i am not a perfect man

everyday I’m growing and I know I’m not perfect by any means at all whatsoever but man I am realizing I am good and I am love and I love myself. I think that’s by far my greatest achievement in life and the only thing is I don’t know why I started off not loving myself in the first place? there is love in my life everyday and with every interaction I have and I am so blessed and thankful. each day I want to make a conscious effort to be better and do good and to love more. I’m happy. I’m happy being me and loving me and being by myself rn. for the first time in a while I’m not really getting kisses or anything but I have never felt so much genuine love in my life than this period that I’m living in.

2016: The Return To Anime

I used to watch a lot of anime before, but when I moved away from my friends whom were fellow fans of Japanese animation, I became really bad at taking any initiative to sit down and watch anything new. So my New Years resolution was to simply watch more anime during 2016 (for inspiration and entertainment)! ;D And in order to prove to said friends that I am indeed keeping my promise, as well as to take the opportunity to recommend good shows to others, I will be sharing my progress list and general opinions.

OBS: Some of these shows are not appropriate for an younger audience!! Before viewing, please check out  the recommended age restrictions, genre and potential trigger warnings!  

END OF YEAR UPDATE: 25 shows in total! Not bad at all considering that I maybe watched 2-3 shows the year before. But I still have a lot of series that I want to see, so don´t be surprised if I make a new post for 2017. ;) 

My personal top 3? I would say Death Parade, Re:Zero and Madoka Magica. 


ANIME COMPLETED:

Mushishi (S1) - Not a single cliffhanger in the whole show, so it makes for  perfect bedtime stories for teens/adults. The english dub was really good and the landscape art is 10/10.


Kino No Tabi/Kino´s Journey (S1) - Do not let the simple and cute style fool you! This show contains murder, cannibalism, suicide and war!! And it asks the hard questions in life!! RUN if you do not want to contemplate the meaning of existence!!


One Punch Man (S1+3OVA) - OK, now I know why this is in 4th place on IMDB´s “Best TV-series” list. The animation is some of the best I have ever seen in an action anime! It is simply stunning to look at and it is fun ride all the way to the out of this world (literally) finale. 


Sakurako-san No Ashimoto Ni Wa Shitai Ga Umatteiru/Beautiful Bones: Sakurako’s Investigation (S1) - Pretty much like an anime version of the TV-show Bones. I love mysteries where you have to follow clues in order to solve a murder so a second season is strongly desired.


Owari No Seraph/Seraph Of The End (S1+S2+10OVA) - Pretty predictable, but the the bloody fight scenes are fabulous. Needs even more angst thou (…she said even though a bunch of children are butchered in the very first episode….). >:3 


Death Parade (S1) - And there is all the angst!!! Do not watch if you do not like pain in your soul!! Heart cannot be repaired!! AHRUM!! Excuse me. The show is really well written and the artists really knew how to create the perfect atmosphere to tell this dark story.  


Free! (S1+S2+4OVA) - It feels like everyone and their grandmother has seen this show, so of course I fell on the bandwagon. For the first 11 episodes thou I was very neutral to it… But goddammit the first season finale had me sheering, squealing and tearing up!! (Let Rin be happy!!) Sadly only the S2 OVA had me laughing; apart from that episode, the humor was not at all up my alley.


Zankyou No Terror/Terror In Resonance (S1) - I really like the style and the smooth animation in this one. And DANG, THAT ENDING! If you like thrillers that are completely based on reality and science (like Beautiful Bones) then this could be perfect for you.


Wolf’s Rain (S1+4OVA) - I remember trying to watch this when I was like 15, but I never got past episode 3 for some reason. Which is a real shame because I think that I would really, really liked it then. Perfectly angsty and tragic for little wannabe-emo-teen-me. Do you like dark fantasies with pretty people/wolves? Then do not miss out on this one! 


Mahon Shoujo Madoka Magica/Puella Magi Madoka Magica (S1+1 movie) - Oh shit. Oh holy shit. I would never have guessed that this show, this thing that looks so darn innocent and cute in design and summary, would have me in so much emotional turmoil (very much like Steven Universe in that way). But seriously; amoungst all of the animes on this list, this is in my opinion the one with the most captivating story-line, plot development and characters (I simply had to watch all 12 episodes in one sitting). Some people hate the ending, but I think it worked really well (even though all the tears could have clouded my judgement). And if you liked the show, then you MUST watch the movie Rebellion! Also: One of the the best English dubs I have ever heard in my life!! UPDATE: I have now seen everything twice… I cry every times I see Homura on screen. (O_Q)


Kuragehime/Princess Jellyfish (S1) - I watched this before when it first came out but I had a hard time remembering anything from it apart from the characters. Glad I gave it a re-watch because it´s super cute and silly; perfect for when you just want to give your feels a break from all the angst and suffering other shows come with (*stares at the one above*). I also highly recommend the live-action movie based on this! :D 


Boku Dake Ga Inai Machi/Erased (S1) - This show is both intriguing and stunning! I love how modern animation uses lightning and this show is a good example of that (same goes for Death Parade). Downside: Stress, stress and even more stress!! Please, just let the small children live!!! My heart cannot take this torture!! D,,X But the stress aside, it was all worth it at the end. 


Jigoku Shojo/Hell Girl (S1) - My Golb, the young girls in this look exactly like the characters I would draw at 14-16. X,D The animation is just okay, and it takes a long time before we learn anything worthwhile about the main characters. But what made me watch a whole season (26 ep) was because of the interesting stories in each episode. It was fascinating to see how little/much it was required for people to give up their souls for eternal damnation in return for the death of a person they hated. 


Steins;Gate (S1+1OVA) - It took me a while to get into the story, but by the half way point, when shit got really intense, I was waaay hooked. I usually do not like stories that involve time-traveling because it makes my head hurt, but this (Like Madoka Magica) was really well written. I have very little to fault the show on ((apart from how the harassment of a trans girl is used for comedy in at least 2 episodes…)) and would recommend!


Love Live! School Idol Project (S1+S2+1 movie) - Decided to watch something really cute with sis again and this is what we ended up with. And oh darn it, it is cute alright! Everything is so sugary sweet and lovely, and good music too that you will hum on for weeks. Apart form the occasional funky looking CGI (which actually looks really good in the movie), the animation is top notch. A simple story about a bunch of girls and their lives and friendships when guys are not in the picture.


Makura No Danshi/Pillow Boys (S1) - Finally met up with my anime loving friends and this was one of the things we saw. The episodes in this are very short, all of which are about different types of guys talking to YOU before you go to sleep. It´s… different to say the least. Who was my favourites? Hmmm… I guess the guy from Ep 2, since I recall him the clearest. He also felt like someone who had known me for a while and I appreciated that. WARNING: Ep 10 did give me some extreme rapist vibes! BAD TOUCH!! (O_O)


Koutetsujou No Kabaneri/Kabaneri Of The Iron Fortress (S1) - If you like bloody action of high quality with humans fighting against superhuman enemies then this is most surely something for you. Many parallels can be pulled to Attack on Titian, but I would never call this a rip-off. All the animation is in the A+ class and there is this wonderful colouring/lighting effect they sometimes use for close ups which makes the characters look absolutely stunning. The level of details on the character designs also stuck out to me (A+ there too).


Shokugeki no Soma / Food Wars: Shokugeki no Soma (S1+S2+1OVA) - Also known as food porn. I had never heard of this until Dan and Phil mentioned it in a video and when I understood that it was about food I had to check it out. I love shows/stories that are centered around cooking (Hell´s Kitchen, Master Chef, Kitchen Princess, etc) so I really got hooked on this. Not only is the food animated beautifully, but you learn a lot at the same time. And the absurd (dirty) humor is so redicoulus that I cannot help but laugh.


Re:Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu / Re:ZERO - Starting Life in Another World (S1) - When I first saw posters for this show they never caught my interest. It looked so much like the generic fantasy harem anime that I just ignored it. But then a friend forced me to actually see it and BOY was I wrong. Let me put it this way: Imagine Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni but with a higher budget and set in a fantasy land. So if you enjoy blood, gore and mind games, check this baby out!


Ghost Hunt (S1) - I know that I had seen this anime when it was new, but apparently I never saw the final episodes of the season since I had no idea what was going to happen. But glad that I saw this again! Not the scariest or goriest show out there, but it is fun and entertaining. My favorite part is how all the characters get along even though they have different beliefs and ways of dealing with the unknown. 


Psycho-Pass (S1 + S2 + 1 movie) - Everybody were recommending this show to me and I understand why. There is detective work, blood/gore, and some kick-ass action; just right for me. However, I am not into all the tech porn (you know - when the put so much time and focus on weapons and other technology when they open up, charge, fire, etc. Not my thing!), but it was still a good anime. The only downside was that I felt very little when characters died, which was strange since I usually get attached very easily and morn fictional characters on a regular basis.  


Mayoiga / The Lost Village (S1) - Oh maaan. I was expecting something along the lines of Battle Royale, but this was nothing but a big disappointment. There was so much potential in the first episodes for this to become the next Another or Corpse Party, but nooo. Lack of death aside, I guess it had it´s creepy moments, but the finale was not worth the wait in my opinion. I was actually so upset by the final twist that I sat down and basically created an alternative version of the story. Same basic structure, characters, feel and pitch, but with a more classic psychological horror plot. I would also have put the focus on other characters over the two basic cardboard cutouts (I vote for Valkana and Nanko!).


Corpse Party: Tortured Souls - Bougyakusareta Tamashii No Jukyou (5OVA) - I had seen this before when it first came out, but since I am still in a Halloween mood I decided to give it a re-watch. Totally one of those shows that I cannot look away from (not only because I need the subs, but you know what I mean). Spooky details all over the place blended with intestines and body horror. I may not be a big fan of the Elfen Lied-wannabe character designs, but I would totally watch it a third time when I once again forget the ending. I was so shocked that all I could do was to stare at the screen while the credits passed by. 


Mira Nikki / The Future Diary (S1) - That moment you like the premise and concept of a show, but dislike the main characters. Damn that moment. It could be that the English dub makes the protagonists seem more douchey than what they actually are in the oringal Japanese version, or it´s just that they are both written poorly (IMO). But I like the background characters and there is some genuine tension throughout the show, so I watched it all.


Yuri!!! On ICE (S1) - I had been looking forward to this since the first trailer, so it was really really hard for me to wait until all episodes had aired before I had a marathon. But gah! It was worth it! There are no cliffhangers no, but the show just makes you feel so warm and fluffy that you want to see more right away. It is a sports anime, but the characters and relationships are so well developed that I would say to give it a chance even if sports isn’t for you. You will still fall in love with everybody and you just want them all to win gold and be happy!!

PS: Oh dear brother of mine, if you are reading this, be prepared for an anime night next time we meet. You and Jorge will love this! ;D


BONUS:

Kimi No Na Wa / Your Name (movie) - Hands down one of the best MOVIES I have seen this year. Well made, a story that pulls you in, heart-wrenching and beautiful music. This is totally up there amongst Wolf Children and The Girl Who Leapt Through Time and I will definitely be showing this to all my friends, no matter if they are into anime or not. 

Frequencies so low
Heart on a string
A string that only plays solos
Rain made of echoes
Tidal wave rushing on and on

Under the water you scream so loud but the silence surrounds you
But I hear it loud and you fall in the deep and I’ll always find you

If my red eyes don’t see you anymore
And I can’t hear you through the white noise
Just send your heartbeat I’ll go to the blue ocean floor
Where they find us no more
🎵On that blue ocean floor🎵

(Request some JoJo! | Commissions | Patreon)

A Glamour of Androgyny

“See me as I really am:

not as a woman, not as a man.

I am the beautiful space in between,

a perfect wonder to be seen.”

The incantation is really the important part. But here are some supplemental ideas:

  • Visualize your face becoming perfectly androgynous as you say this.
  • Visualize yourself glowing with a yellow, orange, green, purple, or grey light– all colors associated with androgyny.
  • Design a sigil for androgyny or use some of the ones already available. (There’s at least one I’ve seen.)
  • Enchant your clothes, makeup, jewelry, etc. with this chant.

For real, though, can you imagine how secure you would feel with someone like Athletic Man hanging around on your college campus? Like;

Girls end up staying late to study and are kind of scared to walk to their car/dormitory in the dark, but guess who’s around to make sure they get there safe?

He probably carries stuff like an epipen, a ventolin puffer, glucagon tablets, and a first aid kit with him at all times. He’s probably a member of the College Emergency Response Team, too, and has CPR and AED training. 

He leads a free ‘yoga in the park’ sort of event every week, and stresses that you shouldn’t compare your progress or your body’s abilities to those around you. Makes sure you know to do everything at your own pace.

He’d be so, so passionate about making stuff accessible for all students.

If the college has a bar/pub on campus, he hangs out on pub-night even though he doesn’t drink so that he can keep an eye on everyone and make sure that they’re all going home safe, or crashing with a friend.

What a guy.

omfg so they released some new characters for the mlp movie today

ANOTHER TIREK??? THERE’S MORE THAN ONE?????? I GUESS???? are we gonna go full-on lord of the rings up in here because this seems like witch-king shizz up in here

scREAMS THERE’S GONNA BE SEAPONIES FINALLY OMFG AND IT’S KRISTEN CHENOWETH AND SHE’S PERFECT AND A PRINCESS AND I AM IN LOVE AND I AM SO EXCITED I HOPE SHE SINGS

CAT????? PEOPLE??????????? FURRIES??????????????????

but taye diggs is awesome so i accept our new furry overlord

TELL ME THIS DOES NOT LOOK LIKE SOMEONE’S “I’M THE DAUGHTER OF SOMBRA BUT I BROKE OFF MY EVIL HORN SO I COULD BE GUDD :)” EDGELORD OC. but look princess snoots are canon. sea breeze doesn’t have to be mistaken for a man anymore. she’s probably real badass so i am on board with you, edgelord ~*~teMPest raven d’edge ShADow~*~


all and all i am hella hyped. Loving this new art style they’re playing with, too!

AAAAAAAAAA

Bruh, Mark’s video made me so uncomfortable. He didn’t even acknowledge that Felix dehumanized US. The way he says “felix is NOT an anti-semite” almost sounds like he thinks we’re ridiculous for thinking there’s even a possibility that he is. He’s joking, DUH, lighten up. Sorry not sorry man, but as a jewish person, I am very wary of goyim making jokes about Jews. One doesn’t have to consciously, proudly be racist/anti-semitic to say racist and anti-semitic stuff. I know I can say dumb racist shit that I hadn’t even considered might be fucked up but when it’s pointed out to me I apologize and learn. 

“I’m not even defending the jokes that he made, because even he has apologized for them” alright but you’re also not saying that you believe he went too far, that his jokes were inappropriate, or something like that? That would have been nice and made me trust in Mark’s reaction more. Felix is hurting, and I feel for him a little because being a dumbass doesn’t warrant death threats and “go kill urself”, but also? We are hurting??? Mark doesn’t seem to acknowledge that we’re hurt???? Also his whole intense, pissed demeanor is just off-putting but that’s my own hangup about men talking, and I won’t tone police him. Mark buddy I know you’re trying but you didn’t handle this well. 

But Seán, oh man, his video was comforting to me. l felt that he cared that people, not just Felix, were hurt. He was calm and kind and ready to be like “yo I love this guy but he did something stupid and had to face the repercussions, and tbh that’s fair. Let’s all grow from this.” Thank you, Seán.

3

I guess the hardest thing is having so much love for you and it somehow not being returned. I develop crushes all the time, but that is just misdirected need for you. You are a hole in my life, a black hole. Anything I place there cannot be returned. I miss you terribly. Ci vedremo lassu, angelo

As far as Destiel goes, I am super torn between shipper Sam, and totally oblivious Sam:

Either, he has known they love each other for years (longer than Cas and Dean even), has been trying to drop subtle hints for ever, is so done with the staring and sexual tension whenever they go anywhere, owes his perfected eye-roll to these two idiots, probably has an account on some Supernatural fan site where he vents, has already half written his best man speech, and is THIS close to locking them both in a cupboard until the penny drops.

Or, he has always prided himself on his observation skills as a hunter, but where his brother and the angel are concerned he doesn’t have a clue. Dean gets up with a hickey on his neck and Sam wonders when the hell he had time to go out last night. They are sitting, staring at each other, and Sam just thinks, thank God for some quiet, I can get on with this research. He does frown when Dean insists on booking a separate motel room to him, but Sam’s got a cold at the moment so hey, maybe his brother doesn’t want to listen to him snore. In the end, it’s a tiny thing that gives the game away. The faintest brush of Dean’s fingers over Cas’s knuckles as he serves dinner one day in the bunker. And every little thing from the last six or so years suddenly slots into place, and Sam almost falls out of his chair laughing. 

Joker Imagine - You’re a vampire

sotinycynthia-17 said:Could you please do an imagine where the reader is a vampire and j finds out?

/Here it is. I tried haha


Originally posted by jokerish-darkish-mindish

Originally posted by blacksilk-gothmodel

Your P.O.V.

I thought I had found the perfect resolution for my life. I thought that he’d never find out, but boy I was wrong.

I am a vampire.

A couple months ago I met my boyfriend, the one and only Joker. I was on a desperate hunt for fresh human blood. So I followed this juicy looking man to an alley where I attacked him. Little did I know that I was being watched. As I hit the guy’s head from behind and then got him down on the ground, I heard laughter. It made me tighten my grip on my victim and look around. I was so hungry, so angry and so bloodthirsty that I wouldn’t let anyone bother me.

As my victim was wiggling beneath my strong touch, the person stepped out of his hiding place. That’s when I saw Joker. I remember how his cold eyes met mine and his red lips curved into a wicked smile. ‘’I haven’t seen such a pretty girl take down such a big and strong guy in a very long time’’ Joker broke the silence with his carefully chosen words that sounded crazy from his mouth. I liked it.

I had just stared at him and held myself back from biting into my victim. I couldn’t let anyone see me, at least not fucking Joker. ‘’Why are you after..’’ Joker started and kneeled down. I watched as he kneeled down in front of the man who was scared for his life. Joker touched his jaw with his hand, hidden behind a white glove. I couldn’t deny that he looked very attractive all dressed up right in front of me. He was very interesting, I had admit it. ‘’..this fella here?’’ Joker finished his question. I yanked my victim’s hair and made him yell out loud, but I put my hand in front of his mouth.

‘’Just..killing my boredom Mr. J’’ I replied with a tough voice. He faced me again and smirked. I knew that I shouldn’t have kept looking at him, but I simply couldn’t bring myself to look away. I think at that moment he sneaked inside my soul and did something that made me want to stay.

I wanted him.

Not in a victim way, but something more..serious. I wanted to belong to this crazy man. I could already picture us together.

And my thoughts came true.

We saw each other at his club for a few weeks. I came by usually on Saturdays and he happened to see me there. Our ‘innocent’ talks developed into more heated discussions and until recently Joker and I took a big step forward. I wasn’t quite sure what I was thinking tho. He wanted me to be his partner, aka his girlfriend. I said yes.

How foolish.

We had been together for a little while now and I was just anxiously waiting for him to find out my big secret. We went out together at night, because I told him I hated days. I also slept all day and he did too so it was perfect. But I was scared to kiss him with tongue because he’d definitely feel my sharp teeth. I avoided mirrors. I just tried my best to act human. When we killed for fun and he left, I would come back to our victim and drink up the precious blood. 

There was a myth that vampires couldn’t eat anything else, but that was wrong. Or else Joker would have known something was wrong. 

       My eyes looked at the man we had killed a few minutes ago. His body was against the wall and he was bleeding from his wounds we made. Joker walked back to the car and I promised I’d be there soon. Little did he know I was going to suck this man completely empty of blood. I stepped closer to our victim and I noticed something. He still had a pulse.

It just made me smile. ‘’The fresher, the better’’ I muttered to myself and then grabbed his head so I could lean closer to his neck. As I opened my mouth, I already tasted his blood in my mouth. My senses were really sensitive which I liked. I could know what people’s blood tasted like by being close to them. For some reason I never got a temptation to drink Joker’s blood. It was strange, but right now I had other things to think about.

I sunk my sharp teeth into his neck, piercing his veins and then I attached my lips onto his skin. Then I could drink up. Just as I got started, I heard someone sneaking up to me. ‘’Y/N ‘’ I heard a familiar yet confused voice. My eyes widened and I dropped our victim down, quickly wiping my mouth with my arm. Then I did a cool thing where I made my fangs look like normal teeth again.  I turned around to face Joker. Our eyes met and I felt like a little girl caught stealing candy.

His face said it all. He was shocked and confused. Although I doubt he was scared, but I knew he was disappointed I hadn’t told him anything. ‘’I can explain..’’ I broke the silence between us. It didn’t make me feel any better. ‘’When were you planning to tell me?’’ Joker raised his voice and made me step back. He had never been angry with me so I wasn’t sure what to do. ‘’I kinda..uh I don’t know..’’ I mumbled nervously and looked away from his face. I screwed up.

Suddenly I felt his hand on my jaw. He was breathing heavily and he tried to make me look at him. ‘’Are you really a vampire?’’ He almost growled. My eyes stung, but I didn’t cry. I was just sad that I was caught. Instead of speaking, I just nodded. ‘’So that’s why my baby never made out with me’’ Joker purred and surprised me. I faced him and saw a big smile on his face. 

‘’W-why aren’t you mad?’’ I stuttered because I was surprised. His eyes were full of adoration.It really threw me off. ‘’Because that’s hot’’ Joker giggled darkly and then made me smile. I didn’t care about getting in trouble now, so I just jumped at him and gave him a big hug. Joker didn’t mind that I hugged him first. He wrapped his strong arms around me and then took a deep breath.

‘’Damn baby..You’ve got to show me all your tricks’’ He spoke happily and then pulled back so he could face me. ‘’With pleasure’’ I promised him. His blue eyes were darker. It’s like he was turned on. ‘’You need to promise me something’’ He suddenly got all serious. I nodded, allowing him to continue. ‘’Never bite me when you’re blowing me’’ He whispered into my eyes and it made me laugh softly. ‘’Don’t worry, you’re in safe hands’’ I tried to reassure him. J slapped my bum playfully. 

‘’I think that you’re the real batgirl Y/N’’ Joker thought out loud. I rolled my eyes. ‘’haha that’s funny’’ I tried to say seriously, but I couldn’t help but to chuckle. I knew he’d make so many jokes about me being a vampire and how vampires had things to do with bats.

‘’Now go get him baby’’ He encouraged me to finish our victim. I was more than happy to.

odd jobs

After years of struggling to make it as an actress in LA, I tore a phone number off of a community board flyer. The slip said “don’t call us, we’ll call you” and as soon as it was in my hand, my cellphone started ringing. I was invited to a white warehouse on the east side of the dusty Los Angeles river, where a skinny man in a faded beret told me that I was perfect. Walking home that night, I found a membership card for the Dream Actors Guild in my purse. Now every night from 10 PM until sunrise (and sometimes in the middle of the day for particularly long naps), I slip into your dreams and I am a pale shadow monster, I am your fourth grade teacher, I am your sense of falling, I am your lover’s whisper and how it tastes like heartbreak. The pay isn’t great - but it beats waiting tables.

anonymous asked:

I was impressed by you until I read that religious bit on your About Me page. You seemed like the perfect person, but you're just another brainwashed negro, worshipping the white man's religion. You probably date white guys too.

I was wondering how long it would take before that sweet sweet hate mail came in! And the magic number was five days!! Lol I hate to break it to you sweetheart, but the perfect person doesn’t exist. I just try to do the best I can and live a Christ like lifestyle. And yeah I love God,I will never apologize for that. I AM sorry however, that you’ve been brainwashed into thinking it’s a white mans religion. Sorry I didn’t include my dating preferences in my bio,  I figured that that was my business and not tumblrs, but rest assured, you’re not my type.