i am not an alcoholic i promise

starry eyes

  i promised @1suho to rewrite this jin smut i had on my old blog bc she loved it so much so here it is !!

pairing: seokjin x reader
mention of alcohol, paryting, sexual content
3 k

Originally posted by taejinmin

The buzzing on the surface of your dresser makes you lower your mascara wand for a second, hoping for the answer to be the one you want it to be.

idk yet. i’m with family, we will see if I drop by.

Well, that wasn’t it. You hoped more for an of course i am going, where can i meet you or a sure, we can meet up or at least an if you want me to.

Truthfully, you don’t want to go either. The twelve hour shift you have worked has made your bones feel hollow and your eyelids heavy and all you want to do is fall into your bed, or maybe the bathtub with relaxing music filtering through the speakers as you relax your aching body.

But the town festival only comes once a year, and it does not matter that you did not even get time to rest after work, or that you only could hastily throw yourself under the shower to freshen up before your friend is already demanding you to meet her in the city asap.

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Ruby's Guide to....Dating!
  • Ruby: Today we're going to test the dateability of three of Beacon's swingingest bachelors!
  • Ruby: Doctor Oobleck!
  • Oobleck: Get ready to fall in love Beacon! Am I looking at the right camera?
  • Ruby: Professor Ozpin!
  • Ozpin: Who are you even making this for?
  • Ruby: Uncle Qrow!
  • Qrow: I'm only here because you promised alcohol.
  • Ruby: And now for a simple 9000 question dating quiz.
  • *cut to results*
  • Ruby: Uncle Qrow, on a scale of 1 to 5, you scored a 3.
  • Qrow: Yes!
  • Ruby: This will limit your dating pool to widows, lady plumbers, and convicts.
  • Qrow: I still consider this a victory.
  • Ruby: Professor Ozpin, your score is....eeeesh! You know, scores don't really matter. You should just focus on being you.
  • Ruby: Dr. Oobleck, on a scale of 1 to 5, you scored...A TWELVE?!
  • Oobleck: My grandma was right all along! I am the world's most perfect man.
Like I Would (Part Two)


pairing: jefferson x reader

request: can you write a hamilfic based off of the song LIKE I WOULD?

summary: modern college au. reader and hamilton argue about jefferson. it’s more than just that i promise please read it.

warnings: swearing, alcohol mentions, flashbacks and death

word count: 4,458

a/n: THIS IS PART TWO. please, i repeat, read the first part before this one. i wouldn’t normally care but it is important and this won’t make sense without it. bolded are text messages, flashback is in italics. inbox is open for comments, questions, or requests. 

Alex’s eyes sting with tears as he makes his way back to the apartment he shares with John and Lafayette. They had finally convinced him to make his move, to tell you how he really felt about you. He knew he couldn’t stand by and watch Jefferson be with you and not go insane from the pain of it.

But when he saw you two on the street…he knew it was already too late. He knew you, knew you didn’t take someone back to your place after a date unless it was serious and you already liked them. As much as he hates Jefferson, he would never want to ruin your happiness. He’s missed his chance and he knows it.

A drink. He needs a drink.

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You have to try this New Wine

I am not an alcoholic.

I know that’s what most alcoholics say. But I promise you, I’m not. I just think I might have a slight problem with alcohol. There was an incident with a girl that made me sort of sober up, literally and metaphorically. This wasn’t the first time an encounter with a woman didn’t end happily for me, but this one really made me question how much I was drinking. So I decided I’d try to go seven days without alcohol. My weakness is for wine, but I decided to not have anything alcoholic. No beer, no liquor, no nothing. I planned for it to be a boring week, but I was determined to challenge myself.

The day after the fallout with the girl (and the day I decided to try to stop drinking) my best friend Nate started pushing me to try this new wine. “I got an amazing bottle,” he texted me. “It’s called Pairst Red. Look it up. It’s the best wine on the market. Come over and we’ll share.”

I tried to explain to him that I was taking a break from drinking. But he started to get forceful. “You have to try it, you’ll like it. Pairst Red. Just one glass.”

I ignored him. He’d never been pushy with alcohol before but I figured this wine must be something special. It could wait a week.

The weird thing was that everyone seemed to be talking about this wine. I went to the store to get some groceries, and the clerk looked at me oddly. “Didn’t you forget your bottle of Pairst Red?” she asked. “It’s the best wine on the market. You have to try it, you’ll like it.”

I told her I wasn’t drinking, and she gave me this weird sweet smile. It looked completely fake on her face. “Just one glass. Try it.”

I paid for my stuff quickly and got out of there.

My friend Autumn invited me out for dinner. I said yes because I figured a night out would help get my mind off things. I told her specifically that I didn’t want to go to a bar. She agreed, and we met at a local Chinese place.

We sat down to eat like usual. I ordered chicken fried rice. She ordered mu shu pork and a glass of Pairst Red. I rolled my eyes. “Why is everyone so obsessed with this wine?”

Autumn raised the corners of her mouth with her fingers. It looked incredibly weird. “Pairst Red is the best wine on the market. Let’s share a glass.”

“No!” I brushed her hands away from her face. “I just told you that I’m not drinking right now.”

“Come on,” she replied, her tongue hanging out the corner of her lips. “You have to try it. You’ll like it.”

“What is so special about this fucking wine anyway?” I felt like getting up and leaving. But the waitress had returned with two glasses of wine. “I didn’t order this,” I told her angrily.

“But it’s the best wine on the market,” she responded. One of her eyes was shut tight, the folds of her eyelid pressed like stacks of paper. The other eye was wide and rolling. “You have to try it. You’ll like it.”

Autumn lifted her glass. Instead of drinking, she just poured it down her face. The red liquid bubbled when it touched her skin. It stained her dress. Disgusted, I pushed my chair away from the table. I realized all of the other customers were staring at us. Most of them were pouring wine on themselves, either over their heads or onto their laps.

“Autumn…” I couldn’t find my words. She was standing, her skirt up to her chest and her panties down around her knees. She was trying to insert the empty wine glass into herself. I screamed at her. Autumn looked in pain but she wouldn’t stop. I hurt the glass break and she finally smiled.

Terrified, I ran out of the restaurant. The other patrons had begun calling to me. “You have to try it!” “Just one glass!” “You’ll like it!” I slammed through the doors and out into the street. This couldn’t be real. Everyone on the sidewalks turned to stare at me. They all wore ridiculous faces. Some held their skin in strange angles. Others had huge open mouths. I found my car as fast as I could and drove home.

I didn’t dare turn on the radio, for fear of hearing more about Pairst Red.

I pulled into my driveway. The streets were empty, thankfully. I walked to my door but noticed a woman standing there. She was completely naked. A mess of red hair covered her face. I took a step back but then she started talking.

“Did you try it yet?” She lifted her hands and parted her locks. It was Marcia – the girl from the other day. The one from the incident. She was not smiling. There were bruises on her thighs and arms. “You’ll like it, I promise,” she whispered.

“Marcia, I am so sorry.” Tears sprang to my eyes.

“Try it,” she hissed. Then she lifted her arm and stuck a hand down her throat. She shoved her fist deep into herself and pulled something. Out of her jaws came a bottle of wine. It dripped with the innards of her stomach. “You’ll like it.”

I nearly threw up. Marcia slammed the bottle of wine down onto the pavement. It shattered. The red substance inside coated the sidewalk in thick globs. I looked back at Marcia and she was fully clothed now, suddenly smiling. “Lick it off the dirt,” she said cheerfully. “Like a fucking dog.” She giggled.

I ran away from her towards the back of the house. I made it to the porch and fumbled with the back door. My keys rattled in my hand. I was shaking and terrified. Finally I opened the door and nearly collapsed into the house. I locked it immediately behind me.

This is where I am now, holed up in my house. I can hear Marcia outside. Others must have joined her because I can make out Nate and Autumn’s voices. I even think I hear my parents. They are all telling me to try the wine. That I’ll like it. Sometimes I hear glass shattering. Other times I hear screaming. I don’t know what’s going on outside. I’m too afraid to look.

My older brother is talking now through the keyhole. He says he tried the wine. He liked it. I will too.

cordially-nethescurial  asked:


an admin fill for fluffuary  (bonus points if you can guess which admin)

Martha/Rose - stargazing

rated all ages

all admin fills will be available on AO3 here

“Come on, Martha,” Rose cajoled, using the smile she knew almost always got her her way with her roommate and best friend. “You’ve been revising for three days straight. Your brain’s going to melt if you don’t take a break and I don’t think you can be a doctor with a melted brain.”

“I am a bit burned out,” Martha admitted, looking away as she rubbed at her temples. “Been reading this same page for twenty minutes, I think.”

“Let’s go do something fun, then! Give that big brain a break.” She paused, waiting for the conditions Martha was sure to insist upon and then started talking as soon as the other woman opened her mouth. “I promise there won’t be any alcohol, I know you don’t have time for a hangover.”

Martha’s smile was grateful and gorgeous and Rose felt her heart flutter a little bit like it always did. “Thanks, Rose.”

“No problem. You get ready, I’m going to pop down the hall to see if Rory will let me borrow his car for the night.”

Martha’s brow furrowed a bit. “Where are we going that we need a car?”

“You’ll see,” Rose promised with a smile of her own before stepping out of Martha’s room, closing the door behind her.

Twenty minutes later, they were in Rory’s car and headed out to the country. Rose had thrown a bag in the backseat but was refusing to tell Martha what was in it or where they were going except out of the city.

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Miracle pt. 2 (Avengers+Bucky x Reader)

Miracle 1

A/N: So there it is. I am actually not so happy with it, it could be better. I was gonna write more but it is too long. And I am sorry if I didn’t do a good job at writing the fighting scene, I did my best. Please ignore any mistakes. Next parts will be more fun, I promise. Please, please tell me what you think? 

And, this will not be some stupid love triangle. But I can say that it will have some teasing, sarcasm, pranks, alcohol, parties, feels, blood, ass-kicking.

One more thing, I don’t like writing Brutasha or Clint and Laura. Clintasha is my otp but I wanted to try something diffrent. 

Originally posted by wondys

Originally posted by iwantcupcakes

Originally posted by amralleme

It wasn’t a night to sleep for me. It was my 4th night, and it had been an ordinary day. I trained myself for hours then went out with Natasha. It was a good day for me, I didn’t see Bucky even though he was staying in the tower.
It was nearly 3am, I only had 4 hours of sleep. But I was used to it now. I always have had nightmares, so ‘sleeping’ wasn’t such a peaceful thing for me. 4 hours was enaugh.
I just layed down on my bed and hugged my pillow, started to murmur Metallica. It was all fine, then I heard his voice.
I didn’t know who he was at first, but then it was pretty clear. He was saying one word over and over again: “Steve.”
I wasn’t the only one having nightmares. I kicked my blanket off me and got out of my room, didn’t care about the fact that I was in my PJs. Clearly, someone needed to wake him up.
I got in his room quietly. He was laying on his bed with only his sweatpants on. His brown long hair was covering most off his face, but I could still see his lips shaking. Sweat was coming down from his forehead, his hands were holding onto his bed. He looked like he was going through hell, maybe he was.
I knew that it was dangerous to wake him up, but I didn’t care. I walked over to him and placed my hands on his shoulder, shaking him slowly.
“Bucky, it is a nightmare. You are safe.” I said, but he didn’t wake up. I repeated the same thing, shaking him harder this time. He woke up immediatly, next thing I know I was pinned against the wall.
He was terrified.
He backed away when he realized it was just me, and it was a nightmare.
“I-I…I am sorry.” He took more steps away.
“It is okay.” I said, my voice soft. He didn’t look at me, like he was embrassed or something. He was looking at the floor.
“For waking you up and…”
“I know. It is okay.” He looked at me.
In his gorgeous blue eyes: I didn’t see death in them this time. I walked towards him and held his hand, made him sit on the bed. Then I walked to the bathroom, got a towel, wet it and walked back to him. He was just looking at his hands, watching them shake.
I made him look up, took his hair out of his face. Then I wiped his sweat off  his face with the towel.
“Why are you doing this?” He looked at me like I am some sort of an angel.
“I am just helping. I know what it is like to have nightmares, worst ones.”
“Why me? I am a monster. I broke your arm, remember?”
“You are not a monster. The Winter Soldier is. You are not him now. You deserve help.” I answered, looking straight to his eyes.
“Then who I am?” He asked. He looked lost.
“You are Bucky Barnes.”
“Not anymore.”
“Just that you don’t remember everything doesn’t mean you are not that guy anymore.” He looked at me, like he was looking for an answer in my eyes. I could see that he didn’t believe in what I just said.
“I am sorry again for–” He spoke after a while.
“No, don’t be. It is okay.” I said again and walked towards the door. He held my arm, I turned back to him.
“Can you stay? Please, if you are gonna sleep, you can do it here and I’ll sleep on the floor.” He said, looking at me, begging with his eyes.
“I-uh, of course. But I won’t sleep.”
“Me neither.” I sat next to him, on his bed.
“Why don’t we go get some food?” I suggested.
“It is 3am.” He said.
“So what? Come on.” I said and pulled him on his feet.
“But you might want to put on something.” I said. He walked over to his wardrobe and got a black t-shirt. I tried my best to not stare at his perfect looking body, but failed.
“You too.” He said after he put on the tshirt. I took a look at myself, I was in my hello kitty pajama shorts and a tank top.
“Nah. I am fine.” I really didn’t mind anyone seeing me in my pajamas. We got out of his room and walked towards the kitchen quietly.
I turned onthe lights to the kitchen and we got in. I checked the fridge and found some ice cream. I took it out, and 2 spoons for us.
“Come on.” I said and I got out of the kitchen. He followed.
“Where are we going?” He asked.
“Common room.” I answered and we both got in.
“Can you put that couch over there?” I asked him, pointing the window.
“You want to watch New York?”
“Yes!” I cheered. He chuckled and walked over to the couch. He dragged the thing all the way across the room with his metal hand.
“Thank you.” I said, smiling. I sat down and pointed him to sit next to me. I opened the ice cream box and handed him his spoon.
New York looked beautiful, like always. I loved watching it.
We both just sat quietly and watched the view, eating ice cream.
“Have you seen Star Trek?” I asked all of a sudden.
“No. Why?”
“Nothing. I was just wondering. You should though.” I answered, not taking my eyes off the view.
I could feel his eyes on me.
“I haven’t been doing a good job catching up with 21st century.” He said. I turned my head to him and smiled.
“Hmm. I can help you.” I said.
“You have done enaugh already.” He answered.
“Well, I want to help you. Are you gonna turn me down?” I asked playfully, he chuckled.
“Who am I to do that?” He said, smiling. He looked like a fucking god.
“Soo…James. Can I call you James?” I asked. He looked at me, problebly thinking about what to say.
“When can we start? We should problebly start with movies. I’ll watch with you.”
“Anytime you like.”
“Okay. Star Trek marathon first.” I said.
I put more ice cream in my mouth like he did.
After 5 hours of talking, we went back to our rooms at 7am. I took a shower and dressed up, then met him back at the common room.
He was laying on the couch, reading a book. He was wearing diffrent sweatpants, and a white t-shirt.
I layed next to him, checking what he is reading. We had been talking and eating ice cream for the last 5 hours, and it made us a little close.
“What are you reading?” I asked.
“Harry Potter.”
“I am cooking breakfest, want some?” I added and got back up.
“Yes. Thanks.” I walked towards the kitchen and he followed me.
He took a seat and I started making pancakes. I started to murmur some Arctic Monkeys. I could feel his eyes on me.
“Good morning.” I heard Steve come in with Sam, they were both sweating, they took a seat next to Bucky.
“Hey guys. Want some pancakes?”
“I would love some!” Sam cheered and I smiled.
“Yeah me too.” Steve said and thanked me. I lost myself to murmuring Arctic Monkeys again, and I didn’t pay attention to their talk.
I placed the pancakes I made on a plate and put it in front of them. Then I walked back and took more plates with forks and knives, and gave them. I took Nutella from the cupboard then sat with them.
“You idiots could make some coffee.” I said.
“Oh yeah, that.” Sam and Steve got up to make some.
“Good morning sweet cheeks. Spangles, Birdy 2.0, Robocop.” Tony came in and took a seat next to me. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the nick names he gave them.
“So funny, huh?” Steve asked as he handed me my mug.
“It is funny Spangles.” Tony answered for me. Steve rolled his eyes. Pietro zoomed in and took a pancake from the plate, before I could even blink.
“Good morning idiots, (Y/N).” He placed a kiss on my cheek and sat next to me.
“Who made this pancakes? They are delicious.” Tony said, taking a huge bite from it.
“Me.” I said, smiling.
“Well that was a stupid question.” Tony said and got another bite.
“What are we doing tonight?” I asked him.
“You are coming with me to the farm!” Clint cheered, walking in.
“Really? I am gonna meet them, tonight?” I asked, excited.
“Well, if you want. Actually, everyone is invited to dinner tonight.” He said and got one pancake from the plate. I should have made some more.
“Good morning.” Natasha walked in.
“Are those pancakes?” She immediatly took one and shoved it into her mouth. I couldn’t help but smile at her.
I got up and put my empty mug in the sink.
“So what do we do today?” Peter came in.
“Oh I have an idea!” I cheered, opened my mouth to speak but only to be cut off by Steve.
“We have to train.”
“Yeah, you go do that. I want to hear (Y/N)’s plan.” Natasha said and smirked at me.
“What is her plan?” Thor came in, took a seat.
“I actually don’t have one. I just don’t want to train.” I said as Wanda got in.
“I don’t want that either.” She said.
“We can make fun out of training.” Pietro said, we all turned to him.
“What do you mean?” Sam asked.
“We make bets.” Pietro answered.
“I love it.” I said.
“I am in.” Natasha smirked and high-fived Clint.
“We are always in for some cash.” Clint said.
“Me too. But I don’t need cash. Seeing the impression on your faces will be enough for me.” Tony said, smirking.
“150 on (Y/N) and Steve. (Y/N) can beat his ass.” Natasha said.
“You serious? Have you seen the size of Cap?” Pietro asked, looking confused.
“I don’t think we should do that.” Steve said.
“You scared, Spangles?” I smirked. Natasha and Clint deserved some cash.
“I wouldn’t want to hit a lady.” He said, raising his eye brows at me.
“Come on Capsicle. Let me see what you got.” I said, smirking at him. He smirked at me. he got up and walked out. I jumped out of my seat and followed him, everyone else did the same.
We all got in the training room, I got into the rink, followed by Steve.
“DON’T CRY WHEN YOU LOSE ROGERS!” Natasha yelled from her seat, I couldn’t help but smirk.
“MAKE US SOME MONEY FIREBALL!” Clint did the same.
“I HAVE MY MONEY ON YOU CAP!” Sam yelled out to him, earning a glare from me.
“You will regret that Wilson.” I smirked. Then, the most weird thing happend. Wade ran into the training room, took a seat, shoved his sandvich to his mouth and cheered for me.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked.
“I couldn’t let him to miss this.” Peter answered.
“So, me, Clint, Tony, Peter and Wade, we have our money on (Y/N). Pietro, Sam, Bruce,Thor, Wanda and Rhodey on Cap. And Bucky didn’t say anything.” Natasha explained. I looked at Bucky, he looked amused.
I streched my arms and legs, getting ready. I turned to Steve, he looked more than ready.
The thing Steve realized about (Y/N) was that, she looked like she could do anything, which she problebly could. She looked like she was capable of anything. The look on her eyes were unexplainable: she was strong, confident, cocky.
She held her hands behind her back. He made his first move, tried to punch her, she avoided him, her hands still on her back. Steve made another move to knock her out, which she eazily avoided again, not using her hands.
Steve started to make faster moves, that didn’t work on her. He didn’t even get to touch her once, even though she wasn’t using her hands.
“She is playing with him.” Bucky said, he wasn’t expecting that.
“That’s what she does pal.” Wade answered.
(Y/N) made her first move by kicking Steve when he was about to punch her. He fell on the ground, hard.
“I know you are more than this Rogers. So get up and show me what you really got before you embrass yourself more.” (Y/N) said looking at Steve from up.
“You like to play, don’t you?” Steve said as he got up.
“You know what they say Cap, boys play with toys, girls play with boys.” (Y/N) said, smiling brightly, challenging him.
Steve got up, this time more ready. He made his moves faster, made it impossible for her to avoid them without her using her hands.
He raised his right arm to punch her, she caught it and he raised his other arm to punch her, she just jumped up and wrapped her thighs around his neck, and did Natasha’s move on him. Next thing he knew, he was laying on the ground with her thighs wrapped around his neck. He quickly got out of that position, which was so fast she didn’t see how. He got on top of her and sat on her legs, pinned her wrists to the ground. She wasn’t able to move.
“Got you.” He said.
“Buy me a drink first soldier.” She said and rolled right, getting out of his hold. She jumped on her feet like he did.
They walked a circle around each other.
Now their real fight was beginning.
They ran towards each other. He avoided her moves, like he did hers. They were so focused on trying to hit each other, they couldn’t even hear the others cheering for them.
“NOW WE ARE TALKING!” Wade yelled, clapping his hands.
(Y/N) caught Steve’s arm and she flipped him around like he was a piece of cake. He didn’t expect that. How could she be so strong?
She jumped on him. Hitting him hard on the stomach. He moaned but recovered quickly and threw her off him. They both were sweating and taking deep breaths. (Y/N) pushed her hair out of her face, her eyes showing no less confidence then before.
She raised her arm to punch him, he grabbed her arm and spun her around, pinning her against him, his front to her back. She struggled then elbowed him on the head, getting out of his grasp. She  rolled on the ground and swept her leg under Steve’s feet, tripping him. She got up as soon as he fell down and  sat on his stomach. She punched him in the face. When he got all fuzzy, she turned him around, now she was sitting on his back. She took his hands and placed them behind his back, pinning him to the ground even harder.
“I’ve never thought we would see this day.” Sam said.
She was going to say “Got you.” but she knew Cap was capable more than that, that he could get out of that position.
Steve pulled himself together, he pushed himself up, getting his hands out of her hold. He rolled away, now he was laying on top of her. Ouch, she thought.
He quickly got up and recovered.
“You are heavy Cap.” She said and got up. She took a look at herself, she was sweating, and her blouse was ripped.
“Are you serious? When did that happen?” She asked, looking at her blouse. Her bra was showing.
“I’ll buy you a new one.” He said and ran forward to attack her.
Steve shoved (Y/N) to the ground and got on top her. Just when he was about to hit her, she kicked him in his balls with her knee.
Steve moaned in pain and (Y/N) pushed him off her. She got up and fixed her hair, then looked at Steve, laying on the ground.
(Y/N) gave him a hand to help him out, Steve acted innocent and held her hand, only to spin her around again. He wrapped his arm around her neck, tight.
(Y/N) was caught off guard, she placed her hands on his arm, trying to get his arm off her.
Then she heard the voice in her mind. Losing? Again? Is that why I trained you, huh, you little bitch?!
It was her mother’s voice.
Steve got up and pulled (Y/N) up with him. She was pressed against him, and she wasn’t strong enaugh to get his arm off her. But, she knew exactly how to get out of that position.
She bended a little, and flipped Steve over her shoulder to the ground. (Y/N)’s team cheered.
“THAT’S MY GIRL!” Wade yelled at the top of his lungs, making (Y/N) smirk.
“We have to train more often.” Steve suggested from the ground. They would be the perfect sparring couple.
“I know. We have lots to teach other. Get up now. I want to beat your ass some more.” (Y/N) said, Steve smiled and got up.
Their fight lasted for a while. None of them was sure how much, but they decided to get them off the rink, because both of them got back up each time, no one was winning.
“I could do this all day.” (Y/N) whined.
“I know baby.” Wade got her off the rink.
“Where did you learn to fight like that? Your moves were just like Natasha’s.” Steve asked, sitting next to them. Everyone was sitting in the shape of a circle, waiting for an answer from (Y/N).
“My mother was Russian.” That was all she said to explain.
We were all in the jet, well, except Wade. We were going to Barton’s farm. I was sitting between Steve and Natasha, in front of Tony and Clint.
“So, tomorrow is Saturday. You all know what that means, right?” I asked with a evil smile on my face.
“Tower or bar?” Tony asked.
“Tower. I really like the tower.” I answered to Tony.
“Oh and Mrs. Barton should come!” I cheered, looking at Clint.
“We can’t. Kids—”
“Babysitter.” I said, cutting him off.
“I am not letting you or your wife age. You two will be at the party and have good time, together.” I said.
Clint knew whatever he said I wouldn’t accept it so he just nodded. I smirked.
“We have arrived.” We heard the auto pilot’s voice as we landed. We all walked towards the doors and got outside.
It was beautiful. The trees, flowers, the farm, everything. The sun was going down, and we had to perfect view to watch it.
“You like it?” Clint asked me as I kept staring around. We kept walking towards the farm.
“I love it.” I saw that Laura came out from the farm, waiting for us at the door step, Nathaniel in her arms. Clint started to walk faster, he problebly didn’t even notice it. I smiled. When we arrived at the door step, they kissed and Clint took Nathaniel to his arms. Then he wrapped his one arm around Laura and turned to me.
“Laura, this is (Y/N), (Y/N), this is my wife Laura.” He said and I walked over to them.
“It is so nice to meet you!” I said and gave her a quick hug.
“You too! I heard so much about you.” She smiled at me and I returned it. Then the kids came in, “Daddy!”
“Hey!” Clint cheered and hugged them. Both of the kids then went to the others and hugged them too. It was beautiful to see them like that.
“Kids, this is Aunt (Y/N), why don’t you introduce yourselves?” He said and pointed me.
“Hello. I am Cooper.” The boy said and I smiled.
“Hey Cooper. It is really nice to meet you.” I said and smiled to him, shaking his hand.
“I am Lila. Hi!” The little girl said and gave me a hug.
“Can you control fire? Is it why daddy calls you Fireball?” Cooper asked, his eyes wide, Lila looked at me with the same exicited expression he did.
“Yes, I can.” I smiled and they looked at each other, eyes still wide.
“Can you show us?” Lila asked, jumping.
“No sweetheart. That’s dangerous.” Clint said. Their faces fell off, I mouthed to them ‘I will’ when Clint wasn’t looking. They smiled brightly.
I followed the kids to the barn. They were so exicited to show me around, and Pietro.
“Can you show us now?” Cooper said, exicited.  I knew what he meant.
I raised my hand, and imagined that I had flares coming out from my fingers.
“Woow.” Cooper and Lila said at the same time, they were so interested. Pietro’s eyes were wide like theirs too.
I put the fire off and smiled at them.
“I think you kids should go inside now, your daddy would be worried.” Pietro said, looking serious.
“Okay.” They both said and ran back to the house.
“Why did you do that?” I said, more like whined to him.
“You know why.” He smirked.
“No I don’t. Why don’t you explain?” I said playfully, taking a step towards him. He smirked.
“I wanted to be alone with you.” He said, his voice deep, driving me crazy.
“Yeah, too bad that won’t happen.” I heard Peter’s voice, and I unfortunately took my eyes off Pietro and turned to him. I took a step back from Pietro and I gave Peter what-the-hell look.
I saw Pietro rolling his eyes.
“Why don’t we 3 good friends have some beer?” Peter asked and raised the beer cans. He took a seat in the garden, expecting us to sit next to him. I looked at Pietro and walked towards Peter. I sat next to him and took a beer.
Pietro zoomed next to me and took one himself. 3 of us sat in an awkward silence for a while, just drinking our beers.
“Okay. Why don’t we play a game?” Pietro suggested, we turned to him.
“What game?” I asked.
“Truth or Dare.” Pietro answered, looking at Peter.
“I am in.” Peter answered. This will be interesting. My protective best friend and the guy he tries to protect me from.
“Why don’t you start Pietro?” I said and took another sip from my beer.
“Truth or dare, (Y/N)?”
“Truth.” I answered.
“When did you and Peter meet?” He asked me, looking too much curious.
“A few years ago, in a museum.” I answered.
“My turn.” I said and turned to Peter.
“Truth or dare?” I added.
“Dare.” He answered.
“Try to lift Mjolnir, again.” I said, smirking.
“What? He would laugh again for hours!”
“I know.”
“Okay. I’ll do it on the way back to home.” He accepted and we went on.
“Pietro.” Peter said and turned to him.
“Truth or Dare?”
“Truth.” Pietro answered.
“Have you broken up with Erica yet?” Peter asked, challenging him. Pietro’s jaw did the thing. I felt the tension rising. I didn’t even know who Erica was but what was going on, but I could understand that something was wrong.
“Yes, I did.” He said, his voice kind of pissed off. When he opened his mouth I spoke before he could.
“Okay. Okay. Why don’t we go inside? Come on.” They both walked up, whining like little kids. They followed me back inside.
There were no seats left so I just fit myself in between Bucky and Steve. Peter and Pietro had to pull a chair.
Steve’s eyes flickered around the 3 of us.
“Eveything okay?” He asked, his voice low.
“Nothing that couldn’t be handled.” I answered. Clint was sitting right next to Steve, holding Nathaniel.
“May I?” I asked, begging him with my eyes.
“Sure.” He said and I took the baby carefully, holding him like he is the most precious thing in the world, actually he is.
“Oh my god.” My voice sounded like a whisper. He was so adorable. Soon, the conversations were over and everyone was looking at me.
“He is so adorable.” I said, turning to Clint and Laura. Clint had his arm around her and both of them were smiling at me.
I wondered if I could my own child like that one day.
We were on the jet heading home, it was past midnight.
I streched my arms, I was soo sleepy. I layed my head on the person-sitting-next-to-me’s shoulder and shut my eyes.
I opened my eyes slowly, I have had a good sleep. Someone must carried me to my room, I thought.
But it wasn’t my room, it was Bucky’s. I looked around for him, he wasn’t on the bed with me even though there was enaugh space. He was laying on the floor, sleeping.
“Hey.” I whispered and placed my hand on his shoulder. He woke up immediatly.
“Good morning.” He murmured.
“I can’t let you sleep on the floor. Come up.” I said and pulled him.
“If you are fine with it.” He said and got up, layed next to me. The clock on the wall showed 5am.
“I was going to take you to your room but it was locked and-”
“It is okay. I guessed it. I don’t think you kidnapped me.” I smiled softly.
“Come on, sleep now. We have more time.” I said and burried my face to Bucky’s pillow. It smelled just like him.
He looked so tense, how can he sleep like that.
“Hey.” I said and got his attention, “Relax.” He was always on watch.
“You are safe.” I added. He softened a little.
“Will you stay, please? Till’ I wake up?” He asked.
“Yes, of course.” I said and he closed his eyes. He was shirtless, so I pulled the blanket on him. Then I closed my eyes too, letting myself fall asleep.
I did fell asleep, only to be woken up by Bucky. He was clearly having a nightmare. He was shaking, his body was tense. He was mumbling something but I couldn’t understand.
I sat up straight and rolled over to him. You forced him to let his guard down and sleep, now he is having a nightmare. This is on you (Y/N).
Waking him up was dangerous, but it didn’t scare me. I put my hands on his shoulder, shook him slowly.
“James. Hey. Wake up.” He opened his eye way too fastly, he jumped up and placed his hands on my neck and pressed me to the bed. His hands were tight around my neck, but he wasn’t choking me. A few seconds later, he pulled away, coming back to reality. My hands went to my neck, it was hurting a little. I was problebly gonna have to wear a scarf, I wasn’t a big fan of scarves. Second mistake (Y/N).
Bucky was looking at me, shocked. He was on his feet.
“I am okay.” I said, my voice coming out like a whisper. “It is okay. I forced you to sleep with your guards down. It is on me.” I added, sitting up.
“No. It is not.” He growled and he pulled his own hair.
“I am so sorry.” His voice cracked.
“Hey. I said it is okay.” I got up and walked towards him. He just moaned in response, still pulling his hair. I held his hands, and took them away from his hair. He had tears in his eyes.
“Want to talk about it?” I asked. He shook his head, which meant no.I pushed his hair out of his face and forced him to look at me.
“When I was having a nightmare, I sat the orphanage on fire once.” I said, remembering the horrible memory of mine. Maybe he would feel better about what he just did.
“You are not alone.” I said, giving him a sad smile. He looked at me with a look I couldn’t solve.
I hugged him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him towards me. He was still too tense, but he relaxed after a bit and wrapped his arms around my waist. He took a deep breath and burried his face in my hair. I could feel him getting more relaxed each minute in my arms. I smiled to myself.
After a long shower, I walked to my wardrobe, trying to pick something to wear that could go with my scarf. I had bruises on my neck, which would problebly heal in a week or something but I needed to hide it.
When I was done getting up I got out of my room and walked towards the kitchen. I got in and made myself some cereal.
“No good morning’s?” Pietro asked, raising his eye brow. They all turned to me, I mean Pietro, Wanda, Steve, Thor and Bucky.
“Where are the others?” I asked.
“Tony went to see Pepper. Natasha and Bruce are out. We don’t know where Vision is, and the rest are their own homes.” Steve answered. I took a seat next to Thor.
“Where is Jane?” I asked Thor. He turned to me, “She is busy with her work.” He answered.
“Sharon?” I asked Steve. He rolled his eyes.
“Nothing happend between us.” He said.
“If you say so.” I said and went back to my cereal.
“Then what are we losers doing today?” Pietro asked.
“We maybe single, but we are not losers.” I said.
“I am taking you guys out to mingle.” I added, smirking. They all raised their eye brows at me.
“I can’t–” Thor spoke, I cut him off.
“You are coming with us.” I said and smiled at him. He rolled his eyes.
“I am just joking. But we have the whole tower to ourselves.”
“What are we going to do?” I just smirked for response.
I kept laughing as we all walked back to the common room. We pranked everyone, leaving them a suprise when they come back to their rooms.
“They are gonna go mad!” I cheered.
“I like the way you think.” Pietro said, laughing with me. Wanda high-fived me and chuckled. Even Bucky was having fun.
“I know.” I said and gave him a playful smirk.
“Why are you guys not dressed yet?” Bruce asked, walking in with Natasha. We all immediatly stop laughing and turned to them. Oh the party! I forgot about that.
“(Y/N), what did you do?” Natasha asked, seriously.
“What? I didn’t do anything.” I said, giving my best performence.
“(Y/N), what did you do?” She repeated.
“Nothing!” I raised my hands in peace.
“We shouldn’t let the others talk with you.” She said and walked towards me.
“Heey! I am a nice girl!” I whined, joking.
“You are trouble.” She said, grabbed me and Wanda, dragged us to the elevators.
“I am picking your dresses.” She added and shut the elevators doors.
“I love you two.” I said as I checked myself up from the mirror. I was wearing a black short dress that suit me perfectly, my hair and make-up were done by them.
“We know.” I looked at Natasha and Wanda. Wanda was wearing a red dress that showed her curves, looking perfect, and Natasha was wearing a white one, looking like an angel or something.
“Now let’s go.” Natasha said and led us out of the room.
“Laura is coming, right?” I asked Natasha and she nodded. 3 of us got in the elevator and pressed the button.
“I hope Bruce doesn’t Hulk up when he sees you.” I said, smirking. Natasha smirked back, “The new guy I found for you will lose his shit when he sees you.” She answered.
“The new guy?”
“You’ll like him. He is business man.” She said and turned to Wanda.
“How about you? What is going on with you and Vision?” She asked.
I smiled, it felt good to have girl talk with them. Our lives were extra-ordinary, it was so nice to have something ordinary for once.
The elevators doors opened and we walked out. There were too many people, drinking, laughing, chatting. I saw Steve, Bucky and Sam were sitting at the bar, Tony was with Pepper, dancing, Laura and Clint were flirting on the couch, Rhodey was telling Peter his War Machine story, Pietro was with Thor, drinking the Asguardian drink, Bruce walked towards us and took Natasha away. I rolled my eyes.
“Let’s go get a drink.” I said and pulled her towards the bar with me.
“I don’t think that is a good idea.” She said as I kept dragging her, holding her hand.
“Good memories come from bad ideas Wanda.” I said and ordered 2 Bloody Marry’s for us. I smiled at her as she took her first sip.
“Wow. I didn’t expect it to be this good.” She said as she took another sip.
“Finish it. You will need it when I drag you to the dance floor.” I said, chuckling.
“I won’t dance.”
“You will!” I cheered, using my cutest voice.
Then, I saw Bucky from across the bar. He was looking at me too, my heart beat fastened. He was wearinga black suit with a black tie, his hair was commed back, he looked like a fucking god.
“(Y/N), this is me noticing you staring.” Wanda said and looked to the direction I was looking.
“You must be kidding.” She said, raising her eyebrows.
“It is nothing.” I said and fondipped my drink as she finished hers. Then I quickly dragged her and pulled her towards the dance floor, “No! I can’t!” I smiled as I kept pulling her.
Uma Thurman by Fallout Boy was playing. I held Wanda’s hands, making her dance with me. She was doing a terrible job.

“Is that my sister, dancing with (Y/N)?” Pietro asked, confused. Now they were all sitting together at the couch, drinking and chatting.
“Yes.” Natasha answered as she smiled. Bucky was still staring at (Y/N), she was just so beautiful, how could he not?
He kept watching her laugh with Wanda and forced her to dance.
“(Y/N) will be a bad influnce on her.” Tony said, joking.
“Natasha,where is Jack?” Laura asked, talking about the date Natasha picked for (Y/N).
“Who is Jack?” Steve asked.
“The date Natasha picked for (Y/N).” Clint answered and he watched Pietro’s face fell.
It took Bucky’s attention too, but he wasn’t sure how was he feeling about it. Was he jelous? He didn’t know.
“You picked a date for her?” Pietro asked angrily.
“You jelous Maximoff?” Peter asked, smirking. Tony chuckled.
“If you don’t want her to date that guy, you should go talk to her, right now.” Pepper suggested, taling a sip from her drink.
“She is right.” Laura said.
He was going to walk up but (Y/N) and Wanda were already walking towards them.
“Hi guys!” She said and gave Pepper a quick hug, it had been a while she last saw her. She had met her before Shield fell, they had been hanging out since then.
Everyone said “Hi.” to them and they took a seat, ordering another drink.
“Since when do you drink?” Pietro asked Wanda, raising his eye brow.
“Tonight.” She answered.
“I knew you would be a bad influence (Y/N).” Sam said, smirking. (Y/N) chuckled.
“So, why do you two boring parents don’t dance?” I asked Laura and Clint. They looked at each other and back to me. I rolled my eyes.
“I am not letting you two age. Get up Laura. We’ll dance.” (Y/N) said and pulled Laura with her as Clint chuckled.
“(Y/N), I can’t—”
“Yes you can! Come on!” (Y/N) said laughing and pulled her to the dance floor.
Everyone else smiled at them.
I took another sip from her drink as I kept dancing. Now I was alone, dancing to Kill Of The Night.
I am dangerous
I am dangerous and I might just tear you apart

Tony and Pepper were in their own room (wink),  Bruce, Natasha, Clint and Laura were gone too, which meant they were too. Wanda was with Vision, Sam was hanging with Steve and Bucky, Rhodey was now talking with Pietro, Peter was with Thor, trying to lift Mjolnir again.
I shook my hips to the rythm, I could feel eyes on me but I decided to ignore it, act like no one is there, but me.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around, seeing a tall dark haired man with green eyes. Gorgeous.
“Hi. I am Jack. You must be (Y/N). Natasha might have mentioned me?” He said, and gave me a kind smile.
“Yeah, hi.” I said and smiled back. His eyes went all around my body, than back to my eyes.
“May I buy you a drink?” He said, looking at me with flirtive eyes. Why not?
“Sure.” I said and followed him to the bar. He pulled my chair for me, and I sat down, he sat next to me.
“What would you like to have?” He asked.
“Bloody Marry please.” He ordered himself a whiskey and Bloody Marry for me. Then we started to talk, he told me about the company he was working in, and the places he had visit for the business. I told him about how much I would love to see Italy, and our talk went on. It was actually a fun talk, I enjoyed it, until he put his hand on my thigh and told me how ‘charming’ I looked in that dress. Then I realized I was having my 3rd drink while he wasn’t drinking, so it all made sense. He was planning on getting me to bed.

Pietro wasn’t happy with what he saw. A random reach guy flirting with (Y/N)? And she looked drunk. He took a look at Peter, who was talking with Thor, laughing.
That idiot was ready to kick my ass when I was flirting with (Y/N), what the fuck is he doing now?, he thought and walked towards him. He forced him to get up and he made him look at (Y/N)’s direction.
Jack’s hand was on (Y/N)’s thigh, and she pushed his hand, he placed his hand at the same place again.
“What is that fucker doing with my best friend?” Peter growled, earning looks from the others. Pietro was doing his best to not go and break that guy’s fingers.
Thor immediatly got up and held the boys back from their arms.
“We wouldn’t want  scene, would we? Calm your asses down.” He said to the both of them, earning a glare from both of the boys.
Well, Peter and Pietro weren’t the only ones that wanted to break the guy’s fingers. Bucky got up from his seat and rushed towards them. He caught the guy by the back of his neck and pulled him back, throwing him to the ground.
“Bucky!” Steve shouted. Steve and Sam got up and ran towards Bucky, who was punching Jack’s face with his human hand. They both held his arms and got him off the guy. Pietro zoomed to (Y/N), Peter right behind him.
“Are you okay?” Pietro asked, she nodded. Then she walked towards Bucky, who was struggling in Steve’s and Sam’s arms.
He was breathing too heavy and fast, trying to calm himself. When he remembered (Y/N) , he calmed himself, not wanting her to see him like that. He got rid of Steve and Sam’s arms.
Jack’s guards picked him up from the floor, and left the tower fastly before something else could happen, like other members of the team breaking every bone he had in his body.
“We should go to our rooms now, right James?” She asked to him and waited him to follow her.
“Will you be alright?” Peter asked before she could leave.
“Yes. Don’t worry. Go home, Aunt May would be worried.” She placed a kiss on Peter’s cheek.
“Good night Pietro.” She took Bucky’s hand led him to the elevators.
I got out of my room and walked towards Bucky’s when I was done washing up. I needed someone, I didn’t want to be alone. He was problebly not expecting me showing up at his door in my PJs and my hair wet.
I knocked his door. It didn’t take him seconds to open.
“Can I stay with you? I didn’t feel like being alone, I thought you wouldn’t either.” I asked shyly, waiting for his reaction. He took a step back so I could go in.
“Thank you, for the other thing and letting me stay.”
“You don’t have to thank me.” He said and got his pillow, threw it on the ground.
“Hey, I am sleeping on the floor I can’t let you do that.” I said and layed down on the floor before he could.
“No you are not.” He said and pulled me up and placed me on the bed.
“Then come sleep here. I won’t bite, I promise.” I said and smiled.
“You sure?” He asked.
“Yes.” I said and rolled to the other side of the bed, getting under the blankets. He did the same.
“I am sorry.” He said, looking at the bruises on my neck. I should have kept the make up on to hide it, I thought.
“You didn’t mean it. It is okay.” I said, looking at him.
“But I did it, didn’t I? Does it hurt?” He asked, worried.
“No.” I said.
“Don’t lie.”
“Just sleep Barnes.” I said and shut my eyes, hugging the blanket.
“Good night doll.”
“Good night.”
“GET UP!” My mother yelled as she kicked me in the stomach again. I moaned in pain, struggling to get up.
“I HAVE NOT BEEN TRAINING YOU SO YOU COULD BE SOME WEAK LITTLE BITCH!” She shouted as she kicked me harder this time.
I pushed myself up, trying to get srength from my knees. I finally managed to get up, stumbling. Blood was coming out of my nose and my mouth. My left eye-sight was blurry, I guessed that I had a black eye.
“Good girl.” My mother said with a harsh voice. Then she slapped me, I stumbled backwards, and held onto the counter.
“Now you will fight back.” She ordered. I raised my arms up like she taught me. I had no chance against her. I was around 9, too short and weak to fight her. I didn’t think I could if I was older either.
I dodged her first attemp to hit me, then her second, her third. Then she tried to kick me, but I caught it and pulled her leg, making her fall. I sat on her stomach, about to punch her but she was just too strong and she threw her off me.
“Not enaugh.” She said and kicked me again, and again.

“Hey doll! Hey! Wake up!” I heard Bucky’s voice, but I couldn’t wake up. She kicked me again. I moaned in pain. Then something started to shake me, the image of my mother beating the shit out of 9 year-old me slowly dissappeared.
I opened my eyes, taking breaths heavily, tears streaming down my face.
Bucky’s arms were around me, my back was pressed against his front.
“It was too real.” I managed to say, my voice cracking.
“You are here now, you are safe.” He said to my ear, relaxing me. I kept crying.
“Sshh. It is okay.” He said again, tightening his arms around me. I shut my eyes, feeling home in his arms. My breathing slowed down, I layed my head back, to his shoulder.
He didn’t ask me if I wanted to talk about it, already knowing the answer.
“Can we stay like this, for a while?” I asked, my voice coming out like a whisper, not opening my eyes.
“As long as you want, doll.”

Request/Ask anything you want, I would be happy to post. And please don’t leave me yet if you didn’t like it, I am improving myself and I have some pretty good plans ;) 

Much love everyone.

anonymous asked:

Hey I saw your post on the invisible sigil, and while I think that's amazing; I just want to warn you: please be SUPER careful putting anything UV related on skin often and/or for long periods of time. In many cases (at least all that I've personally seen) what they use to make those inks is made from cancer causing materials. This is also why it's not a good idea to get UV tattoos. I'm sorry if this comes off rude, I don't mean it like that. Please stay safe. <3

I really appreciate your concern. I am aware that certain types of inks are toxic. I promise, the ink I purchased is non-toxic, made from biological materials of thing that glow naturally, mixed with tonic water. Permanent tattoo UV inks are different, and are toxic as they have not been approved by the FDA, in fact no tattoo ink is. Water/alcohol soluble markers are different. 

If you have sources that show temporary water/alcohol UV inks are dangerous, please share them. I was not able find anything that says they are. Once again, thank you for your concern, safety for my followers and myself is always a priority.

I remember the last day I got high. Not just because it sucked, but because it was a pivotal moment that I knew I needed and wanted to get clean. It made me come to realize a whole dynamic of why I, personally, am an addict and have no way of denying it. I’m sure one can find this amusing if not relatable.

I used to suppress my feelings. When I chose to use get high, I actively gave my willpower over to a drug as long as it promised me I’d feel different versus anything I truly felt. As a child growing up, I was left to my own devices and three alcoholic parents. I felt change painfully when life began to show up for me and I had no one to truly guide me. I didn’t know how to feel about good or bad things in life. I did not trust what feelings were true or valid. Therefore I gave my conscience away in exchange for a life of clouded judgement, wreckage, and emotional unmanageability… We can imagine all these places we’ve been to.

They talk about living life on its own terms. Life is constantly changing. Change begs feelings. I thought feelings were the enemy because they were painful and deceiving. Needless to say, I’m right, but they are much more than that. They are opportunities for growth, happiness, and love. When I make the decision no not pick up, I’m forced to question my ability to reconcile my emotions. If something feels negative, I have to think about what I can do to make feeling go away in a healthy way. Taking action my pose difficult because it means feeling more negative feelings, like insecurity, anxiety, fear, and shame. Although working through something uncomfortable may be hard, but it gives me the opportunity to learn, grow, and be the person I’m supposed to be. Me, living.

Because when I stay the same I feel like I am actively letting myself die inside. I have to learn how to feel and let life change me for the better. You can’t have the good without the bad, but you can make the best of all the good and bad. And that’s not just life, that’s living.

The Conservatory, Part 3

Title: Where Angels Fear to Tread

Part One: Fools Rush In
Part Two: When We Met

Pairing: Sam x Reader, past Cas x Reader

Other Characters: Charlie, Jo

Word Count: 2,805

Warnings: Language. Ex-boyfriend being a douche. Mentions of alcohol abuse. Shades of emotional and physical abuse from significant other and possible TW for abuse, it’s VERY BRIEF. I promise more happy in the next part.

A/N: Jared with a guitar. I am not immune. Also, I am SO SORRY for this taking for-freaking-ever. First it gave me fits, then life happened, and then more writer’s block. BUT IT‘S HERE NOW! Please forgive me for the, what, month delay?

Summary: Both the Reader and Sam go to the San Francisco Conservatory of Music and meet by happenstance. Could it be true love or will the past intervene to separate them?

Tags: At the bottom.

It had been almost as you hoped, too good to be true; a quiet weekend. Too quiet.

You had heard nothing from Cas, which had been relieving, but also unsettling. You weren’t sure if it meant he was planning something or if he really had gotten the hint and left. But that’s not how Cas was, the other shoe had to drop soon.

There had also been nothing from Sam, which had been depressing, but you tried to shake it off. No matter how many times you checked your phone over the course of Sunday, it stayed silent and blank. You tried hard not to overthink everything, but your eyes remained glued to your phone anyway.

The only people you had talked to had been Jo and Charlie. Charlie was beyond concerned after you told her Cas had shown up at the school on Saturday and you wished you could take that little conversation back. Jo knew something was up but wasn’t pushing. Not at the moment at least. You knew she would soon, and if she heard about Cas, she’d turn into a mama bear.

Keep reading

She took me out to karaoke at the bar. It was fun, but… I decided to order a drink. All they had was beer and wine. I didn’t want to look like an idiot for not knowing what was on the menu, so I ordered the one thing I saw with the word ‘wine’ beside it and ended up with a fucking rosé. I don’t know anything about alcohol culture, but I suspect that anything called “rosé” is probably considered pretty lame.

All the same, she said she was glad I came out and that she was excited to see me after breakfast for the class she’s teaching my campers in the garden. I may have accidentally said “you’re so fucking cool” because I drank a shitty rosé, a shitty beer, and a cider. She lives in Ohio, though, and said she could visit me when I am back in Indiana! I gave her a copy of 'Annihilation’ by Jeff Vandermeer and she promised to read it…. we talked loudly about horror novels and Stephen King while people tried to have relaxing massages nearby.


Let it be known that I am the ultimate friend for unfucking a house that isn’t even mine. mitzismink is moving out of the apartment she was sharing with four boys and very few spoons between the lot of them and holy gods it shows (I love you I promise). This is just one part of the counter but I cleared everything off, swept off the various detritus remaining, and gave it a good scrub (along with the wall behind it) Not shown is the counter on the other side of the stove and all the cabinet doors that I also cleaned, and the giant fucking pile of dishes that I washed. I’m going back tomorrow to finish the kitchen and probly help pack too.

Girl Meets Drinking

Okay so in BMW they had addressed underage drinking with Shawn and I think it is a very important topic that I would want GMW to discuss once they are in High School. Currently, I am going to be a Junior in High School and I can promise that underage drinking is very common. I mean most everyone I know drinks and a lot of the time excessively and yes it can be fun but it also damages relationships and the person themselves. Personally, I would like for Lucas to be the one that gets into drinking. I mean Lucas has anger issues and divorced parents where his father lives in another state. Once in high school it would make sense that he would maybe look to alcohol to help with his issues. I think it would be a good topic to address and realistic for high school. Also, I think it would give Lucas a lot more depth in his character because so far this isn’t much and I think when they dive into his anger and family issues we see a more real Lucas than him being Mr. Perfect. I would love for his friends especially Farkle and Maya (sorry Riley but she doesn’t really do good in these situations) help him and for there to be some realistic interactions and scenes just as there was with Shawn. I want them to go into more depth with Lucas in High School because so far there isn’t a whole lot. Also I think this would show some great development for all the other characters as well. Maya and Farkle also have problems at home and it could help them grow too. Riley would see a more real world besides her rainbow land she seems to live in. Also, if we could get some Topanga, Shawn and Cory helping the kids with this.


I still managed to look cute today despite the minimal sleep and major soreness. I bought this dress a few months ago from H&M in a size medium. It was a perfect loose fit. Now I am struggling to keep my boobs covered and it is SO insanely loose / not snug anywhere. I’m a little sad because I love this dress. How am I doing this though?? My diet consists of mostly healthy eating plus pizza and burgers, shakeology, some alcohol, and minimal workouts these days (changing soon I promise). Not that I’m complaining…

Ok this one is for @mattismy11 who wanted 11, teenlock. 

Things you Said When You Were Drunk

I really don’t know why I’m here. The music is too loud, the house is too crowded, it’s just too…everything. But you’d asked me to come with you with those puppy dog eyes, and I couldn’t say no, even though I was secretly terrified. Because other people and me usually don’t mix well. I am not what you would call sociable at the best of times. And idiots under the influence of alcohol is not something I’m usually interested in tolerating. But you promised you’d hang with me for the evening, make sure I “stayed out of trouble.” What you failed to realize is that your very presence is trouble to me.

From the start, you were trouble. That day I met you in our Chem class. You turned to me and asked for a pen, and I was speechless. You were simply the most beautiful thing I’d laid eyes on. I don’t think I heard a single word that day, not that it mattered, the subject matter is incredibly dull, and I mastered basic chemistry years ago. Regardless, I spent that whole class staring at the back of your head, trying to figure you out. I knew your name was John. John Watson. Such a simple name, but you looked so much more than simple. I found myself desperately wanting to know you, but at the same time, I knew you’d never want to know someone like me.

I finally got the chance to learn a bit about you, when I realized you needed a tutor. So started the weekly sessions. I learned you were really bad at chem, but great at making me laugh. Your giggle was infectious, your eyes were pools I could lose myself in, and soon I was hopelessly gone on you. I tried to keep it under wraps, positive you’d never return the sentiment, but you make it so difficult. You always seem so happy when you’re around me, your smile lighting up the room. And you aren’t offended at all at some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth. It’s amazing to me that you actually enjoy my presence. So when you looked at me with those deep blue eyes and asked me to come with you, I couldn’t say no.

The problem is, now that we’re here, I’m wondering what we are here as. A couple of mates? An acquaintance? Was this a date? Oh, god. Did you ask me on a date? I want to ask you, but I don’t know how without feeling like a complete fool. I look over at you; you’re talking with a couple friends from the rugby team. I take a sip of my drink, thinking I might need some air. Just then you slide over to me and put your arm around my waist. I am frozen in place, every cell tingling with the feeling of your body so close to mine. But I am confused.

“John? I sputter.

“Hello, gorgeous.” You say. Your words are slightly slurred. Inebriated then.

“I’m sorry?”

“You are you know, bloody gorgeous. All cheekbones…and hair…” you wave your hand in the general direction of my face. “Your eyes, I could stare at them all day.”

I am flabbergasted. “You’re drunk, John.”

“And you’re beautiful.”

“Ok, we best get you home, come on.” My hands are shaking as I try and drag you towards the door. Every cell in my body is screaming at me to grab you, and tell you that you’re beautiful too, but I’m still afraid.

“Wait,” you pull back from where I was trying to drag you towards the door. “Wait. I know you’re out of my league, but I was hoping…nevermind.”

“What? What were you hoping?”

“That you’d want to go out with me.”

My heart is beating so fast I am sure you can hear it from where you are standing. But I need to know you’re sure, that it isn’t just the liquor. I want to say yes, of course I will. But I can’t take advantage of you like this. It would be wrong.

“John, ask me tomorrow. Ask me when you’re sober and I’ll answer, ok?”

You look defeated, but you nod and shuffle towards me. “‘Kay.”

I walk you to your house first, then take myself home replaying the night in my head the whole way. I’m an idiot. A complete idiot. I should have jumped at the chance to date you. Because there is no way that if you were sober you’d want me. Of course, I’d have to keep you inebriated our whole relationship, which although doable, not exactly the best for long term success. At least I can store away the memories of you calling me “gorgeous” and “beautiful.” Even if you were drunk, I will treasure them.

The next morning I wake up and roll over to grab my phone. Three missed texts. I swipe my thumb over the screen and smile when I see what has been sent.

John       10:27

I remember what I said. And I meant it.

John       10:29

You really are gorgeous. And brilliant too. I just couldn’t find the courage to tell you.

John       10:33

So, if you’re up for it, dinner tonight?

I can feel my smile grow impossibly wider. Fingers flying across the screen, I type my answer to you.

[Sent]     10:40