i am ready to physically injure something

who wants 2 hear some fun things abt bard+his cute fuckin family

(i don’t care ur gonna hear em anyway)

  • sigrid’s like a Cool Mum but bain is 100% the fussy Mother Hen of the family. sigrid would braid tilda’s hair but bain would wrap her up in 1001 winter layers before letting her go outside i will fight dragons on this
  • whenever bard is very obviously exhausted but insists that he’s perfectly fine his tiny children will tackle him until he falls and promises not to get up (with many a dadly roar of exertion along the way)
  • ‘may dwarves climb out of your toilet’ accidentally becomes a family joke/proverb for 'good luck’ which then becomes very awkward when tilda says it to visiting elves in absolute earnest before she can stop herself (ft. sigrid and bain absolutely losing it amongst shocked/offended elven splutters)
  • they’ve shared this great old bed since time immemorial and are collectively The Worst like sigrid kicks, bain is a blanket hog, tilda sleeptalks and bard snores but they all sleep beautifully
  • bard refers to all of his children as Favourite but tilda is the real favourite. tilda is everyone’s favourite this is an accepted fact 90% of the population have given her free food at least once
  • bard accidentally ingrained a very deep sense of utter disrespect for authority in his kids to the point where they physically cannot go outside without doing something sneaky/back-handed to insult the gentry of laketown. bard is a tiny bit frustrated and a huge bit proud