i am so done with everything that is life

Imagine Chris discovering just how much you love him. (Part B)

A/N: Part 2B, yo! I know I left you with a bit of a cliffhanger, but here it is; the notebook. 💕 (I’ve decided to make this my regular time to post now, just to catch the time zones.) You can read the related mini-series and the previous parts here: (Mini-series - Masterlist; Mini-series Spin-off: ‘Unexpected Reader’, ‘Little Ways Away’, and ‘She Said Yes’ - Masterlist; ‘Miss Graduate’: Part 1/Part 2A)

Chris Evans, if you are reading this then I somehow managed to get this notebook to you on my graduation day. I don’t know if you’ll read the whole thing, or if you’ll read this first page and throw it away thinking I’m absolutely insane. I don’t know because as much as I’d like to think I know you, I don’t and I don’t know if I’ll ever be lucky enough to. So let me just give you a quick rundown on what’s in this notebook, or what I’m planning to write in it.

Chris could hear your voice when he read your words; he could always hear your voice, and it always made him smile. He couldn’t believe that you’d think he’d throw away the notebook after reading just the first page. Whether or not he knew who you were- he would’ve let his curiosity take hold of him and read the whole thing from cover to cover. After that, he’d find you because if he fell for you through your mini series- he would’ve fallen for you through your innermost thoughts and feelings. He stopped thinking and continued reading, letting your voice speak to him again.

I guess I should introduce myself first to make this a little less weird. My name is Y/N Y/L/N and I’m- well, I’ll be twenty-two when you read this, but I am currently nineteen. As I’m writing this, I’ve got my acceptance letter into UCLA in front of me; I’ll be starting my first semester in January and I’m both terrified and excited to start this part of my life. The reason I’m telling you all this is because you are the reason I applied for UCLA in the first place. Without you, I would still be stuck in my comfort zone a million miles away from where I want to be. Without you, I wouldn’t have done what scared me. Without you, I wouldn’t be one step closer to fulfilling my dream of being a screenwriter. Whether or not you choose to read this whole thing, I want you to know how grateful I am towards you. I need you know how thankful I am for helping me move along in life. I promise that my first Oscar will be dedicated to you and everything you didn’t know you’ve done for me.

Chris rested the notebook page down on his lap and he ran a hand over his mouth as he fought the urge to tear up. Every time you thanked him for helping you get to and through UCLA, he got teary eyed because you were always so genuine with your gratefulness and appreciation. Now he accepted the thanks that helped you get through UCLA because he was there for you; he was your friend, then boyfriend, then fiancé while you were studying. But he didn’t even know you when you applied and got accepted, you could thank him all you want but he’d never claim the credit for helping you. He didn’t understand how- no matter how much you tried to explain it to him, he still believed he was just one of the pieces. Like with or without him, you would’ve eventually done something with your talent and gone to UCLA anyway. Every time he said that, you had to fight the urge to show him the notebook. You needed him to know everything so he’d stop brushing you off and crediting you for something that wouldn’t have happened without him.

He picked the notebook back up and continued to read.

Let’s see, the journey starts with my gap year. I took a gap year after I graduated from high school, unlike most of my class and school mates who knew exactly what they wanted to do and where they wanted to go. I had no clue, and when people asked me what I wanted to do- I found myself lying. I told everyone what they wanted and expected from me, but it made me feel like a fraud. I tried to find myself- to find a path I wanted to walk, but I always came up empty. As a kid when I found myself feeling lost or alone, I turned to writing because when I wrote- I could be whoever and do whatever I wanted. I could hide behind my words, drift off into a place far from everyone else- far from myself. I didn’t have to think or pretend because nothing bad happened in my stories, it was always perfect. Writing was an escape for me, it was my safe haven. And that, Chris, was where you came into play.

He loved the story of how you started writing about him, as did Sebastian and Ava. Why? Because you only started writing about him because you were writing about Sebastian and wanted to have a little bit of a love triangle happening. It was incredibly amusing and it was something he- and everyone loved teasing you about. But of course, the reason behind why you stopped writing about Sebastian and started writing about Chris and only Chris as your main love interest- that was too sweet to let even the hilarity of how you started ruin it. You said, and he could easily quote it because it was one of his favorite things ever, “the more I wrote about you, the less I wrote about Sebastian and the harder I fell for someone I didn’t know. You were perfect, Chris Evans. To me, for me- I couldn’t write about anyone else anymore.”

The notebook thoroughly explained everything, it said it all; how great an inspiration he was to you, how talented you thought he was, how much you’d love to work with him one day, and how much you truly loved him- but that came near the end after you started dating him. It was basically a journal, but instead of talking to yourself- you spoke to him. It became less formal and more casual as your relationship with him progressed, it became moments he missed that you wanted him to have and anecdotes of how you knew he was the one for you.

A personal favorite- of his and yours- a moment that secure feelings on both sides, that promised a possible lifetime together actually happened before the two of you dated. The day you skipped class and spent it with him, at Burbank and the Dolby Theater. It could’ve been considered a first date, except you went as friends, but it was still one of the most memorable days you’ve had together. It said so in your notebook, and even told him that was the moment you knew you’d fallen for him. Like actually fell- not as a fan, but as a girl who wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with a boy.

I just returned home after spending the day with you in Burbank and at the Dolby Theater, Chris, and I’m going to write everything that happened down now. I’m not doing this because I’m afraid we’ll forget it, I’m doing this because I want you to know exactly when I fell for you; today. Not you as in actor, Chris Evans. I meant you as in Chris Evans, the guy I always believed you were. The more time I spend with you, the more I realize how accurate I was about everything. You are as kind, as thoughtful, as sweet, and definitely as romantic as Fan fic Chris. I don’t know if we’ll ever be something more than just friends, but this is a feeling I want to share with you. I love you. I am in-love with you. To me- you are the one, and- Have you heard that song ‘One and Only’ by the Adele? Well, when I listen to that- I think of us, and more importantly how I feel about you. Now I know you’re not completely oblivious to my affections; you are a smart man, and you’ve read my mini-series. But until you tell me otherwise, I won’t be acting on anything. I can’t lose you as a friend, and I’d rather have you in my life than not have you at all.

Chris felt this eyes narrow slightly, 'One and Only’ by Adele. Had he heard it before? He didn’t know if he should continue reading, or listen to the song before he did. He was curious about both. He decided to continue reading first, he was already nearing the end. The last few entries detailed: the day after you got together, the trip to Boston, the rough patch, the proposal, the long weekend, and even the dinner you two had with Sebastian and Ava. He smiled when he read about the play fight you had out on the grass under the stars. He was glad you loved that moment as much as he did, that you thought it was worthy of being mentioned.

When all was read, he closed the notebook and hugged it to his chest. He was definitely going to keep this in a safe, safe place where no one but him could get to. He felt closer to you, and he fell deeper in-love with you. He didn’t have a doubt before about marrying you, but this somehow made him even more sure about the future he had with you. Neither of you were going anywhere, this was going to work out until you were both old and gray. He was sure of it, as were those who’d seen the two of you together.

Chris carried the notebook with him as he made his way over to your clutch where your phone was. He pulled it out and searched for the song, 'One and Only’ by Adele. He found it, grabbed his earphones, then walked to sit back down in his original spot on the couch. He closed his eyes and allowed the music to engulf his thoughts and feelings.

You’ve been on my mind
I grow fonder every day,
Lose myself in time
Just thinking of your face
God only knows
Why it’s taken me so long
To let my doubts go
You’re the only one that I want

I don’t know why I’m scared, I’ve been here before
Every feeling, every word, I’ve imagined it all,
You never know if you never try
To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I’m worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove that I’m the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts

If I’ve been on your mind
You hang on every word I say
Lose yourself in time at the mention of my name
Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close?
And have you tell me whichever road I choose you’ll go

I don’t know why I’m scared 'cause I’ve been h-

Chris pulled out his earphones before the song could finish, and boy were his tears rolling. If that was the song you thought about when you thought of him, he was overjoyed to have done what the song asked. He couldn’t imagine what his life would be like if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t be as happy and felt as loved as he did when he was with you. He understood it now, understood how much you truly loved him and why you always thanked him for finding his way into your life. He placed both notebook and your phone down on the coffee table then headed upstairs because he needed to see you and reciprocate the great love you carried for him.

He wiped his tears as he opened his bedroom door, soon to be yours too. He stood in the doorway and watched you sleep with the help of the soft lights in the hallway. God, did he love you with everything he had. He was ready and wanting to start the life you’d both talked about extensively. He quietly padded across the room, shushing Dodger who whined as Chris gently pushed him off you. He leaned over you and gently tucked his arms under your body, lifting you off the mattress to press you against him for a warm hug. You stirred in his arms and he gently drew his head back to smile at you before kissing your forehead.

“What are you doing?” You groaned, tired and drunk. “Chris, stop,” you whined and pushed your palms against his chest; he chuckled softly and released you from his arms. “What are you doing?” You quizzed again, blinking at the light peeking in through the ajar door.

“Nothing,” he shook his head. You felt your head pound as you turned, burying your face into your pillow. He remained hovering over you then sat down beside your hip, running his hand soothingly up and down your back. “I just love you.”

“Love me in the morning,” you mumbled into the pillow then fell right back to sleep.

“No,” he whispered with a smile, readjusting your hair so it wouldn’t tangle with your necklace. “I think I’m okay sticking to my original plan to love you every second of every moment of the rest of my life.” He leaned over and kissed the back of your head, smiling when he remembered the last paragraph he read in your notebook.

Honestly, Chris. If I don’t become a success in Hollywood; if all I’m known for is being your wife and the mother of your children; if that is all I can achieve in this lifetime, and any lifetimes after, I’d be perfectly contented and at peace with myself. Why, you ask? Because, my love, that is the greatest accomplishment one can achieve: to love unconditionally and earn that in return. So don’t fret if I don’t complete my goal of becoming a screenwriter because you are all I need now.

“The feeling is mutual, Y/N.”

Tags: @chrisevans-imagines @widowsfics @m-a-t-91 @xoxomioxoxo @imaginesofdreams @ateliefloresdaprimavera @katiew1973 @winter-tospring @shamvictoria11 @caitsymichelle13 @michellekeehlmello @letterstomyself21 @soymikael @faye22 @always-an-evans-addict @sammyrenae68 @brobrobreja @elizabeth-matsuoka @thegirlwiththeimpala @camerica96 @heartblackerthancoffee @whenyourealizethisisntagoodname @yourtropegirl @smoothdogsgirl @createdbytinyaddiction @siofrataylor @dreamingintheimpalawithdean @imaginary-world-of-mine @wanderingkat77 @grantward3 @rileyloves5 @chrsmom302 @buckys-shield @mylittlefandomfanfictions @breezykpop @catch-me-im-a-falling-star @tabi-toast @ssweet-empowerment @hayleesteashoppe @chrixa @feelmyroarrrr @akidura79 @louisespecter @castellandiangelo @ccrossfire @assxmblesstuff @edward-lover18 @princessesnaddy @1d-niallerbieberforever @dxbrevgrey @bellastellaluna @christopher-or-steven @brokenwingsxix @yourenotrogers @im-a-fandom-slut @royalexperiment256 @palaiasaurus64 @mysteriouslyme81 @captainumeboshi @avengingalec @tacohead13 @badassbaker @pegasusdragontiger @evanstanimagines @avengersgirllorianna @sfreeborn @dorisagent101 @antisocial-angel13 @mizzzpink @aekr @scarltvison @imagine-cats96 @adeptkillsyasse @shliic @ask-steverogers @justanotherfangurlz @winchesterandpie @creativeheartgemini @marie-writes-things @what-if-wenevermet 

I am… astounded.

Originally posted by vernybvitday

Trust me when I say that every day I am honestly baffled at the amount of love and support I get here. Never in my life would I have expected this. Every time I gain a new follower I think ‘What? Why would you want to follow me????’

But guys, I am so so so thankful. A year ago I thought no one would like my stuff and I quit every project I tried to make. The amount of confidence you guys make me feel is through the roof.

I always wanted to make a follower special or something but I have no idea what to do. So for now, I just want to thank you for everything you have done for me. Slowly, I am getting better, I’m starting to really live my life again. Thank you <3

Also, I want to get to know you guys a little better!

I sometimes feel so impersonal here because I keep thinking that maybe you don’t want that kinda stuff on your dash. But, I’m starting to accept that hey, this is my blog! And I’ll take a personal and genuine blog over a bot one any day.

So, if you’d like, you can send me an ask if you have any questions, requests or just to tell me about your day!

Again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, you’re all awesome :)

Any idea how many gay jokes there are?

I just want to point out something. A joke is only funny when it isn’t used ad nauseam.

So, basically, when can we say this isn’t a joke but that there’s serious intent? How many times before we can rightfully say: this isn’t a joke, this is a pattern. This isn’t a bonus, this is the heart of the text?

10? 15? 20? One per episode? Twice per episode?

(Brace yourself)

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My life feels like a badly written fan fiction with a good plot: it’s so awful and full of mistakes that I just don’t wanna go on, but I do want to know what happens next and how it ends.
—  Thoughts I’ll never speak out loud.
Actual Magic

A drabble from my sick bed - Emma has her happy beginning and I’ve been kinda wondering what comes next.  I know not everyone needs or wants to read about Swan-Jones babies, so warning that this deals with the idea of that, but with my own personal take on the subject.

I completely get where Emma is right now…she’s married and happy in that marriage.  Let’s be real…the idea of kids has already occurred to her, at least in the abstract when she saw Killian with Ashley’s kid at Granny’s.  This is my little take on what she may be thinking now that the wedding is over and the battle is done (let’s assume she’s won and everything is perfect).  I can see her struggling with the idea of kids, for lots of reasons and I kinda took it from there.

I’m going to be really transparent and admit that this is also a reflection on where I am personally in life.  Perhaps it’s uncouth to ask, but if you don’t like how this comes out, maybe keep it to yourself?  Life is imitating art in this instance and I’m baring my own insecurities and worries here, so be kind.  

If you don’t want to read about kids or babies or wondering about kids or babies, this should be a hard pass for you.    

Unedited and inspired by this:

Originally posted by onceland

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The Transition of Author to the Host (Markiplier Ego What-If)


I was once known as the Author. My real name is of no concern; I write under this pseudonym as knowing my identity would inflict great risk on my person.

It was a title bestowed upon me, with powers with unforeseen consequences.

My eyes could see the future. My hands can write the events I want to control. My voice can bring it to life.

I was gifted.

I was powerful.


I had the ability to control life, but I had to write it down and read it aloud for it to happen. I could manipulate so many things, and the power that I grasped- it was overwhelming to a normal person. I saw so many possibilites to an event, to a human, yet I could choose what reality can happen. From the infinite realities, paradoxes and parallels, I could twist someone’s life and make it the way I want.

I loved every second of it.

So many books, I published. People loved it. They tell me, “it feels so real”. They don’t know it is. Naive fools, they were.

Looking back to it, I would not blame them. I succumbed to this power as well.
When characters start to rebel, you feel like you’re losing hold. Yet I am the Author. I was not go down so easily.

…Would I?

It was a mistake. It was a mistake that I shouldn’t have done yet I did due to sheer arrogance and pride. I looked at my future and its infinite possibilities. I readied my pen beside me and decided, “Out of all lives I could control…I could control mine, and make my life the best. Twist everything into my control, let it spiral into my palm, and hold it with an iron grip.”

I should’ve seen the repercussions of my actions without using my power.

With how I was and the path I was taking at the time, I was connected to everyone else; even those who weren’t even born yet. Those who even had died. I looked too far. Spiderwebs of millions of possibilities for each human and event on this planet that I will try to take control of. The things I saw… It drove me crazy.

It wasn’t only my end that I saw. It was The End. I know of the saying that "All things die eventually” but at what cost? I was not cruel to every one. I was only cruel to the characters that had that storyline.  To destroy humankind? What a disappointing ending. Cliche, and I did not become famous because I was cliche.

It was horrifying to see myself that way. Yet I couldn’t turn away. I doomed the world, wasn’t I pathetic? What had gone into me? What was going on with me?

Power had driven me to the deep end. I was doing my first step just by doing this, this horrible, unforgiving, neglectful, inconsiderate act!

And then, I knew what I had to do. I looked at myself, and made a decision I never thought I would ever do. I went to my writing desk, lost in my thoughts.

These eyes…. these eyes that made me see the future.

These hands that helped me write one’s life down.

This voice that brought the stories into reality.

I had to change the course of this world’s horrible ending, myself be damned. I had to write, write, write, write everything down.

I wrote endlessly. Planning the best course of action, for the best ending. I had to search the world and see who to control best for this world to be saved. My hands ached, begging for rest. I didn’t pay attention to it. They screamed in agony, days upon days writing. I steeled my nerves and continued.

My eyes, my eyes that saw the futures, they watered, dried up, and bled.  It was a disgusting mess to even stop to tie a strip of cloth around my eyes to cover them, and it was even more revolting that I had to replace and wash it all the time. The blood, they went everywhere when they fully soak the cloth. It was only through the years that I have spent writing was I able to accomplish my goal.

My voice, silenced, as I conserved my energy. White noise filled the room, and I realized how alone I am. So many characters yet no one that I really know of. So many characters yet they rebelled against me, angry at me.

The book, the last book I had to finish. The book that I know by heart. The book, that I know, even if I was not reading it directly, was already embedded on paper. The course of the world controlled by selected prominent figures. My plan to change the path that I had destroyed into a better one.

My eyes, bleeding endlessly, through several stained bandages wrapped around my head.

My hands, writing endlessly, a mangled mess, now resting on weary arms, never able to write anything anymore.

A sacrificial act by my own hand? What a surprise. A twist that I did not see. I have to hand it to fate, or maybe destiny, or just plain old, cruel life. You truly have made a perfect concoction of the definition of a cliffhanger.

I was done. Finally done.

A relieved sigh escaped me. Hopefully by the choices that I wrote down, a better ending will be achieved. All is left for me to do is to let the key players do their own part of this massive game, these series of programs of life.

All is left for me is to be the Host.

By this point, everything is a cliffhanger.
.
.
.
I opened my mouth, and spoke in a voice not louder than a whisper.
“Brought forward in order to confront a rising crisis, a man organizes a meeting….”


To the peeps I know who loves doing theories and whatnot: @lowat-golden-tower, @jeaniplier, @angstphilosophy, @s-t-s-g, @markired, and to anyone who would like to pitch in their thoughts, I’ll be glad to see!

Let It Go: Arrow 5x21 Review (Honor Thy Fathers)

See… this is what happens when I don’t pull all nighters. My life interferes with my ability to write insanely long reviews. Sorry for the wait my friends. Your patience is appreciated.

There comes a moment in every person’s life when you realize your life is your own, a separate entity beyond your parent’s expectations and dreams for you. You also see your parents for what they are… imperfect people just like you. There is freedom in these realizations and it is a crucial part of adulthood. As you grow older, your life is less and less defined by being what your parents leave behind. You begin to wonder what you will leave behind. You define a legacy for yourself. You learn how to live for yourself.

That is essentially the process both Oliver and Thea are going through in “Honor Thy Fathers” but because they are superheroes everything is on a super scale. Both Oliver and Thea faced their past tonight. They saw Robert Queen for who he really was and with those lessons came a certain peace. The past is no longer weighing them down. Both Thea and Oliver are free to look to the future.

Not quite sure what to do with a television show that gives me everything I’ve been waiting for on a narrative level. So… Imma gonna drink wine and throw confetti.

Originally posted by unemployedbuthappy

Let’s dig in…

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(this is my first masterpost sorry if it’s bad) A bullet journal has a lot of uses. A planner, homework reminders, to-do lists- but understandably, some pages could use a little of inspiration. And what better inspiration than from artists? Even without a bullet journal, quotes can be a great thing to decorate journals, your room, etcetera. So, I’ve compiled a list of quotes (some aren’t very motivational) by some of your favorite artists!

VINCENT VAN GOGH

“I dream of painting and then I paint my dream.”

“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?”

“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.”

“I wish they would only take me as I am.”

“In spite of everything I shall rise again; I will take up my pencil, which I have forsaken in my great discouragement, and I will go on with my drawing.”

“I see drawings and pictures in the poorest of huts and the dirtiest of corners.”

“One must work and dare if one really wants to live.”

“For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.“

“I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.”

“Be clearly aware of the stars and infinity on high. Then life seems almost enchanted after all.“

“If you truly love nature, you will find beauty everywhere.”

“I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart.”

PABLO PICASSO

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.“

“Art is a lie that makes us realize truth.”

“Everything you can imagine is real.“

“Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.”

“Action is the foundational key to all success.“

"It takes a long time to become young.”

“Youth has no age.”

“Art is the elimination of the unnecessary.”

“Sculpture is the art of the intelligence.”

“Are we to paint what’s on the face, what’s inside the face, or what’s behind it?”

“Give me a museum and I’ll fill it.”

“To copy others is necessary, but to copy oneself is pathetic.”

SALVADOR DALI

“Have no fear of perfection - you’ll never reach it.“

"Drawing is the honesty of the art. There is no possibility of cheating. It is either good or bad.”

“Those who do not want to imitate anything, produce nothing.”

“Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings.”

“There is only one difference between a madman and me. The madman thinks he is sane. I know I am mad.”

“What is important is to spread confusion, not eliminate it.”

“I am not strange. I am just not normal.”

“It is not necessary for the public to know whether I am joking or whether I am serious, just as it is not necessary for me to know it myself.”

“Everything alters me, but nothing changes me.”

“So little of what could happen does happen.”

“Give me two hours a day of activity, and I’ll take the other twenty-two in dreams.”

“The secret of my influence has always been that it remained secret.”

JACKSON POLLOCK

“The painting has a life of its own. I try to let it come through.”

“Painting is self-discovery. Every good artist paints what he is.”

“My painting does not come from the easel.”

“When I am in my painting, I’m not aware of what I’m doing.”

“Love is friendship set to music.”

“The painter locks himself out of his own studio. And then has to break in like a thief.”

“The modern artist is working with space and time, and expressing his feelings rather than illustrating.”

“Energy and motion made visible- memories arrested in space.”

“Abstract painting is abstract. It confronts you. There was a reviewer a while back who wrote my pictures didn’t have any beginning or any end. He didn’t mean it as a compliment, but it was.”

“I’m very representational some of the time, and a little all of the time. But when you’re painting out of your unconscious, figures are bound to emerge.”

“Abstract art should be enjoyed just as music is enjoyed- ater awhile you may like it or you may not.”

“Each age finds its own technique… I mean, the strangeness will wear off and I think we will discover the deeper meanings in modern art.“

CLAUDE MONET

“I must have flowers always and always.”

“Color is my daylong obsession, joy and torment.“

“Everyone discusses my art and pretends to understand, as if it were necessary to understand, when it is simply necessary to love.”

“My garden is my most beautiful masterpiece.“

“I would like to paint the way a bird sings.”

“The more I live, the more I regret how little I know.“

“I perhaps owe having become a painter to flowers.”

“I can only draw what I see.“

“What keeps my heart awake is colorful silence.”

“The richness I achieve comes from nature, the source of my inspiration.“

“I don’t think I’m made for any earthly kind of pleasure.”

“The light constantly changes, and that alters the atmosphere and beauty of things every minute.“

GEORGIA O’KEEFFE

“Nobody sees a flower- really- it is so small it takes time- we haven’t time - and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time.”

“If you take a flower in your hand and really look at it, it’s your world for a moment.”

“I wish people were all trees and I think I could enjoy them then.”

“To create one’s world in any of the arts takes courage.”

“I decided to accept as true my own thinking.”

“You are one of my nicest thoughts.”

“It’s not enough to be nice in life. You’ve got to have nerve.”

“I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn’t say any other way… things I had no words for.”

“I think it’s so foolish for people to want to be happy. Happy is so momentary–you’re happy for an instant and then you start thinking again. Interest is the most important thing in life; happiness is temporary, but interest is continuous.”

“Where I was born and where and how I have lived is unimportant. It is what I have done with where I have been that should be of interest.”

“I can’t live where I want to, I can’t go where I want to go, I can’t do what I want to, I can’t even say what I want to. I decided I was a very stupid fool not to at least paint as I wanted to.”

“I’m frightened all the time. But I never let it stop me. Never!”

LEONARDO DA VINCI

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”

“As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well spent brings happy death.”

“Art is never finished, only abandoned.”

“Why does the eye see a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination when awake?”

“Tears come from the heart and not from the brain.”

“Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence.”

“The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding.”

“Learning never exhausts the mind.”

“While I thought I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.”

“Study without desire spoils the memory, and it retains nothing that it takes in.”

“I love those who can smile in trouble…”

“It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.”

FRIDA KAHLO

“I don’t paint dreams or nightmares, I paint my own reality.”

“I paint flowers so they will not die.”

“I paint myself because I am so often alone and because the subject I know best.”

“I think that little by little I’ll be able to solve my problems and survive.”

“Nothing is absolute.”

“Everything changes, everything moves, everything revolves, everything flies and goes away.”

“My painting carries with it the message of pain.”

“There is nothing more precious than laughter.”

“Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly?”

“I paint flowers so they will not die.”

“The only thing I know is that I paint because I need to, and I paint whatever passes through my head without any other consideration.”

“I am my own muse, I am the subject I know best. The subject I want to know better.”

HENRI MATISSE

“There are always flowers for those who want to see them.”

“I don’t paint things. I only paint the difference between things.”

“Don’t wait for inspiration. It comes while one is working.”

“Creativity takes courage.”

“An artist must not feel under any constraint.”

“We ought to view ourselves with the same curiosity and openness with which we study a tree, the sky or a thought, because we too are linked to the entire universe.”

“A certain blue enters your soul. A certain red has an effect on your blood-pressure.”

“Art should be something like a good armchair in which to rest from physical fatigue.”

“To look at something as though we had never seen it before requires great courage.”

“Impressionism is the newspaper of the soul.”

“In love, the one who runs away is the winner.”

“Cutting into color reminds me of the sculptor’s direct carving.”

MICHELANGELO

“I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.”

“If people knew how hard I had to work to gain my mastery, it would not seem so wonderful at all.”

“Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I can accomplish.”

“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”

“Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.”

“Genius is eternal patience.”

“The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection.”

“A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.”

“Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.”

“Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.”

“There is no greater harm than that of time wasted.”

“I am still learning.”

One day, I’ll let Sleeping with sirens know how much they mean to me. I’ll tell them how much they impacted my life and how they helped me so many times through so many things. They saved me, and i want to thank them for that, thank them for everything they have done to help me live, be happy, and be who i am today.

2

i actually have quite a few fave t-shirts (makes sense because i love them in real life) check them out!!

  1. servobride’s crop tshirts - unfortunately unavailable but you can download a recolour with the mesh included at the link :-)
  2. marvinsims’ boat neck tees
  3. mylssimblr’s sim pop culture tshirts
  4. bratsims’ snack tees - so cute i die
  5. my rose tits tshirt - sorry LOL but i love having my sims wear this as pjs tbh :’-)

other lists I’ve done can be found here, I think I’ve covered the bulk of everything I could possibly do, if there’s still one not there that you want - go ahead and hit me up :’-) (quick reminder i am on hiatus!)

Jumin Cheating Fan Fic~ Final Chapter.

Warning! This has some self harm/ suicide triggers!! do not read if that bothers you! - Admin Abby

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Also the song is If you don’t know by Five Seconds of Summer


Saeran felt anxiety feel his chest as you hadn’t been answering your phone. He had knew about what happened with a Jumin but had decided that giving you time was best. He had enough of guilt eating at him and immediately tracked your phone, finding that you were at your old apartment. He sped there, not caring about the dangers that could’ve happened. 

 Once he had gotten to your apartment he knocked several times but still got no response.

 "MC! Open the door! I know your in here!“ He yelled and got more anxious as time passed and you still hadn’t opened the door.

 He looked around and saw a small key in the plant you had beside your door. He quickly unlocked the door and raced to your room. The bathroom was blaring with music and the light was on. He banged on the door, calling out your name.

 "MC, open the fucking door!” He screamed, hoping you would hear him over the loud music.

 He kicked open the door and the horrific sight in front of him made him weak to his knees. His best friend, whom he had been in love with for the last four years, was lying on the floor bleeding to death.

 Rage had filled his gut. It was has all his fault. If it doesn’t for him, you would’ve still been here. Or maybe he was too slow? How’ve he let you get away so easily? How did you slip right through his fingers? He hadn’t gotten to your house in time. Your limp body was already on the floor, blood all over your clothes. You looked pale, lifeless. Hot tears poured out of his eyes as the memories of you flooded into his mind. Your beautiful smile and contagious laugh.

 The first time he had ever talked to you, he still regrets that day. The way he treated you now. He never knew that he would ever fall in love. He would crush anyone that hurt you. He held your light body in his arms as his tears dripped onto your pale face. He had called an ambulance and rocked your lifeless body in his arms. How had he let you slip right through his finger tips? He was used to people coming and going but with you it was different.

 I want you to want me to stay

 He wanted you to be with him. He couldn’t lose you. You were the person he was the most scared to lose. You had helped him though all his problems. You had believed him and had hope in him even when he did terrible things to you and treated you like you were worthless. You were all he wanted but you fell in love with another man before he had the chance to confess. 

 And I need you to need me to stay

 He needed you. All he needed was you to be okay. You still had a heart beat. He tried to stop the bleeding however he couldn’t control his tears and his sobs. The fear of losing you was becoming too real. He held you tight against his body and laid a kiss upon your forehead.

 "You idiot. I thought you were stronger than this. You saved me so I’ll the same for you. I’m sorry.. I shouldn’t have let you go with that stupid rich kid. I’ll fix you like you fixed me. I’ll crush whoever tries to hurt you again.“ He choked as his sobs got in the way.

 The nurses had rushed in the house and picked up your limp body, placing it on the stretcher. 

 If you don’t know then just let me go

 Jumin didn’t know how to feel when he got the news of you attempting suicide. He felt his heart stop and his blood run cold. He wanted to rush to the hospital and see you immediately but he felt like such a coward. All his stupid mistakes could’ve led to your death. Just the thought of you being gone forever broke him. He didn’t deserve you. After everything he did, he knew you deserved better. Maybe he should just let you go. Let you be free. He had left you to deal with all the pain and suffering while he was with another woman.

 "Babe?” His mistress called out, placing a hand on his shoulder.

 He stood up and pushed her hand off his shoulder.

 "I have to go. When I come back I expect you to not be here. I don’t want to have this relationship with you where I do not reciprocate the same feelings. I am sorry.“ He stated before exiting the room.

 "Driver Kim, please drive me to the hospital. I need to be there immediately. I am in a rush, so please hurry.” He said and got into the back of his limousine.

 Time seemed to be going in slow motion while he was being driven to the hospital. Guilt was eating away at him. He would never forgive himself for hurting the person that was so precious to him. He wanted you. He loved you. He wouldn’t let you go if his life depended on it. He never knew how tight a grip he had on your heart. He had completely ripped your heart out and broke it into a million pieces. He hadn’t expected you to ever forgive him. He won’t ever forgive himself for hurting you to such an extent to where you thought that suicide was the only answer.

 As he arrived to the hospital, his heart raced. He rushed to your room after singing in.

 Saeran’s eyes darkened with anger as the saw him.

 "What the hell do you think you’re doing here?! You don’t deserve to see her! You fucking asshole! You’re a poor excuse for a man!“ Saeran yelled in his face as he grabbed his collar and pulled him down.

 "If she doesn’t survive I swear to god I’ll kill you.” He growled and swung his fist hard against his face, letting him go.

 Jumin winced at the pain and grabbed his cheek. “I know I do not deserve her, however I will try my best to make sure she survives. I will-“ 

 "Just shut up already. Your voice is irritating me.” Saeran growled.

 Go ahead rip my heart out, if you think that’s what loves all about

 Jumin straightened out his jacket and walked into the hospital room. His heart dropped as he saw your small frame on the bed hooked up to machines. He sat on the chair next to your bed.

 "MC, I am so sorry for everything that I’ve done. I don’t know if you can hear me, but I love you. I made terrible mistakes that I regret. I never meant to hurt you. I know I don’t deserve such a wonder person like you. I am sorry that I’ve caused you so much pain to the point of you finding the need to end your life. I know you are stronger than this. I need you to fight okay? I can’t lose you. I need you. The RFA needs you. Please just-“ he interrupted by sound of the heart monitor going flat.

 Tears started to fill his eyes realizing what that meant.

 "M-MC! No! Someone help!” He called out as he felt his blood run cold and his hands shake.

 Nurses and doctors rushed and lead out the door.

 He couldn’t breathe. He felt his whole world come crashing down. You were gone. There was no going back anymore. He could never fix his mistakes. His heart was beating fast and the world around him seemed to be blurred.

 There was no light at the end of the tunnel. Just a world of darkness that was swallowing him up. There was nothing left for him. Never in his life had he ever felt this much pain before. He never even had the chance to say good bye.

 The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained.

You know there’s no going back don’t you… You can never undo what you’ve done. You can never come back and have everything be like it was. I’m different now… I love you differently. Not less, just differently. There’s a painful edge to that love now and it cuts me like a knife. Perhaps it’s the harshness of the reality you left me in; the knowledge that I am expendable for your ambitions, that I can be so easily cast aside to make way for your life’s other loves.
So if it doesn’t work out for you don’t think that you could come back and simply pick up where we left off, no matter how much I may still love you. I am not the kind of person you can leave behind and come back to. If you close a door on me I lock it, so it’s not simply a matter of opening it and walking back into my life…. it’s whether or not I let you back in.

anonymous asked:

Hi! Can you please do a RFA+V reacts to an MC that constantly trash talks Rika please ❤️

A/N: God damn I hate Rika lemme at her ~Admin 404

if y'all are reading this and actually like Rika im sorry but she can catch these fists

*YOOSUNG:

           -MC please stop that

           -He like WORSHIPS his cousin

           -Even after everything is done he still does and he just

           -Why would you say such nasty things about his cousin??? MC that isn’t alright

           -Throws fits all the time. Full on will pout and throw himself to the floor until you apologize

           -HATES IT

           -Loves you, but hates the things you say about his cousin

           -He’s very loving to absolutely everyone and cannot wrap his head around why you would say such mean things about his own family???

           -You work on keeping your opinions to yourself and he’s so proud of you <3

           - but you mainly hold your tongue because you love him and yandere yoosung is scary

*ZEN:

           -MC!

           -TALKING SHIT ABOUT PEOPLE IS VERY RUDE!

           -He thought Rika was really sweet!

           -Of course he was closer with V than he was with Rika and all, but he never saw a reason to dislike her

           -Every time you go to say something bad about her, he’s right there with a finger to your lips

           -“No MC, you don’t talk ill about people, it makes you ugly on the inside”

           - you talk bad about jumin though so like um should we talk about that zen

           -Now yes, you’re allowed to have you opinions, as long as you express them without hate

           -Hate is very strong, MC, don’t just throw it around

           -Eventually you just…kinda stop? Because you don’t end up saying anything anyway since he’s always right there to remind you that it’s bad to talk about people

*JAEHEE:

           -She wasn’t very close to Rika (Since she joined the RFA late and all)

           -But she thought she was a nice and kind person

           - so pure so innocent

           -So when you say something negative about her the first time she’s surprised

           -First, she never expected you to be the type to talk shit about others

           -Second she just can’t see why you would say such things about Rika???

           -Most of the time she just lets you say what you want because they weren’t close enough to know what she was truly like and defend her

           -Like she can’t confirm nor deny that she’s crazy, it’s your opinion and she can’t change that

           -Isn’t the type to talk shit but she’s definitely down for a little gossip if you wanna tone it down a bit

           -As long as you take into consideration other people’s feelings  *coughYoosungcough* and don’t say anything to intentionally harm someone, whatever MC

*JUMIN:

           -“MC you shouldn’t talk like that”

           - i can talk how i wanna thank you very much mr trustfund kid

           -He obviously knows she’s done some bad things but he can’t talk ill about her

           -Sure he used to have feelings for her and all but that’s not what keeps him from being negative

           -He’s just not the type so see a point in it

           -What will talking shit bring you? What will it fix? What use is it? There is no use for it

           -You can talk all you want but most of the time he just stays quiet and lets it slide

           -But some of the words that come out of your mouth MC, how can such a pretty mouth say such dirty words

           - lets see how dirty your mouth can get, wink wonk im soRRY

           -Just please don’t say anything extremely rude, he doesn’t like it, people deserve some sort of level of respect

*SAEYOUNG:

           -Preeeetty sure he’d hate her at the end of it all because???

           -She brain washed his brother and all this shit?????

           -No thank you

           -Wouldn’t say anything when you say negative things about her

           -Gets quiet and just nods

           -He doesn’t bring anything up but if you’re already talking about her, he’ll input his opinion if you want it

           -Actually thinks it’s a little funny? Because you’re just so feisty and just bring it up randomly

           -Y'all could be laying in bed, 2 AM, almost asleep, and you just whisper “god I hate her”

           -And he can’t help but laugh because it’s just so out of nowhere

           -Just wow MC, you can hold a grudge can’t you?

*V:

           -MC that was the love of his life at one time

           -Yes, he knows that she’s crazy but he still loved her

           -Yes, he loves you now, but still

           -He isn’t the type to hold grudges or to really talk ill about someone

           -Understands that you’re angry about everything she’s done and everything she’s put him through

           -Lowkey takes it as a compliment because wow you love me this much to hate this person

           -But is also like “MC hate is a strong word- MC YOU SHOULDN’T CALL ANYONE THAT NAME THAT IS A BAD WORD”

           - okay but listen v,,,,, am i wrong???? no i am not

           -Just quietly listens to you rant and say what you want most of the time because you’re allowed to have your own opinions

           -But you can’t help but apologize because?? He’s so sweet and it’s kind of heartbreaking to talk about his past love that way when it was very obvious he really loved her

*SAERAN:

           -“Fuck her she’s crazy” “I know right?”

           -Seriously I think he’d talk shit too

           -Like sure at one point he was like “THIS IS MY SAVIOUR” but once he’s gotten help and like out of her control

           -Wouldn’t you talk shit too??

           -At the beginning I’m sure he’d get angry and tell you to just knock it off

           -But as time goes on I think he’d start to realize how terrible she really is

           -So go ahead MC, trash talk all you want

           -He’ll just nod along or tell you some things you didn’t even know about her

           -Loves the fire you get in your eyes when you talk about it though because WOW

           -You care about him that much??? To have these feelings towards her??? That strongly???

anonymous asked:

Kagehina. Nervous Kags proposing to Hinata right after they won the final match

Thanks for the sweet prompt Anon! Here we gooooo

“Tobio-chan~” Oikawa sang. Kageyama stopped walking and turned around to face the other setter. 

“Oikawa-san,” he responded curtly, he really didn’t want to do this today. He and Oikawa had been better since they were both on the national team, but their competitiveness also skyrocketed. Whatever Oikawa was in such a cheery mood about, he didn’t want to hear it.

“Don’t be like that Tobio-chan~ I’m just checking on my favorite rival,” he smiled cheerfully. While the smile was cheerful, his eyes held another emotion, it looked like concern. 

“Checking on me?” Kageyama asked, raising one eyebrow. He didn’t understand.

“Well, yeah,” he said, a serious look coming over him. “When you’re nervous before a game you just file your nails or sit with Chibi-chan, you never wander around. I get that this is the biggest game of our career, being the Olympics and all, but this isn’t like you.”

He was right, Kageyama never did this before a game. It might be the Olympic final, but he always went into every game the same, so what was different this time?

“What is it?” Oikawa asked, sensing the younger boy’s train of thought.

“We really need to win this game,” he responded, his voice almost a whisper.

“And why is that? Don’t say because it’s the Olympics, because I know that’s not it,” Oikawa pushed, tilting his head. Kageyama sighed, maybe it would help telling someone.

“It wouldn’t be right if we didn’t win. If this is going to work, we have to win,” he answered bluntly.

“What are you scheming?” Oikawa asked, a slight smile on his face. Of course he knew. Of course.

“I…a…I want to propose,” he admitted, looking down at his shoes. 

“Well then, let’s go kick some butt,” Oikawa grinned, grabbing Kageyama and dragging him to the court. 

The game was crazy to say the least. Kageyama was on the bench the first two sets, Oikawa in as setter. He was okay with it though, it gave him more time to watch his boyfriend, something he never got tired of. The first set went to Japan, Hinata scoring the final point. The second set was close, but the opposing team took it in the end. Kageyama switched with Oikawa in the middle of the third set, which also went to the opposing team, this time not as close. With Kageyama now in, the fourth set was taken with ease, Bokuto taking the final point. They went into the final set tied, 2-2. This was it, all or nothing. It was a fierce back and fourth battle, but in the end, Japan emerged victorious. 

“Tobio!” Hinata screamed as he jumped on his back, almost falling to the floor. Kageyama was nervous, they had won, which was a good thing, but now he didn’t have an excuse. He saw Oikawa out of the corner of his eye walking towards him, a small box in his hand. As he passed by, he handed the box to Kageyama, walking away with a wink. Kageyama took a deep breath, now or nothing.

“Shouyo,” he started, pulling the other boy off his back. Hinata looked back at him curiously. Now or never. 

“Shouyo,” he repeated, running his free hand through his hair. “When I first met you, I was confused, amazed, and angry. I was amazed at how much effort you put into volleyball, I was angry that you weren’t using your full potential, and I was confused why I hadn’t met you sooner. In the entire three months between that first meeting and our meeting at Karasuno, I thought about you everyday, I wondered what you were doing, if you were playing volleyball. I wondered how much better you would be next time we met. I don’t know how we both ended up at Karasuno, but I like to think it was fate. It was because I met you that I was able to leave behind my past self, it was because of you that I actually started to enjoy volleyball again. In all the years that I have known you, I’ve been able to experience so many things, all because of you. Because of you, I am who I am today, and I love you so much for sticking by me through everything. I was terrified when I accidentally confessed to you in second year, but it ended up being the best thing I’ve ever done. Well, hopefully second best,” he took a deep breath and got down on his knee, pulling the box open in front of him. “Hinata Shouyo, would you make today the best day of my life? No matter what the future holds, I want us to go through it together. I guess what I’m trying to say is, will you marry me?” 

Everything froze. Time, movement, everything. Kageyama held his breath, waiting for Hinata to do something, anything. Shock complete took over Hinata, and Kageyama wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. The shock slowly melted from his face, taken over instead by the largest, brightest smile Kageyama had ever seen.

“Of course I’ll marry you!” he cheered, rushing forward and tackling Kageyama in a hug. Towering over him, Hinata leaned in for the most passionate kiss Kageyama had ever experienced. This was happening, Hinata had said yes. 

There, on the volleyball court, where so much had happened, from fights to first kisses, a new chapter opened. 

Kageyama couldn’t wait for the rest of their lives.