves perhaps more than any other character. (There’s a lot to say about Jade.)

Honestly, I wish this ur-self idea had been developed more, and I honestly expected it to be. It doesn’t fully come to fruition, I feel. (Same goes for Davepeta’s character. Ohhhh, ZING!) I’m not sure it entirely makes philosophical sense, especially with fusion—I mean, doesn’t Davepeta themself disprove it? Or at least complicate it? Like, are they part of the ur-Dave or the ur-Nepeta? They seem to imply they’re BOTH? Does that even work? Does that mean that Marieach is all the Peaches and Marios at once?

(In fact, Bowser/Peach/Mario are but the three manifestations of one eternal principle. Also, Bowser/Peach are the true power couple. Read my fanfiction plz.)

And what, say, of Dirk, who ultimately ends up rejecting aspects of his other selves? It feels like there’s a lot more you could say here, and I wonder if Hussie would have said more, if he’d had time. What’s weird is, none of our victorious kids never reach an ur-self (though to their descendants, they become archetypal to some degree), which one might have expected. They’re just individual selves who happened to get lucky. Does that make them representative of the whole? It feels like something’s missing here, or like something got dropped at the last minute.

Same goes for the idea of the Ultimate Riddle. You’d be forgiven for missing it, but there’s been this riddle in the background lore of SBURB that seems to have something to do with personal agency in this overwhelming, overarching system. Karkat called it predestination, saying something like “ANY HOPE YOU HAD OF DOING THINGS OTHERWISE WAS JUST A RUSE.” But others have interpreted it more positively. My favorite interpretation, from bladekindeyewear: the answer to the Riddle is that YOU shape the timeline through your existence, personality, and choices, even when it looks like it’s all predestination. Ultimately it’s your predestination, your set of events, based deeply on your nature, that you are creating. Someone like Caliborn can use his innate personality to achieve power; someone like John might be able to use it to achieve freedom.

I definitely expected something like that to be expressed more explicitly. Like, a big ah-ha moment that helps John or Jade or whoever understand how to escape Caliborn’s system. Something like that would have been very helpful for a lot of our heroes, actually, who’ve been pushed around by Skaia and SBURB together, in finding a cathartic ending.  Once again, I wonder if something was dropped or rushed because there wasn’t time to put it all in. There’s places where you can see hints of that Answer being implied, maybe? But it’s kind of ambiguous.

You can see how the Answer to the Ultimate Riddle ties into some of Davepeta’s ideas. If your personality, the rules of your behavior are a fundamental archetype that goes beyond each individual self, then the answer to whether it matters if one self of yours makes it through to victory is an emphatic YES. You are all of those people, and by winning one round with Skaia, you’ve won the whole game, despite all the arbitrary challenges and deaths it heaps upon you along the way.

This may strike some as too positive for Skaia’s brutality, or again, some way of excusing flaws in many characters’ arcs, or unfair things that happen to them. To be fair, I don’t know that Davepeta’s necessarily meant to be taken as authoritative or the voice of Hussie. They may simply be offering a purrspective.

Hussie not choosing to come right out and engage with the Ultimate Riddle leaves the question of Dead Marios and what they mean for the victorious versions of our cast very open. I like that in some ways—let the reader decide—but I can’t help but wish we had more to work with in making that decision. Plus, it might have brought the thematic messages of Homestuck all the way home to tie them more closely to our characters and their experiences—character development being one of the things most people found most lacking in the ending.

NEXT TIME: All that wacky gnostic stuff probably

2

“Study while others are sleeping; work while others are loafing; prepare while others are playing; and dream while others are wishing.” — William Arthur Ward

Hey guys, how was your day?🤓
Mine was okay, I managed to study a little bit and I’ve also done my Weekly Study Schedule (printable from @emmastudies) because I am now on holidays but still have exams at the end of April and beginning of May! After my exams I’ll have 3months and a half of holidays! I AM SO READY FOR THAT TBH!

So here is a little picture of my desk area from today!📚🙌🏻
I’ve also read an article saying that drinking water helps boost one’s mental performance: STUDY! To sum up, it basically helps your brain to work faster! (Now you can picture me drinking 900L of water before my finals hahahaha)😂😂😂

Side note: I ordered “Long Walk To Freedom: The Autobiography of Nelson Mandela”, I’ll have to wait around 2 weeks before getting it because I bought a used one from Amazon for only 3€ (I’m obsessed with used books with pages discoloration, notes and highlighting inside)🙌🏻

Have a nice day guys, I hope you all doing okay, don’t forget to stay motivated no matter what!💪🏻 xx

anonymous asked:

I know that you're old enough to be writing about sex, hence you don't have to give a shit about it but I think it's unfair that many fanfic writers feel obligated to write smut to receive attention and recognition only because so many people are biased. Angst and fluff writers don't really get the chance to show their talents and you can compare most of a writers fic notes and 9/10 their smuts will have 30% more notes than their other stories what kind of sucks. What do you think?

I think preach the fuck out of this. I completely, one hundred and ten percent agree with you and I am certain that many of my other fellow fanfic writers agree too – in fact, I know they do as this is a discussion that has come up plenty of times when conversing with them, and they share the precise same opinion as both you and I do. No matter the age of the writer, it is definitely something to give a shit about because it develops an “unhealthy” writing pattern where the writer, despite their level of experience with writing fanfics (though it can certainly be a defining factor for first-time fic writers and whether they “make it or break it” in the fandom’s fic scene), can begin to doubt whether to write or post a story, solely due to the fact that it does not include smut.

Personally, when planning most of my ideas, they generally begin without any smut unless the main focus of the story is sex itself, like An Oath For Sinners is. But I always notice once I am at a certain point of developing upon the idea, I will end up narrowing the direction of the plot down to two questions: “Will it include smut? Is smut a detrimental piece of the plot, and, if not, will that ultimately minimize the audience that will end up reading the story if I cease to include at least one sex scene?” It is a sad truth, most especially since hundreds of successful young adult novels never pass the barrier of kissing, or even have a romantic element in the first place, yet we as fic writers feel the dire necessity to involve at least a blowjob in order to appeal to a wider audience in the fanbase.

This is also not to say that writing smut is a bad thing because hey, like I said, I literally have a series dedicated to a girl who is an escort and it was something that I genuinely wished to write. But there are many, many ideas that I have put on the backburner because they cease to fit smut into the plot, and I have read a ginormous number of fics that have been without smut, yet are absolutely incredible nonetheless. Though you are right – those fics definitely lacked the 30% extra recognition because of it.

Continuing on, most of us write for ourselves. I certainly do, as the vast majority of my fics are based on ideas that I have developed myself; hence why I rarely take requests from the public. But that does not mean we wish to have zero feedback on a piece we have slaved over for days, as hearing the voices of our readers provides us an insight on the elements they enjoyed that we will then proceed to weave throughout our future pieces. We still desire to appeal to an audience, and at least eighty percent of the time in regards to fanfiction, you have to include a smut scene to do just that.

So I will completely admit that it is a punch to the gut to see that my smut-based oneshot Do You Feel It Sugar? has over a thousand responses in comparison to A Ticket To The Sun that, even still, has a very vague smut scene that I put in there to draw an audience to a genre (dystopia) that can be touch and go when it comes to piquing a reader’s intrigue. It might sound ridiculous, but it begins to plant seeds of doubt in my mind where I think: “Is my writing only considered good if I slather it with sex, and then more sex?” This most especially occurs if I receive a message that asks whether the future chapters of a series I am writing will include smut, which I have been questioned about for The Orange Girl, The Devil Skates On Thin Ice, An Eternity of Red, etcetera.

I am not saying that all fic writers may think such a thing, but that kind of thought process especially occurs to me as somebody who is pursuing writing as a career. It happens all the more so when I reflect on my first persona, sugasmut, which was hitting follower milestones on a fortnightly basis because these people adored reading my collection of fics that I will freely admit were baseless, pwp smuts that hardly ever breached 3,000 words. Now, I am putting out stories that generally exceed a count of 10,000 words, have fully planned out plots with much less smut and more extensive character development – but I rarely receive twenty new followers a week. I am not stating that to sound selfish or upset, because I really could not mind how large or small my follower count is, but rather to show a comparison of what most people are desiring to read. And that, very clearly, is plotless smut.

Let me tell you that there is a grand audience of those who could not care less for reading smut and enjoy a fic just as much without it, and I do certainly have plenty of those types of readers amongst my followers that I am ever grateful for. Yet no matter that, the obligation to write a smut scene lays heavy upon my own, and many other writers’ shoulders if they are hoping to branch out and reach a wider audience, which yeah, can really suck!

 SO LIKE BRACE YOURSELVES BECAUSE THIS IS FUCKING LONG AND I WOULD APOLOGISE BUT MY OTP IS ONLY GETTING MARRIED ONCE SO FUCK IT RIGHT?

OK FIRST OF ALL HELLA TRANSITION AND SECOND OF ALL I LOVE WHAT HE’S WEARING AND THIRD OF ALL HE WORE THE FUCKING EARRING OF MY DEMISE I HATE HIM

AND HIS STUPID PERFECT EYES AND HIS STUPID PERFECT JAWLINE AND HIS STUPID PERFECT EVERYTHING

GOD I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT WE GET TO SEE THIS RELATIONSHIP AND LOOK HOW FAR THEY’VE COME. STEP FATHER AND BEST MAN LIKE SO MANY FUCKING TEARS ALREADY

YOU KNOW HE’S SEEN HER. LOOK AT HIS DAMNED FACE. AND SHE’S FUCKING STUNNNINGGGG IN HER DRESS SO I DON’T BLAME HIM AT ALL FOR THIS REACTION LOL

AND THEN FUCKING LOOK AT THIS RIGHT? SNOW IS TAKING DEEP BREATHS, CHARMING IS JUST HAPPY AF AND EMMA FUCKING SWAN IS LOOKING AT KILLIAN JONES AND SHE CAN’T TAKE HER EYES OFF HIM

ANYMORE THAN HE CAN TAKE HIS EYES OFF HER

LOOK AT THIS LOVE DAMNIT I CANNOT BELIEVE WE’RE GETTING TO SEE THIS FUCK

LOOK AT THIS DUMB LITTLE FAMILY AND HOW FAR THEY’VE COME. I LOVE THAT THEY’RE BOTH WALKING HER DOWN THE AISLE AND BOTH HOLDING HER AS SHE GOES AND I’M JUST SO DAMN HAPPY

LOOK AT THIS. FUCKING WHAT IS THIS WITH THE SMILING AND THE KISSING THE CHEEKS

WHAT IS THIS WHO AUTHORISED THIS? TAKE IT AWAY IMMEDIATELY

AND THIS FUCKING HANDSHAKE?! REMEMBER WHEN HE WAS ALL YOU CAN’T EVER DATE MY DAUGHTER EVERRRRR EVER EVER EVER AND NOW FUCKING LOOK. THEY’RE BROS. SUCH BROS. THIS IS RIDICULOUS HOW MANY EMOTIONS I HAVE RN

OMFG LOOK HOW HAPPY HE IS THAT HE’S GOT HER HAND IN HIS. THAT DAMN SMILE THAT WON’T QUIT

AND OK WHEN ARCHIE SAYS THAT THEY SHOULD RECITE THEIR VOWS KILLIAN LOOKS AT WHO I’M ASSUMING IS CHARMING OR HENRY, OR PERHAPS THE WHOLE FAMILY, JUST GIVING THEM A SMILE AND IT KILLS ME BECAUSE NOT ONLY DID EMMA SWAN FIND A FAMILY, KILLIAN JONES DID TOOOO

LOOK AT THEM DAMNIT, LOOK AT HOW FUCKING HAPPY ARE OMFGGG

AND THE VOWS, THE DAMNED FUCKING VOWS OMFG THE WAY HE FUCKING LOOKS AT HER

AND THE WAY SHE FUCKING LOOKS AT HIM

AND THE FUCKING AWE IN HIS FACE WHEN HE’S LIKE YOU TAUGHT ME THAT A HEART FULL OF LOVE WAS MORE PRECIOUS THAN ANY TREASURE LIKE HE NEVER THOUGHT IN HIS WILDEST DREAMS THAT THIS COULD EVER FUCKING HAPPEN FOR HIM

AND NOW THAT HE HAS IT, HE WILL NEVER FUCKING LET IT GO AND I AM DEAD AND GONE, A SPIRIT IS TYPING THIS RN

AND FUCK LOOK AT HIM TELLING HER HIS HEART IS HERS

LOOK AT HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY ARE OMG I AM SO EMOTIONAL *THROWS THINGS* *THROWS ALLL THE FUCKING THINGS*

I AM GONNA THROW MY COUCH AT SOMEONE NOW BECAUSE DID YOU HEAR HOW SHE SAYS KILLIAN? ALL SOFT AND TENDER AND LIKE SHE LOVES HIM.

AND OMG HENRY FOUND HER AND THE WAY SHE LOOKS AT HENRY TOO. THERE’S JUST SO MUCH LOVE IN THIS ROOM THAT I AM IN PAIN AND FUCKING LOOK AT THE SOFT WAY THAT KILLIAN LOOKS AT HENRY TOO LIKE WHAT THE FUCK

AND HENRY GOD HENRYYY I AM SO PROUD OF HIM AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND HE JUST BELIEVED AND LOOK HOW FAR THEY’VE ALL COME FUCK ME

AND SHE FOUND THE REST OF HER FAMILY TOO BECAUSE OF HENRY

AND THEY’RE HERE ON HER FUCKING WEDDING DAY TO HER FUCKING TRUE LOVE OMFG I AM OVERWHELMED

AND SHE LOOKS AT HIM RIGHT AND SHE’S TELLING HIM THESE THINGS ABOUT TRUE LOVE AND FAMILIES

AND FUCK ME IF KILLIAN JONES ISN’T COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY IN AWE OF THE WOMAN IN FRONT OF HIM. I AM OF THE OPINION THAT KILLIAN JONES THINKS THAT EMMA SWAN IS MAGIC AND HE IS BESOTTED WITH HER ANEW EVERY SECOND THAT HE LOOKS AT HER

AND THIS MOMENT AND EMMA’S VOWS AND OMFG JUST BECAUSE YOU LEARN THAT YOU COME FROM TRUE LOVE DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL FIND IT

AND YET HERE HE IS AND HERE SHE IS AND IT TOOK CENTURIES AND CURSES AND ADVENTURES THROUGH TIME AND REALMS AND FUCKING

NOW THEY STAND HERE AND SHE SMILES AT HIM THIS WAY 

AND HE SMILES BACK AND THEY HAVE PEOPLE WHO KNOW THEM YOU KNOW? ALL YOU EVER REALLY WANT IS FOR SOMEONE TO KNOW YOU, TO SEE YOU, TO KNOW YOUR STRENGTHS AND YOUR WEAKNESSES, YOUR FAILURES, YOUR SUCCESSES AND TO LOVE YOU ANYWAY. 

AND THEY HAVE THAT AND THEY’RE PROMISING TO NEVER LEAVE

AND GODDDDAMN EVERYTHING HELLLLP BECAUSE HONESTLY WHAT THE FUCK MY EMOTIONS ARE SO CRAZY RIGHT NOW I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO WITH MYSELF I LOVE THEM SO FUCKING MUCH

AND OK SHE’S PUTTING THE DAMN RING ON AND HE CAN’T STOP STARING AT HER. LIKE HE JUST KEEPS LOOKING AT HER AND SHE IS FUCKING STUNNING, I DON’T BLAME HIM

HANDSSS HANDS ARE THE REASON FOR MY BEING A PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR

HANDS AND THE WAY THEY’RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER

AND THE WAY HE SAYS I DO, HIS EYES UNWAVERING FROM HERS

AND THE WAY SHE DOES THE FUCKING SAME *SLAMS KEYBOARD* WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS NONSENSE

LOOK AT THIS SMILE, IT WON’T FUCKING STOP LIKE OMFGGGGGG 

ARCHIE IS ME HERE. HE GETS ME. HE TOO IS MARVELLING AT THE PERFECTION THAT IS THE JOY OF CAPTAIN SWAN.

HUSBAND. AND. WIFE. THE. FUCK. WHAT. HOW. I. CANNOT. BELIEVE

THIS FUCKING PERFECTION I CANNOT DAMN BELIEVE DAMN FUCK

AND I THOUGHT I HAD DIED ENOUGH BUT NO, THERE WAS A FUCKING DIP, HIS HAND CLEAR FUCKING AROUND HER WAIST AND COMING BACK AROUND AND THEN FUCKING

YOU GOT YOUR HAPPY ENDING SWAN LIKE KILLIAN FUCKING JONES AND FUCKING EARRING

AND THEN OK, LEAVING ALONE THE DEVASTATING SMILES AND THE CONTENTMENT RADIATING OFF THEM

AND THE ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER AND THE FUCKING FUCKING EARRING

LEAVING ALONE ALL THIS, YOU HIT ME WITH A HAPPY BEGINNING?! THIS IS UNFAIR AND I AM IN TEARS AND I LOVE THEM SO FUCKING MUCH. I DON’T HAVE THE WORDS

*FALLS OVER*

someone gimme a hug pls