This is a post I have been trying to get right for a few weeks now but I wasn’t sure how to actually write it and how to phrase it so I am going to try and keep it as raw as possible because I think it is important to share our mental health with others and show that there isn’t a stigma behind it and that we can all get through it if we just take it one day at a time. I am saying if you are triggered by anything to do with mental health don’t read it!
At the age of 12 I was a normal preteen starting school and I loved it. I studied non stop and had no problems as at all. I had friends and I got on with everyone. I enjoyed sports and was enjoying teaching myself guitar since I loved playing music from a young age. Just after I turned 13 it all started to go downhill. On March 16th 2012 my uncle passed away from cancer and that broke me for many reasons i’m not going to go into. Around this time I started to get depressed and started to listening to music to help me cope. I was fine for a few months I was getting through it day by day. I struggled to study but I was still doing fairly well. Then on the day of my christmas break my nanny got very sick and passed away on January 1st 2014. This effected me just as badly as my uncle dying maybe worse since I knew my nanny better.
My depression continued on for another year or so until I told my mam. Well I more broke down after dropping her vape thing. I decided it would be best to go see a doctor about it. I went to see a female doctor who was lovely. In my town mental health has to be taken seriously because we have the highest suicide rate in Ireland. I was treated really well by my doctor and she just helped me cope with it a bit more and refereed me to the psychology sector or whatever it is called. I am still on a waiting list after two years because that’s how great our country is That was in December 2015 and I have been able to cope with it a lot more than I was before. I have left out a lot of details because I don’t feel comfortable sharing them because many people in my life don’t know about them and I think i would like to keep it like that.
I then had to deal with my Junior Cert (GCSE’s) in June 2015 where I experienced my first anxiety attack. It was a scary experience. Since then I have suffered from anxiety attacks on a daily basis. I have learned to cope with it but sometimes it can take over my life. I will get into it a bit more in the post but I try to not make it my life and I think having a positive mind frame really helps and going to talk about with someone really helps whether it is your mam, dad, favorite teacher or even a stranger on omegle it really helps honestly!
My anxiety was something I had to come to terms with more than the depression because the anxiety just sort of sprung up on me but when I think about it I was a very anxious kid too I guess my parents just thought I was restless and excited. Over the past few years it has caused more problems than solved. In 4th year I couldn’t do a musical because of it, not that I regret not doing it.I don’t see the fascination of dancing on a stage for others to enjoy. All last year it really took over my life I had major anxiety attacks during exams which caused my grades to go down. I am in my last year of school and I can’t afford for my anxiety to take over my life so I am on a long road of self love and finding ways to actually help me cope with it. I hopefully will get it under control. I know I will and I think for anyone who suffers from the same will know how hard it can be. It takes a very long time and I think taking it one day at a time helps too. I am back properly studying and not letting it rule my life and I think that is a step in the right direction and I haven’t had any anxiety during tests so lets hope I will be the same during exams.
I am making this post not only to stop the stigma behind mental health but to show others that it is okay to fail in school because of mental health or let your mental health rule your life because it happens but you need to grab it back and keep going because I believe in you all. If I can get through it everyone can no matter what the circumstance or how bad you feel I know it will eventually get better for you and just keep looking forward to that! I hope by sharing this others will too! I am scared to share this with everyone but I think it is important. One of my favorite things to do it journal whether it is art journaling or just writing I love it and find it so therapeutic and I plan on making a post on it soon. I want to thank @jasperstudies for encouraging me to post this I really wasn’t sure on posting it but here it is!
I hope at least one person gets something out of this post and I hope other people share their experiences with mental health and stop the stigma !