i am super unhappy with this

Been roughly a year since the start of The Smothering.

Here’s a run-down of what’s happened in the last year and where we are now.

So originally I wrote out the storyboard for the episode out on 7 huge pieces of A2 paper, laying them out on the floor of my small room.

I then took the super sketchy ideas on the page, blu-tacked them to the wall above my Laptop, and redrew them all digitally as roughs. I added backgrounds, changed poses, modified shots I was unhappy with and just generally refined the storyboard as I drew.

After completing the roughs I started on the Line art. This is the process of redrawing the rough crappy sketches into much prettier, more appealing, art.

Currently I am finishing off page 5 of the line art, meaning that I only have 2 more pages to go until all the art for the project is finished.

(This is ignoring the backgrounds of episode, none of which have been done, but I do have some thoughts on how to rush those)

The remaining pages will not take that long, considering the fact that my later roughs looks less like crude, messy  sketches, and more unpolished line art that I merely need to draw over. You’ll notice that when the episode finally is released that the my ability to draw the characters massively improves as I progressed with the project. Like a microcosm of season one.

I’m hoping to have all the assets for the episode completed mid February. Then all that would be left is the editing. Which I would thankfully not have to do.

Have a Merry Christmas SU folks. I hope you’ll all like the episode when it’s finished. 

that time Bull motivated me and helped me through self-hate

i never really make posts like these, but to tl;dr i just really hate my body so much and it puts me in a very bad mood. i feel very uncomfortable and unhappy 99% of the time. it’s my own fault, because i am super lazy, but i completely lack any motivation and a lot of issues with my health bring me down, too. i can’t lift weights, or else my back will collapse. i have to use my own body strength and it’s very difficult and i hate it.

but i want to do it so badly. i want to feel ok with my body, i want to feel confident enough to dress a certain way. i want to be strong, i want to have nice definition and feel healthy instead of groggy and weak and stop hating myself.

starting to play da:i i found a ray of hope; iron bull& krem. i’ve seen posts before about how these two have helped them with body positivity, and this is one of those posts. honestly, i admire them so much and i feel like i’m a part of the chargers. i want to be. i want to train and be strong and do cool athletic things and be fit so that i’d actually survive in a setting like dragon age. i’m a fucking 20 yr old and the closest i have to a training coach is an imaginary man with horns from a videogame. but it’s alright. it makes me feel motivated and i hope i can train well and feel  better with myself. 

this is to all of us out there in this situation: you can do it!! take it easy. you can get that muscle mass, that weight loss, those collar bones, those abs, anything you want!! keep working hard and don’t give up. the chargers are proud of you. take care of yourself and honor your body like the temple it is. horns pointing up!!! 

calibaz  asked:

Maybe I'll be happy later, but right now, I'm too bitter about the whole proposal scene.

I hope you will. I don’t want anyone to be unhappy. I’m personally really just kind of, done? I dunno. I’m not like super angry or upset, nor am I over the moon elated.

I hope there’s some good Killian scenes with whatever their plan is for him, a second proposal would be nice but I’m not holding my breath, an angst free wedding would be superb but they’ve already said it’s part of the main storyline so yeah, let’s not bank on that.

At this point I’m just kind of going to step back into fandom land because I like it there, fic is way better than anything they’ll conceive on this show, and I’m not here for validating this kind of writing with my enthusiasm.

I was gonna make a text post about how unhappy I am with myself that I haven’t drawn much this month.

Then looking through stuff I remembered.

My hand was in bad shape most of the month.

So there’s my excuse, KEK

~~

Also I’m gonna be getting up super early tomorrow, and the clocks go forward so I lose an hour in bed, and I don’t have a lot of time to begin with, and I got a headache and im gonna be working alone most of the day tomorrow on a busy day (cos mothers day here in the uk).

I’m gonna be tired as fuk

Sorry for the ramble

i’m super unhappy with my body but i don’t want to try dieting again… i don’t want to stick to rules and feel deprived and then lose the weight and be stuck with the “okay now what” feeling

so i think i just need to research and understand how to have a better relationship with what i put in my body. slow down, be a mindful eater… so for now i’m just trying to stop myself and be like “am i eating cuz i’m hungry? is this going to nourish my body?” and just try and eat varieties of real foods whatever they are. just no processed stuff

i want the “rules” to be second nature… and i want to be able to do everything in moderation

i bet my therapist can help with this…

Pre-order problems

So I don’t normally pre-order games I usually stumble upon them after they are many years old and significantly cheaper but thanks to that happening with Mass Effect I am now super excited and pre-ordered Andromeda (I’ve heard that some people are unhappy with how some of the game is made character/story wise but I am fucking excited so fight me), I’ve been doing all I can to avoid anything posted by gaming news sources as they can reveal a lot and have been sticking to the official teasers done by Mass Effect themselves. My main problem is now that I’m super hyped I can’t go talking to my friends via Facebook about how super excited I am else my parents see it and get pissed that I bought a game that I know will drag me in. So instead I’m posting this here

Goodbye TVD ...

Okay, so we’ve seen the outcome. We’ve shed some tears. Some of us are okay, some of us are unhappy, and some of us are really happy with the outcome. I can see everyone’s perspectives and appreciate everyone’s thoughts. 

Now, while I am not super happy with the outcome of the finale, it does have some redeeming parts. I did really love all the Steroline moments we got. They were the most poignant and memorable parts of the entire episode, aside from Bonnie’s magic with her ancestors, which was great to see. 

I thought in general this entire episode was really rushed and and not properly pieced together which I think would have helped it significantly. I’m hoping for a lot of deleted scenes on the DVD to help piece things together. The whole Katherine plot just seemed too easy. She’s like there for barely 10 mins and they’ve already figured out how to solve getting rid of her. This used to take episodes to figure out with twists and turns in between. Katherine always had a plan B and she was smarter than this. She seemed too easy to take down. They should have fleshed this out a bit more, made us think - given us more time to feel one emotion before moving onto another. 

Elena was an afterthought TBH. I didn’t really care all that much that she came back. Her plot device was only to come back to be with Damon and make him happy. While the others were happy to see her back, nobody was really that overjoyed. I think they should have just focused on the core 4 - Stefan, Damon, Bonnie, and Caroline. 

I liked that in the end they left it open ended as you don’t know when they died or how, but it was also sort of confusing, I think the editing could have been better with those scenes to maybe make it clearer. 

While I understand the writers wanted to give that little nod to Klaroline, I don’t like the fact that it gave KC shippers hope for something to happen between the two after all the Steroline buildup. It sort of tarnishes the greatness that Steroline was, whether Klaus has become more of a hero than a villian on another show or not. 

I was kind of hoping that they would have killed someone else, but they went with the obvious kill … Stefan. I am not shocked, I wouldn’t have been shocked if either brother had just died. Honestly, if you wanted to shock me, you should have made Matt the hero in the end. I could have respected that a lot more, and it honestly would have redeemed that character for me in a bigger way, because I have felt his character has been such a throw away over the 8 years, and they built his family history up so much this year, it was kind of a let down. 

I’m not sure what I’m supposed to read into Bonnie’s ending. I’m glad she’s living her life and seeing the world, but what are we supposed to take from that necklace full of blood she was holding? Is she contemplating becoming a vampire? Is she simply reminiscing over Enzo? How come we don’t see her die and re-unite with her family in the end. Granted we did get an epic witchy scene at the end. 

I loved the Steroline moments the most. I’m glad we brought the snow globe back and the fact that Stefan’s last lines to Elena were to tell Caroline that he would love her forever and that Caroline gets to hear that he heard her message. That was legit the most emotional moment of the entire episode for me. I will cherish those brief moments, but I would have loved just a small additional line about when she was ready, he’d be ready for her. That would have been the best way to sign it off. 

The ending wasn’t terrible. Don’t get me wrong, I love that Stefan got to reunite with Lexi, his best friend, and that Damon got to live a happy life with Elena and eventually died and found peace and found his brother, but I’m left feeling bad for Caroline because I don’t actually know when or if she will die and ever be reunited with him. I wish we could have gotten more from this. 

All in all, it wasn’t the worst ending to a show I’ve ever seen … and I’m sure I’ll be disappointed again in the future, and I’m glad I know once and for all how this all goes down and that I can move on an obsess about something new now. 

I’m sure in time everyone that is upset will eventually come around. I get the message, I do. Life doesn’t end when you die … it goes on … Life isn’t about the final moments, it’s about the moments that led up to them. This is what this show has always been about … life and death, and I guess if that’s what they were going for, they got that. I just wish there had been some subtle tweeks here and there and I would have loved it a lot more. There are character flaws here and there that some people will never forget, but those don’t bother me, it’s the subtle plot punctures that I wish could be fixed.


I will re-watch it all eventually … I think I just need a little time. 

Thank you to all my fellow Steroline shippers. I’m going to be here … this isn’t the end … we’re all just moving on to more fandoms to freak out about. :) 


Steroline Forever!!!

BEST QUOTES OF HEECHUL

Kim Heechul is The King and here are just few of his best quotes. “No need the lights, myself will shine" “If you can’t accept all 15 members, then what kind of ELF are you…?” “I’m not your everything [as an idol]” “I tried living as a very nice person, but there is no need to be nice…You have to be mean to survive” “Self-confidence is the best fashion” “Because ELF exist, Super Junior is eternal” “I am happy, because I’m breathing…There is no such thing as unhappiness until one stops breathing” “Wherever I go, being pretty causes problems” “Didn’t we just say God is very fair? I have the good looks, the brains and the knowledge…so of course I don’t have a good temper” “I don’t fall over, I give the ground the privilege to see my face close up” “The most precious thing in the world: me, because if there was no me, nothing could work out in this world” “People who support me while attacking others. I don’t think of them as my fans” “I haven’t found a girl that’s prettier than me. Seriously, this isn’t a laughing matter” “Many of my classmates are married already. Me? I will just treat it as if I were married to my fans” This is why Heechul is The King.

Originally posted by heecorner

fic rec friday

Topic of the day: Thanksgiving! I hope everyone is having a safe and warm week/end even if this is not a holiday you celebrate! Please enjoy this holiday drama and fluff.

Pleased to Meet You, Take My Hand - G - 3k - luninosity

Thanksgiving at the mansion (written December 2011). More holiday fluff; some more tidbits of emotional hurt/comfort; protective Erik, first kisses; Charles smiles often, but he doesn’t laugh all that frequently, Erik realizes.

Warnings: References to Charles’ unhappy childhood.

Note: Super sweet and happy, even with the hurt/comfort involved (maybe especially because of it!). A very nice picture of what Thanksgiving could be like for the crew if there was a happy end to First Class.

For the Love of Pumpkin Pie - M - 15k - Butterynutjob

Need a date for Thanksgiving? Mad at your dad? I am a 28-year-old felon with no high school degree, and a dirty old van one year younger than me covered in graffiti. I can play anywhere between the ages of 25 and 35 depending on if I shave. I’m a line cook and work late nights at a bar. If you’d like to have me as your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you, to torment your family, I’m game.

Warnings: Charles’ dysfunctional family: homophobia, antisemitism, underage drinking, threat of violence, guns

Note: Full of holiday drama and shenanigans.  It’s ridiculous and sweet and everyone is perfect.

and what of the miracle that happened here? - T - 2.5k - afrocurl

There have been so many Hanukkahs between their first shared one and now, but that didn’t mean that the holiday couldn’t (and wouldn’t) be special in Charles’ mind.

There were just a few new rules and the colliding of one holiday with another.

Note: A beautiful portrait of old mutants in love where they’re both still connected to their past lives and making a new life together.  (Thanksgiving and Hanukkah are both in this fic)

Holiday - G - 5k - pocky_slash

Every year on this day, Erik finds himself back in Charles’ bed. Charles knows why. Erik’s not sure he can say the same.

Notes: This one’s more about Hanukkah than Thanksgiving, but it still belongs in this post. It’s such a heartwarming piece about the meaning of holiday and family and it’s handled so well. <3

Previous Recs

These aren’t the best pictures of me but thats not the point. The first picture I was 155 pounds or more! I was super unhealthy and unhappy. In the second picture I am 128 pounds, significantly happier, and in a much better place. I had terrible self esteem issues when I was overweight but I never thought that my weight was the issue. I ate fast food all the time, drank soda, ate a lot of red meat, didn’t do exercise, and the list goes on and on. After becoming vegetarian I became more conscience about what I ate and there for have lost 25+ pounds! I have cut out caffeine from my diet as well as all meats, cow milk, and most of if not all fast food. My body has changed so much! As you can see in the pictures my neck is thinner, my face is not as rounded, my arms are not nearly as large, and my back looks smaller as well. This journey has taken me nearly a year and I am not going to stop. Take care of your body it’s the only one you’ve got! 

Mind games

“I can’t just unleash a med student on these patients, they’re not expecting it and on top of that, these folks are also my neighbors and friends.”
- super small town family practice doctor when, after three days of basically just shadowing, I told him I want to see more patients on my own and write my own notes because I learn best by doing. I then cried by myself in the empty xray room during lunch break because I am frustrated, bored, and trapped because ‘unleashing a med student on patients’ is kind of what he signed up for when they sent me here. I had been told by many fourth years the rural docs were awesome about letting med students get involved and do things. So disappointed.


“Good morning beautiful wife. Find the good in today, I can’t wait to see you tonight.”
- text from the Cabbage this morning.


So I’ve got a big huge smile plastered on my face, I am being EXTRA cheerful in hopes of tricking my brain into not hating this gosforsaken town. Plus I get to go home tonight!!

Having very mixed feelings about the spoilers right now.

In complete honesty, I will be incredibly disappointed in Ishida-sensei if he simply kills Eto off. She has consistently been such a compelling and unique villain, completely unlike anything I have read in a long time.

A female villain with such depth, that was so powerful and terrifying, and brilliant just…….is such a rare thing.

And if Ishida simply threw everything away for the sake of “Now Kaneki is super-powerful”, I will be incredibly disappointed.

Like….then what? Where does Aogiri fit into things with the head cut off? What point was there in establishing these incredible abilities, such as whatever she did to Noro and Kanae?

Like….that’s it? Two chapters of conflict and he just kills her? She just dies without even a real battle between them? Her story, the core story which influenced so much of the entire series, just….over?

God, I hope Ishida doesn’t do that. That he doesn’t throw away an incredible villain and dozens of threads just for the cheap shock.

31420) My best friend is super pretty and skinny, and every time I meet her I feel even worse about my body. She knows that I’m unhappy about the way I look, and she always tells me that she thinks I’m pretty. She always tells me nice things and does her best to make me love myself, she stays awake at night when I’m crying just to help me. I love her so much, and still don’t want to meet her because of my body image. I hate this. I am so sorry and ashamed because she always was there for me.

Despite Sunday and Monday’s positive vibes, today was not a good one. 

I’m letting it get to me. I said I wouldn’t, but it is. I have meetings all day tomorrow and meetings are killing me these days. I need something positive to focus on/look forward to. 

I have to remember that I am my own agent of change. If I’m unhappy, no one can fix it but me. I can only control myself. 

So I will take some steps forward (vague, I know, but for good reason). 

Tonight called for a bit of wine and Doctor Who. And ukelele playing. Determined to learn a song as requested by niece. 

It’s all downhill after tomorrow! 

P.S. Thank you for all of your messages and comments on NROLFW! They were super helpful and I’ll keep you updated on my progress/thoughts.

Hello I’m Joann. I’m of Vietnamese and Ecuadorian descent (Hispanic-Asian). I am a panromantic pansexual~ 

All my life people have made my feelings and hard efforts invalid and the reason being is because I’m Asian (not to mention they completely skip over the fact that I’m also Hispanic). I would work extremely hard for a test and in the end get an A and I would be super happy. Then people would say, “well duh, you’re Asian.” I would be unhappy about my body image and people would tell me, “Of all the people who have a right to worry, YOU are not one of them. For god sake you're Asian.“ This would leave me feeling extremely guilty like I was not allowed to feel this and all because I was Asian. I would feel invalid like I wasn’t a person instead I was Asian. I became so overwhelmed with all the expectations that people had of me….and be ashamed when I could not fulfill them. They always made me feel different like I wasn’t apart of anything. They treated me like I was a unicorn. 

Now let me tell you my high school is 75% African-American, 17% Caucasian and 8% other. This made it even harder to blend in. That’s all I wanted. I wanted to be invisible but instead I stuck out A LOT. For a long time I had trouble coping with this and depression kicked in along with many suicidal thoughts. I never wanted to change my race, no I love being Hispanic-Asian. I just wanted it to not be such a big deal with so many expectations.

Now with that sad I just want all the Asian beauties out there to know that you are indeed VALID. Don’t let anyone see you for your race but for you. I love you all and please continue being strong. 

Also shout out to all my Asians who are dealing with mental illnesses such as:  major depression disorder, general anxiety disorder, panic/anxiety attacks, dissociation, paranoia, misophonia, and other mental illnesses/mood disorders that make it really difficult to leave your bed. I love you and be strong. MWah~