i am the best boyfriend for myself

“I lived as Bok Joo so I feel like I actually did fall in love. But I don’t have much interest in guys to start with. This is a key characteristic of solos. I look forward to and am happy for weekends spent alone. I’m happy even when I drink coffee by myself. I don’t have fantasies about boys and I treat them just as comfortable human beings. Sometimes I do get depressed and need somewhere to lean on but I don’t think having a boyfriend will fill that emptiness. I can feel like I might want a boyfriend when I get lonely but I think it’s a time that I need to overcome by myself. I think it’ll be best to date when I have relaxed, free time.” 

-  Lee Sung Kyung (of Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo)

She is amazing. She must be the prettiest girl on earth and she doesn’t even act like it. What I love about her is how down to earth she is and how she can play very different characters, exaggerate and amplify everything… specially the emotions of those characters, and here, with Kim BokJoo you can feel her love.

I will miss this show dearly.

Me: *Is in love with Taehyung. Wants to date Namjoon. Decides that the best match is Yoongi. Thinks that it’d be really adorable to have a boyfriend like Hoseok. Wishes to date Jin, So can cook him nice meals and have dinner dates. Google’s ways to keep up with Jungkook, wishing to date him. Jimin makes it real hard to stay loyal to the rest of them*

Me: *is a hoe for Bts*

I am an androgynous pansexual with depression and an anxiety disorder. My boyfriend is Mexican. One of my best friends is Indian. Another is a lesbian. I have never been so fucking terrified for myself and my loved ones in my life. Can I just ask why? Why does so much of the country hate us? What did we do? How did we hurt you? 


Isaac x Reader

Requested by Anon

“Hey are you ok, you’ve been… weird with me lately.” Allison asked as she and Lydia caught up with you.

“Nope everything’s fine.” You snapped and slammed your locker shut, marching away from her as she called after you.

“Hey Babe, what’s wrong?” Isaac called and you turned on him, making him jump back a little when your eyes flashed dangerously.

Keep reading

I question myself whether we should be together or not.. But it is at night when I am alone and you are my comfort and my warmth and my protector of everything I found in the dark that I know I am making the right decision.


“Forbidden Love”

Am I enough?

I try to be enough. To be acceptable as a human being. Longer eyelashes, skinnier waist, perfect boyfriend, wider smile, no tears. But I am never enough. And it breaks every part of me when I realize that I’m still so far from these requirements. I realize that no one is perfect but somehow I still try my best to be.

No I’m not hungry. I’m okay. No im not worried. I love myself. No those names don’t hurt me. This smile isn’t fake. I love him. Not sad just a little tired. Seriously, I’m not hungry.

Lies. Things I tell myself to try and fit this perfect norm.

There are billions of other girls and boys out there who feel the same. I know I’m not alone. But somehow I still feel completely and utterly lonely.
If society didn’t push these requirements onto us then maybe we wouldn’t need to save so many young teens from themselves.

Friends after all - Dean Winchester x Reader - Chapter 4 (Fake boyfriend/Neighbour AU)

 Title: Friends after all

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Word count: 2,922

Warnings: Fluff (yay for no angst!)

Summary: AU. Dean Winchester. Mechanic. Neighbour. Best friend. Single father. And fake boyfriend? You babysit his daughter. You’ve known him for years and you’ve been really close. Everything will be put to test though when your sister’s wedding approaches and he has the brilliant idea of pretending to be your boyfriend. Nobody would have ever thought of the result. Certainly not you.

Read: Part 1 l Part 2 l Part 3

A/n: Opinions? Guys I am really starting to doubt myself with this story and with how stressed out I am lately this is the only way out. I just want to know that it is not a waist of my little and very restricted free time… Please don’t ignore this. Just give me the slightest hint about your thoughts on this series.

Dean’s smell was more intense this morning than last and it felt as if he was there with you but you tried to brush the thought of. It was just you and your wishful thinking. You closed your eyes as you took in a deep inhale and smelt his scent even through the pillow. You buried your face more into it and the blankets as a small smile spread on your lips.

At least you could imagine that he was there with you, holding you in his arms and loving you just as much as you did.

You scoffed.

Yes, certainly that could only happen in your imagination and never in real-

Your eyes snapped open as you heard a groan right from behind you and an arm that only now you realized that was wrapped around your waist only tighten its grip on you, pressing your back to a strong chest.

Your eyes widened and your breath hitched on your throat. You thought of immediately turning around to see who the person was. You were afraid that the movement was probably going to wake them up so you just opted for turning slowly but steadily. And so you did.

The person let out another groan of protest as you made the first movement and felt them bury their head at the crook of your neck. His face. You were sure it was a man anymore, considering the small scruff that tickled your neck. But that didn’t stop you anyway.

You started moving again and despite the small occasional groans you had now fully turned so that you could face the intruder… only for your eyes to widen more and your heart do that weird beating of its whenever you faced this man. Thisman that now was in bed with you, his arms wrapped protectively around you, his face resting at the crook of your neck close to your chest with his breath creating goosebumps over your whole body, his legs were tangled with yours as youwere pressed firmly into his chest.

This man whose name was Dean Winchester and you had deep feelings for but would never say it out loud.

“Dean…?” you breathed out as your wide eyes roamed his face.

Was this a dream? Yes, it had to be a dream.

He gave no response to his name, nor a small groan. You didn’t say anything further either as you just opted for looking at him a little more. Truth be told you had never seen him so peaceful ever before. He was constantly worrying about everything and everyone, you and Mary on top of that list along with how he was going to make it by. How to save money for Mary and all that stuff a single parent had to worry about. At moments it felt like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and it honestly broke you to see him like that.

But now that was not the case. He seemed so free of every worry, so peaceful that you did not want to wake him up. Well, you did not want to wake him up for another reason as well but that was only selfish- who could blame you though? You had never been in this situation with him before and it certainly felt good to be in his arms like this, enjoying the warmth of his body and the soft tickling sensation of his breath fanning over your neck as well as the sense of comfort and safety his arms around you brought.

A small smile graced your lips as you looked at his face and you could barely keep yourself from extending one hand and tracing the outline of it, just like the sun was now was washing over it with its rays. The freckles over his cheekbones and nose seemed even more adorable at the moment as they shone from the light and you could hardly keep a giggle at the thought. Dean looked not only more peaceful but much more young and innocent than he did when he was awake or under a different light.

Just like all beautiful things, though, your peaceful gazing had to stop as the light that now fully shown over Dean’s face made him groan which only meant he was waking up. He mumbled some incoherent things under his breath and only buried his face more into your neck as if he was trying to protect his face from the light.

You could not keep a giggle that escaped your lips as his slight scuff rubbed over your neck and you cursed yourself under your breath because that was what seemed to catch his attention. His eyes fluttered open and after he blinked several times he looked up at you. It was hard to not smile at how adorable he looked, especially with those messy hair.

“Morning” you mumbled softly.

He blinked a couple more times, looking around him as if he was somewhat lost until he realized that his feet were entangled with yours and his arms wrapped around your waist- in other words you were cuddling.

“Oh. Oh. Sorry, yeah morning” he said with a nervous laugh as he pulled away from you “Goodmorning” he repeated as he proceeded to stretch out in the bed.

“Seems like you found my bed comfortable enough huh?” he said with a smirk

“Seems like you found me comfortable enough huh?” you retorted before you could even comprehend what had left your mouth.

To your luck, though, Dean only laughed out loudly and then nodded his head “Very much so. But… sorry for the uhposition, I tend to do that with everything that is in a bed with me so yeah” he ended with a soft chuckle.

“You mean cuddle?” you emphasized the word, raising an eyebrow at him and you could swear you saw a faint blush on his cheeks.

“Yeah, well- I mean, I- shut up” he ended up grumbling and you had a hard time keeping your laughter. The corners of Dean’s mouth lifted to a smile as well.

“Oh my gosh I never got you to be such a cuddler Winchester” you said unable to keep yourself from laughing.

“Shut up” he grumbled, trying to look offended but the smile on his lips gave it all away “Hey-!” he shoved your shoulder as you could not stop laughing at him “You say a word about this to anyone and be sure I am going to make you pay for it” he said quite threateningly.

You opened your mouth to speak but before you could utter a word another voice cut you off.

“Daddy!” Mary’s voice was heard and you only saw the door open before you heard small and quick footsteps come towards you and then only saw Mary jump on top of Dean.

He let out a small huff as she jumped on him but smiled even more widely nonetheless as he took hold of her and lifted her in the air “Morning princess” he said and kissed her cheek.

“Slept well?” he added and Mary with a big smile nodded her head.

“Yes, yes I did” she said happily “The monsters did not come for me”

“The monsters?” he asked a little bit over-dramatically “But of course they didn’t honey, daddy fought them away for you! I would never let them harm you!” he told her and she let out a giggle.

“Really daddy? You fought them away?” she asked, her eyes widening in awe and you had to keep yourself from giggling.

“Yes of course! Didn’t you know? I used to fight the monsters ever since I was young for uncle Sammy as well-” he said and a smile spread on Mary’s lips at the mention of her uncles name “And then he learned to fight them on his own so that he did not need me and so will you.” he said setting her down so that she was sitting between the two of you.

“Does (Y/n) know how to fight the monsters away?” she asked looking up at you for a second.

“Yes of course! Who do you think is always there to patch daddy up?” he told her with a smile and you giggled as he winked up at you.

“Patch you up? Like when I fall and hurt my knee and she cleaned it and put a plaster with bees on?” she asked and Dean nodded immediately.


“Then I want to learn to fight monsters too!” she exclaimed happily throwing her hands in the air.

“We’ll have time for that. You’ll see when you get older how you will easily scare them off on your own” he said, picking her up and setting her on his lap.

“Or considering how beautiful you’ll be, have them fall for you” you said shrugged and Dean looked at you with narrowed eyes, a small scoff leaving his lips making only a big smile spread on yours.

The talk was no longer about the ‘monsters’.

“What? Do you really think that moment is never going to come?” you raised an eyebrow as a scowl set on Dean’s face “I’m sorry to tell you Dean but it will. No matter how much you try to deny it there will be a day when Mary will bring you to meet her first boyfriend and then there will be a day she gets married, leaves the house gets a family of her own, children and a husband and-”

“No” he grumbled like little child, effectively cutting you off “I was with her from her first steps, her first words, her first birthday. The first time she scrubbed her knee while still trying to learn how to walk. Where was her boyfriend then, huh?”

You couldn’t help but notice the way he almost growled the word and you could not stifle a giggle “Probably taking his first steps as well, if he hadn’t already” you said simply with a small smile, shrugging your shoulders.

“No” a small pout was on Dean’s lips “She’s my baby. My little girl.” he said hugging her closely to him, pressing her small head against his puffed cheek as he clearly pouted now.

You could not keep yourself but chuckle at him “Dean, I’m sorry to break it to you but- not for much longer.” you said matter-of-factly.

“No” he said like a little stubborn child “Shut up” he grumbled and turned to look at Mary as he bounced her on one knee.

“Whatever” you shrugged, raising your hands slightly in surrender.

“Daddy?” Mary’s voice broke the almost silence that had surrounded you for a few second and both you and Dean looked at her “Are you going to stay home today?”

Dean hummed, nodding his head as he let go of her and moved so that she was sitting between you and him “And…” she started speaking again, taking hold of your hand and playing with your fingers “Can (Y/n) stay with us today?” she asked and looked up between the two of you with big eyes filled with hope.

“If she wants to” Dean shrugged looking at you and so did Mary.

You only smiled down at her “Sure why not” you said and her smile got ten times bigger as she jumped up and down on the bed happily.

“Yay!” she exclaimed happily and neither you nor Dean could keep yourself from laughing just slightly.

“Yay yay! We will watch movie a-and eat pop-corn and then watch some more movies a-and we can play with my dolls or-or my army men! Yes! And then then we can sleep together or- no, you and daddy are going to sleep together right?” she had stopped jumping and was now only sitting down as she looked between the two of you.

“We- Where did that come from Mary?” Dean asked her back instead.

“Well, you two slept together last night right? Isn’t that what couples do right?” she said ever so innocently and you would be lying if you said you didn’t feel a pang in your chest at her words.

“Well uh-” Dean breathed out a little shakily, as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, just glancing at you once"Sometimes friends do sleep in the same bed together as well, honey. Like- like siblings. And (Y/n) and I are best friends so that does not mean anything" he tried to explain the best he could.

“Oh” she mouthed a little sadly as if she was actually disappointed and you had to keep yourself from showing yourdisappointment and hurt as well.

“But that means she can sleep with you tonight so there is no problem” he said, seemingly trying to cheer her up.

“But why did you sleep together last night if you are only friends?” she asked, as if she had not heard him the second time.

“Because-” Dean licked his lips, glancing at you for a second “Because daddy was really tired last night and so was (Y/n) who had immediately fallen asleep. I did not want to wake her up and she seemed really comfortable, that’s why”

“Oh ok then” she seemed to be satisfied with his answer.

“Date didn’t go that well?” you said raising an eyebrow at him and only then he looked at you.

“Date went awful” she shook his head “The chick was desperate I’m telling you”

“And were not her assets enough for just one night?” you asked again.

“No, definitely no with that personality. I could hardly make a proper conversation with her turning the conversation into something dirty or even grabbing my-” he stopped himself before he could finished and glanced at Mary for a second “-my buddy, you know” he made hand motions.

“Oh that desperate” you said with a chuckle and you could not help a sigh of relief either “So nothing happened?”

“Nothing at all and trust me it was for the best. I don’t want a woman for just one night this time” he answered.

“Daddy, uncle Castiel with you last night?” Mary asked ever so innocently.

He was not her uncle but at this age that’s how she called all of Dean’s friends she knew.

“How did you think that Mary?” he asked her back.

“You call him buddy very often” she shrugged with her small shoulders.

“Uh yeah yeah” he said before snorting a little “I think I should introduce him to the chick, just to see his expression when she grabbed his buddy” he said slightly snickering until you both laughed out loudly.

“Come on, leave poor Castiel on his own. He just does not have the experience you do with women, there is no reason totease him about it” you said, laughing just slightly.

“Well, he needs to get that experience. That’s what I’m for!” he said matter-of-factly and you only shook your head at him.

“What experience?” Mary’s childlike voice asked again and you turned to look at her “Nothing sweetie, nothing” you said ruffling her hair.

“Ok. Daddy will you make me pancakes?” she asked looking up at him with hopeful eyes.

Dean let out a small groan and opened his mouth to protest but you cut him off “Oh come on Dean, I want some as well” you said and looked at him with puppy eyes as well.

“But-” he started but could not say more.

“Pleeeeease” you begged him some more.

“Pretty pleeeease” Mary said in the same voice tone.

“Pretty pretty pretty pleeeease” you added.

Dean looked between you and Mary and you could see in his eyes how he was bout to agree. He let out a groan and a smile immediately spread on your lips as you both knew he had lost the battle.

“You two are going to be the death of me” he grumble, running a hand over his face “Fine fine, I will.” he said letting out a defeated sigh.

“Yay!” both you and Mary exclaimed and a smile spread on Dean’s lips.

“But-” he raised a finger “-You are going to make me your awesome eggs with bacon-” he said and you nodded your head immediately “-and you-” he pointed a finger at Mary “-are going to give your daddy a big kiss and up to help (Y/n) with those awesome eggs” he said and tapped his finger on his cheek.

You and Mary both let out a giggle. You at how much of an adorable dork he could be for his daughter and she at how great of a father he actually was. She leaned in and gave him a big kiss on the cheek that made a huge smile spread on Dean’s lips. He pecked her forehead as well and ruffled slightly her hair before he spoke.

“Alright, you go and I will be down in a few minutes. Need to get a quick shower” he said and as you gave him a nod.

“Come on bug, let’s go” you said tickling slightly her belly.

You picked Mary up and put her over your shoulder you ran out of the room as her giggles could be heard throughout the entire house.

Dean let out a soft chuckle of his own as he watched you leave and let out a content sigh for the first time in a long. He got out of bed and made his way to the bathroom.

It was going to be a long day for the both of you and, he had a feeling, not so good or easy.


A/n: (Just hoping some might see it here) Opinions? Guys I am really starting to doubt myself with this story and with how stressed out I am lately this is the only way out. I just want to know that it is not a waist of my little free time… Please don’t ignore this. Just give me the slightest hint about your thoughts on this series. You don’t know how much I need it at this point.

@jodyri @starswirlblitz @liger26 @yaya-snowflakes @thegirlwiththeimpala @virgosapphire79 @candycaneo @lovelifelovebooks @waywardpenguinunknown @blacktithe7 @aedwards4102 @thebadassbitchqueen @faithfulpanicmoon @justbreatheimagine @marvelouswinchester @deascheck @absurdos @avengersimagifics @starlingfalls @huntingforwerevolves @mercurycth @run-as-fast-as-you-caan @angyexoxo @jazminwinchester @carry-on-wayward-angel-66 @imbatman-79 @danie-saur @daydreamingintheimpala @ithinkimadorablereally @savethedxy @clariedelalune @going-craicers @krista200022 @supernatural-x-reader-imagines @apeshit7x @avengersgirllorianna @superwhovian80 @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @my-own-paradise-fuckers

anonymous asked:

My long-time boyfriend broke up with me. It's my fault, I refused to get help every time he asked me. I struggle with depression and an eating disorder, mostly restrictive eating. He still loves me but can't take care of his own mental issues as well as mine. He still loves me, and I him, but he doesn't want to be with me right now. I'm more depressed now than before. Do you have any advice for this type of situation? I just feel like giving up on it all.

I am so sorry you’re going through this! Honestly my best advice would be to give him some space. Most people don’t know how to react when someone they love is dealing with mental health issues. No matter how much he loves you, he also has to take care of himself. I have to remind myself that while I might handle my ed and depression well it could be really overwhelming for my boyfriend.

girl follower : me and my girlfriend 
male follower : me and my boyfriend
me in my head : I need to say something positive and reaffirming so they know that I am half homo and wish to bond over our shared love for the same sex and then we can be best friends forever and always and make cookies and fight stereotypes and take on social justice single handedly!
me out loud: GAY!


Hi there, my name is Frank. I am a stoner. I enjoy it because it helps my anxiety, stimulates my mind, and it is just damn good.
I am also a hard worker, a best friend, a brother, a son, a good boyfriend, a chef, and a poet.
I work 40+ hours every week. I’m paying of school loans and other bills. I make sure my monthly bills are always paid, have food in my fridge and I’m all set before I spend anything on myself. I am responsible and never put my recreational use affect me or let it be first priority. Just as anyone who enjoys their green, their alcohol, cigarettes, or even hobbies, should never do.
I’m Frank, a stoner and I am not what the media perceives of me. I’m much more.


imagine this:

dan and phil post a video called ‘the dan and phil tag’

and they go on to explain how people’ve called it the best friend tag, the roommate tag, the boyfriend tag, the soulmate tag -

and they’re all of those things, none of them less important to who they are than the other, but that’d make a crap video title, wouldn’t it?

so they called it the dan and phil tag

because, in the end, it’s not about labes, it’s about them, it’s about their story

ok so

the main reason i wanted to make this blog is to talk about issues w/in myself that are ?? concerning to say the least.

i’ve noticed a lot recently that i really… do not get attached to people. like really anyone. there are a few people that I would be sad to lose at first, but overall i am really okay with it. even my boyfriend, even my very close/best friends. and this has nothing to do with them, because they’re all really graet people whom i enjoy spending time with. i just am not really connected to anyone, nor do i feel obligation towards people.

and i’ve noticed it a lot more as far as romantic connections go, since i’m living with my partner. like i hear about love, and see love, and see all of these people doing and loving their partners and i have… never felt any of that. for anyone. ever. i do a lot for my partners, and i do care about them. but “love” as what i’ve seen/heard/know of is apparently not what i am acting on. 

i don’t get butterflies, i don’t really miss them (i miss having company/someone to share things with, not them specifically–and really at my convenience? because sometimes i do not interact with my partner, nor do i want to that day), i really do not like or enjoy intimacy, i hate sharing a living space with someone else; including a bed. 

i just ??? idk. i have emotions, because i cry about these realizations and get upset about it lmao. but as far as being connected to others deeply and loving people… idk. it just, isn’t a thing i feel. 

i haven’t talked to my family in ??? idk. since Christmas? sometimes I miss my mom, but that takes *a lot* to get me there. 

anonymous asked:

If you were my boyfriend I'd send you good morning and goodnight texts. I would tell you I love you so much each time hopefully earning you being red. I'd take you to the beach and we could have a picnic and watch the sunset. Then go back home and cuddle up under some blankets and watch Dan and Phil videos while holding hands. And every time you giggled I'd smile to myself thanking the stars for you and realizing in each moment how lucky I am. (Sorry if that's like weird or too specific)

this is ,,, the best fucking thing ive ever read !! holy, babe this is so fucking pure and precious, my heart feels so warm and you sound like an absolute angel that id cherish with my whole heart ,, seriously this is so good and im in love with this nd you and you’re a fucking cutie who now owns my heart, please, id love to date you



 WARNING: involves guns, some violence, cursing and kidnapping..
 Today was shit…For all the horrible days I’ve had, this one takes 1st prize. I lose my job, my boyfriend cheats on me with my co-worker that used to be my best friend, and all this in about 12 hours. Now i’m driving down some road I’ve never been on so I can clear my head, but of fucking coarse my car has to break down. I bang my head against the steering wheel and curse to myself while stepping out of my car. I start walking down the road, not sure where I am or where i’m going, but i really don’t care…


About 5 miles up the road I notice a building. I start running towards it hoping that they had a telephone of some sort so I can call someone to come get me. My legs and feet feel as if they’ve been ripped apart and put back together as well, so the thought of sitting down was a push to get there faster. When i’m closer to the building I squint my eyes from the light as I have been walking in the pitch black night for who knows how long, and make out that the building is actually a gas station. I walk inside and feel the cold air conditioning hit my skin, making a shiver run down my spine. The old man behind the check out counter notices me after hearing the ‘ding’ of the door chime and gives me a strange look, probably wondering why a lady in a pencil skirt and blouse that’s covered in sweat and dirt is in a gas station in the middle of the night. I walk over to the counter and lean against it so I won’t fall. “Do you have a phone I can borrow?” I ask.

He nods and turns around to go into the backroom. I sigh and run my hand through my hair feeling a little bit of  weight lifting off my shoulders, then i hear a sudden screech of tires. I look to the front of the gas station to see a black SUV and 4 boys in ski masks hopping out of it holding guns. I find myself frozen in fear and unable to move. The first thing I think to do is scream, but my throat feels as if its closing up. The man comes back from the back room and sees me frozen in place staring out the front window of the gas station. He hears the door chime  and looks over to see the 4 boys in ski masks pointing their guns at the both of us.The  man at the counter puts both his hands up in the air telling the boys they can take whatever they want as I still cant move. The only thing only thing I can see about these boys is their eye color and their heights. The tallest boy with what seemed to be blue eyes goes behind the counter with a duffel bag pointing his gun at the mans head and tells him to open the cash register and put the money in the bag. Two of the other boys walk into the back room rummaging  through the stuff back there. I finally come back to my senses and start to slowly back away from the scene happening to escape through the front door. When I bump into someone I curse to myself and turn around to meet another boy with a pair of forest green eyes and plump lips forming a smirk. “Where ya goin’ sweetheart?” he asks in what seems to be an australian accent. 

I suck in a sharp breath of air and lock my arms to my sides unsure of what to do.The green eyed boy laughs and grabs my arms to turn and pull me against his chest, holding my whole body in his one arm and pointing his gun at my head. “Hey guys, I think we got a keeper!” he yells to the others.

The two boys that were in the back room come back to the front and laugh when the see the green eyed boy holding me. The blue eyed boy grabs the duffel bag full of money from the man that works at the gas station and walks over to the boy and I with a smirk. When he now stand in front of the both of us,  he bends down to my height and places his hand on my left cheek. “Go put her in the car.” He says and that’s when a sharp hit to my head causes me black out.

This is the first time ive ever written anything on here and I know this pretty much sucks but I would love to continue this so if u want a part 2, my ask box is open…THANK YOU!!!XXX (i would also like to thank whatsupbands and 5sos-visual-blurbs for inspiring me to write)

Part 2

I hate valentines day.

Ok this is a mod post. Here are some reasons why I do:

1. 9 years ago I did a surprise for my parents and I got sent back to my room and called a cow.

2. 8 years ago I sent my best friend a valentines card and he never found out it was me (he is a boy)

3. 7 years ago I sent the same boy another card hand-made by myself. He opened it in front of all this mates and I got bullied for it.

4. This year my boyfriend dumped me. And we are now ‘good friends’ but in reality, he’s dead to me. And right now, as I type this I am crying.

So 4 reasons why I hate Valentines day. I hope this goes viral so people can understand that I will NEVER have a good valentines day. So on so forth:


acesparson replied to your post: [[MOR] so the shortcut is i hate myself and i…

i hate the other post so much (im one of those who hate themselves too, n never had a manipulative streak in myself (as I suspect u never had either) compared to, say, some ex-friends of mine. i want to smackdown that horrible post so hard but i’m too drained tonight & don’t want the lashback. just wanted to say you’re not alone in this *hugs*

i tend to agree with everything that tells me I’m terrible/calls me out ahah - like I’m 0% capable of defending myself about these kind of things, so I can’t really do it either

i mean it’s something everyone around me does - boyfriend, best friend, my mom especially has done something close to this my entire life (whenever i feel bad/mess up/fail something, it’s about her feelings like ‘am i such a bad mother?’ like, jeez) so i know how frustrating it is

it’s just very very hard to keep pretending i’m all confident and fine and i’m not dying inside whenever someone realises that bad things about me are true, idk. it’s not fair to put that on others, though, and to make them feel like they have to make me feel better (they really don’t, but i also understand they’d feel bad if they didn’t). so i just try to keep it to myself most of the time, ahah. sometimes, like when it’s going badly already or i’ve messed up too much in a short amount of time or i’m just too tired, I slip, and idk. it feels worse, but i’m trying, i guess.

It feels so good when he says he adores me. I could just dance and die at the same time, a spiral into madness.
The best kind. The type of emotion that’s boundless, and can do anything.
I am capable of so much. I am me, and I have so much love to give. I have so much of myself to fill your hands with.
You will be heaped up with me, and flowers will spring from where I lie, collapsed in your arms.
—  Hushed-words