i am probably the most ill fitted person for making this

5 Reason’s Why Supernatural is the Gayest Show on Television (That’s Still Stuck in the Closet)

To start with, I’m not delusional.  I’m fully aware that the studio and execs have settled into a comfortable pattern with Supernatural, and especially considering it’s heavily mixed demographic (interestingly, it was ranked a favorite among republicans and democrats in 2016) they’re unlikely to rock the ship with a canonically queer relationship between two of it’s main characters.  

However, it’s important to understand exactly how much queerness is bubbling beneath the thick surface layer of “no homo:”  from the orgies of male-on-male eyesex to the inspiration for most of its main characters, Supernatural is queer to its very core. 

Here are five (blaring but stubbornly unacknowledged) reasons why:


1.  Dean’s gratuitously bisexual inspiration. 

Whenever someone claims a queer interpretation of Dean is baseless, I’m always happy to direct them straight to his flamingly bisexual source:  Dean Moriarty, his namesake and direct inspiration, a la the novel On the Road.  

Admittedly, I read On the Road and didn’t particularly enjoy it, as I found it to be a somewhat masturbatory reassertion of masculinity for its narrator, Sal Paradise.  Sal idolizes and fixates the charismatic Dean and his promiscuous lifestyle, openly having sex with and impregnating multiple women, and is all around a heterosexual power figure…right up until the point at which Dean propositions a male prostitute.  

Though he’s never shown doing anything gratuitous with male characters (since the book was published in the 1960s, it wouldn’t have been legal to) it’s clear that Dean is very much bisexual, not ashamed of it, and in terms of personality, very similar to Dean.  There are a few key differences (Dean Moriarty, for example, legitimately gives zero fucks about anything, whereas Dean Winchester is secretly a little ball of anxiety with the weight of the world on his shoulders) but it’s clear where Eric Kripke got his inspiration from.

Moreover, Dean Moriarty was in turn based off of the real life bisexual counterculturist Neal Cassady, who among other things had a twenty-year sexual relationship with a male poet.  Here, he is pictured in a Denver mugshot: 

So next time someone tells you the homoerotic subtext of Supernatural exists only in the imagination of rabid fangirls, remember that Dean is the direct descendant of two ragingly bisexual icons.

2.  Castiel (or at least his wardrobe) was also based off of a bisexual character.

For a show so aggressively devoted to a “no homo” interpretation, it has a real propensity to drawing inspiration from queer characters:  everyone’s favorite baby in a trench coat, for example, was modeled after the demon-busting John Constantine from the Hellblazer comics.  Yup, another bisexual.   

Though in true assbutt fashion, his love of men is censored in movie and TV adaptions, Constantine unabashedly swings both ways in paper form – a.k.a. where Kripke found inspiration for Castiel’s look.  Here, we see him platonically receiving a man-hug from one of his bros:

So I’m not saying the fact that two out of three main characters are modeled after canonically queer figures could have anything to do with Supernatural’s gratuitous queer subtext, but y’know.  It might.

3.  Cas himself is sexually complex (and literally cannot be straight.) 

Dean has made reference to the fact that he “doesn’t swing that way” (ironically, both of which times he was literally in the midst of blatantly flirting with men.)  

Cas, however, has no such reservations:  he’s never indicated, vocally or otherwise, a preference towards either gender, so much as outright declaring that he doesn’t give a damn.  

He reacts to male and female flirtation much the same way:  just try and tell me his suspicious glower and Mick wasn’t similar to Mandy the waitress (and try and tell me they both weren’t acting like they’d like to eat him for dinner.)

Moreover, the only time we’ve seen him ever achieve some kind of intimacy with female characters is when they’re literally throwing themselves at him.  Hey, he’s an aesthetically pleasing fellow – or rather, an aesthetically pleasing something.  

Which brings me to my next point that he isn’t really a fellow at all:  Cas not only gives zero fucks about sexual orientation, he also gives zero fucks about gender.  Sure, he’ll spend seven years in the same ill-fitting trench coat, but he’ll also rock a petticoat like nobody’s business.

I’ve discovered that the writer for “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets,” Steve Yockey, is a gay man, which honestly makes it all the more perfect:  not only does it establish the Orlando-esque flexibility (or nonexistence) of Cas’s gender, but it eliminates the possibility of his straightness.  

And I want Destiel to be canon as much as anybody, but am I opposed to Cas being a genderfluid lesbian?  No.  No, I am not.    

4.  Dean can textually be interpreted as bisexual (and probably should be.)

For anyone who questions whether Dean not being straight as an arrow, I’m happy to point out some very canon things that happened on the show:

(Examples courtesy of @some-people-call-it-tragic!)

And yes, when feeling threatened, he’s professed not to swing that way.  But you know how many queer people I know who have at one point felt compelled to lie about our sexual orientation?  Every single one.  And I live in the bluest of blue states – Dean was raised in Bible Belt America and spends most of his time in the Southwest.  Not to mention the fact that he was raised during the heat of the AIDS academic.

In other words, he has every logical reason to be wary at the prospect of coming out of the closet, or even acknowledging same sex attraction at all.

Moreover it’s been canonically established that Dean has a habit of lying about himself to protect his image of masculinity:  according to Dean, he doesn’t do shorts, chick flicks, cucumber water, skinny jeans and sunglasses, and Taylor Swift music.  You know how many of those things he loves?  All of them

Finally, not every member of the cast or crew might agree (though I know for a fact that some of them do) but their interpretations do not effect textuality.  And Dean can textually be interpreted as bisexual.  

5.  Dean and Cas make a better couple than any of their love interests.

I’m going to state something I feel is obvious:  Cas and Dean have more buildup, tension, chemistry, emotional connection, and romantic history than literally any of their other interests.  

Take Lisa, for example:  she’s Dean’s longest lasting introduced as female partner, and she’s introduced as the “bendiest weekend of his life.”  

Furthermore, I’d argue that sexual attraction notwithstanding, Dean was never romantically in love with Lisa.  To him, she epitomizes his desire for a mother figure, a home, and his lost childhood, as is best demonstrated in his fantasy from “Dream a Little Dream of Me:”  Lisa isn’t a seductive or romantic figure here – she’s a maternal one. 

Though since Dean has never had a long lasting relationship (or, to my belief, been completely in love with a girl) it’s easy to see how he’d misinterpret these feelings as romantic love. 

Then we have Cas, who’s introduced by pulling Dean from the depths of hell, who makes most one-on-one scenes with Dean look like a soft core porno, and who recently (canonically!) declared his love for Dean.  

I don’t dislike Lisa, but it’s easy to see which of the two relationships is more three-dimensional, more original, and more worthy of screentime.

World Enough and Time + Disability Representation

Warning: Spoilers

I expected World Enough an Time to be an amazing episode because, hey, two Masters and Mondasian Cybermen.  I did not expect this episode to be amazing because of disability representation, but it was.  In fact, I might call this episode one of my favorites, not because of the story, but because it was the first time I have seen myself onscreen.

I don’t talk about my disabilities on this blog since my main blog @spoonieswimmer is my platform for that.  I am chronically ill.  I am disabled.  I have been sick for four and a half years.  My illness was actually what got me into fandom in the first place, and it effects every second of my life.  In all that time, tonight was the first time seeing someone like me on screen.  And the character is the co-star on Doctor Who, my absolute favorite show.

Now don’t get me wrong.  Disability representation has been getting better.  (Class, anyone?)  In the past two seasons of Doctor Who, we have had 2 disabled characters.  (3, counting World Enough and Time.)  That’s great, but still a little weak.  And, disability is not one size fits all.  As a person with an invisible illness, my life is very different from someone who is D/deaf.  So, tonight was not the first time I have seen disability on tv, but it was the first time I have seen someone with a disability like mine.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I am talking about Bill Potts.  Up until this episode, Bill was not disabled.  I am not even sure she was written to be disabled in this episode, but that does not change the fact that she is disabled.  In the absolute broadest terms, a disability is a condition that causes limitations in a person’s life.  Now, it is actually much more complex than this, but Bill’s fake heart definitely posed limitations on her.

I’m going to break down aspects of the episode and how they relate to me as a disabled person.  We’ll start with some superficial comparisons between Bill and myself and get deeper as we go.

  • Bill has a large device (her artificial heart) sticking out of her chest.  This is what keeps her alive.
    • I have a device implanted under the skin of my chest called a portacath.  A thin tube connects this device to my aorta and the tube ends just above my heart.  Every week, I have a needle inserted through my skin into the port and it can be used to deliver lifesaving medication.  Although my port is much smaller than Bill’s heart, it is still noticeable and uncomfortable.
  • Bill spent a significant portion of the episode dragging around an IV pole.
    • As part of my treatment, I get IVs done twice a week, though it used to be daily.  I spend six to ten hours a week hooked up to an IV, and, let me tell you, those things are really hard to drag around.  I actually spend most of my time watching Doctor Who while the bag drips.
  • At one point in the episode, Bill sat down into a wheelchair.  She could still walk, but it was on hand, which means she was likely a part-time wheelchair user.
    • Mobility devices are part of my life.  I have used a cane for some time, and lately I have been thinking of getting a wheelchair for part-time use.  I can walk, but it is painful and takes a lot of strength and energy that I don’t often have.
  • Bill cannot leave the hospital or her heart stops working.
    • Due to my disabilities, I am effectively housebound.  I leave my house about once a week, and get extremely sick every time I do.  I have had to quit school, sports, and all social activities because of it.
  • Bill has one friend for her entire stay in the hospital.  
    • It is very alienating to have a disability.  This is not only because it takes so much energy to go out and often you aren’t able to, but it is extremely hard to make and keep friends when your lives are so different.  
  • Bill’s one friend betrays her.
    • When you get sick, you quickly learn that friends don’t stick around.  Once they realize you won’t get better, they slowly stop talking to you one by one.  Four and a half years later, I have no friends left.  I thought that they were true friends, but they betrayed me, just like Bill was betrayed.
  • Bill spends the entire episode waiting for the Doctor.
    • When you are disabled, you spend a lot of time hoping, praying, and waiting for someone to help you.
  • Bill gets turned into a Cyberman.
    • Help does not come fast enough for the disabled.

I’ve cried over this episode.  I have spent a long time writing this, and I still have not managed to convey how important it is to me.  How important it is to have representation.  I could probably spend days pointing out metaphors for disability in this episode, and I sincerely hope that this is not the only time I will ever see myself on screen.  Representation is so important for every minority, but please, please, do not leave the disabled out of your activism.

My Great Comet Experience...

Last night I had the great fortune to see Natasha, Pierre and The Great Comet of 1812 and there were so many amazing things that happened so I wanted to tell you all about it.

-First of all the theatre is absolutely beautiful. It is fully decorated in velvet curtains and immaculate paintings

-I was seated on the lower stage which was absolutely amazing. we had comfy chairs and a cute little table to put stuff on (trust me you may receive a decent amount of stuff during the show)

-At the very beginning of the show the whole cast (except Pierre) come out to hand out pierogi and explain the actor’s paths and other basic things

-The pierogi is amazing and I definitely advise getting one

ACT 1

-The moment when Pierre steps out of the door the whole room changes and you truly start to believe that you are in Moscow during 1812

-In this particular performance I saw Dave Malloy as Pierre and it was honestly so amazing to see the man who created the whole show play his part on the stage

-I also Saw Ingrid Michaelson as Sonya who was absolutely amazing on her Broadway Debut.

-During the song the lighting is amazing and it is a truly dazzling experience

-The song ‘Pierre’ is definitely one of the best and it should be known that the actors go almost everywhere so you should definitely be prepared for that

-During Pierre I had a quick interaction with Lucas Steele (who plays Anatole if you didn’t know) that was absolutely amazing. During the song he came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder, then he swung around me to sit on the stairs to my left resulting in us being two inches apart

-Grace McLean’s vibrato during ‘Moscow’ is absolutely amazing and they add so much humor into the song that it makes it so much better

-In the song ‘The Private and Intimate Life of the House’ Nicolas Belton (who played Andrey/Prince Bolkonsky) did an amazing job of adding a subtle humor to the role while still making him a despicable character

-Mary is such a pure character that you honestly can’t help but want to protect

-’The Private and Intimate Life of the House’ is very intense and personally brought me back to some very rough times so good job to those actors and Dave Malloy for making the movement so real and truthful

-During the beginning of ‘Natasha and the Bolkonskys’ the actors do a great job of audience participation that is honestly very funny

-The whole “Constrained and Strained phrase was a moment of pure musical bliss

-When ‘No One Else’ started the lights changed so beautifully and the air conditioning started to pump in completely changed the energy in the room

-Every single note from Denee was totally on point and completely transported you from the theatre to a world unlike everything

-’No One Else’ was absolutely perfect and had such an amazing blend of joy and sadness within it

-During ‘The Opera’ there is a lot going on around the theatre so be sure that you are able to look around at everything

-Dolokhov and Helene are honestly so cute together

-Pierre jumping up at “No, I am enjoying myself at home this evening” added the perfect amount of humor to the scene

-The literal opera was very odd and kind of humorous in a way

-When Anatole enters the Air Conditioning is turned up, truly pulling you into the story

-Anatole and Natasha was on point with every single note and there was a unexpected amount of humor that made the scene work so much better

-The intro to ‘The Duel’ added a lot of humor that made the hundred times better

-Dolokhov winked at me upon entering the scene

-’The Duel’ uses a pretty intense strobe light, so if you are epileptic or have had a concussion keep that in mind when nearing this scene

-This whole scene is very intense and there was a lot going on

-During the actual duel Pierre is fully shitfaced and it is literally climbing up the stairs to the Mezzanine

-”My Turn” was perfectly haunting

-Also Helene’s Scream also

-The transition into ‘Dust and Ashes’ was utterly perfect

-Dave Malloy singing ‘Dust and Ashes’ is now my personal Aesthetic

-Every note in ‘Sunday Morning’ was perfect

-”Everyone sees a man” was oddly funny

-Helene’s Entrance into charming was absolutely amazing

-Pierre’s face during charming was one of utter disappointment, and then one of slight admiration which I find absolutely adorable

-Amber Gray has probably one of the most beautiful voices I have ever heard and I am not okay that I am currently not listening to her singing at this moment

-At one point in the song Helene grabs the necklace that Andrey gives Natasha and replaces it with her own pearls which is really neat moment

-During ‘The Ball’ the actors are once again all over the theatre

-The costumes during the ball were absolutely gorgeous and I was left in awe by them

ACT 2

-Letters opened so perfectly

-During the number I was given a love letter by one of the chorus girls that was so sweet and made my day so much better

-If you are sitting at the bar in front of Pierre’s salon you will have the job of passing the letter from Anatole to Natasha, and if you are on the far left you will have to walk up onto the stage and hand the letter to Denee

-Anatole’s “just say yes, just say yes, just say yeeeeeees” was oddly funny

-’Natasha and Sonya’ was oddly intense and made you feel so bad for both of the women

-Once sonya walked to her spot a single light bulb descended on her and made the setting feel so much more intimate and seemingly ornate

-’Sonya Alone’ was so beautiful and made me honestly love the song

-’Preparations’ was such an amazing song that worked on so many levels

-Denee came over and handed us the legendary egg shakers for ‘Balaga’ and ‘The Abduction’ which was awesome

-If Egg shakers are made available know that the red shakers are rare and less common so be sure to grab a red one

-’Balaga’ is such an amazing number where the actors are all around the theatre, as does Balaga so you will still interact with him if you are up on the mezzanine

-Lucas’s “wooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” at the beginning of ‘The Abduction’ was truly perfect

-During the dance break there is a musical reprise to the ‘Prologue’ that fit into the song so perfectly

-Pierre’s solo in the song was amazing

-When Anatole stops everyone and they all sit down they all stopped for a solid minute

-Lucas decided to high five an audience member sitting near him making the moment so much better

-Marya’s “you will not enter my house scoundrel” was so utterly perfect and her vibrato on it was perfect

-During ‘In My House’ Marya had this very calm heir that was so much more intimidating than her just yelling at Natasha

-Watching Natasha block out Marya as she talked was probably the most heartbreaking moment in the entire show

-The way that Natasha curls into herself was such a poignant sight

-’A Call to Pierre’ was utterly perfect and it was so amazing to see the two original actors in their roles

-During ‘Find Anatole’ all of the actors hit their stride acting wise and seeing them up there in that song was the best moment in the whole show

-It was so interesting to see how Helene was actually a caring sister and that she genuinely was a good sister who loves her brother and wants the best for him

-In ‘Pierre and Anatole’ Pierre seemed so mad that it truly did seem like he was about to smash Anatole’s head in

-At “Amuse yourself with women like my wife, well then you’re within your right.” the whole theatre collectively gasped at the pure savageness of that line

-Pierre throwing the bag at Anatole was also super savage

-Denee’s scream was probably the scariest part of the whole show

-” Saint Peterbuuurg” was so perfect and lasted for about 20 seconds which I did not think was possible before, so good job Lucas Steele

-’Natasha Very Ill’ and ‘Pierre and Andrey’ were both great

-Helene, along with most of the cast was crying until the end

-During ‘Natasha and Pierre’ Natasha was given a wig that did not look very good but that is understandable since it was such a quick change

-The delivery of Pierre’s line during the song was utter perfection

-When She touched Pierre’s face I think the entire theatre had the wind knocked out of them

-One amazing thing that happened during the show was that there was one woman who right next to me in the stairwell that had one of the most beautiful voices I have ever heard

-At the moment that Pierre stepped onto the street the room suddenly became much cooler

-The vocals to the last song were just perfect

-During the song the lightbulbs hanging from the ceiling started slightly moving up and down fully making it look like a night sky against the darkness

-The Great Comet was absolutely beautiful

Overall this was probably the best theatre experience of my entire life, it was beautiful and amazing and every moment brought you away from the harsh realities of our world and filled the audience’s heads with the stories of love and loss. if you are in the city while this show is still open I highly suggest you see it. it was beautiful and transcendent 10/10 stars.

3

Okay, so someone linked this article to me tonight, and I’m just. So thoroughly disgusted currently. I don’t know who this guy is, the article says “Tituss” from  Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.

Here’s the thing. I keep peafowl. Have for years. At this point, I can read peacock body language better than I read most human body language. And that bird? That bird is very uncomfortable. The harness looks ill fitting, and you can see clearly in the first photo that he is ducking down to try to back out of the harness to escape. In the second photo you can see by the wide set of his legs, the bend of his ankles, and the slightly open wings that he is trying to lie down and is being held up by the harness (which, again, looks ill fitting and uncomfortable). In the third photo, he is again trying to lie down and is only marginally more successful (and still, to me, looks uncomfortable/unhappy by the way he is holding his legs and not actually lying down).

The other thing is that putting a peacock on a leash in a harness is incredibly dangerous and irresponsible. As someone who literally has a pet pea in the house who is probably the tamest pea out there, I can with 100% certainty tell you that I would never, ever put her into a harness or on a leash. I would never endanger her in that manner.

Because peafowl have incredibly powerful legs and wings, and thin, hollow bones. One good flush (the motion of jumping into the air to take flight) while trapped on a leash could result in bruising and even broken bones that would, if nothing else, cost thousands of dollars to repair, if they even can be (repairing bird bones is amazingly difficult and not generally very successful). Peafowl flush with enough power to break their own necks if they flush in an enclosed area- I should know, I lost a girl a few years ago to that very thing during a bad thunder storm, when she spooked right up into the ceiling of her coop.

As if that’s not enough, birds - wild birds, game fowl like peacocks - are 100% capable of stressing out so hard that they go into shock and die. They can literally get so upset it kills them, and being restrained (for example, being walked on a leash in a harness down a city street where there’s a lot of things that ping as DANGER to peafowl) is a definite stressor.

I don’t watch this show. I don’t know this person. I don’t have any more information than what I can very clearly see in these photos about what is going on, but it makes me ill to see. This man clearly has no repertoire with this bird- it wants out and away, and should NOT have been made to do this.

And I want to be clear- I am not against folks owning peafowl as pets. I’m against people putting peafowl through situations in which they are unhappy and uncomfortable.

This lady? This lady is doing it right- peacock perched on her arm, and the bird is clearly relaxed and comfortable riding around with her and sitting near her. I cannot tell if he’s wearing a harness (if he is, it fits well and comfortably and the line attaches under the bird’s breastbone instead of on their back) or if she has leg tethers (seems more likely) like a falconer. Either way, this is a safer, happier bird.

Captain’s Colours

ANON: “Can you write something about a human on a ship with aliens and they are all really confused by why she wears makeup/does things to alter her appearance? Or recommend one? Thanks”


Well, I tried my hand at writing a small story for this anon! I’m not quite sure of the quality, but I hope you like it! If you know of any stories involving aliens and makeup, please reblog this and link them!


There were only two human crewmembers of the Explorer, and both of them were women. The rest of the crew, save for Vi, had never met a human before applying to join the Captain on her maiden voyage to the furthest reaches of space (Or rather, that one really good restaurant a few planets over, as their first stop turned out to be). As such, human traditions were quite the mystery, and one many of the crew wished to unravel.

Captain Amelie, a tall, adventurous human with very little understanding of the phrase ‘patience’, was the resident curiosity, for lack of a better phrase. Rita, the resident engineer, was persistent in her day-to-day routine, down to the minute, and her appearance was just one of the things that could be relied on to stay the same every day. Captain Amelie, however, seemed one big, rainbow-coloured ball of spontaneity.

Keep reading

7

HEYYY…so here’s some stuff!

Those of you who’ve never seen my 2011 SVA thesis film “Balancing Act”, go check that out. Super-long-story-short, it’s my “magnum opus” IP that I really wanna do something with someday. Alternatively, it’s that “I made this in Elementary School and created a bunch of characters based on me and my friends and wanted to make my own animu idea that usually goes nowhere and has been in development for 20+ years while I work on other/newer/better ideas” IP. Y’know, one of those. You probably see ‘em on DeviantArt and Tumblr all the fucking time; hence why I don’t really post stuff about it online much these days. That said, posting this art here isn’t a confirmation that something’s happening with it. I’d just stocked up SO many doodles and sketches I felt like putting them out there eventually. Some of these date back as far as 2012 and this isn’t even half of them since I have plenty from various sketchbooks I’ve never scanned.

“What the fuck is this shit, Kirb!?” WELL KIDS, it’s the adventures of self-insert-I-wish-I-was-a-superhero-character and his friends as they go through their trials and tribulations of forming a makeshift superhero team and fight bad guys and learn valuable life lessons about being different, self-acceptance, dealing with deep personal issues and eating healthy or some bullshit. It’s gone through countless re-iterations as I’ve grown and learned and expanded my life views. I want it to be a story that’s really deeply impactful and meaningful, but it’s not something I’m ready to do yet. I need to get better at all aspects of film-making and storytelling. There’s a lot of basic things about “what am I saying?” regarding the story that haven’t been fully fleshed out. Might be years before I ever get to that point; or maybe I never will. Who knows. But once in a while, I’ll draw these four kids and experiment around with shit.

“Frost” (the skinny fuck who looks like ani-’me’) has various blue and white hoodies, is generally awkward (I made him way too “””cool””” in the thesis film; I was emulating Yusuke Urameshi’s sarcastic attitude) and a massive fuck-up (JUST LIKE ACTUAL-ME, HEYYY) and I’ve spent the last year on the story side of things researching a lot about various mental illnesses and how to apply them to him in ways that benefit his development as part of a team he fits into (or not).

“Ilaqua” was previously the character based on (and who looked like) Mike Luckas, that I decided…now I think well over 3 years ago, to change to a girl. I debated back and forth which character to switch (because I wanted two guys and two girls on the main cast) and thought about changing the Earth-elemental guy, but decided to gamble on tossing her in with the many, many Water-elemental girls. (a.k.a. I felt it was easier to differentiate Girl!Mike from the likes of Katara and Korra than seeing Girl!Nick get more-easily compared to Toph.) Mike helped me re-design her (which was also tricky to make sure she wasn’t too similar to Grace Liu’s Enna) and “Mikaela” has become one of my favorite characters to draw.

“Nico” (now re-named in tribute to TwistedGrimTV) is mostly the same. Honestly, getting a hat shape with him that I don’t despise has been my biggest difficulty with him. I also wanna try giving him way more exaggerated anatomy (something like Sajad Gharibi); a body he’d be picked on for having even though he’s not violent at all by nature (he’s actually meant to be more paranoiac and anxious), nor is he “the big dumb one”.

“Kathy” is also mostly the same, but there’s been some minor things I keep trying to fix with her design that I can’t quite get right. I wanted to go more gothic with her choice of fashion, which lent itself to her mysterious demeanor. My biggest aggravation is finding a hair-shape that isn’t a pain in my asshole. It’s evolved a lot from the Rumiko Takahashi-style cut, but I’m still not happy with any particular shape yet.

I also had some help from Mike Luckas and Xander Mobus on trying to design some practical, yet “we have no money or resources to get really efficient ones” superhero costumes. Most of their superhero nicknames (invented by Frost, which the new TMNT beat me to the punch on with Michelangelo’s nicknames for the bad guys, whoops.) are still WIP. Currently I like “Cardice” for Frost and “Landlord” for Mantel. Previously Ilaqua was “Firefighter” and Kathy was “Brightside” but those both may change; they might all change. Hell, ALL of this might change in 15-20-30 years from now if this ever gets made.

On that note, I GREATLY appreciate all the interest in it! I’ve had many folks from time to time ask if I ever plan on doing something more with this concept. It is my every intention to someday; in fact I THINK about it every day. Maybe I’ll do it as a movie, maybe it’ll still be a series like I originally thought, or maybe somehow it’ll be a game or something. Maybe it’ll be none of those things. Maybe it’ll be a hologram projected directly into your brain stem. Who the fuck knows. Here’s a bunch of drawings about it. Enjoy. Or not.

anonymous asked:

How would Enma, Xanxus and Byakuran react to someone trying to convince their pregant s.o to leave them becaue they won't make good fathers

COMPLETE

Enjoy~

// Admin Chrome

~

Enma:

Enma never thought that he would have the chance to have a family again. Hearing that you’re pregnant was one of the most joyful moments he had experienced in a long time. Of course, the world just really loves making Enma miserable.

“Look, I know you love him and everything, but I know for a fact that anyone who is the boss of a mafia family is not fit to be a father. No one.” Your sister furiously whispered to you as you bustled around the kitchen. You glared at her as you poured more tea into her cup.

“I think I can be the judge of that, not someone who does not even know Enma.” Your voice was calm, but Enma could tell that you were holding back your anger. Enma had come to greet your sister and you, but stopped before he entered the room, leaning on the doorway. His eyes followed you as you put back the teapot while rolling your eyes,

“Just…think about it. I know you have, right? I mean, someone who can kill so easily does not seem to be the type of person who could care for children.” Your sister pressed on, her voice quieter and gentler.

“I have never thought of that! Look, if you-” You finally had gotten to your limit, and was about to tell your sister off, but a cough interrupted you. Both your sister and you turned to see Enma’s dark gaze.

“I think that’s enough. I’m sure you should get home, it’s pretty late.” Enma’s voice was monotone, but you saw from the corner of your eye, a shiver from your sister. Your sister had only arrived an hour before, but the two of you knew not to argue.

Your sister got up to grab her purse, but before she got far past Enma, he grabbed her forearm, dragging her close to him. Enma leaned into the trembling girl.

“Ever speak ill of me towards my wife, and I’ll make sure she never sees you again.” The girl could barely stand after he was done, and once she was released, it took all her strength to bolt right out of the room.

“I hope you didn’t take any of that to heart.” Enma, now turned towards you, said. You walked over to him, and before he realized what you were doing, you leaned up and pecked him on the lips.

“Of course not. I just want you to know that I am confident you’ll be the best father ever, okay?”

Xanxus:

Xanxus knows that he is not the picture-perfect lover, and to be honest, probably won’t be the best father. However, he does try, in his own ways. He is always there when you aren’t feeling well, and he does keep in mind to keep his anger in check around you just so there is no stress. To others outside your relationship, it may seem like Xanxus is neglecting you and does not give any thought to your unborn child.

That does not mean that people can speak for you and try to make your own decisions about your relationship. Xanxus can hear your mother over the phone, and it says something if he’s in the room next to you and her shrill voice can still be heard.

Have you seen what he is like when he’s mad? He’ll probably kill the baby if he starts crying! I just think it’s in your best interest if you leave him…”

“Mother, you don’t understa-”

I understand enough to know that he’s not fit to be having children!

“I’m going to hang up on you if you keep insisting on trying to convince me to leave my husba-”

Oh, so you married the psycho!? Listen to me, h-”

The line went dead, and it really only took you a few moments to realize that Xanxus was right behind you. He grabbed the phone from your hand, and slammed it down onto the receiver, smashing it into little pieces.

Xanxus scowled down at the broken pieces.

“I don’t give two shits what your mother says, you will be having my child and you won’t be leaving me.” His scowl doesn’t leave his face, but his hand comes up to gently wipe away the tear that had fallen down your cheek.

Byakuran:

Byakuran was overjoyed at the news of child that you would be having with him. He couldn’t wait to meet the little one that the two of you created together. Byakuran never thought that he would have kids, and yet he could not see a furture without you or your future kids.

There was also the fact that now that you were pregnant, that meant that you could not run away anymore.

Byakuran left that little thought to himself, knowing that he shouldn’t be so possessive since he knew that you loved him unconditionally. It made him smile to himself when he saw you smiling down at your swollen tummy while telling it stories of the two of you.

It was as if it was the perfect fairy tale, but that was soon shattered when he walked right into an argument you were having with one of your friends that you insisted on staying in contact with (Byakuran was very picky on who you talked to and when, but he let this one slide because he knew that you were getting suspicious of his intent).

“-ou shouldn’t be with someone like him. He’s using you for the child!” Your friend exclaims, but you glare at him.

“I don’t think you should be speaking about anything in our relationship. I know Byakuran better than you, so I know for a fact he’s not using me.” Your friend rolls his eyes at your response.

“Why won’t you realize that Byrakuran is not cut out to be a father, or really your husband for that matter?!” The two of you haven’t noticed his presence yet, but Byakuran slowly walks towards the two of you.

“Hm~ What’s this? Someone yelling at my pregnant wife?” Byakuran pats your friend on the shoulder, shooting him a small smirk when he feels the man flinch at his touch. “Now why would you do such a thing?”

You can tell that Byakuran is furious, and you know for a fact that he heard the whole conversation. His dark tone and how tense his jaw is set gives away his masked anger.

Your friend just angirly shrugs off Byakuran’s hand, and scowls back at him in response, before turning his attention back to you.

“I’m not letting you waste yourself and your child around this creep, come on-” He goes for you arm, and before you can even blink, Byakuran already has your friend’s arm, twisting it till you can almost see the bone breaking slowly.

Once he lets go, your friend falls to the floor, the pain too much for him to handle.

“Come near us again, and I’ll kill you myself.”

Run! // Jung Hoseok

-

the prompt: can I have the ‘were best friends and I stole a dragon egg’ au with j-hope? Thanks if you do write it! based on this prompt: “you’ve been my best friend for years, and I can tell you anything, right? good, because I sort of stole a dragon egg.”

words: 1544

category: hogwarts!au + friendship scenario

author note: so i rlly wanted to start a hogwarts series based on namjoon’s sorting (since i disagreed with most of it and it’ll be a challenge) so i thought why not start with hobi? this request seemed to fit perfectly so i took it. also, this is a friendship scenario, not a relationship scenario. it’s my first time writing one but i liked how it turned out. hope you do too.

I’ll probably make a pt 2 eventually (there’s a reason I only made them fifth years) also loOk at the gif wow.

- destinee

Originally posted by bangtannoonas

Keep reading

yr fave is problematic

Up Front Disclaimer: I actually think the language of “privilege” is uniquely ill-suited to articulating cis women’s relationship to being CAFAB, and some day I’d love to sit down with cis women and try and articulate exactly how the particular differences between cis women’s and trans women’s experiences function and what that means for our ability to function as a coalitional political unit, but right now…

Where mainstream (and even mainstream “radical” or “woke”) feminism deigns to engage with the lives and experiences of trans women at all, they are so convinced that transmisogyny is the purview of TERFs or some comically-off-base-and-clearly-self-interested caricature of “White Feminism” (like yr radical queer!! space isn’t white as hell? come on) that nobody is looking at their own shit and asking if maybe yeah, they’ve been part of the problem.

Like white people who talk about hating other white people, this performative anger/disdain/rejection is a distancing strategy, a way of avoiding the reality of transmisogyny in their own spaces and communities by offloading that burden onto a safe (frequently entirely imaginary, in fact!) target.

True story: your Feminist Fave has probably participated in, or happily rubbed elbows with others who have participated in, transmisogyny to their own benefit. Your friends have almost certainly done so. The loose collective of Canon Good Feminists who aren’t overtly racist, etc. is rife with cis women more than happy to mock trans women and equivocate or just ignore it when called out. With entertainers it’s basically a sure deal (I think Kate McKinnon is cute, too, ya’ll! Doesn’t change that she’s been doing transmisogynist shit forever without a second thought!) but even your honest-to-god icons are guilty here, too: every riot grrl band who wouldn’t cancel their show at MichFest, every theorist who acts like “people with penises” is a coherent social class, every trans dude who thinks tr-nny is his word, too…

The fact that you, as a person at least somewhat invested in feminist spaces, people, and theory, don’t have to keep track of this shit, is cis privilege. But unlike the more insidious parts of cis privilege, the parts more deeply embedded in our dumpster fire of a society, this is actually something you can disown. You can educate yourself on what your feminist role models and icons have said about trans women–all it takes is googling “*name* transphobia* every once in a while. If shit has been said, it’s pretty likely that some trans woman out there has done the emotional and intellectual labor of writing a summary post on their bullshit. It’ll be good for your praxis too–I think I’m a pretty decent feminist and 80%-ish of my personal feminist canon is trans women theorists and activists, TBH.

But I don’t realistically expect most cis people (or men, for that matter) to do this work because frankly, trans women don’t have the social capital to make our withdrawing support a meaningful action–and beyond that, we are oppressed under misogyny and can’t afford to not challenge it, even if the people we’re working alongside are actively sabotaging us. Nonetheless, it is possible (and not even that hard, in my opinion, but I have pretty well-worn pathways in my brain for sorting people according how sketchy they are wrt transmisogyny so IDK) even if yall don’t do it.

If I’m being honest, I am low-key a trans lesbian separatist, and this is why. I don’t trust cis folk or men to have my back because they’ve seen fit to stick a knife in it one (or two or five or a hundred) too many times, only to have ostensible allies to trans women make excuses for them or look the other way or hand them another fucking knife.

The question here cannot be "is my community and my feminism transmisogynist?” because I assure you, they are, and those questions are literally the least you can do. We need you to start asking “how are my community and my feminism transmisogynist, and what can I do about that?”. If you don’t, then no matter how well-intentioned you are, we’re gonna keep spinning our wheels, stuck in the same ditch we’ve been in for the last 70 years. Trans women are gonna keep dying, and nobody’s gonna do anything about it except other trans women, who are also being killed by the cisheteropatriarchal medical-/prison-industrial-complex that was, in a real sense, designed to do just that.

Again, not all of you will follow through here. This won’t be the first or last time I’m disappointed by folks who aren’t trans women. But I hope I’ve given you something to think about, that even if you still fuck up sometimes–which we all do–you’ve course-corrected at least a little. Trans women’s lives depend on it.

Written in reference to this tweet thread from Raquel Willis.

kascreations  asked:

Here's a feels-inducing one for you! Sidon's reaction to finding out his s/o has caught an illness with a high death rate! :D

(I hope this one is feelsy enough to your liking my dear friend, I look forward to doing your next one~ Also I’m visiting relatives for a while so although I am on summer break they’ll probably be keeping me busy, I’ll try my best to submit as often as I can! Enjoy!~)

Can’t Let You Go

Word Count: 1847
Warnings: Angst, fatal illness, illness symptoms, vomit mention, blood




It was a very difficult feat reducing the optimizing and headstrong Prince of the Zora to tears but when he saw you laid in bed looking as if one gust of wind could whisk you away, the tears flew so freely that one would think that he had been crying every second of his life. Only those closest to him knew that this was not the case. It was only moments like this that could make Sidon feel this way; make him feel like his entire world was crashing down on him.

Sidon had known that you were sick for a while now but it had only been a gentle cough and light fever, nothing serious. You had never whined or complained. Every time he offered to excuse himself from his work to say by you, you always told him that you didn’t want to keep the Prince from his Kingdom. You said it would pass in a few days. You said you’d be fine.

Now here you were, two weeks later, restricted almost completely to your bed, and barely able to keep your eyes open.

After the first week, Sidon couldn’t help but worry even though you insisted you were okay, he was certain that you were getting worse. The maids and healers that cared for you while he was caught up with meetings and paperwork would inform him of your condition. Telling him that your coughs were quickly becoming more aggressive, your fever remained ever present, your movements were slower and sluggish, and you could hardly eat the food brought to you and even when you did it was never for long.

It seemed like your entire day was comprised of laying in bed because your body was too weak to carry you anywhere else, trying to sleep, coughing, trying to eat meals, or puking into a basin. You were miserable even though you tried to hide it.

He couldn’t take it anymore.

So, at the advisement of the healers, he sent a letter to a Hylian doctor requesting their services. It did not take long for the doctor to arrive in the Kingdom after hearing about your symptoms and once he performed a careful examination he was able to give a full diagnosis. It was not a good one.

You had caught a virus common to Hylians during this time of year and, at first, Sidon felt relieved thinking that surely this meant a cure had been developed. His heart dropped when the doctor informed him that there was no cure and, to rub salt in his fresh wound, most of those who caught this nasty disease did not make it.

Sidon, shortly after learning this devastating news, put everything else aside so that he could ten to your needs much to your meek protest. He couldn’t bear to be away from you and nobody could blame him. The Zora remained firmly planted at your side, hardly sleeping or eating anything as he watched over you. He couldn’t look away from your pale face for even a moment; he was afraid that if he did that would be the last moment he saw you alive.

It only took one moment for the cruel hands of fate to steal all that was precious to im in life. They had stolen his mother. They had stolen Mipha. They could steal you too.

Over his dead body.

During the daytime, things were manageable. The maids brought in the meals and medicine prescribed by the doctor to help with your symptoms. It was difficult for you to enjoy even the simplest dishes prepared by the kitchen but Sidon always tried to get you to eat something, even if it was just a nibble. It took some negotiating to get you to take the medicine, however, because according to you it tasted like Bokoblin crap.

Regardless, in the end, it didn’t matter because barely an hour late later it was usually coming right back up with Sidon apologizing profusely for making you eat and you always apologized for subjecting him to this nastiness.

Aside from that, everything ran relatively smoothly with you spending most of your time trying to rest while occasionally asking him for water or a story to fill up the silence in the room. Sidon had no problem doing any of these for you; he would gladly do anything that made this whole ordeal easier for you.

At night, it was a completely different story.

At night, things became unbearable.

Your illness seemed to take sick pleasure in terrorizing you at night because every one of your symptoms became excruciating and Sidon could only watch and try to do all he could to ease our suffering.

The fever spiked and while the heat burning around your head caused you to break out in a terrible sweat, the rest of your body remained freezing cold to the Zora Prince’s touch and shivered like a leaf in a raging storm. Sidon watched as your chest shook violently from the coughing fits that progressed into hacking that then progressed into the spilling of the contents of your stomach; even when there was absolutely nothing inside of your poor stomach to spill your body showed you no mercy. You would convulse and quiver over the basin dry heaving so violently and would not stop until you were reduced to an empty husk of a person sprawled out on the bed.

It was horrifying for Sidon to watch, though he knew it was ten times worse to experience it.

Tonight, was no exception. In fact, it was the definition of torture.

Your body was being particularly ruthless and once again Sidon was practically powerless to do anything about it. His love, his sweet treasure, his everything was coughing so violently he feared they would cough up their lungs and all he could do was hold their hand and offer to get them some water even though you both knew that would not help. Still he had to do something, anything to help you. Without saying a word, your body suddenly jolted up and Sidon released his careful hold on your hand to look up at you immediately concerned by your abrupt action.

Sidon’s eyes scanned your form noticing how your body convulsed aggressively in response to the terrible fit you were currently enduring. Then just as abruptly as you stood up you stopped and then fell silent and he could see your body still shaking.

Quickly he moved to adjust his chair so that he could look at your face saying, “My love, are you alri-!” His golden eyes dilated in horror seeing the trail of crimson running down your chin and pooling into your quivering hand. His heart shattered to see that you were crying, soft sobs replacing the horrible hacking and making you look even more weak and fragile than before. You were attempting to try and catch all the blood in your hand as if ashamed and terrified by what just happened.

Sidon stood up so quickly that he knocked his chair back and it fell to the ground with such a loud clatter that he was certain he had woken the entire palace but he didn’t care. He raced to retrieve a towel and then bring it back to you carefully wiping the blood from your hand and then pressing the cloth to your mouth as you sobbed. “I-It hurts…” Your voice comes out hoarse from coughing and muffled by the cloth and Sidon can feel himself start to cry along with you.

“I know, I’m sorry,” His voice breaks and he almost can’t stand looking at you reduced to such a poor state. The tears pooling in his eyes blur his vision and his hand shakes slightly as he wipes at the corners of your mouth trying to hold himself together and put on a brave face for you. He must stay strong for you. He must stay strong. He must…

Gently laying you back down on the bed, Sidon just watches kneeling beside the bed not even bothering to recollect his chair as he lets the towel drop to the floor. “It hurts so much… I-I just want it to stop… I’m so tired…” You hiccup in between your gut-wrenching sobs your fists clinging so tightly to the bedsheets that Sidon can see your knuckles turn white. “S-Sidon make it stop…”

You’re begging for help; begging for Sidon’s help and it is only a reminder that he is completely powerless.

He wished with every bone in his body that the sickness ravaging your body was a monster, something that he could see and properly fight off to protect you. Something that he could kill so that you would be free from this agony. Unfortunately, that was only wishful thinking. Unfortunately, he couldn’t do anything but sit and watch as you withered away in front of him.

Sidon carefully climbed into the bed wrapping you up in the blankets and bedsheets like you are a young infant before laying you on his chest holding you close to him. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” He whispered over and over again letting you cry out all of that pain he knows that you’ve been trying to hold in for his sake while he tries his best to console you. This is the least he can do for you.

If this dastardly disease did manage to succeed in its horrid plan he wanted you to be at peace; he knew it was horrible to even admit that you could leave him but he could not ignore the fact that was entirely too real possibility. Any moment your tired body could potentially give out and you could breathe your last and he wouldn’t be able to stop it. All he could do now was comfort you, keep you happy, keep hoping that you would get through this together.

He would stay with you no matter what.

No matter what.

When the sun rose the next morning, the maids brought in the food as usual giving the Prince time to wake you and then detangle himself from your body so he could go back to his place at your side. He watched overjoyed as you ate a third of the meal – it took a while, and you refused to touch anything until he promised to eat something too – but you managed to get food in your system. You even took the medicine with no complaints and Sidon could not have felt more relieved when an hour later you didn’t need to turn to the basin so your body could reject it.

Watching you take what he could only assume to be the best nap you had taken in two weeks, Sidon finally let his worries wash away and he rest his head on the edge of the bed placing his hand over yours admiring your sleeping face. The answer to his prayers was finally laid out to him so he did not need to worry anymore.

He could see it written on your face flushed with the faint hue of your color returning to your face as you slept so peacefully. He could feel it in his heart, mind, body, and soul. He could hear it in the room as if Hylia herself was standing there clearing all of the misery that had been hanging over the two of you.

Things were going to be okay.

haim ‘something to tell you’

want you back  - this song is a passion of mine, i literally just can’t get enough. the power of danielle’s voice backed by her sisters strikes a chord in me. and I am in such awe at their musical ability, the way they can create great, classic songs ahead of their time. they create such authenticity rarely seen nowadays. plus, alana’s part is probably the most fun to sing and dance to in the car. (the music video is everything btw, at least half of its views are mine).

nothings wrong - this one sounds a lot more country, danielle reminds me of shania twain a lot so it fits. okay but holy FUCK this is a slow banger. the cut into the bridge makes me feel like im in interstellar. for some reason the whole song feels like a space themed movie to me, i love space. 

little of your love - i watch interviews where haim always say they want their songs to sound like the beginning of jurassic park, and although ive never truly seen that movie past like the age of 5, this one sounds like it. I love the part of the song where all that you can hear is a twangy guitar and danielle. also, when she shouts ‘ha!’ towards the end !!! I have such a straight crush on all three of the haim sisters but Danielle especially. where has this gone. 

ready for you - this one is so weird, it doesn’t even sound like danielle? is it not? anyways haim has a way of making me feel something. whenever I listen to them I feel like I have the same connection as lorde does to her own music, as she shows through her dancing. i am lorde dancing. there’s is such a weird group of people vocoded talking in your ear at one point in the song and it caught me so off guard but i kinda love it? and the song gets even better after that. 

something to tell you - this song belongs in anthony quintal’s ‘scream to the music bruh’ playlist, ive never actually listened to that playlist but i would put this song on it. CAUSE I GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU. oohhhh fuck y’all, 3:03 is all i gotta say.

you never knew - a 70s summer love song, the twilight zone, the jetsons. a good song to lay in the sun with. 

kept me crying -  with the amount of effects on this song, you would think it would be distracting, all over the place, a mess. but i think its like ‘my song 5′ in that all the sounds work together to create something beautiful, which could be said about a lot of haim songs. woo, this guitar solo, i could bust!

found it in silence - this song goes from 90s broken computer noise (?) to ‘making my way downtown’ in the span of a few seconds. but I like the epic-ness, giving me lord of the rings realness. i wonder if their intention was to pair the meaning and title with this big, heavy production. there’s even a star-wars-light-saber-esque noise, how are these girls SO on brand with this space shit?

walking away - this song is so pink, so vulnerable, so britney without the rasp, mariah without the diva. not gonna lie i signed up for big brother live feeds during this song, but thats no reflection of how i feel about it, good song. 

right now - i live for the huge guitar part and the drums on the live version, which I can only hope they do at the denver show, oh the things i would do to see that live. 

night so long - haim are the queens of guitar effects. i just read the title of an article that said this album gives hope that rock has a future, and i love that, i love the idea of these three absolutely authentic, smart, funny, talented, sexy women being the forefront of some musical moment in history. this last song is slower, but i think it fits, its a peaceful ending.




i just want to say thank you, haim, your music is so fucking incredible and meaningful, ive said this a million times, but authentic. you’re talent is so impressive that i can only admire. haim has been an inspiration for me playing guitar, but also i get sad that ill never be as good as them. im all over the place but this record will stand alongside melodrama as a symbol of me as a person right now. this music could speak a thousand words for me. after all, i am a cancer and need an emotional outlet, and i guess music is it.

favorites: want you back, nothings wrong, kept me crying (i would list more but id pick all of them)

least favorites: none

Personal Statement Time

Good Morning All,

I thought I would do a quick write up on personal statements since this is the time of year to start really working on/finishing yours… That and I can’t get to the gym because Safelite is replacing my windshield (damn you tractor trailers). 

What goes in a personal statement?

Yes, this should be a pretty silly question for those of you applying this year, but for those of you who are still very early on in the process, the personal statement is an essay about yourself and why you want to go into medicine. There are hundreds of other careers out there, many of which are far less stressful and generate far more income, so you had better come up with a good reason why you would like to become a doctor. 

What if I can’t really put my finger on it? What if I just know I want to help people?

Well, I wish I could say thats fine… but its not. When I started the process, I knew I wanted to be a doctor, but I couldn’t quite say why. Truth was, I had a lot of experiences contributing to my decision, and without ever really sitting down to think about it, none jumped out at me. In reality 99.9 percent of human beings want to help other people. Its why you hear your friends in their late 20’s who are not in medicine saying things like “I just really want to find a job where I can make a difference”. People naturally feel good when they make someone else feel good and as a result, you can’t exactly write a personal statement about your general feelings. The question that got my mind thinking was this “If you want to help people, why don’t you be a ____? insert "cop” “firemen” “guidance counselor” etc. 

So what do I write about?

Unfortunately, I can’t answer that for you. What I can offer, are some suggestions of where I looked to find the answer. The first being personal health issues. This is a great reason to be interested in medicine. If you have been unfortunate enough to have a recurring or serious health issue, and were inspired by the amazing nurses and doctors you worked with, then talk about it. If that doesn’t quite fit your bill, the next place I would look is shadowing. Pay attention here, if you think about your shadowing and can’t come up with at least one influential experience, you probably need to do more shadowing before further considering medical school. Remember that the admission committees want to make sure your really really certain that medicine is the life for you. That means shadowing a lot to see what it’s like first hand. This category will apply to many of you looking to write your statements(its ultimately what I used). Remember to keep reading though because if you just write about shadowing, I promise you will not get in. Lastly, there is caring for a family member. I urge you to use caution on this one. I am passing no judgement on this but it would seem that everyone has had an ill grandmother or grandfather that they assisted, and I get the vibe that the ADCOM’s get lots of statements about this. Thats NOT to say that if this is really why you want to be a doctor, you shouldn’t write it, I’m just merely warning you that it had better be pretty damn convincing with the popularity of that topic. OHHH, the real last I suppose would be writing about an underserved medical experience. If you are lucky enough to have a meaningful one of these… god bless you. I still don’t fully understand the absurd overemphasis on underserved medicine, but it appears to be the golden ticket. Excuse my bitterness on the topic but it is beyond frustrating to live in an area that has few if any underserved populations, acquire numerous great healthcare experiences that are in “well served” populations, and then be penalized on your applications for not having “meaningful underserved experience”. If this was made quite clear to me as a freshman that I needed to seek out underserved opportunities, and that all of my “well served” experiences would be cast aside, I wouldn’t be complaining, but anyway… I digress.

So I have an idea of my topic now, what do I need to put in this statement?

Your personal statement should be exciting but not corny, and above all, honest. This is your chance to show the ADCOM that you can capture their attention by being unique and genuine. Include info about your discovery of medicine and your interests, then incorporate your topic from above. It should ideally flow chronologically while being clear and concise. Generally, you want to shoot for a page or two, but NO MORE than two (single spaced, word count is on AAMC’s site). Remember, these committees read thousands of these, so yours should be memorable, but most of all, it should be you. Yes, what I’m saying write this yourself. Under no circumstances should you be considering hiring someone to write your essay. Proofreading and editing, yes, thats a great thing to have someone else do, but writing, absolutely not. 

What did I personally write about?

While I would love to post my personal statement for you all to read, it would put too much of a connection between me and this blog. That and I’m not sure the legality of doing so, and then having someone inevitably steal it and use it (none of you…but googlers). So I will have to describe what I did: I started with the portrayal of myself, the attending, and the patients family standing in a room, all of us surrounding a horribly ill neonate. I conveyed my desire to be there for not only the patient, but also the family. This was essentially my hook into medicine as the attending “gave me this patient” to research and present on all week. It was the first time anyone had allowed me to “participate” in healthcare and I loved it. 

Next I jumped back a bit and explained my curiosity for medicine from a young age, and my abnormally early start into pre-hospital medicine at just 16 years old, followed by my quick progression into an EMT. 

I then jumped back to the neonate and further illustrated my experience helping to care for him and describing all that I had learned in the week, but clinically, but also socially. I learned that I had the ability to connect with people in their time of need and I really enjoyed speaking with the family, despite the difficult nature of many conversations. Most of all, I knew I wanted to be there” for the many other sick patients and scared families in the future. 

A simple statement, yes! But did it get the job done, absolutely! These statements aren’t about coming up with the most elaborate, memorable, perfect essay the ADCOM has ever read, but more about making you a human being rather than a small stack of papers on their desk. There is a lyric that I really like, and I think it applies a lot to personal statements in its own way “Cuts on paper hearts can be awful deep”. What I mean is, if you can tug at a string of the ADCOM’s heart and make them believe in you and your desires, then you have succeeded. 

But wait ?!?!

You didn’t include the topic I wanted to write about, or the story I’m using, or the experience I value most etc… Sorry I just had to add this to help address some of the inevitable questions I will receive. Anyway, your right, I have by no means addressed EVERYTHING about writing a personal statement, but what I do feel comfortable saying is that I have covered the general basis of the statement and what should be in it, and what some safe topics are to write about. If you have further questions, or more personal questions, as always, I will be glad to answer them, just shoot me a question on here. Other than that, remember, you want this and its one of your life goals… a silly little essay surly won’t stand in your way :)

Until next time,

-thepre-medlife

some Winn Schott Jr. meta

I found a continuity error in Supergirl (surprise, surprise) that I’m basically just going to fit into some headcanon so it doesn’t bother me anymore. This post also features other Winn!Content with a heavy dash of Meta and Trauma, so be warned:

Okay, so. In the episode “Childish Things”, in Winn’s first confrontation with his father, he says “I watched my dad get dragged off to prison when I was eleven for murder. <<<pay close attention to the wording of that, as we’re going to revisit it twice.

Howeverrrrr, in the s2 episode “City of Lost Children” he says, in typical Winn fashion, “if somebody had given me action figures when they interrogated me about my dad, when I was ten? I would have sung like a canary.” Ten, folks, not eleven.

Now.

Is this merely a continuity error?

Well, it’s highly probable. I’ll save my rant against CW/DC writing for the sake of this post, but let’s just leave it at the fact that continuity errors in even the fairly important (and simple) details are definitely not out of the question.

It could also be, in the Supergirlverse, that the events leading up to Winslow Sr.’s incarceration did not occur in as timely a manner as we immediately assume. We’re quite accustomed to dramas showing us crimes being committed and the perpetrator getting arrested, convicted, and sentenced in the span of 40 minutes. But that’s not how it often works irl, and not the way it necessarily has to go in fiction.

Consider the Toyman. He’s a clever guy, and obviously he was smart enough to spend time planning the attack on his boss, even if it was still ill-conceived and ultimately did not work. But if he played his cards right, it’s entirely possible that the investigating law enforcement did not have enough evidence to convict him right away. Because yeah, the angry employee who got slighted is the first person the feds would seek to convict, but that doesn’t mean they had evidence to do so.

On the surface level this would in the least explain the age difference: a young Winn may very well have been interrogated by police when he was 10 and his father was not ultimately arrested until up to a year later when he was 11.

Now, if this is true, what it means potentially for the character is that there was a period of 1 month to 12 months where an angry and unhinged father who has crossed the line and snapped and actually killed a minimum of 6 people (during that first supervillainy event, although a 7th is later confirmed by Agent Chase and I’m gonna talk about that too), is still living at home, with his wife and kid.  Hence the Schott family having to live through that legal and emotional nightmare on top of the crime itself and no wonder his mom just took off.

The idea that Mr. Schott’s arrest and conviction was not immediate would also help explain the fact that the cops had to interrogate a 10 year-old-boy:

Winn doesn’t say "question” or anything that implies this was a chill “we’re here to protect you from your dad and we just need to hear it from you so we’ve crossed all our T’s” kind of conversation. He uses the word “interrogated” very deliberately, and in fact makes this reference to his childhood during a time when his coworkers are being pretty (albeit mostly unintentionally) cold in questioning a young boy, stating as a kid he might have been more inclined to be cooperative if someone had just been kind to him.

On the OTHER hand, it is slightly possible that Winn Schott is like most of us and doesn’t remember childhood events all that well when it comes to the passage of time. (I had years growing up I wasn’t even sure exactly how old I was until I counted but I’m a nincompoop so) However, being as old as he was and the events being as big and traumatic and memorable as they were, this is doubtful.

Okay, now ONE MORE THING:

Going back to that first line (”I watched my dad get dragged off to prison”), because I only realized this when I went back to the episode to check and see if I was right about the inconsistency-

During the raid at the docks, Agent Chase tells Kara they’re not taking any chances (which they’re actually taking like a lot of chances with this terrible plan of action they have, like, wow, they are the worst agents ever, somebody fire them). Why is she so uptight about all this? Because Winslow Sr. “killed an agent the last time we apprehended him.”

Go back and read the lines again.

Read them.

Winn was there.

Winn was heckin there when his heckin dad was hecking getting arrested and being dragged off to prison immediately following an event in which he heck hecking killed an agent, if not literally in front of, in the very near vicinity of, his small son. (!!!)

I am. very calm. writing this now. I was not. calm at all. when I first realized it earlier.

Someone

Protect

This

Smol

Bean

Don’t you talk to me about any of the other characters’ traumas or excuse their behavior because of their childhood or family history - ever again. Appreciate Winn Schott Jr. folks. The purest sunshine child, who constantly overcomes so much, always forgives, automatically seeks the good of others first, is seldom thanked and always called upon to show up, and has so much empathy and caring he’s about as opposite from his dad as he can be. He deserves nothing but to be valued, cared for, and loved.

amaziingdil  asked:

I'd love to hear your mental health headcanons!! Esp about saeran and Saeyoung. I feel like most people forget about Saeyoung bc saeran is arguably worse off but that boy isnt neurotypical in the slightest

Hello I’m back and the reason I’m doing this one first is because mental health sucks am I right okay moving on

Zen:

  • I’ve seen a lot of people suggest NPD but I personally disagree?
  • I don’t think Zen actually believes a damn word he says about how great he is, on any level. It’s 100% fake it til you make it. 
  • Only he figures he’ll never make it so I guess he’ll just fake it forever hahaha
  • And Zen shows literally zero trace of some of the other NPD criteria, like illusions of grandeur and increased self-importance, a sense of entitlement or exploitative behaviours.
  • So, not NPD. And while he has at least a depressive episode in his route, I don’t think I’d diagnose him with Major Depression either. 
  • He obviously has his own issues that he struggles with, but I don’t think any of them are diagnosable. 
  • Although I did see someone (you can read the post HERE) say he could have Body Dismorphic Disorder, and I really liked their reasoning, but I’d never heard of that before so I can’t speak much on it. 

Yoosung:

  • Yoosung has been diagnosed with both depression and anxiety
  • The RFA all practically forced him to see someone after Rika’s death. That’s when he was diagnosed and prescribed SSRIs. The medication helped a lot, and he’s doing a lot better now that he’s on them and has a therapist
  • I also headcanon that he has Borderline Personality Disorder.
  • I’m not just biased I swear
  • At first I thought I was but I’ve seen other people say this so it’s become official Mystic Drabbles Headcanon
  • I also headcanon that Yoosung feels kind of guilty about that one. Because like… his life is fine? Especially when he looks at people like Saeyoung, who have gone through so much worse. He feels like he doesn’t have the right to be as “messed up” as he is?
  • He’s wrong, of course, on so many levels, obviously. But he can’t help how he feels.

Jaehee:

  • Is stress a mental disorder because she definitely has that
  • She might have some traits of OCPD? I am not at all an authority in that, but she is a strict rule follower, likes things to be clean and in order, and would rather sacrifice sleep and meals to get her work done than leave something unfinished or do any less than her best, or let anyone else do it for her. She likes things being perfectly on schedule, and perfectly clean (especially when it comes to a certain cat’s messy white fur). And despite being miserable, she’s reluctant to try to change anything.
  • But like Zen, while she does have her issues, I don’t know if I’d label any of them mental illnesses, as her above traits don’t really interfere with her day to day life severely and she manages to sort out some of her major issues with slight encouragement.

Jumin:

  • I headcanon him as autistic because I am a sheep
  • I don’t know very much about autism though, so I don’t trust my abilities to write him as such, or even elaborate very much, without being inaccurate or offending someone.
  • But it’s clear he has issues with interacting with and understanding others, but it’s not because he’s uncaring or cruel. He truly seems like he just… doesn’t understand sometimes. But he is willing to listen when people try to explain.
  • He’s trying, and he’s clearly learned to function despite his hardships.
  • My tol awkward son, I’m proud of him

Seven:

  • Hahahahaha nothing about this boy is neurotypical
  • I mentioned before that he has at the very least Borderline traits, maybe not the whole disorder
  • And definitely PTSD. For obvious reasons.
  • I also recently changed my headcanon for him from depression to bipolar (probably type 2? I’m not sure.) Because honestly it fits him so well? He goes from laughing and joking and building a thousand robots while hacking into like NASA or something for the lolz because he can’t slow down enough to focus on one thing…
  • To talking about how he’s useless and nobody and shouldn’t even exist, and feeling so down he can’t get anything done.
  • He’s another one who’s done fairly decently at learning to function around his issues. 
  • (I headcanon this is partially because he’s done a fair amount of research on them. He likes learning, and he understands the importance of mental health care. He just doesn’t always feel like he deserves it.)
  • Or, at the very least, survive through them.
  • I’m proud of him too.

V:

  • He has many issues. Feeling responsible for everyone and everything, his low self-esteem, believing he deserves to suffer…
  • But while none of these are mentally healthy, I think they stem more from him being a victim of abuse than a mental illness.
  • Aside from, of course, the PTSD that stemmed from said abuse. This is obvious from the withdrawing from his friends, being increasingly self-destructive, and his obvious constant stress.

Saeran:

  • Saeran is another very Not Neurotypical one. 
  • I already discussed him having BPD.
  • And it’s obvious he has PTSD.
  • I forget if I mentioned anxiety? But that too. 
  • I feel like he’d also have social anxiety and/or AvPD? In his case, the fear of social interaction comes off as anger when he’s distressed.
  • And in the Ending picture on the couch, he seems very closed off and withdrawn from the group. 
  • We don’t have a lot of canon instances of Saeran interacting with anyone besides Saeyoung, but I feel that he would be very not okay with the risk of rejection or criticism. He would push people away so they wouldn’t get a chance to hate him. 
  • And how could he not fear disapproval when you consider what that’s looked like his whole life? Disapproval=abuse. Being anything less than perfect=abuse/brainwashing. And he most definitely wouldn’t describe himself as perfect.

Vanderwood:

  • I feel like they would almost be mildly obsessive compulsive traits but not exactly either OCD or OCPD?
  • It’s like
  • Their life was orchestrated to cause OCPD but somehow they managed to be… not?
  • But they still have some obsessive compulsive quirks, I guess you could say? 
  • Like… if one thing is off in a room it doesn’t just bug them, they literally have to fix it. Maybe not immediately, but they can’t just… leave it. They know that even if they leave the room it’ll bother them for the rest of the day.
  • (They may or may not have had to stop in the middle of a firefight to straighten a painting once. They did.)
  • It’s different if a whole room is a mess. They still want to clean it, but it’s weirdly less… urgent? They would definitely feel better if they could. They would feel even better if they could scrub down everything completely.
  • (You may have noticed that they wear gloves? Yeah they may or may not be somewhat of a germaphobe. They are. 
  • Funny enough though, their cleaning habits are not really related to this. They can deal with the germaphobia much better than they can deal with the messiness.)
  • (More on that another day~)
  • They’re also a bit of a perfectionist, although they’ve learned that not everything can be perfect and can usually deal with that.
  • They also wouldn’t delegate their work to anyone else but that’s more… avoidant and distancing independence than anything OCPD-like. 
  • (It’s also kind of low self esteem. Who would help someone like them?)
  • They also have the “unstable sense of identity” thing that I can only ever find information on in a BPD sense, but they don’t have that either. 
  • So. Yeah.
  • Personally I think I’d label them PDNOS (Personality Disorder Not Otherwise Specified)
When You’re Sick (Wonho, Minhyuk, Hyungwon)

Originally posted by lostinmonstax

Wonho - “Yeah, don’t worry about me.” You patted Wonho’s arm, reassuring him with a grin. The two of you had been walking down the snowy streets of Hongdae, window shopping the newly brought Christmas goods and outfits for the season. Wonho offered to give you his gloves which you politely declined. He shouldn’t have to know that you caught a small cold. You were trying to hide your coughs when the cars were noisily driving by, added on by the conversations of Korean people passing by. He looked over at you, questioning your condition but knew he would lose the fight if he continue to push with it. “Those trees are so pretty. I love the lights that…” You felt the world disappear into darkness as you felt your body fall to the ground. However, you didn’t feel the freezing, bitter, and frosty street beneath you. It was if a delicate cushion was what you fell on. At that point, your mind wandered into nothing as you forgot what happened. Meanwhile, Wonho caught your body in time, secretly thanking himself for working out in order to hold you in his built arms. He searched around, looking for the most efficient route home as he scooped up your body, where his arms were underneath your shoulders and legs. Within a short amount of time, Wonho took a subway and a short journey to his apartment. He set you down on his bed, remembering to tuck you into the blankets and applying a cold washcloth onto your forehead. “Why didn’t they tell me they were sick… Aish, always making me do favors.” He shook his head and continue to change out the cloth along with warming your hands that should have been encased in his gloves. “You should wake up now, Jagi…” Hoseok whispered into your ear. With enough effort, you pulled out of your unconscious state and looked around. “Am I home?” You touched the cloth and turned your head to Wonho, who sat next to the bed with an “are-you-serious” face. “Well, at least you can’t get out of bed for a while. Hi, I’m Wonho. Your nurse for the time being.” He chuckled and kissed your temple before taking your hand in his.

Originally posted by with-ikonics

Minhyuk - “Does it seem like I care, Jagi? You stay there and I’ll be on my way. Apparently, our date is at your house.” Minhyuk won this argument. You pushed the “end call” button before setting it on your nightstand, sighing that he was coming while you were in this state. You sat in bed, shivering underneath the cozy blankets with a kitten plushie he had given you for comfort. Its scent contained Minhyuk’s, strong but welcome. Just like his personality. “Jagi? Are you okay?” He tapped on the door before entering your room with a backpack he always carried around. “I’m okay.” You replied, coughing into your arm before leaning against the wall, closing your eyes. “I’m sorry that you’re sick, but at least I can spend more time with you. Although you’re ill, it doesn’t mean I can’t take care of you, so I brought some things that might help you take your mind of it.” Minhyuk smiled and patted your head before kissing your temple. Digging around his backpack, he brought out medicine, his laptop, earphones, and bath salts for when you want to relax in the hot water. “I won’t join if you don’t want me to,” Minhyuk joked as he shook the container. Crystallized salts that had a lavender color peaked your interest, but made you feel lazy to get out of bed. “I guess you’ll have to carry me there if I want to be clean, but yeah, no need to join me.” “If that is what you want.” The boy nodded and lifted the covers for him to fit onto your bed. It wasn’t exactly big per se, but it was enough to cuddle and sleep together. “Here, you can relax by listening to music and I’ll get some games ready for us to play. Soon, I’ll run down to the convenience store and buy some ice cream. We can play games with that, too. Sounds good?” You nodded as he gave you the earphones and kissed your cheek. “You’re so adorable when you’re sick. I’ll go crazy.” He clutched his heart and made a pained expression, which you laughed at. It felt lovely to hug him and feel better when you were sick. If only this could be forever…

Originally posted by monxbebe

Hyungwon - “I’m going to visit them today. Monbebes, are you expecting it too? Do you feel my heart racing? I know. I probably shouldn’t be dramatic but it’s fun! Anyway, let’s go into their room…” Hyungwon spoke to the camera, looking away to find you on the couch with tissues stuck up your nose, a computer on your lap, and a washcloth on your head. “Darn, I was going to do that, too. Oh well. Say hi to Monbebes, Jagi.” He turned the camera to you which you felt you looked disgusting, but instead greeted them in a drained voice, unmotivated to lift an arm. “Do you see who I have to live with?” Hyungwon whispered into the camera before– “Hey.” You retorted. “I happen to be sick and I thought you were bringing me some ddeokbokki.” He watched you complain, pouting while he filmed your reactions. Hyungwon laughed and covered his mouth as he turned the camera back to his face, walking over to sit beside you. “Don’t worry, I have it right here.” “What?! Yay!” You clapped your hand and set the laptop on the table, grabbing the bag. But before you could, he pulled it away while you swiped at the air. “Kiss first.” “You’re going to get sick, Hyungwon-ah.” “Kiss. First.” He tilted his head down and peered at you. Kissing his cheek, Hyungwon granted you the plastic bag filled with savory treats. He set the camera on the table, later clapping his hands saying, “This looks good! I’m getting hungry just watching you eat, so I will eat now.” He smiled and dug into the ddeokbokki, relishing the sweet and spicy taste of the rice cakes. The phone rang in the distance, the two of you looking over to the source. “Sorry, Monbebes, Jagi will go get it. Jagi?” He nudged your arm which you responded with the same action. “What are you talking about? You’re healthy and can go get it yourself.” “Who is the one that always buys you food? You get it, Jagi. Love you.” You sighed and he watched you get up, grinning in content as you answered it.


Admin Mochi

Cancer / Thelma & Louise update:

(Everyone’s calling it cancer now - i.e. the endocrinologists and neurosurgeons and stuff, so I am too). (Also I’m cutting and pasting from my Facebook update because I’m  too tired to rewrite for Tumblr, apologies!) .

Yesterday I saw the neurosurgeon, and things went about as well as I expected them to go. It wasn’t a total worst case scenario, which is if they couldn’t do surgery at all, so that’s something.

But everything else is kind of shitty, so let’s talk about that.

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callout post for fuckmchine

I’m so sick of her preying on young tumblr users so I’m making this post to warn people. If she approaches you, please block her. She seems to mainly message young girls (14-17), and compliments them, talks sexually with them, and then asks them to date her. tw: pedophilia, racism

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anonymous asked:

Are you religious?

In a word: yes.

In 1500 words:

My family is Mennonite. If you don’t know what that is (not a lot of people do, I’ve found), it’s one of the many Christian denominations. I imagine you’re aware of the split between the Roman Catholic Church and the Protestants (especially if you live in a country where there’s still bad blood between the two). Well, the Mennonites are part of the Anabaptists who split off from both of them in the 16th century and are named after Menno Simons, who was one of the early leaders. The Anabaptists believed that church membership should be voluntary, not required, and that people should be baptized when they choose to be a part of the church instead of at infancy. There was a lot of persecution and the early Anabaptists fled rather than fought back.

A lot of Mennonite history is them settling somewhere, farming for a while, then picking up and moving to another country when war is looming to start the cycle all over again. Some eventually came to North America while others went to South America; I know there’s a definite Mennonite presence in Paraguay.  Most of my ancestors, however, ended up in the prairies of Canada and the U.S. and—big surprise—started farming.

There are some Old Order Mennonites that live in a very simple manner, similar to the Amish. I’ve never met them.  All the Mennonites I know look the same as pretty much everyone else.  There’s a big focus in the Mennonite church on peace and pacifism, and the importance of service to others.  And there’s an undercurrent of humility and modesty, which I think still links us to our Old Order cousins.

I know that these days, there’s a big push in society against organized religion and towards science and atheism.  And don’t get me wrong, I am all for science and evidence-based reasoning; they’re extremely important disciplines that I believe should be taught to everyone.  I graduated university with a Bachelor’s of Science, majoring in physics.

“But J.D., how can you believe in God/Jesus and science at the same time? Aren’t they mutually exclusive?”

Well, I can’t say it’s an easy path to walk, but I don’t think they’re mutually exclusive.  Mayim Bialik (Amy Farrah Fowler of The Big Bang Theory) recently posted a video on this exact subject which I found to be both interesting and very relatable. I find that the more we learn and discover scientifically, the less we realize we actually know.

Take gravity, for example. We know it exists and its effects are measurable. We have developed equations that predict how gravity affects planets orbiting a star and how it shapes space-time.  But as far as I know, we have yet to observe what gravity actually is.  Is due to as-yet-undetected particles dubbed “gravitons?” Is it due to theoretical gravitational waves? Something else entirely?

So as far as I’m concerned, wherever we have gaps in our knowledge, that’s where God is.

I have met people who are scientifically-minded and also Christians.  One was my high school physics teacher who had a distinctly Mennonite last name and my parents actually went to the same church as him back in the day.  Another was a physics professor from the University of British Columbia whom I crossed paths with once.  We had an interesting talk about how science and faith aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive.

I would like to point out that while I have read the Bible, I do not feel compelled to take absolutely everything literally. For example: I am not a Young Earth Creationist; I fully believe the Earth is 4.5 billion years old and not close to ten thousand, and I think the story of creation in Genesis is allegorical and does not constitute a literal 7-day week. Nor have I ever pictured God as some old bearded man in the sky (not that God was ever described that way in the Bible, but it does seem to be a popular image).

Actually, I consider that “being made in the image of God” doesn’t necessarily mean how we look physically, but something more intangible: our soul / consciousness / spirit / mind / however you want to define it.  We have self-awareness and free will.  To my understanding, no other creature on Earth has that; we are unique on this planet and possibly in the universe.  (Although I do kind of hope that aliens are out there; I do love my sci-fi.  But alien life does open up whole other cans of worms in regards to all this.)

I don’t pretend to have all the answers either. I struggle with trying to understand the violence ordered by God in the Old Testament vs. Jesus’ ministry of peace and reconciliation in the New Testament. I’m mortified at the sheer number of horrible things that have been done in the name of religion, because “God said so” (especially by people who call themselves Christians).

I’ve always been taught that to be a Christian is to show love and mercy to other people. Even in the Bible, Jesus said the most important commandments were to love God and to love your neighbor as yourself, and all the other laws stemmed from these. If you truly loved the other person the same way you loved yourself, you wouldn’t steal from them, murder them, or burn their house down, would you?  I’ll be the first to admit that I’m far from perfect at showing love to absolutely everyone, but I do try.

Organized religion is a very powerful thing, but not without its problems. And I think there needs to be a distinct separation between church and state. The history of the church is fraught with scandals and questionable practices.  Even today, I’m very wary of mega-churches and televangelists and the image of Christianity that they project towards non-Christians.  John Oliver had a very interesting segment on the subject once. Having a place of worship that’s clean and maintained is fine, but outright promising that God will reward you for giving money to the church is worrisome at best and outright wrong if the money seems to be going to lavish homes and expenses of the pastor.

Many staunchly conservative folks, especially in the United States, identify as Christians.  It’s probably fair to say that a lot of American politicians fit into this category (although I suspect some claim it more to satisfy their constituents than out of any personal convictions).  Yet Jesus—whom Christians are ostensibly trying to embody—spent his time healing the sick, feeding the hungry, helping the poor and the downtrodden, and being a man of peace… whereas these days I see a woefully insufficient healthcare system, a widening wealth gap fostering homelessness and unemployment, and absurd amounts of money being poured into war and military funding while infrastructure crumbles and education lags.

(I realize it sounds like I’m picking on the U.S.  I’m really not trying to.  Canada has a lot of these same problems too, as do many other countries.  But America often features in the news all over the world and most people can readily recognize the country and its current issues. Plus, there are many of its citizens who would claim that it’s a Christian nation, which ties in with what I’m saying here.)

What I’m getting at is that there can be a big disparity between how Christians are called to act and how some Christians actually do.  Religion can be a strong force, and it has been used for both good and ill and for justifying people’s actions six ways from Sunday.  There are good morals and guidelines to be found in the Bible, I promise!  I won’t claim it’s the only way to be a moral and upright human, but it has worked for me so far.  I’d be willing to bet that most people who know me personally would say that I’m an upstanding young man who treats other people with respect.  And I would say a large part of that is due to my upbringing in the Mennonite church.  

Having said all of this, I may lose followers.  I may gain some too.  I might even receive some hateful anonymous messages, although I’d really rather not. Tumblr is hard to predict that way. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter.  As with everyone else, I live according to what I feel is right.  I do my personal best to be an accepting, compassionate, kind, and loving human being by following Jesus’ example. If I then go to heaven after I die, fantastic! If it turns out there is no afterlife and we simply blink out of existence after we pass away, then I’ve done what I can to make the world a little better while I was here.  And I haven’t lost anything for it.  

Being a Christian isn’t always easy.  I try to do good (and to do well).  I don’t always succeed.  But I learn a little more every day.  

Dear Steroliners

I have been lurking the steroline tag and your beautiful gifs/metas/fan fictions for awhile now. I don’t have my own tumblr/twitter presence, and I’ve never felt the need to weigh in until now, other than some random asks I’ve thrown at kmze. But it must be said, or it will continue to haunt me: this finale was completely bogus and should be thrown in the dumpster. I felt like maybe writing this out will help me get over the tragic and senseless end of those two adorable puppies, Stefan and Caroline. So here it goes.

There was so much NOPE in this finale it’s hard to know where to start, but I’m going to focus on the most obvious: Stefan’s death.

I don’t object to the notion that a Salvatore brother had to die. They’ve evaded death for far too long, and left way too many bodies in their wake. I don’t think any of us expected both the Salvatore brothers to make it out of this show alive. Would I have preferred it to be Damon that died, or at least to have the brothers both go out in a blaze of glory? Fuck yes. But I could have handled Stefan dying, and Damon living, had it been handled in a way that made even a shred of sense. It was not.

A sacrificial death, when done right, can be a very fitting way for a show to go out. See: Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s finale. 15 year old me shipped Buffy and Spike (I know, I know, quite a toxic relationship, but moving on). So I was bummed as heck when Spike died in the finale. But the way he went out was just so damn fitting I could not be that mad. He sacrificed himself to save Buffy, to save the Slayer-ettes and the rest of the Scoobies, and literally the entire world. It was necessary and rooted in the plot and was therefore heroic and did a heck of a lot to redeem him of his terrible deeds. It fit the narrative, it fit the character’s arc, and it was satisfying, which took the edge off the tragedy.

Now, let’s compare that to Stefan’s death shall we? Was his death necessary to save the world? Nope. It was not even necessary to save Mystic Falls, since Bonnie had found a way to control the hellfire and send it to hell, or at least divert it. It was arguably necessary to kill Katherine and destroy Hell, but like, there’s nothing particularly noble about destroying Hell? There were tons of bad people in Hell, people that should arguably have stayed in Hell and not been given a “get out of Hell free” card. There did seem to be some not terrible people stuck in Hell (Vicky was irritating but not evil) but maybe since Cade was dead this whole policy of throwing everyone who ever screwed up once in their lives, into eternal torment, no longer applied? Katherine is a cut-throat queen but I don’t see her being this petty. Unclear, but either way this Hell mythology was just too murky for a set-up wherein destroying Hell equals redemption. So far, I fail to see how this action redeemed Stefan’s tattered soul and granted him his peace.

Okay so let’s assume I’ve missed something. (I very well could have. I only watched the finale once and I doubt I’ll ever be able to bring myself to watch it again.) Let’s assume for the sake of argument that in fact the whole “stabbing Katherine with the dagger at the very moment she is immolated thus ensuring she dies in Hell and Hell is destroyed” was a very necessary and heroic act in the grand scheme of things. So at least one of the Salva-bros had to die. The choice of who gets the axe should be based in the narrative, yes? Maybe the brother who showed up in Mystic Falls in season 1, all gleeful about tormenting his brother and making the residents of Mystic Falls suffer, would be a good choice for the one who ultimately saves the town? Whose ongoing arc has been about becoming a better, less-selfish man, one capable of putting his brother before his own needs? Who, two episodes before, had proven that he was ready to be that hero, and had died in a similar sacrifice, but had miraculously come back from it with no explanation? Maybe the writers had a plan? HAHA BITCH YOU THOUGHT.

Instead, Stefan dies because “Damon is the better man.” Hahahahahah lol lol lol brb LAUGHING FOREVER. I don’t need to list the many actions/character traits that Damon has displayed over the years, that make it emphatically clear that he is not the better man. At best he is the equally-as-terrible man. Stefan killed Enzo, yes, which was painful, mainly because of its effect on Bonnie (Enzo was also a murderous trashbag, let us never forget). But Damon killed Tyler, tried to kill Bonnie, and abducted a couple of 4 year olds and tried to sell them to the Devil in return for his own soul, and that was just in season 8. I can’t even remember all the times he killed Alaric and Jeremy, I have literally lost count. Many of you have already covered Damon’s many crimes in your well-reasoned and thoughtful metas and commentaries. They do not need repeating. Damon is a selfish, impulsive, weak-willed, predatory psycho murderer. We have the receipts in the form of seasons 1-8 of this show. I say this as someone who is actually a big Damon fan (I like his snark) and was all about Damon and Elena in seasons 1-4, despite how terrible they were to Stefan. (The actors had lit chemistry back then, sue me.)

Stefan is a psycho murderer too, but at least he feels bad about it. I invite anyone to explain to me how saving Damon, and giving him a human life, tilted the karmic scales in Stefan’s favour. One mass-murderer dying, so that another mass-murderer can live, does not redeem the first mass-murderer, particularly when the major crime the first mass-murderer seems to be paying for, is the murder of a THIRD MASS-MURDERER (Enzo). I just refuse to believe that the universe’s sense of justice is this out to fucking lunch.  

Also, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the most glaring plot hole in this clusterfuck of a sacrifice=redemption narrative, which is obviously that DAMON DIDN’T HAVE TO DO SHIT TO FIND REDEMPTION/PEACE. NOTHING NADA ZILCH. Thus undermining the entire justification for Stefan’s death. Dear god, what a mess.

I can sort of see how in Stefan’s deeply troubled mind dying for his brother would redeem him, because he loved the shit out of his brother, despite how rarely Damon actually deserved that love. Which brings us to another high-key problematic aspect of this finale, which is the assassination of Stefan’s character development. Over 8 seasons, we watched Stefan struggle with his mental illness, his addiction, his complete lack of self-worth, and most importantly, his suicidal tendencies. Once he was able to remove himself from the Triangle of Doom, he actually made a lot of progress! He stopped referring to the Ripper in the third person, he got a handle on the whole blood thing, and when he finally opened his eyes about Caroline, he found a healthy, happy, mutually supportive relationship for pretty much the first time in his entire life. He didn’t ever fully let go of his dependency on Damon, but by the time season 8 started, he was planning a life with Caroline and clearly heading in that direction. His suicidal tendencies made a come-back, thanks to killing Enzo and the guilt that caused him, but by 8x13 he was like I WANNA LIVE, by 8x14 he was re-proposing to Caroline and talking about growing old, and by 8x15 he was effing married to the love of his life and dancing and laughing with her at their wedding.

Then 8x16 comes around, and suddenly, he’s back to “I HAVE TO DIE BECAUSE OF WHAT I DID TO ENZO AND I WON’T BE ABLE TO MAKE UP FOR MY SINS BECAUSE I’M HUMAN AND DON’T HAVE MUCH TIME BUT DAMON YOU HAVE ETERNITY AND YOU’RE THE BETTER MAN” and I’m like THA FUCK? Did I imagine the previous 15 episodes/the previous 5 seasons? Is this the right channel? WHAT IS HAPPENING WHERE AM I RIGHT NOW?  

There are also so many plot holes when it comes to discerning Stefan’s own motivation for this sacrifice, directly out of the dialogue and HIS OWN DAMN MOUTH. He tells Damon that he has “an eternity with Elena” to make up for his own sins. But Stefan’s actions were definitely pre-meditated right? He knew he was going to give Damon the cure, so obviously Damon will not have an eternity to make up for his own crimes? Also Elena is a human now and Damon has been droning on about their human endgame plan for like 5 years now, ever since Elena went into her mystical coma? And then my personal favourite, when Stefan talks to Elena, he tells her he wanted her to have the chance to get to know human Damon. BUT EXCUSE ME as far as he knew Elena was stuck in the mystical coma until Bonnie dies, which everyone assumed would be 60-70 years from then, so seeing as how Damon will age and probably be dead by the time Elena wakes up, or at least very wrinkly and very old, how does he figure he is giving Damon and Elena their happily ever after? As far as Stefan knows, or at least SHOULD KNOW relying on concepts like logic and common sense, he just took away both Damon’s right to choose to die, AND Damon’s happily ever after with Elena, and this is full circle and remedies his original sin of forcing Damon to turn into a vampire and I’m just !?!??!!? I’M PHRASING THESE AS QUESTIONS BECAUSE I LEGIT WANT A FUCKING EXPLANATION SOMEONE PLS HELP.  

Oh and btw the whole Stefan sacrificing himself for Damon and Elena and making up for his original sin of forcing Damon to turn, was so effing murky in the actual episode it had to be explained in interviews by KW and JP, at which point KW made it clear that this entire nightmare happened because he is a 14 year old Stelena fanboy and didn’t watch the last 5 seasons of his own damn show AND NOW I’M ACTUALLY LAUGHING IT’S ALL SO RIDICULOUS.

So, cool. Stefan is dead, Caroline is widowed on her effing wedding day, I am emotionally gutted, and basically this all happened for virtually no reason my brain can discern. Very epic, so fitting, what a pay-off, much full-circle, argaahgaahfTHEFUCK.

When Caroline left him that voicemail, I couldn’t even enjoy the “I will love you forever” line because she also said “I understand” and I was like OMIGOD CAROLINE PLS EXPLAIN IT OUT LOUD CAUSE I SURE AS FUCK DON’T.

And even after all this, the writers are not QUITE done making a mockery out of the notion of consistency in story-telling. They decide that the last scene featuring Caroline Forbes-Salvatore, a character whose strongest traits are her loyalty to the people she loves and moral backbone, and who was widowed like 5 minutes ago from the viewer’s perspective, should be spent with Caroline receiving a letter from a murderous one-night-stand she does not GAF about. For the cherry-on-top, anyone who watches the Originals knows that the one-night-stand is currently suffering some sort of hell torment and hallucinating his actual true love, one Camille O’Connor. AND THEN THE WRITERS HAVE TO GO ON TWITTER to try and explain how the fuck this timeline could possibly make sense and Joseph Morgan is like “I’ve filmed all of season 4 lol what letter?” and I’m laughing again because this is total amateur-hour. Thank you to all the twitter users who have been dragging this joke of a writing team online, your salt is giving me life. Never has a moment of such cheap and blatant fan-baiting backfired so magnificently. I was planning on watching the Originals when it comes back but HAHA NOPE NEVER AGAIN JULIE PLEC, BACK TO THE DUMPSTER WITH YOU.

Anyways, this rant got out of hand. The point here is that I feel justified in completely ignoring this entire finale because of how little sense it made or even attempted to make. I’m sad a show I’ve loved for 8 years ended on such an absurd and poorly-plotted note. Perhaps I’ll eventually get around to writing some fan fiction in an attempt to create my own little alternative ending. In retrospect, I probably should have known better, but I hung in there because when TVD was good, it was really good. But damn, when it was bad, it was truly unwatchable.

Stefan and Caroline forever.