i am super unhappy with this

anonymous asked:

Any fics where Jongin is like a playboy but has some control over kyungsoo? Like he won't allow kyungsoo to date anyone or something like that? I know this is typical ask but I really need new fics of this kind <3

SO actually this list was super hard. I don’t know a lot where Jongin won’t allow Kyungsoo to do things because usually in playboy stories Kyungsoo is a pushover and doesn’t date on his own, so I did what I could. Because I was unhappy with this list I added regular playboy Jongin that I haven’t recced yet at the bottom for fun. I hope they work…. also, you can find old playboy lists here and here

Somebody’s Heartbreak: Ongoing. Yea! This story is back and I am happy, even though it only kind of fits. But Jongin has all kinds of power over getting Kyungsoo to do whatever he wants until Kyungsoo gets fed up

Heteroflexible: Ongoing (kind of this) Jongin is a porn star who meets Kyungsoo when he is doing something reckless, and then they continue to see each other in an open setting

Migrane: Complete 3 chapters. They are friends with benefits and Jongin does whatever he wants but he doesn’t like it when Kyungsoo starts talking to someone else

Trust Me Your Heart: Complete 10 chapters. Jongin uses Kyungsoo to break up with people as his pretend boyfriend

Hiraeth: one shot. They are in a relationship but Jongin is famous and playing a lot with other people and Kyungsoo is over it

Try: Complete 2 chapters. Jongin doesn’t like relationships and doesn’t want to be with Kyungsoo, but doesn’t want anyone else to be either

Playing Into The Game: One shot. nonau. they are hooking up and then Jongin starts hooking up with someone else and still wants Kyungsoo to only be with him (not so much playboy)

What’s Hers is Mine: one shot. not playboy Jongin but he has a girlfriend and is sleeping with Kyungsoo (his best friend) on the side and is a little possessive over him

Regular Playboy Jongin Stories 

drown all the lovers: Ongoing. Everyone warns Kyungsoo about Jongin, but he doesn’t listen

Smells Like Teen Spirit: Complete 8 chapters. Kyungsoo gets paired up for a project with a very promiscuous Jongin, who flirts with him but Kyungsoo knows he is too unpopular to really have a chance (v. well written)

Dreamwalking: ongoing. they meet after a one night stand and Jongin is a model with a lot of problems and Kyungsoo starts helping him out

Running In Circles: one shot. Kyungsoo ends up sharing an apartment with player Jongin and has no patience for him

why i’m so excited for dru in twp: 

dru isn’t technically cassie’s first canonically fat character, but she’s definitely the first whose fatness is at the forefront of her characterisation. (maia’s ‘curves’ were so easily erased by both the showrunners and fans making edits  because her appearance / physical shape was never an obstacle for her, and in narrative terms, is p much glossed over – whereas it is made emphatically clear that dru has experienced a lot of abuse, objectification and marginalisation as a result of her body shape.) in a society where shadowhunters are, physically speaking, fairly homogenous (for both male and female body shapes, everyone seems to be a variation of athletic?), dru’s fatness must be strikingly noticeable. it seems to be highlighted by almost everyone she comes into contact with: those wanting to sexualise her, and those wanting to demean her. 

it’s so, so important that cassie is (finally!!!) portraying a fat shadowhunter who is able to do all the things regular shadowhunters do. we’re told that dru is just as physically capable as her brothers and sisters; just as nimble and strong, equally as skilled and accomplished. she is going to be at the CENTRE of these books and her storyline won’t be focused on how a) she needs to lose weight b) is pitied and ostracised (because of her weight) c) ultimately ends up unhappy (because of her weight). positive (female) body image representation for girls who identify anything other than “normal/slim” is so, so important, particularly considering cassie’s demographic. it’s also super important to me, as a fat person myself – and it will be to other readers too: i can identify so much with dru’s difference, the way she is othered, and her internal struggle with her body image. as a fandom, i think we’ve waited long enough for dru, but now that we have her, i am so, so glad and i can’t wait to see more of her. 

Help us bring back 1.05 default Sara

As I’m sure a lot of you guys know by now, I am super unhappy with the changes they made to Sara in the 1.05 patch. She did not need beautifying, and she definitely did not need all that makeup. I fell in love with her just the way she was, and now it just isn’t the same. So, @drsuviryder , me, and a few other people have been Tweeting the devs, asking for them to change her back. And you know what they’ve done? Completely and utterly ignored every single one of us.

We need your help, and we don’t have a lot of time. They won’t provide patches forever and we are thinking next patch will be bigger. If this matters at all to you, we need to act while we can.

Please join us in Tweeting devs @GambleMike and @tibermoon on Twitter to bring old default Sara back, to revert her back to 1.05 and prevent the further tweaking. We need a larger voice. My Twitter is @kadarakings and @drsuviryder is at @sararyder22

Let’s bring back the girl we fell in love with.

Been roughly a year since the start of The Smothering.

Here’s a run-down of what’s happened in the last year and where we are now.

So originally I wrote out the storyboard for the episode out on 7 huge pieces of A2 paper, laying them out on the floor of my small room.

I then took the super sketchy ideas on the page, blu-tacked them to the wall above my Laptop, and redrew them all digitally as roughs. I added backgrounds, changed poses, modified shots I was unhappy with and just generally refined the storyboard as I drew.

After completing the roughs I started on the Line art. This is the process of redrawing the rough crappy sketches into much prettier, more appealing, art.

Currently I am finishing off page 5 of the line art, meaning that I only have 2 more pages to go until all the art for the project is finished.

(This is ignoring the backgrounds of episode, none of which have been done, but I do have some thoughts on how to rush those)

The remaining pages will not take that long, considering the fact that my later roughs looks less like crude, messy  sketches, and more unpolished line art that I merely need to draw over. You’ll notice that when the episode finally is released that the my ability to draw the characters massively improves as I progressed with the project. Like a microcosm of season one.

I’m hoping to have all the assets for the episode completed mid February. Then all that would be left is the editing. Which I would thankfully not have to do.

Have a Merry Christmas SU folks. I hope you’ll all like the episode when it’s finished. 

A few days ago, I looked back over the last few months and I realized that due to a variety of things- I was starting to become super negative, not unhappy, just negative. Sometimes I’d get into these slumps where I’d just want to sit at home and not do a single thing. Something would happen and I’d be like “of COURSE THIS WOULD HAPPEN TO ME LIKE SERIOUSLY 🙄🙄🙄”.

After writing down and brainstorming my goals for not only the month of August, but for the rest of my life- I realized how lucky I am. I’m healthy, have not only one but two kick-ass jobs that have connected me with the coolest people and so many opportunities, I have an amazing boyfriend, a huge family (go Mama Nagel👏🏼) and the freedom to do WHATEVER I WANT.

I’m so young still and for me to accomplish all the things I want in life- I have to believe I can do anything and that ain’t going to happen being a negative Nancy on the couch chain-watching Suits all day (yaaa feeelll me?! 😏)

Starting today- I’m going to make it a goal of mine to get 20 minutes in of personal development daily. I’ve got a few kick-ass PD books laying around and I think it’s time to crack those babies open✌🏽

anonymous asked:

What do you think about the fans that are unhappy with the Gruvia conclusion? Some feel uncomfortable about the "sexism", like it's ok for guys to have scars but not girls? Even I personally as a Gruvia shipper don't understand why Gray has a problem with Juvia having a scar, even though I am super happy with them being officially canon now. :)

If we think about Gray’s character, the last thing one would call him is sexist. So, I believe people are reading into things in the wrong way. Gray failed to keep Juvia safe. She died for him. And he was traumatized by it. That scar is a constant reminder of that. Not to mention, it left a permanent mark on her. I think it hurts him to see how she was marred because of what he, in his opinion, couldn’t prevent. So, of course he’d rather her not have that scar.

Also, it’s not like the scene was a one-sided one about women shouldn’t have scars. Juvia spoke her piece, too, saying she didn’t mind it, and pointing out Gray’s own hypocrisy, because he, too, is covered in scars, including the one he got from dying for Juvia. And we saw no sign that Juvia is going to get rid of her scar just because Gray said so. It was merely a convo to remind us how big of a deal 499 was for the both of them because those scars are a representation of their mutual feelings.

4

The first two photos are from last year at almost my highest weight of 240 lbs. I was so unconfident and just super unhappy with the way I looked. Now, after about 3 months of keto/low carb eating, I have lost almost 45 lbs and am on my way to becoming a healthier, happier me 😊

HW/SW: 240 lbs
CW: 195 lbs
GW: 165 lbs
Height: 5'5"

Penney’s Guide to Characterization

Anyone who knows me or has been following my writing for a reasonable amount of time will know that there is honestly very little in the world that I love more than character development. I love stories and storytelling, but the characters are the part that sticks with the reader and makes the story come alive more so than many of the other aspects (short of the actual, physical words of the story). Because of this, I’m really passionate about creating and developing characters that come off as realistic, detailed, and interesting people. This starts with a very long and detailed process that I’m going to share with you now!

Before I move on, however, I’d like to touch on the definition of character development and how it differs from characterization. I promise this will be quick because I don’t want to bore you or myself with a long lecture, but the difference is important and should be acknowledged before we begin. I’ll even put it in some easy bullet points for you:

  • Characterization refers to the details of a character that defines the basic aspects of their identity.
  • Character refers to who they are as a person, as defined by the choices that they make throughout the story (specifically those that they make under any degree of pressure. The more pressure there is on a situation, the more the character’s choice says about them).
  • Character development is the marriage of these two aspects, taking the details established during characterization and using them to help the choices that define the person’s character make sense to the story and the reader.

This article will focus almost exclusively on characterization. As I mentioned before, my own process is a bit extensive and I am in no way suggesting that you have to do all of this to create a good character. The process in full has helped me immensely over the course of my writing and I hope it’ll help you as well, but feel free to pick through and choose what makes the most sense to you and your writing and just roll with that. The beautiful thing about being a writer is that you get to make the executive decision on what is and isn’t a good idea.

Now that I’ve gotten all that out of the way, here are my tips!

Keep reading

A VERY DESCRIPTIVE PROFILE OF YOUR MUSE.   repost with the information of your muse,  including headcanons,  etc.  if you fail to achieve some of the facts,  add some other of your own !

NAME.     sebastian augustus moran
AGE.     36
SPECIES.     human
GENDER.      male
ORIENTATION.   bisexual
INTERESTS.     guns, wine, cuisine, art, english literature, history, jazz, writing, military tactics, motorcycles
PROFESSION.  currently a professor of english and comparative literature at columbia university in nyc
BODY TYPE.    broad-shouldered, lean, solid
EYES.     blue
HAIR.     a medium brown shade, naturally wild and curly, occasionally slicked back for work
SKIN.     once deeply tanned in the army, now relatively pale, even-toned
FACE.     scruffy with a beard, strong jawline, straight nose
HEIGHT.     6′5″
COMPANIONS.     aside from ahsoka tano ( @kybersung ), who he has taken under his wing as the closest thing he has to a sister, sebastian is a solitary creature ( unless he’s got a significant other ). tends to exist alone.
ANTAGONISTS.     jim moriarty ( verse dependent ), any government agency keeping tabs on him, members of illicit, underground criminal organizations, occasionally at odds his father
COLORS.     blue, black, gold, and silver
FRUITS.         strawberries and bananas
DRINKS.     water, smoothies, coffee
ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES?    every type wine in existence
SMOKES?   used to, quit ( also afraid of fire so doesn’t keep a lighter )
DRUGS?   used to, quit
DRIVERS LICENSE?    yes

SNAGGED FROM.     @cryoconquer & @streetwar
TAGGING.     @kybersung, @brutlist, @ideolgue, @alghul, @jadejaw, @lacrimosienne, @gcroux

anonymous asked:

hi cee!!!! in the past few months it seems like uve gotten really popular (especially for ur art) and i was wondering how u developed ur/an art style? urs is super cute and ive been trying to develop one for like 3 years but havent been able to :+( anyways have a nice day!!!!!

aw thanks for being so sweet! ;_; ive felt so unhappy and dissatisfied with my art style for literal years up until like january this year so i know how you feel!! i am not an expert so take this with a grain of salt ahdhdhffhg ALSO sorry i if i sound pretentious but this is what ive learned over the years from others/from personal experience on developing a “style”

Keep reading

Basically a slightly modified RANT i made about @MARVEL as LEGNA on a fanfic(had literally nothing to do with the fic. Biggest tangent on a comment ever. but i did it, and i got to get it out of my chest, its been EATING at me for a while.)

My dumbass is starting to realize that 616 will only ever satisfy people with their stories on an Action level. Because, the thing is, these characters have being around a long time, and will be around for even longer. Because it is believed that the audience doesn’t wanna see their characters grow old, comics freeze them in time. This creates perpetually young characters with a bunch of action and shit going down, constantly, through a long period of time. Like, 40 years to the reader, equals, say, 10 years in the X-Men, for example. Add the fact, that the idea of writing a happy couple doesn’t appeal to writers, for the reason that the sole idea of keeping that up, for who knows how long, might bore the audience(completely debatable). The only couples that are allowed to be happy, these days, are the ones that might, in the real world, be given a harder time by our awful society simply for existing (Take Biracial Couples: jessica jones/luke cage, or Same Sex Couples: rictor/shatterstar). I reallyREALLYreally hate the ABSOLUTE FALSE idea that writing an established couple is the ruination of two great characters. (This implies that the most exciting thing that can happen to a couple is a dramatic rupture, almost as ridiculous as the idea that the very best thing that might happen to someone is being in a relationship). You can still write life partners, in an interesting, entertaining way, that stick together through thick and thin, regardless of how hard it gets(Mystique/Destiny, until Irene died). The way comic writers keep tearing people apart, for what almost appears to be a lazy try at the glorified “Gritty Realism”. ’S got me yawning at this point  ya’ll, tbh. We all have a pretty clear idea, how the X-Men would have been wrapped had it been meant to be a short story, or at least a story with a specific date of caducity. I am not ranting for the sake of Romy(ROGUExGAMBIT), because as much as I love the couple, that is neither here nor there. What annoys me is the fact that Rogue’s characterisation is a fucking tragedy (I’m using her, as an example, never mind the fact that most heroes act like goddamn teenagers in these books). No one who’s gone through the stuff she’s gone through, acts the way she does in the comics (the way she’s been written by certain authors). She’s literally the Token Angry Person. Know what I’d REALLY appreciate at this point? ACTUAL Gritty Realism. Not glamourised SuperBullshit. Give me Heroes in therapy. Give me Heroes with PTSD. Give me Heroes that switch sides(whether it’s for the better or as a mistake). Give me heroes that struggle with killing, and collateral. Give me Heroes that cash out in the pursuit of their own happiness. Give me Heroes with anti-climatic deaths. Heroes who struggle with addiction. Realistically positive things, even. Heroes who part relationships amicably. Give me Piotr Raputin AND Kitty effin’ Pryde, actually, compromising about their Personal Ideologies(They are both heroes who believe in the Greater Good. The only people who do not manage to compromise on these types of things, are those who care more about being right, than they do about their own happiness). Because, while I do believe, that a Superhero’s life would be HARD AS ALL HELL. Even more so as a couple, I also believe that surviving the amount of shit that they already HAVE together would create a very specific type of bond that isn’t addressed in 616!canon. Using Gambit and Rogue as an example: With that  whole SHITSHOW with Vargas under their belt among everything else… There is no way that a break up down the line would NOT have been cataclysmic, emotionally. To an extent that a civilian would never understand. That shared life experience is under NO circumstances on the same level as “Oh, we had even rented our wedding venue, and now we are perfect strangers” (which is totes what one would guess with the tepid, half-assed, pussyfooting BS we read about them now a days). This is: We have literally, in a relationship or otherwise, brought each other back from the dead and now we don’t talk anymore. I’m not touching the whole Antartica fiasco with a 10-foot-pole (they addressed it like, once.  Rogue absorbed Remy’s despair and desire to die, and I’m just here like… weak. WEAK. Like…….. Should’t we talk more about this??? Did she try to come back when his psyche faded??? Ugh. UGH.) Comics Rogue is super indecisive, right? She’s like I’ll follow u till the ends of the earth to save you from yourself, and 3 minutes later, She’s like: I need some space. I need some time. I need to be alone. Like ??????????????????  In their line of work where they could be dead tomorrow that makes no sense. The kind of perspective that sort of lifestyle grants you doesn’t fit the high school level coping mechanisms. Like, yeah. perhaps if you live under normal circumstances, with a 9-to-5 job thats like a thing. BUT THEY DO NOT??????????????? THEY LIVE UNDER THE MOST BATSHIT REALITY? Like if those were her legit emotional resources she would’ve offed herself years ago????? BUT LETS SAY IT IS A THING. Let’s say that she does have that impulse to push everyone who loves her away. Realistically, she’d done it like at first????? and then I don’t know, GROW UP? ???????????????????

and the worst WORST PART
Is that lazy writing has gotten her character to read as this petty, insufferable bitch that Gambit puts up with??????
LIKE WHAT
that was not what her character was meant to be

AND I CAN’T EVEN BE MAD AT PEOPLE WHO HATE HER CHARACTER, BECAUSE IF I DIDN’T LOVE HER NEAR AS MUCH I’D PROBABLY SKIM OVER HER CHARACTER TOO AND GET EXACTLY THAT AS THE GIST OF IT.
UGH DON’T TOUCH ME 

I AM SO ANGRY


AND TO CULMINATE THE RANT: I have no doubt in my mind that their relationship would have NEVER deteriorated to the point it is today, had writers not fallen into drama for the sake of it. To have her push him away, as if that should be the deciding factor of Remy Lebeau being or not an adventurer. She wants him=Relationship(boring). She doesn’t=He lives it up around the world. At this point. I swear. Even if a writer were like: Yeah, you know what? kiss and make up. In a minute, another would be like: OOC (TAKING INTO ACCOUNT SAID CHARACTER’S CURRENT DEVELOPMENT) SLEEZY AFFAIR ANYONE HMM?. Then, the next one, would make the other get kidnapped by aliens, and since it has no fixated ending it’ll just go on and on and on. Pulling them together and apart, for ~Shock Value~. 


ALSO:

I am FOREVER BITTER that we FINALLYfinally get a FUCKING happy FUNCTIONAL, NON-CODEPENDENT, STABLE relationship, between ‘RORO AND LOGAN and 3 seconds later it’s like NOPE HE’S DEAD. BUT WE STILL WANT LOGAN THO. JUST NOT AT PEACE WITH LIFE. SO TAKE THIS OTHER VERSION THAT IS SUPER UNHAPPY. YAY.

THEY LITERALLY WANTED THE CHARACTER BACK. JUST NOT THE HAPPINESS AND FUCKING WELL DESERVED REST.

WE WANT MAN-PAIN-FUELED LOGAN
YEAHNO
fuck you for always.


TL DR: Real Life does, absolutely, deal with break ups and estrangement, and personal tragedy, and a whole lot of really REALLY shitty BS. But if I, as a 23 year old woman from a third world country, know enough about psychology, and wellness, and mindfulness, to fucking AIM to acknowledge and rid myself of toxic behaviour, to be better and HAPPIER. I have no doubt in my mind NEW YORK HQd Heroes, that are as well traveled as they are. Know as much as they do about the world, have just a bit more of a grip on their Emotional Inteligence than the cast of Jersey Shore. just saying’.


Quite Frankly? Like how much better would comics be, if we didn’t just get the Ultron’s back for the 67th time story, or “X” is back from the dead trope. IMAGINE if they used a mix of mundane/extraordinary elements to create a story. Like, i don’t know. Bobby coming out of the closet, and doing something lame like speed dating, and hanging out with Kyle and Jean Paul, and Star and Ric, while he tries to save the world. Like, give me SOMETHING heartwarming before you dash my hopes and dreams. Comics would be so much better if instead of trying to be a full on escape from reality with their far fetched, and at this point, quite honestly, pointless and repetitive adventures, we saw heroes, simultaneously, struggle with mundane, human problems, that they, in the end, managed to rise above of. TALK ABOUT WIN-WIN. 

Needless to say. I don’t believe that heroes are PRE-REQUISITELY supposed to come with an element of tragedy, or misery, in order to be a legit hero(SIDE-EYEING THE HELL OUT OF YOU DC COMICS

There are positive forces that push people into heroics, I like to believe. I do not subscribe to the idea, that it is a superheroes’ dissatisfaction with other elements in their life, that push them to be devoted heroes.

anonymous asked:

I really admire your motivation for drawing. You draw so often and they always turn out soooo good. Wish i had that motivation too

Ahhhh that’s so nice of you to say, Anon! Thank you!!

And tbh I’m not always super motivated. There have been doodles I’ve made where I really had to pick myself up and trudge through… But drawing is fun and relaxing for me, and I tell myself not to give up even if I’m frustrated or unhappy with something.

That said, I have a whole bunch of semi-finished doodles that will never see the light of day. But still! Hahaha

Don’t give up! Everyone goes at their own pace :)

I am absolutely in awe of the Snyders in light of the news about their daughter. They lost a child and somehow found the strength and dedication to still do 3-months-worth of work on JL and the DCEU. They were struck by the most terrible blow that can happen in a family and a pair of parents and they put their own pain and their own well-being / healing (if one can ever heal from this) and they worked on the movie. I lost my mom when I was 8 and 17 years later I still struggle with it. If their pain is anything like mine (it’s probably much greater) then I am in awe of the fact that they are even still breathing. Still here.

At the same time my heart breaks for these two people. They seem kind and they put so much heart and love into what they do. Their work brings so much joy and it’s brought so many people together.

If a movie flops there can always be a remake. What Deborah and Zack lost - they can’t remake. They can’t make up for. My thoughts and my heart are with them. I hope that they find solace and I know that their daughter, whereever she is now, will be watching over them from a better place.

In light of this tragedy, the JL movie hardly matters. I am disgusted to hear and see people hating on the Snyders for it. It makes me think that these people have never experienced any loss in their lives. Or maybe they are that vile and selfish to think about their own gratification and satisfaction when two other people’s world has come undone.

I am not thrilled about having Whedon on board either - but here’s a newsflash - you can be super unhappy about having to deal with him AND STILL NOT BOTHER ZACK AND DEBORAH.

Hating on the Snyders is grounds for blocking on a regular day, but it’s tenfold more so now.

booksplanet  asked:

I feel like my days are too short to do anything more than study and homework. Any advice for how to change that?

Well … maybe they are. You didn’t say if you’re in high school or college, but particularly in high school, man they expect a lot from you. I have no idea how anyone thinks that putting that amount of work, pressure and sleep deprivation on people who are having a tough time just figuring out who they are is a good plan.

I can’t really help you with making days longer, but I will say this: there’s this meme that unless you get a 4.25 and found a charity and letter in 14 sports per semester and ace your SATs and get into that one school, your life will be shitty.

I am here to tell you that’s not true. I had a terrible GPA in high school because I was deeply unhappy in a number of ways. I did not get into any good schools, so I stayed in-state for a year. Then, I adapted to college very well and transferred to a school that I really loved. HEY LOYOLA NEW ORLEANS! It’s not a super-prestigious school in the Princeton Rankings sense, but it was the perfect place for me. I loved my professors and knew them all, and it got me perfectly ready for my grown-up life.

So, if nothing else, know that it’s not the end of the world if you get a B. Or even a C. This is not what makes a good or bad life.

Hello there!

Hi guys! My name is Levi and as of today, I have been added as a mod onto this blog. Firstly, can I just say how incredibly excited I am to be on board here and to learn the ropes of this blog. Anyway, I suppose I should let you all know a bit about myself now that I’m here!

I am 17 years old, my birthday is in February (I’m so excited to be 18!), I am trans (obviously) as well as I am gay. Uhhh I’m pretty much a huge nerd and love talking, I’m from Canada, and I am working towards being an actor!

A bit about my trans journey, since I know that if I was reading this, I would want to know: so, when I was five I knew that I wasn’t really wanting to be female, but I didn’t really have a name for it. When I was twelve I cut my hair and called myself Jake for a summer (it was super fun). Anyway, my dad hated it and so in order to make him proud, I forced myself to be super feminine and grew out my hair and did all the things that should make him happy. It worked until I was fifteen and became super unhappy with myself. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, andater gender dysphoria. I came out when I was sixteen, and my family has not been the most supportive; my sisters both love me and are completely on board, but due to religion, my mom, dad and brother have rejected me for the most part, claiming that who I am is digusting and wrong (their loss, I’m pretty awesome). That being said, I have finally come to terms with not letting their opinion stop me, and I have started taking LGBT counselling, as well as meeting with my new HRT clinic in order to start my transition. It has been a huge battle, and of course it’s not over, but I’m getting there and the positivity I have found on this blog has really pulled me through.

If any of you pals have any questions at all for me, I am more than happy to share and talk with you! Thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of this and I really hope I can make some of your days a little brighter!!!

i’m beginning to realize how subconsciously uncomfortable i am in my own body and also super envious of all the girls that’ve found self love being exactly the shape they are, because i’m still sitting here stressing over not being a perfect model body, and still trying to love myself despite that

Top row: super-bloated vs normal (approx. an hour apart)
Bottom row: shitty lighting vs nice lighting (approx. 2 mins apart)

Your body, and the reflections you see of it, are continuously changing. So it makes no sense to beat yourself up every time you’re unhappy with how you see yourself.

This is a lesson I am desperately struggling to teach myself as I battle with a lifetime of eating disorders, exercise addiction, & all manner of body image issues.

I am terrified of sharing these pictures that I am frankly immensely ashamed of with the Internet. But i hope that it may help me…Or even better; that it may help someone else.

False-Hearted - Optional Bias Scenario, Part I

i promise i’m not dead, i haven’t written anything since january, and even that was like one small drabble, so here
(this is missing some things bc i had to post it using my phone 🙃, so im sorry)

prompt: he’s everything you could ask for, and you’ve been with him for almost a year now, but that doesn’t compare to the three years he’s also been spending with her + poc reader

cw: cheating, suggestiveness


“Shh, you have to be quiet!” He muttered in a rush, pressing his large left hand against your lower back to guide you into the closet, he shot you a glance before turning around and closing the door.

You sigh as you hear the click of heels approaching the room.

Through the slits of the closet, you can see him fall back on the bed, rubbing his face in exhaustion.

Her high pitched voice pierces the calming silence in only a few seconds.

He greets her with a smile, letting her cling to his torso before pulling away, making an excuse about being sweaty from his busy schedule.

He looks through the blinds as speaks, obviously nervous as to what you’re doing behind the door.

“I just came to visit you for lunch, I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon, after the business trip, so you don’t have to wait on me.” She tugs on his sweater, “Let’s go eat downstairs.”

They leave almost silently, the little noise there was was just her rambling about her day.

Seconds after they’ve disappeared your phone vibrates.

Hold still for 30 mins

You exit the message without an answer.


True to his word, he opens the door even earlier than expected, muttering that he told her she should get there early to beat traffic.

He hates whenever she disrupts your time together because then he spends the next 30 minutes trying to make you happy again.

“I’m sorry,” He already starts.

You shrug, pushing past him to head downstairs.

He follows behind you, basically bumping into your heels.

You walk into the kitchen, searching for ingredients to make something to eat, and he slows down, sitting at the breakfast bar, arms crossed on the table.

“Maybe we should just stay as friends…” You start, fiddling with the cooking oil cap after you’ve started the gas fire on the stove top.

“Don’t start this.” He mumbles under his breath.

You turn to him, “It’s too difficult, I’m exhausted having to sneak around all the time, and I know you are, too.”

“Give me two more months? I promise, everything will be perfect in that time, just you and me,” He gets down from the stool and starts to slyly approach you.

He wrapped both arms around your waist, settling his chin on top of your curls.

You kept the same scowl on your face, trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach.

“You’ve been saying that for six months now.” You claw at his hands, he lets go, exhaling dramatically as he realizes now that you’re serious.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Break up with me or her.” You whisper.

“I can’t do either right now.”

You remain quiet as you cut the raw chicken, throwing garlic and cayenne pepper into the pot before putting the chicken in with it.

“After I make your lunch I gotta go home, I have an essay due for my chemistry professor.” You avoid eye contact, starting on the rice.

He pushes against you again, this time reaching for your hands and slipping his fingers through yours.

He presses his lips to your left ear before pushing your head to the side with his chin and resting it on your neck.

“She’s coming back tomorrow evening, can’t you be mad at me another day?” He nudges your cheek. “Aish, you’re a brat, you know that?”

You nod.

He turns you towards him, pushing you against the counter before taking you by your waist and lifting you onto it.

Both of his hands clutch onto the backs of your thighs as he looks at you.

“What?” You ask innocently.

He chuckles in a cute manner, pressing his lips to yours in a messy sequence of kisses.

He eases into kissing you deeper and now starts to pull you closer by your thighs.

You rest your head back as he starts down your neck, hands already moving to loosen your shirt.

He pulls it off with ease, moving his lips back up to your lips.

The phone vibrates loudly on the counter, causing you to jump and pull away from him.

You look to the side, rolling your eyes at the glance of her face on the screen.

“Hey,” He pulls on your chin, “Ignore it.”

You try to, letting him continue his butterfly kisses over your skin but you can’t help to feel your irritation heighten at each ring.


You wake up before he does, stretching your sore muscles out and trying to release yourself from his tight grip.

“Stop moving.” He grumbles from behind you, if you turned around you’d probably see the scowl on his angelic face.

“I’m sorry for being hard on you yesterday.” You mutter.

He seems to be asleep, but after a few minutes he tells you that it’s okay.

“I’m sorry I’m such an ass.” He says, “I should’ve broken up with her by now.”

“Maybe you love her.”

“Don’t go there.” He chuckles dryly.

“You’ve been dating for three years now…”

“Yeah.”

After a few more seconds of silence, you realize that’s as far as the conversation will go, so you turn towards him.

He’s already staring at you, blinking slowly because he has just woken up.

“You’re so pretty.”

You chuckle, poking at his cheek.

He fakes tiredness, which is proven when he flips himself up to straddle you, tilting your chin up with one of his fingers.

“Are you still sore?”

“Very.”

“Too bad.”


He hasn’t called you in almost a week now, you’ve messaged him a few times and they all go unanswered.

On the second week, you decide to pay a visit to his house, ringing the doorbell in confidence while rocking back and forth on your heels.

She answers the door.

“Ah, Jiyoung… how are you?” You awkwardly mutter.

She answers cheerfully, asking about yourself and then going on about how he has stepped out to go get groceries.

“Has he told you the news?”

“The news?”

The ugly grin on her face tells you something’s up and it’s proven when she thrusts her hand into your face, “We’re engaged!”

You almost faint in that instant.


Now the tables have turned.

He had been trying to get in touch with you for a month now, and you refused to answer.

You’ve spent nights trying to officially get over him, falling into beds of guys from high end clubs almost every week, but nothing seemed to get the feeling out of your head.

He was lying to you the entire time.

He was planning to marry her this entire time.

And he told you differently just so he could get what he wanted.

He’d shown up to your apartment many times, knocking for even hours without end, but you never answered and you knew he respected you enough to not persist.

That changed today when you were setting out to go meet your friend at a new club downtown, he was already halfway up the steps when you opened the door and you couldn’t be fast enough to go back inside and lock the door.

“I’ve been looking for you for a month now.”

“I don’t think your fiancée would appreciate it if you continued to speak to me.” You said as you pushed past him to get to your car.

He grabs onto your wrist, “I can explain if you let m-”

“I’m tired of giving you chances to explain things, I think maybe we should just not speak anymore, our relationship died when you decided you wanted to marry her.”
“I can’t do anything to stop it!” He shouts. “My mother made me.”

“You are in your mid 20s, I am sure as hell you can make your own decisions at this age!” You shout back.

“I’ve been going crazy without you around, look at me.” So you do.

He, obviously, looks terrible.

Skin drained of color, hair greasy, and eye bags super prominent.

“Everytime I’m with her I think about how much I’d rather be with you, it’s killing me to be so unhappy.”

“What am I supposed to do when you actually get married?” Tears begin to spring at your eyes.

“Be a good bride.”

Good one.

“I don’t have time for your sly pick up lines, right now, I’m serious.” You play with the hair on your shoulders. “Why do you refuse to break up with her and tell your family about me?”

He stays silent, looking down at the floor in uncertainty as his face begins to glow red.

“What is it? I can take it.”

“If I introduced you to my mother, she’d lose her head.”

“…And why’s that?” But you already knew the answer.

“…You look….different….”

You obviously did, your dark skin, wide eyes, plump lips and kinky hair made you stand out in Korea and you often felt it with the abnormal amount of staring you’d receive every time you went out in public.

You look down at the ground.

“So… you’re embarrassed of me.” You couldn’t stop the crybaby tears from falling down your puffed cheeks.

You didn’t feel like going to the club anymore.

You felt like going inside and buying a one-way ticket back home.

You march back up your stairs, fiddling with your keys to unlock the door.

“No, no, no- that’s not it-”

“You don’t need to sugar coat things for me, everyone would make fun of you for having a girl that looks like me so you decide to take the easy way out and marry the conventionally pretty girl while you string me along, makes sense.”

You’re surprised you are able to get so much out with how bad you want to cry right now.

You finally get the door open, but before you shut and lock it, you turn to him.

He’s obviously devastated, and terribly confused as you open your mouth.

“I don’t want you to contact me ever again,” You sigh. “Stop trying to speak, this is what you want anyways, now you won’t have to deal with the embarrassment anymore.”

With that you shut the door in his face and run up your stairs, ignoring the loud bangs on it that follow.
—-
wow that was dramatic, but anyways, yeah idk how long this will be just look out for the next chapters, so yeah

thanks for reading~