i am so sorry this looks like shit

Things the Hogwarts Houses say

(loosely based on conversations I’ve had/overheard)

Hufflepuff -

  • “If you don’t start singing along to High School Musical with me in under 30 seconds you will no longer be my best friend" 
  •  "I swear on my chicken nuggets-”
  • “Yes I made that joke up by my self - no it’s not from Spongebob Squarepants how dARE YOU-”
  • “Speaking of Spongebob can we just take a few moments to discuss how much of a masterpiece that first movie was please”
  • “Ah yes, it’s 3 in the morning, time to get emotional and tell all my friends how much I love them”
  • “You made me chocolate??? Oh my God I love you so much thank you I’ll have some right no - THIS HAS RAISINS IN IT YOU TRICKED ME
  • “Oh my God yeah I saw that movie, my favourite part was when - oh shit wait there’s this adorable kitten video I meant to show you last week and I completely forgot let me get it up on my phone”
  • “Sorry I’m late I was up all night watching those videos where kids get surprised with puppies”
  • “Are you awake? Great, let’s start planning our future homes together, I have a pinterest board ready”
  • “This is my favourite photo album! It’s full of photos of all the cats and dogs I’ve made friends with on my walks, I’ve even given them all names”
  • (crying) “Stop calling me emotional God damn it”

Ravenclaw -

  •  "Of course I remember you said you liked the colour red, you told me at like 1:35 am last year in May"
  • “What? Simplifying equations? No, I can’t help with that but I do know all the words to every Simpsons episode in the first 5 seasons if that helps"
  • “Sorry I really can’t go out today. No I’m fine, I’m just stressed I’m doing something important. I’m trying to memorise all the words to this documentary about frogs - What? Yes of course it’s important!”
  • “I discovered and fully analysed that meme 3 weeks ago, step up your game”
  • “What do you mean why do I have a folder full of strategic plans on how to succeed at animal crossing, that’s not weird?”
  • “Sir, I don’t mean to be rude but I’ve been doing my own research and you’re getting all of this wrong. Well yes I know I’m not the teacher here but - Yes, actually, I’d love to teach the class my self I’ve already made a lesson plan, thank you”
  • No, I won’t come and see Jurassic World with you. Because it’s completely unrealistic! Do you have any idea what dinosaurs are actually supposed to have sounded and looked like? Even adult velociraptors weren’t meant to be that b - OK you know what, I will come, but I’ll be pointing out every single problem to you. No, it’s too late, you already invited me. I’m buying our tickets right now, don’t move”
  • “You really think you can beat me at Mario Kart? I have spent YEARS studying this game and honing my skills, spending hours upon hours training until my hands cramp and even my tv is judging the amount of time I’ve spent playing and you think YOU can beat me? Let’s fucking go
  • “I think these guys think I want to murder them because I followed them home but it’s only because I overheard them talking about what would happen if Pokemon is real and I wanted to see how good their logic was”
  • “Shut up? Shut up? I haven’t shut up for 17 years and I’m not about to start now”
  • (crying) "I just want Shakespeare’s ghost to be proud of me”

Gryffindor - 

  • “I’d love to have a sleepover but it can only be when there’s a thunderstorm so we can dance in the rain, let me check the weather forecast”
  • “Did that bee just try and sting you? COME BACK HERE BEE YOU COWARD I’M GONNA FUCK YOU UP - wait shit no run”
  • "What did you say? Don’t touch it? Alright.” (touches it as soon as the person turns away) “Sucker”
  • “Whaaat? Someone wrote on the desk? No it wasn’t me I would never do th - My name was there? Well, I’m not the only one in the world with my na - My surname was there too? What are the chances?!”
  • “Help me I started saying lmao ironically and I can’t stop”
  • “Before you say anything it wasn’t me - unless it was something awesome then I definitely planned the whole thing”
  • Excuse me? They said what to you? … I have to go for a second, I just remembered something completely unrelated. No, no, I’m not taking this fork with me for any particular reason”
  • “Um, did you just tell me it’s impossible to sing along to a guitar solo? Stand back. Your mind is about to get blown”
  • “I am so not drunk! I’m completely drunk! … Wait shit I meant sober”
  • “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU AAAH LET ME HUG YOU! I’M NOT LETTING GO FOR THE NEXT 3 HOURS, GET COMFORTABLE BITCH”
  • “I bet I can stay up for longer than you - what no I’m not tired shut up - nO THAT WASN’T A YAWN I WAS JUST SHOWING YOU WHAT IT WOULD LOOK LIKE IF I WAS TIRED - SEE I DID IT AGAIN TOTALLY ON PURPO - ok fuck you I’m going to sleep”

Slytherin - 

  • “Oh my God, just tell me what you did already so I can start complaining”
  • “Sorry, I didn’t catch that. Did you say STOP saying fuck, or KEEP ON saying fuck?”
  • “Over your dead body? I was hoping you’d say that”
  • “If you even LOOK at them one more time I will take a stick as big as your ego and stick it right up your-”
  • “Don’t come near me or - OK fine, we can snuggle for exactly 15 minutes. I’m setting a timer now”
  • “Hey, I saw you posted a picture of us on instagram yesterday where my eyeliner isn’t completely straight? You’re gonna have to delete that, if anyone thinks my eyeliner isn’t drop dead perfect every day and that I’m not a literal make up goddess I’ll lose my reputation as the Regina George of the school”
  • “But keep the one where I’m wearing no make up so that all those bitches know I still kill it without trying”
  • “Oh come on, you know I’d never do anything to embarrass you! Speaking of which, that video I posted on youtube the other day of you falling down the flight of escalators in the shopping centre has reached over 1000 views”
  • “My dad told me tattoos were trashy so I got a giant tattoo saying ‘trashy’ on my back I’ll send you his reaction later”
  • “I’m not a sentimental person but if you touch my teddy bear I will turn you into a stuffed trophy to put next to him”
  • “What do you mean I look smug this is my normal face”
RANDOM SENTENCE STARTERS

Following my AUs and Prompts List from a few months back, here is a compilation of my favorite sentence starters for all your writing needs.

Because most of them aren’t mine, credits are at the end.

SHORT

“Marry me.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“You are not going without me.”

“I can’t believe you!”

“I swear it won’t happen again.”

“What did you say?”

“I’m not jealous.”

"You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

“We can’t keep doing this.”

“Are you sure this is legal?”

“Isn’t this amazing?”

“I’m going to take care of you, okay?”

“Stay the night. Please.”

“You can’t die. Please don’t die.”

“Run away with me.”

“You did WHAT?”

“Quit whining.”

“Get outta my sight!”

“Why are you so annoying?”

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

"Never in a million years.”

“Don’t ask me that…”

“I might have had a few shots.”

“What’s with the box?”

“W- What are you doing?”

“Say it!”

“I could kiss you right now!”

“Are you done with that?”

“What’s going on here?”

“Stop pinning this on me! You started it!”

“It’s your fault we’re in this mess.”

“Did you do this on purpose?!”

“Kiss me.”

“Are you still awake..?”

“Excuse you?”

“This is all your fault!”

“I can’t believe you dragged me into this.”

“Don’t give me that look! It wasn’t my fault!”

“I shouldn’t be in love with you!”

“It’s not fair!”

“I could kill you right now!”

“Knock it off!”

“Screw you!”

“You’re a complete moron!”

“I love this song!”

“I can’t be in love with you!”

“Make me.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“I hate you.”

“You are infuriating!”

“Just shut up already.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Bite me.”

“Eat me.”

“Kiss my ass.”

“Just admit I’m right.”

“Just admit you’re wrong.”

“You are being ridiculous!”

“That’s irrational.”

“Listen to me!”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Don’t yell at me.”

“That’s it. End of discussion.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You shouldn’t have said that.”

“Fuck you!”

“Shut your mouth before I shut it for you.”

“How dare you?”

“I dare you!” 

“It’s you, it’s always been you.” 

“Well this is awkward…”

“Just pretend to be my date”.  

MISCELLANEOUS

“Are you really gonna leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?”

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”

“I just did some calculations, and I’ve been able to determine that you’re full of shit.”

“You know what I like most about people? Pets.”

“Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?”

“What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.”

“I don’t hate you.. I just don’t like that you exist.”

“Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.”

“Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.”

“Did you really just insult Captain America in front of me?”

“Can I touch your boob?”

“It’s not that you’re wrong, exactly, you’re just extremely not right.”

“You shouldn’t be trusted with small children, should you?”

“Give me cake or give me death.”

“On a scale from, ’I can sometimes make important phone calls without crying’ to ’I have a stable job with a steady income, a spouse who loves me, a dog, and two kids who are screwed up minimally at worst’, how much of an adult are you?”

“You think I’m dumb enough to fall for that stupid move?”

“Despite the cliche, it’s not me, it’s you.”

“Obviously you can’t tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you can’t.”

“No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care.”

“When you love someone, you just don’t stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Specially then!”

“If you’re not scared, then you’re not taking a chance. If you’re not taking a chance, then what the hell are we doing anyway?”

“I think I’ve been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again.”

“What have I told you about the toilet seat?”

“I tried to change the duvet and I got stuck inside.”

“I vote today to be a pajama day.”

“You have to tell me why were committing a felony before we do it. Not that that’s going to stop us, but at least I’ll have all the facts.”

“I don’t leave messages. If I wanted to talk to a machine, I’d talk to my VCR.”

“I can be flexible. As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.”

“You know we’re suppose to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you, and you know it, too. I know you do.”

“Those things you said yesterday… Did you mean them?”

“I’m not going to apologise for this. Not anymore.”

“What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.”

“I am NOT crying, okay?! I’m allergic to jerks!”

“This would not happen if I had a penis!”

“That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.”

“All nighter, you and me. First one to fall sleep buys the other dinner.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever played spin the bottle.”

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to touch your butt.”

“I’m ok, thank you. Just please, stop talking to me.”

“To the night you’ll never remember!”

“Excuse me, did the 12:15 bus come by already?”

“Could I sit here? All the other tables are full.”

“Are you meeting someone here? Because.. I think I’m that person.”

“You weren’t supposed to laugh! I’m so embarrassed!”

“It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”

“Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his/her cake hole.”

“I’m not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren’t even hot.”

“You better take care of that car or I swear I’ll haunt your ass!”

“This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.“

“It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.”

“I could do that, but could doesn’t mean would.”

“You cannot fathom the immensity of the fucks I don’t give.”

“You’re like, five feet tall. How you gonna reach me, shortie?”

"I recognize that you have reached a decision, but given that it is a stupid ass decision I have elected to ignore it”

“Do you need me to kill someone for you?”

“Look out where you’re going, asshole!”

“Fuck the sandwich guy!”

“I did not mean for stripping to come out of this.”

“The whole street is blocked off. The police won’t tell us anything, but I think there’s been some kind of attack… Maybe a bomb?”

“Oh my god, are you okay? I’m calling the police. I think I saw who did this to you.”

“I’m weird, you’re weird, we could have weird little babies and live weirdly ever after if it wasn’t for the fact I find you repulsive.”

“There is nothing wrong with planning a wedding with a video game character.”

“I’m gonna lay down and die for like half hour okay?”  

“There’s been some real friction in our friend group lately. I suggest an orgy to save our friendships.”

“It’s midnight, what do you want?”

“I think I know how to use a bed.”

“If I wake up in the morning and I’m dead… Wait.”

“You are completely unfit to handle a child.”

“We have to get out of this place. It is EVIL.”

“Don’t you dare throw that snowba-, goddammit!”

“When in doubt curl into the fetal position and give up on life.”

“It’s not a double date, we’re just third and forth wheeling.”

PREGNANCY

“I have something to tell you…”

“I think I’m pregnant.”

“I’m pregnant!”

“When were you going to tell me that you’re pregnant?”

“You’re smart and successful with an adorable belly.”

“$50 bucks says it’s a girl/boy.”

“Pregnancy suits you…”

“Hello little one. We can’t wait to meet you…”

“I’ll just be in the bathroom throwing my fucking guts up because our unborn kid wants to be a dick!”

“There’s someone I’d like you to meet…”

“Shh… He/she’s sleeping..”

“I have a special surprise for you. Close your eyes and follow me.”

“No, no, no, no, no, we aren’t ready… We aren’t ready for kids yet!”

“Oh, gosh, I felt it! I felt a kick!”

FLUFF

“Your hair is so soft…”

“You’re so cute when you pout like that!”

“Just relax, I’ll wash your hair for you.”

“I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

“What, does that feel good?”

“HA! I found a weak-spot on you, didn’t I?”

“Are you wearing my shirt?”

“You are ridiculously comfortable…”

“I’ve had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with…”

“You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this…”

“You’re beautiful, you know that?”

“We should get a puppy!”

STARGAZING

“Aren’t they beautiful?”

“These stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.”

“Shooting star, make a wish.”

“It’s actually a comet, but I’ll still make one.”

“Imagine if it could always be this way, even in the city.”

“Never thought something so beautiful could exist in nature…”

“Wouldn’t it be cool to name a star after yourself?”

“Y'know, your roof may not be the safest place for us to stargaze.”

“This is why you made me drive three hours out into the middle of nowhere?”

“Is that a– Wait, no, just an airplane.”

“I wouldn’t mind falling asleep out here.

FLIRTY/SUGGESTIVE/SEXUAL

“Did you just… finish?”

“They always make shower sex sound so appealing, but honestly, this is getting dangerous.”

“I’m not actually feeling anything.”

“Are you getting any closer?”

“Why do they make this look so easy in all those porn movies?! This hurts like fuck!”

“Did something just happen? You’re not turned on anymore.”

“Shit sorry, am I going too fast?”

“Wow, you’re hot.”

“Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

“Hey, I’m open minded.”

“Keep sweet-talking and this could go a whole new direction.”

“I think it’s about time we stop avoiding the obvious.”

“I’m gonna be honest with you. I’m really horny, and you’re really hot. Can we fuck? Like, now?”

“I see someone’s happy to see me.”

“I saw that. You just checked me out.”

“You know, when this is over, we should really have angry sex.”

“Take off your clothes.”

“Tell all those other guys/girls you don’t need them ‘cause you got me.”

“Don’t give me that face, it’s so cute I might not be able to hold back.”

“Boobs are really just squishy pillows.”

“If you don’t get turned on by having your neck kissed somethings wrong with you.”

“Blasphemy! Sex solves everything.”

“I platonically want to have sex with you. No big deal.”

TEXTS

[text]: What do you want now?

[text]: Do you want to bet on that?

[text]: Guess who just got back in town.

[text]: So I might be in a hospital right now…

[text]: We can’t keep doing this anymore!

[text]: Come on, come to the party!

[text]: Can you pick me up from the bar? Too drunk to drive.

[text]: You have no clue how I feel so shut up.

[text]: I call bullshit.

[text]: You thought you could get away with that, didn’t you?

[text] I gave up great shower sex to be here so don’t say I never did anything for our friendship.

[text] Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.

[text] Also, my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall.

[text] Who says no to sex and donuts?!

[text] I know what you did last summer…

Sources: x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

A Little Too Drunk Starters:
  • “Oh, HELL no! Not in MY bed!”
  • "We watched some horror movie.. I think it’s called, ‘the Teletubbies..’?”
  • “Pants are just an illusion.”
  • “Shut the fuck up a pikachu onesie does so suit me.”
  • “Hey, man, I hate to tell you this, but I think your dog’s cheating on you..”
  • “Hey, the cat crashed your car.”
  • “I thought today was your birthday, so I rented a bouncy house, but then I remembered it isn’t, so now we have a bouncy house.”
  • “It’s not a mattress, it’s my kingdom and you are encroaching on it.”
  • “[NAME]’s a VIP at that one strip club….. What’s it called again… 'Golden Corral’?”
  • “I’m bleeding?!”
  • “I have to tell you a secret…”
  • “You think it’s important that I lost my shirt?! You think it’s important?! I’LL TELL YOU WHAT’S IMPORTANT!!! CALLIOU CAN’T FUCKIN’ TIE HIS SHOES!!!”
  • “I need at least seven sweet and sour sauces or I’m fucked.”
  • “I was pretending to be a ninja and the blade of the knife just flew right off and broke the window.”
  • “Look, man, I didn’t mean to pee on you.”
  • “Thanks for letting me room with you… By the way, vodka makes me gassy.”  
  • “You want to go to Taco Bell?”
  • “I lost [NAME]. Have you seen them?”
  • “Wow, you look so much better when I’m drunk. You should try it more often.”
  • “I CAN’T SLEEP WITHOUT A LULLABY!!”
  • “Hello, 911? Are you still awake?”
  • “Jesus told me to do it.”
  • “I’m really sorry I’m so creepy everybody…”
  • "This is awful. I am inventing electricity, and you look like an asshole.”
  • “How many nutrients do you think there are in dog biscuits? I already ate, like five.”
  • “HOLY SHIT HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET SO TALL? WHAT THE FUCK?”
  • “Hamsters have feelings, too..”
  • “Who convinced me to come here?”
  • “The dog looked so lonely.. So I took it home.”
  • “I’LL PROTECT YOU! I’M BATMAN!”
  • “Look at all this snow. Imagine if it was sand, but still cold. No wait, warm snow. Man, that’d be cool..”
  • “You’re not very hot, but maybe after another beer or two..”
7

did some facial ref practice with the vento aureo gang also @ davidpro part 5 when????

Shit my wife has said to our cat, part 3

- I don’t trust you not to lose your mind, you little sociopath.

- You double assed bitch! (Then, to me) Sorry, but!! She’s on my pillow!!

- I am the queen of bitchdom and this is my liege, heiress to bitchdom.

- Were you spat out from the rain from an evil faerie realm??? One of these days we should give you back to the rain so you can return to your realm to rule.

- Don’t look at me like I committed a crime! You don’t know me!

- If you love a raccoon, we will support you. Have you been dumpster-diving? You’d be a great dad to six raccoons.

- I will love you no matter what pain you cause me. I have had a long and difficult life and kitty nails do not matter to me.

- Ohhhh my gosh, look at your fluffy butt! You brought it with you!!!!

- You look like you’re about to go supernova and consume my face. No face consumption! Let alone from a dying star.

- (Miss Kitty stretches out her paw) Look at this idiot! You reach for things you cannot manage! You’re halfway to the moooooon! Claw your way through space!

- May flights of angels sing thee to thy rest, you tiny fluffy bitch.

- Is this how you’re gonna be? You moldy bread slice.

- You’re fluffy, like you’re made of dreams, but actually you were wrung from the nightmares of a man who has seen too much.

- Can I help you, Miss Kitty? I don’t think I can. I think you’re beyond help.

Part 1 | Part 2

Spiders With Books || Peter Parker Imagine

Pairing: Peter Parker x female!reader

Word Count: 1345 words

Request: can u do a peter parker/spider man imagine where the reader is a nerdy girl whos nose is always in a book and one day shes talking with her friends about spiderman and they run into each other or smth and the cute books falling thing happens and peter does everything he can to flirt with her and ask her out

No spoilers (i don’t think there are spoilers)

AN: I don’t think I proof read this very well

Originally posted by koenigreus


The bell rang to signal the next class. Everyone in ​Y/N’s class stood up and rushed to the hallways, but Y/N got up slowly, too focused with the book in her hands. She picked up the rest of her books that were on her desk, holding them against her hip and headed towards the door. She finished the page she was on before focusing on the hurdle of bodies in the hallway.

Y/N reached her locker, her friend already standing there waiting for her. “Hey Y/N. How was history?” Michelle asked. Y/N shrugged her shoulders, “Same as usual, I guess. I finished my work early so I had time to get farther in my book.” Michelle chuckled, making Y/N give her a questionable look.

“Which one?” Her friend questioned, pointing to the set of books in Y/N’s arms.

She smiled, wiggling one of the books in her hand, with a smile on her face. She then went on and gave her a non spoiler review of the book, in case she wanted to read it. Y/N opened her locker to place her history textbook inside. “So,” Michelle started, “have you seen that video of Spider-Man on YouTube?”

Y/N raised a brow while she grabbed a few notebooks and a couple more books to carry and read through out the day, “Well, I don’t know which one you’re talking about but, I probably have.” She scoffed at herself, slamming her locker shut and moving to walk to lunch.

“Of course you have. Because you can’t have a crush on someone and NOT stalk them,even if nobody knows what they look like.” Michelle said sarcastically, watching the people in front of her bolt to their next class. Y/N lightly shoved her friend, stopping in the middle of the hallway.

Michelle stopped a few steps in front of her, “What?” She asked bluntly. The number of people in the hallway faded out, but the pair took their time to get to lunch.

“I,I don’t have a crush on Spider-Man.” Y/N scoffed trying to defend herself. Michelle rolled her eyes, “You’re kidding, right? You are totally are in love with him, you never stop talking about him. He’s the only guy I ever hear you talk about, besides Pe-he who shall not be named.“she corrected herself, remembering their code name, "You’re crazy about him.”

Y/N sighed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. But how could I not like him?” She muttered biting her lip. “I’m gathering that this is no longer about Queens’ web slinger?” Michelle questioned. Y/N looked down, nodding her head.

Y/N’s friend sighed, “If it makes you feel better, I saw him staring at you at the Academic Decathlon team meeting yesterday.”

Y/N crinkled her nose in disbelief, “Really? Everyone knows that he liked Liz, so why wasn’t he staring at her?” Maybe there was something on my face or my clothes looked odd to him. She didn’t want to get her hopes up. Michelle nodded her head, “But he was staring for a really long time. Besides I don’t think he likes her anymore though. ”

Before the conversation could continue, the two rounded a corner but, Y/N was met with the back of Peter Parker. “What are you-Oh shit,” He said as he turned around to see all of her books fall.

“I am so sorry, my friend kind of bumped into me.” He apologized emphasizing the second half of the sentence while glaring at Ned, moving to the ground to grab her books. “Oh hey guys,” Peter’s best friend Ned said to the two girls, giving them a quick wave.

“I’m gonna meet you at lunch. See ya later Y/N,” Michelle states walking away as the bell rang,“You too Peter.” She said giving him a mock solute. Unbeknownst to Y/N and Peter, Michelle gave Ned a look, silently telling him to come with her. He scratched the back of his head, “I’ll just head off with Michelle.”

Y/N moved down to the floor with Peter, to pick up her books. “I’m sorry, I’m just so clumsy.” She said, shaking her head and laughing at herself. Y/N avoided eye contact at all cost, a blush appearing on her cheeks. Peter looked up at her, pausing his actions.

“It’s cute.” Peter said boldly, shocking himself. Peter had a couple of her books in his hand while she had the others. “You have a really good taste in books.” He said, standing up from the floor and then grabbing her arm to help her up after him.

“Thanks,” Y/N said, a small smile on her face. Peter still hasn’t let go of her arm and when she looked at his hand, he immediately pulled it away. He cleared his throat, before speaking to the girl.

“M-Maybe you can give me some book suggestions sometime.” He stuttered out. She stood there with wide eyes shocked, was he trying to ask her out.

“Or, maybe not. Maybe you don’t want to talk to me. I’ll just, ummm, I’ll leave.” He cursed himself, turning around to walk away. “Wait, Peter.” Y/N grabbed his arm and he spun around.

“I do have a couple books in mind.” Y/N said with a side smile. Peter smiled widely at the girl, handing her books back to her.


Peter’s point of view

“How did that robbery go last night?” Ned asked Peter as the two walked to Peter’s locker. The two boys had lunch next period and Peter didn’t want to carry anymore heavy textbooks in his backpack anymore (despite having super strength). “It was awesome. I beat their asses.” Peter said enthusiastically, but got quiet when he realized that they were still in school.

Peter and Ned were just about to round a corner when they heard two other people talking in the hall. Michelle and Y/N talking about Spider-Man. Peter was about to walk when Ned pulled him back, “Dude what the heck?” Peter said, looking at Ned like he was crazy.

“Hear me out, we might be able to eavesdrop on them. See how much she likes Spider-Man.”

Peter gave his best friend a look, debating whether or not this was a good idea. He pressed his back against the wall, “Only because I trust you Ned.”

The two heard a voice say offended, “I-I don’t have a crush on Spider-Man,”

Peter looked at his friend with hunched shoulders, “What did I tell you?” He whispered. Ned was about to say something when they heard their friend Michelle start to speak, “You’re kidding, right? You are totally are in love with him, you never stop talking about him-”

Peter turned to his friend shocked. Ned only smirked, “Maybe this was a good idea, she has the hots for Spider-Man dude.” They focused back onto the conversation the two girls were having, but they heard the subject change. “ I saw him staring at you at the Academic Decathlon team meeting yesterday.”

Peter stood there, shocked yet again, “Oh, no, oh lord.” He said, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“Weren’t you staring at her at the meet- ohhhhhhh,” Ned concluded, realizing they were now talking about Peter.

“Really? Everyone knows that he liked Liz, so why wasn’t he staring at her?” Y/N stated, kind of surprised at her friends statement.

“Dude, I think she likes you."Ned whispered. Peter glanced at his friend, thinking about how unreal it would be if she liked him. "And I’m sorry bro.” Ned finished.

Peter moved a step away from the wall, tilting his head, confused at his friend’s statement. “What are you-Oh shit.” He started but couldn’t end the question due to Ned shoving him backwards towards the girl he liked.

Part Two

PSA about women walking alone at night

Hey, everyone! I was walking home late last night and I just felt like I needed to say some stuff. Yes, it is inspired by true events.

Dudes, let me give you some advice on how to interact with women walking alone late at night. This advice is intended to help you make them feel comfortable and safe from…yeah, you. And also for you to avoid getting your dick kicked into your chest cavity. My females, I’m putting out some tips that I learned from my daddy (who was a cop) that have helped make me feel safer while walking home. (Obviously subject to editing if people have some reliable source they’d like to share that contradicts what I’ve said. It’s about being safe, after all).

My dudes…

If you see a woman walking alone late at night, don’t walk behind her. If you’re going the same way as her, try crossing to the other side of the street, or making it really clear you are not paying any attention to her. If she looks back at you, politely say that you are keeping your distance and wish her a good night. If she stops to let you walk by her, it’s not an insult. It’s for her safety, because she has been trained not to trust men late at night. She is protecting her six, and if you’re a decent guy, you will let her. Don’t ask a woman you see walking late at night for a cigarette, a dollar, or to use her phone. Don’t say shit to her unless it’s to tell her to have a good night and be safe. If you see a woman being harassed, loudly offer to call the police, or just go ahead and do so. Don’t offer to walk her home, because that’s a familiar line and will put her instantly on the defensive. Instead, ask her if you can call her a taxi or contact a friend. If a woman gives you a dirty look when she’s walking home at 2 AM, please don’t call her a bitch. She’s protecting herself, and if you think she has that right, then just take it with an understanding nod, instead of acting like a fucking baby. If you’re a professional driver, don’t follow beside her slowly, like you’re casing her. If she needs a cab, she will make that obvious. If you’re a bouncer, and she is leaving your protection, give her advice on the safest ways to walk. If a woman asks for your help, and you consent to giving it to her, please be respectful of boundaries and make it clear you are not helping her for any reason other than to make sure she is safe.

Women…

Firstly, I know how fucking obnoxious it is to have to tailor your entire life to the sexual urges of predators. I know you just want to say “Screw this” sometimes and go out for a walk because why should you have to stay cooped up? I also know that sometimes, you can’t help it. Sometimes your ride ditches you and you don’t have cab fare. i am not going to lecture you, because you know what you’re doing.

So maybe instead I can give you some things you maybe haven’t thought of before.

1) Take off your high heels. If that grosses you out and you don’t want to carry spare shoes, carry a pair of socks in your purse (or your bra. Come on, they make great hoists) and wear them over your bare feet. I’ve seen those little rubber shoe things too, that look like flats…those are dope.

2) Avoid dark places. Even if it means you have to walk a little out of the way. You need to be able to see everything around your for at least a hundred feet, because a man can clear 100 feet at a dead run, very quickly.

3) Always look around, constantly. Predators want an easy mark, and if you’re paying attention, you cannot be an easy mark.

4) Pass by as many ATM’s as possible and look directly at them. They have continual activity on their cameras, so if you are snatched, the police can document your movements.

5) Only carry cards. If the place you’re going only takes cash, then have a specific amount and no more than that. The idea is to minimize incentives to rob you. If a man approaches you to rob you, and you have nothing to give him, he will likely leave at once, because he is usually nervous and doesn’t want to be identified, so be prepared to empty that bag out on the road and show him you have no valuables.

6) Should you have a weapon? Only if you know how to use them and are willing to do so, otherwise they end up being taken from you and used on you. Long range weapons like pepper spray are better.

7) Don’t talk on your cellphone in the standard way. I know you think that it’s a good idea, but the fact is, it distracts you and holding it can block your line of sight. A man can grab you and smash it and no one can track you. Instead, put it on speaker, tuck it in a pocket, and give constant location updates, if you feel threatened. Or prearrange a text appointment with someone who can call authorities if you don’t reply.

8) No music. Do not be that girl, walking in the dark, with her phone on a loud song to take her mind off the scariness of it. Music draws attention to you and distracts you. It can also mask noises of a confrontation.

9) If a man walks behind you, you have two options. You can put your back to a wall and allow him to pass by you, or you can cross the street. If he follows, find a public place immediately. If this isn’t possible, the fact is, he’s a threat. If it were me, I’d look him right in the eye and make sure he can see that I’m willing to kill. Don’t ignore a threat, and ladies, walking alone at 2 am means every man is a potential threat. Run, if you feel threatened. Who the fuck cares if he isn’t “actually a bad guy” or thinks it’s weird? Just ask yourself, “What if he is a bad guy?”

10) Be willing to drop everything in your hands. If there’s something you don’t want to leave in the street, shove it in your bra or your pocket.

11) There’s a lot of debate about how to deal with an attacker if it does happen. Some say to do what you’re told, and some say to fight like hell. I can’t make that decision for you, but you have to be aware, and try and understand the attacker. Ask questions. If you think they aren’t listening…it’s up to you. Personally, a guy better not try to put his dick in my mouth, because I will bite it the fuck off and see what happens, but thats me. Don’t go with him. If he has a weapon, then he is willing to kill you. So make the choice. If you go with him, you stand a much higher risk of never coming back, because in solitude, with no threat of discovery, he can do whatever he wants. If he wants you to leave where you are, it means that place is safer, so stay in that place.

12) Do learn self defense. If a man can hit you once, he can win. Learn how not to get hit. Learn how to get out of suppression holds. Learn what to do if grabbed from behind.

13) Minimize physical risk. Take off all jewelry, Ponytails are just convenient handles. (I had a friend get grabbed from behind by her ponytail and lifted off the ground, with a knife to her throat. She couldn’t get free because he had all her hair in one hand. Hair is VERY strong. So take your hair down, because if he can only get a handful, you can usually tear free, but if he has all of it, you can’t go anywhere.) Same with loose clothing or clothes with strings. Keys are weapons, rings are weapons. High heeled shoes can kill a man.

14) The cops will not be angry with you if you call them because you feel threatened, and it turns out nothing is wrong. They just won’t. In fact, I can think of at least ten famous cases where a woman called the cops because she was being followed and it turned out the guy was like some horrible rapist or murderer they finally caught.

15) You have the right to defend yourself. Better to be alive and dealing with assault charges than dead in a gutter.

One time I flipped a jogger upside down because he came up behind me really fast while I was walking home from work at midnight. He laid on his back looking up at me like “WTF DID I DO” and I just said to him, “Hey man, I am really sorry, but you scared the shit outta me.” And helped him up. 

And you know what? He was totally cool about it. Said he completely understood and asked me what martial art that was. I told him it was Aikido and then offered to pay his cleaning or medical later if he needed it. He shook his head and goes, “No, ma’am, we’re good.” and jogged on. 

I’m not telling you that so that you kick every man you see at night in the balls. Men have to walk home at night sometimes, same as us. I’m telling you that because women have been taught they have no right to be fierce. And they absolutely do. It’s better to defend yourself first and ask questions later, to run first and feel silly later, to strip down or button up first and let loose later.

Be safe. Women, be smart. And dudes…don’t take this personally. If you agree that women should be equals, then treat them with respect.

BTS reaction to you touching them in sleep

BTS reaction - you having a wet dream and touching them in sleep

Namjoon

Namjoon’d think he’s dreaming at first, but after a few moments he’d wake up and find your hand in his boxers. He’d laugh at first, but then wake you up and move your hand.

“Are you serious?”

Originally posted by myloveseokjin

Jin

He’d wake up immediately because your hands are cold. Moving your hand away quickly he’d prepare to yell at you because he had a lot of work to do in the morning. But after seeing that you’re asleep, he’d just laugh and hug you.

“I can’t believe you.”

Originally posted by gotbangboys

Yoongi

Yoongi would let you do it just to see how far you will go. But after getting him hot and bothered, he’d stop you. After making sure you’re not moving anymore, he’d kiss your cheek and go to sleep with a chuckle.

“How do you even do that?”

Originally posted by j2asndh

Hoseok

Feeling something touching him, he’d twitch a bit. Accidently letting out a moan and waking up, he’d see your hand in his boxers. Hoseok would breathe out slowly and remove your hand.

“I love you, but you have to stop.”

Originally posted by yourpinkpill

Jimin

Jimin wouldn’t even try to stop the moans. He wouldn’t say anything at first, but after seeing that he can’t take it anymore, he’d wake you up and shyly ask you to finish.

“I can’t fall asleep like this.”

Originally posted by senpai-sisters

Taehyung

This dork would touch you too, just to tease you. After finally waking you up and giving you time to realize what is happening, he’d move his hand. His laugh would fill the room. He’d kiss your forehead and cover you with the blanket.

“Why am I like this? You started!”

Originally posted by we-have-kookies

Jungkook

He would think he’s dreaming, until he feels warm liquid in his boxers. Opening his eyes immediately, he gulps and looks at you. Taking your hand away from him and cleaning it with a tissue, he’d blush and cover his head with blankets.

“I can’t believe this.”

Originally posted by myjaebutt




-



You thought this will be some smutty shit but no sorry heh

Anyway, be4 saying anything in the comments, I know Jungkook is an adult and he isn’t so shy anymore but for me he’ll always be a shy baby. We all know how he gets shy around girl so yeh. Leave a comment with your opinion pls (:

Send me reaction and text requests ((:

BTS reaction to you kissing them by accident and confessing.

Request:  You accidentally kiss one of the boys and you’re both flustered and he tries to brush it off but you confess, then and there.

SEOKJIN

Jin would give you a cocky smile and talk about how irresistible he was. Once you confessed your feelings and told him you really liked him, he would smile sheepishly and confess his feelings. He would take your hand into his and ask you out on a date “I just need you and food to have a good time. And please use that strawberry chapstick, it smells so good, I will finally be able to taste it” He would peck your lips repeatedly and when he heard you whine he would press his lips on yours for a real kiss.

Originally posted by bwiseoks

YOONGI

Yoongi would look at you with a persistent smirk on his face. He would kiss you back and the little shit would have added tongue if it wasn’t because you pulled away first.
“I’m so sorry Yoongi that was an accident”
“It’s okay, don’t worry” he would nod licking his lips
“Even tho, I really wouldn’t mind kissing you again. I like you, a lot.”
“fuck, thank god because I like you too and I really wanted to kiss you again” He would wrap his arms around you and pull you into another kiss which would be followed by another and another and another….

Originally posted by kyoto-bay

HOSEOK

Hoseok would pull away as soon as your lips touched his. He would look at you worried and shake his head repeatedly “This is not okay. You can’t kiss me if you don’t like me”
“but I do like you hobi” you would look at him frowning “I like you a lot, but you need to know that kiss was an accident”
“Really? You like me?” Hoseok would bite on his bottom lip nervously “So can I kiss you? If you want we can call it an accident just let me kiss you please?” You would laugh and wrap your arms around his neck as you leaned up to kiss him.

Originally posted by aestheticvbts


NAMJOON
When you pulled away, you were quick to hide your face on the crook of his neck, your face, and neck a shade of red because how embarrassed you were.
“You’re so dramatic babydoll, it’s only a kiss, it’s nothing” he slowly placed his hands on your hips and rubbed them with his thumbs
“It’s only a kiss for you.” You sighed “I won’t be able to stop thinking about how it feels to kiss the guy I like” You moved closer, clinging to his neck, trying to hide from the embarrassment.
“You don’t have to think about it when I’m willing to kiss you over and over again” Namjoon pulled away slowly and placed his hands on your shoulders “You only have to ask babydoll, you know I’d do anything for you because I like you. I like you a lot” Namjoon pulled you in for a quick kiss that slowly turned into a make out session.

Originally posted by choke-me-namjoon


JIMIN
You would pull away frowning and get confused when he looked at you with a smile on his face. “I’m so sorry it was an accident, you weren’t supposed to move, you said you wanted me to kiss your nose”
“I’m sorry I felt like sneezing and my lips landed on yours” he would smile sheepishly
“Shit, I kissed the guy I like, how am I supposed to move on now?” You curse yourself the moment those words escaped your lips. You were quick to look up to see his reaction.
“about damn time, I can’t believe you only needed a fake accident to confess”
“you planned the kiss didn’t you?”
“You were taking so long to confess and I didn’t wanna embarrass myself so this was the best way to do it” He smiled and moved closer placing his hands on your waist “plus if I was wrong and you reject me at least I would have gotten a kiss out of it” You would roll your eyes and laugh when Jimin leaned down to kiss your neck “Moving fast I see” He would shrug and pull you closer while nibbling softly on your neck.

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin


TAEHYUNG
Taehyung would try to play it cool and tease you about it, saying how much you liked him and that he warned you at the beginning about falling in love with him “Careful, I’m an adorable guy, everyone ends up falling in love with me, even Jungkook” At that time you rolled your eyes and chuckled but now your face went pale and you kept biting your lip nervously “Are you okay y/n” Taehyung looked at you worried while cupping your cheeks “I’m sorry Taehyung, I should I have told you before, I did fall for you” Taehyung looked at you fondly and moved closer “It’s okay baby, I was kidding, I like you too. You should have warned me about your powers too” He chuckled and slowly leaned in for another kiss “Now for the official one that will make you mine” You felt yourself smile against his lips as he kisses you.

Originally posted by sugaa


JUNGKOOK

This boy right here would be too shook to even kiss you back. You would get anxious and pull away quickly to find him staring at you with wide eyes “I’m so sorry, shit. You had this thing on your cheek and I was going to take it off then you turned your face and that happened” You would look at him ashamed expecting an answer but he would freeze in his spot “Shit shit I’m so sorry Jungkook, I been rejected without even confessing” You sighed looking at him and apologized again “What do you mean rejected? I didn’t reject you” he frowned
“But you weren’t kissing me back and you didn’t move and I’m so sorry jungkook please don’t be mad”
Jungkook would place his hands on your shoulders to calm you down “First, calm down, I’m not mad, I’m not rejecting you. I really like you” you thought he was kidding until you looked at him, he had a serious expression and a shy smile made his way into his lips “Now I’m going to kiss you so please kiss me back, don’t reject me” He chuckled as he leaned down to capture your lips in a kiss.

Originally posted by yourpinkpill

Masterlist - Updated 30/4/17

Originally posted by sebastiansource

- read my masterlist here . Please come and let me know your favourites -

Series

Training With Bucky - A series of connected one shots of what’s like to train with Bucky Barnes based off these headcanons here - Part 1

Ficmas - A series of christmas drabbles - Masterlist

Daddy Drabbles - A series of drabbles which detail the adventures of our favourite characters as fathers - Masterlist

100 Kinks - 100 kinky drabbles to celebrate Bucky’s 100th birthday (smut)

Front Line Love - Reader a nurse during WW2 finds herself at the same camp as Bucky. - Part 1, Part 2 (smut)

Riding in cars with boys - A smutty drabble series featuring all our favourite Sebastian Stan characters in cars, so come along for the ride. - Part 1: Carter

Bucky x Reader- Prompt drabbles

“I’m tired of being your secret”/“Sometimes, there is nothing better than some good old-fashioned, no string attached fucking” (SMUT)

“Will you just tell me the truth?”

“You don’t need to protect me”/“Didn’t realise I needed your permission”

“I think you’ll be happy to know that I’m not wearing any underwear.”

“I remember practicing how to ask you out in the mirror..”

Bucky + knives + dirty talk (SMUT)

Under the table at black tie gala (SMUT")

“It’s Christmas, don’t be mad at me.”

“Welcome to fatherhood”

“Stop being so cute”

“How is my wife more badass than me?”

“I’m not buying IKEA furniture again.”

Keep reading

hi, i am back with merman!jimin. SWAMP MERMAN IS MY SHIT

also flat brushes are nice to do digitally bc it easy but someone teach me to paint with round brush pls, i am so bad at this

some of my favorite pics of lee donghyuck

author’s note: this pic set includes:

cute hyuck, candid hyuck, rude hyuck, boyfriend hyuck and pre-debut hyuck! (plus, captions expressed by yours truly)

// putting this under a “keep reading” bcuz its hella long srz no I’m not lmao //

Keep reading

the waiting game

Lardo’s already setting up the camera when Nursey walks in to the room, and he sees her jump a little when he asks, “Alright, Lards, where do you want me?”

“On the stool there, just make yourself comfortable,” Lardo answers, waving her hand towards the stool in the middle of the room as she adjusts the camera on the tripod.

“So what is this about anyway?” he asks, trying to decide whether or not to cross his legs.

“It’s this project for my multimedia class, but I’m trying to go a little weird and experimental with it, so we’re going to do some word association if that’s cool?”

“Totally chill, brah, whenever you’re ready,” Nursey grins, looking straight into the camera.

Keep reading

My Death Note 2017 Commentary

As you can probably guess, spoilers ahead so don’t read if you wanna watch it! (Also, I’m gonna compare to the anime since, y’know, that’s what it’s based on.)·

  • Light’s screams when Ryuk first shows up.  Oh my god I burst out laughing.  Admittedly, that’s how someone would/should react in that situation but still, compared to anime Light, so very very dramatic.·         
  • So, I can kill him in any way possible huh?  DECAPITATION BITCHES.  (Also, wow, gory much?)·         
  • To Ryuk – ‘Your fingers are huge.”  Yes because that’s really what’s important here Light. ·         
  • “You don’t wanna know.”  2 seconds later.  “So basically I kill people lol watch this.”·        
  • Yeah let’s totally make out and have sex on the death note.  So romantic.
  • “Can I kiss you?”  “Lol, what, don’t ask.”  Oh, sorry Mia, is consent not sexy enough for you?·         
  • “You were gonna kill me if I took the book?!”  Am I supposed to feel bad for you?  Because I really don’t. ·         
  • “SING TO ME WATARI”·         
  • L’s love for Watari is actually pretty cute.·        
  • Watari deserved better 2k17·         
  • Light’s dad deserved better 2k17·         
  • Also, I don’t mind L having more emotions and shit (or, at least, making them more obvious) but dude looked like he was about to cry throughout the whole thing.  He needed more sugar.·
  • Ah yes, Light would totally pull faces in a picture (Light Yagami is turning in his grave)         
  • “I do love you….but I have written your name in the death note.  ;D”·         “GET ME MY FUCKING DEATH NOTE”  ·         
  • The chase scene with Light and L – they ain’t afraid to fuck shit up·         
  • Also, the guy who hits L on the back of the head – really??? Are we in a cartoon???·         
  • Light’s whole plan of killing Mia and getting the death note back – ahhhh there’s the Light I know and love to hate·         
  • Go on L, kill the guy, looks like he’s basically asking for it·         
  • Ryuk – “Lol, humans are funny.  Am I right audience?…Can i have more apples.” (I am convinced Ryuk didn’t kill Light just because he wanted apples.)

@disney if kylo ren isn’t canonically in love w/ rey then you seriously messed up because you

  • wrote him so he acts completely illogically whenever Rey is present; stopping to carry her in his arms through a battlefield so he can’t defend himself, waiting for her to wake up so he can talk to her instead of just yanking the info from her unconscious mind, unmasking himself for no reason other than her implying she thinks he’s monstrous while he wears it, walking toward where she was unconscious in the middle of a goddamn fight with Finn for no apparent reason, not shoving her off of a cliff when he had the chance
  • had him completely trash Finn and Poe when in confrontations with them but then not leave a single scratch on Rey
  • HEY! HEY KYLO! REMEMBER YOUR SABER LOCK WITH FINN WHERE YOU BURNED HIM WITH THE CROSSGAURD? WHY DIDN’T YOU USE THAT WHEN YOU GOT INTO A LOCK WITH REY? WHY DIDN’T YOU PUNCH HER IN THE FACE LIKE YOU DID TO FINN? WHY
  • made them have similar goals and flaws as characters beyond what is typically expected for a protagonist/antagonist dynamic
  • cast a guy who makes doe eyes at her instead of murder death kill eyes like you would expect to see from the main antagonist like oh my god even in the saberlock he’s just looking at her with determination instead of hostility
  • again can i just.
  • the eyes
  • look at the way he looks at her

am i just imagining things? maybe. but man if i am i feel like i have plenty of reasons to do so based on all the shit kylo does (or in some cases doesn’t do)

anonymous asked:

So there's this post going around st*ny circles that basically says as a "burn", oh everyone's comparing Steve Trevor to Steve Rogers but "at least Trevor was a real captain" and lmfao what the fuck, do these morons not realize Cap is an actual fucking captain as well. It's not a fucking ~title~ or stage name, it's his goddamn rank, he's O-3 and he earned it because THAT IS HOW WARTIME PROMOTIONS WENT jfc. Ugh. Sorry for the impromptu rant in your inbox, I'm just fed up with this ignorant shit.

I’d be pissed along with you (normally I am whenever I encounter Steve hate) but I’m too amused at their ignorance. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face! LOL! When you try so hard to be a hater, but end up looking like an idiot because you got your facts so incredibly wrong.

In other words, you are 100% correct, Anon, and the people who made and are reblogging that post are 100% wrong. Steve was a legit Captain.

Rank insignia for army officers, including the rank of Captain…

Steve Rogers in full army dress uniform circa Captain America: First Avenger

It’s called a field promotion or battlefield promotion. And when you skip a rank it’s called a jump-step promotion. Very common during WW1 and WW2, in fact, very common right up to the Vietnam War when such commissions were replaced by a centralized promotion system. 

According to the army website: “Battlefield promotions are predicated on extraordinary performance of duties while serving in combat or under combat conditions.”

Which is how Steve was awarded the promotion.

More on the practice of battlefield commissions: “A battlefield commission is awarded to enlisted soldiers who are promoted to the rank of commissioned officer for outstanding leadership on the field of battle. The granting of a battlefield commission has its historical predecessor in the medieval practice of the knighting or ennoblement of a plebeian combatant on the battleground for demonstration of heroic qualities in an exceptional degree.”

You know what the irony of this situation is? Years ago, circa 2009, a movie came out featuring a young soon-to-be Captain who was promoted in a very similar fashion to the way Steve Rogers was promoted by the end of the movie, i.e. skipping rank to be granted the commission of Captain after leading a courageous mission against a serious threat. That character was James T. Kirk, who, incidentally, was played by Chris Pine. And I once defended Kirk’s promotion in a similar way to the way I’m defending Steve’s rank now, as Kirk, like Rogers, is one of my all-time favorite characters.

I think I must be destined to a life of defending young Captains played by actors named Chris from imbeciles who don’t bother to check their facts before making ridiculous posts. :D

underappreciated things from twisted: the untold story of a royal vizier
    • the entire scene of jeff blim reenacting two separate personalities from twisted, but especially the callback to “you live here?” “i’m squattin’ here” where he’s “but i live here” “NOOOOOOOO you’re just squattin’ here”
  • joe walker’s Royal Vizier makeup, specifically the lipstick damn it’s good
  • the way that dylan says “a song is often a prelude…………… to a DIACK
  • robert manion, just in general. the one hit wonder that i fell in love with throughout the course of the musical
  • jim pavolo!!! i love him so much??? that deep voice can straight up eviscerate me and i would say thank you and sorry for inconveniencing him
  • the way that they say “totties” i’m just screeching it’s so cute and also hilarious
    • in the same vein, the little gestures that jeff does when he’s explaining about the princess
  • SHOW ME YOUR MAGIC CARPET
  • in the opening number when lauren asks “why is every one in the kingdom white” and jeff in the background just “mostly welsh actually”
  • “they’re stretch marks. they happen.”
  • he fucked a tigerrrrrrrrrr~
  • joe’s little “what” after they call him a tiger fucker for the last time
  • “usually when you poison my wine it means you wanna talk what’s up are you mad at me”
  • rachael forgetting aladdin’s name and spelling it wrong because that’s the cutest shit ever i’m sobbing
  • mrs. robinson you’re trying to seduce me.
  • “this wouldn’t have happened if you’d fixed the socio-economic inequality like you’d promised, ja’far”
  • dylan’s face after jim walks in after a song is a dick in sheep’s clothing
  • It is you, you’re just wearing different clothes.
  • how fucking attractive jeff blim is, i’m actually screeching he’s a hot boy
  • take off your clothes
  • I’M GONNA LIVE FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
  • robert doing the wooshy noises of the carpet
  • “do you think ja’far could be right about aladdin?” (multiple yes answers, cameraman nods)
  • one person in the crowd says “i don’t think so”
  • “ME NEITHER!”
  • hey where do hippopotamuses come from? “africa” SEE YOU’D FUCKING KNOW THAT YOU SORCERER
  • it’s simple chemistry
  • aU cOnTrAiRe
  • demONIC FURNITURE
  • i only wished to have a COAT made out of PUPPIES
    • why would you do that?!?!?!?!??!?!?!
    • that’s insane! that’s insane.
    • denise’s little “but. but the puppy coat. the puppy coat”
  • Oh. Didn’t my tiger eat your ass? (beat) TIGER FUCKER TIGER FUCKER TIGER FUCKER
  • bring achmed his tiger and nobody gets hurt-
    • SHUT UP. STOP IT.
  • ja’far? Ja’farrr. Ja’FAR!
  • BEHOLD!!! BEHOLD!!!!!!! BEHOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • the Djinn being super in awe of the audience
  • “i’ve got to become” a Dickfor. “what’s a dick for?” BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
  • CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE- oh shit (trips over cape)
  • youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. you’re the guy who killed my parents.
  • wait. if i’m you? then that means. i KiLlEd My PaReNtS?
  • “what’re you gonna do with the lamp?” WISH FOR STUFF jACKASS!!!!!!!
  • ok jesus christ i don’t know what’s going on here
  • ja’far! you’re like. a devil guy.
  • the smug lil look on rachael’s face after she buys the entirety of Pixar to end the war
  • “don’t you mean….. princess?”
    • “oh. i am so sorry, princess.”
    • darn tootin.
  • joe’s tiny “wait what happened to ja’far?”
  • RACHAEL’S LITTLE “you’re a diamond in the rough” BECAUSE I DIDN’T NEED MY FUCKING HEART
  • phenomenal cosmic powers. shitty, shitty living space.
  • and may the rats ejaculate upon you”
  • maybe if you kept your face out of that motherfucking book like ok belle go back to reading
  • the very subtle gayness of abdul and the captain before abdul dies it’s so cute and pure and i sob
  • first i lost her to the sultan. then i lost her to heaven. DAMN DYLAN YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO GO THAT HARD AND YET
  • the one line that Jim sings all by himself “’cause you STOLE my DAUGHTER’S HYMEN” and it’s surprisingly soulful
  • jezebel??!??!?!??!?!?
  • it’s enough to make me wish i were lowly and poor……… but like. with money!
  • joe walker just in general he kinda stole the show for me a lil because he’s so good at playing villains especially prince achmed
  • uh huh. we put them in burlap sacks and beat them until they were dead.
    • yep. out of the highest window of the highest tower.
  • dylan’s little high note at the end of “1001 Nights” 
  • Science says you’re dead and gone forever, reason says I’m talking to the air…
    • thanks Dylan you’ve hurt me again
  • “is your penis an innie or an outie.”
  • OH YEAH ALSO THE KISS AT THE END LIKE YEAH DYLAN AND MEREDITH GET SOME
  • The Entire Musical Folks Just Please Appreciate This Musical More It’s So Fucking Good
Days of the week: Sunday

Words: 1157

Reader X Jungkook 

Days of the week l Monday - Jin l Tuesday - Yoongi l Wednesday: Hoseok l Thursday - Namjoon l Friday - Jimin l Saturday - Taehyung l Sunday - Jungkook 


Originally posted by purelyjimin


*knock knock knock*


The knocking on the door made you jump. You looked at Tae as if you were asking him what it could be but his face was more confused than yours. Any of the boys who were there knew you both were fucking.

  “Get off, I’m busy here” he yelled at the person in the other side of the door.

You had barely rested, and so had Tae. You both were busy. You wanted to sleep. The knocking kept going and Tae got up angrily.

 “Cover yourself” he said before opening the door.

“Jungkook? What do you want? Can’t you see I’m kinda busy here?” he said, hiding himself behind the door. Jungkook?

You couldn’t hear what Jungkook was saying. But what could it be?

 “No, she is tired. However, it is still Saturday. Wait for Sunday” Tae said. You still couldn’t hear Jungkook’s answers, but you heard steps appearing and then, he was gone. Tae closed the door and went back to bed without saying a word, not telling you what Jungkook wanted. You would ask, but before you knew, you fell asleep.


 Wake up. Wake up, baby girl. You have slept enough.

 A sweet, deep voice was echoing through your asleep mind, pulling you to your hot reality. Your eyes snapped open and you were blessed with a sight of Taehyung beside you, full dressed, waking you up. You smiled at him. Gosh.

  “You slept all day. It’s night already, look” he said, pointing to the window. The sky was dark. Shit, have I slept this long? The college. Oh my

 “Huh…I… I gotta…” you tried to say. Shit, I’m so

Your phone buzzed.

   *Where tf are you? Shit, you can’t disappear like this, Y/N! You missed another class, for fuck sakes*  

  This was just one of 6 messages from your friend. Well, sorry but I am busy.  

  “Why don’t you take a shower and come have dinner with us?” Tae said. You looked at the clock.

 “Huh… It’s almost midnight. I have slept for almost 1 day, it’s almost Sunday. I really have to go home” you said.

You really needed. You weren’t sleeping at your dorm and were skipping a thousand classes. Besides, you had slept for almost 1 day, you were freaking tired and needed some time to yourself.

 “We’re leaving this town on Monday. We would like to spend this last day with you.”  He said simply. Your heart almost stopped.

 “Oh… right. Ok”  that’s all you could say.


   “This pasta is really good, Jin. Oh my God” you said. Jin really cooked well.

Everybody was there, just talking while you were eating, except by Jungkook who was taking a shower.  It was Sunday. Jungkook’s day. Honestly, you weren’t expecting much. He was a god in stage, his hips didn’t let him lie, but in personal, he was so shy. He had barely talked to you in that whole week. Actually, you hadn’t seen any dirtiness in him. He would be…vanilla? Or was he just letting you think he is something he wasn’t just to make you surprised?

 You wanted to keep thinking about but the next sight made you stop everything and look. Jungkook left the shower and walked to the living room – where everybody was – only with a towel around his waist, water drops falling on his entire body, his wet hair falling on his forehead. Shit. Shit shit shit. Your body reacted by the sec you saw him that hot. He looked straight into your eyes and then looked away.

 “Hyung, where’s my facial mascara?” he asked.

 You couldn’t hear anything. All you could think was about how much you wanted to lick all those drops out of his perfect abs. When he left, the boys talked again but you were still amused.

  “Try not to drool, Y/N” Yoongi said, noticing your amusement. Bastard. You came back to your pasta but before you could eat, a voice called you.

 “Come here, Y/N” Jungkook called you from your room. What? No way. You stood up slowly, still confused. Did he really call you?  You got closer to the bedroom he was and knocked on the door. “Come in and lock it” he said.

  He was standing a few centimeters away from the bed, still naked except by the towel. Your heart started to rush, your blood started to burn and your core was screaming for that towel to fall.  

  He walked towards you and suddenly, randomly, he picked you up getting up as well and pressing you against the door, your legs around his waist. Unhappily, the towel doesn’t fall off.

 “I know you think I’m shy. But I’m not. I just like to proof things at the right time, which is now” he said. You were still in a hoodie and underwear only, and you could already feel his huge bulge pulsing against your clothed pussy. Cheesus Christ. He kissed you, his soft lips moving against yours in a delicious way. His kiss was the best one till that moment just because of his lips shape. You opened your mouth and his tongue explored it, biting and sucking yours. His hands roamed your ass greedily; you could feel him pressing his hard on cock against you. You didn’t expect that at all.

 He stopped kissing you, making you whimper, and let your feet touch the ground. He walked towards the bed let the towel fall. Oh, my… The sight made you stop breathing and you could just stare at his dick. His big, delicious dick. He sat on the edge of the bed and did spread his legs.

  “Get on your knees and suck me” he said simply. You didn’t argue, you didn’t think, you didn’t assimilate, before you knew you were kneeling in front of him and taking his dick on your hand. You pumped it a few times but once the pre-cum came out, you started to blow him. He growled the erotic sound making you want to be fucked already. He was now holding a fistful of your hair, controlling your speed. When you gagged and tried to pull back, he didn’t let you.

 “Take it. I’m not done” he said. You could feel your amusement making your panties get wet. Really wet. He stopped you and told you to strip. When you quickly did, he started to stare at your naked body; you felt the necessity to cover yourself but avoided this feeling.

  “You are so hot, Y/N. I’m gonna fuck you all night” he said and you died in anticipation. “Lay” he said and you obeyed. He positioned himself between your legs and kissed you again. Going to your neck, he looked for your sweet spot and once he found it, he sucked at it. Then, he kissed each of your breasts, his tongue swirling around your nipples, making you grab the bed sheets. You could feel his erection against your thigh; you just wanted to feel him inside you already. His hand trailed down your thigh and pushed one finger inside you, making you gasp. He smirked at your reaction and pushed another finger deep inside you, pumping it in and out, wet sounds echoing from your pussy. His finger moves in and out of your walls, the sensation is fucking good.

“Your so fucking beautiful.” He said and pulled away. You whined. He clasped his teeth on your panties and pulled them off slowly, teasing you. “You are so fucking wet for me” he said. Biting his lip he positioned his dick at your entrance and pushed himself all the way in without warning. You screamed.

 “I wanna make you scream my name” he said, thrusting harder and louder. “I’m gonna fucking show you that I am not a kid”. You started bucking your hips against him, your bodies slapping against each other, trying to get some extra pleasure on your clit. He was so big and felt so fucking good inside you.

  “Oh my God, Jungkook” you screamed and digged your nails in his back.

 He stopped moving, but only long enough to bed you over and start to take you hard and quick from behind, the pressure inside you driving you completely insane. He kept thrusting inside you, and before you knew his hand was slapping against your ass cheek.

  Fucking with Jungkook was being completely delicious.

  “Do you like it? You still think I’m a kid?” he asked, pulling your hair.

 “Fuck, Jungkook” you said.

“No one else will ever fuck you this good, Y/N, not even my hyungs” he said. Wow. You couldn’t even answer; you were immersed in your pleasure.

  With all those cursing, screaming, skins slapping sounds, you were losing it. You felt Jungkook gripping your waist tighter and soon, you felt his releasing inside you. It pushed you towards the edge, and your walls clenched around his stone hard dick.


You opened your eyes, finding yourself in an empty bed, but before you could recognize where you were, the bedroom’s door snapped open.

 “We are leaving on Monday. However, you are one of the best girls we have ever fucked” Namjoon said. The room was silent.

“And… some of us fucked you, like, 5 days ago. It’s a long time” Yoongi said.

 “So…?” you asked.

  “If you want, you can choose one of us to fuck you one last time before we leave. Or all of us” Jungkook said.

What the fuck?


A/N: That’s it! I hope you like it and thank you for all the support. And no, there’s no part 2 or group sex

Repay You

2,500 Followers Drabble

Prompt: “I miss the days when you were cute and innocent.“

Pairing: Daddy!Dean x Reader

Requested by: @kas-not-cas


Pink. 

All Dean sees before him is god damn pink. How did he get here? Why is he here? This isn’t good. And he doesn’t fucking like it one bit. He’s not ready for this shit. He’ll never be ready for this shit. It’s inevitable but Dean isn’t prepared enough for this right now. 

“Can we move this along, sweetheart? I’m hungry.” Dean whines out, heavily pacing in front of his daughter’s dressing room.

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