i am not the master today

TalesFromYourServer: Serious. Today can F-off

So, I work at a small brewhouse that has a bistro style menu. It’s what happens when a master brewer and head chef are friends. I primarily work as a Servers Assistant and Host, but we have such a small base staff that they are slowly weaning me on to serving.

I worked a double today. Serving in the AM shift and being the host/SA for the evening shift. My morning shift goes well, make some decent money, I’m learning the computer system more, people seemed pretty happy with me. Then, I bust my ass in the kitchen. Someone had dropped container of orange marmalade onto the floor and my foot comes down right in the middle of the puddle. By the end of my first shift, my elbow is swollen and my knee is starting to throb. So, I cash out my last table and my manager calculates my tip out. He says no tip out to morning SA, I double check and he says no. Then, I tip out the bar eight dollars and grab some ice for my elbow while I elevate my leg for half an hour. We are too slammed for me to leave.

I clocked back in and it’s a zoo. It was a pretty day today, so everyone and their dog is out, but most people seem pretty nice. So, I’m bussing tables so people can sit down. The way our bar is set up, dirty glassware goes behind the bar into racks. There is one next to the well at the end of the bar and one next to the center of the bar where the dishwasher is. The rack closest to the well is full and the bartenders bitch when we stack glassware. So, I have a full tray, duck behind the bar and start putting down my glassware.

One of the bartenders mutters to the manager that she’s sleeping with that she can’t concentrate with people behind the bar and we’re screwing her up because there’s dirty glassware everywhere. Bitch, we are slammed. There are 4 bartenders behind the bar for PM shift alone and only 2 SA’s for the entire rest of the restaurant. If you guys can’t keep up with your shit, it’s not my problem! Sorry, I have a real problem with passive aggressive behavior. If I am ass deep in alligators and you have a problem, tell me. I can’t read your mind and I’m not willing to try.

To make matters worse, we have the entire dining room blocked off. We have 6 large reservations that I have to find room for, in the midst of running food and beer, bussing and greeting guests with menus and water. My knee has also started to swell and is stiffening up on me. So now, I have a noticeable limp and my elbow is starting to discolor. I have three separate tables drop glasses within minute of each other, so I have to clean up all of that, standing like a damn flamingo, so I don’t have to bend my knee.

Right before another reservation is schedule to arrive, the other SA sits a 7 top at a reserved 4 top. So, now I have a pissed server, a cramped group of miserable middle aged monstrosities, and nowhere for my reserved 3 top to go. Fabulous.

So, I hobble to find my manager to see where else I can put the incoming party and while I’m talking to him, the same bartender starts bitching at me because I’m not running beer. Argh!

When I finally seat the last reservation, one of my coworkers notices that I’m limping and makes the manager let me go. I hope everybody doesn’t think less of me, but I was on the verge of tears, not just from being banged up.

By: Faulty_Towers


JRR Tolkien, master of modern fantasy, held a deep, undying dislike for the Bard of England. Let’s talk about why and how it impacted his writing.


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Today’s Affirmations

ॐ  I am aligning with the best things to move me towards where I want to go.
ॐ  I am worthy of my dreams, desires, hopes, and aspirations and continue to get closer to reaching them.
ॐ  I trust that even when I don’t have the answers, I am on the right path, and merging with the right things for me.

Things I’m waiting to see in the kuro movie

- Everything.

But specifically:

- Dr. Feelgood:

- “We’re The Midfords”:

- “My mother did this to my hair because we’re going to church today” hairstyle:

- “You’re a freak but not for me” scene:

- “I am alone but I have food”:

- Masters of deception:

- Sportacus:

- Resident Evil. Starring Ronald Redfield:

- “Your face is grass and I’m gonna mow it”:

-”Even though I have to kill you I admit you have nice shoes”:

- This guy:

- “I am secretly a five year old inside of a demon’s body”:

- Ceiling Lizzy + “You just seem to keep falling for me”:

- Female character people would have liked more if she had been a boy:

- Jealous is the new red:

- Fetus Ciel:

- This guy snorts when he laughs:

- Titanic 3D:

- I am all technique (but I have killed many while trying to acquire the perfect precision):

- Emperor Nero + That moment when everyone was tired of Druitt’s shit and wanted to kill him:

- “My hair hides my true identity”:

- Undertaker’s real name is Charlie Chaplin:

- This scene will look awesome animated:

- Yandere! Sebastian + That moment when everybody’s heart broke:

- The origins:

- #LetUsAllHugFetusCiel 

- “Maybe this burnt down mansion was a bad idea”:

- “Cause you’re hot and you're cold, 

don’t wash me at all. 

You’ve hurt me, get out. 

It’s too hot, I’m out!”:

- The mistery of where Sebastian’s left hand is in here will finally be solved:

- More fetus Ciel:

- “And he was like, ‘hey bastard, your ends are split’ and I was like ‘just like your girlfriend’s legs last night, but you don’t see me complaining about it now, do you?’”

- It would have hurt more if he had hit the top of his hands instead of just the palms + Oh, so you suddenly feel the heat but you couldn’t manage to make a simple fucking bath, huh?:

- I don’t care if she doesn’t even talk I just wanna see her in the movie:

- Madam please, I’m still not over you:

- “Sweet kiss, shitty ass crown. Just get me a princess tiara and we can pretend”:

- When you think you know a lot of stuff for your age so you bother your father about it, but then your old man gets tired of you and hits you with the harsh reality:

- *Mmm watcha say…*

- Do you think Sebastian DiCaprio will get his oscar after this?

And of course… The thing that most definitely has to appear…


Today, on “Forcearama Once Again Takes You Through A Highlight From This Absolutely Hilarious Star Wars Legends Book, The Jedi Path”: we learn that we must be good Padawans and not make our Jedi Masters look bad by doing things like hanging out in bars or getting high, something that I am so sure no Jedi ever do (just like they never do any of the other thousand things they aren’t supposed to do, like fall in love with each other and get people pregnant and turn to the fucking Dark Side.)

PLEASE NOTE WHICH FORMER PADAWAN OWNER OF THIS BOOK TOOK EXCEPTION TO THIS GUIDELINE. I love that he tries to claim that it’s purely in service of the mission, too. Sure, Kenobi. You can get “excellent information” there. The fact that they serve booze at these places is totally not a plus for you. 

Who among us is surprised? Hmm? Hands?

So, this is in the Jedi Guidebook, and not only was Obi-Wan like BUT WAIT BARS CAN BE USEFUL FOR STUFF, he then also proceeded to take his OWN Padawan to a bar.

This guy. I swear to God.

MBTI Statistics: Part II

Not too long ago (but an extremely long time ago in Internet time), I made a master post of a shit ton of unrelated MBTI charts, polls, and statistics that I’d accrued throughout my time on the Internet. It got unexpectedly popular, and ended up sort of blowing up. (Click here to see part I of this post.)

Well, I am here today to inform you that I have since found many more MBTI-related charts for your viewing pleasure, and to present them here for you today! So, here it is again: a bunch more random MBTI statistics. Enjoy!

1. MBTI gender distribution

2. MBTI type by job satisfaction vs. income

3. MBTI type by natural confidence

4. MBTI type by general population vs. Internet population

5. MBTI type by general population vs. subreddit popularity

6. MBTI type of high school teachers vs. MBTI type of college professors

7. MBTI type visual grid

8. Enneagram x Pokemon type

9. MBTI type by best majors

10. MBTI type by gender (comparison)

11. MBTI x political compass

12. MBTI by number of Google results

13. MBTI by physical, emotional, and mental proclivity (source: me)

14. MBTI x DYT x temperament x spiritual gifts x color analysis

15. MBTI type by managerial responsibility

16. MBTI type by Love Language

17. MBTI type by global distribution vs. Reddit users

18. Percent of enneagram types that favor iNtuition

19. MBTI by representation in the programming profession

20. MBTI by percent male vs. percent female

21. MBTI clusters (NT, NF, ST, SF) by impactful influencing

22. MBTI by likeliness of early retirement

23. MBTI and attitudes towards having children (over 25)

24. MBTI and attitudes about the efficacy of meeting new people on social media

25. MBTI by most and least likely to be stay-at-home moms

26. MBTI by most and least likely to be stay-at-home dads

27. MBTI by various parenthood satisfaction rate statistics

28. MBTI by self-employment status

29. MBTI by average education level achieved

30. MBTI by Facebook usage

(Please take all of these charts with a grain of salt. I don’t know what parameters were used to make them, so they may or may not be inaccurate - I have no idea, I’m not the author. I also purposely did not bother including any of the sources (as much as I would’ve loved to, just for the sake of accuracy), just because I didn’t feel like spending the next ten hours trying to track down the original sources for all of these infographics. I seriously just don’t have the energy. Sorry!)

A year ago today - I designed Blue Screen in a stream, and @askinfresh started up the blog - @ask-bluescreen

So… today is Blue Screen’s birthday! 

I am still tied up with a lot of stuff - trying to finish my master program as well as other drawing items that I need to finish. So all I can get out today is a quick sketch of Screen with a slice of cake! 

Happy birthday Screen - I hope I can put more focus on you after college is complete. 

Blue Screen by @7goodangel and @askinfresh

hmltntrsh51  asked:

Hey I was wondering if maybe you could provide a little paragraph of something (Stephen or Daddy Newt preferably but whatever the heck you wanna write) as I've literally had the crappiest day and you're kinda the only think that ever makes me feel better. (I kinda got shoved into some lockers today.) And you TOTALLY don't have to write this I wouldn't be mad or anything if you didn't. That's totally up to you. Love you and your fics!! (And daddy Newt of course )❤❤❤❤

Dear lord…whoever did that to you is an awful human, and I am so sorry, sweetie. I hope it gets better and I’m glad I can help in some way! I hope you like this small raunchy smut lol

Master list

Imagine: Daddy Newt….fuck it I got nothing. This is just dirty stuff lol


You cried out as the wizard pinned you down, his strong grip holding you firmly to the bed as he thrust roughly into you. His growls of pleasure made you shiver in delight, the feeling of him slamming into you only creating the perfect friction that had you squirming and mewling beneath him. His lean hips fit perfectly against yours, every now and then rubbing into your swollen clit when he pushed forward. You wanted to purr out his name again, let him know how much pleasure the usually gentle Hufflepuff could elicit from your body.

But, as you opened your mouth to moan, his hand came to cup your cheeks, squeezing your face and forcing you to look up at him.

“Say it…say it, my darling.”

Though his pet name was sweet, you knew what his demanding tone meant. And you gulped deeply as he cooed out his next words.

“Say it.”

He slowed his thrusts down, teasingly pulling out of you and stopping just as the tip of his cock nestled itself between your folds.


“That’s right…”

Newt licked his lips, green eyes glaring down at you between his wavy locks. You could see the joy behind his gaze, knowing he had you where he wanted. Newt leaned down, licking across your cheek as he purred into your ear.

“Do you like being Daddy’s good girl?”

Your voice was raspy with overuse, having already screamed more than once during your love session. But, you squeezed out of his grasp, clawing at his back as you angled your hips down, trying to make his cock sink deep into you. But, Newt gripped your thighs, forcing you back down.

“Beg me..Beg Daddy to take you.”

I hope you liked it!!! ❤️

Originally posted by celebuzz

Happy 6th Anniversary Ninjago!
Honestly I had no idea it was today. I was just going to post this piece and move on. SUCH PERFECT TIMINGGGG!

The ninja are wearing all their suits from their seasons. I know the suit Lloyd is wearing isn’t from his season, but it represents him really taking on independence and maturity, so that’s why. Their background corresponds to their element as well.

This took approx. 4 months to do. In late September to October I worked on the people. In November I was done but I just left it lying there until late December when I decided to do a background. Welp I am so glad it’s done! After ‘a bit’ of procrastination, the 4 month work period was totally worth it. Myeh I’ll try not to take so long next time ….

Ninjago was my childhood…can’t belive it’s gotten so far. Keep making episodes XD

Friday Four
  1. As done as I am with the content police, I am 666% more done with the resistance police. They’re everywhere, telling me how not to respond. Don’t protest! Don’t debate the facts! Don’t call them stupid! Don’t accept defectors back into the fold! Don’t ally with conservatives! YOU ARE FALLING INTO THEIR TRAP, these strategery masters say. But the conclusion of these lines of action is to sit quietly and do nothing and meekly hope it all goes away, waiting on the world to change. Fuck that, fuck him, and fuck you.
  2. It hit 66ºF here today, shattering a 137-year-old record by six degrees. It hasn’t snowed here in 62 days. The ten-day forecast doesn’t dip much below 40ºF. This is Chicago. In February. Everything is fine.
  3. I came within an old man’s stray ear hair of straight-up murdering a coworker today. It would have been brutal and merciless. He was berating his doctor’s receptionist on the phone for not writing a new prescription without him coming in. Just typing that out fills me with regret for not ending him.
  4. I was gonna do five but I’m going home.

i don’t post a lot of personal stuff, mostly for privacy reasons (that and i never thought i would end up with this many followers!), but lately i have had mental health on my mind.

i have suffered from depression for years. i just kind of learned to live with it. But sometimes it still gets really bad. Add in the breathtaking anxiety i have had ever since i lost a child. Mix it all up with a shitty self esteem and very damaging former relationships and you get a giant fucking mess.

But never once has my Master blamed me for that. He has sat and listened to my insane thought processes and never has He said a negative thing about it. Sometimes He may get a laugh from my latest theory as to how i am going to end up ruining this and sometimes He may get a little frustrated because i’m crying for the 18th time today. But He is the first person i have been with that hasn’t torn me down or taken advantage of my feelings.

Every night when W/we go to sleep, He tells me how proud He is of me for getting through another day.
When i am having a particularly rough time, He doesn’t push me to talk about it. He reminds me that its okay to need some space sometimes, but that He is there and ready to listen when i am ready.
He lets me be really clingy when i need to just have contact with Him.
He notices when i am being harsh and punishing myself, and makes sure to remind me who gets to do the only punishing.
He takes the things i have shared with Him and uses them when i need a pep talk- “you are a good girl.” “…..” “No, I’m not just saying that so you’ll smile.” “……” “Yes, I do actually like you.” “……” “Yes, tacos for dinner is fine.”
When i do need to be punished, He makes it clear that this does not change His feelings and gives me as much time as i need during after care.

i still have no idea what i did to be lucky enough to be His pet, but i will serve Him proudly for the rest of my life.


I am the indefatigable walker Marcher Arrant, armed with my meanstreak which knows no equal! Be you Nietzsche or Rimbaud, bow your head and ask for mercy! I am the dragon from the desert! Who comes from nowhere and leaves no trace! Today I traverse the Pyrenees, tomorrow I trample to dust the Alps!      –A quote I adapted from one of my favorite movies, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. This is from one of my favorite scenes where Jen defeats an entire restaurant full of kung fu masters.

Coming Home

My path of submission is a journey, one that I’ve taken one step at a time. From learning how to give to finding my Master, each step is one more footfall on the path to my destination: to find my place, by my Master’s side, to find my home, and have peace.

Now it is time for one more step on the road. Today I fly out to Sydney, to visit Master and meet my household - my brothers! - for the first time.

I am so excited to be meeting them; and in all aspects we have been brought together with openness and love. I was no secret to my Master’s two other slaves; as soon as he knew a connection was happening, they knew. The honesty in the household is a wonderful thing that has made for a healthy period of getting to know each other online.

My brothers are called Gryph and Dion. They do not seek the public eye, like I have; I will be treading carefully in my blog to keep the harmony of privacy that has been a hallmark of my Master’s household so far. But I hope to at least say, to show, that we all love each other, and love serving my Master.

It’s going to be a fantastic week. Another step closer to coming home at last. 

Thank you for bringing me home, Master. Thank you for giving me a family again.

Originally posted by a-night-in-wonderland

Master wants me to tell everyone why i don’t deserve to cum.
i’m just an object now, my pleasure doesn’t matter.
Orgasms are for men, i am better off being kept needy and painfully aroused at all time so as to better serve my purpose.
Dumb bimbo fucktoys don’t deserve to cum.
If i cum i might start thinking again and i definitely don’t deserve that.
i haven’t had any cum pumped into me yet today so it’s not really an option. If i haven’t been at all useful for cock why should i get to cum?
i’m such a dumb fuckdoll now it’s really for the best that i don’t get to decide when i cum anymore, i would probably spend all my time on the floor drooling and rubbing myself mindlessly.

Birthday Woes
  • Ciel: On this day, December 14, I am constantly reminded of my parents' deaths. Their demise shall forever haunt me to my grave. Along with this occurred the most shame and humiliation I have ever suffered. These two things keep me going-- they are my drive to kill. My revenge shall be swift and merciless. Today more than any other day must I plot the fruition of my hatred, chase after my former oppressors. I will have no part in "enjoying my birthday." I hate the balloons, the presents, the merriment. I will fast from anything unrelated to my revenge.
  • Sebastian: I take it this means no cake then.
  • Soma: *from another room* Ciel's not eating his cake! I call dibs!
  • Ciel: If you lay a FINGER on that cake I'll chop off your hands, bake them into a soufflé, and feed them to the unsuspecting populace-- Don't you DARE TOUCH MY TRIPLE CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!
Serving The One

“What we find in a soul mate is not something wild to tame, but something wild to run with.”

― Robert Brault

In submission, love and service walk hand in hand as companions along the path of the slave. There is no way for a devoted slave to serve without love, and there is no way to feel or express love unless the sub is serving and giving of himself to his Master.

His one, true Master.

For the slave, is his Master always his soul mate? That’s my meditation for today. The idea of a soul mate, that we have one true love and person on this planet meant for us is a very romantic notion. The most romantic. I am a romantic pup. In a relationship, I hone in on the romantic like a tactical guided lovestruck puppy. It is for me the fuel for the spark, the food for the spirit.

A realist knows there can’t be One True Love™ for us all. There are billions of people on the planet, the combinations for relationships and intimacy for any of us are beyond astronomical, especially now with the barriers of distance broken down by technology. It’s easy to find people who share our interests now, to the smallest detail. This common ground is fertile for love to take hold, and frequently does. There can’t be just one person out there for any of us, no one partner, no one Master, right? There must be many.

And yet for all of that reasoning… I just can’t help but give myself over to romance. My heart still believes that when I am collared and taken into service, the one who owns me will be the one, whom I was destined to serve, whom I have been saving myself for, and I will follow him for the rest of my days until my last breath. I know this. I give myself over to it, and hold nothing back in the pursuit of it. Maybe other slaves will understand; maybe a Master will see it in the eyes of those that serve him. But I know, for me, it will always be this way.

Have a great weekend everyone <3

 - Beast.

So everyone is really salty over Shay not having his own book, and don’t get me wrong, so am I, but does Shay seem like the type to actually take a journal seriously? I feel like it would just be
“I fucked a hooker today. That was fun.”
“Master Kenway threw my apple overboard. 0/10 day”
I mean, I want it more because of that…. but I think you can see why Ubisoft wouldn’t want to publish it.