I decided to post my opinion about this whole thing due to people saying it’s uncertain to say whether Eric was or wasn’t racist. I’m aware that it IS uncertain, since we don’t know everything about him, but I feel the need of posting my feelings.
At first, in Eric’s Journal, we can find some statements about this. Lets see:
“People always say we shouldnt be racist. Why not? Blacks ARE different, like it or not they are. They started on the bottom so why not keep em there. It took the centuries to convince us that they are equal but they still use their color as an excuse or they just discriminate us because we are white. Fuck you, we should ship yer black asses back to Afri-fucking-ca were you came from. We brought you here and we will take you back. America=White."
Here, on the other hand are "words of wisdom from REB.” (Eric’s online rants “You know what I hate/love.)
“YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE!!
—RACISM!!Anyone who belives that blacks, asians, mexicans, or people from any other country or race besides white-american….people who think that should be drug out into the street, have their arms ripped off, be burnt suht at the stumps, then have every person of the race that YOU hate come out and beat the shit out of you. and if you are female, then you should be raped by a male from the race you hate and be forced to raise the child! You people are the scum of society and arent worth a damn piece of worm shit. You all are trash. And dont let me catch you making fun of someone just because they are a different color because i will come in and break your fucking legs with a plastic spoon. i dont care how long it takes! and thats both legs mind you.”
People often say that Eric is simply a hypocrite.
"Its ok If I am a hypocrite, but no one else."
But who isn’t sometimes? Don’t forget the fact that Eric was also only a human. Honestly, I caught myself million of times doing things that I consider as stupid.
I can put some example of what I’m talking about: people may smoke cigarettes, but sometimes they can be even pissed at themselves for doing it and destroying their own health and so they hate everybody who smokes. (Maybe this was even an example of situation for Eric being smoker and hating young smokers, but I have strong feeling that he didn’t care about his health if it comes to smoking though.)
Thing that you describe as totally bad and stupid in one day, can be considered by you as the best in other day, too.
This may be caused by mood swings or just by changing opinions.
I think that due to Eric’s age this is very understandable.
I’m not condoning racism or Eric’s behavior, but I’m trying to understand it.
"And I am one racist mother fucker too, fuck the niggers and spics and chinks, unless they are cool, but sometimes they are so fucking retarded they deserve to be ripped on. some people go through life begging to be shot. and white fucks are just the same.”
Maybe it seems to you that Eric was racist, but I don’t feel it this way, I understood it in my own way. At first I have strong feeling (and hope I’m not the only one who thinks it) that he wouldn’t mind that you are different color if you were the type of person he liked. (“fuck the niggers unless they are cool”).
Some facts that I’d like you to notice:
• He didn’t clearly mention he hates black people because of their COLOR. (“but they still use their color as an excuse or they just discriminate us because we are white”) I think he had hate towards them because he didn’t like behaviors of only some of black people and so it increased into hating black people in general.
• Again, another thing: “and white fucks are just the same” Eric hated almost everybody, sometimes even without reasons. In Basement Tapes, he and Dylan also mentioned having hate towards all races.
As we know, Reb’s opinions weren’t same as the time went and were unstable. Having mood swings isn’t excuse; but I think that people forget about this sometimes. Another thing that isn’t very associated with this topic is fact that the time of Eric writing rants (including writing his Journal) was the time during which he was taking medication and was being diagnosed with symptoms of anxiety and mood changes. So it’s possible to say that his opinions and feelings in general were slightly disoriented and confused. Eric was trying to get accustomed to his medication (about which we know that he had some problems with):
Mark Taylor, student who was shot at Columbine, brought a lawsuit against Solvay, the international pharmaceutical company that produces Luvox. Taylor’s 2001 lawsuit said Luvox had caused Harris to become manic, psychotic, and homicidal/suicidal and had brought about “emotional blunting,” or a lack of inhibition. Tayor’s lawsuit also faulted Solvay for failing to warn of the “risks and dangers” associated with the drug.
In early 1998, according to Taylor’s lawsuit, Harris had taken Zoloft for two months, but soon became “obsessional.” Harris became obsessed with homicidal and suicidal thoughts “within weeks” after he began taking Zoloft, according to Dr. Tracy. Due to his obsession with killing, Harris was switched to Luvox, which was in his system at the time of the shooting, according to his autopsy. The change from Zoloft to Luvox is like switching from Pepsi to Coke, Dr. Tracy said.
This is probably absolutely waaay of, but I have the feeling that the powerful, hateful, rebelious “Reb” was more into hating people, many times even without reason.
I’m not describing it as split personality, but I think the “Reb side” was kind of personality which gave him more self esteem and so it gave him the power to judge people, sometimes even only by their color.
Maybe when he wrote “YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE? RACISM!” he felt a little bit remorseful for being that kind of person who judge people without truly reason (maybe because he was treated by similar way- considered as weird psycho without reasons?).
Unfortunately I have the feeling that this opinion won’t be accepted, so I have to shut up.
“RIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGG* the bell goes of as Mr. Harris finishes giving us our homework and dismissesus. I linger behind and wait for everyone to leave so that I can hand in the assignment that he has just set the class. I got it last week and did it early becauseI am busy this weekend. He smiles as I hand it to him and kisses my forehead. OMG WHAT I’M HAVING AN FLING WITH THE TEACHER. No hes my ex step brother, nobody knows that though. I smile walking out of the door to my locker. As I approach I see Nate maloley standing my my locker talking to Johnson, I childhood friend of mine but its unknown to months we only really talk over text or at night From our roofs. As I approach my locker I slip in my headphones so nobody speaks to me. I turn and enter my lock pin and then open it forgetting abut my amazing collection of Theo James and Zach Efron pictures that have been stuck all over my locker door. I quickly slam it shut again but not fast enough. “Bloody hell girll ain’t you a little obsessed?” I hear Nate says, able their him over my music. I turn around ready to fight back, I see a smile tugging at Johnson mouth as he waves his hand in Nates direction, telling me to reply.
“Well whatever” I say, embarrassing myself. I turn to look at Johnson whose looks like hes holding back laughter. “Funk you Johnson” I say spinning around, opening my locker and dumping my bag inside because I have no homework and grabbing my keys, phone and wallet and sliding them into my pocket.
“Not my fault you have shitty comebacks Angel” he says back. This was the first time we really spoke in schoolm we normally just keep our distance but because the school was emptying out and Nate was the only one here. “Angel? Guessing you two know each other” Nate figures out quickly. I wait to see Johnson reaction and he nods so I nod too. “But shes the teachers pet and your constantly getting kicked out, so do explainhow this happended” Nate asks confused as to how we know each other. “Basically dads were besties, before hers left, so were moms and they got knocked up at the same time, we were born 1 day apart and have been friends for life but non of you know about her because I want to keep her pure” he tells Nate before looking over at me before adding. “Or as pure as she can be” I smirk arguing. Only the two of us knowing the real me.
“Ain’t that just adorable, why don’t you invite her to my party tomorrow night” he tells Johnson but keeping his eyes on me. “Well whether he invites me or not I wont be coming unless you ask me” I say beiNg difficult. Nate smirks at me. “Aight lil ma, would you like to come to my party tonight? Let me get to know you and aid you in pulling away from being a goody two shoes” he ask me. I internally laugh, oh if only he knew. “Kay whatever” I say turning away before walking out of school jumping into my beautiful car and speeding off home. As I enter the house I make a beeline for my bed room pulling out the blunt I rolled before going to school. I climb out into the roof walking along the edge before jumping the 3 foot distance onto the tree that holds my tree house. Sitting down on the bean bag I light it up and take a long drag. I start to loosen up instantly.
“Y/N hunny, can you some help me please.” I jumps I hear the voice close. I put out the blunt and put it into the little case under the floorboards of the teahouse. I grab a perfume and spray myself getting rid of the smell and popping some gum kn my mouth before jumping out of the wooden hut and running across the yard to my mother. “ what can I do for you?” I ask my voice chirpy. “Go grab the rest of the bailout of the car and there is a Forever 21 bag its for you, i got you a little present for your amazing grades.” She tells a large smile on her face. I nod and run out to the car grabbing bags in one hand and 4 in whether and putting the forever 21 bag kn my mouth j run to the dumping the bags on the island before running upstairs to see whats in the bag. Some shorts, a top and a dress. I pick up the dress and hold it oUT in front of me. Its so party worthy. It was a short mid thigh length dress. Plain black with cut outs at the sides. Long sleeved and main thing was that was TIGHT. I laid it out on the bed and took a picturesending it o Johnson like I always do with clothes going to wear to a party to get his approval. Moments later he replies. `nope, my friends are horny and I cant protect you the whole night like I normally do so no` Awhh hes cute but wearing this. I reply with a okay making him think that I care.
*****Later that night*****
I go out onto the roof and see Johnson is already there. “Hello babyface” I shout across at him. He looks up from his phone, “heyy, guess what?” He shouts back as I take a seat Brighton the edge of the roof so me and Johnson are within in a meter of each other. “What? You finally admit to being a 9 year old” I ask him jokingly. “No, actually I have Nate begging for your number and I’m am giving it to him” he says smirking his face illuminated by the light of his phone. “NO JACK, JACK DON’T THIS DEFEATS THE POINT OF ME BEING THE SECRET FRIEND AND OF US HAVING SEPARATE LIVES AT SCHOOL” I shout at him trying to make him understand. I mean even Gilinsky doesn’t know we are friends, we are that good at hiding it. “I’m sorry too late, you shouldn’t have insulted me woman” he states in his sassy voice. As he says that get a text.
`Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Be my baby and
Come make love to me"
I read it out loud to Jack and decide to get all protective and calls Nate questioning him about wehat he has just texted me. I motion for him to put it on speaker, he does.
“blame me, she is hot, dont know why you kept her hidden from us for so long” I hear most of his sentence. I smirk putting my palms together under my chin a sweet smile on my face. Johnson throws a rock at me. “Dude you better shut up, shes like my sister dont call her hot thats just gross and you will never get with her, im keeping her away from all of you” he tells him trying to be my father. I am quick to defend myself. “ayeee boy i can choose who i get with and you can’t keep me away from anyone” I shout forgetting about Nate.
I hear Nate cough “Am I on speaker?” he asks awkwardly, like a 12 year old who thinks her crush has heard her talking about him in the way 12 year olds do now a days. “No” I shout before Face palming. I am the biggest damn idiot known to humanity. “Well this was nice, I will see ya’ll tomorrow night…Peace out J and you too Lil ma” he says hanging up.
“JAACCCKKKKK stop acting like my damn dad” i whine annoyed.the next thing that comes out of his mouth I was nver expecting. “Well someone has got to because yours ran for the fucking hills.” I shake my head throwing an old can at his face, missing him. “Screw you johnson” knowing hes right. My dad leaving was the reason behind my behaviour now. In the distance we hear “Jack,Jack is here can you come down now, hi Y/N wheres your mom i was calling her?” mrs. Johnson asks me. “Shes got a date with that Martin guy. Noah was meant to watch me but hes asleep somewhere in the house. Anyways bye J” (Noah is mr Harris) I tell them before walking back along the roof and jumping back in through my window. I feel my phone vibrating. I look down at it. another text from Nate. ‘come tomrrow it’ll be fun goody 2shoes’ he tetxs me. I reply with k , knowing that annoys so many people. I turn off my phone and jump into bed, quickly falling asleep.
“J just go have fun I will be fine” i tell him shoving him away from me. He is scared that someone will attack me because of my dress. Hes such as cutie but a dad at the same time.He finall;y walks away and i walk over to the keg and pour my self a beer. before walking onto the dance floor slowly moving along to the beat taking small sips of my drink as I do. I hear rap God come on and a smile takes over my face, this is a talent I have been hiding. I start rapping along not missing a single word.as the song ends i hear applause. I open my eyes to see everyone looking at me. Well dayum I think to myself as a flush red. Then to embarrass my self further when Nate comes up behind me saying that was amazing I jump a foot in the air and spill my drink on him. Well this just got stressful real quick. Annoyed I try to wipe him down but give when I hear laughter. I throw the napkins in his face before storming out the back door into the garden. I breathe deeply relaxing. J was rright bad idea.
I feel someone’s arms my waist and quickly spin around hitting them out of self defence. Theface turns towards me, it was Johnson. I stifle a laugh as I put my hand t his cheek. “I’m sorry but you know you should have called my name first or something” I tell him barely containing my laughter. He smiles unharmed by me hitting him.
“Nate told them all about you and now they want to meet the girl with mad rap skills, they said you were better than me. Obviously they are dumb” he tells me defending himself. I nod my head a sarcastic smile on my face. “This all your fault, I now have to mix with your awful friends” I say before letting him drag me away. “Waiiittt, I want a quick smoke” I tell him trying too get him to release my arm. “Nat wilkl let you share his now move” he demands. God okay I think tk my self. We finally reach the destination allowing me to straightenmy dress out. I look around the room, recognising them all from school. Sam`s eyes open wide at the sight of me.
“Yo shes the one I saw getting it on with that teacher” Sam finally shouts. Confused a look at Johnson then back to Sam. “Me and a teacher? You are delusional mate the teachers at our school are far from ever being attractive, now I tHinkle about it so are the male students” I say motoionng to the room.
“I saw you kiss Mr.Harris and we are as unattractive as you” Sam quick to defend himself and his squad. I hold back a laugh. “Noah, known to yours Mr.Harris was my step brother and he is like a brother to me still idiot” I tell Sam his face flushing red after being proved wrong. He replies with a measly whatever. Smirking I sit next to Johnson between him and Nate. “Sorry about earlier the heat, the noise and the drink were getting a litter too much” I whisper to hi. He nods his head before offering me his blunt, expecting me to turn it down. I take a long drag before creating rings as I let it out again. I start to feel the buzz building. The whole room stares at me, shocked.
“Jesus, never seen someone smoke before. STOP STARING” I shout them, getting irritated quickly. Johnson smirks at them. “Well you all owe me ten dollars each” victory visible voice. They all groan as they pull out 10 dollars tossing it in his direction.
“How did the teachers pet turn to this, ive only ever seen you dressed in modest clothing and looking innocent now you look the opposite” Nate asks me baffled. “Its called a front, do well and my mom lets me live free. Obviously she doesn’t know about the drinking and smoking but other than that sheknows everything about me.” I tell them. They just look confused. I would be too if I was them. We spend 3 hours sitting, talking, drinking before decide I want to leave. As I get up Johnson following Nate quickly drags me off to the side.
Scratching his neck he asks me “ummmhh, I was wonderngnif you maybe wanted t go out sometime?” He asks me looking flustered. I stare st him before opening my mouth. I don’t say anything instead lean forward kissing him. His hands fall to my lower back. “IF YOUR HANDS GO LOWER NATHAN I WILL CUT THEM OFF WITH A PLASTIC KNIFE” I hear Johnson shout in our direction I put my middle finger up at him before pulling away. “Yeah why not you are kinda cute with those dimples” I tell him before walking away, linking my arm with Johnson as we walk out of the house jumping in my car. I quickly glance back at the house seeing Nate doing a celebratory dance.
What an adorable dork.