i am sorry that you're stupid

Every OJST Comic
  • Erika Moen, buried neck deep in the ground: Hey, guys. Today we have a special guest comic from the guy who lives in the sewage pipe behind my house. Hopefully this one doesn't get too FILTHY for you.
  • Some Guy: Gee, it sure is boring around here.
  • Dirt Monger: *poofs out of nowhere*
  • Some Guy: Who are you!!!????
  • Dirt Monger: I'm the dirt monger and I love eating dirt for sexual pleasure.
  • Some Guy: You mean shoveling tons of dirt into your mouth!!!!!?????????????????
  • Dirt Monger: Yes, it's a completely valid normal way of exploring your kinky identity.
  • Some Guy: But, isn't eating dirt SUPER UNHEALTHY.
  • Dirt Monger: Not at all if you follow SAFE DIRT PROTOCOLS. Always make sure to wear dental dam while consuming dirt sexually and to never actually swallow dirt because you don't want that shit in your stomach. Set up code phrases with your partner like "More Dirt" and "Not Enough Dirt" if you don't think you're getting your fair share of dirt shoveled directly into your stupid fucking face.
  • Some Guy: Wow, I'm so turned on right now.
  • Dirt Monger: That's the spirit. Consuming dirt like a human backhoe is a great way to bond with your partner and discover more about yourself as well.
  • Some Guy: I can't wait to eat dirt like the disgusting troglodyte that I am. Actually, can we mud too?
  • Dirt Monger: No, you dumbass! Dirt and mud are completely unrelated things! I'm the dirt monger, not the mud monger! Do you think I'm stupid?
  • Some Guy: Jeez, sorry I asked.
  • Dirt Monger: Hahaha! One more thing, eating dirt has a direct connection to several radical far-right subcultures. Googling dirt eating may take you down a dark path. I just want everyone to know that they do not represent the whole of the dirt eating community. You can practice the sexual consumption of dirt without turning into a nazi. We completely and entirely disavow fascist dirt eaters. THANKS FOR READING.

so somehow i reached 4k followers which is a lot… think about it, i can’t fit that much people into my house plus my backyard,, so thanks to all the people who have talked to me, complimented me, asked me things and reblogged my stuff,, you’ve made my day🐳

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Klangst
  • Keith: Lance what is your problem! You always do stupid shit! You could've gotten Shiro and Pidge killed!
  • Lance:
  • Keith: Really! Tell me what your damage is! You're bringing down the team like you always do! All you ever do is talk about yourself and how great you are but never consider anyone else!
  • Shiro: Keith... that's enough.
  • Hunk: Lance didn't mean to-
  • Keith: Why are you here?! Allura couldn't have chosen ANYONE better?! Totally useless Lance!
  • Allura: Keith stop it!
  • Lance:
  • Lance: I'm sorry.... You're right
  • Lance: I am useless.

anonymous asked:

You're fucking stupid if you think cishets belong in lgbt spaces. I won't miss your blog.

I’m sorry, am I supposed to care what your pathetic mind thinks?

Because I don’t. Asexuals are NOT heterosexuals, and I’m tired of the queer community trying to bar out aces and aros. It’s amazing how a community of people who were ostracized now want to gatekeep and tell everyone “they aren’t queer enough to enter”. 

Gays and Lesbians are valid. Bisexuals and Pansexuals are valid. Transgender, Genderqueer, Non-binary, Genderfluid, and the ones I don’t even know are valid. And Asexuals and Aromantics are valid.

Me and my 27,000 followers will not miss your presence. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out. 

anonymous asked:

I'm sorry but I don't see anything romantic in Steve and Buckys relationship. If they get together, id be fine with it, but my stupid hetero head is blocking me which really sucks. All of us kind of grow up in the world were straight is the norm and if you're anything else it needs to be explicitly stated. I do t have a problem shipping characters that are "out" on screen but am less inclined to see romantic tension if they aren't which actually really bothers me. I love Stucky as my BROTP.

Right and this is the problem. Not with you, but with heteronormativity and it’s actually a good thing that you recognise that. The standard for straight relationships is so god damn low. Literally all they have to do is put a man and a woman in the same room and have them make eye contact for a bit longer than necessary and people will read into it and see romance. No questions asked, that’s just accepted as a good enough start point for straight romance.

Lgbt romance though? The standard is so high. Steve and Bucky do the amount they’ve done Time and time again to prove they’re the most important people to each other. Steve pushes himself to the limits of even his super human existence in Civil War when he pulls that helicopter out of the sky to save Bucky. They have a phrase that’s like a wedding vow that holds such deep meaning to Bucky it broke through TWS programming. They’ve been paralleled more than once with canon straight couples. But that’s not enough, it’s still just platonic and friendly and boys being lads being bro’s. Lgbt romance literally needs for the characters to be like “I am not straight and i love this person who is also not straight” before people will go “Yeah okay fine, maybe they’re more than friends.”

Heteronormativity is the bane of my existence. I don’t want everyone to ship it, Ofc not, I just want us to reach a point where people go “Not for me but I can totally see why it is for you, I get it”, because you know if one of them was a girl, no one would question it for a second.

anonymous asked:

Okay, wow, it took me a really long time to hear this, but England is actually going through with the Brexit. You're from the UK, right? If not, sorry to bother then, but if you are, I'm just wondering what you think about all this.

I am utterly embarrassed, appalled, ashamed, and every doom that comes down upon our colossally stupid country for this has been earned throughout history, and yet I still wish it wasn’t happening. The people who will suffer the most from it are undoubtedly the ones who deserve it the least, and I just hope we can pull together to survive and reverse it (although frankly if I was the EU there wouldn’t be any sympathy like what the actual fuck England)

anonymous asked:

I work at a store which is WIDELY KNOWN to have a store credit card, and yet I regularly get people who whine at me about how they're "tired of being asked that every time I come in". Pattern recognition is a thing! You knew when you decided to come to this store that you'd be asked! It's not my fucking fault you're a moron, and I'm not going to treat you like a martyr!

Remind them that you have no control over the policy and direct them to corporate. That’s what I do. Back when I was just a cashier I used to print business cards “I’m sorry for whatever policy that you have issue with. However I am not in a position to change it. Please call 1-800-MY-SUPERMARKET.” I also had some that said “you have said or done something incredibly stupid, please take a moment to think about it” but I only gave those to my friends. At least till I handed one to a coworker in front of the local police officer and she confiscated them to pass out herself.

-Rodney

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARK

A message from me to you
People say Youtubers are just silly or ‘unemployed.’ They say that they can’t do as much as a man in a suit going to the office. But, then you see Markiplier. Mark Edward Fischbach. The one person on Earth that keeps me living and breathing. The one person I can turn to when I feel like dying. The one person who tells me to breathe when i can’t. Mark Edward Fischbach. He isn’t just a Youtuber. He’s a father to a dog. He’s a best friend to many others. He’s my hero. Honestly, I don’t think I’d be here today if it weren’t for him. So, I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for keeping me breathing. Thank you for keeping so many other people here. Thank you for posting your personality (and many others) on the internet. For being here. For keeping yourself here. Thank you. I never thought I’d be saying this, but I don’t think I could be as sane as I am now without you, and everyone else who had helped me. The stupid humor mixed with the tears always find something in my heart. You and the others are my heros. And I can’t thank you enough. Thank you for being you, and thank you for being funny, and thank you for being cute, and thank you for being smart, and thank you for being stupid. And thank you, Markiplier, for being a YouTuber.
God, I’m in tears now. Sorry for the sappy letter.
~S

((For @markiplier, the happy birthday boy!))

Experiment failed ☹

trying to turn a vanilla pound cake into a lemon pound cake with some lemonade mix and lemon extract because you are baking a cake in the middle of the night and realize you don’t have vanilla…did not work out as well as I had hoped…lol. That is one sorry ass looking cake.

that’s how it SHOULD look (that’s the last pound cake I made) Chemistry. Baking is all chemistry and I guess it got messed up adding fucking Crystal light, which is actually full of citric acid, which probably totally messed with how the baking soda worked. lmfao. BUT, the good news, if all the damn crumbs that fell off are any indication, is it TASTES GOOD, and I guess that’s what really matters in the end. 

Now that I’ve showed y’all my sorry ass cake, it’s time for bed. Family gathering later today, not just for Father’s day, but for my son’s 24th birthday, which was the 17th, and my 32nd anniversary, which was the 15th. We had a lot of things to celebrate this week. Hope everyone likes ugly lemon cake…lol.  Goodnight everyone!

I’m so glad that a conversation between a Brit and an Aussie that goes; “How’s the weather?”-“Bloody awful mate”, can be read with either one as the instigator.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE GODDAMN SKY also thank you Norse for this picture sorry mine is terrible ;w;

Sarcastic Sentence Starter Meme
  • "Hi, I'm a human! What are you?"
  • "People have a right to be stupid, but you're abusing the privilege."
  • "The best part of my day is when you're not in it."
  • "Sorry, I'm busy right now. Tell me where you will be in 10 minutes; I'll make sure I'm not there."
  • "How about never? Is never good for you?"
  • "Well, who lit the fuse on your tampon?"
  • "Ah, I see the fuck up fairy has visited again."
  • "You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers."
  • "I am already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth."
  • "What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!"
  • "I'm not rude. You're just insignificant."
  • "And your cry-baby whiny-ass opinion would be...?"
  • "I started with nothing and I still have most of it left."
  • "If I throw a stick, will you leave?"
  • "Whatever look you were aiming for, you missed."
  • "Hold on. I'm imagining you with a personality."
  • "Aren't you just a black hole of need?"
  • "Why don't you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma?"
  • "If you have something to say, raise your hand. Then place it over your mouth."
  • "Have a nice day. Somewhere else."
  • "You possess a mind that's not only twisted, but actually sprained."
  • "I never forget a face but in this case, I'll make an exception."
  • "Nice perfume/cologne. Must you marinate in it?"
  • "Oh wait, I forgot- you're a bitch!"

bat-attack2019-blog  asked:

So, I know there are a lot of these but I'm having trouble finding some I haven't read, and are well written with a good story. Anyways, I was wondering if you could help me find some good sterek fan fictions where stiles is either held captive or simply hurt or in danger and Derek has to save him? Thank you so much! You're blog is great!

Oh gosh, sweetheart, I am so sorry, I don’t know??? My mind is blanking. I am so bad at finding fics. I still read a lot of Sterek but not as much as I used to (aka 10 fics a day) and I was so stupid back then and didn’t remember to bookmark anything. Basically, there are fics I want to rec you because I do remember them but alas I have no clue what they are called.

I am the worst, I know. I am slowly trying to re-find all these fics. In the meantime, if anyone can leave a fic rec in the comments below for you, I would be much obliged!  

Or, because Billy is amazing at reccing me these kind of angsty fics, if @dontgobrienmyheart could rec any, well, I know you’d be in good hands ;)

James Blunt {Sentence Starters}
  • "It seems easier just to run away."
  • "These are the words that I wish I'd said to you."
  • "Just take a breath for your own sake."
  • "I've been lucky. Guess I was born that way."
  • "How come you don't want to see me?"
  • "I want to know what love is, but it seems to come with so much pain."
  • "It seems you only want the things that you can't have."
  • "Behind the smile you're hiding all the things I know you want to say."
  • "I hope that you’ll stay the night."
  • "I want you more than I ever wanted- than I ever needed- anyone I ever knew."
  • "Is it ever gonna stop? Will they ever let you go?"
  • "Close your eyes and they'll all be gone."
  • "I know you want to know what's right, but I know it's so hard for you to do that."
  • "How come you've gone and left me alone?"
  • "No matter what I say or do, the message isn't getting through."
  • "No one's got much to say in this town."
  • "I really want you to really want me."
  • "Here I swear, forever is just a minute to me."
  • "I'll be the first to say I'm sorry, the first to say I'm stupid."
  • "And I see no bravery in your eyes anymore."
  • "Do you see the world through troubled eyes?"
  • "But don't go tearing your life apart!"
  • "How long you gonna leave me here standing?"
  • "Did I disappoint you or let you down?"
  • "If time is all I have, I'll waste it all on you."
  • "I am here for you, if you'd only care."
  • "Oh God it hurt, the moment that I saw you with someone else."
  • "And I love you, I swear that's true."
  • "You're beautiful. You're beautiful."
  • "Let's get into all kinds of trouble!"
  • "And I don't know what to do, 'cause I'll never be with you."
  • "I'm not supposed to be the one who's lonely."

Solas:  Herald, a moment of your time?  And I would suggest soon as they have planned an encore.

Carver:  Nice mood lighting, Solas.  Very romantic.  But I’m just going to break your heart.

Solas:  Despite the jests, you have proven yourself capable.  Those that continue to follow look to you for guidance.  This burden of yours was never meant to be laid at your feet.  Corypheus has irrevocably changed your fate and the world’s.  Magister or no, you did not waver in his presence once; such bravery I have seen in the heroes of your legends during my journeys in the Fade.

Carver:   Eh. He’s not the first crazy mage I’ve dealt with. I mean, my brother sorta made me immune to a lot of mage idiocy.  And then there’s Anders… fuck.  You know, I trusted him?  I really believed he cared for us.  Sure, there were the manifestos he left stuffed in any crevice you left unguarded, the sodding prat. One day– BOOM– everything’s on fire, Chantry bits raining down on us, my brother crying– HE MADE GARRETT CRY.  So yeah.  Crazy mages and their stupid schemes: I’ve had enough.  I AM NOT GETTING BETRAYED BY ANOTHER MAGICAL IDIOT WANTING TO BLOW EVERYTHING UP TO MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER FOR THEMSELVES!  Arrrrgh.  Sorry.  You were saying?

Solas:  I– I should be going.  Have a pleasant evening, Herald.

anonymous asked:

I'm sorry if this sounds stupid but I'm new here... So, I'm trying to get this straight. The site is named Emily's Diary, after Mimi/Emily, who used to be your girlfriend... And you are Shun, the artist, and you're a guy. Is that right? Sorry if you have an about page somewhere and I just can't find it. ;^^ Your art is the cutest stuff ever and I love all of it. Kawaii Tato forever XD

Yes indeed I named it after my ex <3 I am also the artist and I am a guy  ^o^ and thankiess <3  Tato loves you all da way~ (◕ ʜ ◕

Sentences to describe Harry Potter next gen
  • Roxanne Weasley : Yup I see dead people. So do you, idiot.
  • Fred Weasley II : I am my uncle Fred. Without a twin. Okay there's James. But he's my cousin not my twin... Wait maybe he is.
  • Molly Weasley II : I am so tired of your shit...
  • Lucy Weasley : I am calm. IF YOU TOUCH ONE OF HER FUCKING HAIR I KILL YOU OKAY ?! Yes I am calm.
  • Teddy Lupin : What the fuck am I doing in this family?
  • Victoire Weasley : I am an angel but if you touch one of my friends I'll kill you.
  • Dominique Weasley : Je vous emmerde tous autant que vous êtes.
  • Louis Weasley : My family is crazy.
  • James Potter II : Did you know the marauders? Well I am worst than them.
  • Albus Potter : WHY ARE MY BESTFRIENDS SO DAMN STUPID?! ... Oh and I'm nice by the way.
  • Lily Potter II : I SHIP IT OKAAAAY?!
  • Rose Weasley : Fuck this. Fuck that. Fuck you. Especially you Malfoy.
  • Hugo Weasley : I'm sorry about what my sister said about you but she's a little right.
  • Scorpius Malfoy : I love Rose... I MEAN! Flowers! Roses! The flowers... Fuck.
  • Lorcan Scamander : I don't know who I am anymore because my twin is a fucking idiot.
  • Lysander Scamander : I am not a genius. You're just too stupid to understand what I say.
  • Alice Longbottom II: Everyone say I'm nice. Well never make me angry if you don't want me to become your worst fear.
  • Augusta Longbottom : Just leave me alone...

anonymous asked:

Raph/Casey or Apritello: 3. Drunk/sloppy kiss

“Lookit,” Casey slurs, for the third time. “Raph, lookit. Lookit those nerds.” 

Raph peels his eyes away from the TV long enough to stare at Donnie and April, who have somehow wedged themselves into the tire swing, and are giggling at each other in between kisses. 

Giggling. They’re giggling. 

Raph groans and rolls onto his plastron. “Y’know,” he says, pointing in Casey’s general direction. “It’s like, we get it. You guys are in love.” He sighs, too disgusted and too drunk for mere words, and reaches for another beer. “Nobody cares, beanstalk. Take your…take your straight faces somewhere else, I don’t wanna see it.” 

“We heard that!” Donnie yells, to a fresh burst of giggles from April. “I’m sorry my heterosexuality offends you, Raph!” 

“I’m not!” April says. 

“Shut up!” Raph roars around the neck of his bottle. “You’re so…so gross, so…” 

“This room is too straight!” Casey hollers, heaving himself to his feet. “Raph, c’mon, we gotta gay this place up. Lemme – hold still, Raph! Lemme love you, booster seat.” 

He bellyflops on top of Raph, just as Raph tries to roll away, and then his tongue is in Raph’s mouth, and on Raph’s chin, Raph’s neck, and in between yelling about how lame Casey is, and how stupid Donnie and April are, Raph realizes he doesn’t mind any of it. 

Well, he doesn’t mind what Casey’s doing. Donnie and April are still stupid.

anonymous asked:

i've been having a particularly shitty week with both my friends and my family and i'd just really adore some dream pack or gangsey or lynch family vibes bc these people all love each so much more than anyone I know irl it's beautiful if you ever get the time it'd mean THE WORLD to me. either way i love you so much you're a lil bit of sunshine in my life tbh

oh pal i am so sorry <3 i know things are gonna get better for you soon

how about we talk about all three? how about we talk about declan coming home to go to church with his brothers one sunday and after mass ronan says that he ‘accidentally woke up’ with ‘a fuckton of blue water balloons’ and there’s gonna be an epic battle in the monmouth parking lot

  • at first declan snorts and turns the offer down, but matthew’s puppy-dog eyes are stupid hard to resist and declan honestly could probably go for a little bit of mindless fun so he says that ronan has to let him borrow a different shirt if he plays
  • matthew laughs at declan in one of ronan’s black tanktops with wide sleeve cut-outs and says he looks like ‘a goth frat bro’ - ronan sneers and agrees, giving matthew a fist-bump
  • the three of them pile into declan’s volvo and make their way to monmouth. when they get there, everyone is already standing outside, several cardboard boxes filled with water-swollen balloons scattered around the lot. an unfamiliar car is parked next to gansey’s pig, and ronan frowns when he steps out of the car
  • it isn’t until he sees swan and skov and jiang standing near gansey, so close to each other that they look like a six-legged animal, that he understands. well, he sort of understands. he wasn’t anticipating any of k’s friends being here, but at least he knows whose car it is
  • jiang and declan share a little glance and jiang looks away first, but not quickly enough that declan doesn’t catch the grin on his lips. declan opens his mouth to say something but it’s ronan who speaks first, addressing all of the dream pack boys at once: the fuck are you here for?

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anonymous asked:

hey, if you're still taking prompts could you maybe do something like the first time Neil gets drunk?? and how Andrew (and the team) reacts to it maybe?? thank you so much your writing is amazing!!!!!!

  • the first time Neil gets drunk is after his first day being co-captain, and Jack is giving him shit, and Kevin’s being an ass, and all of the other freshmen are pushing him, trying to see what his limits are
  • Neil just fucking
  • he changes out fast but doesn’t shower, and he runs back to the dorms
  • but that isn’t enough, running wasn’t enough, Neil is still frustrated and feeling like a failure and almost wishing that he had died before finals because at least then he wouldn’t be disappointing Wymack and the team
  • Andrew returns to the dorm and finds Neil on the roof, already halfway through a bottle of whiskey
  • Neil turns to look, and he sways a little on the edge of the roof
  • frowning, Andrew walks up and nudges Neil’s hip with his foot
  • Neil sways dangerously and grabs at Andrew’s leg for balance
  • “well at least you’re coherent enough to keep promises. get up.”
  • Andrew pulls Neil to his feet and takes the whiskey away and narrows his eyes as he appraises Neil “you need a shower”
  • “forgetting was more important”
  • “I’ve never seen you so pathetic”
  • and Neil just feels like total shit and Andrew is not helping so Neil starts walking to the stairs
  • Andrew follows, but when Neil starts going into their room, Andrew grabs him and pushes him into Matt, Nicky, and Aaron’s room, where all of the upperclassmen are hanging out
  • everyone looks up and they immediately frown when they realize that Neil is drunk
  • Matt is the first to his feet and he comes over to Neil like “hey Neil you okay?” 
  • and Matt looks to Andrew, who isn’t moving any farther into the room
  • Andrew just says “watch him” and then leaves, because he doesn’t know how to handle Neil like this but tomorrow when Neil is sober Andrew will be there for him but right now Neil is upset and drunk and that’s not a good combination
  • so the upperclassmen minus Aaron pull Neil into their ranks and Neil is looser when he’s drunk so he just dumps his feelings and they totally get what’s happening (especially Dan)
  • so they all start drinking and talking about stupid shit and eventually Neil starts smiling and even laughing and he feels a lot better surrounded by his family