i am not the greatest writer in the world as you can probably tell




Some time ago I had a thought that what if Pyro stuffs soft toys in their boiler suit for whatever reason, maybe to hide their lines, to “feel safe” or something. And—because I love Texas Toast—at some point Engie and Pyro are going to do the do for the first time but being so excited and nervous Pyro forgets to put the toys away.

Then these happened. :’>

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Let’s talk Diana.

People get so riled up over their Best Girls and here I am just shoving more fire into the fire. Gyahahaha!

But that’s not really what this is about. Let’s talk Diana. Because I want to talk Diana.

Her type is always set up to be the haughty snob at first glance.

That’s so fucking good and you know why?

So they can take your first impressions and slap you across the face with them.

Yes, she’s arrogant, self-righteous, a bit pompous and can be quite condescending to those who are less adept than she is. But that’s exactly what makes her so interesting because none of those negative traits can be called shallow and the events in this episode back that up.

Also, it’s pretty clear that she doesn’t exist solely to antagonize the MC over trivial things (for example, elite status) and can definitely hold her own story without being an outright nemesis to the heroine.

That’s what makes her worthy of attention but in a different way than how the central focus is on Akko and her friends.

Already we can blatantly see her flaws which only serve to highlight how complex she is and foretell the character development she will probably undergo throughout the course of the show. Those qualities don’t really harm her or make her intolerable but rather point to the depth and potential expansion of her character.

I mean, firstly, all that composure and confidence had to come from somewhere and voila, they tell us from the get-go.

Diana is descended from a long (damn, 1,500 years long!) line of witches. That means she inherits a big legacy of magical discipline and prestige. Considering the fact that even adult witches sometimes have trouble with certain magic, Diana has even more expectations to live up to because she comes from a highly esteemed family that’s been practicing and improving magic for many, many generations.

Not to mention, she’s been proclaimed in the community as being the “greatest witch since the founding of Luna Nova” so no doubt it’ll be an even greater challenge for her to go beyond what those before her had accomplished.

And not only does she step up to this very daunting task, displaying her skill and talent again and again by casting high level spells here and there and proving that she really is as brilliant as they say she is…

…but she does so without needing anyone’s validation.

As much as her posse endlessly praise her for how awesome and amazing she is, Diana doesn’t need those extra words because she knows she’s perfectly capable of handling anything that comes her way.

That’s not to say she doesn’t let their attention get to her head (c’mon, this definitely happened at one point and is likely still happening, albeit in controlled amounts, as we speak) but Diana is deserving of her pride because she worked hard to cultivate her powers, not because she is a genius.

She’s not good because it’s a “miracle”. She’s good because she earned it.

And there’s no shame in showing that.

However, it’s true that Diana still needs to learn what it means to be humble and realize that she hasn’t mastered everything there is to know about magic yet.

I mean, it’s apparent that she overestimates her own abilities but that’s fine because like I said earlier, she’s set up for that kind of development in the future.

At the very least, even though she’s smug, she isn’t crass. Not like her two “friends” who like to put others down to get the pleasure of feeling superior. That’s probably the biggest reason why they hang around Diana and it just makes me like Diana even more because a person like her would never need to stoop down to their level.

Adding to that, this scene here further proves that Diana is, in fact, not a jerk.

Snooty, yes. But a bitch? Mmm, no, I don’t think so. Not from what we’ve seen of her so far anyway.

It’d be so easy for the writers to turn Diana into a Draco Malfoy-like adversary to oppose Akko but they didn’t. Which is why I love Trigger tremendously for how they presented her character and why I sometimes refer to Diana as the “Draco I always wanted”.

That Diana approached Akko to correct her views on what magic is, not harshly but in a matter-of-factly and politely manner. That she didn’t care whether Akko knew who she was or not but actually remembered that Akko was the new student. That she even took up the offer of referring to Akko by her nickname despite not being friends with her (though that might be due to the concept of keigo getting lost in transition to a non-Japanese environment).

All this is more than enough evidence to crush any ideas that she’s out to bully Akko. It tells us that even if Diana may not be the most amiable person in the world, she is a decent one.

I mean, yea, she was slightly cruel here for disparaging Akko’s idol right in front of her (and hypocritical since Diana was also a fan when she was younger) but it’s not like what she said isn’t true.

Chariot was mostly known for her flashy performances but that seemed to be the extent of her influence in both the witch and human realms. Then she upped one day and vanished.

Chariot did give Akko a dream but it was a kid’s dream and that is not practical in the reality of magic, which entails a lot more complicated topics and study if you are to become a successful witch. Even Chariot had to have gone through tons of practice in order to be as good as she was on stage.

Point is, Diana was trying to warn Akko for her own good even though she didn’t go about the best way of doing it.

It’s certainly one thing for Chariot to do impressive magic but it’s another thing entirely for Akko to attempt to do the same.

Because unlike most of the other students there, Akko has no magical background. She entered the academy with the hopes of living out her fantasies. How is someone who has a low affinity for magic and so impatient to start shooting shiny spells left and right going to fare if she doesn’t learn to apply the basics first?

Badly. Akko or someone else can get seriously hurt if she meddles in things she doesn’t truly comprehend.

That’s why Diana flat out laid this caution onto her. Because magic isn’t all fun and games and lights in the sky. Magic, in the witches’ world, is serious business. And if Akko doesn’t get that through her head to fit somewhere among her fervent adoration for Chariot, then her dream of learning magic will end in vain, the Shiny Rod reacting to her “shinjiru kokoro” be damned.

And that’s… oddly thoughtful of Diana? And responsible as an advanced student as well?

In the same sort of roundabout way she helped plucked that plant off of Akko’s head while trying to show her how magic is actually done in their world. So that Akko is aware, like really aware, of what she’s invested herself in and what the consequences are if she neglects the rules.

Clearly, they’re going to continue to clash over the interpretation of magic but when it comes down to what are established foundations and such, I’m always going to be more inclined towards Diana’s side of the argument.

Because it’s always more reliable to work off of sound theories that have been tested and tested again and provided actual results… than to wait for something that may or may not happen because you went about it based on a whim.

I’m not saying it’s wrong for Akko to believe. I’m just saying this isn’t a mahou shoujo anime. :P

Ah, I strayed off a bit so back to the rest of what I wanted to say.

If the scene in the courtyard wasn’t enough to convince you that Diana isn’t just showing off her magical prowess (because admittedly, yes, she is a bit of a show-off, too, there’s no denying that) then the issue with the Memorial Tree should.

Like any dedicated honors student, it’s expected that Diana would be very involved in the workings of the school. Because the academy is part of her lineage as much as any other witch’s out there so even if nobody asked her to help, she’d still try to find a way to solve the problems the school faces.

Because responsibility.

Diana has been gifted with talent and intellect. If there is anytime to use those, it’s now. Otherwise, it’d be wasted on her.

It’s no wonder why she’s so admired in the witch community. Because she does useful stuff with her magic. And efficiently, too.

Unlike Akko who doesn’t have any particular or specific goals regarding what she wants to do with magic atm, Diana actually has a purpose for hers.

And really, we don’t need to say anymore than that. If you’re good at something, then do something with it. That’s the lesson here. It’s just that simple.

Moving along, what happened after Diana’s spell was cast only further supports just how responsible she is.

Her magic unearthed the parasites so what does she do? Act immediately to counter the new problem.

I really, really like that about her. How she takes magic so seriously, especially when her own magic added to the dilemma. Most people would wait for a teacher to come to fix it. Lesser people would run away because they don’t want to be held accountable.

Not Diana. She’s the one that caused it, even if it was out of the best intentions, so she has to own up to it.

Again, responsibility.

And then there’s this part.

A reminder that nobody (besides Ursula) could’ve known that those were Papillodya chrysalises (well duh, no one has seen one because they only appear every 120 years after all) and it was just a very plot-convenient coincidence that Akko happened to guess correctly at what they are right after relooking through her collectable cards that day.

That aside, nobody is in the wrong here. Diana was pressed for time so it wasn’t like she had the leisure of hearing Akko out. Honestly, who would in that sort of situation? Moreover, who would really believe her?

But she still expressed shock and worry when Akko took the brunt of her spell. Even though it was Akko’s own fault for not thinking first and jumping out to block the hit, Diana obviously feels bad that her magic still hurt her.

Again, proof that Diana is not a jerk. She does care because she is a decent person.

And when it came down to using the right spell, Diana took a step back to let Akko handle it.

What’s more is that she aided Akko in the proper pronunciation of the spell and Akko thanked Diana.

Quite often you’d expect the prideful characters to want to do everything themselves. Try to butt out their rivals and prove they’re better that sort of thing because that’s the pattern of behavior for those kind of archetypes.

Except that didn’t happen here. Like not even the tiniest suggestion that it could’ve gone that way.

Diana’s got her priorities straight. She’s not thinking of wanting to claim credit or how it will affect her sense of worth if she allowed Akko to resolve this issue. She’s not thinking of questioning whether the Shiny Rod will actually work. That’s not important. What’s important is to prevent this mess from becoming any bigger than it is right then.

Like…wow. It shouldn’t be extraordinary for someone to behave so rationally and cooperatively but it is a little for me because the works I go through often has that bad tendency to go in a crazier direction over some very dumb, contrived reason when it’d be easier to do it the straightforward way.

Anyways, to finish this off, after the matter is settled, Diana tries to protest that the removal of the chrysalises were her doing.

Again, a much lesser person would be tempted to lie and save their own reputation but Diana’s troubled reaction to the staff’s insistence that nobody else but her could’ve done it illustrates that she’s not like that. She knows that it was thanks to Akko that the tree was revitalized and therefore, can’t possibly accept acknowledgement that doesn’t belong to her.

Diana is a person of integrity and if I didn’t love her before, I certainly do now because I value integrity so much that it probably ranks at the top on my list of virtues.

So as you can see, it’s because Diana is such a mixture of so many traits including pride, dignity, responsibility, seriousness, honesty (to name a few) that they all come to nicely clash and conflict inside her, pushing her towards the changes we can anticipate for her.

And this is a sure sign as anything that the development process has already begun.

She saw with her own eyes the effectiveness of the Shiny Rod, which disproves her statement that there never was any significance behind Chariot’s magic. However, that doesn’t mean she’s ready to accept it. Not after all that training she must have gone through to drill those childish thoughts out of her head so that she can fully set out to become a proper witch. Which is why she’s hesitant to mention Akko despite what the professors say about her being the “pride of Luna Nova”.

That is sooooo good, this introduction of doubt. Question it, Diana. Continue to ask as many times as it will take because it can only lead you to becoming a better witch and above all, develop into an even greater character.

With that, I suspect Diana won’t be making any major appearances for a while since Akko’s team has a little more world exploring to do and the plot around Chariot needs the time for more exposition.

But I just want others to, well, not really know but rather discuss with me that Diana isn’t so much a rival to Akko (right now) as she is her foil and vice versa. And I think that contrast between them is far more interesting than a direct competitive relationship. They can still argue, they don’t have to be friends but they don’t have to hate each other to contribute to each other’s growth. Akko can benefit from actually studying magical theory and progressing towards her goal that way while Diana can gradually relax her stiff posture to look beyond her scientific, analytical methods and realize even more potential in herself.

At least that’s what I hope will happen.

Tl;dr: I lied. This is about Best Girl. Diana is Best Girl. Fight me. (ง'̀-‘́)ง

Why I Fucking Love Noel Gallagher Masterpost

Okay so this is a post mostly for myself but for all Noel lovers as well and hopefully also for the Noel haters out there who made me create this list in the first place *cough* Lydia and Tris *cough* to convince them to rethink their view on this genius. It’s all my personal and subjective opinions so don’t feel offended if you don’t agree with it. If the links don’t work/the videos got taken down then tell me, I have them all saved.

First of aaaalll Noel gives the funniest interviews, he is quick-witted and you can see that he doesn’t have to try to be funny, it just comes natural and that is something I really appreciate; he can entertain people without showing that he tries to be funny – he just is. Because of that he also got this award from the Rolling Stone:

Noel Gallagher Accepts Rolling Stone Award for ‘Best Rock Interview’

And I added some of the interviews I like the most here:

Oasis, Noel Interview on French TV, 1994

Noel Gallagher on TFI FRIDAY part 1

Noel Gallagher on TFI FRIDAY part 2

Noel Gallagher (Interview on The Jonathan Ross Show - 2011-10-21)

“That jacket’s life has been ruined” Noel Gallagher’s Interview in Seoul, Korea

Noel Gallagher Interview + 'Riverman’ (Alan Carr: Chatty Man) 1st May 2015

A special video that is probably my favourite Noel video ever is this one cause Noel is a grumpy man, yes, but in this vid you can see that he is super relaxed and comfortable and jokes around and laughs a lot and just overall has lots of fun and a happy Noel means a happy me so yeah, this one is a gem:

Noel Gallagher & Matt Morgan Fan Q&A Webcast

And he has the absolute talent of a radio host; I would listen to the Noel Gallagher show all day if it was a regular show:

The Downside Of Smoking Pot

The Noel Gallagher & Matt Morgan Show | Radio 2

The Noel Gallagher Show on Absolute Radio (Ft. Matt Morgan) - Feb 15th 2016

Then this is a must to watch as well cause it is hilarious; Noel commenting on all the Oasis music videos (it also made me check out Pete Doherty cause he mentioned his name in it somewhere during the video of All Around The World and yeah now I’m a huge Pete fan so I kind of owe him):

Noel Gallagher’s Oasis DVD commentary highlights

So and now let’s get to the music for…obvious reasons so first of all Noel did so much for Oasis; I don’t mean only as the main songwriter but also because of his commitment to the music and the band and you can see this well in this interview here, where he argues with Liam and it shows the difference between those two:

Oasis - Wibbling Rivalry (with transcript ½)

Oasis - Wibbling Rivalry (with transcript 2/2)

There are some amazing gigs he did without Liam there and did them brilliantly:

MTV Unplugged (1996) Oasis

OASIS: Noel Gets To The Point Dublin (05/12/1997)
Oasis - Live Noel Gallager and Gem Cabaret Sauvage, Paris, Full Concert

Focusing on some songs from the set at the Cabaret Sauvage, I want to say that Noel nailed these songs normally sung by Liam and in my opinion gave them more heart and soul than Liam ever did:

Noel Gallagher - Wonderwall (Acoustic) [Sitting Here in Silence] HD

Noel Gallagher - Slide Away (Live)

He gave them a whole new feeling that, honestly, fits their lyrics better this way than how Liam sang them. His voice carries much more feeling and this applies to other songs normally sung by Liam as well:

Noel Gallagher - Live Forever Acoustic (BEST VER.)

Oasis - Hey Now Demo version

He also always surprises with changing the whole atmosphere of the song by some simple changes (which also applies to Slide Away at the Cabaret Sauvage), my favourite example being this:

Noel Gallaghers High Flying Birds Supersonic International Magic Live At The O2 2012 1080p

Noel just is a musical genius and has been for such a long time, I’m also absolutely in love with his early demos and would love to hear them recorded properly nowadays:

COMPLETE Noel Gallagher Solo Demo Tape 1989

Noel may not always smile on pics with his fans or talk much to them (come on, he is 50 now and probably tired of this hustle and bustle and it just isn’t his world to interact with strangers) but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love and appreciate them and he actually did this:

Luckiest Oasis Fan Ever?

And then there are some versions/demos of songs I absolutely adore and choose over the album versions and those are it:

Oasis - Sunday Morning Call (lyrics)

+ the demo version of The Dying Of The Light and I don’t mean this sound check version that has been on Youtube for years, I mean the official demo but that got taken down apparently, I’m so glad I saved it before that happened though I can’t add an audio here so I’ll do that seperately

Noel also definitely doesn’t need Liam or Oasis to make amazing music, just listen to his solo albums that I won’t add links of here, go search for them yourself and better buy them as well, he’ll be thankful for that.

And then there are some absolutely hilarious quotes by the chief (sorry if any of them aren’t actually by him? I saved those years ago and didn’t copy the source so I don’t guarantee for the correctness):

About Liam:
-„He’s rude, arrogant, intimidating and lazy. He’s the angriest man you’ll ever meet. He’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup.”
-“Sure I love Liam, but not as much as I love Pot Noodles.”
-“Deep down inside even he is a nice guy. Both of him.”
-“If Liam doesn’t like a song, he doesn’t sing it, it’s as simple as that. Or if something’s more interesting going on, like a pub crawl, then he won’t do it. Bless him. Lager before music.“
-“If I lived in America, I would have blown his head off by now and completely regretted it. Since I live in England, though, I just give him a black eye or something every now and again. I don’t hate him, but fuck me, he pisses me off sometimes.”
-“If I was a teenage girl, I’d think, Fuck me, he’s really good looking. If I was a teenage boy, I’d think, If that cunt can do it, then there’s hope for us all. But I don’t understand why he appeals to me. Because he pisses me off.”
-“I love the geezer. I love him. And I don’t say that just because he’s my brother. He makes me laugh. He’s so surreal.”
-“Liam only has two problems – everything he fucking says and everything he fucking does.”
-„Falls ich vor ihm sterben sollte, werde ich an der Himmelspforte auf ihn warten und dafür sorgen, dass sie ihn nicht reinlassen.“ (if I die before him, I’ll wait outside of heaven for him and make sure he doesn’t get in)
-“I owe my whole career to this guy.”
-“Liam is a songwriting genius. His songs make me cry ’cause they are better than mine.”
-“My whole world came crashing down on me then. If it hadn’t have been for Liam’s support I don’t know what I’d have done. This is my little brother, who I look after, putting his arm around me, saying ‘It’ll be all right man.’ But I don’t think people will ever forgive me for it.”(Noel concerning his comment on Blur and Aids)

About anything else:
-“It’s a human playing a tree. Three chords on a guitar: now write a song. I only know 11! But I tell you what, God help you when I find the 12th!” (on playing guitar)
-“Who wants to be anonymous anyway? I was anonymous for 24 fucking years anyway.”
-“You’re asking if I’m happy? I’ve got 87 million in the bank, I’ve got a Rolls Royce, I’ve got 3 stalkers, I’m about to go on the board at Manchester City, I’m part of the greatest band in the world. Am I happy with that? No, I’m not! I want more!”
-“You pick up your guitar, rip a few people’s tunes off, swap them around a bit, get your brother in the band, punch his head in every now and again, and it sells.”
-„We’re not arrogant, we just think we’re the best band in the world.“
“Americans are crazy. They have this fascination with throwing their shoes on stage. I’ve been to a lot shows in my life, some good and some bad. But I was never moved to take off my shoes and throw it at the lead singer.”
-“Someone was playing a joke when they made me, you know, 'Let’s make this guy a writer and a guitar player, but let’s make him write with his left hand but play with his right, and let’s have him born in the middle of May and give him a Christmas name like Noel, and let’s make him a dodgy, schizophrenic, two-faced Gemini.’ Cheers!”
-“I can run around naked with a toothbrush stuck up my arse - it’s my house”.
-“Don’t lay a finger on my eyebrows or I’ll sue you fuckers.”
-“Shit’ll happen when shit happens, and if shit don’t happen, there’ll be no shit happening.”
-“I’d ban all state laws and just have one law: smoke where you want, drink where you want, whenever you want. Get the age of consent right down, legalize all drugs. Kill all the people who like Grunge music, Kill all the surfboarders. Generally have a good time and anybody who wears a cowboy hat should go to the electric chair.” (if he reigned the USA)
-“I came up with the greatest excuse one day. It was actually my crowning moment as a liar. I used to spend a lot of time in my bedroom, playing guitar. I went to the shops for my mum, and I come back and she’s found a bag of hash in my sock drawer, a big block of draw. So she says, 'I’ve just found this upstairs.’ And right off the top of my head I went, 'Ah, well, you see, what that’s for is wiping the strings on my guitar.’ I said, 'Violin players use them.’ And she said, 'Oh really?’ And I went, 'Yeah, look,’ and I got my guitar and rubbed all my strings with pot: 'It makes them sound better.’ And she says, ’ It does sound right an’ all; it does sound better.’ And I went upstairs and thought, 'You’re a fucking genius.’”
-“Taking drugs is like getting up and having a cup of tea in the morning.”
-Noel: “Ich habe 107 Gitarren, 200 Paar Schuhe, 4 Autos…” Spiegel: “…aber sie haben doch nicht einmal den Führerschein, oder?” Noel: “Na und? Ich habe auch einen Super-Pool und kann nicht schwimmen.” (I have 107 guitars, 200 pairs of shoes, 4 cars… - but you don’t have a license, do you? – no but I also have a super pool and can’t swim)
-“Why would I join facebook? I only have six friends and I’m trying to get rid of one of them.”
-“I don’t want people watching me and thinking “I could do that”. I want them thinking they could never do that.”
-“I do all the work so it’s only right that I should get the most money. Plus I am the most handsome.”
-“Next year I hope to get a stalker or two because I don’t believe you’ve arrived until you get a stalker.”
-“I’m not like John Lennon, who thought he was the great Almighty. I just think I’m John Lennon.”
-“I’m a songwriter because I’m no good at anything else and it pays well”
-“I can’t walk straight, let alone drive a car.”
-“You can’t get bored of 15,000 people shouting for 'Wonderwall’. That’s better than drugs. You get a hard-on when you hear that.”
-"I wasn’t put on this earth to amass money or personal wealth. I was put on this earth to play guitar and write songs.”
-“We like annoying people. It’s a Manchester thing. It’s a trait. We just like pissing people off.”

And now have some cute Noel gifs/pics to end this:

Of course there is much more I could add to that list but I couldn’t find everything on the Internet again so feel free to add something if you can and tell me where I can find certain videos if you have them (for example the video of Noel at some party and he finds everything “rubbish” and at the end of the video he calls the party “mega” and the interviewer concludes “we got from rubbish to mega in the sip of a drink”; I think that got taken down?? Tell me, guys)

anonymous asked:

do you have any advice for someone who wants to start writing fanfiction?? thank you for any help!!!!

Whether you want to write fanfiction, original fiction, nonfiction, or just really kick-ass tumblr posts, my advice is all the same–write. The more you write, the better you will get.

Write for an audience. Notice what people respond to. Notice what gets left behind.

Write tumblr posts. Write drabbles. Write one-shots. Just write.

Make friends who write. Friends who don’t say, “you’re doing what right now?” Friends who you can play writing games with. Friends who will beg you for your next chapter. Friends who will tell you that that one rude comment on AO3 is uncalled for and tell you to keep going because look at all the people who are reading it. Make ride-or-die friends and pass stuff back and forth.

Read. Read lots of everything. Read things that are popular. Read things that nobody else is seeing. Read beautiful things fifty times–once to appreciate it, twice to love it, times three through seventeen to take it apart and see what ticks. Read it the eighteenth time for the joy of reading it again. On reads nineteen through thirty-two pay attention to a different aspect every time–a character, a subplot, a repeated motif. Read it the thirty-third time to find the thing you hadn’t noticed on your prior thirty-two reads. Then read it over. Come back to the beautiful things; memorize the sentence structure, the way that plots build or that arguments are structured, and work up from there until you understand how to make that beauty yours.

Read things that are terrible and mock them with your friends. Tear them to pieces so that you’ll never make the same mistakes. Ask yourself how you’d fix them, if you had to, because someday you will write something terrible and you’ll have to fix it.

Live. Writing is about communicating truth, and so try to experience as much truth as possible. When you experience a perfect moment, take time to stop and really let yourself experience it. What are the physical sensations you experience when you go to a concert and hear a song you love played live for the first time, surrounded by hundreds of others who feel it? Experience the imperfect, too. Where in your body do you store shock? Hatred? Sadness? Pain? Why did you get mad at that person the other day? What would you do differently?

Learn. Even if you’re not writing fantasy, your job is to make your reader believe your world exists. The more you know about how the world works, the better a job you will do at this. If you want to write a world that feels like it’s bigger than just what you see on the page, take the time to understand this world and how it ticks.

Part of being a writer is to learn to be hard and cruel. To say, “this is good, but it is not good enough, and I am going to have to burn it to the ground and redo it.” You have to tell yourself that this thing here doesn’t stand out, this part here is too slow, these motivations don’t make sense, why didn’t he just call, what am I doing, everyone knows you don’t go down into the basement, why is she going in the basement? Can I make this story work if she doesn’t go in the basement?

But be gentle with yourself, too. Learn to step back. Learn when it’s time to be hard and learn when it’s time to be soft. On the days that are hard (and there will be hard days), remind yourself that you got out of bed and you took a shower and you took your meds and you put on pants and yeah you stared at your screen for hours, but look at you, you irrepressible thing-doer, you.

On the days when you don’t get out of bed? Be even more gentle. Here you are, still existing in this world, and anyone who has been here long enough knows that continuing to exist is the greatest achievement of them all. Most of the planets in this solar system don’t even have intelligent life, so look at you, you giant masterpiece of physics and biology, neurons firing, lungs working. You’re here. You’re existing. You’re doing great.

My last piece of advice is this–if anything on here sounds fishy to you, say, “fuck this shit” and do it your own way. Since the invention of writing, millions of people have become writers in some sense of the word. Every single one of them had their own path towards becoming a writer. There is no right way to do this, and there is no wrong way. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying or unable to see the truth.

Whatever anyone else says, you’re going to get your own path. Good luck.

So I have a habit of livetexting everything I read/watch to the person who got me into it, and it's generally regarded as quite amusing. My dear friend Mycroft recently got me into Young Wizards, and he suggested that I put one of my livetexts up on Tumblr as my introduction into the fandom. So here goes "Iago reads High Wizardry" (lightly edited to make reading easier).
  • Iago: *picks up High Wizardry* Here we go.
  • Iago: Oh god. Setting up a computer in the nineties. This should be fun.
  • Iago: Dari wearing a Star Wars shirt makes me incredibly happy.
  • Iago: Nita's parents affronted by the fact that Dari can set up the computer without instructions is just perfect.
  • Mycroft: Dairine is the best Star Wars nerd.
  • Iago: She also likes X-Men, which is perfect.
  • Iago: "The sure way to make the world work for you was to know everything. Dairine sat home and busied herself with conquering the world." New favorite character? I think so.
  • Mycroft: I think she became like half the fandom's favorite character at that exact moment. Myself included--I can definitely relate.
  • Iago: *laughs* At least I'm in good company, then.
  • Iago: I hope Dari eventually conquers the world. We couldn't have a better ruler.
  • Mycroft: Amen to THAT.
  • Iago: Oh sweet lord Dari took the Oath we're all toast.
  • Iago: Dari with a lightsaber is a terrifying thought.
  • Iago: Dari's going to have an affinity for computer systems, isn't she?
  • Iago: Awwwww, Nita's upset that Kit didn't notice her new boobs!
  • Mycroft: Also consider this- since Dari took the Oath, she could probably make a lighsaber out of wizardry if she really wanted.
  • Iago: Oh sweet minty Jesus we're fucked.
  • Iago: Oh look, Dari's created a second computer.
  • Mycroft: It's always good to have backups...
  • Iago: It's her Wizard's manual, isn't it?
  • Mycroft: I'm saying nothingggggg.
  • Iago: It's totally her manual. It's fucking taking her to Mars as we speak,
  • Mycroft: Okay yes. That is a thing.
  • Iago: Obviously that means she has an affinity for computers. I'm a writer. i know these things.
  • Iago: It also means that she might have and easier time with wizardry that Kit and Nita, because she just has to command the computer.
  • Mycroft: Brace yourself for the "computer wizard" puns. They're gonna happen.
  • Iago: YUS
  • Iago: How convenient is it that two of the *four* North American Senior Wizards live within relative spitting distance of our main characters?
  • Iago: Wait, puberty gives you more power? Fuck, why wasn't *I* a wizard? That could have made things a hell of a lot easier.
  • Iago: Souls are one to a customer *on this planet*? The hell does that mean?
  • Mycroft: It's a big, weird Universe out there...
  • Iago: Fair play to you.
  • Iago: Ah, the trouble with going to a place about which you know nothing: you find yourself talking to the luggage. I wouldn't be surprised if, at some point, Dari used the wrong verbs and ended up kissing a complete stranger.
  • Iago: Ah, planet-hopping youth. Always expecting something they're familiar with, when someone more experienced would know not to expect anything.
  • Iago: "Tentacled" being used as a way to describe how people get around brings me much joy.
  • Mycroft: SAME. Also, welcome to the Crossings. You'll be seeing a lot of it.
  • Iago: Oh boy. That sounds ominous.
  • Mycroft: Well, I mean it's a popular travel hub.
  • Iago: Fair enough.
  • Iago: Oh my god are those actually dinosaurs.
  • Iago: Holy shit it's like a bloodhound but it's a dinosaur yes good I approve of this.
  • Iago: Oh shit, now she's covering her trail. How the hell are Kit and Nita going to fin her
  • Iago: God, this galaxy sounds beautiful.
  • Iago: Kit and Nita in a "permanent partnership". *waggles eyebrows*
  • Mycroft: INDEED.
  • Mycroft: They're so adorably awkward.
  • Iago: Especially at thirteen and fourteen. This is perfect.
  • Iago: And we're back to Nita considering asking Kit what he thinks about "things".
  • Mycroft: Bless her beautiful relatable awkwardness.
  • Iago: Yes, Tom, tell the magical children to go to major law enforcement authorities. That can't possibly backfire in your face.
  • Iago: planet-sized computer chip = yes good.
  • Mycroft: Wasn't it terrifying when Dairine thought she'd fried her Manual. Stranded in the middle of a distant unexplored planet is not the greatest time for that.
  • Iago: It was too far from the end of the book for her to be dead just yet.
  • Iago: Ah! She's teaching it and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.
  • Iago: Oo! Dairine's manual is learning, too!
  • Iago: Oh god is she going to make the planet a wizard
  • Mycroft: ...MAYBE
  • Iago: Goody.
  • Mycroft: By the way, you didn't say anything about the Doctor's cameo...
  • Iago: Oh, of *course* that was him. I was wondering why he felt familiar. Which incarnation was that supposed to be?
  • Mycroft: Five. He's Diane Duane's favorite.
  • Iago: Ahhhh. Makes sense why I didn't quite catch it, then. I've never seen a Five story, and I really know very little about him.
  • Iago: oh god it was a *birthing* room?
  • Iago: "Kit, I didn't do it for you 'some'. I did it for you 'pretty much'."
  • Mycroft: YES GOOD JOIN US
  • Iago: Also, That Fucker just blew up a star to kill Kit and Nita. How rude.
  • Mycroftt: Are we calling the Lone Power That Fucker now because I totally approve
  • Iago: We totally can. I figured that capitalizing the first letters of any creative epithet I come up with would get the point across.
  • Mycroft: And it totally did.
  • Iago: Aw, Dairine's making friends with the circuit turtles!
  • Mycroft: With!
  • Iago: Is that its name?
  • Iago: Apparently not. Too bad, that would have been cute.
  • Iago: Gigo's nice, too, though
  • Iago: Mycroft I want a circuit turtle
  • Iago: Oh my god Dairine has just created a new race.
  • Mycroft: YUP
  • Iago: Good lord she *could* take over the world.
  • Mycroft: I would probably support this.
  • Iago: We wouldn't be able to stop her. We probably wouldn't *want* to stop her.
  • Iago: Oh dear god the circuit turtles are going to take over the Universe
  • Mycroft: I think it's more like... reprogramming
  • Iago: They're going to remake the whole damn thing!
  • Iago: I legitimately do not know what the Lone Asshat wants from this encounter.
  • Iago: Oh my god Dari has just used one of my favorite lines.
  • Iago: "You're so full of it that if you had eyes, they'd be brown."
  • Iago: Ah, mental contact. Solves everyone's problems
  • Iago: *flailing* Dari!
  • Iago: Nita and Kit showed up in the nick of time, and honest to god I was waiting for a, "Surprise, bitch."
  • Iago: "One might be intending to cripple or destroy that Power, but there was no need to be rude about it."
  • Iago: AND WHY NOT
  • Iago: RUDE IS FUN
  • Iago: PEACH
  • Iago: *incoherent shrieking*
My 5 Favorite Movies

As payment for the lovely Patreon contribution of Alice, I agreed to provide a list of my top 5 favorite movies (horror or not) and whatever film quotes I remember that I love. So, here we are:

5.  Kill Bill (Yes, Both Parts)

Any real fan of Quentin Tarantino knows that Kill Bill is not two movies–it is one movie, split into parts because that’s how the studio wanted to deliver it. Don’t say you don’t like part two as much as part one; Kill Bill is one movie. 

Why is this on my list? To tell you the truth, it doesn’t really seem to make sense considering who I am and what I do… except that it 100% is a Nick Nocturne kind of film.

There are no major psychological mystery elements, there’s no major abstract symbolism to decode or puzzle to break, and while the story of Kill Bill is horrifying, it’s not strictly horror.

And yet, Kill Bill is extremely valuable to me. So much so that I have the physical DVD copies of both parts and my own Hanzo sword replica, given to me during a past Christmas from someone who knew me better than I had realized up until that point.

Quentin Tarantino is a role model for me and anyone who believes in the Night Mind mission statement. An independent creator who taught himself, did his own work, and fought his way into the industry on his own terms making original work that challenged the field and broke the mold, Quentin Tarantino is revered for a very good reason. He told us unique, engaging stories that spoke to him and never bowed to the entertainment field’s requests to make “more of what sold last summer.” 

Kill Bill is probably the bravest, boldest movie Quentin Tarantino could have ever made before Django Unchained, and I don’t think anyone else could have ever gotten away with doing this. Outrageously violent, over-the-top action sequences, and oozing with charisma that’s equally cool and absurd, this world doesn’t follow cinema rules of the time it came out. Kill Bill stands alone, much like The Bride herself, and it takes no prisoners.

And the story? That awesome story! You cannot get a more badass, engaging revenge tale than the bloody path of The Bride. And let’s face it: you never, ever imagined a movie involving a woman punching her way out of a coffin, did you? And you probably never expected to enjoy seeing that as much as you did.

4 - Trick ‘r Treat

Let’s get something straight here, mmkay?

Michael Dougherty is brilliant and cannot make a bad movie.

Trick ‘r Treat is one of the best Halloween movies I’ve ever seen. I love it so much, it shares the same treatment I gave Kill Bill–I have the DVD, and I bought a Sam Hain Pop Vinyl figure. If I can get more Sam stuff while browsing geek merchandise stores, I absolutely will.

A short story collection horror movie on Halloween that feels like Halloween and celebrates a bunch of different Halloween monster and horror characters and situations is so valuable. I enjoy every aspect of this movie, and it just keeps surprising you. It’s fresh, it’s exciting, it’s fun, it’s disturbing, and it just brings so many different pieces of what Halloween is for people into one film. And like Quentin Tarantino, Michael Dougherty kind of had to fight his way into the field, too. 

Trick ‘r Treat began its life as an animated short film by Micahel Dougherty in 1996 called “Season’s Greetings.” It was a traditional animation by the actual director and writer! And he had to hold onto his idea for about ten years before he could make it. The film was was originally intended for wide release in theaters in October of 2007, but got pushed off the theatrical release plans for that year and sat in limbo. Trick ‘r Treat was only given screenings at festivals after this and, after buzz was created on the festival circuit, it was given a DVD & Blu-Ray release in 2009. 

Michael Dougherty waited about ten years to make his idea into the movie. And then it took another two years for a wide audience to actually see it.

But now, Dougherty’s having the last laugh—Trick ‘r Treat is a cult classic with so much love and merchandising success behind it that he was given the power to make Krampus, a movie I gave my first glowing review for on the channel last year. I even bought the DVD this year and watched it again on December 23rd.

3- The Matrix

The Matrix was the first film I ever saw that really opened up my mind and shocked me with ideas and imagination. It’s not just a sci-fi action movie, it’s a classic and potent revelation film.

The entire idea of the Matrix is shocking, startling, and so enticing to explore. Conspiracies, secret societies, breaking cages around the mind built by the world–this movie will do so much for you.

Again, you can make jokes about my reverence for his movie like you might with my respect for the quotes of Tyler Durden, but movies like The Matrix become huge success stories and stay in the public consciousness for years for major reasons. This is a movie that opens up your mind to see so much more than meets the eye and really think about a lot of things.

2 - The Wall (Pink Floyd)

The greatest tragedy of Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” is that not many people know this movie exists. Before I found David Lynch, before I found Donnie Darko, before all of other movies I can call Night Mind material, there was The Wall.

I can never properly express how much love I have for the entire creation of Pink Floyd’s The Wall. The album, the movie, the concert, the concept… this is a piece of my heart.

You want to talk about an abstract, surrealist art film that gets under your skin and generates a form of empathy you’ve never felt? This movie will do that. It’s tough for people who can’t even fully get into David Lynch’s more accessible stuff, but for those who know how to walk through the weird side of film, this movie will do incredible things to you.

Taken entirely from the perspective of a rock star character named Pink Floyd, we explore the inner thoughts, feelings, and guarded memories in the brain of a superstar musician who stumbled his way into fame after a life of suffering, loneliness, and disconnection with human beings. If you ever wanted to dive headfirst into the psyche of a troubled celebrity with a major artistic bend, this is your chance. And it is, of course, all set to the awesome music of the classic concept album.

If I were going to hand you guys an official Night Mind challenge, it would be tackling The Wall and coming back to explain it to me. If I’ve managed to teach you guys anything at all through my investigation methods and explanations, you’ll be able to show me the result by interpreting this masterpiece.

1- Mulholland Drive

How did I react after watching Mulholland Drive for the first time?

I did something I never do after watching a movie:

I thought to myself, very seriously, “I think I finally watched a perfect movie.”

And that feeling has never left me.

Mulholland Drive is the most accessible David Lynch property besides Twin Peaks. If you watch it, you’ll understand it, even if you don’t fully get it. If you pay attention watching the movie and feel what’s coming across, even if you have no idea what the ending actually was or what it meant, you’ll still understand perfectly what it’s trying to convey, and that’s a flawless victory for a David Lynch piece.

I’ll warn you now: if you watch this movie, it’s going to hurt you. It will do things to you that you don’t expect. Watch it alone if you can, and watch it entirely, seriously, with full focus and an isolated atmosphere. Don’t let anything get in the way of your experience or interrupt your viewing.

Like The Wall, this is a Night Mind challenge movie. And like The Wall, it’s not an emotionally or mentally easy piece to experience. But if you want to inject art straight into your brain and give yourself emotional heart palpitations, this is the film for you.

And yes, it’s a puzzlebox, because it is a David Lynch piece. But even without putting all the pieces together, you’ll see enough of the picture to feel the weight of what it represents. 

If you’re a crying kind of person when it comes to certain movies, then get the tissues ready and a pillow. Hold on tight.

Mulholland Drive is an important film–one of the most important films I’ve ever seen. And after seeing Eraserhead as my introduction to David Lynch, which pissed me off entirely and made me think Lynch was just some overly artsy hack, Mulholland Drive made me fall in love with the man’s brain and revere him.

Hate and laughter against a director to love and ultimate respect in a single movie–that’s the power of Mulholland Drive.


And those are my top five! I have a lot more movies I love and respect, but these are the ones I feel deserve to be shared and given their positions here.

And… wow, I’m seriously bad at thinking of quotes. I’m sorry, haha. Hope the list suffices!

Hamilton Fic: What happened in Broadway

Author’s note: heyyyy there!! I’m a new blog here in tumblr and I am very excited to post my first hamilton fic!!! Just a few warnings: some grammar may be bad, the writing itself is not amazing since I’m not a professional writer so please keep that in mind. This fic is an idea I spontaneously had so I don’t know if there’s going to be any pairings, so don’t search for daveed x reader or similars because there’s none (by now, they’ll probably be) It’s just an original idea of mine. So yup! enjoy! (And be kind about it plsss!!!)

Words: 1,654

Prompt: you just got in the Hamilton cast!! Quickly, pack your stuff, you’re starting next week! A dream come true. You’re going to be in the greatest city in the world!

Warnings: none

| Chapter 2 |  | Chapter 3 |


Chapter One: Greatest City in the world

I could not believe what just happened.

“You got in!” — my friends cheered loudly. — “You’re going to New York!”

I was going to be a part of Hamilton! My career had just started and I was already at the top. How could this possibly be? How could I be so lucky? I guess all the years of theatre and working hard had been worth it.

I stood froze for what might’ve been a solid 30 seconds.

“(Y/N) (Y/SN)? Are you still there?”

My friends looked at me excitedly and gestured me to come back to reality and answer the phone.

“Y-yeah, I’m sorry. I was just shocked. Um-”
“You are starting next week and we need you to be here by wednesday. We can help you get an apartment in the city. I remind you you principally have a 6 month contract which of course can be extended if you work hard. We’ll send you a message as soon as we can to give you the details of the flight. Congratulations once again.”
“Uh, thanks.”— I managed to say before the person on the other side hung up.

I looked over at my friends once again. I noticed the tears from happiness forming in my eyes, and they started cheering as loud as they could again, hugging me as hard as possible.

This was happening. My dream had come true.

Keep reading


Ok. It’s been about a week. The long and the short of it? I don’t really feel anything. What does that mean exactly? I have no idea. I thought for sure I’d have a mental breakdown by now. I even shuffled around my calendar to allow time for it to happen. Maybe a decade plus of dealing with my many particular idiosyncrasies (addictions and disorders) have finally landed me in that constant zen-like state I so desperately craved. Or maybe I’m in serious denial. Or maybe this is a perfectly acceptable way to feel: Not feeling. I don’t know.

I used to joke with Josh all the time that I could take or leave the band. I was very “whatever” about it. Perhaps the word is: Flippant. It would enrage him. Makes sense seeing as he was the guy who did literally all of the behind the scenes work for the band, in addition to being one hell of a writer. If I remember correctly (and don’t believe a word of anything I try to recall from memory) this mentality continued through at least the first two MCS records, if not the third. Somewhere around 2010 I finally started to refer to myself as a Musician on those entrance and exit cards while traveling abroad, instead of: “Failed Filmmaker.”

I love writing songs. Even more than that I love telling stories. Even more than that I love having an idea, discovering where it starts and ends, and then figuring out how to string it all together. Often times the story shifts on you and refuses to go where you want it to. That’s when you really have to get creative. But it all takes time. Time alone. Alone in a room. A place of your design. Alone with your thoughts and anti-thoughts. Alone in silence and song. It’s almost meditative for me. I listen to the same parts of the demo over and over and over… And I just throw shit at the wall until something sticks (figuratively). But I love this time alone, being frustrated and unable to figure it out… Until eventually I do.

Apologies if this is fragmented. My mind feels fragmented. I feel at any given minute I might explode into a million little pieces. But I know that’s not going to happen. I think it is just me being aware of my anxieties and acknowledging them and then quickly moving on.

What is the point of this? I am not absolutely certain. But I think it starts with me vomiting out all my current thoughts and not-thoughts for any of you who dig reading the thoughts or not-thoughts of someone like me. I’m trying to get better at spontaneity and imperfection. So I’m not going to rewrite this. I’m just going to let it all spill out.

Performing on stage has never been a fully enjoyable experience for me. I’m too in my head to enjoy it like most people claim to. I never seem to have enough of a voice to sing the way I wish I could, and I cannot seem to remember guitar parts or words to my own songs if I go more than a week without playing them. I’m constantly shifting the way I do things while I’m doing them, based on what just happened or didn’t just happen on the last verse, chorus, song, etc… I really wish I could just play and sing without having to do crazy math equations in my head, and just look into the audience and make connections with people in the moment. But instead I am made up of equal parts fear and anxiety, masquerading as someone who is 100% chill and appears to have it totally together.

As I reread everything I’ve just written, I think to myself, “this guys sucks.” I don’t mean to come off as an ungrateful prick who is complaining about getting to play music for nearly 15 years FOR A LIVING. I mean just the opposite of that. And I’ll try to get to it now.

It’s no secret I don’t have the greatest image of myself (I mean, jesus, just listen to the words of any of our songs.) And I have no idea why that is. My parents were wonderful. I had a great childhood. High school both sucked and didn’t suck, but for the most part I have NOTHING to complain about. Yet, somehow I felt broken. And for a while that really messed me up. I thought there was something wrong with me and it sort of fed into this cycle of self-defeating behavior. Alcohol seemed to work for a while. It worked through the writing of the first album for sure. I continued to struggle with both alcohol and myself for two to three more records.

Eventually I accepted EVERYTHING sometime around 2011. Things were very dark though. I was obsessed with death and felt like I wasn’t in my body. That probably sounds weird. What I mean is, I felt as though I were floating through life, almost watching my life through my eyes as though it were someone else’s, like a film or something. Also, it felt like the colors of the world were brighter and each breath I took contained more oxygen than normal. It’s hard to explain… And now I kind of wished I hadn’t tried to. I sound like a lunatic.

It wasn’t until we started writing and recording Panic Stations that I finally found I could revisit old feelings and scenes from my life without being too affected by them. I had been working at this thing (Sobriety, Living in the moment, Self-love, Not being an asshole, etc…) for years and it was finally paying off. I had become an almost complete person. Hell, ten years ago I was playing a show in Scotland and messed up and started crying on stage. CRYING. In the middle of the set. The last few years I started screwing up left and right and was able to finally shake it off and start over (mentally) from whatever moment the screw up occurred.

I know this kind of contradicts something I wrote a few paragraphs back, but it doesn’t. Trust me. I’m about to get to the good stuff. And perhaps the point of all this.

I am most comfortable when I am alone, or with my family; my wife, my kid, my siblings, my parents, or one or two friends at a time MAXIMUM. Taken out of that, I find it hard to be completely authentic. I get too worried, anxious, nervous, fearful, etc… I know that I can play guitar. I know that I can sing. I know that I can hold a conversation. I just wish I were better at all of the above than I actually am. And that’s its own sad kind of constant.

A few years ago I started paying attention to the internet. Twitter, Facebook, emails, etc… I started reading and responding to messages form people who dug the music I was making. It was LIFE CHANGING. Aside from finally being able to communicate with others and hear their stories (post shows I would always be silent in order to preserve the voice I was constantly losing), I was actually learning a lot about myself through their interpretations of my music. Does that make any sense?

It had never occurred to me that I might be bipolar or have panic attacks. I thought several days literally laying on the floor unable to move after several days of incredible creative outbursts was just normal. Or that it was a fear of heights that caused my heart to palpitate and my hands to sweat before every flight, and that several glasses of scotch was the only cure.

I have not been diagnosed with anything by any doctors, and by the time I started reading these messages I had already worked through most of my issues by sheer force of will. Which either means I am a fucking superhero, or my problems were not that big to begin with. Or perhaps, and more likely, things fell somewhere between these two extremes.

More than anything, the last few years have been full of wonderful correspondences with incredible humans all over the world. I’ve read stories about the fucked up things that have happened to you, listened to your bands, declined your wedding invites, recorded awkward messages for your sisters and brothers, given terrible advice, given not-so-terrible advice, advised you not to listen to just one person’s advice (which in itself is one wicked conundrum), but most of all I’ve healed a part of me I forgot was broken.

Being alone all the time is great, but it is important to come up for air every now and again. And I’m not advocating that you need to go outside and run around. Hell no. The sun is for suckers. I’m just saying that it’s good for the soul to just listen to people. Let them tell you about themselves. Let them ask you questions. Let yourself respond to them as honestly as you can in the moment. Be there for a complete stranger.

You’ll have no idea how much our conversations have meant to me over the years. I hope that they don’t stop coming. I apologize for the drought in responses in both actual mail and electronic mail. I aim to start responding to all later this week. You see, I was anticipating a mental breakdown…

Which brings me back to Doe. A deer? A female deer.

The truth is, I’ve been bursting into tears spontaneously out of nowhere. No reason. And no feelings attached to it that I’m aware of. I’ll be mowing the lawn or seal-coating the driveway or emptying out the dishwasher and suddenly I’ll just start crying. IT’S FUCKING WEIRD. I’m comfortable enough with myself to just let it happen, but I am bummed that I don’t have any feelings associated with it. Any psychiatrists out there? Just kidding (but not really).

Did I mention I somehow graduated from high school without ever having learned how to write a proper paper? Can I file this post under poetry? Or claim artistic license or shenanigans? How exactly does shenanigans work? (Rhetorical).

My best attempt at psychoanalysis is this:

I’ve created unattainable goals for myself as a performer and a human which, without fail, I always fall short of. This allows me to focus on my shortcomings (and how to overcome them) rather than dealing with having any real feelings about things, one way or the other.

Maybe now the non-feeling feelings are all coming up. After a lifetime of muscling my way through things, now not having things to muscle through, I’m left to deal with the feelings I’ve refused to have to begin with.

Or maybe it’s more simple than that.

Maybe I’m strangely mourning the loss of identity. For what feels like my entire life I’ve been identified one way, as “that guy with the hair who…” And now that’s gone and I need to find a new identity. But it’s not really gone. And I don’t care to find a new identity. I’m totally fine being known as “that guy with the hair who…”

But things are different now. And the weight of that is everywhere.

In summation, I just want to thank you for digging the tunes that we made, and for coming out to shows, and for sharing your stories with me. Despite all of my overthinkingness, I have had an incredible ride. You have helped define me as a human on planet earth and I will be forever grateful for that.

Hopefully I will see you again someday, further down the river, and we can exchange tales of this and that, and learn a little something new about ourselves in the process.

Much love.


Famous Last Words

Summary: In a world where the last words your soulmate will say to you are written on your wrist, fearful and introverted Phil works in a bookstore. His greatest fear? The words counting down the seconds until he meet his soulmate, someone called ‘Dan.’ But it isn’t until he befriends a university student that he nicknames ‘Bear’ that Phil realizes that surviving through fear isn’t the same as living.

A/N: So after taking last week off to write BSOCV and recover from writers block, FLW is back to it’s Sunday schedule–at least for now as it may or may not go on hiatus in the next couple of weeks.

                      Previous Chapter             Masterpost   Next Chapter

Chapter Seven

     Normally, Phil tried to avoid car trips as much as possible. While he didn’t have motion sickness exactly, there was something about being trapped in a moving vehicle for hours on end that turned his stomach. He rationalized this particular car trip as time spent with Bear, which he privately thought was more than enough compensation.

    Regardless if Bear made the trip worth it or not, the fact of Phil’s car sickness remained the same.  

    “If you’re going to be sick I’ll roll down the window and be sick to that side please,” Bear said, glancing over at him as Phil winced and squeezed his eyes closed. “I’ll be in actual danger of murder if you vomit over my my mum’s car”

    “I’m not going to be sick,” Phil managed with some difficulty. He cleared his throat, wincing as the car hit another bump. Out of all the lovely and easily accessible places to live, it was a shame that Bear’s friends had to live in the countryside. While it fit the description of being lovely, the roads weren’t exactly what Phil would call easily accessible.

   “If it’s about my driving I passed my test,” Bear raised an eyebrow, smirking. “After the seventh time or so.”

   “Please tell me you’re joking.”

    Bear snorted. “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” he said sarcastically as he turned the next bend. “Yes, obviously I passed the first time. Do you honestly think either of my parents would let me within three feet of the steering wheel otherwise? Why, do you want me to pull over and you can take control?”

     Phil opened his mouth to answer when they drove over another pothole. His mouth snapped shut abruptly and he almost bit off his tongue. “You did that one on purpose.”

     “It’s not my fault they haven’t gotten around to paving the roads yet,” Bear grumbled.

     “You sound like my mum,” Phil remarked.

      “Unlike your mum though, I’m not easy,” Bear said with a smirk.

Keep reading


5x16 “Dark Side of the Moon”

“Apparently the Nest Messes with the Victim’s Head, Shows Them Things They Love. Parts of Their Soul in Distress. It Keeps the Victim’s Soul Vulnerable” - Or: Have Some Meta Relating to S12 That Will Never Happen on the Show, But I Keep Writing about Anyway

I initally hadn’t wanted to write about this at all as I feel it kind of useless since it’s not going to be in any way featured in S12 I am 100% certain, but what can I say? Sometimes you hold onto hopes that you know will not be answered. ;) Point being: The newst promo pictures for S12 immediately had me thinking of the episode captured above and especially this particular moment due to the green/blue tint we have in the picture as well as the small, but important word “fear” placed atop Dean in this picture. Now, it seems it’s a cap from a clip, if you ask me, so the “fear” could be part of various sentences that make “fear” as a word itself not as relevant, but for now I’ll just treat it as a standalone word, because it makes it apply so nicely to 5x16 “Dark Side of the Moon”.

“Dark Side of the Moon” written by no other than new showrunner Andrew Dabb of course follows the Winchesters’ quest to escape Zachariah while in Heaven and stumbling across all kinds of “best of”-memories that soon turn sour especially for Dean since Sam’s “best of”-moments are mostly moments in which none of his family is featured. Now, whether Zach maybe chose certain memories in order to cause tension between Sam and Dean or not is really not relevant, but the fact that Dean feels like he had no “special place” within his brother’s Heaven surely relates perfectly to this moment coming along later in which Zachariah uses Dean memory of his mother to twist it around to his liking and to torture Dean in probably the most horrific ways as not only has he Mary tell Dean that she never loved him and considered him a burden, but also that it’s Dean’s own fault that people leave him behind, which directly connects to the experiences leading up to this moment where Dean has felt that Sam enjoyed the time away from him (it’s this fact that makes me wonder how much of those “greatest hits” of the boys were true “greatest hits” or how much those were manipulated by the angels too possibly) much more than those with him.

The show has gone out of its way on multiple ocassions to showcase that one of Dean’s biggest fears is to end up alone. So Zach having Mary tells exactly that to her son as well as that she never loved Dean is about the most painful and disgusting thing Zachariah could have done.

Now, the reason I had to think of this moment when seeing the S12 promo picture is due to how the greenish-blue tint in the episode indicated that something was not right, but that something went “toxic”. You can feel the emotions of fear, anger and hurt radiating off of Dean here due to what he is told - so to me it perfectly fits to the picture of Dean for S12 with the word “fear” atop of him. I think given that the connecting piece between S12 and this episode is Mary Winchester and the fact it was written by Andrew Dabb who, I suppose, shapes S12 as heavily as no other writer, I would not be surprised if he sort of “played” with this memory of Mary in Heaven in S12.

We already know from what Jensen said, that Mary will make the brothers more vulnerable and also someone Dean feels the need to protect and likely sacrifice himself for. And it’s this aspect of vulnerability overlapping with the emotion of fear that brings me back to S11 and the episodes that felt heavily important for myth arc things that seem to have been thrown overboard in the last few episodes and in so far are left hanging mid air imo.

I have talked about this before while S11 was still airing, but I am too lazy to find a link right now (sorry, I am being an even shittier person today than I already am in general I suppose lol), but basically 11x16 “Safe House” to me was one of the most important episodes in terms of foreshadowing (that sadly went nowhere in the end) and connection to the myth arc. The soul eater and the nest imo could be very well analyzed as parallels for the Empty and Amara.

While the reunion bit of God and Amara has been foreshadowed seasons in advance and didn’t exactly come as a surprise, the complete dropping and forgetting about the Empty was a little disheartening (at least for me). I am very much thinking that Mary is back completely and that Dean is well and alive in S12, but still I would like to offer a “theory” - though this is certainly too much of a word for these loose thoughts - on what could also have happened in the finale. I know it’s not where the show is going, but there’s room for possibility to headcanon into a different direction and have fun with crazily speculating anyway.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I am asking this in all seriousness, but I really do want your thoughts, since I respect your opinion. At what point do you think "I can't write, I get too upset, etc" becomes not just the traditional struggle of the artist and becomes something really serious about yourself that you need to seek out help for? I'm really having a hard time trying to "work", but I'm embarrassed to bring it up with a therapist.

When I got this ask, my cat was in surgery.

She was diagnosed with early stage kidney failure mid-July. Last week, they found cancer. They removed half of her intestines to get rid of it.

Gravy is the most precious thing in the world to me. There is nothing else in this entire planet that matters to me even half as much as she does. She’s dying, I can’t fix it, and the grief is paralyzing. I have written maybe two thousand words this entire month.

Sometimes when something outside of writing is wrong, it ruins our ability to write.

There’s this thing called referred pain. A pinch in your neck can cause a headache. A tight hamstring can cause lower back pain. If you get back massages but don’t stretch your legs, you’re never going to get rid of the pain in any meaningful way. Minds have this too, I feel. When something inside you is hurting, opening yourself to that can make whatever you’re doing feel impossible. And if your mechanism for tapping into that is writing, it can seem like writing is the problem.

I always encourage people, when they’re stuck and blocked in writing, to look outside of writing and see what else in their life might be bringing the negativity. By addressing the underlying issue, you might find yourself able to write without the oppressive cloud of doubt.

But maybe nothing else is going on. Maybe it is just that you’ve gotten trapped in your own head about writing.

In this case, maybe something in your work is stuck, and you can’t see it, but you can sense it. Take a breather. Take a walk. Take a timed break. Give yourself a few days or even a few weeks of not writing. Put a date on the calendar that you will return to your art. Read books you like that have inspired you in the past. When you have cleared your head, go back to what you were working on, go back to the last place in your work that made you happy, and start from there. Or start something new. Find your joy again.

Sometimes its your head, sometimes it’s the work. Part of the process is figuring out what it is, and addressing it.

You said you don’t feel comfortable talking to a therapist about this. The way I’m reading this, either you already have a therapist you’re not comfortable bringing this up with, or you don’t have a therapist and you’re considering seeking someone out to discuss this with.

If it’s the first one, the point of a therapist is to help you figure out how to live your best life. If you don’t feel comfortable telling them about this, I wonder how good of a fit they are. I’m not saying find a new therapist, I’m just saying consider why you are hesitant. Have they not created a safe enough environment for you? Or do you feel this isn’t worth the time? How can you work with them to create an environment where you feel like you can talk about this?

If it’s the second one, well, again, the point of a therapist is to help you figure out how to live your best life. You may find yourself eventually able to go to a therapist to discuss this with them, and through therapy discover that there’s more to discuss than just difficulties in the creative process. Maybe, maybe not. But generally if someone thinks they want to go to a therapist about something, it’s probably a good idea to go. Even if it’s just for a handful of sessions.

And if you are worried because you think this is a frivolous reason to talk to someone, consider: if you are a runner and you have a pain in your ankle that makes running difficult, you’d go to a doctor. Why not go to a doctor about the pain in your heart that is keeping you from writing?

If you don’t feel comfortable going to a therapist yet, try talking to your fellow writers about it. There’s a bit of despair and a bit of comfort in knowing that everybody deals with this, at some point in their career. (In my case, it’s an ever-present cloud that surrounds me in every waking moment, but it’s there for literally everything I do, so I’ve learned to live with it.) Some incredible writers have been struck by the fear that they cannot write well and will never write well.

It’s disheartening to know that, no matter what skill level you’re at, you’re going to face this feeling. Almost every writer does. But there’s comfort to be found, too. Even the best writers deal with this, and we know they write well. That voice that says you can’t write is a liar. If it’s telling even the greatest writers you can think of that they can’t write, then you KNOW it’s a liar.

Sometimes you have to plow past that voice and tell it to fuck off. Sometimes you have to sit down and figure out where that voice is REALLY coming from. When to do which and how to address it varies from person to person. The best I can offer is a bit of comfort and a list of paths away from that voice and towards writing again.

I hope this helps, at least a little bit.

Thorki Author Appreciation

I decided to kick off the fanfic author appreciation early because well, why not!

In alphabetical order, here are all the writers in the thorki fandom (separate post for other fandoms) I appreciate and why.

1. @angrymadsygin aka sigynthefaithful on ao3. I love her stories for the vivid reality they paint, there is nothing holding her vision back. I love and adore all of her works, but that isn’t all I appreciate about her. She is incredibly kind, a true thorki goddess who I adore and hold dear to my heart. Never stop being amazing Siggy!

2. @curds-writes
aka curds-and-wheyface on ao3. Her storytelling has some of the best pacing I have ever read in fic, with each moment, each scene gripping me and refusing to let go until I’ve read the next page. Very few works strike me as heavily as her works have - I am so lucky I discovered her works over the holidays or I’d probably be in so much trouble. Also, have you ever talked to her? She melts me away with her precious love and *huggles* I wish I had the eloquence to truly describe how great she is.  Not only that she has amazing analytical ability when it comes to people, I have noticed her insight on multiple occasions and it always leaves me in awe. You’re the best <3

3. @emilybailey6 aka emybaily on ao3 - She was my secret Santa! I loved the fic Emily wrote for me, thank you so much! It was heart wrenching and captured their characters so perfectly I couldn’t ask for anything better.

4. @fourletterwordsstartingwithl aka hiddleston_loki_lover_au - Sonia writes the BEST AUs I have read and that is saying something. I don’t normally read AUs because I do not trust them to carry over the characters well, or the situations etc. Sonia proves me wrong.

5. @full-of-hiddles aka Cassy27, whose epic thorki fics are all PLOT, PLOT, PLOT. It’s amazing. I love the stories and detail, they are inspiring and beyond entertaining. I love them!

6. @half-ancient aka furiedheart on ao3 - more towards Hiddlesworth than anything else, these works are incredible and I highly recommend them! The stories I have read I have loved, and you can tell the amount of effort put into them.

7. @kadorienne aka Kadorienne on ao3 - her Born to be King’s holds a special place in my heart. It is a thorki epic and one of the greatest works EVER written. Please, please do yourself a favor and go read it. Oh and Eve is easily one of the most incredibly talented, kindest and compassionate individuals I have ever had the luck to speak to. Gosh Eve, you’re the light in this dark world <3

8. @lokincest aka Lokincest on ao3 - just wow. She reached several of my kinks that literally ~no one~ else shares. Not to mention her writing is INCREDIBLE, so well written, I highly recommend her writing, especially if you’re kinky as hell. Read the tags.

9. @mia-a03 aka mia-a03 on ao3 - her works ARE SO CUTE, so incredibly creative and incredibly well written. Also she’s so nice *hugs*

10. @pohjanneito aka Umakoo on ao3, gosh her thorki works are AMAZING, so incredibly detailed and well written I could go on about them for hours. Not to mention she is one of the few authors to be into some of my weirder kinks like lactation kink *cough*. Also she’s an incredible person. Read her works :D

11. @pro-antagonist
aka proantagonist on ao3 - geez okay. I cried. Her fic “Bargaining” hit so close to home I didn’t even know what to do, I’m still lost sometimes as I envision the very perfection of it. It is a true masterpiece. And when you’re done crying over that, there is a wonderfully smutty piece to get your mind off things. Easily one of my favorite authors! Another incredibly nice person too :)

12. @radiatorfromspace aka radiatorfromspace on ao3 - DO I NEED TO SAY IT?! This bunny is one master of writing I can’t even. Her dragon! Thor work still holds a place in my heart and her daddy kink *dies*. She is a precious bunny marshmellow who can write thorki fic like a boss. Highly recommend everything she ever wrote. And highly recommend going to send this author a big HUG because she deserves a billion. But get in line because I’m first. *squish*

13. @sexualthorientation aka sexyscholar on ao3 - well, the queen of daddy kink herself, her works are the bestttt! I love her writing, it blows me away. I will never be over it, though her Roman AU holds a special place in my heart. Another author whose every work I highly recommend reading. She’s also the loveliest most creative human ever *huggles*

14. @teresa-dances-in-sequins aka cunninglingus on ao3 - Black is the Color is one of the greatest thorki works I have ever read, such incredible writing, with such well thought out plot twists and characterizations, it’s genius. I also love the filthy smutt and degrading scenes, Gah, work straight out of my heart. Also she’s adorable.

15. @thor666  aka FILTH on ao3 - THIS IS RINA. Have you read Rina’s works? Yes? No? Well too bad because you NEED to. Her works are delicious, have my mouth watering and other parts well, let’s not go there ;) heheh. Ahem. Anyway, her works are FILTHY yup, accurate username! No shame, we are going to hell reading it but we are gonna love the ride so let’s do it! Besides Rina is so much FUN she’s the one who makes you wanna log into tumblr every day :) precious human being too good for this universe <3

16. @thorduna aka missnefer on ao3 - whoo, I could GO ON about Diana’s works just wow. Her epic, IMO, is Lights Out, one of the earliest and best fics I ever read. Lights Out is one of the reasons I’m into thorki now. It is a beautiful work, and so are her daddy kink shorts and her current WIP Arenas Temporis which I am in LOVE with. Her writing style and brilliance will never cease to amaze me. Also, she’s really nice if you ever talk to her! All the hugs for Diana :)

17. @thorki-goddess aka vahisa1975 on ao3 - GREATEST HUMAN TO WALK THIS PLANET. Wait I should talk about her works first *ahem*. Her works have inspired me more than any other, I spent a LONG time on ao3’s search function trying to find EXACTLY what she wrote. I will never forget how it tugged at my heart and soul. Her writing is so beautiful, the words so well placed together that I just… Sigh. I wish I could tell you, I truly do, but let me just recommend that you please go read the works instead.

18. @thorki-trash - amazing tumblr author with smutty, filthy goodness. Highly recommend giving these works a try.

There are some authors who I feel I should mention because they have a reputation but I have never truly gotten around to reading their works, or they don’t have a tumblr so I don’t really know them. Or maybe they do but I don’t know it (I am relatively new to the thorki fandom! There are plenty of people in the fandom I don’t know yet so this is very likely).

These authors are:

1. Hermaline75 - may or may not have a tumblr, I don’t know of it. But I have read their works and love all that I’ve read! I love their works.

2. @incredifishface - I swear I will read your works ;-; they are praised so much! I love your presence in the thorki fandom.

3.  Dorkylokifan - does not use tumblr but they write great works that I have enjoyed so much! They contribute A LOT to the thorki fandom and that must be love n___n!

4. Thisdorkyficthing - I see their name everywhere, will read them one day. I just appreciate that they write for thorki!

5. Lies_d - some of the best thorki works I read! I loved them so much I purchased her original fiction which was not a disappointment, I highly recommend it!!! It’s basically a thorki AU!


Thank you to all of the above, amazing authors. You’re what keep this fandom going and I am so happy I met you all. To those I didn’t list, I love you too! I love and appreciate everyone who loves and contributes to thorki. This is an amazing fandom with many amazing people. *hugs you all*

Fanfic Author Appreciation Day

 So, I’m a little late to the party and I just got off from work so I’ve decided to do a fic and author rec list for Appreciation Day.. (Disclaimer: This is gonna get long because I am multi fandom, multi shipping trash, so bear with me please)

So let’s start:

Author Recommendations:

Fairy Tail

snogfairy - One of my fanfic writing senpais to be honest. Everything Philine writes is golden (especially the smuts, *cough cough*). Read everything of hers you won’t regret it, I promise.

immortalpromise Same for Carly. Like she’s soooooo good. Her writing has the ability to make you ship anything, so beware, lol. Also, A++ smut. Read all the things.

toxineena - *incoherent fangirling noises* What can I say about Neena? I hope to one day be able to put together beautiful stories like Neena’s. (Three words: SMOKE. AND. PEACHES. *fans self*)

absent-angel - Another writing senpai. My senpais are so beautiful and wonderful I swear. Her stories are absolutely fantabulous, and you lose yourself in the worlds she builds and every story is so expressly unique, I just…have no words (cries 5ever about Ignite and To the Flame).

mslead and rivendell101 - THE QUEENS OF ANGST!!! My angst writing senpais. I hope to be able to destroy emotions as beautifully as they do one day.

One Piece:

aerle - THE QUEEN OF MARCO/ACE!! If you ship MarcoAce even a little bit, go follow, now. Stop what ever you’re doing and go follow.

authenticaussie - I love her writing to death. Nari’s writing is just too awesome for words, I’m usually drowning in feels after I’ve read something she writes.

lunarshores - Another of my absolute favorite Marco/Ace writers. Go read the things, all the things.

beyondkailani - ASL trio. ASL trio. So many beautiful brotherly stories. Do yourself a favor and go bingeread all the stories.

ssjsky59 -  EPIC AUs. ASL trio. BONDS OF SEA AND FIRE. Literal literary perfection.

undanewneon - ZOSAN. ZOSAN EVERYWHERE. And I love it. It’s so beautiful.

Shingeki no Kyojin:

lyssala - ALL OF THE EREMIKA!!! Beautifully written Eremika, too. Lyssa’s fanfics are probably what moved Eremika to OTP status for me.

eremikadefensesquad - MORE EREMIKA!!!!! Perfection, literal actual perfection. A cinnamon roll that doesn’t deserve the hate she gets. 

cupofdaydream- Ok, I’m pretty much Eremika trash so you’ll have to excuse me that my third SnK rec is also one of the most talented Eremika writers as well.

Other fandoms:

fortunatelylovelytyrant - this poor smol creampuff is one of the only writers for her fandom, but her writing is really lovely, so if you like really weird crossovers, go check her out.

Naruto (really NejiTen):

aquariusgaluxy - My first introduction into the world of NejiTen and I fell in deep and never looked back. The reason why NejiTen is my only (well, one of two) Naruto OTPs. Also, Eyes Like Pale Thistle. *fans self*

Sleepy Hollow:

sneetchstar and creepingmuse - The first ever Ichabbie fics I ever read were by these two lovely people and when I tell you I fell in love, I fell in love. Ichabbie is my OTP because of these two.

jwab - SHE. AND. HE. That is all. All I have to say is go read Point of No Return. Now.

(EDIT: She and He was written by creepingmuse. My other favorite Ichabbie fic Point of No Return was written by the lovely jwab. Curse my misremembering brain!)

Wow. This is already longer than I thought it’d be. Anyway, on to the fic recs:

Keep reading

rabbitpi-deactivated20170126  asked:

Hey, you seem to be a batperson. Do you like Tim Drake? I am un-intruiged by him, but looking to be converted. If you like the character, tell me why? (or where? :P)

“you seem to be a batperson” what a wonderful thing to say to me i love it i  LOVE IT

so, tim… tim is a character often perceived as the blandest batkid out of the family and it seems people sometimes think of him as the least worked on, least important robin in the batman universe, a boy that if the writers forgot to include in the batman mythos altogether, nobody would notice or care. give me a minute to explain why they’re, to put it kindly, very very wrong

what i’ve always found fascinating about tim drake is the fact that, unlike the other robins, he didn’t get into this because of personal reasons. no vengeance, hatred, or some disorted view of justice rooting from tragedy was involved. his past didn’t predefine his future. dick grayson saw his parents die in front of him and is often perceived as batman’s greatest triumph, while jason todd (post-crisis because otherwise we’re just talking about dick #2) had a rough, tragedy-filled childhood and, because he never managed to overcome his anger at the world even after bruce brought him in, he ultimately died and was then dubbed “batman’s greatest failure”. stephanie, despite her short tenure, tried her best to prove her worth, to make it known that she was capable enough to play a role in batman and co’s life, however big or small, and then we have damian, batman’s biological son, who more or less had the same attitude as steph only that he was 10x times more spoiled and a lot, a lot more threatening (i imagine that happens when assassins bring you up). all of them have defining backstories that could easily support their own titles without batman’s shadow helping them be interesting, but tim? no, tim’s different. tim, at the beginning, is normal

timothy jackson drake-wayne can argueably be considered one of the most well-adjusted, well-off characters in batman comics at the time of his introduction. he was privileged enough to be able to afford housing close to the wayne manor while both of his (affectionate) parents were alive. tim was as close as any of us can relate to the robins: a batman fan. simple as that. that’s what drove him. that (and his general stubborness) is what allowed him to succesfully convince batman he needs a robin. he knew what had happened to jason and he decided, upon seeing batman wasn’t planning on having another partner, to heal him. now, here’s the thing: tim saved bruce. i can’t stress this enough. bruce, at the time, was incredibly depressed and had an even-more-than-usual destructive behaviour that could, at the very least, be described as alarming. if we leave the comic realm for a bit and pretend batman’s world is real, i sincerely don’t know how bruce would have ended up if not for tim’s intervention. probably would’ve burned out to the point of no return. tim showed him that batman will always need robin, no matter what. and then he showed him he could be just that by taking his place next to him and reintroducing him to the great world of the dynamic duo (and did a damn good job, let me tell you)

naturally, because this is dc and especially batman comics (so everything’s dark and a bird can’t take a shit on a lovely monday morning without a hawk diving in and ripping it to shreds), tim did eventually go through tragedy. he lost his dad to captain boomerang, his relationship with stephanie got turbulent at best (plus she “died”) and a bunch of other stuff that, however, didn’t stop him from being a damn good hero. i want to note here that tim also saved bruce a second time following final crisis, after darkseid shot batman with his flowery pink omega beams and propelled him to the dawn of time. when everyone, both the family and the justice league thought bruce was dead, tim never gave up (actually, not only did he not give up, he never even thought that bruce being really dead was a possible outcome. you could see dick in the background stressing over donning the cowl or not and tim was like “yah cool bruce’ll be back”). when he was eventually returned, tim was there to calm him down before bruce went all defcon 1 and did some destructive mojo timespace… things…. we won’t get into because final crisis’ aftermath distresses me

you see, just how damian wayne is robin and partner to dick grayson’s batman (let’s all please agree that the dynamics between bruce and damian as batman and robin before the new 52 were the very definition of bad family communication and i’m being modest here), tim drake is bruce wayne’s partner. that’s how i’ve always viewed it. this is not to say that the rest of the kids haven’t been great robins in their own ways, but except for the b&r team-up of bruce and damian after the reboot, tim was the one robin that seemed to work in perfect, nearly calculated harmony with bruce’s batman. and even though i loved dad and son doing their thing in the new 52, i still find tim’s robin to give me an “original” feeling to what batman and robin’s concept is like

so this is why i think tim’s a great noodle. the reason, at the same time, i can see why some people might find him uninteresting. people can have their preferences, nothing wrong with that, but i do believe he deserves to be given a shot. in case you want to give him it, here’s a reading list. the kid’s (eternally…………………………………..) 16 or 17 and can build his own damn batcomputer, we owe him at least that

All I ever had – all we ever had, was a dream close enough to touch. How cruel to find that which seems tangible can crumble away in fleeting dust. I am not yours, though I wish I could be, I am not. However, the certainty of impossibility does not hurt. In fact it is a freeing experience. What hurts is the alternative: “What if we had grown to be the image of all that we could have been?” Without these scars. Without these coping mechanisms. Without these lessons learned throughout life’s mundanity; knowledge obtained in negativism. Tell me now, have you ever contemplated the impracticability of purity and figured you just want to live! – in a life that intuitively doesn’t seem meant for you. Have you ever proactively disenchanted the world around you just to keep pace with the leaders of a pack that deep down inside you know are unfit to lead? Doesn’t it gnaw on you that pragmatism might just be the greatest vessel of lies; that we follow a calculated probability of a life more comfortable, when life is an accumulation of uncertain factors? Anything could happen. My love, have you ever given in to a world of unlimited possibilities, where all these scars, coping mechanisms, and forcefully applied disenchantments no longer matter? – I have. As a matter of fact I could only see your face. Allow me to share with you my reality: You are that one dream that never crumbled as I lay my fingers upon it. You are the reason I return to the core of being. It is so simple, yet so intimidating, that I am yours. That there aren’t any options considering true love; when I am stripped down naked, without any rock to hide under, you are the one to find me. When you are stripped down naked, without any rock to hide under, I do not falter. You are everlasting love. It seems so natural and easy. Two wholes become halves, our souls whisper: you complete me. We disintegrate in bursting flames, our bodies; specks of soot, expand into eternity. Somehow we know our dust will reassemble, again and again in a loop of eternal reoccurrence, until we rewrite the fabric of the universe by virtue of destined creation. The purpose of our existence. I figure when two souls become one in true love, they usher in the existence of a new soul, completely unencumbered. Isn’t that logical? It is evolution, progress; the reason why the universe expands within its already infinite framework. It isn’t our time right now, but one day it will be. And after that, who knows what will happen? All I know is you complete me, when I felt to be complete already.
—  You are everlasting love (excerpt), by M.A. Tempels © 2016
Happy Birthday, aoisakai!

July 3 - “You are so mean… and I’m okay with that.” Thranduil/Darcy Lewis for @aoisakai

(Yes, Thranduil from LoTR. I know I don’t normally write LoTR characters, but for aoisakai, I made a special exception - and recruited help with Thranduil’s characterisation from @little-red-83 , without whom this would NOT have been possible)

 Asgard was even more impressively shiny than Darcy expected. And not only the place, the people. She’d already met the Warriors Three and Lady Sif, of course, but everyone in Asgard seemed to be impressive physical specimens.

Although that guy was in a whole class of his own. Her head swivelled to watch the tall blond as he walked past her through the long hallway, and she noticed something startling.

“Thor,” she tugged at his arm. “Thor, that dude has pointy ears!”

Thor glanced in the direction of her pointing finger and let loose with one of his hearty laughs. “Darcy, ‘that dude’ is King Thranduil, a visiting dignitary from Alfheim.”

“Wait,” her eyes popped. “Alfheim - elves?”

“Yes, I believe Midgardians called them such, when the Alfheimr walked your world.”

“Fuuuuck,” Darcy whispered under her breath, awed. “Janey, elves! Elves are REAL!”

Jane was far too busy playing with some bit of Asgardian technology she’d scooped up from a table when nobody was looking, though, and Darcy was left to stare in amazement at the blond elf, who’d stopped at the end of the hallway to speak to someone. He really was the most beautiful creature she’d ever seen, all long clean limbs and smooth shiny hair. As though sensing her scrutiny, he turned his head and looked directly at her.

Embarrassed to have been caught staring, Darcy turned hastily away, blushing a little, unaware that Thranduil’s eyes slid over her curves with more than a passing interest.

“Thranduil?” Loki, still masquerading as Odin, said impatiently as the Alfheimr king’s attention drifted.

“Your pardon, All-Father,” but Thranduil was still looking down the hallway. “It has been long since humans walked the halls of Asgard.”

Loki ground his teeth together. “Yes,” he said tightly. “Yes, Prince Thor’s beloved is Midgardian. She is visiting here at the moment, along with her lady companion.”

“Ah,” Thranduil nodded in understanding, dragging his attention away from the woman’s shapely behind with some effort. He did not care for this weakness in himself, for the more curvaceous forms of human women, but it should be easy enough to withstand temptation if there were only two of them on Asgard and one was spoken for!

Thranduil had to restrain the urge to bang his head hard against the carved timber back of his chair when he saw who his partner at the dinner table was. Glancing along the table, he met Odin’s smirk and silently fumed. Odin disliked mortals even more than Thranduil; no doubt the places at the table had been arranged to keep them as far from the All-Father as possible. In no way could seating the maiden beside a king be considered insulting to Thor, though Thranduil might have been insulted. If he hadn’t known very well that it was merely Odin’s foul sense of humour asserting itself.

He couldn’t even rely on any assistance in keeping the human in conversation, since Volstagg was seated on her other side, and Thranduil knew that the Asgardian would pay attention to nothing but his food. With a small, resigned sigh, Thranduil bent his head in polite acknowledgement as the Midgardian woman seated herself and stared around with wide, incredulous blue eyes.

“Oh!” she looked directly at him then, started and blushed. It was a becoming look, Thranduil realised unwillingly; almost as becoming as the silken saffron-coloured gown which certainly made the most of her figure. From the vantage of his height, he could take in the spectacular view of her cleavage as well as her face.

“How do you do? I’m Darcy Lewis,” she said, in tones that were obviously intended to be polite.

She does not know that she must wait for me to speak first, since I am of higher rank, Thranduil thought contemptuously; but the voice of his conscience, a voice which sounded suspiciously like that of his son, pointed out dryly that Darcy Lewis had no way to know of his rank. He wasn’t wearing his crown, not here in the halls of Asgard.

“Thranduil of Mirkwood and Alfheim, Lady Darcy,” he responded in cool tones.

“You mean King Thranduil, don’t you, Your Majesty?” she said with a pert little smile. “Or is this some attempt to go incognito?”

So she does know who I am, he thought. Aloud he said “In the halls of Asgard, my title means little, Lady Darcy.”

“Well, I have no title at all, so please, call me Darcy.” She offered a rather charming little smile. Amused despite wanting to dislike her - this would be a lot easier if she had a face like a horse and the voice of a crow - Thranduil returned the smile.

“As you please. And are you enjoying your visit to Asgard, Darcy?” Politely, he lifted the flagon of wine in front of him, tilted it invitingly towards Darcy’s cup.

“Thank you,” she nodded for him to pour. “Yes, I am. Jane told me how incredibly beautiful it is, but I don’t think anything could have prepared me. There is a feeling of incredible age, and yet everything looks so new and shining. It’s a curious dichotomy, such that I can’t help but wonder if it is shared by other long-lived, highly advanced races. Is Alfheim similar, Your Majesty?”

Thranduil blinked, not at all prepared for the insightful, intriguing response she had delivered to his merely rhetorical question. Humans have evolved much since last I encountered some, he thought privately, refilling his own cup.

“Similar and yet different,” he replied in response to her question. “My people live in a closer communion with Nature than the Æsir.”

“I have to ask,” she took a sip of the wine, smiling as she found that she liked the taste, “are Midgardian stories of elves anything like the reality? Mm, that’s really nice,” she took another, longer sip.

“I do not know,” Thranduil said a little stiffly. “It has been many centuries since last I spoke with one of your kind.” He took a long drink of the wine to mask his discomfort. At least Asgardian wine was tolerable, unlike the ghastly swill produced on Midgard. He hoped Darcy Lewis appreciated the difference.

“Because there’s a Thranduil, King of Mirkwood, in this really awesome book by an incredibly famous author in our world, John Ronald Reuel Tolkein…”

Thranduil almost choked on his wine, failing to suppress a snarl. Volstagg, on Darcy’s other side, started chortling. “Oh yes, tell her about Tolkein, Thranduil!”

Darcy looked from Thranduil to Volstagg with a grin beginning on her face. “This is going to be good. I can just tell.” Having another slug of the wine, she nudged Thranduil, who had gone very stiff, in the ribs. “Go on, Thrandy. Fill me in.”

He was too angered even by the mention of Tolkein’s name to notice what she had called him. “Tolkein was not a writer of your world. He was Alfheimr, banished for… for…” this was so embarrassing. Especially with Darcy’s bright-eyed gaze bent on him inquiringly. “He was a court bard, banished for writing and singing mocking tales.”

“About you,” she guessed with a chuckle.

“Yes, about me! And in his vengeance he mocked me further yet, by bastardising some of our greatest legends into stories for the amusement of the primitive humans we sent him to live among!”

Darcy couldn’t help it. She collapsed into laughter.

Thranduil’s frown grew more thunderous. Every time Darcy looked at him, her giggles resurged, no matter how hard she tried to throttle them back.

Eventually, Thranduil found a small smile growing on his own face.

“Legolas told me that it was my own fault for being a ‘complete pompous prig’, as he put it,” he admitted. “It is possible that my son may have had a point.”

“Oh, dear,” Darcy had to wipe at her streaming eyes. “Oh, that is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. Tolkein’s entire body of work is bad fanfiction?”

Thranduil’s rueful grin confirmed it. She grabbed her cup of wine and swigged another mouthful down to avoid another fit of the giggles. Thranduil poured her some more, which was probably a really terrible idea because she was already feeling very warm and fuzzy. And giggly, but then he’d just told her something utterly and totally hilarious. Even if he was, apparently, the butt of the joke.

“I think you should have some more of that too,” Darcy said, “quite a lot of it, actually, and then you might unbend a bit and I can ask you if Sauron really was a complete and utter bastard. And if your son Legolas is as hot as you, or even as hot as Orlando Bloom.”

Laughing despite himself, Thranduil took a long drink from his own cup. Perhaps it was the fact that he’d already had half a flagon;  perhaps that was the reason he was finding her rather amusing. Asgardian wine did have a kick to it that the vintages produced on Alfheim lacked. That the little mortal had drunk a whole cup and only succumbed to a giggle fit was quite remarkable.

“You are so mean,” he said confidingly to her when she nudged him again. “I’m okay with that,” he discovered, rather to his surprise. “I like you, Darcy Lewis of Midgard. You must tell me who this Orlando Bloom is, and why you think Legolas might resemble him.”

“I’m gonna get Heimdall to send me back tomorrow to pick up my DVDs,” she said. “And a player - and a TV - no, on second thoughts, I’ll just grab a StarkPad, somehow I don’t think the electricity supplies are going to be compatible.” Grinning up at Thranduil, she said “Because you REALLY need a Hobbit marathon, Thrandy.”

“After that, you shall come with me to visit Alfheim,” he said magnanimously, “and you shall judge for yourself its beauty.” Though he had already decided that he had no intention of introducing her to Legolas.

This little mortal, Thranduil would keep for himself.

Having recruited @little-red-83 into helping me write this, I then managed to convince her that she’d love to continue it into its own story. Consequently, you’ll shortly see a new story on Ao3 co-authored by us both appear. There is no second part yet, but you will be able to follow the continuing adventures of Darcy and Thranduil there :D

A Brief Word on Character
(why separating ‘history’ from 'personality’ isn’t always the best course of action)

Everybody has an opinion on appless roleplay groups – you know the ones I’m talking about. All you have to do is send in a quick one-liner about your character: BRANDON is TWENTY-TWO years old and looks a lot like MORDIN SOLUS. Most people refer to him as THE NERD.

In theory, they can be great fun, if only because you go into a site with a bare bones idea of who you’re playing and get to expand on their life and flesh out their personality, even if it doesn’t always turn out this way. It’s how a lot of people write books: all up front, no baggage at the door, until they get stuck on chapter 37 as they realize they have no motivation for their deuteragonist to help the protagonist out of a jam.

This isn’t a rant about the benefits or drawbacks of planning ahead – the opposite, actually. It’s a guide on how to use what you know about your character to change a two-dimensional archetype to a fully fleshed out hero. All it takes is answering one simple question: why am I so funny?

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

could you recommend some good spamano fics please??

I have been waiting so long for this ask omg. Ok I will only list my favourites, cause if not, this list will be way too long. I am not sure if you want with or without smut, so i will just list both (even tho most of them HAVE smut in them oops):

Title: This Dance
Author: Sunny Day in February
Summary: Antonio wants Lovino to be his dancepartner at Austria’s ball. Lovino, struggling with his growing feelings of love and affection for everyone’s favorite tomato-bastard as always, agrees. Now, there could be worse things, right?
Rated: T
Status: Complete

Title: Bottoms Up!
Author: Sunny Day in February
Summary: Follow Lovino on his weird and, well, at least quite interesting trip around Europe in order to find out some of the greatest secrets ever about himself, Europe, tomato-shaped alarm clocks and the past of his lovely, but complicated Spanish partner.
Rated: M
Status: Complete

Title: And Three Makes Five
Author: Sunny Day in February
Summary: After being apart from each other for months, Lovino and Antonio are ready to live their lovey-dovey lives with each other again! However, when they wake up one day and discover there are tiny little CHILDREN running around their House, things get a little… different.
Rated: M
Status: Not complete (updated weekly)

(These three are from the same author and I guess you could call them a series. It started with This Dance and ends with And Three Makes Five. Though, you can read them separately)

Title: The Daisy Genocide
Author: 2degreesabovefreezing
Summary: My name is Lovino Vargas but that’s not who I actually am. I’m my brother. They put his DNA into a little ball of jello and grew me like a house plant. To say it blatantly, I’m a clone and I’m in a disturbing amount of trouble. I’m about to tell the story of my fight to preserve my humanity followed by a vicious history of crime but it’s a secret. Nobody has to know.
Rated: T
Status: Complete

Title: The Existence of Love is Optional
Author: Liesel Fogel
Summary: Antonio just wants to get laid. Lovino has a secret he will take to the grave. When Antonio is assigned to be Lovino’s therapist, he gets a little too involved in Lovino’s life and begins to understand what Lovino’s life is really like and the dark secrets he carries.
Rated: M
Status: Complete

Title: Bésame Mucho
Author: George deValier
Summary: WW2 AU. Lovino Vargas only ever wanted something exciting to happen in his boring, everyday Italian village existence. He never expected war, Resistance, love, passion, treason, or a cheerful, confusing, irritatingly attractive Spanish freedom fighter.
Rated: M
Status: Not complete (last update: November 14th 2013)

Title: The Many Personalities of Spain
Author: Writer-Girl-19
Summary: England casts a spell to rid himself of Spain. As expected it goes wrong; leaving Romano to deal with the many personalities of Spain. That sounds like a normal day for Romano, right? It would be if the personalities not had their own personifications.
Rated: M
Status: Not complete (last update: October 16th 2013)

Title: Kismet
Author: Lady-Pyrien
Summary: Lovino learns the hard way that things change and that they can change quickly. The necklace fell and now he’s in a strange land far from home. Will he ever see his brother again? Will he find his way home? Or will he discover home is where the heart is? Fate is a strange woman and can work in mysterious ways.
Rated: M (+ mpreg)
Status: Complete

Title: Catch You, Catch Me
Author: Hikari Kaitou
Summary: Clumsy, clueless detective Romano is on the trail of the infamous handsome and charming thief El Apasionado Caballero. But there’s more to this, what seems like a simple game of cat and mouse, than meets the eye.
Rated: M
Status: Complete

Title: Door to Door
Author: Canadino
Summary: Do not open the door. It could be a zombie, an unwanted boyfriend of your brother’s, or a persistant salesman by the name Antonio Carriedo.
Rated: T
Status: Complete

Title: Tale of the Conquered Overbearing
Author: Verboten Byacolate
Summary: Antonio’s dual personality disorder pushes him to unorthodox methodological treatment: rooming with the most stress-inducing Italian in the nation. But the ultimate goal begins to change from psychological to emotional, and Spain does not approve.
Rated: M
Status: Complete

Title: NekoRoma
Author: Lady-Pyrien
Summary: Antonio has been feeling lonely with his recent break up with his on/off boyfriend. The solution: a new kitten that his boss doesn’t want. Just as he gets used to this cat, a new challenge is thrown at him. How do you teach a cat to be human?
Rated: M
Status: Complete

Title: Numbered Lithograph
Author: youaremarvelous
Summary: When Lovino starts attending art school with his brother he finds his most important lesson doesn’t come from his professors, but from a culinary student at a sister school: sometimes the flaws hold the beauty.
Rated: M
Status: Complete

Title: Sound Life
Author: Self-Titled Demo
Summary: Spain is dead, leaving Romano distraught and wishing for there to be a way for him to see his beloved Spaniard alive and healthy…Only to wake up in a strange alternate world… with another Spain seeking his affection.
Rated: M
Status: Complete

Title: The Pirate’s Treasure
Author: chibi-exel
Summary: Pirate Captain Antonio wants one thing, and one thing only; a mermaid. Boy or girl doesn’t matter, as long as they are royalty and can make him jewels.He’s got his wish, but dealing with this prince is going to be much harder than he thought.
Rated: M
Status: Complete

Title: More Than Attraction
Author: whitetyger123
Summary: Antonio says he met his love’s eyes over the bin of tomatoes. Lovino says he was stalked relentlessly until he was forced to give in.
Rated: M
Status: Complete

There are probably more, but these were the ones I could think of. This got way too long I am so sorry