Most of us guessed that Navy would end up betraying everyone by the end of the episode.
I don’t think most of us expected that having her go from this:
would be really good for Lapis’ mental health.
And despite certain people’s fears about certain story boarders… this was actually very much in character for her. I think it’s pretty safe to assume that Lapis has always been cynical, even in her pre mirror days. After she escaped she went from cynical to detached and apathetic. Not an unexpected defense mechanism for someone who was trapped in an inanimate object for 6,000 years. But she has made progress. She trusts Steven and Peridot. Enough not only to express her concerns, but to essentially make a confession.
Life on Earth is really confusing. It took me a long time to get use to it. I’m still getting use to it.
Given everything that’s happened to her on Earth, it’s only natural that she’s having a hard time adjusting. But she’s just confessed her biggest insecurity: she knows she’s having a hard time dealing with what she’s been through, while having to get use to to living a normal life on the planet where her greatest traumas happened. Before the rebellion she would have done her job and left for the next planet, Earth having been a distant memory by this time. But now she can never leave. Earth has to become home.
She wants to move on, but feels guilty about how difficult actually doing that is.
So here comes this I-Insta-Love-All-Things-Earth ruby, who seems freakishly well adjusted from the moment she crashes face first into the planet. Never mind that she was lied to not once, but twice, by the crystal gems. Never mind that she was blasted out into space and abandoned while they stole her ship. All is instantly forgiven and she just wants to be a part of their happy family.
Worse yet? The people Lapis cares most about just buy it. They go right along with it as though Navy’s behavior is perfectly normal. It took time for Lapis to even begin to be okay with the idea of living in Earth and forgiving the crystal gems- she’s still working on it, and it’s painful. She’s worked so hard for every inch of progress she’s made, and here’s someone who’s seemingly able to move on the same day they got to Earth.
I just don’t get it. Why is it so easy for her when it was so hard for me?
So when the perfectly well adjusted Navy turned out to be a gleeful sociopath gleefully hell bent on revenge, everything fell into place.
Navy’s sudden but inevitable betrayal was the best thing to happen for Lapis’ mental health to date.
So what’s the take away from this? 1) People react differently to trauma. 2) Just because someone seems well adjusted doesn’t mean they are. 3) It’s okay to take a long time to heal from your traumas. It’s okay for it to be a constant work in progress. It’s okay not to be okay.
And at the end of the day, that realization can almost feel like happiness.
who the fuck does daniel james howell think he is? posting soft selfies with a lil’ bit of thigh showing? wearing oversized striped sweaters? looking completely adorable but also attractive? what the fuck
I know everyone is busy screaming about history, but I would like to casually remind everyone of the gift that no one has talked about enough. this is magical and amazing and none of you have appreciated it enough so HERE now you can watch/listen on repeat like me
badass goth. lethal and smart. listens to bring me the horizon and slipknot. has that megan fox from jennifers body vibe. everyone wants to sleep with her
party goth. wild and smashes things. probably listens to MCR and the pretty reckless. will burn ur truck. also intense that even cops fall for her. rumour has it she made 8 girls cum at the same time with three knuckles alone
some kind of goth-hippie hybrid. head of the parents association of carter. daily snarks and roasts jessica who is a homophobe about her pies. sells weird and mystic antiques. has own book. gives huge donations to burning man. you will be enthralled by her wisdom.
it can be as rudimentary as the charming way you smile, or how pleasant your laugh sounds. there is something. I know how difficult it is to conceptualize; I know it’s even harder to think that these positive things, even the small ones, make up for the void – make up for all the perceived negative way we see ourselves.
to be honest there’s a lot more about us to love than what we gives ourselves credit for. it never feels like enough; we need to either be more than ourselves or nothing at all. most of the time it feels like nothing at all. but it’s not like that.
if you didn’t know it today, you are worth loving. people do love you. there are people out there that will come to love you. and there’s always time to cultivate things in ourselves that people can come to love. we’re amazingly dynamic like this.
It’s strange but in a weird way, I miss my darkness… you know what I mean, the indifferent sadness that you resign yourself to when you’re completely and totally hopeless, when you no longer see a reason to try anymore so you kinda just shuffle along day after day, when nothing really matters because you don’t plan on living for much longer. Things that once ate away at you no long strike fear or anxiety into your heart cause “once I’m dead none of it’ll matter.” I’m told it’s fucked up to say because “Some people are dying to feel any other way! HOW DARE YOU WANT THAT BACK!!” Look at it from my point of view: when I didn’t have any purpose or motivation to exist, there was no stress about work, or school, or anything else; every problem just slipped away with my will to live. I could simply sink down into the darkness and embrace the silence. It’s different now that I’ve been “trying"again… It’s so much harder than before. It’s so fucking bright and loud!! but this time you’re not allowed to just walk away and cave in on yourself! You have to accept and acknowledge everything! And no matter how hard you try, you can no longer channel the familiar sanctuary that you’ve grown so accustomed to! You feel as though you don’t belong there, with the normal people, at all. After you’ve lived with the darkness for so long, can you ever truly return to the light? or will it always have those pieces of you, the ones that it took in the first place?
Thoughts I’ll never speak out loud.
(Sorry it’s so long, I’m awful at describing things so it takes me a while to do it)