i am so goddamn curious now

y’all i gotta say i was so anti-drug for the longest goddamn time. i was trash, i looked down on people who smoked weed and shit and thought they were the worst, let my upper middle class aunts and uncles convince small-town me that weed is for drop outs and losers. never mind that i am now a dropout, that’s beside the point. i’m doing okay with my own place and my own car and a steady job, fuck you very much family.

but damn at some point i just got curious after a lifetime of being a shithead and the first time i smoked weed i got way too fucking high. i thought i was dying. it was the worst. 

and then i was like “well…. people like this??? so obviously i’m not doing it right. so let’s try it again.”

and the first time i just had a plain old average high i laughed my ass off because what the fuck. that’s it? that’s what’s illegal? being a little munchy and a little hungry and a little sleepy and thinking dumb shit is funny?

and then i realized: i’m a retired pharmacist’s kid. i’ve been on meds all my life. marijuana replaced my sleeping pills. marijuana replaced my stomach medications. marijuana mellowed out my self-harm OCD. marijuana allowed me to cut back on my anxiety medication a little bit. marijuana treated my nausea, my insomnia, and my chronic pain.

and in a country with a multi-billion dollar per year pharmaceutical industry, that is why marijuana is illegal. in a country that has multi-billion dollar clothing and paper industries based on cotton and wood pulp, that is why hemp is shunned. 

it’s not about the munchies, y’all.

it’s about the goddamn money.

wonder woman according to helen

HELEN is her archetype, not her name: homeschooling kids, state level 4H involvement, scout troop mom who can bring ranged damage to a fight over brownies

so Helen says she saw wonder woman and I say OH WASN’T IT WONDERFUL

she turns to me and says ‘it was…. OK.’

i am still stammering out my baffled disbelief when she clarifies: 'it was too… she was too nice. to much oh love will save the world.’ she wrinkled her nose. this woman has a 'follow your dreams’ artwork in the bathroom. it’s very pretty.

in my mind is a running tally of how many fucking tanks Diana flipped in the course of the movie. 'so… Too cuddly. Not enough punching?’ (she charged a machine gun nest with a sword and shield, Helen)

she agrees and says, 'look you don’t understand, wonder woman - the Linda Carter one - was my hero, I had the underoos and everything. my. HERO.’

duly noted, Helen, and apparently I am gonna have to watch it because now I am curious goddamn

I am able to firmly establish that we did indeed watch the same movie because I said 'well, there was also Chris Pine, and he’s awfully nice to watch.’ she gives a small Whois? sort of frown and I say 'Chris.. Steve Trevor? The dude?’

recognition: she gives me the dead serious face of 'girl you don’t even know’ and nods. helen would climb Chris Pine like a tree. perhaps she takes a dim view of Diana’s restraint on the matter?

wonder woman (2017) dir. Patty Jenkins. two stars. not enough punching.

callout post for myself

i was at albertsons at 4:30 am to buy hydrocortisone cream bc i couldn’t sleep due to a weird rash on my chest and i happened to see a very cute stuffed animal

now, seeing as i am over the age of 10 years old i should have just smiled and moved on, but this stuffed animal was a leopard and VERY cute, so i grabbed it off the high shelf so i could take a closer look at it. to be honest i had absolutely no intention of buying it! i was just curious and it caught my eye…. plus it was 4:30 am and i haven’t been sleeping well so i’m just running on empty and trying to have a fun time, ok

ANYWAYS, upon closer inspection, the stuffed leopard was missing an eye. now, logically, i should have been like “aww bummer, i wasn’t gonna buy this anyways because i’m 24 goddamn years old, but the missing eye just makes me even LESS interested”

instead, for whatever reason, i realized that the missing eye meant that nobody would ever love this fucking stuffed leopard at the god damn albertsons i saw at 4:30 am while looking for hydrocortisone cream and it would probably be thrown in the trash once the employees realized it was defective

in conclusion: i now own a one eyed leopard plushie that i got for $10.99 at albertsons, and i love her