i am really embarrassed of this picture and should not be posting it on the internet maybe

Millennial Love

Requested by @tomshollandss with this prompt

Summary: Tom stalks your social media and slides into those DMs. 


Your multi fandom Twitter account was your own little fangirl haven. The topics you tweeted about ranged from One Direction, Beyoncé, Marvel, Harry Potter, Law & Order, and more. Your hilarious, relatable tweets helped you rack up over 50k loyal followers. 

Most recently, Tom Holland had branched from your Marvel obsession, having stolen your heart when you first watched Spider-Man: Homecoming. 

“Hey everyone! Just came home from SM:HC, so slowly watch as my Twitter becomes strictly a Tom Holland fan account!” you tweeted. 

Your post went viral as many of your followers and the general public agreed with you. Throughout the next weeks, you tweeted frequently about events such as The Brother’s Trust meet and greet, the Tokyo premiere, and the infamous “Hoodiegate” aka Tom’s incessant teasing about his haircut. 

You had the typical fangirl tweets, including praising Tom for his work and admiring his looks, but you also had no problem roasting him as well. For example, a thread of examples of when he was an asshole became wildly popular and gained a lot of attention; some of it coming from the boys themselves. Harrison followed and quoted it with a “This could not be more accurate, mate @TomHolland1996”, which prompted Tom to like and retweet it, and Harry liked it, as well. 

One day, on a whim, you decided to post your personal Instagram handle. You had no shame about people figuring out who you were; plus, you kept your Instagram clear of locations and clues about where you might live: “Alright here goes nothing! Follow my personal Instagram, @(your-user)! Hopefully none of you are lunatics, and I’ll be following some of you as well!" 

Thousands of new followers appeared on Instagram, all incredibly happy about your newly public profile. You decided to turn off notifications to only show you things from users that you followed. It was beneficial that you did, for you would’ve missed it when your phone lit up with an important Instagram notification. 

(your-user): tomholland2013 started following you.

Quickly followed by, (your user): tomholland2013: I hope you don’t qualify me as a lunatic 😅 

Shocked, you quickly screenshotted this monumental moment. After a few minutes of calming yourself down, you opened Instagram. Hoards of comments and messages of congratulations all came pouring in, but you only were focused on one message. 

"Eh, I don’t REALLY know you. So, I can’t say for sure. But, from your pictures you look pretty normal! And you did some movies? That’s cool! I may have seen them 🤔" 

You tried to keep it light and funny, as your Twitter was basically a huge Tom Holland roast. "By the way, thanks for following!” you quickly sent, showing your authentic gratitude. Putting your phone down, you went to get some water, as you felt very dizzy. 

He probably won’t reply for a while at least, you thought. Or maybe not at all. He’s busy. Except, when you returned to your phone, another message had come onto your screen. 

“haha i mean I dont really know you either. Maybe you’re the actual lunatic in this situation?” Another message came in, “but seriously, no problem at all xx. I’ve stalked your twitter so… I feel like this is only right 😂”

 "Hope you didn’t find anything too embarrassing. So, does this make us internet friends? 😎" 

 "Is that what this is called? Let’s do it 👊🏼" 

Keep reading

Miracul-ass: Heroes of Paris XXX

Adrien finds a porn video featuring Ladybug and Chat Noir. AO3 link


Frankly, it was surprising it hadn’t happened sooner.

Two young, attractive people who had a large fanbase. Of course there would be porn of them. It was the internet afterall. It had been three years since they started and there were probably terabytes of Ladybug and Chat Noir porn on the internet. It was one of the basic rules of the internet.

But Adrien didn’t expect to actually watch porn of himself and his crush.

Keep reading

XIUMIN'S FANBOYS

Kim Eunsoo (Model): Wow…. Xiumin really;;;;His looks are astounding TT

I fell in love.

EXO Hwaiting!

Soldier. I like EXO. 89-er. J-gun.

It's embarrassing to admit, but I started liking EXO after watching their Weekly Idol episode. I’m straight…. (but) Xiumin is my style. I thought he was a lot younger than me, but he’s actually the same age as me..

Fanaccount of 140113 Idol Star Olympics Championship

1. While they were playing futsal, a Xiumin fanboy behind me yelled “Xiumin hwaiting!!!!” He was really loud….kekekeke

Fanaccount

…Somewhere above me, a fanboy yelled “Yah!!! Xiumin!!!!!!!” Xiumin turned his head our way and looked at him…kekekeke

Thai Fanboy

Q: I like EXO’s Xiumin.

Hello, I’m a guy and I’m the same age as Xiumin.

While I was on the internet, I came across some group called EXO that debuted a couple years ago?

When I looked them up, one member (Xiumin) really caught my eye….

Please understand..

Q: I’m a guy but I really like EXO’s Xiumin.

It’s just that Xiumin is so cute

and petite

that I want to protect him…

I really like him. What do I do?TT

I’m a guy but..I like Xiumin so much..that I’m about to go crazy….

Q: I think I’m about to be Xiumin’s fan.

My older sister’s obsessed with EXO, so I looked them up, and came across a picture of Xiumin….He was so adorable that I was dumbfounded for a few seconds and thought he was a girl. Honestly, he looked so cute (young-looking) that when I asked about his age, someone told me he was 24 years old? I couldn’t believe that he was older than me;;

EXO would like fanboys, right?… 

I’m a guy but I really like Xiumin

I’m a guy but I really like Xiumin. His smile is so adorable. I really like him.

Ah, I’m not Luhan.

My older brother is an obsessed Xiumin fanboy.

My older brother is a twenty two year old college student. He started liking Xiumin after watching “Wolf” on TV one day and now, he always watches Xiumin videos in his room until dawn. I can’t sleep because his room is next to mine. Recently, he’s also bought EXO’s Growl album in order to see Xiumin TT TT He even went to Myeongdong to buy a couple albums in order to go their fansign. Nowadays, he collects Xiumin photocards and spends 90% of what he earns from his part time job to find his photocards. He also had a girlfriend but he kept ignoring her for Xiumin, making excuses, breaking his promises, and ignoring her on kakaotalk….From the moment he wakes up (at 6am), he’s on his computer, looking up Xiumin stuff. In the afternoon, he tells me he’s going out to meet his friends but he goes out to buy hats and clothes that Xiumin wore before. After he comes back home, he goes back to looking at Xiumin stuff… He keeps telling me to like Xiumin as well (…) What should I do about this? I want my brother to leave the house and live on his own, but because he spends all of his money on Xiumin, he lives at home.. Plus, he’s also starting to like D.O and Baekhyun, and I think I’m about to go even crazier. Should I chase him out of the house? Whenever I’m about to sleep, I always hear “Hello, we are EXO! I am Xiumin!!!! Thank you~ Eureurongeureurong” from his room ….I’m even starting to memorize their songs TT TT TT

Somehow I became a fan…..

I don’t really understand myself .. I’ve never even liked a female idol this much before…

(I am a male student.)

I don’t understand why I search ‘Xiumin’ a couple times a day T T T

My friends think that I’m a bit weird.. /laughs/ I understand.

(…)

I always lurk around to see if there are other Xiumin fanboys. 

(…)

Do you guys think fanboys are weird? If you do, please don’t think that way~~ I feel lonely ^^

My older brother is a Xiumin fanboy

My brother is a 21 year old college student and lives at home… I’m so sick of him.. The reason why I got into Xiumin is because of my brother.. I can’t even sleep at night because I hear exo’s song and Xiumin’s voice coming from his room ..^^… He’s always watching exo’s variety shows and programs (…)

He has a girlfriend but I pity her. I want him to leave our house quickly…why did he pick a college that’s near our house?

Do you guys not like Xiumin’s fanboys?

Hello, I’m a Xiumin fanboy. I’m not gay. Please don’t think I’m weird because I’m a fanboy. I really like Xiumin hyung…

Girls fangirl over IU and Krystal so why can’t guys like male idols without being considered gay?

Ahhhhhhhhhh

Ah~ I extremely like Xiumin

(curse)

I failed my test… ah Xiumin

(curse) (Our) Minseok hyung…

Xiuming-hyung TT TT What do you think about fanboys?

Ha..I was a fanboy of Girl’s Day, but I feel like I fell into hell this time..It’s my first time liking a male idol like this TT.

Haa (curse) 

(…)

Girls think fanboys of male idols are gay? TT But girls fangirl over IU so why can’t guys like male idols without being considered gay?

Baozi-hyung TT TT TT TT TT TT

hangh TT TT TT

What am I supposed to do? I’ve fallen for you.

I always look for Xiumin-hyung on Nate Pann. 

It’s all because of Pann!!!! How can anybody not fall for you when there are so many ssibdukk** pictures of you (on the internet)?

Xiuming hyung. I love you ♥♥

**ssibdukk = charming (attractive, cute, pretty, etc.)

I’m a guy, but I really like Xiumin

Hello. I’m a normal junior high second year student.

This might seem really weird

But I really like Xiumin

I don’t think I’m gay..

It’s exam week, but I think I’m about to go crazy because of this hyung. His face is pretty… you guys (fangirls) understand, right? Xiumin’s appeal?

What do I do… What do I do..?

His shouting skill from Mama era is so cute.. My photo gallery is getting fuller and fuller (b/c of his pictures). Is there a way I can stop liking him?.. Because of Xiumin, I’m starting to like the other exo members. Chen hyung.. I really like Xiumin and Chen. What do I do.?

+) I have one more thing to say

Is it weird for fanboys to go to fansigns..?

Xiumin Fanboy kekekeke

I came from Sehun’s talk !!!!!

At my school, there’s a Xiumin fanboy

kekekekekekekeke

He resembles a bear, and he’s a bit plump and cute. He came to my classroom and turned on EXO’s radio appearance. When Xiumin said “honey~”, he shyly had his hands in front his mouth 

and kept saying “Oo-mini hyung…Oo-mini hyung. Xiumin TT TT kyahhh~~~~~~ You’re so cute TT TT”

Wow, seriously, Xiumin makes even guys fall for him…

Even though I’m a guy, I really like Xiumin

Hello, I’m a Xiumin fanboy (oong-nam)..

I don’t know when I started to like Xiumin, but I kept saving his pictures on my phone until one day, I found that I had 2000 pictures saved on my phone….I have a lot more on my computer.

What should I do? I’m not gay.

I only like Xiumin. My wallpaper, kakaotalk background, and phone theme are all Xiumin.

I never even thought a female idol was all that pretty before.  But when I saw his picture for the first time, I thought he was really pretty. 

One time, I pretended that I had a sister to buy his photo card. This is embarrassing to admit, but I even bought makeup to get his photocard.

What should I do .. I worried a lot about whether I should post this, but I decided to post this anyway. Do you think it’s weird that I like Xiumin?

Heechul

130902 Sukira Radio Broadcast

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J29OaVNwoxk 

Starts from 1:15 and ends at 3:03

R: What do you think about doing WGM?

(…)

R: Are there any celebrities that you want to be paired up with?

H: I don’t really know any female celebrities that well.

R: Me too.

H: But… you know… Ryeowook really takes care of exo.

R: Of course. Wait, does that mean you want to do WGM with an exo member?

H: I bet the viewer ratings would be really high then.

R + H: (laughs)

H: But, as you know, Ryewook really takes care of exo (…) Exo is our hoobae, but I’ve only seen them two times at weddings. Whenever they greet me, I always greet them back and run away because I haven’t learned all of their names (pause) but Xiumin!

R: Xiumin? Does that mean you want to do WGM with Xiumin?

(laughs)

R: You’re too much. People say that Xiumin looks like Sohee (T/N: Heechul is a huge Sohee fan)

H: Fine. Are you gonna go all out like that? Put me in the show with Xiumin. Add Sok-chun hyung (T/N: an openly gay celebrity) so we can make a love triangle. Call him!

Extra:

Xiumin’s also a DBSK fanboy!

CREDIT: X

anonymous asked:

Could you write some Jegulus fluff with no established relationship?

James got home from uni, taking the stairs two at a time, and immediately turned on his laptop. It was Thursday, which meant The Black Brothers would be posting another video. James was just a little bit obsessed with them, especially Regulus. He had a bit of a crush on him and had freaked out a bit when Regulus had followed him in Instagram.

Sirius and Regulus Black were two extremely attractive brothers who posted videos on Youtube of them getting drunk and then doing that challenges their followers asked of them. They were always hilarious to see, especially when they failed hardcore at whatever the task was.

“Hey everyone!” Sirius said, waving at the camera excitedly. “I’m Sirius.”

“Hullo!” Regulus said beside him, giving his own wave. “And I’m Regulus.”

“Welcome to the Black Brothers, where we make poor decisions under the influence of alcohol!”

“And you enable us for your own entertainment, you sick fucks!” Regulus joked, putting his arm around Sirius’ shoulders. “So what ill-begotten challenge will we be doing today?”

“Well, I for one am very excited about this one,” Sirius said, rubbing his hands together. “This challenge comes from @Prongs on twitter! Wait, Reg, is that the guy whose Instagram you’re constantly looking at?”

James inhaled sharply and leaned in closer  to the screen.
“What?” Regulus said, a blush rising to his cheeks. “I don’t do that.”

“Yeah you do,” Sirius said, pulling away from Regulus and sliding his phone out of his pocket. He began typing quickly. “Yeah, that’s totally him!”

James had to bite onto his wrist to keep back a squeal as Sirius showed his phone to the camera. It was a picture of James with his shirt off. “Look at him! I can see why Reg likes him.” 

James let out a noise that wasn’t human. He regretted every decision in his life. 

“I’m going to kill you,” Regulus said, shoving Sirius.

Sirius simply laughed and put his phone back into his pocket. “Okay, okay, I’ll move on. So Prongs, AKA the love of Reg’s life, has challenges us to play the guitar while drunk.” 

“In honour of this challenge, we will be drinking Pina Coladas!” Regulus said, seemingly having gotten over his earlier embarrassment.

“I said we should have drank hard liquor like real rock stars,” Sirius said, making a face.

“And you were overruled,” Regulus said shortly as Remus, Sirius’ boyfriend and the camera operator appeared from the side and handed them each a drink.

“How was I overruled?” Sirius asked in confusion. “There’s only two of us!”

“Shh, just drink,” Regulus said, tipping Sirius’ cup up towards his mouth.

The camera cut to later that night when both Regulus and Sirius were absolutely pissed. Some words flashed on the screen, which had never happened before. Prongs - this is for you.

James sat up straight and watched the screen with such intensity that it made his eyes water. Regulus was on the sofa with Sirius in the middle and Remus on Sirius’ other side. 

“He’s just so hot, you know,” Regulus was slurring drunkenly. “Like unbelievably hot. He works out, you know? And there’s all these pictures of him like right after the gym and holy fuck he is fit.”

Sirius and Remus exchanged a look and Sirius looked like he was trying not to laugh.

“And he loves animals which is just…pfft…” Regulus buzzed his lips together and shrugged. “I mean, come on. I think he works at the zoo or something? He’s got all these pictures of baby elephants and cute little penguins. And there’s a picture of him holding a baby fox, which are my favorite fucking animal, and I swear I almost died.”

“Have you ever talked to him?” Sirius asked.

Regulus huffed and dropped his head back onto the sofa. “I’ve commented on some of his photos. Not what I really want to say, just generic bollocks that everyone writes. What I really want to say is oh my god you’re perfect, please marry me and let me snog your perfect face.”

Sirius snorted into his drink. 

James felt his heart start racing but he also felt a bit guilty. Regulus clearly had no idea the camera was on as he said all this. It felt a bit like reading someone’s diary, it was just so invasive. 

James’ phone was blowing up with notifications from Twitter and Instagram but he resolutely ignored them. His eyes were still glued to the screen to hear what Reg would say next.

“I just..how do I even begin to talk to him?” Regulus asked, scrubbing his hand over his face.

“You could always try talking to him,” Remus offered kindly. “He might be excited about it.”

James nodded in agreement with Remus.

Regulus sighed. “I don’t know…” 

The video cut again and James shouted in frustration. It came back on to their usual backdrop as Regulus and Sirius had guitars slung over their shoulders. Sirius actually knew how to play the guitar but as he attempted to play “Sheena is a Punk Rocker.” His movements were sloppy as he switched chords and he kept growling in frustration. It was extremely amusing to see.

Regulus went next and didn’t seem to know anything about playing the guitar. He just kind of kept strumming and sliding his fingers around randomly while Sirius cringed beside him. James wasn’t even sure what song it was meant to be.

“Okay, so Sirius got all the musical talent in our family,” Regulus said with a shrug.

“Either way, i think we can safely say challenge overcome!”

“Thanks for joining us! See you next Thursday where we do more dumb shit that makes us look like assholes.”

“Bye!”

The video cut out and James quickly pressed replay. He usually did that anyway, but he knew he was going to watch this video several times. He dared to look through his notifications on his phone and practically everyone on the internet had sent him a link to the video or were asking him all these invasive questions. He’d gained a good 500 followers in the last half hour.

He wasn’t sure what to do in response to this. Should he comment on the video and hope Regulus saw it? Maybe make a response video of his own.

He couldn’t decide and tossed and turned about it all night. When he woke up in the morning he still didn’t have a good response. Instead he got ready for work, hoping the day might distract him. 

“All right everyone, stay together!” he called out to the group he was showing around the zoo for the day. James was a guide and he was currently taking a small birthday party through the zoo on the safari track. It didn’t seem like it would be difficult keep 12 eight-year-olds together, but it was. He was about to radio Marlene for some help when someone caught his eye.

Sirius, Regulus and Remus were all sitting together at one of the tables, eating soft pretzel and people watching. James froze and looked around in shock, not sure what he was meant to do. Remus seemed to spot him first and nudged Regulus.

“Marlene,” James radioed her quickly. “I need help.”

“Coming!” Marlene said cheerfully through her walkie.

The kids around him kept tugging on his vest in an effort to get him to move but James couldn’t get his feet to move. Regulus Black was making his way right towards James and he was immobile from the shock.

“Hi,” Regulus said softly. “I’m Regulus.”

“I know,” James said, laughing anxiously. “What are you doing here?”

Regulus bounced on the balls of his feet and smiled sheepishly. “It was my brother’s idea. I assume you saw the little stunt he pulled with the camera.”

“Yeah, I um, might have seen it,” James said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Marlene finally showed up. “What do you need, James?” 

“Hi, Marlene, hi!” James said, feeling his palms becoming sweaty inside his pockets. “I have a personal thing to attend to. Would you mind finishing up with my group.”

Marlene looked between James and Regulus and then smiled. “No problem,” she said, herding the children away from them.

“So, this is a bit awkward, isn’t it?” Regulus said, biting his bottom lip. “I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was, you know, obsessed with you or anything. It probably didn’t help that now I’ve shown up at your work unannounced. That’s what I get for listening to Sirius.”

“No, it’s fine!” James said quickly. “I’m glad you found me because see I was trying to think of a way to reach out to you but i hadn’t come up with anything good yet.”

Regulus ran his fingers through his short, dark hair. He looked even better in real life than he did on camera and James had to keep himself from actively drooling. “So, any chance you might want to go out sometime?”
“Of course!” James answered right away. “That sounds great!”

Regulus smiled. “Really?”

“Yeah,” James nodded. “God, you’re actually really here. You came to find me. This is so surreal.”

Regulus stepped forward and took James’ hand in his own. “Want to show me around?” 

James grinned and gave Regulus’ hand a squeeze. “I’d love to.”

elegy for a palace

I need to take you on a very important journey. We’re going through time, back to the summer of 2005.

In case you don’t recall, let me tell you a few things about the summer of 2005. Youtube had been around for about two months. Fall Out Boy and Paramore and The Academy Is were just starting to get popular; the Backstreet Boys had recently reunited, not that anyone cared. There was no such thing as an iPhone, we were still on Generation III of Pokemon and the PS3 wasn’t out yet. To give you a picture of exactly how early this is in internet history, the Numa Numa video came out in December of 2004. We’re talking way back in the wayback.

The internet used to be so fragmented. These days I’d say there are about ten websites that everybody goes on, the Walmarts of the internet, gigantic social networks with userbases larger than the population of New York City that provide all the content and interaction you could possibly need in a sort of one-stop-shopping experience. Everybody is online, and everybody goes to the same shortlist of places. 

It didn’t use to be like that. Ten years ago “social media marketing” was not a thing, nobody had apps on their phone, and the internet was so much less corporate. It was truer, more genuine, and it was also a whole hell of a lot more embarrassing. I want to talk about what I was doing in 2005.

Keep reading

Scoop! - Chapter 10

A/N: I know! An update! I don’t know how it happened that fast, either! It’s late (well, early, 3 a.m., but this just had to come out and I needed to post it. This is fluff, pure fluff, you might want to brush your teeth after this. Enjoy, I’ll be in my bed now, dreaming about this probably.

Safe and Sound

I could lift you up
I could show you what you want to see
And take you where you want to be

‘Safe and Sound’ by Capital Cities

“Mum, I know, I know,” Tom sighed, and rubbed a hand over his face. Since she’d greeted him on the phone five minutes ago, Diana Hiddleston went on and on about how she hadn’t seen her son in two weeks.  “You do know I’ve been in LA and South Sudan, right? I barely had time to eat or sleep.” Well, except for the one night he met Jo and this night when he again was about to meet the woman he had kind of missed.

Keep reading

Grantaire and tumblr

Don’t mind me, I am just stupid girl with another enjoltaire idea. 

So, let’s talk about Grantaire with tumblr blog. 

  • Let’s face it. He is one of those people who are always sluts for aesthetic and colors palette. 
  • No one knows about it but sometimes he takes pictures of whole les amis gang and he just post it on his blog. 
  • MYTHOLOGY. like a lot of MYTHOLOGY 
  • He post a lot of his doodles, at least one per day. It’s some random shit like flying cow or a unicorn, some nature, flowers, urban, random person and then whole les amis, some Enjolras (he posts two, maybe three doodles of enjolras because rest of them are just embarrassing) 
  • Sometimes he would write something short. 
  • His blog is really popular but not because of those things 
  • and not because of MYTHOLOGY AESTHETIC 
  • but because one tag
  •  “about him”
  • you know there is this small tag where he would write about person he fell in love with. Its not something like “omg he smiled at me <33333” 
  • (I think it’s amazing that someone can write something like that and don’t be embarrassed)  
  • tag “about him” is sweet and loving and so, so sad. You read it and you can feel his longing for this man
  • people are mad at the mysterious man because Grantaire is so nice and gentle
  • Well, he couldn’t gave you a proper advice
  • Man, he can’t give himself an advice. He’s kinda shitty at that. You know
  • But he can listen, so he does that. A lot
  • but he told so many times that a person from “about him” tag isn’t bad person. He just has so much more to do
  • So now lets think about “the amazing plot twist” when Enjolras’ forgot his laptop so he asked R to borrow his. 
  • And R was like “okay buddy, here you go. I have to do some stuff so I will leave you with it. I trust you Enjolras, please, don’t do anything stupid with my laptop like watching porn in the middle of Musain” and then he went out
  • Enjolras wanted to do presentation for the next meeting and he clicked on te internet icon but then he noticed that Grantaire didn’t closed it and there was his tumblr and E really didn’t waned to watch it but he is curious soul so he started scrolling 
  • There were photos and doodles and aesthetics, and mythology. He saw les amis’ photos and some selfies with them and “oh I remember that one, we were on movie marathon and courf’ throw popcorn on that guy who was so loud” 
  • and he didn’t knew when he started smiling but here he was with stupid grin on his face and grantaire’s tumblr blog
  • and then he sam the last post “About him”. He started reading it and he was so angry at this guy because how dare he do this to R? To his friend? Also he was kinda jealous ‘cause he might have this little crush on R since one of his protests when everything went to hell because of this one guy who threw a bottle at them and he hit Jehan on their back and Grantaire started a fight with him because of that. And, well, whole les amis joined
  • Also, Jehan broke that guy’s nose. 
  • When whole gang was safe in Bahorel’ house R was the one who bandaged Enjolras’ hands and he was so gently with his wounds and Enjolras forgot every words. He could just stare at him
  • So, back to this shit with mysterious man
  •  Enjolras clicked “about him” tag and went to the beginning and read everything 
  • And he didn’t knew what to do with himself
  • He felt like he shouldn’t know that 
  • but he wanted to know who was that person
  • not because he wanted to kick that person’s ass (well, that too) but because he wanted to be R’s support. He knew he was pretty shitty friend but he really cares about Grantaire
  • So few days later Enjolras asked R to stay after meeting
  • R thought that he did something stupid and bad again but the stayed in Musain with Enjolras. They were alone in the small meeting room. It was quiet until E said “Can I ask you a question?”
  • R was all “you already did” and Enjolras almost went out but R “okay, sorry, what’s up?”
  •  Enjolras took a deep breath and he told him that he saw his tumblr blog and he saw “about him” and he wanted to ask who was that person? Only if R wanted him to know
  • R didn’t knew what to do. He just stare at Enjolras. But after a moment he asked “how did he knew?”
  • And Enjolras told him that he forgot to close his tumblr and Enjolras saw it in accident, but he was curious and he was so sorry, but he still wanted to know. 
  • Grantaire was silent for some minutes because he panicked. He didn’t told anyone about his love, because he already know that it wasn’t a crush anymore but fullpower love. And it was Enjolras. And he didn’t knew what he should do
  • Enjolras regreted that he asked because R looked so scared and he wanted to told him that he didn’t have to answer him because it was his private thing and that he was just curious idiot and he was so so sorry
  • But the he heard “it’s you”
  • And they stood in that room, they didn’t knew what to say to each other so they stayed silent
  • And Enjolras saw so much of R in real life, on his blog but he knew so little about him and he wanted to know him more. He wanted to see all of him
  • But he still didn’t made the first step so
  • He slowly approached R and he took his hand in his. 
  • He looked into his eyes with a question 
  • “do you permit it?”
  • When they kissed it was quiet in the room. 
  • After this there was the last post under “about him” tag. It appeared few days later.
  • It was a photo with two men. A selfie.
  •  One was asleep on the armchair, brown, wild curls, one-day stubble, paint on his dark skin, small smile on his lips. He looked peacful. People knew who he was. 
  • Then there was second man, the one who took the photo. He had blonde hair and gentle smile. His warm blue eyes looked at another man. 
  • Under the photo were six words.
  • “It was always about him”.
  • It was the last post on that blog.

“oh, sure, i have a smartphone, i see it’s useful. but everybody knows that you can’t get a REAL relationship anymore (ha, ha) - everybody is always looking at their phones on buses and during classes. go talk to a stranger! feel the air! eat your body weight in kale! hang on, how do i make a note on this? i wanna write that down, that was a good quote.”

consider this: i am in a long distance relationship with somebody i met in person. we have a very deep connection. we both go to different colleges. we have over forty-two thousand facebook messages: about philosophy, our lives, our deepest secrets, the posts that we find hilarious and want to give the other person so we can share that experience (lizard playing piano with an existential crisis is the most recent) - maybe when he checks his phone in public, he’s just seeing me checking in on him

i have friends in places i never thought i’d find them. i have friends hours away from anywhere i’ve ever been. i have friends from school i rarely spoke to after graduation and i have internet friends who text me every day with pictures of animals and plants. i know people who fell in love over the internet, and when they met in person, it was exactly as perfect as they expected. they meet with an ocean of shared memories already, a match which was already lit. who cares that they weren’t at some office mixer and standing around awkwardly when they first locked eyes. who cares if they were on a pokemon forum. does it matter. is their happiness somehow hurting you in any way. does it offend your “real connection” sensibilities. “we met drunk at a frat party” is just as embarrassing as “i edited her fanfiction.” not everybody meets in hollywood ways. all that matters is that when they met, they were there to stay. friendship and love are amazing that way.

i get it. there are people who really do abuse the system. i personally don’t believe in technology at the table, as much as possible. it really is rude and hurtful when someone pulls out their phone while you’re talking directly to their face. but most of the people i know will excuse it with: “this is my mom, which drugs should i tell her i’m on,” “sorry, waiting for the doctor to get back to me” “hang on lemme show you this snapchat of a cat” “wait i have the perfect vine for that.” and if you have a problem with it - which is valid - just use your “real connection” powers and be an adult about it. say, “i’m sorry, i’m not comfortable when you use that, is there any way you could leave it until i’m done talking?” most people touch their phone subconsciously. they’re not doing it to be mean.

and as for meeting strangers: did your mother teach you nothing. i don’t talk to strangers for a pretty good reason. give me a safe place, and i’ll be incredibly friendly. but the fact i’m texting my friend rather than suddenly striking up a conversation with the dude who keeps burping loudly two seats away from me: that doesn’t mean technology has frozen my heart completely. but when it’s late and i’m tired and i’ve had a long day: it’s so comforting to get warm messages from family. and even if there weren’t circumstances outstanding: maybe your problem isn’t that people are on their phone, it’s that you by yourself feel strangely alone.

just because you feel that you’re becoming distant from your friends: that doesn’t make it true for the rest of us. society changes whenever large-scale changes in technology occur. the way we interact is different. that doesn’t make it wrong. for many of us, this is the only way we can see the faces of our loved ones on a frequent basis. who cares if a connection comes with the support of the internet. learn to adapt to it. and if you feel like you’re addicted: put it down. go for a walk. delete the game you have 458 hours on. solve your own problem. stop pretending like the younger generation is at fault.

phones are portals to books, music, family, friends, to photos, to calming coloring books, to video conferences. instead of seeing a wall: see the window that person is holding. yes, they’re not looking at the grimy floor of the train station. but when you can fill that time usually spent staring into the distance with a discussion of whether academia has reduced artistic representation down to a few hallowed artists of a certain dynamic: why wouldn’t you?

so download the kindle app, re-read harry potter. join online communities. make a twitter. i don’t care that you think you’re cool and distant because you never hashtagged something on instagram. try it before you mock it. talk to people about things. take a web seminar. use the device for good instead of seeing it  as evil. somebody said to me yesterday: all advanced technology would be magic to people of another age. you have something in your hands which would have been a miracle in another day.

use it fully.

—  This coming from someone who has never owned a smartphone/tablet/e-reader in her 21 years of life // r.i.d

I was thinking about Amy’s fan fiction when an idead popped into my head and it made me a a little sad. Then I thought it would be a good story to write and it turned out to be funny too. So, Sheldon reads Amy’s story and wants to punish her.

By the way, I want to thank you for reading my fics, rebloging them and writing little reviews. It’s always good to know when people like your stories, just like Amy’s. I’m so glad she writes fan fiction about herself and Sheldon like we do. 

Keep reading

thankless job; slayer au

tfw ur late to dippica week and ur a mod for it. anyway!! heres the slayer au!! (where pacifica is a vampire slayer (see buffy) and dipper is a creature enthusiast and werewolf) ive been meaning to write for it so im glad i got the chance. its one of my more serious aus which i love practicing with so yay!! happy dippica week my pals!

rated: T (just for swears)

words: 1,004

aged up to teens (about juniors in high school)


“Un deux trois quatre
Cinq six sept huit neuf

Un deux trois quatre
Cinq six sept huit neuf

Sept huit neuf—

Sept huit neuf—“ Pacifica hummed her teacher’s lesson from just earlier that day. She mimicked the movements of her fingers as if she were in her warm cozy den, playing her beautiful black grand piano.

Keep reading

Title: Internet famous
Prompt: Social media (Day 27)
Theme: In another life (AU)

-

-

Sakura parked her car across the street and made her way into the small, crowded restaurant. She loved this place because of the decoration: wooden floors and walls, plants everywhere, white chairs, glass tables. Also, the food, most of it vegan, was great – and it looked great. Aesthetic was everything to her, and to Ino, her best friend, too. Thus, what better place to have lunch together after a year of not seeing each other than this?

Ino was already sitting at the table in the second floor, tapping away in her tablet, as usual. When, she saw her the blonde squealed in delight. Then, there they were: hugging each other like they never thought they’d see each other again.

At last, they sat down and began talking. After the usual how-have-you-beens, Sakura inquired about Ino’s year-long stay in Italy, which she had spent doing Gucci models’ make-up for photo-shoots and runways. Ino claimed that she loved every second of it, even though it was really hard work and her bosses were mean sometimes, and that she already missed everything about that place, especially the lover she had left behind in Milan.

“His name is Sai,” the girl explained. “He’s avery talented artist. You’d love his drawings, Sakura; you should check it out. He made a portrait of me once. It was sooo beautiful. I think I fell in love.”

“With the portrait?” Sakura asked, looking around for a waiter because she had not had eaten anything but an apple and a Venti-sized coffee all day, and she was starving.

“With Sai.”

Now that startled her.“Ohhh. Sounds… serious.”

“What about you, huh? Any special person in your life?”

She opened her mouth to say that no, she had been single and ready to mingle for quite a few months, but in that moment, she spotted the waiter – and she smiled. “Not really, but speaking of my love life,” she whispered, “look at that hottie over there.”

Keep reading

2 Year Anniversary of Daydreams!!!

With the understanding that my mark of two years is quickly approaching, I decided to go through my daydream tag, deep into the masses of more than nine hundred writings only to find my worst, most embarrassing, and favorite daydreams; this also includes a note to all of my little readers, self-reflection through the use of commentary, and a ‘looking back on thethingsiloveabout1d’ segment. 

I know a lot of you don’t read/like het and find it weird and think it’s entirely stupid but thank you SO much, I can’t begin to say thank you enough, if you’ve stuck with me. 

I went through more than 80 pages of this stuff for you. I just about died from embarrassment, but frankly, it’s all worth it. Six p.m. on Daydream Nights have never been more fun, or as rewarding. 

Keep reading

So.... I met GOT7???

I wanted to wait until today to make this post just so that I could try and process everything that happened yesterday :’) So as most of you know I went to the GOT7 fanmeet yesterday in Toronto and seriously had the best day of my life!!! I met up with my favorite internet friend ever @jiminsbean ♥♥♥ and im so sad to be leaving her today :’( we got split up during the concert because we had seats in different sections; I was in a wheelchair, so I bought a ticket with wheelchair accessibility (I was seated in the very back left corner of the orchestra level). I bought a hi-touch ticket, and had been hearing from volunteers all day that GOT7 would come to me for it, as the previous night a woman with photo op had VIXX come to her. By that point i was freaking out like???? They are going to come to me???? So I ended up waiting through all of hi-touch and all of photo op, as I assume they didn’t want people still in the auditorium when they came off stage. I started FREAKING OUT when I saw them pointing up to me then start to run off stage. Jinyoung literally booked it up the stairs, so I talked to him first. I waved at him and said hi as he came up to me, then we shook hands and he said something like, “So yeah that’s that.” And i was like???? ok???? HAHA so the rest of them were still walking up, and Junior was behind my right shoulder (seriously right in my face I WAS DYING HE IS SO HANDSOME) and asked how the stage was and I told him that they looked amazing out there. Yugyeom at that point was really close (can i just point out how tall that boy is, holy tree) and I like grabbed his hand and held it or something haha? and he was looking at me all worried and asking “ok? ok?” (I assume he was referring to my knee brace) And i reassured him that i was really fine (because i was??? i was surrounded by seven hot men??? LSHDHSJA) BamBam was next up the stairs and I greeted him the same, I think I shook his hand and maybe he asked if I was ok?? This is where I started getting REALLY overwhelmed because they were all just coming at once at this point, but I remember waving at and greeting Mark (cries) and Jackson but not JB or Youngjae as they came up the stairs. They all started crowding around me (and Jackson somehow ended up sitting right next to me? Idk) He looked me like dead in the eyes (HIS EYES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL WHAT THE) and asked if I had eaten (I hadn’t, I ate like 12 hours before that lol), so I told him no and he looked at me like he was upset and touched my leg. Then he was like, “We should take a picture.” I wasn’t expecting a picture (because I only paid for hi-touch lol) but I was like!!!! Ok sure haha!!! And they were trying to find someone with a camera/phone and Jackson asked me if I had my phone and I said yeah and started to pull it out of my pocket and Mark was like “No, she has her phone, she has her phone” and then i looked at him omg he is so beautiful okay :’) So i was trying to unlock it and as I’m going to open the camera app but Jackson took my phone out of my hand and was asking if we should take a selfie. Another one of the boys was like “Oh, selfie?” And Jackson was turning my camera to the front camera, but one of the other boys said “No, no, group photo” So Jackson handed my phone over to one of the crew members that came up with them and he took a picture of all of us:’) I honestly couldn’t believe any of it was happening and it all happened so fast, but once the pictures were taken, they started getting up and I was thanking all of them for coming up to me because it meant so much to me and they didn’t have to do that! I tried to thank all of them but I remember just bowing my head at JB lol that is EMBARRASSING like i didn’t even say anything to him haha… but they all told me to get better and thanked me for coming (they were seriously all so sweet) and BamBam hugged me as they left. That’s about all I remember :’) In short, it was so amazing and I am so grateful that they were willing to do that for me (but an ever bigger thanks to TKC for having them do that, and I can’t thank the volunteers enough for setting that up and helping me so much! 

(Photos under the cut)

Keep reading

Convivial Revelations

Summary:  Since the day Phil came rampaging down from his apartment to tell Dan and his music to shut up, the two have become unlikely friends and now live together contentedly in Phil’s apartment. However, Phil has not revealed the fact that he is seeing someone to his viewers and Dan wonders if he ever will or if Phil’s simply too embarrassed by him.

Word Count: 1422

Warnings: A little swearing but that’s it so dw.

Tags: YouTuber!Phil, NonYouTuber!Dan

Keep reading

Growing Some Balls

I recently discovered my “other” message box on Facebook. Did you know you have an “other” box? I always assumed I only had one box. I was wrong. And what I found in there is now consuming me.

As some of you remember, a year ago I got fired from Casino Niagara, after some very sexual heckling. After enduring a night of men chanting,

“Show Us Your Tits!”

and

“Show Us Your Bush!”

I complained to the manager, asking why she didn’t do anything. (We get memos from Casino Niagara telling us NOT to speak back to the crowd, among a dozen other memos.) The audience is mostly people who have been comped free tickets after losing mass amounts of money, then allowed to heavily drink, so that more gambling will occur after the show. As a girl with her Smart Serve, I’m well aware of what over served patrons look like. When I complained, the female employee said,

“Sorry. I thought you liked it.”

Obviously I didn’t like it. Who would? I’m terrible at standing up for myself, but I managed to choke up something, which inevitably got me banned from the club. (blog.walkinsauce.com if you want to read the whole story.) The blog ended up going viral. It was a huge lesson in how the Internet works. It was actually kind of scary. Usually I get excited to see that little @Connect button light up on Twitter. But after my xojane.com article posted, I was overwhelmed. It was terrifying how many eyes were on me- and for such a negative experience. I turned off my phone and went to sleep at 1:00pm. I never expected my big break to be a scandal.

I never mentioned it publically before, but I have emails saved from the night after that show. (Well, I use the word “saved” loosely. I’m the kind of girl that leaves thousands of emails in my inbox. I’m super disorganized like that. Also, deleting emails seems easier on your phone than on your computer, eh?) The manager was taken aback about my concerns. Apparently I didn’t seem “rattled” enough while I was on stage. But she also admitted that she’s still trying to figure out “what comedians like, and don’t like.” Well, comedians aren’t big fans of hecklers in general, but we can deal with them if you let us. One of my favourite thoughts on the subject was what Dean Blundell said when I did his show.

“Christina, that was NOT heckling. Heckling is “You suck!” or “Get off the stage!” What you endured was sexual harassment.”

He’s right. And that’s a fight I should have fought harder for.

Through that whole episode, I was never completely honest. I always said that Yuk Yuk’s was not to blame in all this. I was scared to lose my gigs in their clubs. Nothing means more to comics than stage time. And even though I only make somewhere between $250- $600 a month via the company, I still need that money. (I blame my expensive taste in cheese.) But now that I’ve stumbled upon all these old messages, and discover how many people actually cared about me, and tried to reached me through my own agency, I’m upset again. I protected the company so that I would still have a job. But now I discover they blocked me from all this support. I’m a real life idiot, you guys. The truth is…

They were never on my side.

Before I ever blogged about the incident, I made it a Facebook status update. It got 100’s of comments. I had never had anything that serious on my wall before. Usually my statuses pertain to seeing how long I can go without a shower, or asking if any tall people wanna come over and change my lightbulbs. When my boss at Yuk Yuk’s caught wind of my update, I got a phone call from him. I was scared. I knew I was in trouble.

“I’m going to incorporate a new clause in my contracts where comics aren’t allowed to post about the company on their social media.”

For those of you who don’t know, we all have to sign exclusivity contracts when we sign with the company. This sites that we’re not allowed to take any work outside the company. They can’t possibly give us all enough work to live, but we all sign it, because we want the stage time. And then we all keep second jobs, or live below the poverty line. (If I was smarter, I’d know if this is actually legal.)

When my blog hit the interweb, the response was powerful. It’s weird when you think the way you’re treated is normal, post about it publicly, then learn it’s NOT! People were mad. It wasn’t long til I got a call from my boss. He was furious. Not at the casino, but at me, for speaking out. He yelled at me. The casino had been getting phone calls about my blog, and was now mad at Yuk Yuk’s. I get it. Everyone in Casino Niagara commercials are having the BEST TIME! In reality, most people leave wondering if they saved enough money for parking. (Also in my “other” box: TONS of messages from ex-employees of the casino, confirming they were treated as shitty as me.) Well, I guess Yuk Yuk’s and Casinos have something in common: Profit trumps human rights.

My boss is raging. He yells into the phone:

“I can’t afford to lose that club! They pay their bills on time! I’m not on your side! I’m on the casino’s side! I don’t care about comics! I care about money!”

I was so scared. I burst out crying. I never meant to “bite the hand that feeds you” or whatever that cliche is. He went on to tell me a story I know many comics have heard over the years.

“Lemme tell you a story. Once upon a time, back in the 80’s a comic asked me for a raise. He said, “But they’re all coming to see ME!” So I taught him a lesson. I went to a graveyard, and found a dead guy’s name. I took it, put it on the marquee that night, and the club was STILL packed. People don’t come to see a specific comedian. People come for the Yuk Yuk’s brand.”

At the time I couldn’t disagree. Who am I? Nobody. Nobody really knew who I was. In fact, one of the saddest facts of being a comedian is that a lot of people leave the comedy club, having loved the show, but never remember your name.

Then he put his 3-year old son on the phone for me to talk to. When my conversation with the toddler was over, he reminded me that he has to make money to put food on the table for his family.

“You better hope this doesn’t go to the press.”

My heart was pounding in fear.

I.WAS.BALL-LESS.

It did hit the press. Obvi. I tiptoed through the local radio and TV stations that managed to reach me. (NOBODY reached me through my agents. Nice to pay people commission to be hidden from the world, eh?) I praised Yuk Yuk’s for not being the bad guy in this. Were they ever by my side in any of these interviews? Never. They didn’t want to ruin their relations with the casino. But I never wanted to say anything bad about them, because I didn’t want to lose my gigs in Mississauga next month. (The manager there, Dom is awesome. He actually cares about comedy.)

I did everything I could to appease my boss. We both prayed the attention over this issue would go away. I have this weak habit in life of not fixing problems. I just learn how to use broken things.

I finally left Yuk Yuk’s a year later. I sent an amicable letter quitting. I wasn’t mean. I am greatful for all the growing I did on their stages. But a year after my “Show Us Your Tits, Show Us Your Bush” night, with no support from the man’s name above that logo, I felt gross. I couldn’t tell jokes under that brand for one more minute. I’m actually embarrassed I stayed that long. I had been selling my soul, for the bargain price of $125 a show.

I actually can’t believe I’m writing this. I’ve been called out for having a “fear of being hated.” It’s true. I get along with everybody, possibly even people I shouldn’t. I never read the comments on anything I do. Everything on my YouTube page was posted by others. (I’m terrified of YouTube, cuz in my opinion, that’s where Internet hate goes to soar.) I ditched this wordpress site after the incident. I was too scared to see what people were saying, so I started a new blog on Tumblr, where people can only hit little heart buttons. (Phew!) And because so many of my friends still work for Yuk Yuk’s, I feel bad speaking out against the club. I know these comics really want work. Stage time to a comic is a drug. I get it. Plus, some clubs are actually ran well. Howard Wagman in Ottawa has brewed some of the best comics in the biz- Jon Dore, Jeremy Hotz, Harland Williams- (Is this a tacky time to mention this was MY first comedy club ever? How can I NOT be nostalgic of moments I had on that stage? One of my friends recently said, “I wish I could quit Yuk Yuk’s, but NOT Ottawa.”) The only reason I’m speaking out now is because I found multiple messages in my “other” box, asking me to be on Joy Behar’s show. Joy Behar!! She’s my facking hero! I love her. When I finally wrote the dude back, he wrote,

“We tried sooo hard to get you.”

Due to the exclusivity contract I had with Yuk Yuk’s, everyone should contact them to connect with me. It’s the way business is done as an entertainer. In fact, I would get in trouble if I booked a gig without going through them. But they didn’t want the press. And I never knew Joy Behar cared until now. (Though in my heart, I knew she cared! I willed her to find my story, and apparently she did.) These days the most attention I get from a celebrity is when Patti Stanger responds to my tweets.) There’s something I learned about myself this week. You can underpay me, you can send me shitty places, you can even control me… but if I find out you blocked me from meeting Joy Behar? Well…

Now I’m pissed.

When I find myself having regrets in life, I like to picture myself as Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors. Sure, maybe if I had been less of a coward last year, I’d be cooler right now… Maybe more successful… Maybe not still the owner of a three-legged couch. (I didn’t even get compensated for the $500 I lost that weekend.) But I have to convince myself that making any other moves back then would have lead me to being short haired Gwyneth. (And you DON’T want to end up short-haired Gwyneth. Trust me. I won’t mention any spoiler alert thingys, but come on people. The movie’s from 1998. You should have seen it by now.)

I often think back to that evening on the phone with my boss.

“I have to put food on the table to feed my family!”

I may be single, no kids, no fancy house… but guess what?

I have a table too.

Good riddance, Yuk Yuk’s,

Christina Walkinshaw

Christinawalkinshaw.com

(I know it’s 2014, but I just got a website. I love comedy. I suck as a businesswoman. But at least now, there’s no confusion how to reach me.)

Mega Post (22nd April) # 1

******************************************

(1/1)  From Family Anon:  I’d like to chime again to confirm that DorkyBatch is the real Benedict, the one behind the scenes. There is very little difference between his public and private personas, at least there didn’t used to be (and by that I mean pre-November 2014).

Ballsy:  Thanks sweets, it’s a struggle sometimes to picture that now tho, been a long time since we’ve seen him.

******************************************

(½)   Remember when Benedict was an artist and actor, not a guy hired for commercials? Marvel has been in the works for ages, same hamlet and Sherlock. When the fuq is he gonna act again? >> not addressing this to this particular anon BUT the guy’s energy is drained. Look at him! I know the situation’s been more than frustrating but he is in a toxic relationship (fake, real (:-o) whatever - it is toxic).If it ended yesterday it would be already too late. It is not going to be over soon. Unfortunately.

Ballsy:  Well, we do know when he’s gonna be acting again, August - Hamlet.  Then Dr Strange in November and likely Sherlock in the New Year.  He’s pretty booked up with back-to-back acting work for the next entire year.  And he will need to find some energy for all that, or he’s just not going to be able to endure.
******************************************

(1/3)  Vicars wife here. I have a ticket for Sherlocked on Saturday, but I simply don’t want to go. I refuse to pay for the talks and I wouldn’t want an autograph or photo as that doesn’t appeal to me. I’m only in South London but I’ve decided to write it off. I don’t want to go and deal with the obsessives in the fandom and without MF I’m not that interested anymore. I’m not even sorry (apart from about the £30 I shan’t see again).

Ballsy:   You could sell it to a Fannie, I just checked - Saturday entry tickets are sold out …   

After experiencing one bout of finding myself in the middle of the Fannies … don’t blame you.   
******************************************

(¼)  What a great fucking point. These fans spend hours making gifts, spend hundreds to thousands buying tickets to see him/get a picture, days to weeks travelling to see him. They sit for hours on social media scanning for meanies to take down, wait hrs to see him, they set up blogs devoted to skeptic blogs, they run to his employees to tell them about meanies, they spend time and energy to harass total strangers… And WE’RE the ones obsessed w him and soph?

Ballsy:  *Whistles* 
******************************************

(1/5)   The thing about the “real” Ben, think about when he was that goofy guy w integrity? When his star was RISING. When he needed to dev a fan base. Now he thinks he has one and has to change tracks and re brand, suddenly the nice guy is dropped like mouldy bread. I’ve known ppl like that and they were the nasty person all along. They played nice to get ppl invested in them, w this fuckery wouldn’t be surprised if he is more cold and calculating. We do say it’s all a brand, why not brand dorky?

Ballsy:   That was one idea as to what was behind PissyBatch - that he wanted to lose the fangirls and re-brand.  But there are too many other factors and it was too much of a sudden switch.  There’s a good post coming up on the type of person he seems to be, more awkward than calculating.  At least the him before any PR Branding took place.
******************************************

(1/6)   “Considering that this is a completely new version of him, I’d say the later is more likely. ” I actually think it’s kind of obvious this is the case, since being yourself doesn’t cause weight loss and overt stress. It’s easier, lol. IMO I’m the exact opposite as your submitter. His early, no PR really interviews are goofy, sensitive, etc. I think he was himself but has been told it’s not good enough and is what has made him an Internet laughingstock. That would stress me out.

Ballsy:   See above post - and that separate post coming up.   I did mention that earlier interviews are more like the real him.  The PR and branding/re-branding is what created the other him.
******************************************

(1/7)  It’s been so quiet lately, and I just hope BC is laying low and planning his out (whatever that may be). It seems to me that anything he does these days just draws criticism and side-eye from the sceptics, even when he’s staying out of sight (people think, “I wonder what fuckery they’re planning this weekend?”). Guess it’s a case of damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t. I’m tired this sham, of being suspicious and critical at everything. Really trying to take a step back and not judge.

Ballsy:   Yeah, me too.  It’s quiet - but that doesn’t mean anything is happening.  Also doesn’t mean something isn’t.  He’s had quiet periods before where we haven’t seen him - this time last year in fact.  He was at OzComicCon on the 12th and the next time he was seen was at the CodeBreaker concert with Loo on the 27th.   Sherlocked is coming up - both he and us should enjoy the lull.
******************************************

(1/8)  When was Sophie’s bump upside down? That’s pretty funny, maybe she had to much to drink and got sloppy.

Ballsy:   This lovely submitter picked up on it and sent it in:

http://benedicts-third-testicle.tumblr.com/post/112738379280/submit-ok-i-played-with-contrast-a-little-bit

******************************************

(1/9)  Re Nonny (3/8). Yes, BC seems to work like hell for awhile, then do some big-dollar shilling - but could be that’s the way he plans it. Maybe the ad work is his way of resting; he does a bit of traveling, a few days’ work, couple interviews, goes to a spa, sees the sights and collects a fat check. On-set work is grinding and all day; two or three of these in a row pays well, but it’s taxing. Trip to China, fake driving, pretty girls, nice massage, no wife…what’s not to like?

Ballsy:   I’m sure Laureus was a bit of work tho.  But yeah, I’m sure none of us would mind two days work for a fat pay check that means you can take a couple months off …
******************************************

(1/10)  Prediction. The baby will look like Ben because he and wifey are identical twins. He will frequently mention the baby’s resemblance to HIM (he never mentions her, anyway), trying to dispel rumors (which may or may not be true) that the baby is not his.

Ballsy:   I don’t get this twin thing.  I just saw a BAFTA pic.  Compare their eyes - she has quite large eyes compared to his “alien lizard king” ones.  Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t see it.  Ahhh, maybe it’s the expressions.  They both look wooden and fake when next to each other.  That must be it.  Anyhoo, we’ve seen that before - the insistence over and over that they are “loved up” the continuing beating us over the head in each article that she’s an oh, so accomplished theatre director.  And time and again The Fail feeling the need to push the “dating since 2013” rubbish.  So, shall we expect “gosh doesn’t little Somebody look JUST like Benedict?” with accompanying pictures of him as a baby as if to prove it?   Putting that on the list of potential what to expect fuckery.
******************************************

(1/11)  I am a registered nurse who is in the wtf pregnancy camp. They HAVE to produce a ‘somebody’ but how will be interesting. As for beebee, his drop from the popularity polls is not surprising. He was so charming before so I fell for him like a brick! That’s so over though. His choice of a partner really sucks, but it’s his choice. PS love this site more each day! You rock, please don’t leave!

Ballsy:   I like that term better, it’s more descriptive - it may or may not be fake, but it is most definitely a WTF Preg.  Yes, charm factor is definitely down at the mo.  And thanks!   I thought I’d be done by now, but the fuckery continues.  I will have to take time off this weekend, going away for some - but I’ll be back.  ;)
******************************************

(1/12)    I think the only reason he went thru w the wedding, despite being told he shouldn’t by the decent folk in his life, is because he wanted to go all the way w a sham family. I don’t think he would have staged his stunt wedding at such an embarrassingly obvious time if he hadn’t firmed up the adoption of a kid for his lie family. I also think it’s why he is shilling his dependants now rather than protect them like a normal protective husband and father. He has a stunt family to promote!

Ballsy:   If that IS the case, and I srsly hope not - then his transition to the Dark Side will be complete.
******************************************

(1/13)  I agree w Ben being a coward. I sent a submit to ummzak about the type of blackmail and threats that happen where I’m from. That’s not to say threatening a whole career is play doh games, but where I’m from children and elderly family members are kidnapped and held, houses and businesses get burned down, ppl go missing. Ppl live in the face of that. BC is a coward worried about a career hiccup and embarrassment and he wants fame and acceptance in Hwood. He is a coward to weak to come clean

Prev anon, and before other skeptics and fannies scream “ YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WOULD DO!!” Yes. I do. I’ve had it happen and I’ve seen it happen. Where lives were at risk, the lives of family, physical harm threatened, families run out of town. You hold your head up and have pride and act w integrity and bravery. Unless someone can prove what’s happening to him is worse, he get absolutely no sympathy from me. Sorry not sorry

prev anon again, sorry for the rant. i would like to add, these families in my town did not have the education BC had, nor the funds. they did not have access to millions of dollars, the best legal rep, crisis managers, and PR money could buy if they needed it. they didn’t have family over seas they could flee to, they didn’t own property, many dind’t have bank accounts. ben has more money and resources than god, tell me again there is no way out for him but pathetic, weakling dishonestly?

Ballsy:   Exactly - far too many people suffer far worse consequences, and most not of their doing in this world than “I might not get the jobs I want because some elderly Academy Members think I’m gay”.  Sheesh!   I’ve mentioned I work in Disability Support - I see ongoing day to day suffering, difficulties and hardship.   What Ben might be dealing with is the epitome of “first world problems”. Cowboy up already.
******************************************

(1/14)  oh wanna bet the oh so caring, loving parents who would never, ever do a single thing to jeopardize the health and safety of their first child, the unborn baby they have dreamed of, rocks up to the met anyway? it’s on the 4th, the article said she is due at the end of May. She tech could get a docs note (from a low rent, cut corners risky doc, sure). Who cares what is best practice and safest? Its ben and sophies time to shine! Screw safety! Horrible people, the both of them.

Ballsy:   They’ve been invited, we don’t know if that invite list has been published because they have accepted, or just to float a few A-List names around to drum up tickets sales to those to want to hob-knob with the A-Listers.  And he might show up solo.  Let’s wait and see if the BoBo belly gets another showing under a circus tent before we really go to town on them. 
******************************************

(1/15)   wait wait wait, so she is going to that RACIST met gala (um ben, you let coloured slip like someone’s drunk grandpa, your wife best buddy is racist all over twitter, now you’re going to something called “Chinese whispers”? starting to wonder about you. why you hook up w those wocs again B? Oh right, i know….) anyway, ben and his crews obvious racism aside (cause really, its just another weekday) who is the doc signing off on her flying during her due month? He should lose his right to practice.

Ballsy:   Again, see above - she might not rock up.  As for the other, he just visited China.  He’s an “ambassador” there for two companies.  Attending this ball with this theme, not the best politics.   Tho, we all did a sharp intake of breath when we heard about the theme - these folk don’t see it.
******************************************

(1/16)  omg omg yes yes yes yes they are going to the MET ball! yeeeeesssss! baby aside, EVERYONE who is in fashion would know that Sophies dress was last season off the rack valentino (if you’re suggesting the people who make, live, breath, and are the fashion industry would not know this about fashion house royalty, then i have a bridge to sell you) they will all know the stuff Soph said about it being custom made was pure bullshit (i mean, you can look the dress for fuqs sake!) fucking. hilarious.

Ballsy:   Ah, yes - thanks for the reminder.  Will they be sniggering behind their backs at her?    She’s kinda like the “new money” invitee isn’t she?

******************************************

(1/17)  the MET gala? when? directly before she gives birth? (fuck her childs safety, pretty dresses and parties!) directly after giving birth? bonding, down time as a family? family before work? privacy? did i mention the dresses? *snort*

Ballsy:   Snort.
******************************************

(1/18)  So… The Drab Duo are on the guest list for the Met Gala… Isn’t there some kind of medical restriction for pregnant about flying in your 3rd trimester, especially if you are “due” in a month’s time? I mean, they’ve all got to be on the same page now with timelines to solve the issue of attendance or not…. Right? Don’t want to make him look like an even bigger joke… ~Minneapolis

Ballsy:   Flying 3 weeks before due date?  LOL.  Like I said, this will be very interesting . . .  

PR, gonna give you help here.  I know, I know.  He needs to go solo.  Of course, they won’t listen will they?  And So-So will SO want to go to hob-knob . . . 
******************************************

(1/19)  Aargh, it’s been quiet fuckerywise, so I’ve re-read some posts (as you do) and came across the Scotland pics (boat), TFOE’s got them up. Really intrigued now, as the bloke with the white cap and the mobile (also in another pic) - hm, looks familiar? Sent this ask to TFOE, too, would be interesting to see if others see a resemblance? Not bothered if not, just curious. And nooooo, nans - it wouldn’t prove true love, bc it was def after Hay and FO anyway, just to nip any gloating in the bud.

Ballsy:   It’s been looked at before - it’s not Ben.  And I have those shots over on 4th Testicle too.
******************************************

(1/20)  EARTH TO BENEDICT! YOU CONSTANTLY PUT YOUR FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY RACIST THINGS! YOUR WIFES FRIENDS SAY RACIST THINGS ALL OVER SOCIAL MEDIA. AS FUNNY AS IT WOULD BE TO SEE HER WADDLE UP TO THE MET AFTER THE CONFIRMED LIES IN VOGUE, IN FRONT OF ALL OF THE FASHION WORLD, DON’T GO TO THIS THING!!

Ballsy:   ^^^ Yep, that would be the good PR move.  Avoid the bad politics with the China theme.  Avoid looking like you don’t care about the bub.  Avoid all the issues with her travelling and us getting a good bump look again.  But no, it’s publicity, it’s hob-knobbing - they might just do it anyway.
******************************************

Growing Some Facking Balls

(This blog is technically not about Tinder, but it is important for me to post. Somehow I’ve ended up with 3 blog sites. Why am I on the run from the internet?)

I recently discovered my “other” message box on Facebook. Did you know you have an “other” box? I always assumed I only had one box. I was wrong. And what I found in there is now consuming me.

As some of you remember, a year ago I got fired from Casino Niagara, after some very sexual heckling. After enduring a night of men chanting,

“Show Us Your Tits!”

and

“Show Us Your Bush!”

I complained to the manager, asking why she didn’t do anything. (We get memos from Casino Niagara telling us NOT to speak back to the crowd, among a dozen other memos.) The audience is mostly people who have been comped free tickets after losing mass amounts of money, then allowed to heavily drink, so that more gambling will occur after the show. As a girl with her Smart Serve, I’m well aware of what over served patrons look like. When I complained, the female employee said,

“Sorry. I thought you liked it.”

Obviously I didn’t like it. Who would? I’m terrible at standing up for myself, but I managed to choke up something, which inevitably got me banned from the club. (Link to old blog here blog.walkinsauce.com, if you wanna know the full story.) The blog ended up going viral. It was a huge lesson in how the Internet works. It was actually kind of scary. Usually I get excited to see that little @Connect button light up on Twitter. But after my xojane.com article posted, I was overwhelmed. It was terrifying how many eyes were on me- and for such a negative experience. I turned off my phone and went to sleep at 1:00pm. I never expected my big break to be a scandal.

I never mentioned it publically before, but I have emails saved from the night after that show. (Well, I use the word “saved” loosely. I’m the kind of girl that leaves thousands of emails in my inbox. I’m super disorganized like that. Also, deleting emails seems easier on your phone than on your computer, eh?) The manager was taken aback about my concerns. Apparently I didn’t seem “rattled” enough while I was on stage. But she also admitted that she’s still trying to figure out “what comedians like, and don’t like.” Well, comedians aren’t big fans of hecklers in general, but we can deal with them if you let us. One of my favourite thoughts on the subject was what Dean Blundell said when I did his show.

“Christina, that was NOT heckling. Heckling is “You suck!” or “Get off the stage!” What you endured was sexual harassment.”

He’s right. And that’s a fight I should have fought harder for.

Through that whole episode, I was never completely honest. I always said that Yuk Yuk’s was not to blame in all this. I was scared to lose my gigs in their clubs. Nothing means more to comics than stage time. And even though I only make somewhere between $250- $600 a month via the company, I still need that money. (I blame my expensive taste in cheese.) But now that I’ve stumbled upon all these old messages, and discover how many people actually cared about me, and tried to reached me through my own agency, I’m upset again. I protected the company so that I would still have a job. But now I discover they blocked me from all this support. I’m a real life idiot, you guys. The truth is…

They were never on my side.

Before I ever blogged about the incident, I made it a Facebook status update. It got 100’s of comments. I had never had anything that serious on my wall before. Usually my statuses pertain to seeing how long I can go without a shower, or asking if any tall people wanna come over and change my lightbulbs. When my boss at Yuk Yuk’s caught wind of my update, I got a phone call from him. I was scared. I knew I was in trouble.

“I’m going to incorporate a new clause in my contracts where comics aren’t allowed to post about the company on their social media.”

For those of you who don’t know, we all have to sign exclusivity contracts when we sign with the company. This sites that we’re not allowed to take any work outside the company. They can’t possibly give us all enough work to live, but we all sign it, because we want the stage time. And then we all keep second jobs, or live below the poverty line. (If I was smarter, I’d know if this is actually legal.)

When my blog hit the interweb, the response was powerful. It’s weird when you think the way you’re treated is normal, post about it publicly, then learn it’s NOT! People were mad. It wasn’t long til I got a call from my boss. He was furious. Not at the casino, but at me, for speaking out. He yelled at me. The casino had been getting phone calls about my blog, and was now mad at Yuk Yuk’s. I get it. Everyone in Casino Niagara commercials are having the BEST TIME! In reality, most people leave wondering if they saved enough money for parking. (Also in my “other” box: TONS of messages from ex-employees of the casino, confirming they were treated as shitty as me.) Well, I guess Yuk Yuk’s and Casinos have something in common: Profit trumps human rights.

My boss is raging. He yells into the phone:

“I can’t afford to lose that club! They pay their bills on time! I’m not on your side! I’m on the casino’s side! I don’t care about comics! I care about money!”

I was so scared. I burst out crying. I never meant to “bite the hand that feeds you” or whatever that cliche is. He went on to tell me a story I know many comics have heard over the years.

“Lemme tell you a story. Once upon a time, back in the 80’s a comic asked me for a raise. He said, “But they’re all coming to see ME!” So I taught him a lesson. I went to a graveyard, and found a dead guy’s name. I took it, put it on the marquee that night, and the club was STILL packed. People don’t come to see a specific comedian. People come for the Yuk Yuk’s brand.”

At the time I couldn’t disagree. Who am I? Nobody. Nobody really knew who I was. In fact, one of the saddest facts of being a comedian is that a lot of people leave the comedy club, having loved the show, but never remember your name.

Then he put his 3-year old son on the phone for me to talk to. When my conversation with the toddler was over, he reminded me that he has to make money to put food on the table for his family.

“You better hope this doesn’t go to the press.”

My heart was pounding in fear.

I.WAS.BALL-LESS.

It did hit the press. Obvi. I tiptoed through the local radio and TV stations that managed to reach me. (NOBODY reached me through my agents. Nice to pay people commission to be hidden from the world, eh?) I praised Yuk Yuk’s for not being the bad guy in this. Were they ever by my side in any of these interviews? Never. They didn’t want to ruin their relations with the casino. But I never wanted to say anything bad about them, because I didn’t want to lose my gigs in Mississauga next month. (The manager there, Dom is awesome. He actually cares about comedy.)

I did everything I could to appease my boss. We both prayed the attention over this issue would go away. I have this weak habit in life of not fixing problems. I just learn how to use broken things.

I finally left Yuk Yuk’s a year later. I sent an amicable letter quitting. I wasn’t mean. I am greatful for all the growing I did on their stages. But a year after my “Show Us Your Tits, Show Us Your Bush” night, with no support from the man’s name above that logo, I felt gross. I couldn’t tell jokes under that brand for one more minute. I’m actually embarrassed I stayed that long. I had been selling my soul, for the bargain price of $125 a show.

I actually can’t believe I’m writing this. I’ve been called out for having a “fear of being hated.” It’s true. I get along with everybody, possibly even people I shouldn’t. I never read the comments on anything I do. Everything on my YouTube page was posted by others. (I’m terrified of YouTube, cuz in my opinion, that’s where Internet hate goes to soar.) I ditched this wordpress site after the incident. I was too scared to see what people were saying, so I started a new blog on Tumblr, where people can only hit little heart buttons. (Phew!) And because so many of my friends still work for Yuk Yuk’s, I feel bad speaking out against the club. I know these comics really want work. Stage time to a comic is a drug. I get it. Plus, some clubs are actually ran well. Howard Wagman in Ottawa has brewed some of the best comics in the biz- Jon Dore, Jeremy Hotz, Harland Williams- (Is this a tacky time to mention this was MY first comedy club ever? How can I NOT be nostalgic of moments I had on that stage? One of my friends recently said, “I wish I could quit Yuk Yuk’s, but NOT Ottawa.”) The only reason I’m speaking out now is because I found multiple messages in my “other” box, asking me to be on Joy Behar’s show. Joy Behar!! She’s my facking hero! I love her. When I finally wrote the dude back, he wrote,

“We tried sooo hard to get you.”

Due to the exclusivity contract I had with Yuk Yuk’s, everyone should contact them to contact me. It’s the way business is done as an entertainer. In fact, I would get in trouble if I booked a gig without going through them. But they didn’t want the press. And I never knew Joy Behar cared until now. (Though in my heart, I knew she cared! I willed her to find my story, and apparently she did.) These days the most attention I get from a celebrity is when Patti Stanger responds to my tweets.) There’s something I learned about myself this week. You can underpay me, you can send me shitty places, you can even control me… but if I find out you blocked me from meeting Joy Behar? Well…

Now I’m pissed.

When I find myself having regrets in life, I like to picture myself as Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors. Sure, maybe if I had been less of a coward last year, I’d be cooler right now… Maybe more successful… Maybe not still the owner of a three-legged couch. (I didn’t even get compensated for the $500 I lost that weekend.) But I have to convince myself that making any other moves back then would have lead me to being short haired Gwyneth. (And you DON’T want to end up short-haired Gwyneth. Trust me. I won’t mention any spoiler alert thingys, but come on people. The movie’s from 1998. You should have seen it by now.)

I often think back to that evening on the phone with my boss.

“I have to put food on the table to feed my family!”

I may be single, no kids, no fancy house… but guess what?

I have a table too.

Good riddance, Yuk Yuk’s,

Christina Walkinshaw

Christinawalkinshaw.com

(I know it’s 2014, but I just got a website. I love comedy. I suck as a businesswoman. But at least now, there’s no confusion how to reach me.)