i am ruined by these men

8

make me choose: mishacolins asked: bard or bain?

i am bard, and by my hand was the dragon slain and your treasure delivered. Is that not a matter that concerns you? moreover i am by right descent the heir of girion of dale, and in your hoard is mingled much of the wealth of his halls and towns, which old smaug stole. is not that a matter of which we may speak? further in his last battle smaug destroyed the dwellings of the men of esgaroth, and i am yet the servant of their master. i would speak for him and ask whether you have no thought for the sorrow and misery of his people. they aided you in your distress, and in recompense you have thus far brought ruin only, though doubtless undesigned.

  • me, an actual bisexual: I'm excited about this one character being confirmed bi because it's nice to have fictional characters I can relate to, even if their sexuality isn't a big deal in their story.
  • some anti-sjw demon on tumblr dot com: WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE ABOUT GENDER AND SEXUALITY WITH YOU PEOPLE???!1! PC CULTURE IS RUINING FILM!!!1!11! MOVIES WERE BETTER WHEN THEY WERE ALL ABOUT STRAIGHT MEN
SUPER TEXT LIST! (Texts From Last Night Inspired)

originally from frommemetoyou

  • [text] Are you lost?
  • [text] NO! That was a typo
  • [text] Did you buy it?
  • [text] I think I’m a mermaid
  • [text] I know it’s 3am, but come over and cook for me. 
  • [text] Too lazy to booty call, so have this text instead
  • [text] Need to bury a body, it’s urgent.
  • [text] Are you sure there’s no monsters?
  • [text] It was an accident.
  • [text] lol fuk da police
  • [text] send me a picture and i’ll be home quicker ;)
  • [text] DO NOT READ THE LAST MESSAGE IT WASN’T MEANT FOR YOU
  • [text] Well maybe I broke my tongue!
  • [text] Please tell me you’re free today! I’ve got some big news today.
  • [text] Got a spare ticket, do you want to come?
  • [text] Do you have a spare mankini I can borrow?
  • [text] Is fancy dress allowed at the wedding?
  • [text] I was using my old baby blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
  • [text] We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead… I just rolled off and tapped out. 
  • [text] Like alphabetically, I’d say a t?
  • [text] I’m sorry if throwing up in the back of your dad’s car ruined our friendship :(
  • [text] there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night singing karaoke and drink out of juice cartons. don’t judge me.
  • [text] I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn’t need it today.
  • [text] Do you know where I am?
  • [text] My wedding is in 5 hours and I have no idea where I am. Help!
  • [text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would get a piggy back ride home. I’ve never been so broken.
  • [text] Is “head down ass up” an appropriate way to say good morning?
  • [text] That is definitely not healthy, in fact I’m not sure it’s legal to send that sort of picture?
  • [text] There isn’t enough cookie dough ice cream at home, so I’ll be heartbroken tomorrow instead.
  • [text] Not sure if I took a nap or went to another dimension
  • [text] ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! HE IS A TRIPLET, WE DONT NEED TO FIGHT OVER HIM WE CAN HAVE AN ORGY INSTEAD
  • [text] No no don’t leave me, who’s going to walk me home
  • [text] She wheeled me home in a trolley and sad she loved me, I think I win.
  • [text] My dick just got serenaded.
  • [text] I ate the whole wheel of cheese. Help.
  • [text] I’ve been hiding under the bed for the past 20 minutes, and now they’re getting into it and it’s a little too late for me to jump out and surprise them. So expect a live sex updates
  • [text] The fridge is fully stocked. I’m either hallucinating or this is a miracle
  • [text] I need you to help me clean the house because I have visitors in less than an hour???
  • [text] Your brother is at the front door- WHAT DO I SAY?!
  • [text] It’s all fun and games till someone says you’re so pretty they could punch you and they, you know, punch you
  • [text] I’m in A&E but I don’t really know why
  • [text] Went to bed with a 10, just about woke up with a 2 and a half
  • [text] I think I’m officially a homewrecker because his wife just walked in screaming and he said it’s not what it looks like. I mean what else could it look like? I wasn’t trimming his hairs with my mouth?!
  • [text] My night ended with me crying in a gutter, I hate you.
  • [text] He’s decorated the toilet with his urine. I never want to see him ever again, tell him he has 2 minutes to get out of our house.
  • [text] Don’t talk to me! You tried to trade me for a glass of wine and a cigarette!
  • [text] I promise I’ll get everyone to jelly wrestle with us xox
  • [text] I am armed with a crown, a sash and a bouquet of flowers. Don’t test me.
  • [text] I think I got married last night?
  • [text] I think I got married on impulse last night… and after looking a second time, I don’t think i’ve made any mistakes.
  • [text] My mouth tastes like poor choices
  • [text] I didn’t let go of the mechanical bull, but they had to pull me off because… it was rough just the way I like it and I think that showed?
  • [text] If I say it was accidental you’ll just say I’m lying
  • [text] There is an alarming amount of glitter in my… everywhere
  • [text] You’re my hero
  • [text] You’re the worst thing to ever happen to me, thank you
  • [text] Have you ever had a good idea in your life?
  • [text] Are we going to end up in the hospital again?
  • [text] It’s not a good night if I don’t end up crying into your mother’s lap.
  • [text] Mark my words, your dad will be my sugar daddy, he’ll marry me and you’ll have to call me momma bear and I will interrupt your sex life with condoms and condiments.
  • [text] I’m may be allergic to nuts, but not his.
  • [text] She high fived me out of pity
  • [text] You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
  • [text] You just walked in, rated their performance, dragged in three other people to clap for them, then walked back out.
  • [text] You kept calling me baby Jesus and trying to see what wise men had to say about my hair…
  • [text] I am a responsible adult. I tied up my hair before I puked
  • [text] I am a responsible adult, I brought home a lost kitten and let it shit in your room
  • [text] I accidentally talked myself into a threesome, when did I become so smooth?
  • [text] It may or may not have been your sister…
  • [text] It may or may not have been your brother…
  • [text] If you’re not coming over with food, don’t come over at all
  • [text] Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My co-worker is talking to me about her birds having sex again…
  • [text] IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
  • [text] Buy me a helicopter, I will give you the last slice of pizza. pls. this is important. okay maybe the crust?
  • [text] Let’s never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
  • [text] I tried to put lipstick on my eyeballs, help.
  • [text] I told her my cum counts as protein shake and she sent a text to my gran saying I ate her cat.
  • [text] If you don’t fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we’re alone in your room, I’m returning you to the boyfriend store
  • [text] I accidentally sexted your mum, I’m sorry xox
  • [text] There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
  • [text] I feel like you’re pretending I didn’t bail you out of jail last night for trying to staple a cushion to the top of their car so you had a “comfy place to sit”
  • [text] You climbed the fence and then started crying because you were scared of hamsters, I really don’t know what you took, but you need a babysitter.
  • [text]  I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a “let’s fuck” way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of “let me wash your hair” way.
YO. MEN ARE TRASH. I AM SICK OF HEARING STORIES ABOUT THE LIVES OF WOMEN BEING RUINED BY MEN I AM SICK OF HEARING ABOUT WOMEN BEING TORMENTED BY MEN, YOU SAY NOT ALL MEN???? WELL IT MAY NOT BE ALL MEN BUT IT'S TOO FUCKING MANY MEN. TRASH.

πλήγμα : shock
the sight washes over you like the waves of the sea, but you remember thetis held her breath. antilochus seizes your wrists for your hands absently went searching for something more terrible and destructive than the savage that murdered your heart. agonizing screams rip open your throat, loud and violent as harrowing as the gods; his name is the only prayer in your mouth. odysseus pleads to remain human, but you are withering, tattered, wretched, tasting the sweetness that still lingers on his throat, on his chest, on his lips like you can drink in the mortality that no longer exists there. you are crimson and hideous with his blood. soon, you think, the trojans will realize what sort of monster they have unleashed. they will realize how wicked the divine can be.

άρνηση : denial
you lay with his gore to keep him company. you wrap him in a blanket because he is still too cold and he could catch his death. (the pungent smell of him is lingering and repulsive. you want to place a mask over it; this is your favorite blanket, isn’t it?) combing your rust stained fingers through his disheveled hair, you are delicate as if he were only asleep. you whisper once, patroclus, and wait. a breathless silence sweeps over both of you, suddenly prolonged as the altar does not return your prayer, and the furtive agony comes back.

τύψη : guilt
the beach was supposed to be his salvation. his spear was never to be raised, the boy who falsely wore aristos achaion’s clothes! but it did and with his valiant cry, the sharpness scraped the heavens and delved into sarpedon’s chest. he did these things with no thought too out-of-bounds. he is no soldier. he is weak and too domestic to be an uncaged lion. wear the lions’ skin, i do not care. you chose this for yourself, dearest, and my song is defined by you.

παζάρεμα : bargaining
how could you leave me, you ask, was i not good enough? were my tender kisses on your lips not sweet enough? i will be sweeter, my dear, i will. my mother does not love you like i love you, and she tells me you will ruin me, but my love, i am the ruins that captivate the gods while you are gone. i am made of ichor and mortality, am i not already monstrous?

(there are no bargains between lions and men.)

θυμός : anger
sing of this, o chorus, you want your song and i will give it to you. you will let yourself be swift, the world turns with your quick feet alone, your mouth bloodthirsty and your hands powerful, your keen eyes watching the rat scamper across the river. paint the river red! paint the earth red, the graveyard dirt has never looked so colorful in men’s blood. the earth tries to fight back, please don’t do this, it begs. so you paint the earth gold, the color of your glory as you reign victorious over them. let his skin scrape the dried stones, eat up the bugs and the terrain. how beautiful does troy look to you now?

κατάθλιψη : depression
you finally bury them. all of them: the lost, the dwelling, the ghosts. you think: the sky is blue and green and gold, this is for you. you think: they will remember you, my dear, i swear it. you think: this is my funeral too. the men clap you on the back while their tongues stink of wine. they say that they are finding you again, we’re glad you’re back. i was never back, you say, i am only passing through.

αποδοχή : acceptance
you smile as your face strikes the earth.

——— and we are all there, goddess and mortal and the boy who was both.

I don’t know why I’m typing this here, I just wanna tell someone. The architect broke up with me last night. I had an abortion to him a month ago. He is a selfish asshole and I am disappointed. After we broke up, I went out side, smoked a spliff and necked a bottle of wine. It was raining. He gave me a bunch of flowers a week ago, so i grabbed them and I smashed them into a fucking pulp with a baseball bat. I ruined those flowers, I smooshed them into the grass until there was nothing left. My best mate B was there, throwing each individual flower in the air and I smacked each one down with the baseball bat - they exploded like fireworks, it was amazing. We lit sparklers and listened to Beyonce and I smashed some old furniture in the alley way at the back of my house. Later on, I vomited out of my bedroom window. I am so fucking EXHAUSTED by men, from now ima be my own best friend.

Which star wars villain should you fight?

maybe you express love by yelling “fight me!” with tears streaming down your face. maybe you need to work out your repressed trauma, or maybe you just want some exercise. Whichever it is, here’s everything you need to know to decide which pillar of galactic evil to bloody your knuckles on!

Darth Vader

Do it. Fight Darth Vader. You’ll never win, and that’s the goal. from the cradle to the coffin, every one of us knows who he is and what he’s capable of, and yearns to erotically asphyxiated by the one true goth of all time. Fight him, and gasp your final breath to the thrilling thunder of the imperial march

end fight probability: 300% you die highly aroused and emotionally fulfilled

Palpatine

Not a good idea at all. If you must scratch the vengeance itch, dew it, but he’s slippery for such a crusty dude and dreadfully powerful. Watch out for those sharp, germy fingers.

end fight probability: 80% he fries you to a crisp, 20% you win but later die of infected wounds

Darth Maul

Don’t even fucking try. This bugger can survive literally anything. Give up.

end fight probability: 200% even if you shoot him into the fucking sun, he survives it

General Grievous

Why would you fight my old boy Grievous? he’s just trying to do his job and he’s so tired. Look at the bags under his eyes. And he has asthma. if you decide to be a heartless beast and fight him anyway, you will lose, because he has four arms and he’s 7 feet tall. Just buy him a drink and leave him alone.

end fight probability: 100% he cuts you into sashimi, but you deserve it for picking a fight with Johnny-four-lightsabers

Count Dooku

I can’t imagine feeling anything about him strongly enough to warrant a fight, but if that’s your thing, go ahead I guess. Put out his creepy eyes first.

end fight probability: 60% you win because he’s old, but sustain injuries

Kylo Ren

Please, fight him. Beat his ass. if you can dodge the saber and hold off laughing long enough to get a grip on his hair, he’ll trip over his own garments trying to shake you off and fall on his own blades. finish it up by crushing his windpipe so we never have to suffer his insufferable voice ever again. Good luck and godspeed.

end fight probability: 82% you rip his face off (100% I need counseling)

Snoke

Don’t fight this crusty boy until we know more about his stats. but if you decide to anyway, he has serious claws – you better protect your neck against a Gollum-style strangling. he’s survived this far, he can probably survive a lot more. if you can take him seriously long enough to attack.

end fight probability: 75% he bludgeons you with a frozen rat (his supper) while screaming “for the last goddamn time I am NOT darth plageius”

Tarkin

Definitely fight him, take out all your inner rage on the poster boy for creepy old white men who ruin everything. The main thing is to watch out for those cheekbones, which can probably split wood and definitely slice your hand off. Don’t be distracted by his foul stench either. The good news is that he’s old and frail and the only exercise he’s ever had is furiously jacking it to imperialist propaganda.

end fight probability: 90% you kill him, 64% the spores released by his disintegrating corpse give you a debilitating lung disease

Krennic

Fight him, but be careful about it, he’s famously prone to violent confrontation and not afraid to start swinging. Target his major weakness: the aesthetic. if you can stand on his cape you can probably immobilize him.

end fight probability: 80% you win with minor injuries

Hux

this guy is literally everything wrong with the world today –  fascism, gingers, men who won’t shut up. Fight him and kill him for all of us. It’ll be easy, he looks to be made of damp bread & library paste. Go for it. Wring his neck

end fight probability: 99% you break every bone in his pathetic body

Phasma

This is a tricky one. if you’re a wookiee, go ahead, you may able to win. If you’re human, you will be slammed to the ground before you knew what hit you, with a blaster barrel in your mouth. But if you’re a lesbian that was probably the goal all along.

end fight probability: 110% she breaks every bone in your pathetic body

Thrawn

Deep down, we all want to either fight him or fuck him, so do it. Fight him. Grab him by that gigantic forehead and smash him through a wall, which was part of his master plan all along, of course. He’ll bust out those thick blue biceps and either the brawl will continue or you’ll end up making passionate love on the floor.

end fight probability: whatever happened, it was artistically done

Forever Indebted

Relationship: Edmund x Reader, Caspian x Reader (platonic)

Warnings: violence

Author’s Note: Edmund is my absolute weakness, writing this was an absolute pleasure to.write, and I hope you enjoy it

*********************************************

“For Narnia.” You whisper to yourself as you leap from a window and onto the back of a Telmarine soldier. The two small daggers attached to your forearms go into his neck quickly, making it easy for you to jump to a new target.

You roar out in anger and speed up your movements when you see a minotaur fall to his death.  Your particularly loud battle cry draws some attention, Prince Caspian being amongst the heads to quickly shift your way before going back to watching their attackers. Caspian though, doesn’t put all of his focus back on his assailant, he quickly does away with the guard before slashing his way to you. “Y/N, what are you doing? You have studies here, a job, they will surely not let you back in with good graces after seeing you fighting alongside me.”

His words almost make you stop completely, but the sword aiming for your throat keeps you in action, “Caspian, these people are no people of mine if they wish you dead. Who am I to not fight alongside you, when even the extinct Narnians will?" Smiling wistfully at you, Caspian places a hand gently on your shoulder.

The moment is quickly ruined when you spot a Telmarine soldier behind Caspian, and he’s cutting the chain holding up the gate. "We need to go. Caspian, you need to get your men and go!” You yell, shoving the prince towards the gate. You aren’t far behind him, your arms and legs both moving furiously as you slash at soldiers and run with speed you had never known capable from within your body.

From the corner of your eye, you spot a particularly small satyr getting attacked, so changing your course, you go to the satyr’s aid, “Go! We have to get out now!” You shout, gesturing to the minotaur holding the gate open. The man nods his thanks to you before ducking beneath the gate.

Just as you get to the gate, the minotaur falls and tears spring to your eyes, for both the poor creature, and for yourself. There are other people at the gate with you, Narnians, but none of them have your focus. Your eyes are on Caspian, who is yelling for you, trying to go back.

Shaking your head, you lift one of your blades into the air, “FOR NARNIA!” The other Narnians join in your battle cry, all of you charging once more.

You know you’re outnumbered, and out-weaponed. What you don’t know, is that the griffin above your heads is holding King Edmund. Looking down at the scene below him, Edmund spots you, and though he doesn’t even know of your name, he does know that he can not bear to leave you down there to die.

“Do you think you would be able to get her without getting hurt?” He asks his steed. The griffin squawks out a reply, diving towards you on the ground. The hybrid manages to grab to just after you receive an arrow to the upper arm. You don’t have the energy to say or do anything on the flight to wherever the Narnians are staying, so you just stay as still as possible and focus on not crying.

*     *     *     *     *

You grit your teeth harshly as you pull the arrow from your arm. After having arrived, you immediately looked for a bit of privacy to stitch yourself. “You were very brave back there. Fighting your people for us.”

Looking up, you see the boy talking to you is the same one that plucked you from the fight. “Thank you.” You smile painfully. Putting your attention to the needle in your hands, you start to sew your wound shut, “Caspian told me that you’re a son of Adam. King Edmund the Just. Is that true?” You ask, glancing at him quickly at the end of your question.

Edmund clears his throat, before answering, afraid his voice will crack or squeak when he goes to speak to you, “Yes.” Is all he can manage before crossing the floor to be standing a little closer to you. “Well, King Edmund the Just, I am forever in your debt.”

This makes the young king furrow his brow, “What? What would make you say that?” He asks you with a scoff. With a quirked eyebrow, you hold the needle in it’s place so you can look the king in his face, “You saved my life. There were tons of Narnians, fighting a hopeless battle down there, just as I was, and you saved me, the one person fighting not even born into your people. Where I am from, something like that is worthy of eternal debt.”

Watching as you finish closing up your once gaping wound, Edmund shakes his head, “Well, you’re with us now, that won’t be necessary, and just Edmund is fine.” This makes you laugh - a sound Edmund never thought he’d love so much - before breaking the stitch string with your teeth and wiping your bloody hands on the men’s trousers you’re wearing, “Well then, Just Edmund the Just King, consider it a favor, instead of a debt. If ever you need anything, let me know.”

At that moment, Edmund could think of a thousand things he wanted from you, a kiss being amongst them - a sensation very new to him - but he settled on just one for now. “I’d like to know your name.”

Ruined My Lip Gloss- Elias Lindholm

Originally posted by leondraiisaitl

Ok I like how this one turned out despite writing it at 3 am! Oh well! So I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you thought!

Warning: none?

Anon Request: Can you write one about jeff skinner and elias lindholm being your friends but elias has a crush on you but doesn’t want to turn things weird in your friendship or something like this… i don’t know if you’ll understand kkk… sorry the poor english

~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/

              “Just tell her” Jeff said. You stopped in the hallway, listening.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

tsuna dino and enma falling in love with an idealistic girl who is running for the mayor of Sicily and refuses to be corrupted please

COMPLETE

admin Adelheid

Tsuna

Tsuna looked at you with nonchalant eyes and saw you as nothing more than another puppet that would dance to his tune the moment he flashed his money and made his demands. He was certainly unprepared for the cursory glance you gave the briefcase full of money spread boldly on your desk before looking back at him with calm, serene eyes.

“What is this for?”

“Just a little donation. I heard you’re going to run for Mayor of our good city.” He replied coolly, his chin casually supported in his hand.

Your lashes hid your eyes for a moment and Tsuna stared in fascination at their length. He certainly had not expected such beauty when he made an appointment to see you.

“If you’re going to make donations for my campaign then it would be best to donate them to my campaign committee. It would not be very appropriate for me to accept such gifts in this fashion.” Tsuna blinked but your eyes met his again directly. With a matter of fact aloofness that silently asked him why he wasn’t leaving yet. “Do you have any other business with me, Mr. Sawada? I’m quite busy. I only allowed this impromptu meeting because my old teacher recommended I meet with you.”

Your attitude surprised a twitch on Tsuna’s lip. “You really are a novice in politics, aren’t you?”

“I know enough not to take candy from a stranger, Mr. Sawada,” you replied smoothly with a gentle smile that surprised the don with its curious tenderness despite your sharp words. It certainly made your acerbic comments sound like honey. “I’m a firm believer that there is no such thing as a free lunch.”

“It would be in your best interests to―”

Tsuna held his hand up and stopped Hayato in the middle of his comment while he leaned towards you in interest. “You’re certainly not what I expected. Your… predecessor was much more open to negotiations.”

You nodded without even a flinch at the insult he threw at the office you were planning to succeed. “My predecessor is a very impressionable person. I’m sure he’ll enjoy his retirement wholly as long as he does not meddle with my affairs while I am in office.”

“And what exactly are you planning to do when you win?” Tsuna asked curiously, a small smile blooming on his face as he watched your eyes sparkle with fire.

“I plan to protect the people of this city,” you answer directly, steel under velvet coating your every word. “My aim is to protect every person in Sicily so they are not left as victims to senseless violence any longer. No one is going to stop me. Not my predecessor, not the Mafia or any other politician they have in their pocket.”

“Oh? You’re not afraid to die?” Tsuna’s eyes glinted with amusement. It had been a while since he felt this for anyone who was not involved in his dark empire. “The Mafia is not something to be taken lightly, after all.”

“Do you have ties with the Mafia, sir?” you asked with raised brows at him.

Tsuna laughed. “I don’t think I am under obligation to answer that question, District Attorney.”

You nodded in approval and Tsuna felt his chest sing with pride that he had managed to impress you. “Well even if you don’t I’m sure you can let everyone know this. I will show no mercy to the Mafia if they disturb the peace in this city. I really don’t care if you kill each other but once my civilians are involved…”

Tsuna raised his brows, impressed at the sudden steel invading the serenity in your eyes. “I hope they’re prepared to be hounded out of Sicily.”

As Tsuna walked out of the courthouse and back to his Mercedes he smiled.

Hayato, his eyes making sure their surroundings were safe and carrying the case of rejected money thought it was odd so he asked about it in the car. “You look happy, Boss.”

Tsuna’s smile did not budge one inch as he looked out his car towards your office window. “Hayato. Make sure to give her flowers when she wins.”

Hayato blinked. “Alright. I’ll have them prepare a funeral wreath for―”

“No, not that kind,” Tsuna leaned back in his seat as the car began to move. “Find out what our future mayor’s favorite flowers are and have them make a lovely bouquet. I would love to talk to our soon-to-be former District Attorney again over dinner in the future. Also, spread the word out.”

“Boss?”

“Make it clear that anyone who touches her? Answers to me.”

Dino

It had been a long day and all you wanted was a bath, dinner and sleep. However, the moment you switched the lights on the modest little apartment you lived in you were not expecting a surprise guest that evening.

Because sitting on your favorite chair and facing the door you just came in was a handsome man you have never met before smiling at you ever so charmingly.

“Good evening.”

Immediately you were on guard. However, before you could shout for help or escape your mouth was covered from the back and your hand forced behind you in an arm lock by a bespectacled older man.

“No need to scream; I have no plans to kill you today.”

You glared defiantly back at him.”

“If you promise not to make a ruckus then I’ll have Romario here release you. Deal?”

You locked gazes with him for what seemed like hours before you eventually nodded. Dino then jabbed a chin at Romario who released you but remained at your back.

You rub your abused wrist before snarling at this unexpected visitor. “What do you want?”

“Nothing much, just your cooperation,” he replied with a charming smile. You have to admit that if you were any other woman you would have swooned at that smile already. “I’ve noticed that you’re very passionate about taking the Mafia down during your campaigns.”

“What about it?” you asked defiantly, narrowing your eyes at him.

“Well I’m here to offer you an alliance with us, of course.”

“I’m not interested in negotiating with criminals.”

“Now, now don’t be so hasty,” Dino’s smile turned sharp and you had to fight back a gasp at the sight of it. “We are quite a powerful force and an alliance with us will ensure your victory in the upcoming elections.”

You laughed harshly at that making Dino lose his smile for a moment. “Wouldn’t that be a conflict of interest for you? After all, you were the ones who put the previous mayor in office too, weren’t you? I’m running against him so how would you support the both of us at the same time?”

Dino’s smile turned a bit wry at that point making you blink. He did not look like a gangster at all when he smiled like that. “The current mayor has outlived his usefulness. He actually has delusions of running all by himself for the elections now that he has all that ill gotten money. He’ll beat you down with campaign posters and organize shootouts during your campaign speeches. I daresay he’s even more dangerous than us at this point.”

You can’t deny that. Even at this point your secret investigations of the current mayor had shown just how far he would go to maintain his position. You don’t have proof but you suspected he has made deals with the Mafia to assassinate his rivals in the past. It was one of the reasons why you were the only candidate running against him this year. Everyone else has backed out for fear of the current mayor’s influence. And it infuriated you that he was getting away with all of it.

Still though a criminal was still a criminal. You would never trust them as far as you could spit.

“My stance will not change. If I die then I have an ace up my sleeve that can ruin him easily,” you declared, thinking about the pile of evidence you had hidden away about the mayor’s past atrocities while he was in office. “I am not like him. I’ll step in that office with honor. And I do not negotiate with gangsters. Now either kill me or get out of my house.”

Dino regarded you with awe and disbelief but then smiled again and gracefully unfolded himself from the chair. “I see. So sorry to have bothered you then. We will take our leave. Good night.”

As soon as you managed to lock the door behind the two men you felt your knees give out as you slid to the floor.

God that was close.

In his car, though, Dino laughed happily as Romario drove him away.

“Boss?” Romario asked, his eyes on the road and the side mirrors making sure no one was following them.

“Romario, contact Reborn. Tell him I want him to personally end any assassins going after our little mayor-to-be.”

“You like her?”

“Oh yes, I like her,” Dino smirked. “I’ll have to tell Tsuna our new mayor will be under Cavallone protection from this point on.”

Enma

You were having a simple meal before going home. No one knew that the number one running candidate for the mayor of Sicily liked having her dinner at a homely little pizzeria with cozy booths and relaxing seats. The people who ate with you were generally ordinary working class people and not fancy lawyers and judges. You preferred the simple life because it made you feel closer to the people.

At first Enma couldn’t believe it when Julie gave him the info. It seemed like the height of carelessness to live in such a manner. Shouldn’t you be getting bodyguards now that you’re in the middle of your campaign? But even as he came closer to you he saw no panic on your face. You were far too engrossed on the file you were reading to notice him and he could see your surprise when he sat in the stool in front of you.

And yet instead of panicking, you calmly collected yourself and asked. “Can I help you?”

The Shimon Boss, dressed like an ordinary worker with his scarf wrapped around the lower part of his face almost shook his head at your naivete. Clearly you were not a native so why the hell are you running for office here? His curiosity was wasted. And here he volunteered to do this assignment himself despite Adel going ballistic on him because he thought you were interesting.

Derisively he set down a thick brown envelope on the table and pushed it towards you.

You looked down at it with narrowed eyes.

“We hear you don’t make much out of your salary as a public official,” Enma began, his voice quiet. His red eyes peeking out from under the rim of the newsboy he was wearing to try and hide his blazing red hair. “Here’s some pocket money to help with your expenses. Courtesy of the Shimon.”

Your eyes widened, recognizing the name of the Mafia Famiglia mentioned only in rumors even in the underworld.

It made Enma smirk underneath his scarf. “If you understand then you should take it and know we don’t like people nosing in on our business. Take it if you know what’s good for you.”

He stood up and was about to pass you by to leave but the Shimon don was stopped by your hand slapping the envelope of money on his chest before he could walk away. Enma looked down at you in surprise.

“I think you left something.” You said with a slight smile on your lips.

Enma narrowed his eyes at you and scowled. “Don’t be stupid. Do you really want to be the reason for the deaths of your loved ones?”

“I’m all alone in the world, I’ve got nothing and no one to lose anymore; my whole family’s been massacred when I was ten,” you tell him making Enma’s eyes widen and his heart skip a beat at the sight of your plaintive, wry smile. “If you’re going to do something then do your worst; but I’m not accepting money I didn’t work for. Why not give it to charity? I heard there’s an orphanage on the edge of town that can use it.”

Numbly, Enma accepted the cash. He couldn’t really take his eyes off you.

With the money gone from your hand you return back to your file and your meal as though nothing untoward had just happened. “I’m here to ensure the people will live in peace and not be afraid of being pinned between any of your wars. I think Sicily deserves better than being sacrificed to either the law or the Mafia. I don’t want to see anyone dying in vain again. So go ahead and do your worst. I’d rather die than look away when someone obviously needs my help.”

Enma left torn at your words and your smile etched in his mind. From then on he made sure you were safe from the shadows of his world as you reveled under that light of yours. Silently hoping someday he would get the opportunity to be close enough to reach you.

The orphanage at the edge of town continued receiving enormous donations every year on that same day from then on.

cursed homestuck fics that ruined your life in 2014:

  • hopeless and heartless
  • family never ends (throwback to when i wrote up like a giant analysis for it after reading only the epilogue)
  • those…fucking petstuck fics. before i sleep and UFUT are the classics but loophole literally made me cry at 1 am curled up in a fetal position on my bed
  • silence is golden
  • a thousand years
  • is real men wear tights like still a thing
  • find a temple build a fucking temple
  • literally no one cares about the trolls anymore but broadway karkat wrote a song for it so space bro
  • that um. that one really good daverezi as cops fic….cities in dust…
  • the other side of the heart GHFJGHFHG
  • the vienna game? idk how popular that was actually
  • promstuck
  • anything by asuka kureru

slightly less cursed homestuck fics that ruined your life in 2015 after you decided that you had matured a bit and needed more than angst porn, only to read more angst porn with weirder ships:

  • the serendipity gospels
  • endangered

anonymous asked:

Do you ever look at Exo and think - Wow look at these perfectly stunning gorgeous men ruining my life all the time. What has the world done to be blessed by them?

I refrain from looking at EXO as much as possible because their beautiful faces offend me.

Sadly I do not have any self restraint so I am constantly offended.

SEX AND THE CITY SENTENCE STARTERS.

NSFW THEMES.

’ How can you forget a guy you’ve slept with? ’
’ I don’t like having anything inserted in my anus. ’
’ I don’t think we’re in single digits anymore. ’
’ I once dated a guy ‘cause he had a pool. ’
’ I’d go over and get all cocoa-buttered up. ’
’ Yeah, I was thirteen! And honey, you should have seen my tan! ’
’ You dated Mr. Big. I’m dating Mr. Too Big. ’
’ There isn’t enough wall space in New York City to hang all of my exes. ’
’ Let me tell you, a lot of them were hung. ’
’ It’s so not fair. All the good ones are straight… even the gay ones. ’
’ I’ll admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice. ’
’ I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to come. ’
’ Well, I don’t know how you people do it. ’
’ All that emotional chow-chow. It’s exhausting. ’
’ What am I supposed to say? ’
’ So what are we going to do? ’
’ Okay, I’m definitely in the slow sexual group if even Charlotte is open to this. ’
’ Can you have an affair with your own husband? ’
’ We finally have the penis working. I don’t want to scare it. ’
’ After years of odd men, God is throwing me a bone. ’
’ You get married and hope for the best. ’
’ I am sleeping and walking! Sleeping and walking! ’
’ It’s the end of an era. ’
’ I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty. ’
’ The most important thing in life is your family. ’
’ There are days you love them, and others you don’t. ’
’ But, in the end, they’re the people you always come home to. ’
’ Sexy is what I try to get them to see after I win them over with my personality. ’
’ I could go to dinner with on Saturday night? ’
’ Oh yeah, that one weekend I was bored. ’
’ I showed him a boob in a coat checkroom. ’
’ Soulmates only exist in the Hallmark aisle at Duane Reid Drugs. ’
’ Yes, I’m sorry about it all. ’
’ I found you in my apartment, fell down the stairs, and broke my tooth. ’
’ Now not only have you ruined my marriage, you’ve ruined my lunch. ’
’ Will you please not use the f-word in Vera Wang? ’
’ Have you ever been in love? ’
’ My shrink says thats a very common fear. ’
’ Allow me to get right to the point. ’
’ I have decided that this is the year I am getting married. ’
’ Fuck me badly once, shame on you. ’
’ Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me. ’
’ Oh, my god, she’s fashion roadkill! ’
’ I’m a tri-sexual. I’ll try anything once. ’
’ You men have no idea what we’re dealing with down there. ’
’ Easy? Honey, they don’t call it a job for nothing. ’
’ What’s the big mystery? It’s my clitoris, not the sphinx. ’
’ I think you just found the title of your autobiography. ’
’ Balls are to men what purses are to women. ’
’ It’s just a little bag, but we’d feel naked in public without it. ’
’ I said no white, no ivory, no nothing that says ‘virgin’. ’
’ I have a child. The jig is up. ’
’ I will never be the woman with the perfect hair. ’
’ I blow you I feel like I’m flossing. ’
’ It’s a slippery slope. ’
’ Here, swear. Swear on Chanel. ’
’ Oh my god, was that a Schoolhouse Rock I missed? ’
’ I pretended to ignore it for as long as I did. ’
’ I’m very sorry that you felt the need to come down here. ’
’ I’m sorry that he moved to Paris and fell in love with me. ’
’ I’m sorry he cheated on me with you. ’
’ It’s you day. You get a day. ’
’ Haven’t we all had sex with ______? ’
’ They all involved going up my ass. ’
’ Do any of you have a completely unremarkable friend or maybe a houseplant. ’
’ Sometimes it’s the family you’re born into. ’
’ Well, first of all, define recently. ’
’ Have you given birth recently? ’
’ I didn’t tell ________ I was pregnant. ’
3

Name: Step aside, Potter!
Pairing: Harry x Reader
Summary: the reader is Snape’s daughter, but no one really knows about it (she is in Gryffindor). At some point, Snape learns that the reader is dating Harry (bloody) Potter, so he almost tries to kill the Savior of the world. The events are after the books, as Potter and Granger return to Hogwarts to study, and Snape was not killed (main rule, Snape doesn’t die). 

“Good night, guys. Try to go to bed before midnight,” Hermione wishes you, as she closes her book and heads upstairs, leaving you and Harry alone.

“Night,” you answer, really busy staring in the green eyes of the Boy Who Lived. The eyes stare back, and you both know that you will not leave the common room until one of you falls asleep, and the second one realizes that they can’t stare at the other one any longer.

“You father would have killed me,” suddenly notices Harry, as you pull away after a kiss, your eyes still closed.

“M… Yeah,” you smile. “Dad would have smashed your head. And made mashed Potter brains.”

“So sweet,” Harry grins, slowly stroking your hair. “We will have to tell him though.”

“As soon as you want to die, we will,” you promise. “He won’t even think before murdering you.”

“I know, I know,” Harry kisses you again, then pulls away and rests his head on top of yours. Exactly this moment Snape chooses to rush in the common room, almost shining with fury.

Potter!” he yells, then notices you two, cuddling on the couch. “Y/N!”

“Uhm… Hi, dad,” you say, quickly pulling away from Harry, realizing perfectly well that your position says more than words could. “How are you?”

“Why do I learn from Dumbledore, this old idiotic portrait, that my only daughter is… with this mess of thoughts and Potter-blood?” Snape whispers, yet his voice is more than terrifying.

“Uhm… Because we were afraid how you will react,” before you finish, Snape walks up to you and grabs Harry’s shoulders, shaking poor guy.

“Exactly because of that, professor,” quite calmly comments Harry, getting out of Snape’s hands and making a step away from the man. “Sir, calm down.”

“Calm down when another Potter is messing up with my family?” Snape almost explodes, and you notice how the glasses start shaking.

“He is not messing up anything,” you murmur.

“Sir, I am simply dating your daughter. Just dating. And I am not James Potter, sir. I am Harry Potter, another person…”

“Potter, if I see you next to my daughter once more…”

“You’ll kill me? Won’t work. Even Voldemort failed,” Harry grins, and you feel the urgent need to face palm, as you know how much your father hates when anyone goes against him.

“I’ll make sure you’ll never have to date again. Some potions, you know, Potter, can do that to a man,” Harry goes pale for a second, then smiles.

“Professor, I am the Boy Who Lived And Killed Your Bloody Voldemort,” you frown. “Do you think I don’t deserve a girl I like?”

“Not if it’s my daughter.”

“What if I wasn’t Potter?”

“I would still kill you, you little idiot!” yells Snape, attempting to stab Harry with the wand, when you catch his hand.

“Dad… Dad, it’s just dating,” he looks at you, slowly calming down. “Only dating. Not funny stuff going on, no attempts to. We simply spend time together. Just a little more than his other friends,” Snape inhales deeply, about to actually calm down, but Potter ruins everything.

“Plus the kissing part,” Snape surprisingly quickly returns to the furious father stage and grabs Potter’s neck, trying to strangle him.

“Seriously, Potter?” you sit on the couch and watch the two men fight quite aggressively, Snape still trying to strangle Potter, and Harry trying to break Snape’s face. “Dad! Come on, you both are War Heroes.”

“Not a reason for Potter to live any longer,” informs you Snape.

“Merlin’s Beard,” you Petrificus Totalus both of them, then sit down next to the motionless bodies and explain slowly and calmly. “Father, I am a grown person. And I can take my own decisions. And if I say that I am in a relationship, it means that I am in the bloody relationship! No need to kill Potter just because I chose him. And I won’t stop just because you ask me to. Nope. Is that clear? And I am sorry that I had to use magic,” you let go of them and carefully watch Snape stand up and stare at Harry, as if he was a huge spider trying to murder you.

“If you hurt her, Potter. I will kill you. And nothing will stop me,” he hisses, then turns around and ‘flies’ away, leaving you and Potter alone.

“Never talk about my dad again. It looks like he comes when you think of him.”

“He almost killed me,” whispers Potter. “Why on Earth would that happen?”

“Because I have the most over-protective father of them all,” you murmur. “You know how he reacted when I went out for the first time? Set the poor pal on fire.”

“So I am lucky.”

“You bet.”

All I ever do is try and fucking love this band. Now the six men I fell in love with (metaphorically speaking) are literally apart. I can choose to be a good fan of the band, and accept the new ghouls. Or I can be the bitch I am, continue to love Papa, and dedicate this page to Martin, Simon, lil Martin, Mauro and Henke.

Those ghouls made that band amazing, every single one of them. They were talented, they sure as fuck didn’t ruin solos or intros. Yes the new ghouls need practice, and I wish them all well and hope they have an amazing career. But those are not /my/ ghouls.

Uncle Negan : Part Eleven

AFTER THAT HORRIBLE CLIFFHANGER I GRACED YOU WITH, WE ARE FINALLY BACK AT IT PICKING UP RIGHT WHERE NEGAN LEFT OFF. IF YOU HAVEN’T READ PART TEN READ IT HERE FIRST

master list

negan imagine / negan x you / negan x reader

warnings : language, negan being negan, violence 

Originally posted by grungedaddykinks


“There she is! Goddamn even with all her crying she is still just fucking beautiful isn’t she. Bring her over here, I think I can help her out.” One of the saviors marched her over to Negan, placing her gently in one arm as his other hand cradled Lucille. Almost instantly her crying came to a halt as he lightly bounced her up and down, swaying her from side to side. You couldn’t help but gawk at him, the man who just brought on an execution was now a master babysitter. How the fuck does he do it. “Amazing, isn’t it?” he paced towards you, leaning in almost whispering, “It’s like she knows her momma didn’t fucking want her-”

“FUCKING ENOUGH.” Your brief, courageous outburst sent shudders through the crowd as you stood eye to eye with his chiseled face. For the first time since Negan had swung his way into your life you felt strong. You felt empowered. 

He chuckled slowly, biting his lip as he invaded your space yet again. “Dominate, huh? That’s a sexy look on you.” You firmly stood your ground, returning his comment with a glare that you were hoping would cut his shit out. He turned on his heel, acknowledging the crowd one final time. “But yes, fucking enough. It’s time for me to collect what I deserve.” Your glance vaulted between Negan and Mary repeatedly. “Alexandria, your ‘queen’ decided to stay with me for the past few weeks after she popped out this shit sack. I could’ve said no, I could’ve fed her to a walker, hell. I could’ve fucking killed her my god damn self if I wanted to!” He turned back to you, “But I didn’t. Because contrary to popular fucking belief, I’m not the monster you all think I am. Crazy to believe, right?” Holding out Lucille, he aimed her shaft right at you. “But everything comes with a price, doesn’t it.” His voice became cold as his reality started to settle onto the crowd. “Everything since our little friendship started has been a decision.Murdering my men, ruining my shit, Biker boy over here punching me in the face? A decision. A good one? Well shit, for you fuck no. But he took that outcome and he owned it with fucking pride. And now, my dear,” He eye fucked you, bringing you to a climax you knew was going to be your living hell, “It’s your turn to decide.” You swiftly became puzzled as his face remained facing yours, while Lucille was slowly lifted towards Rick.” A narrow smile escaped the corner of his mouth almost screaming to you how fucked you were now before bringing his aggression all the way up to 100 once more. 

“Wh-what?” Rick started panting as he finally lifted his head off of the tar, his face stained with the pain you could only feel responsible for. 

“Ricky dicky, the man of the fucking hour. Let’s get some men on him, yeah? I don’t want his balls to suck back in again and have him pussy out with the ground again. Time to put those big boy pants on, bitch!” Four saviors resumed their grasp on his frame, something you would pay to never see again. “Arat?” She appeared from the crowd still covered in Rosita’s remnants, aiming the shotgun to the left of his head. “We made a deal. 50 percent. 50. Percent. Of what you own, is mine.” His words became slow and exaggerated. “You happen to have two women in your life right now, this fucking whippersnapper and your wife. Or your un-wife. Whatever the fuck she is now.” 

It took you mere seconds to see where Negan was going with this. He wouldn’t, he can’t, he- “Negan, stop it. Just fucking st-”

“Oh, ho ho let’s get some men on her too. I’m getting real sick of how she keeps fucking cutting me off.” He walked between you and Rick as if he was performing a well practiced scene from a play. 

“We’ll give you whatever you want-”

“I fucking know you will.” The fearlessness you had felt mere minutes ago vanished into the void of his words. Swallowing your pride, you accepted the Saviors grasp upon you. 

Returning to Rick, he placed Lucille on the floor and squatted in front of him, adjusting Mary in his arms. After laughing and studying her over, he turned to him, “I don’t think you need both.” 

Rick was astounded. “Need both…what?”

“Someone has to repay me for the services I provided. It can be the reason she stayed, or the reason you left.” He paused, turning the baby towards Rick, “Either way, I won’t be leaving empty handed.” 

“No I, no..no no no…” Deja vu. How many times would Rick have to put his children in danger? Your nausea started to swell up into your throat as the thought of Negan taking Mary made you weak. 

He stood up, his anger rising in the moment. “Oh come on, Rick. You couldn’t even say you fucking loved your wife, is this really that hard of a fucking decision for you?”

“Please, don’t kill them don’t..don’t kill them please. Please-”

“TAKE ME.” Carl emerged from the crowd pushing a gasp out of your system. What the fuck was he doing?

“Shit, kid. Always scaring me with your magician appearances.” He adjusted Mary to his left arm. “But sadly, we don’t need your badass cockiness filling up the damn room.” SMACK! With one hit between his eyes, Negan knocked Carl to the ground unconscious. Shaking his hand out, his voice started to echo. “I am getting real tired of you wasting my time, Rick.” Pulling a hand gun from his belt, he aimed it at Rick. And all at once, everything accelerated. “I’m gonna count to three. One.”

“NEGAN-” An elbow jabbed into your stomach catching you off guard. 

“HEY.” Negan spun to face your attacker, the savior holding your right arm.  “DON’T DO THAT SHIT AGAIN.” 

“But sir, I thought we-” Before you could register what happened you heard a gunshot and looked down searching your body for any exposed blood, only founding the savior who had spoken out of turn shot dead. Breathing for you was almost impossible at this point. He turned back to Rick as if nothing had happened, now having to yell over Mary’s sobs.

“Two.” 

“I love them both! They’re my family, they’ve kept Carl and I together, I love them both I do, god I do-”

“It’s too late for that now. Your kid or your wife. It’s that fucking simple. Unless you want me to make the decision for you. Which let me tell you, is not going to fucking happen. Two and a half.”

“Take me, t-take me instea-” A second gunshot filled your head as you saw Rick scream in agony, his left leg limp. 

“Well would you look at that. You, my friend, are fucking injured! I can’t take you back with me! You’d take more of my supplies, owe me more than you do right now, I can’t fucking have that. If you weren’t hurt fucking absolutely I would take you with me! Open bar all day, I have a feeling we could really work out our fucking feelings there. But not today.” Taking a deep breath, he placed the gun on Rick’s forehead. “One.” 


O H S H I T. ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER? I’M HORRIBLE I KNOW

WHO THE FUCK IS RICK GONNA CHOOSE? WHO IS GOING TO HAVE TO GO WITH NEGAN???? COMMENT BELOW AND GIVE ME YOUR PREDICTIONS!!

CHAPTER 12 IS WRITTEN AND BEING POSTED ON SUNDAY. 

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