i am still obsessed with close ups

Mental breakdown tag lol

do I use this script or not

also vedj - still going, but will probably miss some days and that’s OKAY
I’m worried for this video, because rather than generalising mental illness as important, and needs to be talked about, I go into detail about the specifics of what I’m feeling. And it’s not pretty. If you can’t relate, and I hope you don’t, I’m going to seem very very strange. But mental illness isn’t simple, it’s not all let’s blow on thumbs together to stop these darn panic attacks, or this cute cartoon girl crying in a corner. It’s so much bigger and uglier and more complex.
I haven’t been making videos because I didn’t know how to when my head has been consumed and overtaken by what I’m about to talk about. But I think I’ve figured it out.
so here’s the thing
you may have seen on twitter
i mentioned that i haven’t really felt like i’m here since i was 17 in a vid recently
and then within the last week that sort of upped as a problem by like, 80%
i went to wales for some shoots, felt crazy the whole weekend, then came back and got very panicky about the fact that I was going mad
I had slept fine, and I kept expecting to wake up better, but I just didn’t
I’ll explain what this all actually is and how it feels in a bit, plz hold
so I got back, and knew that I felt messed up, so tried registering to the doctors
walked there, in my weird dream state, took a proof of address cause I knew I needed that, handed it in, and then they said that I needed proof of address within the last two months
i was teetering on the edge of tears and also feeling really weird so I think they must have thought I was actually insane
I forgot how to say thanks and bye so I think I just left, dunno
walked home, in this strange, bright dream world
tried finding proof of address, forgot how to talk to my housemate, scared she was going to notice that I was drunk, except i wasn’t drunk
and then my mum called and said dodie
are you okay
and I just sort of
broke
i was sobbing, rummaging through bin bags to try to find some sort of proof of address, on the phone to mum, and I decided to visit home home for some sort of familiarity, cause I used to feel so normal and alive in that house, when I was younger
so I went home home, crying on the train, panicking about the fact that I was going mad and all my friends were like dodie wtf
that was when I tweeted saying I needed a break
then I saw mum and started crying about the fact that I left my old bedroom bed in dovan flat, cause I just wanted my normal bed in my normal room so I could feel normal
and I came home but of course I wasn’t magically cured because going to that house is not the same as time travel
i’m not taking a trip to 2012 when I go home, as much as I want to, i’m a broken dodie visiting a broken house and a broken ish family
I even visited my old primary school which shut down, like, years ago, and I wandered around with hedy
I don’t think that helped, cause it felt like it had just, grown leaves and aged in like 20 seconds
it just made me feel even weirder
so what am I feeling? Okay. let me explain. Or try to.
here are a bunch of messages I have sent to friends of mine, to try and explain wtf this is
“i’m so tired
I’m just so tired I feel like I’ve been awake for 4 days And I don’t feel like I’m here I feel like I’m drunk Like I’ve had three wines and shots and beer and I’m tired and ready to go home and I can’t talk to anyone because I’ve forgotten how I usually talk
I don’t even look like me
Everything is so wrong and weird and scary
I honestly think I’m going mad
I can’t stop crying
I’ve got such a bad headache” to lucy
And I’ve just constantly felt like Drunk and blind You know when you’re hammered
And everything’s really bright and you can’t remember how to talk properly and you’re not really taking anything in cause you feel really weird and you can touch things and see things and talk to people but you’re not really There
I genuinely genuinely think I’ve gone mad
And I don’t know if I’m ever going to see things like normal again” to sammy
“Here’s the thing
I’m alive
I can breathe
I can eat and talk and sleep and see and feel
So I should be okay
And objectively, I am fine
So why am I not
It’s one of those things that I keep thinking about over and over to the point where my head is like is this really happening and then I’m like is WHAT really happening
I used to not understand mental illnesses at all
I was like
Just think of cats and rainbows
But now I get it
It’s so much deeper in your brain than cats and rainbows
I used to say if I ever got dementia or something id fight it
But how can you fight it when the it is the thing you’re using to fight with
Dodie has gone full blown mad” to jon
now, thanks to the last vid, and to google, I’ve found out what this probably is
and I’m trying my best to register and see a doctor and get therapy and sort this out and also
I know what you’re thinking
if you have no idea what I’m talking about, if you’ve never had anything even close to this, if you are mentally dandy
you’re thinking dodie
you sound mental
just shut up,
turn it off
you’re fine
you’re obsessing over nothing, you’re attention seeking, just stop thinking about it
firstly, I am so happy and thankful that you feel normal and happy and go and enjoy your life because you can
and secondly, I would do anything to turn this off and feel normal again, literally anything. But I can’t. not right now. I don’t know how.
so. here’s my plan.
I’m going to act fucking normal.
I can still sing. I am still alive, on this planet, even though I don’t feel like it. I still find things funny, I still can taste food, I can make jokes, and write songs and hang out with friends, even though I literally feel like I’m hiding something from everyone and I keep looking at everyone as if I’m a robot.
but I’m going to sort this out, somehow. I’m going to sleep before midnight and wake up before 9, I’m going to give myself weekends, I’m going to do mindfullness meditation at 11am, and Im going to go running at least twice a week and eat healthy and drink water and not drink too much alcohol and treat myself when I’ve done well and not overwhelm myself. And I’m going to go to a doctor, and then therapy, and deal with this. But this will not consume me.
Yeah I feel fucking weird. Bring it. I’m so done with the constant buzz in my head - why do I feel like this why do i feel like this why do i feel like this
I just do. And I can’t change it right now. It’s not going to turn off. and I can’t just stop the world until I feel normal again, because I’ll get to my 70s and be like well shit, I missed it all.
So I’m going to do the best I can. I’m going to make the videos that make me happy. And I’m going to laugh about the fact that I’m a bit mental. Cause what else can you do.

Whilst I type this I’m on the phone to my bank to get a statement sent to prove my address to go BACK to the doctors to prove I live here then get an appointment to get referred to therapists. The NHS may be free but it’s not bloomin easy lol.

gotta say making this video was super healthy for me. It was good to edit together and see that I can pass as a functioning human.

anonymous asked:

We didn't get any amazing Drabbles from you today! I miss them so much! I was wondering if you could write something from today, about why Robert was wandering around the village without Aaron (in my head it was that Aaron was so tired he'd been sleeping for ages, but woke up to find Robert "being creepy" watching him sleep, and sent him out to get food but that's just me) cause you know Robert didn't want to leave his side for anything!! I love your writing! Thanks for sharing it!!!!!!

Oh bless you for this message! I kinda got distracted by the prison release and I am a terrible multitasker so when I’m obsessing over tumblr and rewatching scenes to within an inch of their life I can’t write at the same time! However I’m currently sat out in my garden with the laptop for a couple of hours so I’ll try and get some done today!

As for your request…

“What?”

Robert smiled at Aaron’s mumblings.

“Thought you were asleep,” he explained softly, bringing his hand up to touch his husband’s cheek.

Aaron shifted in the bed slightly.

“I am,” he muttered back, still with his eyes closed. “Could feel you watching me,” he added with an upturn of his lips, smile threatening to break out on his face.

“How could I not?” Robert smiled back at him, shuffling closer.

“Bit creepy,” Aaron teased, and Robert couldn’t help the instinctive need to lean in and tickle his husband in that sensitive spot on his hip.

Aaron jolted at Robert’s touch.

“You’re cold,” he complained with a breathy laugh, pushing Robert’s hands away from him under the covers.

Robert smiled.

“I’ve been cold for six weeks without my personal radiator here to warm me up.”

Aaron smiled, blinking open his eyes narrowly.

He exhaled with what looked a lot like relief at the sight of Robert’s face looking back at him from his pillow.

“Am I dreaming?” he whispered, the fragility in his voice betraying him somewhat.

“Feels like it, doesn’t it?” Robert replied, his own words having to fight past the lump in his throat.

“Time is it?” Aaron asked.

“Late,” Robert replied. “Almost noon.”

Aaron winced as he stretched out a little.

“And how long you been watching me?” he teased.

Robert coughed, raising his eyebrows as he realised he’d been found out.

“Not long,” he lied. “Maybe…I dunno. An hour or so?”

He daren’t tell him he’d been awake since 9am.

Aaron smiled, shifting forwards in the bed, letting his warm hands travel up the outline of Robert’s body as he lay on his side – absence of his boxers a reminder of the reunion they’d had the night before.

It hadn’t been the usual – frantic and passionate – but it had been slow, and gentle, and perfect; a reminder of the way that they had all the time in the world together, now. They’d talked first – had gone up to their bedroom in the pub early on, as the party still swung in full flow beneath them, and they’d lain down on the bed, side by side, fully clothed, and talked about their feelings.

Robert told Aaron he’d hardly slept in their bed; that he hadn’t been able to face it without him. The sofa had been his home, and his days had been non-stop, filled with Liv and Noah and the scrapyard and the haulage company and The Mill.

Aaron told Robert about the prison routine; about Ethan and his conflicted, messed-up way of looking out for him. About the way he’d missed Robert. About the way it had felt to slip his wedding ring back on his finger just before he was released.

They’d kissed – slow; languid; punctuated with a smile, or a laugh, or a reminder of the fact they loved one another in that special and unique way that they did.

And they’d made love – not sex, not the heated exchange they were so used to – but the slow, gentle reconnection of two lovers who’d been torn apart and reunited. They’d kissed each other through it, and Robert had whispered into Aaron’s ear how much he loved him as he came.

“I love you,” Aaron told his husband now, staring into his eyes, memory of the night before still fresh.

“I love you, too,” Robert replied, leaning in for a morning kiss.

Aaron yawned as he pulled away, stretching his muscles out and feeling his body sink into the warmth and comfort he’d been deprived off for weeks.

“What do you want to do today?” Robert asked him. “Besides the obvious,” Robert drawled as he let his hands smooth over the tender skin on Aaron’s inner thighs.

“Not that,” Aaron smirked as he batted Robert’s hand away. “Not yet, anyway,” he added at the sight of Robert’s confusion.

“We’ve got some catching up to do,” Robert teased, returning his hands to his husband’s body.

Aaron laughed, leaning into Robert’s touch this time.

“Okay,” he relented, far too easily. “But I need food first. Actual, proper food, like I haven’t had in weeks.”

Robert nodded.

“I could nip out and get us some breakfast?” he suggested. “As much as I don’t wanna leave your side today, I suppose I could let you sleep in for a little while longer?”

“Hmmmm,” Aaron groaned, already rolling onto his side and snuggling himself down into his pillow. “Sounds good.”

Robert leant in and placed a kiss against his cheek.

“Any requests?” he asked as he forced himself leave his husband’s side.

“Bacon,” Aaron mumbled into his pillow, eyes already closed, sleep already taking him back over.

“Bacon it is, then,” Robert agreed, giving himself a few more seconds to take in the beauty of his husband fast asleep beside him before he found the strength to tear himself away.

take my hand (hold on forever)

a Nine/Rose canon-verse(ish) soulmate fic

for the prompt on @doctorroseprompts of  “We have never met but my soul remembers you, it was with yours once.” and for the @legendslikestardust drabble prompt of “spark”. bit more than a drabble but oh well

573 words || all ages

AO3

Rose smoothed her fingers up and down the Doctor’s forearm, entranced by the trail of golden sparks that the skin-to-skin contact created. They were lounging on the sofa in the library after a day of adventuring. His leather jacket had been doffed in the console room, as had her hoodie.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of this,” she said, smiling up at the Doctor. “S’like it’s new every time but also deeply familiar somehow.”

“I think that’s the whole point of the soulbond. Our souls are familiar to each other, know each other already. I think they knew each other before we ever met,” he said. His voice was low and soft tonight, almost unbearably intimate in the flickering firelight.

“I like that idea,” she admitted. “I hope it means that they always know each other, that we always find each other no matter what. Gives us a special kind of forever, doesn’t it?”

The Doctor nodded and reached out a hand to cup her cheek. The sparks danced like the eddies of time at the stroke of his thumb. He’d never seen anyone with golden sparks before and the way they looked exactly how he perceived time made him wonder.

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sentence prompts ➝  lorde

green light

‘  We order different drinks at the same bars  ’

‘  I know about what you did and I wanna scream the truth  ’

‘  You’re such a damn liar  ’

‘  Thought you said that you would always be in love but you’re not in love, no more  ’

‘  I’ll come get my things, but I can’t let go  ’

‘  I whisper things, the city sings them back to you  ’

‘  All those rumors, they have big teeth  ’

sober

‘  It’s time we danced with the truth  ’

‘  We’re sleeping through all the days  ’

‘  Will you sway with me? Go astray with me?  ’

‘  We’re King and Queen of the weekend  ’

‘  Ain’t a pill that could touch our rush  ’

‘  But what will we do when we’re sober?  ’

‘  These are the games of the weekend  ’

‘  We pretend that we just don’t care but we care  ’

‘  Can we keep up with the ruse?  ’

‘  I know this story by heart  ’

‘  We know that it’s over in the morning  ’

‘  You’ll be dancing with all the heartache and the treason, the fantasies of leaving  ’

homemade dynamite

‘  Don’t know you super well, but I think that you might be the same as me  ’

‘  Let’s let things come out of the woodwork  ’

‘  I’ll give you my best side, tell you all my best lies  ’

‘  Know I think you’re awesome, right?  ’

‘  Our rules, our dreams, we’re blind  ’

‘  We’ll end up painted on the road, red and chrome, all the broken glass sparkling  ’

the louvre

‘  Our days and nights are perfumed with obsession  ’

‘  Half of my wardrobe is on your bedroom floor  ’

‘  Drink up your movements, still I can’t get enough  ’

‘  But lover, you’re the one to blame, all that you’re doing  ’

‘  Can you hear the violence?  ’

‘  But we’re the greatest  ’

liability

‘  You’re a little much for me you’re a liability  ’

‘  The truth is I am a toy that people enjoy ‘til all of the tricks don’t work anymore  ’

‘  I know that it’s exciting running through the night  ’

‘  Every perfect summer’s eating me alive until you’re gone  ’

hard feelings / loveless

‘  Please could you be tender and I will sit close to you  ’

‘  Let’s give it a minute before we admit that we’re through  ’

‘  Cause I remember the rush, when forever was us  ’

‘  Before all of the winds of regret and mistrust  ’

‘  Now we sit in your car and our love is a ghost  ’

‘  Well I guess I should go  ’

‘  These are what they call hard feelings of love  ’

‘  When the sweet words and fevers all leave us right here in the cold  ’

‘  I wish I believed you when you told me this was my home  ’

‘  I care for myself the way I used to care about you  ’

‘  Why even try to get right?  ’

‘  But I still remember everything  ’

‘  Bet you wanna rip my heart out  ’

‘  Bet you wanna skip my calls now  ’

Void ❁I

We become aware of the void as we fill it

Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Angst and future smut.

Summary: Breaking into apartments while the owners are away. Sleeping in their beds, eating their food, using their showers and leaving before being seen. That´s what you do. A loner, a wanderer, a human ghost, call it whatever you want. You come and go, and no one notices. That, until Kim Taehyung returns home before expected.

Word count: 1.649

It´s been five months since I met Kim Taehyung and it still feels like I don´t know him at all.

I myself am a solitary person who detests having company, even I am a bit churlish, but none of that comes close enough to how much he hates being around people. He never answers the phone, he never smiles to strangers and he never goes out. His brows are constantly furrowed, his hands frantically separating the locks of hair that fall over his forehead denoting certain frustration that could only be caused by his obsession with work, the only thing that seems to make him get out of bed.

Every day he gets up excessively early to go to the office, putting on the same suit and packing the exact same items in his black backpack only to walk for one hour until he reaches the train station. For the rest of the day, I know nothing about him until the night comes and with it his worst mood. He arrives closing the door with a loud bang and reluctantly eats the food I´ve prepared, not letting me ask him about his day. Then he starts rambling about how miserable his life is and locks himself in his room to continue working.

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anonymous asked:

how can i get close with a capricorn? like having confidence and loyalty, im gettin to be friends with one and i feel like we are still pretending with each other and not really saying what we want cause we dont know how is the other! i want mask off! i´m aquarius sun scorpio moon virgo asc.. so what can i do so the capricorn can feel comfortable with me? and feel like i am reliable and they can be like be their true self.. sorry for this messy ask!

I’ve been asking myself this for like… half a year now believe it or not. I end up always liking Capricorns but I’ve always been so impatient and infatuated, borderline obsessed. I’m lucky that I’m still close friends with one of my recent Capricorn crushes but as to this current one, I think I’m gonna give you the advice I need to hear and take.

Have patience. Capricorns are attracted to stability and straight up giving it time. They don’t like to be rushed in matters of friendship and affection, usually, they like to be cautious.

BUT! That doesn’t mean they’re shy necessarily. I think what you and I both need to do is be direct about our intentions! Prove to them through words and actions that you’re there for them, bc I’m not a Capricorn but even I can appreciate that. Capricorns want to impress the ones they love, they want to be there for them. Everything a Capricorn does is a love letter to themselves and those they love. They want so badly to impress, I think it doesn’t come across as shyness or nervousness so much as stage fright.

So be honest, be direct, and be patient. They’ll see you’re worth it in the end.

Underkeep AU Headcanons

Yay! So, um, to start things off, I’d like to say that everything in this post is just my personal headcanons for the story and characters of this AU! :D I’m so thankful for @rotodisk for giving me the okay to post this, and I wouldn’t even be coming up with these if not for the creation of her Underkeep AU!

The Underkeep AU is an AU of amazing design, and I’m sure with an equally amazing story to go with it! I’m an impatient blob with an active imagination, so when I saw the designs, I just HAD to reach around and search for their story, you know? It’s never too early to start theorizing stuff, and if it’s denied, hey; at least it’s just a theory! And it’s low key how I’m gonna shape up the fanfiction I plan on making for this AU *cough* *cough*. So, I’m going to start things off with the general introduction to what I assume is the story flow of the entire thing.

(Long-ish post, so I’ll cut it here~)

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2

I sat at a table in the study room in Flourish and Blotts, surrounded by piles of books. I ran my finger along the tiny text of the book, not wanting to lose my place in the millions of words lining the page. 

A man with tousled hair and blue coat sat down in front of me. I looked up and smiled a friendly smile, but averted my eyes quickly back down to the book partly because I didn’t want to lose my place and partly because I felt my cheeks getting red. He was certainly a good looking one, with freckles that spotted his nose and eyes with smile lines around them.

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spaghetticorn-deactivated201703  asked:

What is ACOMAF?

ACOMAF, my young friend is the second book in Sarah J. Maas’ new adult series “A Court of Thorns and Roses”. It stands for A Court of Mist and Fury and it is absolutely fantastic!

I picked it up because as almost everyone knows, I am obsessed with Throne of Glass, by the same author. I liked the first book a lot but nowhere near as much as Throne of Glass, but after reading ACoMaF I just love the series so much (still not as much as Throne of Glass but they are very close)

It does have very sexual scenes in it though because it is a new adult book, but if you don’t mind that and love adventure and fantasy, 100% you should read it!

Hey guys! DJ here. I wasn’t sure if I should make this post out of fear of offending anyone, but I feel like it’s something I have to do.

Let me tell you a little secret. I have severe OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I obviously don’t promote it publicly so only my close friends know about it and very few people truly know how bad it is. I’ve been battling with it all my life and without it my quality of life would improve 500% however despite my greatest efforts and treatments throughout the years, here I am still dealing with it. Yeah it sucks but I just have to accept that it’s apart of my life.

This picture of Target’s new OCD Obsessive Christmas Disorder sweater is showing up all over my social media right now. When I first saw this picture I literally laughed out loud and thought “dude I need this sweater.” Then I read some of the reactions to it. Everything I read are angry and disgusted comments complaining that target is poking fun at mental disorders. Are you freaking kidding me? If anyone should be offended it would be me, and I’ll be the first person to tell you that it’s sweaters like this that let me laugh at all the bullshit OCD put me through. For a split second I was happy and OCD wasn’t the negative life destructive illness that it really is to me. It was a joke, and I liked it. We need MORE stuff like this in our lives. Why do people get offended so easily? Us OCD sufferers don’t need you standing up for us. What we need is for you to stop finding the negative in things because trust me, with OCD we’re already dealing with enough negativity.

If you can’t laugh at yourself you’re not living. Lighten up and laugh a little and I promise you will be happier.

<3 Love you guys! Stay positive!

#TeamTeraBrite FTW!

Maybe I wasn’t cut out for the whole teenager thing, but by the time I was seventeen I’d been drunk more times than I have memories of my father. And God no child should ever wake up with a hangover before they’re 21 because some boy couldn’t love them or a girl ripped their heart from their chest. And when all your friend are getting high and you’re doing everything in your power to forget the people who hurt you, well that’s when you know you’re fucked. You’ll go to parties and drink until you don’t know your own name but their faces are still there when you close your eyes.

I grew up with more than my mother’s eyes, I got her obsessive compulsive tendencies and her panic attacks while my father dealt me his smile and addictive nature. I never thought I’d be an alcoholic but I guess I am because I’ll drink every chance I get. I’m spilled vodka and beer breath because that’s what I grew up knowing. My brother is one part anti-depressants and two parts comedy and I never understood that until I realized that almost all comedians had depression. Maybe if I would have payed attention in health class I would have known that.

Sentences flow out of me like incoherent notes of a familiar song, they stumble across my vocal chords in mixed match pairs. My tongue is dragging me down and I’m drowning in words I never said. I’m no poet and maybe I use the same words too often, but God I’ve written more words than some people speak in their lifetime. My heart's been hanging heavy in my chest for too long. I’ve spent the past 3 months re-writing old stories and weaving more of myself out of familiar places, because it’s easier on others to fade away instead of dying out.

—  I miss who we use to be
Temporary Bliss (Part 5)

Here’s the next chapter guys! Thanks for being so patient with me this week has been crazy. I got it up on AO3 for you guys if you want to read it there but other than that I hope you guys enjoy it! I’ve got two more chapters to write after this one so that means its almost done! Yay! I’ll get started on that soon but other than that, enjoy.

Part one

Part two

Part three

Part four

Part six

Part seven


Day four.

The steady drum of her alarm clock forces Marinette to open her eyes and notice the world around her. Sun rays peek through her windows and she looks down to see the plush cat still in her arms with its mask coming off.

Chat.

She lets out a long sigh and sits up, still holding the doll close to her.

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anonymous asked:

Forgive me for asking but I saw this on your Swanky Dank / Hiro post, but why don't you like the OOR fandom?

no need to be sorry darling. i don’t eat people. i’d prefer eating Oreo dunked in hot milk. It taste good, you should try it 😜

things that i wrote on that post is an emotion that i’ve been holding up to since last year. it’s like a cancer, if i don’t let it out, it kills me inside.

i’ll tell you the reasons why i don’t like the fandom:

1.Comparing

-ever since MY FIRST STORY debuted, Hiro is always being compared to Taka. Not only that, because of him, his band (MFS) too was accused to copy OOR. You can see tons of it on their old MV’s comment section.

It all comes down to your way of thinking. If you want him to sound like Taka, then he will sound like Taka all the way. If you want him to sound like Hiro, then he will sound like Hiro.

-not only MY FIRST STORY, but my boys in COLDRAIN too! I’ve came across a comment written “great! but OOR is better..” 

if you are going to praise OOR, don’t do it on other bands MV! there’s no limit to writing a comment on Youtube. you can write as much as you want. So write it on the place it belongs, not on another’s..

-even Coldrain’s Six Feet Under is said to have sounds like OOR.👈 REALLY?! that song consist of screamo and heavy riffs, SOUNDS LIKE ONE OK ROCK??!! These guys must be deaf. 

fyi, Jinsei X Boku = by OOR is actually inspired by Linkin Park AND COLDRAIN. so.. who copied who?


2. One Ok ‘POP’

-upon discovering about Taka vaping & smoking, most of the fans were upset. ONE OK ROCK isn’t idols. they had tattoos, they got drunk, ALL of them smoke. their labels allow that. So STOP treating them like one!

i know they were worried about Taka’s health and voice, but he’s a grown up man, he knows how to take care of his throat and health. besides, he still sounds good performing live. his smoking lifestyle didn’t affect it much. it’s just you guys being paranoid.

-and when 35xxxv was release, revealing the new side of OOR. Many old fans leave the fandom. while new fans joined in. As the fandom grow bigger, that’s when the fandom started to get fucked up. i missed the old OOR. I am so close to leaving too, but i’m holding on still because i loved them. this fandom is where i meet new friends, and create my own small family with the fans.


3. Obsessed

-”Taka can’t have a girlfriend.”, “Taka is mine!”. these words is common whenever Taka was spotted having a picture with a cute model, singer and so..

I think the girls have misunderstood the true meaning of a fangirl.
BEING A FANGIRL DOESN’T MEAN YOU OWN HIM.  He may have said “I LOVE YOU” more than enough times to the fans, 

but his kind of I LOVE YOU’s is NOT: “I love you, lets get married and have lots of children..

ITS ACTUALLY: Thank you for supporting us. we will do our best to keep going.

I love Taka too. And i’ll be happy if he found a woman to be loved, and got married and have children. That’s what a fangirl is supposed to do, right?

as a girl, we should stop living in fairytales and start living in reality. Find someone who can love you dearly. And if you found a guy who understands your condition as a fangirl, and help you buy band merch, MARRY HIM!

-i don’t want any sasaengs in the fandom, like the k-pop did. OORer is a J-rock fandom. don’t make it as worst as the K-pop one.

that is the best answer i could give. Is it too long? Well, since you asked for it. ;)

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Rey, Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

While this costume started out as something for my to wear to the Thursday night premier, it’s really quickly becoming my favorite costume. Today was my first day really taking it out for a test run. I just finished the staff last night so it still needs more work, but I am so happy with how everything turned out!

This costume is a lot of firsts for me, including tea dying the fabric to get it closer to the shade I wanted, as well as bigger prop building. My hair is my own, and I’m still surprised I can even get it up to get it close to her style because it’s pretty short.

I’ve seen TFA 5 times now and I am ready to go again, so needless to say I’m obsessed!

Photos by ESH <3

Also, I’d like to note that it was almost 65 degrees here in PA today and the grass is still green, hard to believe tomorrow is December 25th.

Poetry, for me, is a private act. I read it alone. I write it alone. Instead of sharing it with others face-to-face, I post it online, on my own. 



Slam poetry was not a part of my initial growth as a writer. When I moved to Portland and started working for Where Are You Press, I attended Where Are You Press’ writing pre-poetry slam workshops and the slam every week. These terrified me. Even though I had published my first book and shared my work online with thousands of strangers, being in a small group and reading my writing aloud was so hard. I attended the slam regularly for six months and only read once. Once.

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anonymous asked:

At the last show I had a Larry sign with me (nothing big it was just a picture of them both with a little heart in the middle) and this girl came up to me being really rude and mean about it. She said I was just a straight girl obsessed with gay men or something? And I told her I was a lesbian, so she started getting really close to me and touching me and when I expressed I was uncomfortable she went back to her friends laughing about how much of a liar I am?? I'm still like what the fuck

What a fucking weird asshole.

Why I absolutely adore 'The Wind Rises'.

To sum it up in it’s most basic form, I can see why this was his ‘farewell’ film, even if it actually wasn’t. I am a huge fan of Hayao Miyazaki and honestly, when he first announced that he would be ending his career I was actually quite devastated. I knew that he had been through cycles like this before, but the man is 84 years old, he deserves retirement if he so chooses. It was more difficult to let go of the influence he’s had on me, knowing that it would soon come to an end. When I was a kid, his movies captured me so completely that I became immersed, separate from my own reality and apart of his. He’s one of the incredibly few directors who can capture that same spirit in me even as I’ve grown older, maybe even the only one to ever do so.

I know I’m young, but I’m in that stage where I’ve currently been thrown out into the world in a sea of debt and insecurities, ripped unceremoniously away from my home and, consequently, my childhood. I’ve been told through all of my goofs and trip-ups that I’m an adult now, it’s time to act like one. I even feel like one at times, and through all of these expectations and responsibilities I’ve somewhat lost the ability to slow down and remember myself.

Not to seem arrogant, (or that I’m some sort of genius,) but I was able to identify with Jiro on a lot of levels. My dreams, even as a kid, were always about the future. I always wanted to create, get my ideas into a format that could be manufactured for the world. This, and only this, could give my life meaning. My own mother still brings up how obsessive I was about it, coming straight home and closing the door to the basement where I would sit and write for hours on end. The book, of course, was awful, but it was 148 pages long that even included a resolution for the juvenile story. This determination latched itself to anything and everything I cared about and still remains with me, only it’s been masked. Going to college is suffocating who I am, it consumes my thoughts and leaves me barely a second to reflect on how I’m doing, I sometimes forget why I even came. The most harmful thing yet has been meeting jaded artists, ones who claim that everyone who works eventually hates what they do. Money will always be an issue, there’s always someone who’s better than you are, dreams are for idiots, passion for the naive, and true balance left unobtainable. 

I was starting to think, despite everything, that I was going to end up like them. I would never make my stories into a reality and I would end up illustrating local ads to pay the rent, and who’s to say I wouldn’t? Being an artist is the first step to being unhappy, both with yourself and your life. This is what I have been told. 

Jiro was well aware of this concept, or at least a version of it, but in his dreams with Caproni he is asked, even if his work would be used to destroy, would he still pursue his dreams anyway? Jiro confirms that he will because he knows that his work will be imprinted in the advancement of technology in Japan and will inspire others like him to create beauty. It is humanity’s choice to use that beauty for evil. 

Everyone of us is born with something inside, one could call that a soul, but I think it’s more than that. I think it’s something that can spill out and fill others, welded into the metal wings of a plane, or sewn into the stitches of designer jackets, felt in every note of every song, and in every mark made in a piece of artwork. No idea is original, but every idea is inspired, a weird patchwork of people like Jiro and the designers who came before him. This is how we live on, through the people we touch with our ideas. It’s the light inside of us that we bequeath to world before our own time runs out.

This is what gives our lives meaning, I think, for Jiro and for myself.