i am never taking these off

I need you now

Guys, I really, really, really hate doing this. I hate asking for help but that’s what I’m doing. I’ve been fighting with the electric company (they are basically billing me twice for each month and I’m pretty sure my meter is hooked up to a neighbor because there is no way I am using $300 worth of electricity when I’m never home) and I can’t afford to pay it. Let’s be real, I can’t afford to pay any of my bills. I can manage my car payment but rent takes me until weeks after it is due to scrounge up the money. All the money I make at my second job ends up going in the gas tank.

I can’t pay my bills and I’m facing having my electric shut off. I need help and I am not the kind of person who asks for help or accepts it willingly. I don’t like being that person.

I’m not expecting anyone to notice this or respond, but I’m tired of being like this. I’m tired of the constant anxiety and hours spent crying. I made a promise to myself and to you all that i would make it to Nov 11th, but it’s things like this that make it hard to go on.

TalesFromYourServer: "Your frown is about to turn upside down!"

I have had a rough month. All work and no play for weeks, slowly chipping away at my soul, finding it hard to stay happy in the daily grind of boring routine.

But then! A band my bf and I really like is playing in the next town over! Tickets are cheap! We haven’t been to live music in a while so we are so excited! The only problem is I am working a double that day, and need to take off about half an hour early to make it to the show. No biggie. I text my sweet, amazing co-closer and ask if she would mind to come in late and let me leave early. Of course, she says.

Then last night, we get SLAMMED. Terrible timing, tables flat out refusing to order, a very late rush. I’m busting my ass as hard and fast as I can while still providing great service. I never make anyone feel rushed. But the clock is ticking. I need to close out all my tables by 8:30 and it’s 8 and my other coworker is too busy to take all the tables. I’m in such a rush that I accidentally bump into a doorway with a huge, heavy tray of food and it knocks a bowl of hot curry that spills all down my back. Into my bra, my pants. Everywhere. I’m crying and cursing (way too loudly) and I already know that I won’t make it to the show that I have so been looking forward to.

My amazing coworker drops off my table’s food after a curry remake, and cashes out a to-go order I had while I’m trying to get cleaned up. She walks back into the kitchen and says “get ready to turn that frown upside down!”

I’m staring blankly like, what could possibly cheer me up right now.

“Your to-go? The bill was $49. The man handed me this and told me to have you keep the change.”

It was a fucking 100 dollar bill. On a TO GO order! I lost it and started crying all over again. Didn’t even get to thank the man.

It’s just so crazy how things pan out like that. I don’t know why that man left me that tip. Maybe he could tell I had just finished crying when I took his order over the phone? I’ll never know. Money isn’t everything but his generosity really made the most of a shitty night.

By: permasaudade

Writing in a coffee shop. In the study area there’s me, 7 other girls, and 1 dude whose name is probably Chad. Because Chad is the way that he is, he zeroes in on a pretty girl with her laptop out & headphones on and his thought process is like, “She totally wants me to talk at her for 20 minutes." 

So he chats her up, and when he’s about to leave he asks for her number. She politely says no. He’s all, "Then why did you talk to me? What’s your problem?” etc and finally stomps off in a huff like the grown ass man he is. His parting shot: “Well, GOOD LUCK making it as an actor.” (After which I’m assuming he high fived himself and whispered, “Nice one Chad.”) 

After he leaves, there’s like 5 seconds of silence before EVERY SINGLE GIRL in the study area just fucking CRACKS UP. It was the purest moment of human connection I have ever experienced. We are laughing our asses off. We are imitating Chad’s whiny pissbaby voice. I ask the pretty girl if that actually just happened. She says yes it did. I say, bullet fuckin’ DODGED babe. She laughs. I am reborn. We are all reborn. I don’t know what Chad was working on in this coffee shop, but there is a 100% chance it was 1. a screenplay, and 2. a remake of The Great Gatsby, but like it’s for millennials and a milquetoast white guy named Brent has a threesome with 2 beautiful hipster girls who both fall in love with him. It’s titled BOATS AGAINST THE CURRENT and it, like Chad’s love life, will never take off.

I still don't know if he ever got his coffee.

I’m not 100% sure this even belongs here and I’ve posted this story elsewhere so some of you might have read it already.

Some background: I work in a rather specialized area of Forensics. Officially I’m employed by Police Scotland but they tend to let other law enforcement agencies, universities, etc borrow us from time to time. A lot of the time it’s for consulting work or guest lecturing but sometimes we’re sent to teach training courses.

About 18 months ago I was asked to lecture at a training course for some of the CID higher-ups in an English Police force. It was the first time I’d done anything like it and I was crapping myself.

I met with the conveners and other officials for dinner the night before my first day, and after dinner and drinks, I was dropped back at my hotel.

So to set the scene; it’s about 10pm, I’m all dressed up in my evening wear and I’m sitting at the bar in the hotel lounge. The place is dead, it’s just me and the barman so I’ve taken off my heels and am unraveling my hair having just ordered a hot chocolate. The barman asks if I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. Yes, of course I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. No I don’t mind waiting while you run to the kitchen.

So I’m sit there trying to trick my phone into connecting to the hotels WiFi when Angry Man walks in.

He stomped into the room and slammed his fist down on the bar about 3 ft from me and barked out one word:


I didn’t know it but apparently that attempt at communication was aimed at me; a fact I learned a moment later when Angry Man moved right up next to me, bent over me so his face was practically in mine and barked out again;


In an attempt to get away from the screaming coffee man I slipped off the bar stool, putting it between the two of us. Extremely confused and more than a little terrified, it didn’t immediately occur to me that he thought I worked there, hell it wasn’t even registering that he wanted a coffee. He was just repeating it the same way a toddler does when they learn a new word but don’t entirely know what it means.

I’m going to blame the confusion, fear and tiredness for my completely moronic response, which was to parrot the word back at him.

Me: “Coffee?”

Angry Man: “COFFEE”

Then he slammed his fist down on the bar again. This time I noticed that he was actually throwing down money.

My brain suddenly came back online.

Me: “Oh. Eh, the barman should be back in a sec. H-”

Angry Man: “Get me a coffee. Now.”

Ooooh four new words. Progress.

Me: “I’m sorry, mate, I don’t work here.”

Angry man (shouting now) “You fucking lazy liar!! Do you think I’m fucking stupid?”

Yes, actually, but I’ll be keeping that to myself.

Angry Man: “Get off your fucking phone and get me a shitting coffee”

Me: “I really don’t-”

Cue rant about me being the only person in the lounge so of course I must work there and I was just being lazy and did I take him for an idiot. All while I’m slowly backing away from the bar so he can’t pin me between it and the bar stools. Then he throws in this:

Angry Man: “Do you have any idea who I am? Do you have any idea how important I am?”

I never got to find out how important this guy thought he was. Instead Angry Man’s Friend came wandering in.

He took one look at me; pretty much cornered by Angry Man who is now screaming about how he’ll make sure I never work again while I’m trying to calmly tell him to back off and he tries to intervene.

He took Angry Man by the shoulders and moved him back away from me while asking him what was going on.

Angry Man: “This stupid little whore is refusing to serve me”

Me: “I really don’t work here”

Angry Man’s Friend: “She doesn’t work here. Let’s just all try to calm down”

There was a few moments of Angry Man’s Friend trying to calm Angry Man while he ranted about getting me fired until two barman arrived, one of them with my hot chocolate. The presence of the three men distracted Angry Man enough for me to grab my shoes and escape with my chocolatey goodness.

As I left I could hear him demanding to speak to a manager.

The next day, after being introduced to a lecture theater full of high ranking CID Officers, I stood and walked to the podium only to be greeted by one guy in the audience laughing hysterically.

I just sort of froze trying to figure out the joke. Did I have food on my face? Was my shirt on inside out?

A quick check confirmed that, no. I’d managed to adult that morning.

A few other people began to chuckle as this guy struggled to get a hold of himself. As he regained control he pointed to his left.

Where a very red looking Angry Man was sitting.

I think it was the sheer relief that he wasn’t actually laughing at me that caused me to open my mouth and say to Angry Man;

“Oh did you get your coffee in the end?”

He walked out and I didn’t see him for the rest of the course.

Some shit I hate about bpd, in no particular order:
- codependency/fps being a thing
- easily addicted to e v e r y t h i n g
- form attachments too damn quickly
- breakdowns over the smallest thing, with no notice beforehand
- sobbing. For hours.
- “there’s no medication specifically for this”
- every doctor and therapist getting frustrated as hell with you
- pushing people away. Then being clingy. Then pushing away. Then
- severe depression without warning. Who knows where it came from. Who knows how long it’ll last
- the constant desire to self harm
- suicidal thoughts that never *really* go away
- am I getting sick, or is it Med side effects? Should I be worried? Should I care?
- really really bad at taking care of myself
- need to be held. Constantly
- the smallest thing hurts. So. Much.
- using every self destructive coping mechanism you can just so you can feel .5% less shitty for a bit
- “why can’t you just try harder!!!!”
- trauma making it worse
- do I have a right to be upset about this or nah?
- am I getting manic or am I just happy?
- going completely batshit insane sometimes
- hospitals. Ugh
- the extreme amount of work it takes to fix even one thing that’s wrong with you/that you’re doing. And the constant effort to maintain it
- relapse. Relapse. Relapse.
- being afraid you’ll never be able to have a career/get married/have kids/ etc
- the slightest change throwing you off

some bits of the second season of sense8 did i’ll never recover from:

  • the “who am I?” speech
  • every time all eight of them were together
  • capheus and kala and wolfie connecting through sex
  • riley and will tricking whispers with seagulls
  • all eight of them with sun at the cemetery
  • dani being lito’s agent
  • “are you sure?”
  • wolfie appearing next to lito when joaquin threatens him
  • sun not giving a fuck about lito crying
  • kala and wolfie sex
  • “wolfgang?” “ask for help?” “can’t picture it”
  • sun and her dog
  • lito screaming at the museum
  • “take your hands off my daughter”
  • kala saying “bring it, bitch”
  • all sensates coming together for the head move of wolfie’s on lila
  • sun showing sexist and transphobic motherfuckers you don’t mess with her or with her cluster
  • são paulo pride parade
  • amanita and nomi getting engaged
  • wolfie’s face when rajan kisses him
  • kala blowing up a car
  • sun chasing after her brother using only a bra and panties
  • will beating up whispers
  • “You want a war? We’ll give you a war”
  • every about this fucking season

lemme tell you i am so fucking tired of angsty vampires. its enough. 

give me a newly-turned twenty-something vampire who hears about their newfound immortality and is like “thank god,” then proceeds to invest in some promising startups and fucks off to take a nap for two decades

give me a vampire thats only the tiniest bit phased at the blood diet because “eh, i tried paleo a while back and it was just as weird”

give me a vampire with self image issues who never has to avoid mirrors again because - bingo - no reflection

give me a genderqueer vampire who finally has an answer when someone asks their gender. “are you a boy or a girl?” “i am a vampire.” “but whats in your pants?” “fangs.” 

best of all, give me a vampire chick who is so stoked about being nocturnal because she’s never been able to walk alone after dark before and it’s nice to be able to walk her friends home and know theyre all safe with her

Burr: Hamilton doesn’t hesitate, he ex-

Hamilton: dAmN riGht I DonT!🤑✍🏻 hesitate? NEVer 🖕✏️💰 I will never 🏋🏻‍♀️ STOP! 🚦🚀 you goTta WErK 👍 if you want to SuCcEd! 🎖🏆 i will WRitE,, till my DamN FIngeRs fall off 😩 if that’s what it TAKES to WIN‼️ I am an orpHan 👉🏼 👪 ❓❌ i DOnt nEED a FAmIlY 😜👏🏼 when I GoT MY TOp nOtCh bRAIn ‼️I WilL SPeaK 🗣 mY MiNd 😈👌🏼 ANd NeVEr BacK DoWn😎💗 FREeDom fOr aMERICA 🇺🇸🗽 JusT Do IT ✔️🎵


*Incoherent screaming noises* 

My track suit has finally arrived and it is so comfortable and perfect!! Sadly the costume didn’t include any actual skater skills what a ripoff

soon there will be a proper shoot with this costume but I still have to cut the wig some more because it is still a bit too long I think

I hope that one day when I’m lying on my death bed, I’ll look back at the times I spent with you as a teenager and I’ll smile because you made me who I am. You are a part of who I am. The drunk nights in the woods and the reckless days exploring. I will look back and be happy that even when I wanted to die, there were moments I was so high off adrenaline and happiness that nothing else mattered. You have given me so many stories to tell and I will never get tired of writing new ones with you. So when the time comes, when it’s time for me to take my final breath, I will be thankful that I grew up with you.
—  Yes sel, this is for you <3
things and states i aspire to achieve one day:
  • dedicating a little time to stretch my body!!
  • learning how to forgive my past mistakes
  • knowing when to keep off toxic people
  • not keeping all the burden to myself
  • never letting people walk over me
  • finally taking actions that im anxious of
  • not moving too much when im talking in class
  • have a concrete sleeping schedule
  • enjoying every chew of my every meal
  • learning how to move on and get over a heartbreak
  • loving my lil tummy
  • accepting that i am a human being that makes mistakes too
  • being a little less anxious when i talk to strangers
  • embracing my flaws
  • adapting to changes
  • getting a little less anxious when ordering my food
  • ovethinking way too much
  • constantly comparing myself to my friends or other people
  • staying hydrated
  • transforming and changing to become a better, happier person
  • taking my feelings into consideration before doing something
  • being true to myself and to the ppl around me at all times
  • becoming an inspiration to the ppl around me
  • being more considerate, appreciative, and patient
  • accepting that i am still growing up and i still have a lot of things to learn
  • Andrew: Sometimes it drives me insane, you know?
  • Bee: What does? What keeps haunting you? What nightmares are you having, Andrew?
  • Andrew: Their voices, they never stop.
  • Bee: Voices?
  • Andrew after a few seconds of silence: Kevin and Neil never fucking shut up about exy. It's just a never ending loop. It's like every moment spent awake is a nightmare. *looks off to the side dramatically and takes a sip of hot chocolate with shaky hands*
  • Kevin and Neil: *talking animatedly outside of Bee's office*
  • Andrew: I can even hear it now..
Hit Me Like A Ray Of Sun

“Bitty. Holy fuck.”

Bitty’s eyes fly open.

Ransom is only an inch from his face.

“Wake up, Bits.”

Bitty groans and holds onto the blankets but Ransom gets a good grip on them and rips them all off at once.

“Justin Oluransi I swear if you don’t let me sleep I’m never making pie for you again. I mean it. I need my rest. I was up late studying.”

Ransom snorts.

“I was to studying.” He only talked to Jack for ten minutes. Fifteen tops. “And if you don’t let me sleep for the remaining 25 minutes that I am allowed I am taking every single piece of dessert that I make here and bringing it to the LAX house. You’re going to ruin it for everyone.”

“Jeeze,” Ransom says with a roll of his eyes. “So dramatic. Just like your boyfriend.”

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Day One Hundred and Twenty-Two

-I approached the non-automated side doors to enter for my shift, only to find them open of their own accord when I drew near. Clearly, my overwhelming suave and powerful aura has a lot of pull here. Onlookers may believe this to have been the result of the strong winds, but I am confident that it was my aura.

-There will never be someone I respect more than a shopper in pajamas on a Tuesday afternoon.

-A couple in their seventies came through. As the man finished paying, the woman swooped in behind him with a fifty-dollar Bass Pro Shop gift card and a crisp Ulysses wrapped around it surreptitiously. The man, utterly caught off guard, questioned her about this, only to be told that she had found the fifty in her pocket and decided to surprise him. This is one of the sweetest moments to take place in front of this red counter I call home, and I am certain this has been a preview of the life and love I have before me.

-I looked out the front windows and noted a gaggle of middle schoolers gathered around the storefront, staging a large-scale photoshoot and taking turns acting as photographer. I respect their taste in both pastimes and backdrops.

-Once again, a distraught mother’s day has been saved by me sticking my tongue out at her child. I am beginning to consider offering this service at a charge; however, I cannot imagine the day where a giggling toddler with their tongue hanging out would not be payment enough.

Rhythm | Lee Joo Heon | One-Shot

jooheon (monstax) + you (reader)
word count: 7,233
warnings: i have no excuse for this flithy, graphic smut (that includes but is not limited to thigh riding, breath play, mild degradation, spanking, etc) and strong language (some slut shaming) and brief mentions of infidelity
a/n: i was inspired by the new mv and channeled that inspiration into a gang!au, bad boy jooheon sexy time fest and before you say anything yes i know he is a total squish in real life that’s why it’s called fiction :)

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Never do I post pics on here and especially like these because of all the creeps on here but this year I’ve learned to love myself. For the longest time I would be ashamed of my thighs, butts, boobs, cellulite and stretch marks but not anymore I’m glad to be who I am and how I am. I understand that not everyone will think I’m beautiful or none at all but I love me and that’s all that matters 💜

(If you take this caption off too sexualize me I’ll hunt you down)

Sometimes when I am editing, I have to wonder if other Brits go through the same disconnect that happens when a US writer refers to women’s underwear as “panties”. 

It’s especially jarring when I read it in fic meant to be set in the UK, and I just know the words “take your panties off” just wouldn’t fly, especially in Scots. Knickers, yes, and even briefs and drawers. But panties, not so much.

Like I know it’s in our vernacular too, and maybe I’m just showing my age (what do I know what the kids are saying these days, old thing that I apparently am), but panties just has such a juvenile and patronizing quality to it that the word just makes me want to shrink in on myself. I dunno, maybe it’s just me being to finicky. Which I suppose is kind of the point when you hire me to make accurate cultural edits like Brit Eye for the Yankie but whatever, I feel certain in telling you the word “panties” would not have been used in 17th century Scotland.

Although if you want to tell someone not to get their pantaloons in a twist, I’m 100% here for this.

We were young
and in love,
and very angry.
And headstrong. And we fought a lot. 
And it was passionate.
And we forgave each other endlessly.
And it felt holy. 
I never wanted you when you
spoke to me with a resentful
mouth. But there’s a life in your
eyes I am living for. 
And I make you so angry, 
you will leave me. And sometimes
I hope you do. 
And I live for you, with a pain in my bones.
Like bad milk. I ache for you.
I romanticise your realism, but
there’s nothing romantic
the way you would like to
spend less time with me.
Bu we ate chocolate in bed,
and we kissed a lot,
and you asked me to
take my
sweatshirt off.
And you say sorry
and I cry.
And you will love me,
till I make you angry again.
—  I Am The Sweetest Violence by Royla Asghar