i am pretty much a horrible person

anonymous asked:

This is horribly rude and terribly forward... but I am quite curious as to the age gap between you and your lovely wife *awkwardly backs out of your inbox*

It’s not horribly rude. We’re not embarrassed by our age gap. There’s a 30+ year age gap between us. Though if you met us in person you’d wonder which of us was the younger one because I’m so old at heart that I’m pretty much drawing social security

Some Controversial Sunny Thoughts

I know there’s another post out there like this, but I figured I’d do one to express some opinions that have been stewing inside me for a while.

  • Dee is the third worst person in the gang after Frank and Dennis.  She’s raped men, set a girl on fire, planned to murder her own family for money, and now tricked a stripper into committing an act of incest.  Yes, she is insecure and pathetic, but she is also a vindictive and deplorable person and it’s weird to me that people don’t see this.
  • Dennis does, in fact, have ASPD.  He fits all the criteria (which, I’d like to add, is pretty much totally behaviorally-based) as outlined in the DSM.  However, this does not negate his diagnosis of BPD.  In fact, BPD and ASPD are highly comorbid, especially in males. It also does not make him a horribly evil, unfeeling supervillain, either. I myself am guilty of being a Dennis apologist, but just saying: don’t forget the four crows, the weird website, or the fetish shit.
  • If a MacDennis event were to happen, it would most likely never extend into a meaningful, monogamous relationship.  Dennis may be bisexual, but he is obviously more into women than men and has proven himself incapable of sustaining romantic relationships, anyway.
  • Dee is more important to Dennis than Mac.  When he thought they were going to drown in The Gang Goes to Hell, he chose his last words to be “I love you” to her.
Love isn’t Perfect and that’s Okay-Scott McCall

Teen Wolf Imagine:#4 Prompt:#39

Word Count: 2,327 (see I told you it was going to be on the longer side.)

Warnings: None that I can think of.

A/n: So I am a horrible person and I’m sorry this took so long but it’s done now and I hope you like it and I hope it’s good because I worked really hard on it and I think it’s not half bad. Let me know what you think please, I appreciate feedback.

Masterlist

Coming Soon

~~~

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8

FAVORITE PEOPLEMarina And The Diamonds

I’m not a political person at all, but I am interested in society. And seeing rape culture explode over the past few years and be pretty much in the news every single day is sickening. It’s more about trying to start a conversation on why these things are in our human traits. Because they are natural to us even though it’s really hard to hear. No one wants to say that rape is natural, but it’s something that’s been embedded in us, and it’s horrendous.”

So, a few months back, the first issue of the HYDRA!Cap comic run came out. People were outraged. People burned books, tried to tell others how to think or how to feel, and in general went a little insane. There were fissures in the Marvel fandom between people who had been friends because one or the other couldn’t stand the opinion that the other held. Not because they agreed with the concept, mind, or even liked it, but because they weren’t handling it the way the other person liked.

It was horrible, divisive, and pretty much the worst reaction to anything that I’ve seen in this fandom.

Why am I bringing this up? Well, conversation drifted that way in one of my IMs and it felt like a good time to share, relevant to the world at large. 

Mind, I haven’t read it, but I think the whole HYDRA!Cap run is actually relevant. Just it existing, to me, is a reminder that even good people can fall to bad ideals. To me, it’s a reminder that one can’t just sit back and relax and expect the world to be taken care of by someone else. To me, it’s a reminder of how easy it is to rip apart a community if you know just what to say.

Sound familiar?

I understand the outrage, the people who felt that the turn besmirched what Captain America was for, that felt betrayed by the turn something that they loved had taken. 

That was the point I think.

It’s supposed to make people think. It’s supposed to make people step back and go ‘How do we avoid this? How do we fix this?’

Instead, people started book burnings, censorship, and fights over ideals in the name of those who went before.

It makes me wonder how many of you have actually met Holocaust victims. How many of you feel that hate would ever be the answer to anything. 

I won’t claim to speak for everyone because there’s always those who take the path that’s easiest, who hurt and deny instead of educate, but I’m never going to be one of those. I prefer to give people the opportunity to grow from something terrible into something amazing. 

I prefer to show someone how they’re wrong instead of attacking what they believe in and making them hold it even tighter

When I was a child, barely in the third or fourth grade, I met a Holocaust victim. They were a child in the story they told, about watching family die and handling the dead, and I remember how silent and solemn my entire school was, the teachers standing vigil at the edges of the cafeteria. I remember the details of the story, what it felt like to look at the number tattoo on an old arm and hear that had been with them for most of their life. 

I remember coming away thinking that we have to make sure that that never happened again, to hold onto the message of making sure people understood things, the horror of them, when they were terrible, so that they wouldn’t want to repeat them.

So, you see, sure, this is late, the debate on how good or terrible the HYDRA!Cap comics are is no longer raging furiously across fandom, but that’s fine. Today is the day that I decided to share these thoughts. 

That’s the important part. That I can share these thoughts, and know that I’m safe, that the government has no right to bust down my door for something I’ve said. That’s what the world is making me worried is going to fade. That’s the message that the book burnings made me wary was going to be lost.

So, I know, solemn and sudden this is, but give it a little thought maybe.

I’m not saying you should support the turn the comics took, of course not. But maybe, well, maybe the message being sent isn’t the one that was presumed.

Thank you for reading.

Ugh.

A few weeks back I mentioned on Tumblr that I’d unintentionally lost a somewhat significant amount of weight.

(Not so much that I’m in any kind of danger zone and I am trying to gain it back.)

“Check out this blog!” suggested Tumblr. 
“Title looks political and worth clicking on!” I thought.

(CN: Eating disorders) 

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i feel like i am up a hill then walking down a hill and up a hill then down a hill. i haven’t been without any medications in a while. for the past ten months of being in new zealand i have been pretty much always medicated. even if it was only just one medicine cause the other one ran out, i was always somewhat under control.

now it just feels like i have literally NO control over who i am. without my medication is this truly who i am? am i really this horrible person? or is the real me the person who is medicated? 

without any mood stabilizers i was rocky, but now without them and without my anti-depressants i am more than just a rocky boat, the boat was crashed and now i am just waves. 

i always feel like i am a thousand times more cruel, more upset, more angry… even now i am avoiding talking to the person i love the most because of something so small and petty but that to me feels like a thousand shards of glass stuck to my feet. 

im so sorry i am this way

if i could throw myself off the building right now i would

goood if anyone could just kill me right now… 

let me die let me die let me die

is this really the person i am

is this really who i am

i feel so horrible and self defeatist right now…because I’m introverted and am generally a quiet person i get judged so much and was kicked out of my last place and my current one because i wasn’t friendly enough with the room mates who owned the place….like i am so sick of extroverts atm…why can’t i just be my own person without facing constant judgement…why are there adults acting like fucking children…am i ever going to find a living arrangement that doesn’t make me feel horrible about myself as a person??? Because it seems pretty unrealistic at this point, i can’t really afford my own place and people/roommates are so exhausting and i hate it, I hate it so much…

Concerning Manwë...

Never have I posted any fandom Silmarillion thoughts, mainly because I prefer to discuss them with friends instead ((actually what I should be doing is writing long overdue answers to said friends but I am a horrible person who won´t be able to do anything remotely productive until I get certain things out of my chest))

I´m pretty sure some melkorslegacy´s post inserted itselft so deep in my skull, my dear, lovable brain didn´t stop mulling over it until I´m indeed posting it. (And certainly lastest givenclarity´s Melkor/Manwë pic did NOT helped!) ((not tagging anyone even if metioned ´cause I don´t wanna force anyone into reading this just to know why they were mentioned -_- ))

So, here it comes:

“Manwë is scary as fuck

Now now, that was just the conclusion (albeit expressed in a more comical way, because as always today I was in a very comical mood apparently). 

Please I beg you, let me elaborate a little.

*warning: I may be even get a little philosophical ((yeah, it´s happening))  o__o

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I want a relationship like Kaylor

Friendship or not, I want
•someone I could trust enough to give a key to my place
•someone I could bake and cook with even though I’m horrible at both and I’ll just end up watching the other person finish the rest of the job
•someone who I can gush and ramble on about to people and vice versa
•someone I could take to road trips and have tons of adventures with
•someone who could make time for me even if they don’t have time for (supposed) significant others
•someone who would help guide me through life the way Karlie guides Taylor to her car
•someone who I would start matching with without even realizing what’s happening
•someone who could inspire me to be fitter and healthier bc, let’s be real, who wouldn’t want to be fit and healthy especially if the other person’s gorgeous af
•someone who would wear sneakers (even though heels are fabulous) just to conform with my height
•and someone who looks at me/someone I can look at the way Karlie and Taylor look at each other

So I was pretty much told today that I don’t have what it takes to be a teacher and that I need to consider other options.

I never planned for this. Now I am facing two wasted years of education classes, a pile of student loans, and no idea on what to do next.

I have already panicked to the point of nearly fainting. I’m not sure how to fix this.

anonymous asked:

#you don't have to earn moral significance #if you are capable of experiences I want htem to be good ones #no one in all of history has ever been deserving of suffering Encountering your belief system has improved my day and may well improve my life. Thank you so much. Signed, an autistic person with OCD who has independently done some pretty damn horrible things, and is trying to become a better person.

I am glad that this message connected with you! It has the place that it does in my thinking because I am likewise not always capable of believing myself a good enough person to deserve happiness. And it is really great to remember that, in fact, it is right that my experiences be good just because I exist and can have experiences at all. And that things I do can make the world better or make the world worse but they can’t make me deserve to suffer. 

I’m sure not everyone is wired the same this way. But “I’m going to fight for a better world because that’s what I want and what everyone ought to have” just feels a lot better than “I have to fight for a better world because I don’t deserve happiness until I’ve earned it”. 

(Becoming a better person is so much easier once you’re doing it because happiness is good and the world ought to be full of it, instead of because you think you have to be a good person or else you’re worthless.)

I think people are more good when they’re less scared, and that includes being less scared that they’re not sufficiently good. 

Penny Dreadful Season 2 in a nutshell:
  • Vanessa: WE NEED BETTER HOME SECURITY.
  • Ethan: I'M A WHAT NOW?
  • Malcolm: I'm still a horrible person, but this time it's not my fault!
  • Malcolm: Much.
  • Sembene: I do NOT get paid enough to have to put up with this shit.
  • Victor: What is this feeling, so sudden and new?
  • Lily: I feel pretty, oh so pretty!
  • Lily: ALSO COME NEAR ME AND I WILL CUT YOU.
  • John Clare: I hate myself and my heart is a seething pit of despair.
  • Lyle: I just hate my life in general.
  • Dorian: Oooo, you're cute!
  • Angelique: It's so great to be accepted for who I am!
  • Dorian: Oh, wait, bored now.
  • Evelyn: EVERYTHING IS PROCEEDING AS I HAVE FORESEEN
  • Hecate: Yes, Mama 。◕ ‿ ◕
  • Hecate: (Time to jam a spanner in the works, I want me some wolfy!)
  • Rusk: So I'm basically like a slightly less manic Javert?
  • Putney Family: Numerous cryptic comments about how our new employees face will make our fortune, OMINOUS
  • Dracula: Apparently I'm now one half of Lucifer walking the earth, trying to find a mother for my dark legions.
  • Dracula: It's a living, I guess.