“How many times?” My voice was low as I asked the dreaded question, the room once again too silent for anyone’s taste.
The mood had shifted completely, after the episode earlier, the tension had died down but there was still the constant stiffness lingering in the cool air as we sat opposite one another for the second time tonight.
This time however, my back was pressed uncomfortably against the bedroom wall, legs tucked into my chest as I rested my chin on my weakened knees.
Nick looked rough. His body was angled directly in front of my own as he rested his own body against the opposite wall. His long legs were spread in front of him lazily, it looked as though he had carelessly thrown himself into the position he was currently in; similar to a doll who had been tossed to the side and forgotten.
The moment we had shared earlier was very much over and much to my dismay, the hurt had come creeping back. I needed answers and I needed them now, before it got too painful.
“That was the only time - y/n, I swear” Nick’s voice was weak and his eyes were thickly lined with redness and dark circles, the Iris’s looking sad and lonely as they stared at me, empty.
I opened my mouth to ask another question, the words freezing in my mouth and becoming none existent.
Nick growled angrily from the other side,the anger being directed at himself rather than me. His hands were gripping his chocolate coloured hair tightly as he muttered curse words over and over - the sight causing my heart to tighten and break ever so slightly. It hurt me to see him this sad, ha how stupid of me.
“Why?” The word had flew out of my mouth before I could even think of asking it, the one question I had been avoiding had effortlessly left my lips and consequently rendered the both of us silent.
“Why?” Nick repeated the word to himself quietly a few times, each time the volume raising ever so slightly.
“I just- it was in the moment” he sighed deeply, staring deeply at me before continuing.
“It’s not a great reason - I know that, but it’s true. She had come onto me whilst we were talking about the scene and it all began to happen so fast” I nodded for him to continue, despite the pain slicing away at my heart as he talked about his encounter - I had asked for this.
“She started to lean into me and I did nothing - I should have god dammit, I know I should! She got the wrong idea and suddenly she was kissing me, I didn’t know what to do. She had pressed herself against the wall, her body clinging onto mine and I had no idea how to react, you walked in soon after before I had chance to get her off and that’s when hell broke loose” he finished his explanation, head hanging low as he played with his own fingers, avoiding my gaze.
I had no idea what to think. I knew he was mostly telling the truth, it wasn’t hard to see when he wasn’t; yet some things just didn’t add up to me. I couldn’t comprehend the situation fully, the hurt consuming me as I burned with anger inside, confusion clouding my thoughts.
“but you made no effort to get her off - to stop her from leaning in and getting the wrong idea? It doesn’t make sense! Just be honest! Is it me? I not good enough Nick? Just- please! please just tell me the truth” my voice had cracked and once again my tears leaked pathetically out of my eyes. I had let the pain consume me and push me over the edge, finally having enough.
“What!? How can you even think that! Y/N, look at me, please” Nick was now up close, his warm fingers gripping my chin and lining up our sight, gazes meeting.
“Don’t you ever think - for one second that you were or are not good enough for me, ever.” Nicks voice had turned hard, his eyes blazing with an emotion I couldn’t describe, the proximity of our bodies giving me a comfort I had longed for whilst he had been on the other side of the room, I’m so pathetic.
“I don’t want to fight you Nick and I don’t want to fight myself but what am I supposed to do,huh? I am desperately trying to cling onto this; to us, but I can’t seem to shake the ball of fire that’s slowly settling itself inside my chest and I certainly I can’t seem to pull the knife you lodged deeply in, out of my heart” Nick sucked in a sharp breath at my words, his own heart breaking in two as I crumbled before him.
“Our love is toxic Nick, but I cannot seem to let go of what we have - who we are, I’m in too deep” I was drowning, slowly and surely suffocating in the danger that was our love.
“Then don’t” Nicks voice echoed in my head as he pulled me closer, the feeling all to familiar as I basked in his warmth - what the hell am I going to do.
- - -
Okay so as requested, part two is here. It is so terrible so please, bare with me. It’s 5am and I am super tired so I apologise for any mistakes ahh
*Yes okay lets look for some shorts!* *Theres the book store* *I really like these shorts but I’m too lazy to try them on* *Oooo wheres the food* *Book stores?* *Ahh I am tired* *Why are there so many people* *Books* *CROWDS* *Ah yes there is the food* *I want to go home now* *Maybe I will buy some chocolate on the way out…*
In the end only manages to buy candy, a book or two, and maybe one shirt.
**There are two ways to say “Want.” =>depends on if
you are using a noun or a verb
1.] 자는한드폰을원합니다.= I want a cellphone
2.] 저는한드폰을받고싶습니다.=I want to get a cell phone.
differences in the two sentences is that the 1st one only uses a
2nd sentence uses a verb- “to get”
Want = Noun+ (을/를) 원합니다
want = Noun + (을/를) 원하지않습니다
*When you want
to express you want something, take the Noun, attach the object marker- then
*저는음식을원합니다.= I want food.
**저 (I or Me) 는(Topic Marker)음식
(Food) 을(Object Marker) 원합니다
* 저 는연필을원합니다.= I want a pencil.
**저(I or Me)는(Topic Marker)연필(Pencil) 을(Object Marker) 원합니다(want)
opposite(Don’t want)- expressed by using 원하지않습니다.
*저는야채를원하지않습니다.= I don’t want
**저(I or Me) 는 (Topic Marker)야채(vegetables) 를(object marker) 원하지않습니다(Don’t want)
*저는돈을원하지않습니다. 사랑을원합니다.= I don’t want
money. I want love. *저 (I or Me) 는(Topic Marker) 돈( Money) 을(Object Marker)원하지않습니다.(I don’t want). ((dropped the “I” because we’re still talking about “I”)) 사랑(love) 을(Object Marker) 원합니다
to” and “Don’t want to”
to= Verb Stem + 고싶습니다 *Don’t want to= Verb Stem + 고싶지않습니다.
*when you want to express that you want to “DO an action” take the VERB STEM and attach 고,
then add 싶습니다
what is this Verb Stem?? O_O
*Getting the Verb Stem is easy! ^_^
*Just take a verb and remove the 다 at
the end, and that is it, you have the Verb Stem =)
*^*^*^ verb stems are used
EVERYWHERE in Korean. So it’s good to remember this :D Examples: * 하다= 하 *벌다= 벌 *먹다= 먹
So, back to Want to and Not Wanting To now that we know
the Verb Stem:
want to eat fruits.
Marker) 과일=(fruits) 을=(object marker) 먹=(verb stem of to eat) 고싶습니다=(
*저는돈을벌고싶습니다.= I want to earn
marker) 돈=(Money) 을=(Money)
벌=(verb stem of to earn) 고싶습니다.= (want to)
don’t want to is: VERB STEM + 고싶지않습니다.
*저는야채를먹고싶지않습니다.= I don’t want to eat vegetables.
* 저는죽고싶지않습니다.= I don’t want to die.
* 저는웃고싶지않습니다.= I don’t want to laugh*.
mean either “laugh” or “smile” It can be translated for whichever fits the
Advanced Notes: This form (*Want to= Verb
Stem + 고싶습니다) can only be used for “I”
or “You” and cannot be used to mean “he or she”
*In Korean you can’t talk about the desires of another person directly.
*Although you can say “I want to go” or “you want to go” in Korean it is NOT
acceptable to say “he wants to go” or “She wants to go” w/this same form.
*SO remember, this form *Want to= Verb
Stem + 고싶습니다 is only for when talking about yourself
or someone you’re directly speaking to.
*&*Remember= If expressing you want to do something
use, Verb Stem + 고싶습니다, but if you want to express that you just WANT
something, use, Noun+ (을/를) 원합니다
Please Give Me:
* Noun + (을/를) 주세요.
*Say what you want, followed by the Object Marker, then add주세요.
Please give me money.
Please give me a hint.
Please give me a book.
**Culture Notes: 5% of Korean words are influenced from
foreign languages, specifically English ^^
**Reading the Conversation:
철수: 저는아르바이트를원합니다.= I
want a part time job.
want a part time job too.
==>Here in this convo we
have 저(I or Me) followed by 도.
means “I also, or Me too”
The Last Part of this Post
will be on two particles.
The Particle도 *도 takes
the place of 는 in
the above sentence
would be incorrect. When using the
particle도, it replaces whatever
particle was there before (if there was one) *도
is placed directly after a word
*도 means=> Also, Even, Too
*저도김치를좋아합니다.= I also like kimchi.
*저는김치도좋아합니다.=I like kimchi too.
*Notice how the meaning
changes by placing도in a
*도 emphasizes also, even, or
too, “ONLY” for the NOUN or PRONOUN it directly follows
also want a car.
*저는자동치도원합니다.= I want a car too.
**Because도 in this sentence is placed after car it
means, “I want a car, in addition to whatever else I may want.” And NOT I also
want a car like you do.
*the word car can be simply shortened to 차 but
know that 차
also means tea. It should only be shortened when the meaning is clear from the
works grammatically similar to도, in
that it comes after a noun. It
replaces whatever particle was there(if there was one) EXCEPT for the Object
Marker, which you may replace if you want to.
*저만좋아합니다.= Only I like tuna.
*저는참치만원합니다.= I only like tuna.
*^*Here w/o만 the
sentence would be 저는참치를원합니다.
*b/c it would normally use an Object Marker you could have also written it like
this저는참치만원합니다. =I only eat tuna.
**to keep it simple, feel free to remove whatever particle was there before
every time and you will be just fine
영희: 저도일하고싶지않습니다. 게임하고싶습니다.
= I also don’t want work. I want to
play games. 철수: 저도
= I also want to play games. But I
want to earn money too.
~*~*~*~*~ Until next time friends!
*Hope this was helpful. Once again please let me know if
I have made any mistakes/typos, I am not the best with typing in Korean yet. I
will type the Vocab for this note collection tomorrow ^^ If you have any
questions feel free to Ask me on here or hit me up on Kakao, NonEdibleHuman
Also, quick side note: I stopped doing breaking down every sentence, hopefully by now they should be easier to read? If they are still too confusing let me know. I will go back through and break the sentences down more simpler. ^_^ Fighting! :o]
The question took Eren by surprise, partially because it was coming from his Corporal, but mostly because said Corporal’s face was distorted in a strange mixture of trying-not-to-seem-curious, but-I-am-actually-quite-curious, but-it’s-really-none-of-my-business, and I-really-don’t-care-either-way-if-you-learned-or-not. One of Levi’s arm was slung over the back of the chair whilst his other hand hovered between table and lips, his attention having been diverted from his previous task of downing the fresh cup of Earl Grey.
It was, to be honest, a rather unflattering image of Corporal Levi, so endearingly unflattering that it brought a tug at Eren’s lips. Tiny and unbidden like the warmth that bloomed at the corners of his heart whenever he was around the older man. “There’s never been a reason to.”
“Ah,” Levi agreed as the cup resumed its transition to lips. He supposed there wouldn’t have been a reason for Eren or any of the young soldiers his age to have learned to dance. But even Levi - orphaned, street rat Levi - knew how to dance. There was something blasphemous about this, this barely adult boy not knowing how to do something so simple; something most young men his age knew how to do by fourteen.
And perhaps Eren sensed just that - that something was wrong and maybe he did something wrong - because he was fiddling with the ties of his shirt, eyes a darker shade of green when all there was, was the light of a few candles and the usual shine wasn’t present from said eyes because they were twisted with a confusion so intense that only Eren Jaeger could pull off.
auggg i dont care if I'm gonna be incredibly busy by then I want it to be december alreadyyyy
not because of Christmas, although that is a plus but because I JUST WANT THIS SEMESTER TO BE OVER I AM SO TIRED. LOL
how do normal functioning human beings like my dad and my friend’s dad wake up at like…5 in the morning everyday without wanting to die? LOL I don’t think I’d be nearly as worn out about this semester if it weren’t for this bus commute. @u@;;; where since I’m a natural night owl I usually don’t sleep during the night monday-wednesday and rely HEAVILY on naps in the student union. ha ha haaaa….-dies- XD
-goes back to panicking and writing this research paper…due…tuesday…along with the midterm…ughdfjhjkhdfjh- IMSOTIRED