i am such a fail today

The Unarmored Knight

I want to believe that I have it, that I got it, that I have found and kept it again, the faith in myself. I thought that being away for quite some time may help finding what is missing. I thought that in order for me to move forward I must take two steps backward, like believing in the philosophy of in order for one to go west one must go east initially, to go north one must go south first. But that philosophy doesn’t apply to my case for now. Yep, I got it wrong. The missing piece is still undiscovered. 
I never expected that I can get knock down so easily by a single hit. Currently I am weak and vulnerable for failures. I still want to fight but I guess there’s no harm in quitting. Now I wonder after all these years of trying and failing what have I become? I was never born a fighter but experiences thought me how, my everyday life is a war and today I become defenseless. I want to become stronger but I forget how.

A Message From Afar

A Package was left on the doorstep of the farm in Pandaria. The small box was battered and stained, and showed obvious signs of being tampered with. Inside was a small gold sphere, smudged with strange fingerprints. A single button sat waiting on the top, and once pressed, the object’s simple purpose was revealed. 

A hologram of Azurick blinked into existence above the recorder.

“Darnath. Jackary.” There were dark pockets beneath the warlock’s eyes, and his shoulders were slumped forward slightly. “Word reached me today of Kil’jaeden’s defeat. And of the invasion of Argus…” His hands, clasped in front of him, fidgeted uncomfortably. “Rarely, do my instincts fail me. But I allowed fear, and the instinct of survival to overwhelm the rest of my senses. I should be there with you…fighting alongside you both…but instead, here I am.” He gestured around in aggravation at the unseen starship. “I thought…well. I suppose it doesn’t matter what I thought anymore. I thought wrong.” 

Azurick paused for a moment, chewing on the inside of his lip as the gears inside his head whirred and clicked. “We’re much too far away for our communications array to reach Azeroth anymore…much less the transporter. I plan to hand this off to the next Ethereal vessel we encounter. Hopefully, with enough gold, they’ll deliver it to you.”

“I’ve failed in my task to find us a safe home. And in doing so, I’ve managed to fail as a friend and a lover as well. All my time spent away, all my hopes…all turned out to be time wasted, it would seem. I couldn’t have imagined that the Legion could be beaten…and yet. It seems like that day grows closer and closer.” He gave a small shrug. “Or, so the whispers out here say.” The blood elf sighed quietly. “We’ve turned the ship around, but it will take significant time before we’re back in range to communicate. Even longer, before I can return home and see you both in the flesh. Pictures just aren’t the same…” He gave a soft, sad smile.

“I’m sorry. Sorry that I let my fear persuade me to leave your sides. Sorry that my obsessive work ethic kept me from regular communication. Sorry that I wasn’t there with you to face some of the strongest foes Azeroth has come up against. Sorry that I couldn’t be better. These travels have been beautiful…and eye-opening. But not nearly as beautiful as the two of you. I love you both so very much…and I count the days until I’m returned, properly, to your sides.”

The warlock gave a small bow. “Be safe, the both of you. And don’t forget to kick some ass for me.” The elf added with a familiar smirk. His image shimmered, and disappeared. 


@darnath

@jackarychaoti

hahaha @starshaping‘s defensive bombardment of prompts has begun lol lots of deamus and merthur for a change, loving it, cannot wait!

I am gonna be busy for a while, 21 prompts so far (not just from her, though she is certainly capable for that lol) and now that they get long, might take me a while haha

Let’s see if I can get some done today =) and let’s see if I can keep them under 1.5k, I’m giving up on a under 1k limit clearly I fail at that

I try to do them in order (aside from Emily and Anna bombarding me, I try to space those out haha), so that means 2x Spirk for @michaelssw0rd is up next =)

nervous, excited, let’s see if I can pull this off! I already know that the nsfw one will get ridiculously long, but the sfw one shouldn’t get too unruly! might even stay under 1k!! bet I just jinxed myself

After Spirk, it’s (in order of priority (sorry Anna haha) Nottbottom (nsfw), Otayuri (nsfw), Unspecified (sfw), and Nevile/Harry/Draco (nsfw) (so fucking excited to write them again). Though I might throw one of Anna’s Deamus (sfw) or Merthur (sfw or nsfw) prompts in there to change things up =)

*cracks knuckles* let’s do this!

Originally posted by gypsyastronaut

anonymous asked:

hi! i hope you don’t mind me dropping by to say this, but i just wanted to say that you’re blog always fills me with so much joy. having a bad day? i come here! which never fails to give me a laugh. i’m sorry aa, i hope that didn’t sound strange or anything.. but regardless- i hope you have a good day! you deserve it. ♡

i…..i am crying…. this is the sweetest thing I’ve read today holy shit, thank you so much!!! I’m really glad this blog can brings you joy, this is my only goal here tbh

Okay so like, last night I had this huge personal epiphany which when I think about it now is probably v obvious to a lot of people lol because I’ve heard it before. I’ve heard it a lot.

But I only truly realised it last night.

Life is a process. Everything is a work in progress and there’s nothing to be gained by looking in the mirror today and expecting yourself to be this perfect person or by worrying about you haven’t written that perfect story yet or by passing judgement on whether or not you’re successful.

Like, as a perfectionist, I realised that I do this quite a bit and without really realising it. I judge myself so often for not having met some kind of standard of perfection in my head. As if every day is some kind of exam that I am failing.

But no. Life is a process. Anything I couldn’t do today, I can attempt tomorrow and if i can’t do it tomorrow, there’s always the day after that.

I am a work in progress and that’s okay.

Basically.

Via GMB Akash

“I never told my children what was my job. I never wanted them to feel shame because of me. When my youngest daughter asked me what I did. I used to tell her hesitantly, I was a labourer. Before I went to home I used to take bathe in public toilet so they did not get any hint of the work I was doing. I wanted my daughters to send to school, to educate them. I wanted them to stand with dignity in front of people. I never wanted anyone look down at them like everyone looked down at me. People always humiliated me. I invested every penny of my earning for my daughters’ education. I never bought a new shirt, used the money instead for buying books for them. Respect, which is all I wanted them to earn for me. I was a cleaner. The day before the last date of my daughter’s college admission, I could not manage to get her admission fees. I could not work that day. I was sitting beside the rubbish, was trying hard to hide my tears. I was unable to work that day. All my coworkers were looking at me but no one came to speak. I was failed, heartbroken and I had no idea how to face my daughter who would ask me about the admission fees once I back to home. I am born poor. Nothing good can happen with a poor person that was my belief. After work all cleaners came to me, sat beside and asked if I considered them as brothers. Before I could answer they handed their one day income in my hand. When I was refusing everyone they confronted by saying, ‘We will starve today if needed but our daughter has to go to college.’ I cannot reply them. That day I did not take shower. That day I went to house like a cleaner. My daughter is going to finish her University very soon. Three of them do not let me to work anymore. She has a part time job and three of them do tuition. But often she took me to my working place. Feed all my coworkers along me. They will laugh and ask her why she feed them so often. My daughter told them, ‘All of you starve for me that day so I can become what I am today, pray for me that I can feed you all, every day.‘ Now a days I do not feel, I am a poor man. Whoever has such children, how he can be poor. ”

- Idris

today i’ve realized that the only thing holding me back from doing whatever the heck i want are my insecurities. i can’t pick my course for college because i feel like i am not good enough to actually become something. i want to be an architect but im afraid my drawing skills and designs will never be enough to sustain me in the future. i want to be a doctor but im scared of failing my subjects because im not actually that good in memorizing terms. i also want to be a lawyer but i feel like i have a weak heart and i will never win my cases in the future. i want to be so many things, i can be one of those things, heck i can be all of those things!!! but these thoughts are driving me crazy!!!!

Honestly, I don’t care if it sounds needy, I’m just tired of having failed relationships because of high expectations, I want to find another human being that accepts me exactly as I am from my “emotional mess” times to “completely wild nerd” times. A guy that literally doesn’t care if I did nothing today or if I got a weird obsession that would seem boring to other people, because he’s ok with being human. I just don’t wanna hide my true self from anyone anymore, if somebody wanna be with me they gotta accept me as I truly am, as a complete human being that is NOT f**king perfect okay ?
I just really wish for myself to find a guy that’s a best friend, someone I can laugh to tears with, someone I can cry in front of and be vulnerable without feeling ashamed, someone that I can trust and tell my secrets to, someone that understands me and loves me completely as I am and that I understand and love completely as he is, someone that looks at me with love and passion, someone I can be sweet and loving with, goofy and angry, colorful. But never hurt each other intentionally or mock the other. Never. We can tease each other and argue, but communication is key, and we have a special understanding of each other. That kind of relationship, the “I will never leave you ever” kind. The “I prefer to stand with you in a storm than be comfortable at home” kind of love. We advise each other and complement each other… we’re just two imperfect people, who know they are imperfect, but that accept each other as they exactly are and love each other unconditionally, wouldn’t change them for anything. We can be f**ked up but we wont mind, because we know that’s what part of being human is, but we respect the other and never cross our boundaries. We’re a couple who are total best friends in public, but always finds it endearing to hold each other’s hands. We are a couple that trusts each other and feels secure in the relationship. We are a couple that stands up for their partner through thick and thin and really wants to be together, one where we push each other to be the best they can be even if it makes one upset, we know we are worth it, a wise couple who can talk about everything and anything with no judgment, yet can both be like grandpa and grandma and stay in our pajamas, have a lazy day just watching tv shows and snuggling together while eating things the grandma one prepared, a couple who can go out on dates in casual clothes and not care about people’s opinion, who goes out for long walks in nature, who can be comfortably silent and still somehow understand what the other thinks, who can tell each other things they never told anyone else before and keep the secrets, communicates without judging the other and accepts the other’s opinion, a couple who doesn’t mind insecure and blue days and give enough love to make the other feel at home, a strong couple who stands through challenges bravely and laughs at the face of obstacles, a couple who stays up late at night to talk to each other about anything and everything, that loves each other truly, purely, unconditionally, acceptingly.
—  qt1112 

“Choose her everyday or leave her.

I spent 5 years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her.

I did want to be with this one. I really wanted to choose her. She was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. She could make my whole body laugh with her quick, dark wit and short-circuit my brain with her exotic beauty. Waking up every morning with her snuggled in my arms was my happy place. I loved her wildly.

Unfortunately, as happens with many young couples, our ignorance of how to do love well quickly created stressful challenges in our relationship. Before long, once my early morning blissful reverie gave way to the strained, immature ways of our everyday life together, I would often wonder if there was another woman out there who was easier to love, and who could love me better.

As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose her less and less. Every day, for five years, I chose her a little less.

I stayed with her. I just stopped choosing her. We both suffered.

Choosing her would have meant focusing every day on the gifts she was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: her laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so … much … more.

Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace – or even see – what was so wildly wonderful about her.

I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me. The more I focused on her worst, the more I saw of it, and the more I mirrored it back to her by offering my own worst behavior. Naturally, this only magnified the strain on our relationship … which still made me choose her even less.

Thus did our nasty death spiral play itself out over five years.

She fought hard to make me choose her. That’s a fool’s task.

You can’t make someone choose you even when they might love you.

To be fair, she didn’t fully choose me, either. The rage-fueled invective she often hurled at me was evidence enough of that.

I realize now, however, that she was often angry because she didn’t feel safe with me. She felt me not choosing her every day, in my words and my actions, and she was afraid I would abandon her.

Actually, I did abandon her.

By not fully choosing her every day for five years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about her, I deserted her.

Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left her alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of our intimate relationship.

I’ll never not choose another woman I love again.

It’s torture for everyone.

If you’re in relationship, I invite you to ask yourself this question: “Why am I choosing my partner today?”

If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.”

If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.

But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing your partner, and your relationship is rife with stress, let them go. Create the opening for another human being to show up and see them with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose them every day.

Your loved one deserves to be enthusiastically chosen. Every day.

You do, too.

Choose wisely.”

- Bryan Reeves

watch me (m)

genre ― smut + a bit of fluff at the end, fuckboy!au

pairing ― jungkook | reader | taehyung

synopsis ― Dodging Jungkook’s annoying horny texts was easy but what happens when another boy accidentally joins in on the fun?

words ― 7,633

note : I meshed Play & Play 2.0 together and added a few things. Before I get asked, yes there will another part to this.


Your ringtone kept blasting in your ear as you tried to sleep before a big presentation. You groaned, cursing yourself for not turning off the volume as you reached for the glowing device knowing exactly who it was. You denied the call thinking,”Why is he so fucking desperate?” You began closing your eyes again until a loud ding woke you up again.

JK (1:57 AM): Why didn’t you answer babe? I want to talk to you :(

You rolled your eyes and turned off your phone, getting back to your much needed sleep.

It was almost a routine with Jungkook, calling you at 2 in the morning expecting you to be down for some sexting. That boy didn’t know when to quit and you should have already blocked his number considering he’s been like this for 4 months straight. But you’ll be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t like the attention he was giving you.

Not that you were the only girl, of course, because being the all-star soccer player he had half the school population begging for him. Hell not just him but the rest of the soccer team and you weren’t one to judge because your eyes would wander over to their table every once in awhile just like the rest of them.

Keep reading

37 Mistakes I Made As A New Tarot Reader

I’d be lying if I said that I woke up one day and just knew all that there was to know about Tarot. During my journey as a new Tarot reader, I made a lot of “mistakes” and some fails. I’m putting mistakes in quotation marks because if it weren’t for these things I probably wouldn’t be the Tarot reader that I am today. I like to think that each one of these “mistakes” helped me gain a better insight into the type of reader I am. Along the way, I learned that my journey is mine and mine alone and no matter how authoritative the source of advice provided by someone else, I must ultimately do what feels right to me. I am not a perfect Tarot reader or learner by any means, and I believe this post shows a clear example of that.

Following The Rules

In the beginning, I read so many books and talked to many different readers who each had their own idea of the “right way” to read Tarot. I also had a huge fear that I was somehow using my deck the wrong way. I wish I would have known that there is no right or wrong way to read Tarot. What may work for one person may not work for the other and vice versa. I think that the amazing thing about divination is that each reader brings a little special part of themselves and their unique flavor to Tarot and that is incredible. I wish I would have been a more informed learner and allowed myself to form my own opinions instead of trying to follow someone else’s. No two readers are ever alike and they do not need to be either.

Meaning And Memorization Overload

I tried to learn and memorize all the Tarot card meanings overnight. While this may help some readers learn, I was not one of them. I quickly became frustrated and discouraged and it made learning Tarot into a chore. I set unrealistic goals for myself and I had such a difficult few months. I wish I would have taken my time to enjoy the experience of bonding with my cards and allowing the process of learning Tarot to develop and grow with me organically instead of trying to force it.

Lack Of Learning Plan

As I mentioned above, trying to memorize all the cards didn’t work for me. I was all over the place with my Tarot learning. I had several books all with competing ideas. Now when I go forward to learn a new aspect of Tarot I have a learning plan. It is something I wish I had done when I first started my Tarot journey as it would have kept me organized and left me with the ability to track my progress.

The Self Doubt Monster

I started off my Tarot journey excited and open to the possibility of growing as a person and learning about my life. As I mentioned above, I started feeling like I wasn’t good enough or that I would never truly grasp learning the cards. I had a lot of self-doubts and it led me to be depressed because Tarot was my first outlet of expression for me and I felt like I was bad at it. I wish I would have known that learning anything, especially Tarot takes time. I now know that my learning with Tarot will be a life long experience and I am okay with taking it one step at a time.

Do The Shuffle

One of my Tarot mentors told me that I had to shuffle my deck overhand four times, riffle shuffle three and cut the deck with my left hand three times so that my deck could be fully charged before a reading. It never really resonated with me but I still did it because I was told that was the way to do it. I wish I would have shuffled however and how many times I felt energetically pulled to do so. I now just riffle shuffle until I feel called to stop. Nothing fancy but it works.

Bonding

I never really resonated with sleeping with my Tarot deck but it seemed like that was what I was constantly being told to do when I started learning Tarot. I did it for a few night and felt like a failure because it just didn’t feel right. I wish I would have known that I could just talk to my deck, write poetry with it and even read for some of my favorite book characters as a way to bond with it. I wish I would have known that bonding is a personal practice and there is no one size fits all.

My Inner Skeptic

My uncles are very religious and when I started reading Tarot they made lots of negative comments that I was stupid for believing in a deck of cards. This negatively affected how I saw divination for a few months and led me to be skeptical of my findings no matter how helpful they were. I wish I would have kept an equal level of skepticism and belief when learning Tarot before others tried to discredit them.

Rituals And Sacred Spaces Oh My

I thought that in order to give the best possible readings to myself or to someone else I needed to perform an elaborate ritual before the reading started and after the reading ended. I also thought I needed a beautifully adorned space with lots of crystals, incense, and candles. It’s funny because I now read in places like coffee shops and bars and I do not really incorporate any set rituals into my practice because I don’t feel like I need to. I wish I would have just focused on the basics and then experimented with creating my own rituals if I felt called to do so instead of feeling like I needed to.

Readings On Repeat

Something that I would do early on was read for a single situation over and over again. I wanted to know all aspect of that particular subject but by pulling various cards. By doing that, the information either didn’t make sense anymore or it became extremely watered down. I wish I would have taken the time to read about one situation straight through and then come back at a later date and ask again if I still wanted more information.

Emotional Readings

I was told early on that I shouldn’t read Tarot when I was sad or depressed. One day I did just that and it helped me more than I knew it would. I wish I would have started to use Tarot more when I had a depression episode to help calm me down and aid me in my healing journey rather than putting my cards away when I needed them the most.

Fancy Schmancy Tools

I thought I needed a fancy silk scarf to wrap my cards in, an elaborate wooden box and expensive incense to purify my cards. Looking back now I want to slap myself. I wish I would have known that those things are all unnecessary in my practice and are just extras not must have’s. I now keep my decks in their original boxes or pencil cases which are both functional and cost effective.

Tarot System Overload

I thought that in order to be a true Tarot reader, whatever that means, I had to learn all the different systems. Imagine me, not fully able to comprehend one deck yet still trying to learn Thoth, Marseille, and Rider Waite Smith all at the same time. Needless to say, it was a disaster. Although I would have still explored the different systems, I would have chosen one to start with exclusively and get to know well before delving deep into another. This would have helped me to achieve a better handle on my Tarot learning.

Mirroring Other Readings

I really looked up to the way my mother and grandmothers read cards that I wanted to mirror how they read. I felt by doing so, I was honoring our family traditions. I quickly found that their style just wasn’t for me. I wish I would have just trusted that my own way of reading Tarot would develop over time instead of trying to mirror theirs.

The Waiting Game

Something that I think held me back was my decision to wait before reading for other people that weren’t my immediate family and friends. I had this mindset that I needed to be studying Tarot for so many years or be a resident reader at a metaphysical shop to be able to read Tarot for other people. I wish I would have allowed myself to take the chance earlier and start reading for strangers. I think this would have helped me become more comfortable in my reading ability and also provide me with the feedback I needed to become better. When I did finally take that plunge and start reading for others, it became the best decision I could have possibly made.

Tarot Certification

When I started learning Tarot, a few of my mentors and people I looked up to talked about Tarot certifications and that every reader should aspire to be “Tarot certified” whatever that meant. I wanted to become certified not because I wanted to learn but because I felt it was what everyone else was doing. I thought having a shiny certificate with my name on it was fancy and somehow would prove that I was an amazing Tarot reader. Looking back now, I am glad I never went through with a certification. It isn’t that I do not think it is valuable because for some readers it may very well be but for me personally it never resonated with me and me wanting it back then was for all the wrong reasons. I wish I would have known that I could still be a great Tarot reader with or without a certificate.

Oracle Deck Allowance

At the beginning of my Tarot journey, I never gave myself a chance to use Oracle cards. I think using oracle cards alongside Tarot readings adds such a fabulous new dimension and layer to an already insightful message. If I could go back, I would give myself permission to enjoy oracle cards as well.

Defining Myself

When I started my Tarot journey I allowed other people’s opinions and judgments to define me as a reader and how I viewed and utilized my Tarot cards. For some reason, I wanted other Tarot readers approval but that wasn’t me at all. I wish that I would have silenced all those things and just remained authentic to myself. The many opinions others had of me influenced how I read the cards and that is something I still am actively letting go of today.

Burning Out

When I started out with Tarot, I tried to learn as much as I could. I did Tarot reading after reading for myself and even offered some practice readings on free forums. Long story short, I ended up burning myself out. I wish I would have given myself the time to take a break from Tarot and allow my mind to process the information instead of tiring myself out.

The Comparison Game

When starting on my Tarot journey, I used to compare myself to other Tarot readers. Comparing yourself to other people is never a good feeling and I wish I could go back and focus on the skills and good qualities that I had as a reader instead of those that others had, that I lacked.

Being A Solo Reader

At the beginning of my Tarot journey, I didn’t really have a lot of friends. This wasn’t by choice as there weren’t lots of local metaphysical shops as there are now but I wish I tried harder to find people who were of a like mind. I connected with a lot of my Tarot peers through online forums like tarotforum.net and it helped me shape who I was as a reader. I didn’t stick with it though and continued most of my study solo.  The accessibility of social media that we have today is something that I do not take for granted because back then, connecting with other Tarot readers was so difficult, especially if you were a beginner.

Those Darn Book Meanings

When I would start reading for myself with the cards I heavily relied on the book meanings. I would go through either the little white book or one of my many Tarot books I had from the library and try to decipher the message. I wish I would have learned to trust my own intuition and create my own meanings of the cards.

Fear Of Being Wrong

When I first started reading for others I had this huge anxiety of steering people in the wrong direction when using the cards. I wish I would have been honest with myself and my reading style and instead of trying to focus on concrete predictions, I would have made the client feel empowered and provided choices and avenues they could consider so that they could ultimately make the choices instead of me trying to make the choices for them.

Meaning Fluidity

When I started learning the meanings of the cards I was rigid in how I interpreted them. I thought The Fool always meant new beginnings and Death was a drastic change no matter where it was in a Tarot spread. I wish I would have known that each Tarot card has a myriad of meanings and that one card can mean something completely different in the context of one reading versus another.  

Recording My First Readings

When I started out in my Tarot journey I did lots of readings for myself, my favorite book and television characters. I wish I would have written down or recorded my first readings so that I could now be able to see how much I have grown as a reader.

All Work, No Play

I took my Tarot study very seriously that I never allowed myself any time to just enjoy the process. I wish I would have given myself permission to experiment, have fun and be silly with my cards as I am now.

The Celtic Cross

I know, I know. There are some readers who swear by the Celtic cross as a great beginner Tarot spread. I, however, am not one of them. The Celtic cross was so intimidating to me when I first started out. There are ten spread positions and as a beginner, I felt like that was the only true spread I could use. I wish I would have stuck with pulling one to three cards to become more comfortable with reading before I jumped into a large spread like the Celtic Cross.

Cleansing The Deck

As a beginner Tarot reader, I thought I needed to cleanse my deck every time I gave someone else a reading because it is what so many other people told me was the “right” thing to do. I don’t ever cleanse my decks anymore. I mean okay that is a lie… I’ve cleansed one deck, in the last year because that deck was being a total buttface but other than that I don’t feel like I need to. I wish I would have known that how many times I cleansed my deck was personal to me and doing so should be my choice and how I felt instead of following other people and their way of doing things.

Living The Daily Tarot Life

After I consumed myself with Tarot for the first year I put it away and I quickly forgot everything I learned. I wish I would have incorporated Tarot into my daily life like I do now. Something as easy as pulling a card of the day for myself would have helped me still keep Tarot in the forefront without taking lots of time and energy.

Wrong First Deck

I felt like I had to read with the Rider Waite Smith, Thoth or Marseille because that is what the majority of what other readers were using. I wish I would have allowed myself the permission to choose my own deck based on what I liked and what felt right instead of succumbing to what I felt I needed to start with.

Those Darn Scary Cards

I admit, when I started learning Tarot I dreaded pulling the Death card, the Tower or even The Devil cards. They scared the crap out of me. I wish I would have known that each card within the Tarot has both a shadow and illuminated aspect and that there aren’t inherently “bad” cards within the deck. Knowing this early on would have helped me see that there can be empowerment in the tower and sadness in the sun card.

Reading Boundaries

One of the biggest mistakes I made when starting reading for others was to not set clear boundaries of the types of readings I was comfortable doing and the ones I wanted to stay clear from. I learned quickly to be upfront with anyone who wanted a reading from me about what type of reader I was, what type of questions I do not answer and what my ethics were. During my first year of reading for others, I did a lot of free practice readings. I made it a habit to let those know that I was still learning and that the reading provided was to help me grow as a reader while giving them insight but for them to take it with a grain of salt.

Fear Of Success

Once I was comfortable using Tarot to help myself and others, I began to somehow fear and sometimes even sabotaged my own successes. I doubted if what I was doing was even real and if I was indeed helping others, despite the glowing reviews and acknowledgments from others. I wish that I would have taken the time to sit with myself and understand my feelings of success and why it scared me so much.

Saying No No No

Once I started opening up to read for other people, my close friends and family members started asking for readings on an everyday basis. It got to the point that people only wanted to hang out with me so that I could read their cards. I wish I would have been firm and said no to my family and friends who abused my kindness and generosity while I was still learning.

Feedback And Criticism

I wish I would have known the difference between someone bullying me and giving constructive criticism. While I did face times where people discouraged, bullied and belittle me, I wish I would have taken the advice from those who provided constructive criticism and genuinely wanted to better me as a reader instead of seeing it as a personal attack.

Life Answers

During my first few tries with Tarot, I thought the cards held all the answers to my problems and would be able to tell me what to do with complete clarity. I learned rather quickly that Tarot was a guide and it was my choices and the commitment to those choices that made up my life. I wish I would have known to not rely on Tarot as an all-knowing oracle and instead use it as a tool for guidance in regards to me making my own decisions within my life.  

Using The Wrong Spread

When I wanted to expand my Tarot arsenal, I tried many different Tarot spreads. Because of the sheer amount of spreads I used to read for myself, it proved very difficult in keeping track of what Tarot spreads worked for me and what didn’t.  I wish I would have tested out spreads more thoroughly before using them to give myself readings instead of just assuming that it was going to answer my question perfectly. I also wish that I was selective in what spreads I used for certain question and had the courage to tweak them to fit my specific situation. I learned quickly that there are some spreads created for one specific purpose that may not necessarily work for another purpose and can give confusing results.

Wrong Questions

Throughout my early years of Tarot, I would sometimes dance around the issue I wanted to know about when performing a reading for myself. In the same respect, I would often ask questions that were disempowering to me and lead to me feeling anxiety with the question I was seeking insight for. I wish I would have taken the time to really focus my questions before starting a reading. I now know the importance of doing a reading that empowers and uplifts instead of leaving me to feel hopeless and defeated no matter what the answer is.


Post Notes:
Please do not remove the captions.
Title: Thirty-Seven Mistakes I Made As A New Tarot Reader
Copyright:  © Ivan Ambrose 2017
Disclaimer: I use the term mistake very loosely in this post as I am a firm believer that each one of my mistakes has helped shape me into the reader that I am today. What I may consider a mistake in my practice and as a Tarot reader may be something that is totally acceptable in your practice. Just because I viewed something as a mistake in my personal practice does not mean that that particular topic should not hold or cannot hold a place of validity and acceptance in yours. The premise of this post is to showcase some of the mistakes I believed I have made as a new Tarot reader. This may be different from your own and that is okay. This post in no way, shape, or form is intended to tell you how you must go about being a new Tarot reader but as a reflection of myself as someone who was once a new Tarot reader. The intention of this post is to share my experiences and my growth as a Tarot reader.  I encourage and open up this conversation to respectful debate and added commentary to supplement this post of any kind.
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2

[3/100] Finding new places to study in my university never fails to amuse me. Today, I found a beautiful study spot in a building I pass by almost everyday. If you’re like me, you get bored of studying in the same spot and always in dire need of finding a more aesthetic place. I am currently making Anatomy notes for my test next week. Study hard, everyone - just do it. 

8:52pm (Artemis)

Do you ever wonder about souls? Surely we too have them. How corrupt they must be, twisted and torn, riddled in pride and dishonesty. Unsent: We do have them. I feel mine, and how it’s twisted and bent into something unrecognizable

9:00pm (Apollo)

You think too much.


2:37 am (Artemis)

I passed someone today; his eyes looked like the moon in shades of blue. Unsent: It made me think of mistakes, and how mistakes become scars. I’d like one, maybe two cut, across my chest. It might help me separate what is real and what is not

2:43 am (Apollo)

I saw a girl who looked like Cassandra. I wished her dead and that she would remember me all in one breath.

2:45 am (Artemis)

I know. Me too.


4:05 am (Artemis)

Do you still fight the future?

2 seconds later (Apollo)

Every day. Every night. With every breath I have. Unsent: Because it terrifies me. The darkness. The death. We will be all that’s left, and we won’t be able to start over again.

4:06 am (Artemis)

I fight the past. Every expectation I failed to meet. Every decision I ever made in vain. All the vows I gave too easily. Youth. Youth makes gods foolish.

4:07 am (Apollo)

Unsent: I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the part I played


10:59 pm (Artemis)

I wished it would end. I wanted the world to burn and to watch it out of spite. Unsent: Then I wanted to save it, quench the fire with the ocean. I wanted to prove I still could.

11:00 pm (Apollo)

I saw it.

11:01 pm (Apollo)

I had a vision today of a world that didn’t burn in fire. I had a vision of a world where we were happy.

5 seconds later (Artemis)

Do we even deserve it?

2 seconds after that (Apollo)

No. But it was nice. It was nice to have hope.

Excerpt from In the Light of the Stars - L.H.Z

anonymous asked:

do you have any fluffy peter & tony headcanons or anything tbh because im having a horrible day and im so anxious i feel like im gonna explode

(Okay I told myself I was gonna take a break from writing today but u know what. U deserve Good Tony and Peter Writing so,,,,I’m gonna do my best with that. Hope u feel better soon my friend, and I hope this helps in some way x)



His hands were shaking against the prompt cards he held in an iron-clad grip.


It was stupid, really. Ridiculous. He’d battled monsters and stopped bombs and yet here he was, getting worked up over a damn science presentation.

And there wasn’t even any reason why. He was good at science. Brilliant, if he did say so himself. And the whole school was full of science nerds like him, so it wasn’t as if he was going to get laughed off stage, either.


So why the damn hell did he feel so…awful?


Pull yourself together, Spiderman, he told himself, shaking his head a little and peaking out from behind the wings to watch the speech that was currently being given by another of his classmates. It was a mandatory thing in order for everyone to get a grade. Each of them had to present an idea or a theory to the rest of their year and put points that were for and against it. At the end, other kids asked questions, drilled you, probably started giggling and whispering if you couldn’t answer one of their godawful comments-

Ugh. He felt vaguely sick.


He’d been on edge the whole day just thinking about it. There were, what, a hundred faces, maybe more, in the audience? Including Flash, who was sat at the back, just waiting for Peter to slip up so he could laugh loudly or boo or something.

He could barely even think straight. His mind was all fuzzy and his palms were too sweaty. It felt like his lungs weren’t working properly anymore.

This sucked.


“Hey kid,”


Peter jerked wildly as someone stepped up to his shoulder. God, he’d been so out of it he hadn’t even heard them, what the hell was wrong with him-

“I- uh, hi Mr-” he turned, looking over and expecting to see a teacher. 

“Tony?” he said incredulously, as his brain registered the tinted yellow glasses and carefully sculpted van dyke.

“The one and only,” Tony replied absently, as he peered out through the wings and looked at the boy onstage, “you next?” He asked.

“I…what-you-how?” Peter spluttered, “what are you doing here?”

Tony looked at him, before shrugging. If Peter wasn’t mistaken, he almost looked sheepish. “You mentioned this thing, uh, a few days ago in the labs? I didn’t have anything on, so I though I’d come, show a bit of moral support, you know the drill,” he muttered. “How you feeling? You ready? Nervous?”

Peter opened his mouth, but the assurance failed to come out. He was a notoriously bad liar, after all.
Plus, his vocal cords didn’t really seem to be working very well right now. Which, considering what he was about to go up and do, was Very Very Bad.

Tony looked him up and down, noting the quivering hands, slightly green face and general expression of terror before sighing and pulling the sunglasses off his nose in order to place them on the bridge of Peter’s. “Okay, Peter, today you are not Peter. Today, you are me, and I am about to give a heart-raising, mind-blowing, showstopping speech on…” he peered down, reading the top of Peter’s card, “effective and innovative designs to contribute toward a greener society,” 

Peter just nodded, looking up at Tony through the yellow lenses.

“First thing,” Tony began, raising a hand and wandering backward, before gesturing around the place, “you gotta own the room, kid. Movement is important. Hands, feet, eyes- don’t just stand there like a lemon and read off the prompts. You wanna get a good grade? You engage the audience,” he stepped forward, pointing at Peter’s eye, and then his own, “eye contact. Always do the eye contact. Kinda terrifying, admittedly, but you only need to do it for a second. You’re not gonna stare em down like they’re trying to rob a bank here, okay, you’re just catching their eye. Showing them you’re focused, like you’re talking to them specifically. Keep moving around, look at everyone.”

He stopped. Grabbed Peter’s shoulder. “So, Mr Stark, how do you begin your speech?”

Peter stopped, caught off guard like a rabbit in the headlights. “Uhhhhh-”

“Okay, well for starters, I definitely don’t do that,” Tony shook his head, pushing the glasses a little further up Peter’s nose as they began to slip down. “You wanna begin with something simple. Casual. This isn’t a funeral service. You’re just putting an idea across. ‘hello everybody’ will suffice. I’d say open with a joke, but I don’t think you’re ready for that yet.”

Peter had to agree on that one. He took another look over to the side, and noticed the boy was beginning to wrap up. 

Oh, hell. He was next.

Tony noticed, too, and he let his other hand rest on Peter’s shoulder as well, so that he was gripping Peter between both hands. “Listen, kid. Stick to the basics. Eye contact. Movement. Keep it light, and don’t focus too hard on individuals. It’ll only freak you out. You’re gonna do great, kid. Honestly, you’re definitely the smartest one out there, you got nothing to worry about.”

“People are gonna laugh,” Peter muttered, looking down at his feet. God, Flash- Flash was gonna be a total ass, he could predict it perfectly. Peter would pause, just for a moment, and Flash would do something stupid like laugh or make a stupid noise and then it would throw Peter off-

“No-one’s gonna laugh, Kid,” Tony said, before his eyes narrowed. “Unless there’s someone who’s planning on ruining it for you. Is there?”

“I dunno, Flash said some stuff earlier, but… I dunno,” Peter mumbled, biting his lip. He wished he’d been ill today. Or HYDRA had decided to attack a Macy’s or something. At least that would have been a genuine excuse.

“Flash, huh?” Tony mused quietly, peering out into the audience, “greasy looking pussy at the back, right?”

Peter laughed nervously, nodding. “Uh, yeah, that’s the one.”

Tony pulled a face, and then nodded to himself. “Okay. Okay, cool. Well listen, I’ll make sure Flash isn’t a problem, alright? Don’t worry about him.”


A sudden wave of applause filled the auditorium, and signalled Peter’s turn up. 

“Big breath. Come on, you’ll kick ass. You’re Spiderman. Or you can be me, just for a few minutes, if that’ll make it easier,” Tony assured him, patting his cheek  and smiling.


“-And now, it is my great pleasure to present to you, Peter Parker!” The Principal announced, and another round of applause burst out.

Okay. Showtime.


“Wait, kid, sunglasses!” Tony caught him before he could move, sliding them back off his face with a grin, “they’re a tad too big for you. Don’t want them sliding off whilst you’re deep in the middle of solving the world’s energy crisis.”

Peter huffed out a nervous laugh, and then did as Tony said, taking a long, deep breath before turning away and walking slowly toward the main stage.


He could do this. Tony did it all the time. He could be Tony, just for five and a half minutes, right? Tony had said he could.


His hands were still shaking a little as he stepped in front of everyone, but he felt a little braver. A little prouder. Maybe even confident.


At the back of the hall, he watched Tony slip in through the doors, more inconspicuous than Peter had ever seen him as he wandered toward the back row and grabbed a chair, leaning over the back of it and whispering something into-

Peter sighed, unable to hold back the little grin of satisfaction as Flash’s head turned to look up at him, eyes widening in a hilarious fashion as he realised, yet again, he was being told off by Tony Stark.

It was even more amusing to watch the colour drain from his face as Tony continued to whisper in his ear. He watched as Flash nodded a little jerkily, and then Tony smiled, before stepping back and leaning against the back wall, right in the middle where Peter could see him.


He grinned up when Peter made eye contact, and Peter smiled back.


He could do this.




“You did it!” 


Peter turned, smile on his face as he watched Tony jog up toward him, hands raised in a thumbs-up as he grinned over. Luckily, the presentation had been at the last period, and so Peter was free to get the fuck out and finally relax for the first time that day.

“Yeah- I think it went…well,” Peter admitted happily.

 Tony pulled a face, letting his arm fall across Peter’s shoulders and squeeze. “Uhm, you did more than ‘well’, kid- you totally blew everyone else out of the water.”

“You didn’t even see everyone else, Tony.”

He felt the shrugging gesture Tony made beside him. “I’m gonna go ahead and assume here, kid. You were great. Very Tony Stark-ish. Except with less narcissism and more genuine-ness, y’know? Never would’ve guessed you were nervous.”

Peter grimaced. “I thought I was gonna throw up the entire time.”

“Well then, you are a remarkable actor, Mr Parker,” Tony told him, “hey, how about doing my speech for me this weekend at the charity gala I am being forcibly blackmailed into attending? I have a busy schedule of sleeping and eating and I don’t want it disturbed.”

Peter laughed, giving Tony a shove, “thanks, but if it’s all the same with you, I’m never going to give a speech ever again. That was crazy. Everyone stares at you. What the hell?”

“Yeah, when you’re the only person talking in a huge auditorium, people tend to do that,” Tony huffed, shaking his head, “so damn rude of them.”

“It really is,” Peter agreed, hiking his bag up a little further on to his shoulder before turning to tony, a grin beginning to form on his face. “Hey- what did you tell Flash, by the way?”

Tony tapped his nose secretively. “None of your business.”

“Aw, come on, I see him most, it’s more my business than yours.”

“Hey, maybe I just like him. Maybe I was having a catch up, Peter, huh? You’re not special, I might be secretly mentoring him, too.”

Peter rolled his eyes, shoving Tony playfully and then grabbing his arm before he went careering to the floor. “Whoops- superstrength.”

“That was a threat, wasn’t it? I feel threatened. Again. Physical threats, this time, too- it’s getting worse-”

“Tony,” Peter whined frustratedly, “please tell me.”

Tony stopped, hand half-way to reaching his car door before turning to look back at Peter. “I told him if he made a single sound, I’d hack the school system and turn all his A* into C’s,” he admitted, before adding “is that bad? I don’t know- I tend to threaten both adults and kids alike, what can I say, I’m all about equality,” 

Peter watched, smile on his face as Tony jumped into his car and pulled his shades back on. “You did good, kid. I’ll see you ‘round,” he said, shooting Peter another thumbs up before revving the engine and pulling out of the car park.

Peter watched, shaking his head fondly. He felt kinda exhausted- the day had been stressful as fuck, and it had taken it out of him. But hey- at least it was over. And at least it hadn’t turned into a full-blown panic attack, either. That would’ve just been embarrassing.

“Thanks, Tony,” Peter muttered, waving cheerily over at a still rather horrified looking Flash from across the road before beginning to make his way down the drive.



“Wait. You got a lift?”


Peter turned, watching as Tony reversed back to him and raised an eyebrow at him curiously from the open window.

“Sorry, I don’t get in cars with strangers,” Peter deadpanned, beginning to walk forward again, hiding a fond grin as Tony just rolled forward and followed him.

“Uhh,” Tony made a face, turning around and shuffling in his car for a second before pulling out something. It was a bag of kisses, a few of them already eaten, with the wrappers thrown back in the bag. “I got candy?”

Peter broke his deadpan stare a second later, in order to laugh. Tony was a fucking idiot, honestly. “Right, okay, I’ve been convinced,” he declared, before sliding over the bonnet and opening the door on the other side.

As soon as he’d fallen in, Tony flicked him on the ear. “Ow!” He yelped, looking betrayed.

“Don’t slide your dirty school jeans over my car, you heathen,” Tony scolded, before turning back to the road and stepping on accelerate. “And don’t touch my radio. We’re listening to my music, not yours.”

Peter groaned, “ugh, but your music taste is-”

“Unless you want to get forcibly removed from this vehicle, I suggest you quit running your mouth, boy,” 

Peter looked over to him. There was silence for a stretch, before Peter muttered, “Metallica sucks.”

“RIGHT,” Tony pulled his sunglasses off, chucking them at Peter’s chest and then moving his hand to the dash where all his modified features sat, “that’s it, you’re getting ejected, buh-bye demon child-”

“TONY NO I’M SORRY I DIDN’T M-”

2

~No matter when or where I am you never fail to cross my mind. You’ve polluted my thoughts with your beauty and grace~

Tired.

I am not gonna lie, I’ve been trying to draw for the past two days after work, or even before work, but my hands are to tired and my body is so sore from work that it hurts to pick up the pen.

 I am sorry if I have been disappointing everyone with the lack of good art and such. I’ve been keeping myself motivated, but it’s hard and I can’t help but cry a little. Anyhow, I have another day at work to go through. I  would like to take a break and rest since finals are done but work has been demanding me even more. Someone give me a break please.. Ahaha. 

I’ll keep trying my best, I’ll recover on Saturday and try to draw a new comic for both blogs. 

Wish me luck.

]

Originally posted by geekylaugifs

the invisible perimeters of girlhood

When I was ten years old, I was with my mother at a department store shopping for bathing suits. We were in the fitting room and I was trying on something that I guess was a little more revealing–maybe a bikini, make backless, I don’t remember exactly. I liked the way it looked and I was leaning towards getting it, and then my mother said that I should know that if I wore something like that on the beach, some men might make inappropriate comments. She said it was alright if I still wanted to wear it but she thought I should know before I decided that if I wore this bathing suit men might decide it was okay to make loud sexual comments to a ten-year-old girl. My mom was not trying to make me feel bad or pressure me one way or another but she knew I was sensitive, she knew I absolutely hated anyone making any comments on my body, she knew I would feel very violated if this were to happen, and she felt as a mother that if I were to run this risk, I should do so knowingly. That, now that I was old enough to have men possibly sexually harrass me on a beach, I was old enough to weigh the pros and cons of wearing what I liked vs. the possible chance of my bathing suit attracting the sort of men who yelled sexual comments at ten-year-old girls.

I decided not to get the bathing suit.

One thing I want men to understand about girlhood and womanhood is that our lives, our female lives, are like a map surrounded by borders which aren’t immediately visible to girls when they are children. But as you grow up, you experience these universal moments in girlhood at which you catch a sudden glimpse of these borders. Beyond them is terra incognita, no-woman’s land. Here be dragons.  You are technically free to cross these borders but adults, both male and female, make damn certain you see all the signs warning you that to cross is to accept that you very well might meet a dragon and whatever it does to you is your own liability because you saw the signs. And, paradoxically, these borders are invisible to exactly the same men who create them. And these men–they aren’t just the ones who sexually harrass children on beaches for the bathing suits they wear. They are every man who says, “Well, you knew that was a bad neighbourhood,” or “What were you wearing?” or “I know sexism is shitty, but some man catcalled me today and I felt so validated in my gender!”

As girls, in our childhoods, we learn that the sidewalk ends right where you fail to remove all body hair or when you walk alone at night or when you post a photo—any photo—of yourself online, no matter what you’re wearing. This is what we learn as children.

I am interested to hear some of your stories about moments in your childhood/teen years when you discovered the “edges” of girlhood and the borders around it.