i am so sorry for my everything

“i will work, i will give thanks”

~Yurio confronts Viktor during the banquet after the Barcelona GPF and asks him about agape again~

(original sketch)

You asked me to reassure you when
I had no words of affirmation left
Everything learned from Self-Help books
Dying on my tongue – each word tastes
Bitter, half-known, everything I
Could offer a placebo to those
Who have already drowned

But I hope you too young for such truths
Sunder my attention from news feeds
Saying tomorrow will be better
Than today for a dozen nights
As you sleep until I almost
Believe in it myself but not
Enough to make it real
(I am so very sorry)

anonymous asked:

Mom I love supercorp but trying to explain to my white best friend why I, a queer poc, would rather have karolsen, a Multiracial couple, is so tiring and I don't know what to say when she keeps saying "but the gays"

Ugh darling I am so sorry. You are under absolutely no obligation to explain white queer’s racism to said white queer. That should not be your burden and I am so freaking sorry that this person is making it your problem. Ugh. 

I would tell this person – and seriously, feel free to send them my way – that there is more to being gay than being white.

That there is more to relationships and representation than whether or not it’s gay.

That people of color so rarely get the opportunity to see themselves in healthy relationships in media, because media is controlled by white people and white supremacist structures (like… everything, ugh).

That seeing a Black man be loved and adored and admired by a white blonde girl is such a reversal from the damaging, racist, violent images of Black men as threatening to white women (when in reality, white women have been the excuse for so many horrific murders of Black men, so really, we – white women – are the bigger threat, structurally speaking).

That seeing a Black man be gentle and doting and happy on TV is rare, and that seeing him not killed for it, not sidelined for it, not given a terrible, backseat storyline when the white woman drops him for literally no reason at all (it would be fine if they were going with her being ace, of course, but they’re clearly not doing that, because they’re forcing her to be with a misogynist white man instead like wtf), is even rarer.

That Supercorp is delightful – and they’re amazing to watch on screen together – but Karolsen is just as important. And on this show, at this moment? Perhaps even moreso.

I am sending you so much love, sweetheart. So, so much love <3 <3 <3

sorry for all the gayposting but like… i am utterly head over heels and so content & happy about that. everything about laura is perfect, because she is laura. my heart is so full.

Sorry I'm moving!

I have 27 asks…in my ask box right now, and I haven’t been able to answer to any of them. Due to me moving back to my hometown with my auntie, because of some health issues. BUT I have my university *reading break* this week, so I am sure I will be able to answer to everything very soon and maybe even get a new story out? Thank you for the understanding! Love you all!-Mun

anonymous asked:

Hey, I know this isn't a direct musical question, but I could use some advice. I feel super anxious and depressed a majority of the time. I was just hospitalized earlier this month for suicidal ideation and I'm onto my 4th or 5th therapist. I've literally been driving myself crazy recently telling myself that stuff in the past hasn't happened too even though it has. I'm 15 and a musician myself and it's become less enjoyable for me. How do I gain my spark back? Please help...

Hello, my love. I’m so so sorry to hear that you’re in this dark a place, but I want to start by saying how proud I am of you for still choosing to fight. Honestly, that’s the first step in everything.
You don’t have to deny anything about the past. No matter how terrible- or not terrible- it was real, and your emotions conerning the past are very valid. Don’t deny yourself your emotions.
The tricky thing about emotions is that they’re like a wave: we have to learn to ride them, else we drown in them. But, like all waves, they will eventually pass. Now, I’m not necessarily talking about your depression as a whole, rather, your current emotional state at this very moment. No emotion is permanent, and all we can do is deal with what is immediately in front of us, not behind us, and not forward in the future.
Now, I can’t tell you how to recover. But I can tell you what has helped me, and what lessons I have personally learned.

First- When self love is not possible, self care comes first. You have to default to taking care of your body, even if you hate your mind. I lost a lot of weight when my depression hit rock bottom, and I was actually underweight for my size. Eventually, having a tumor is what made me differentiate between me as a consciousness, and my body (sounds strange, I know.) But I started forcing myself to eat, even when I hated myself the most. Your body is only trying to keep you going, even when your mind wants to stop. Your body is your ally. It deserves to be treated like an ally, even when you hate your mind and thoughts. Fuck, I’m trying really hard to force myself to eat as I write this.

Second- There is no finish line. Bear with me here. Every day is an act of re-dedicating yourself… to yourself. Over. And over. And over. Every day. And it’s exhausting at first. I will not lie to you. But it is worth it. I’m going to challenge you to this: Every day, find one little thing that lessens the pain. However little or however temporary. Find something for you. Every damn day. What “sparks you” will change. Emptiness is the first step in finding what fills you. I don’t love music like I used to, and I’m trying, same as you. Some days my spark is gone again and I start to panic, thinking “I can’t go back to that dark place I can’t go back to that dark place,” but this is when that wave comes in. Ride it. Don’t fight the panic- grant yourself permission to feel it. The only way out is in. I found that what helps me most is poetry. Reading it, writing it, indulging in it at my lowest allows me to navigate that wave. There have been sleepless nights where I was fighting and fighting and fighting myself and poetry kept me company till I could pass the night. This is how I sometimes like to rededicate the day to myself, or maybe its just five extra minutes to enjoy my morning coffee. I still have major self-worth issues, but these “acts of rededicating myself to myself,” allow me to recenter and remember that i am the center of my own little world. I’m all i really have, and I’m all I really need. This mentality gave way to gratitude. I imagine you have something that will act similarly for you, even if you haven’t found it yet. Something that acts as an alternative and temporary solace that you can do, just for you. Music doesn’t have to be the only spark or outlet, allow yourself to fall into something that maybe helps even an eensy bit more for now. Music will always be waiting for you.

When I first stopped cutting, it wasn’t because I wanted to. But it was because I felt like I had something to prove (not a healthy mindset, but hey, a starting point). I’m about 10 months self harm clean now and you know what? It’s hard. You know what? Sometimes I lie awake and want to cut myself again. Not because anything is wrong, but because it becomes a habitual and addictive action that I don’t know how to let go of yet. I want it so bad some days, some days I WANT to relapse into self harm, some days I don’t know why i bother fighting it. But I ride that emotional wave until it passes. It’s worth it to not feel that familiar shame the next morning.

I also had to physically remove myself from the environment I was in. I’m not fucking kidding. I dropped out of college the day before classes started my junior year, lived with new people, got a new job, and eventually started completely over at a new school. I wholeheartedly believe that, had I stayed, I might have acted on my suicidal thoughts and emotions. I was close enough as it was. You might not be able to manage that kind of change, but this might be an indication that some major change does need to take place.

I feel like this post, while excessive in length, doesn’t do justice to just how much I wish I could tell you. And it VASTLY oversimplifies the process of recovery, because the honest truth is that recovery doesn’t stop. One day you’ll feel the sunshine and want to live again, but it’s an ongoing process. It’s so hard, my love, I know, and I’m so sorry. Ultimately, take medication if you need it. There is no shame in medication, and don’t ever let anybody tell you otherwise. Listen to your therapist. “Eat better and do yoga” or whatever are not the end-all-be-all answers, but they’re suggesting these kinds of approaches as a means of helping you find coping methods. They know that these methods are not cures. But they can help at least a teeny bit if you let them. And please come back to me for help if you ever need. You’re not alone. I promise.

When self love isn’t possible, default to self care.
Rededicate yourself to your own self every single day.
There is nothing shameful about medication.
Cheesy and corny as it sounds, it’s true: you’re not alone

anonymous asked:

YOUR EDITS!!! ARE SO!! PRETTY i always reblog your works ;;♡ i got back 2 months ago (i went on hiatus and left kpop to focus on uni but my friend dragged me into svt and here i am and ive never sunken so deep) and editing styles have changed since waaaay back and i really want to get back to doing graphics;; ive been looking for tutorials but theres not much. sorry to bother but how do you do pastel edits?? the lines colors and blushies and everything;; just a few tips could help thank you! ♡

Hello and welcome back! thank you for liking my works! I’m not really good at giving editing tips since i discover a lot of editing methods on my own. but i’ll do my best! 

  • pastel doesn’t have to be colors that are so close to white. there are dark pastels as well and they are just as beautiful as light pastels! don’t be afraid to expand your horizons! 
  • play around with the settings and tools in your editing program. that was how i learned the nooks and crannies of photoshop. doing this will also help you find your own routine on editing. 
  • inspiration helps the brain work! get inspiration from others is a great way to collect ideas! but that doesn’t mean copy their works. make sure you credit them when you’ve used someone’s idea! 
  • developing style will take time. i still haven’t found my own concrete style yet, and it’s okay if it takes a long time! keep editing and i know you will get there! graphic design is always a learning journey and the more you edit, the more new things you will find! good luck! 

anonymous asked:

Mom?(are ppl calling you this🙈) i feel super shitty after today and watching the new episode... Kara being treated so poorly (what was this end scene even), sanvers not getting screentime (even tho it shouldve been sanvers centric) and maggies trauma being kinda ignored sort of triggered me :/ my family is super homophobic (russian and religious) and ive been very depressed but ive been ok for half a year now... but now i feel catapulted back to the time i was feeling super down idk how to cope

Hi honey – I am so sorry. I know, I totally agree about everything you’re saying.

I am so sorry that Maggie’s trauma – and her not being allowed to deal with it on screen – was triggering for you. You aren’t alone, my love. It was triggering for a lot of people.

Coping is hard, and coping is a process, but you have done it before – you are so, so, so strong – and I know you can get through it now, too. You are not alone, and you are so very loved, darling.

I wish I could do more, but in lieu of that, here, I did some writing that I hope will be of some comfort to you and people with similar experiences. I am sending you so, so, so much love, honey. You are perfect, and I believe in you <3 <3 <3


anonymous asked:

I am LIVING for your posts about how muslim men treat women in the community. My husband has threatened many times to get a second wife and has cheated on me, blaming the fact that i "wont let him get a 2nd wife" and also calls me unladylike when i call him out on his manipulation (he makes me feel guilty about everything even if he does something wrong like CHEATING) !!! Giiiiiiirl you've given me ammunition lmao alhamdulillah for you

Oh wow! I am so sorry you have to endure that! I am making dua for you 💙 You deserve better and I ask Allah ﷻ to make that happen soon 💕

anonymous asked:

I'm bi, but I was raised Catholic and I can very much relate to Maggie's backstory because that is the exact same thing that I fear on a day to day basis and I'm not even out to my parents yet. I always think what if they find out and kick me out. And then to top it off hearing my 'best friend' say it's "wrong", seeing Sanvers (no matter the contex) is the highlight of my week.

Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry that you can relate to it so much. You are not alone and you are incredible, and you are not wrong, and you are perfect, just as you are, I promise. You are powerful and you are so, so, so loved. You deserve all the best of everything, and you will have it, darling: I’m sending you so much love <3 <3 <3


Writer says: So I had this crazy idea one day and I just had to work on it. Here ya go!

Writer means: So I had this crazy idea either right before getting in the shower or right before falling asleep so I grabbed my fucking laptop and shat all over it to create the steaming pile of crap that I now lay before you. I don’t even know if it’s good anymore. I haven’t slept in two days.

Writer says: Wow, real life’s getting busy! Sorry on the slow updates.

Writer means: My life is a literal storm of shit at the moment. Why did I decide to do this. Why am I still doing this. Everything around me is spinning out of control and I am staying up ‘til 5:30 in the morning every night to create a piece of work that will only get two comments and 12 demands for quicker updates. I hope no one’s mad at me, all I wanted to do was write.

Writer says: Wow! Would you look at that! I updated on time! Please enjoy!


Writer says: This chapter was a toughie. Glad it’s finally done!

Writer means: I don’t know if this is good or not. I honestly don’t fucking know. I’ve read the same words over and over and over again and I just couldn’t look at it anymore. My beta said it was ok but I’m not confident but HOLY SHIT I JUST NEED TO STOP WRITING THIS FUCKIGN CHAPTER.

Writer says: Thanks for reading!

Writer means: Please, oh please oh please oh please leave me a review. A comment. Anything. Please tell me you’re out there. Please tell me someone is reading this.

Writer says: I just want to say that real life is getting pretty hectic right now. Please try to be patient with me, I know you guys want updates. Thanks! :)

Writer means: FUCK. YOU. Who the fuck do you think you are, demanding shit from me?! You don’t know my life! I have a very busy life! I create shit for free, you entitled son of a pig-fucker! STOP LEAVING ME COMMENTS TELLING ME TO UPDATE SOON OR I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL PUKE ALL OVER MY COMPUTER 

Writer says: What’s gonna happen next? Who knows? Hee hee ;)

Writer means: I have no fucking clue what the next chapter is going to look like. What’s my plot? I don’t know. I feel no emotion.

Writer says: Please leave a comment! It helps me write!

Writer means: I am begging you to leave me a comment because I swear it’s the only thing that’s keeping me motivated right now, I hate the work I put out and I need reassurance that people are actually enjoying this.

Writer says: I hope you enjoyed that chapter, big things are coming up! ;)

Writer means: Buckle up bitches, someone’s gonna die.

Writer says: I know I’ve missed a few updates, but I swear I plan on finishing this story! 

Writer means: *high pitched eternal screeching*

Writer says: Here we are at long last! This has been one wild ride. I want to thank you all so much for your support and love, I adore each and every one of you. I am so happy to say that this story has come to a wonderful close.

Writer means: My body is numb. Voices call out to me from the void, but I can no longer hear them over the beating of my racing heart. I am stressed to the point where I feel no relief. The story is done. It’s fucking DONE. I loved it, I hated it, it was a fucking storm of horror and pain. I can no longer see color. Now I can at last relax and…wait……wait a second………..holy shit I just thought of the best idea for a one-shot that’s totally gonna turn into a 50 chapter slow burn AU fic leT’S FUCKING DO THIS


More Pabbi!Glæpur Au which is what I guess I’m calling it, b/c I have a basic outline down, and I am self-indulging like no tomorrow, and I cannot even begin to regret it.

do not think for a second a baby would slow this boy’s crime

I couldn’t resist.

@stardefiant @skammmed