i am so done with myself

Thoughts on myself~

I’m too hard on myself. I just kind of sat and thought “where do you wish to be? What could you of done better?” That’s the thing, that’s not how it works.

If I were to redo my life, it would of turned out the EXACT same as it is now, because I am who I am and I make the choices I do regardless of the circumstances.
I don’t know where I’m going to be in the future, but HECK, I’m working hard to secure whatever place that is; I’m giving it everything I got. I’ve been working at drawing since I was a kid, I’ve been working at earning money and going to college since high school. I’m doing fine. I’m growing as a person and I have a lot to learn, but that’s what life freaking is!

All these people that expect me to be something are morons. I am what I am and I will be what I will be.

That’s all I can do.  

Sorry if people were expecting me to blog loads about KotET but I always give a bit of time on releases, then use the spoiler tag for any chapter-related posts I make.

Also I’m taking my sweet time playing a light and dark chapter playthrough with my Sage Philippe and Juggernaut Altaire. I know we won’t get story content until the next expansion so I’m just enjoying it at my own pace.

I am temporarily avoiding the SWTOR tag since I’m sure there’s probably lots of spoilers in there that people have forgotten to tag. So again sorry I’ve missed out on people’s recent posts there!

Saying that though, I’ve enjoyed the 2 chapters that I’ve done so far and I’m bracing myself for what I accidentally learned about chapter 8 :D

Dr’s done. It was okay. Not much dr can do given time I have left here but she was nice.

I was a bit ‘why am I here’ while waiting as there was a painfully thin young lady ahead of me at reception. Feel so so bad about being upset that I am not worryingly thin anymore. Also it isn’t fair on the poor person I am comparing myself too. I am sure she would be upset if she knew *sigh*.

Anyway I was mainly going about anxiety. I explained the palpitations and anxiety and asked if she agreed it was panic and not physical. Also what could I do to cope given the move away soon. She did some basic obs and said everything was fine and normal. So yeah panic attacks. She gave me some good self help websites and an online Web course to sign up to for panic management that I could do from devon.

In going through general mental health I mentioned my ed history and she asked if it was still an current issue. I said yes and that food guilt was really high. She didn’t seem concerned and didn’t weigh me so my brain is having a great time twisting that. I blame water retention and crying making me puffy. Speaking of puffy. I said I have not been binging and purging really for the last 6 months but she looked skeptical and wants my potassium checking. Which given the palpitations and puffy face is sensible but sulk. Silly logical doctor being all sensible.

Am glad that it is 99% just adrenaline and panic attacks not anything physical tho. Helps a lot just knowing that.

for all your information, yuuri on ice has completely ended me and destroyed all that was and is left of me, and that nothing remains of me anymore, because every time i think this show can’t be better to me, can’t pander to me and everything i want, can’t be better, can’t outdo tiself, it does, and this episode jsut completely went totally overboard that i don’t know what to do with myself anymore. i am dead and dying and i want the whole show projected on my grave. this shit, right here, is called saving anime, and i want sayo yamamoto and mitsuo kubo to team up again and make a romance anime about two adult women that ends with their marriage that is just as well-done, well-thought out, and detailed with so much effort and pasion and love poured into it.

in the meantime, you’ll find me on twitter, screaming, always, about yoi, in a constant state of screaming, so you are all free do unfollow or blacklist yuuri on ice if it’s Not Your Thing because i’m going to be reblogging it nonstop for A While, and i will completely understand, but i am not getting out of this pit anytime soon because someone out there decided to make an anime according to everything i want and need to see and all my favorite narrative tropes, an anime that is not very far from reaching utter perfection in my eyes.

I was so pleased with myself this morning. I ate real food for breakfast! I woke up on time and responded to my emails! I made myself coffee! I got all of my schoolwork done when it was due! I took a shower! I left on time!

I’m so mad, why am I an adult? I deserve to get rewarded when I manage the bare minimum, like when I was a preschooler. Where is my “did basic adult things while chronically ill” sticker? :|

anonymous asked:

hi, i'm the anon from awhile ago who was asking about autism self-diagnosis. i had saved your reply and i just read it again and i wanted to thank you for being so nice and helpful. i've done some more reading since and i think it's more than likely that i'm autistic, tho idk if i'll ever feel comfortable saying so publicly (esp since my best friend is anti self-dx, so i can't even tell them), but at least i feel like i understand myself more now ;v; so anyway, thanks for being cool

I’m always glad to help, anon.

Please let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you.

I am here, if you need me.

anonymous asked:

You mean the Taurus crush?? Fuck him, we moving on to gym guy.

yeah im over him. we were gonna go to a mutual friend’s karaoke party tomorrow night and i texted another friend asking her if she was going and she said she didnt know but also that i wasnt gonna want to go and i said why? and shes like because my crush is bringing some girl. so im over it.

Listen this year, 2016, i changed myself i got healthier and smaller and the love I have for myself is beyond any guy. I love myself and I know I deserve the best. Man or No man I AM a prize and I will remain that way. No more pinning no more wishful thinking no more thinking why am i not good enough because guess what?? I am good enough, he’s the idiot who can’t see what’s right in front of him. So i dont hate him nor am i mad im just done. i got life to live and shit to do. so yeah on to the gym guy and any other guy i choose to pay attention to

Revelation (06/12/16): Om is my king and Annika is forever my queen

These two were commendable today (yesterday), and I was so impressed by Om and I’m just so happy that Annika is still fighting for herself against everyone, and her character didn’t get butchered

I’m not going to give a detailed summary because I really want to watch the next episode, so these are just my general thoughts:

I loved how Annika literally showed Tia her place, I was having enough of this, give me my shoes and make me wear them, the sass there was very much appreciated, it was Annika’s way of saying, I still can fight for myself 

Originally posted by sayitlikeboehmi

AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON OM, THIS MAN PROVES TO ME TIME AND TIME AGAIN HOW WONDERFUL HE IS. I am so excited to see more of Annikara’s bond mainly because of how much respect Om has for Annika, he never forgets how much Annika has done for his family and I can’t wait to get all the feels…

And finally, Annika’s legendary dialogue, “aapne meri kamzori se meri taakat ko haara diya” She let him know each and every fucking thing he did wrong to her and how she isn’t going to break no matter how much he hurts her. It was literally like “fuck you Shivaay, but I love myself more”

Overall, an amazing episode which gave me hope for this track

Sitting in my floor sobbing thinking of killing myself….
Crying Cus I’m so happy laying on the floor……
Crying Cus if have to pray to god for forgiveness for what I am gonna(had done)do…..
Her walking in and finding me…too late like always…..too late….hrs later Cus she was too busy to answer my last calls…ignored my last texts…..
Hoping she didn’t think it was her fault….
Hoping she won’t call 911…..
Her holding me as I’m slowly dying……and happy Cus I’m finally being held by her and she’s doing somthing….yet she was too late…..

This is my friend, Pepper. I’ve had him since I was four and he was just an egg. He’s 20 now, and he’s not doing so well. 

Some of you know him from this blog, some of you may have just seen some of his posts around Tumblr, and for some of you this may be the first time you’re seeing him. For over a year Pepper has gained followers and made friends through the bird community here on Tumblr. He’s been with me through so much and now I want to there for him. I’m hoping that you guys will help me with that. 

This morning I woke up to find Pepper had vomited all over himself. I washed him up and he is currently in a hospital cage. He’s continued to periodically vomit, and he is very fluffed up and sleepy. He is sick. I am not sure what’s wrong yet. I made an appointment for him with an avian vet, but they won’t be able to see him until tomorrow. 

These things always seem to happen at the worst time. I’m in a bit of a bind financially at the moment. I was told it would be $65 for the vet to see Pepper plus additional fees for any tests they have to run and medications. 

I can cover some of this, but I will have to dig into my rent money. I do not yet know how much this will cost, but vet bills for small animals like birds can really pile up. I’m asking for $250 to help cover what will likely be a high bill tomorrow. All of this will go towards my birds. If there is extra money, I will put it away specifically in case an emergency like this happens again. I hate to ask my followers and Tumblr for this, and I want to make it the last time. 

I do not possess the words to describe to you what this little cockatiel means to me. I barely have any memories of before he came into my life. Please, if you can donate, please do here. The site I am using (FundAnything) allows you to donate by PayPal or credit card. I will send thank you cards to anyone who donates. If you donate and would like one, please send me your address in an ask here on Tumblr. 

Even if you cannot donate, a signal boost would mean the world to me. 

Please help my friend. 


exactly six years later, and they still only have eyes for each other.