i am nowhere near creative

The “IT” Journal: Entry 1 - The “New” Frontier

For those who have followed me for a long time, THANK YOU! You know I have been working very hard to build a business and even products and industry out of the found object creations I do. This whole thing has come with a lot of wonderful accolades and terrific enthusiasm but, as a business, it has failed miserably. 

However, I am an artist. I am a creative with a lot of energy and nowhere near putting an end to my creativity. 

My creativity, HOWEVER, needs to be significantly adjusted and I do have a deep passion for the environment and believe this is something every human not just scrambling to survive should be committed to. I STILL enjoy working with found objects quite a bit AND media in a lot of forms still is my experience and I expect to continue to do both of these in my work. 

Will I keep doing furniture and lighting? I do not yet know. I mean, if you’re paying, sure! lol But as a personal mission, there are some pieces I would love to see completed and those I will, but the simpler (not so) easy to sell ones, probably not so much. We will see. This is all an experiment. 

One thing, I have also, in secret, been exploring is my own darker leaning sexuality. In this place where I find myself, not sure which direction to go, it seems important to pull all that I am into one large pot and begin to stir it all together and see what rises to the top. EVEN this very low and depraved bottom lurking sexual exploration it has been doing should go into the mix. 

BEFORE I GO ON TO EXPLAIN THIS DARK PLACE: I do totally understand that for some, maybe many, this is not going to be something you want to partake of or look at or in ANY WAY want to see. Some of it has already begun here at my REFIT OR DIE tumblr posts. I have seen some chose to now follow and others leave. That is totally understandable.

So YOU can better decide if this is something YOU wish to follow and watch, 

This is the last time in these entries I will refer to myself as I or ME. 

The self references in the above text doesn’t fit with the identity that it’s deeper understanding of self has guided it to. In these journal entires, referring to myself as “it” is more suited to what it believes itself to be.

it has found a drawing into or longing, no matter how much it has fought or ran, to live as an object. A thing, a piece of equipment, livestock. Livestock is the word it has found powerful identity in. And it has found Men, particularly and specifically BLACK MEN to hold the power to OWN IT as Livestock. And its submission as chattel to Black Men seems inevitable if it is to live it’s truth. 

it is, right now, under consideration and tight observation by a Black Slave Owner who specifically believes white male animals are to be regarded as such. Animals. nothing more. It feels strongly about this too and agrees with him. 

This is A Black Slave Owner it has communicated with years ago, who taught it a lot back then. it got scared and ran away and hid. Now it is beginning the journey HE intended for it to have already been well on.

It has considered all this for a long time and was using the following tumblr https://whitelivestock.tumblr.com/ to find expression in it and understanding of itself. PLEASE NOTE: that tumblr is explicit and though it may feel compelled to say “it doesn’t reflect what it is, sometimes it just gets carried away”, it ACTUALLY DOES REFLECT what it is. WHAT IT WANTS TO BE.

This Black Slave Owner who is considering it for ownership understands the nature of it as a white animal and encourages it to allow itself to let go into its own DEPRAVITY, ANIMAL DRIVES, DARKEST DEBASED BEHAVIOR in order to begin to put a close to the “decent” “polite” life it has been living falsely since it was born. 

He has also made it clear, now that it is being considered for ownership as livestock that it should regard everything it owns and will own, earn, build or create to be HIS ALREADY. Livestock doesn’t own anything. And at this time, neither does it. Everything, along with itself is owned by Him even now. It has already agreed to this all. 

He has already been given access to everything except bank accounts and financial portals until He choses to require those. 

He has already reviewed its values and uses He can exploit for His own purposes and benefits. It has surrendered to ANYTHING he choses to do with it.

if it was not just a white animal, if it was a person, it would be a depraved and dark and disturbing being. But it is an animal and this Amazing Black Slave Owner is willing to accept it as it is and let it live the life it was meant to live and be the low depraved creature it ACTUALLY IS. 

This is scary for it as well as thrilling. This journal will be where it expresses its thoughts on the transformation of its “polite” “real” life into the existence a white animal like it was born to be. 

This is simply Journal Entry 1.