i am never doing something that takes this long again

anonymous asked:

How should someone respectfully salute a woman they met for the first time?

Thank you for coming to me with this question.

The first thing you absolutely must do is accept the fact that a woman met for the first time will take it as a grave insult if you have no visible muffin on your person. Understandably one can’t be expected to carry around a muffin at all times, so if you come upon a woman whom you haven’t met before and you are, at the time, unmuffined, you should immediately cover both of your eyes with you left hand, and place yourself flat on the ground, face down, as quickly as you can (use your right hand for support). Then you must emit a sharp whistle, followed by a long voiceless alveolar trill, transcribed thus: [r̥ːːː]. This will indicate to the unmet woman that you mean no disrespect, and were simply caught off-guard by her sudden appearance. At this point, the unmet woman should continue on her way. Be aware that it is within her rights to step not just over, but on your body as she continues on her way (for more on this, see Corbitt v. Russell). If you believe that the unmet woman has moved out of your line of sight, you should ask as loudly as you can, “Are the frocks still on the bannister, or hasn’t Uncle Harry explained?” If you receive no response, you are safe to get up off the ground and continue your day. If the unmet woman is still within earshot, though, she will began to shake and hiss violently. If you hear this, it’s advisable to remain on the ground and to keep still and quiet. Don’t try asking again until a full hour has passed.

Now, assuming you do have your muffin with you, should you come across an unmet woman, you need not be alarmed. Whether or not the unmet woman has caught sight of you, you must immediately say, “Hop! Hop!” Say it quite loudly, but no need to shout. If the unmet woman is unaware of your presence, this will draw her attention. If she is already aware of your presence, though, she will take it as a sign of respect that you still went to the trouble of saying, “Hop! Hop!” With that done, place your muffin in your left hand, and then with your right hand, tear off a small piece. Having done so, raise your right knee quite high in the air (as high as you can), and then step down nice and forcefully, while at the same time executing a clockwise quarter turn. Facing this direction, toss away the bit of muffin in your right hand proclaiming, “To the sun!” Execute the same series of steps, and then, when facing away from the unmet woman, proclaim, “To the moon!”, and toss your second bit of muffin away. Repeating the same steps and facing a new direction, you will toss your third bit of muffin away, proclaiming, “To the moon!”* Finally one executes the last quarter turn and, rather than tossing, eats the last bit of muffin, offering, after the bit has been swallowed, “To a divine morning of auspicious portent.” At this point one executes a half turn, facing completely away from the unmet woman, and sits down, cross-legged. The muffin is then placed upside-down atop one’s head. If the muffin stays, the woman is considered respectably met. If the muffin falls forwards, towards the greeter, the meeting has gone awry, and the entire affair is considered a failure. If the muffin falls towards the unmet woman, she may replace it on the greeter’s head and give it another try, or she may toss the muffin in the street, continuing on her way. If the muffin falls in any other direction, this is considered a draw, and both parties continue on their way, officially having never met.

Regarding the type of muffin, there are at least nine different major opinions on the matter. Naturally, attitudes have changed through time, but most commenters agree that a non-apple cinnamon muffin is the safest bet. It’s prudent to avoid fruit flavored muffins of any kind before Labor Day. After Labor Day, it really depends on whom you ask. Most agree that apple is always in season, but Collins (1913) disagrees sharply. According to Collins, the only suitable fruit flavored muffin after Labor Day is lemon, but both Chesterfield (1869) and modern commenters Selwig (1994) and Mayors (2002) suggest lemon muffins are suitable only in the spring. As noted in Malcolm, Rodriguez, & Morgan (2016), modern women are far less traditional than in decades past, so it’s best to adhere to recent surveys of woman meeting practices, like Dante (2004), Huang (2007), and the seminal 2011 study “Muffins in the New Millennium: How modern women are redefining the commoditization of space in nouveaux interpersonal interactions” by Mansfield, et al.

The important thing is to not think too much about it. It always seems like a big to do on paper, but the truth of the matter is we meet many woman every single year, and with Amazon’s Prime Now, purchasing fresh, interesting muffins has never been simpler—or cheaper. So relax! When a new woman comes along, so long as you’ve got a muffin with you, you’ll know what to do.

(Oh, but of course, NO BANANA NUT MUFFINS. lol Sometimes it’s so obvious you feel like you don’t even need to say it, but in the interests of being thorough, there you go. And again, I really am just being thorough; please don’t take it amiss that I’m stating something so obvious! After all, we all have to learn some time, and this post may be someone’s first exposure to the art and science of respectfully saluting women.)

*For those wondering why one says “To the moon!” twice in a row, it’s actually a bit of a historical accident. Originally, one said, “To the mode!” This persisted until the 19th century, when some confusion was introduced into the system. In territories west of the Mississippi, it was common to say, “To the main!” on the third toss [for obvious reasons, given the region], and this custom was passed on in various forms further west and to the south. These individuals misinterpreted the word, though, and simply substituted a second “moon” in its place. This is the wording that came into vogue in California, when the short silent film A Dame for to Court was shot. The film was a hit, and played in theaters all the way from Avalon to Albany. Younger folk especially began to replace the original “mode” with “moon” as a direct result of the film’s influence. This at the time was known as “Doing the Dame”—a phrase which was grossly misinterpreted in later years. Its origin aside, though, the practice persists to this day.

on inevitablity

More on Percy and mental illness, definitely a companion to “on panic” and “on being older”. Written for @arkhamarchitecture, who said something that made me think of it.

She can’t put her finger on when it happened, exactly.

Vex watches him, twisting the ring on her finger around and around. (It’s beautiful, and perfect, and so heavy on her hand.) She watches him start sketches in his notebook and never finish them. She watches him as he starts to sleep in even longer, then stay up for two nights straight because he let the responsibilities he took from Cassandra’s shoulders slip.

She watches him force himself into intimacy. He gets off, and he never pushes her away, but she’s started counting how long it will take if she doesn’t initiate affection herself.

“Trinket, dear, go let Percival pet you for a while.” She sends in the bear, because she knows that will be less pressure. (Vex wants to ask Trinket after, if Percy’s said anything to him, but that’s not fair.)

She joins them one day, her fiance’s face buried Trinket’s side as he strokes the soft fur. Vex sits beside them and leans into the bear as well. “Percy, I think we need to talk about something.”

Keep reading

Send me a ╳

And I will randomly generate a number 1-45, to see what sentence my muse will say to yours. Mix of fluff, fairly mild angst, crack, funny, misc.

  1. “Please, do not leave.”
  2. “What are you doing?”
  3. “There is a spider. Get it. Get. It.”
  4. “Help me!”
  5. “If you shut up, I might be able to think of something.”
  6. “That is not helpful.”
  7. “I missed you.”
  8. “That is not funny.”
  9. “How do I look?”
  10. “Where are you going?”
  11. “Is there something in my hair?”
  12. “How long have you been there?”
  13. “Say that again.”
  14. “I am never doing that again.”
  15. “How would you like to be turned into a toad?”
  16. “It is staring at me.”
  17. “Why are you staring at me?”
  18. “You had best start running. Now.”
  19. “Cuddle me.”
  20. “You are soft.”
  21. “Your hair is soft.”
  22. “Would you like to cuddle?”
  23. “I love you most.”
  24. “Was I napping?”
  25. “Would you like to take a nap?”
  26. “Do you want to stay the night?”
  27. “I am hungry.”
  28. “Are you hungry?”
  29. “I cannot remember when I last ate.”
  30. “What did you feed me?”
  31. “Do you love me?”
  32. “That is ridiculous.”
  33. “You are ridiculous.”
  34. “You are beautiful.”
  35. “How do you use this?”
  36. “Do you have a death wish?”
  37. “Do not underestimate me.”
  38. “That is the last mistake you will ever make.”
  39. “Tell me a story.”
  40. “Hold me.”
  41. “When did you bathe last?”
  42. “There is a frog on the table.”
  43. “Keep that thing away from me.”
  44. “I can no longer handle your beauty.”
  45. “You were always beautiful to me.”

anonymous asked:

hi Alice I am to be 18 soon and I am starting to feel the pressure to be in a relationship quite a bit... (never even kissed anyone). Noone is consistently bringing it up but I fear it a lot, I don't know how I should react if someone brings it up again... gah, so annoying... and when my friends share their experiences I just feel like there is something wrong with me and it won't go away. how do you deal with friends/family?

this is something that can take you a long time to come to terms with. understanding the reasons why you haven’t experienced these things is an important part of that - do you not want it? are you unable to feel those sorts of feelings? or have you simply not had the opportunity yet? it doesn’t matter what the reason is, but understand why this is who you are can really help you start to accept it.

plus obviously you should know that not having been in relationships or had romantic/sexual experiences doesn’t make you a lesser person, inferior, less mature, etc. there is absolutely nothing wrong with you at all. you are just you. not everyone is the same or feels the same about romantic/sexual relationships.

find good friends who accept you. my friends don’t look down at me at all for being like this, though there have been people in the past who would sneer at me for it. i don’t know what to suggest with family, though. i counter their pressure by making jokes about it lmao.

anonymous asked:

can you please write a Embry imagine where he falls in love with a girl his best friend and doesn't want to act on it (because imprint in waiting) but a few years later he looks at her and just picks her up and kisses her and life happens please

Okay, well, honestly, i’m just going to skip to the few years because the first part would be boring tbh, so… yeah. I’m sorry xD And it might be short, but hopefully cute enough that it won’t matter? XD

Title: Best Friend

“Really? You haven’t imprinted yet? I thought you did?” Paul questions, furrowing his eyebrows together. Embry rolled his eyes at Paul, spotting (Y/N) on the beach. He stopped seeing her when he phased because he didn’t want to accidentally hurt her. But, he did have himself under control and had Paul to stop him in case he did. It wouldn’t hurt to see her… right?

Embry guided the two of them towards the beach where you lay happily enjoying the sun, which was rare, so you took the advantage of it.

However, feeling a presence looming around behind you, you turn around and spot the two boys in Sam’s group of friends. The one who apparently did steroids. The group that took your crush away from you. Immediately, you spot Embry, who is shirtless and you can’t seem to stop staring at him. That is, until you look up into his eyes. The gorgeous brown eyes you have missed dearly. He looks into yours, his face gobsmacked. He left you a while ago to be friends with Sam, leaving you friendless and depressed. You told yourself that the next time you saw him, you would hate him. But, you didn’t. You couldn’t seem to bring yourself to even think it. It was as if something was pulling you towards him. You wanted to be near him, touching his skin.

“Oh, my God,” the big, buff, and slightly scary guy next to Embry whispers in awe, looking between the two of you.

“Uh, yes?” you clear your throat, quirking an eyebrow at him.

“Nothing. I just, uh, nothing,” he stutters, watching Embry blink rapidly after coming out of his daze from staring at you.

“Nice to see you again, Embry,” you stand up, dusting yourself off. Before you know it, Embry lifts you up off of the ground and kisses you. You have wanted this basically ever since you met him. And so, you deepen the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“I am so sorry for leaving you. I didn’t want to, trust me, but I had to. I’ll never leave you again,” Embry pants through the kiss.

“You better find something great to make it up to me with, Call. Oh, and who’s your scary friend?”

“Scary?” the guy scoffs, “i’m a protective teddy bear.”

“That’s Paul. He’s a hot head, so watch out. Do you want to meet everyone else? For the record, we don’t take steroids,” Embry laughs.

“Oh, well, then sure! As long as I don’t die,” you shrug.

Honestly, I had no idea how to end it, so i’m sorry if the ending sucks!

Two Weeks - Part Three

Request(s): Part 3 to two years where Robbie does something extremely sweet to show he loves her and wins her back

Hi, how are you? I’m hoping great! Do you mind doing an imagine with like tons of fluff.

Warnings: none

Notes: decided to combine these two. be prepared for part 3 and some(?) fluff!

Part 1 || Part 2

Two weeks. It took two weeks of planning. Very delicate planning. 

Robbie wanted you back. He beat himself up over what he did, and although he said he’d be fine with never speaking to you again, that was a lie. He wanted you back. He never wanted to see another guy make you so happy. He didn’t want to see some other guy spend time with you. That was Robbie’s job, even though he felt like you deserved way better. And you did. You deserved better than Robbie, but today Robbie was going to prove that he still loved you. That he was truly sorry, and that he’d do whatever it takes to get you back.

You had no idea what was in store. Only Robbie, Parker, Sean Maguire–another one of Robbie’s good friends from OUAT– and a few mutual friends knew about his plan because they helped. You and your best friend had no idea about it. 

So when you awoke to someone knocking on the door to your friend’s apartment, you were confused. It was early, and anyone in their right mind knew that you and your friend would still be sleeping. Of course, being the light sleeper you were, heard the knocking. Your friend was still dead asleep in her room. It was only 7am.

Grumbling and groaning, you opened the door. There was no one there. Another groan came out of you. It was just the mailman leaving a package… so you thought. You looked down at your feet, seeing a nice, little white envelope. Your name was written on it in pen, a little smeared. Possibly, the person who wrote your name was a lefty. You rolled your eyes, picking it up and opening it.

To my Wendy Darling,
     Did you know I always thought you were braver than me? Did you ever guess that that was why I was afraid? It wasn’t that I only loved all of you. But I wondered if you could ever love more than some of me.
     I’m sorry, I hurt you, but if you come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned; just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in Never Never Land… you won’t regret it, I promise.
Love always, 
Your Peter Pan

You couldn’t help but giggle and smile, catching the Peter Pan quotes. Robbie knew how much you loved Peter Pan. Even before he portrayed Peter on Once Upon A Time, you loved the character. You loved the stories, the movies, the plays, and just about everything Peter Pan. You were even Wendy in your school play a few years back. When you first met Robbie and started dating him, you laughed at the thought of how you found your Peter Pan. Literally. It was always a joke between you two. The letter made you genuinely smile.

“Wendy! Wendy!” One of your’s and Robbie’s friends came running up to the doorstep. He was dressed in pajamas, and held a bear in his hands. 

“What? Chris, what’re you talking–”

“C’mon, John and I have to show you something, Wendy,” he grabbed your hand, dragging you out of the first-floor apartment. You were confused, but with him calling you Wendy and talking about ‘John’, you had a feeling of what was going on.

You followed your friend, Chris, as he dragged you to the pavement. You were met with another friend of yours, Robin. He had a top hat on, and was wearing his glasses instead of his contacts. 

“There you are! Took you long enough, Michael.” Robin spoke more to Chris. You couldn’t help but giggle and laugh at your friends. They were acting badly, but they were trying which made this whole thing more enjoyable.

You, Chris (aka ‘Michael’), and Robin (aka ‘John’) got into a car, driving off to somewhere. The boys had blindfolded you so you couldn’t see where you were heading to. When they finally stopped and got you out, they removed the blindfold. 

There in front of you was the ocean, a dock, and a boat. More importantly, a boat that looked kind of like a ship. To your surprise, Sean and Parker ran to your sides, linking arms with you. They both called you Wendy Bird. Rushing you up the ramp to get on the boat. You got the hint that they were supposed to be Lost Boys. You shook your head at them. These boys really out did themselves.

Another character came out. It was Hook. He was being portrayed by the guy you called the night of finding Robbie with Makayla. His name was Trevor, and seeing him in a pirate-like costume made you crack up. He looked ridiculous, but the costume was great, nonetheless.

“Wendy, you’ve finally arrived,” he said in his best Hook voice.

“We’re keeping a close eye on you, Hook,” Parker said. You rolled your eyes at them. Jesus Christ, what was this leading up to? 

“I gave him my word. Pirate’s honor,” Trevor winked at the boys. 

Now it was you, Trevor, Parker, Sean, and your two friends who picked you up. They were leading you to a different part of this ‘ship’. That’s when you saw him. Robbie was in his Pan costume, and you couldn’t help but blush. You met Robbie after his time on OUAT, but you loved that costume. You thought the costume designers did an extremely good job on the outfit. Though you never actually saw Robbie wearing it in person. Seeing him in it just made you blush and laugh. You shyed away, putting your hand to your mouth.

“So glad you kept your word,” Robbie said to Trevor, making his voice raspy like he did for Pan. You couldn’t help but squeal.

“Rob, what is going on?” You whispered, tone happy.

“Now that our Guest of Honor has finally arrived safely, the time has come for me to say…” Robbie suddenly broke out of character, as well as everyone else. They only sat back and relaxed now. Watching and listening.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. I kind of lied about taking you to Neverland. We didn’t have time to clean up the place, so I hope Hook’s ship will do.” You laughed at that. That was Robbie for you. Cracking jokes to help make light of situations. 

Robbie stepped closer to you, grabbing your hand. “But I really am sorry. And I really, truly want you back. Peter Pan needs his Wendy Darling. Without you, I feel like I’m empty. Nothing inside. And I am so grateful for you. So grateful that I forgot that you needed to be taken care. So grateful that I went over my own head and took advantage of you. But if you take my hand, I will never–and I do mean never–do something so hurtful to you again. So what do you say, Wendy Darling? Will you take this heartless villain back?”

You were at a loss for words. Robbie went through all this trouble to win you back. Where did he even get this boat? Whose was it? How long did he plan this? You didn’t exactly know, but you were taken aback that he went through all this trouble for you.

Your friends started making little comments, cheering you on to say yes. They joked, saying how “I put on this outfit for you at 5am!” or “If you won’t take him back, then I’ll take him!” It was all good fun. Robbie was waiting for your response though.

You let go of his hand, only to immediately wrap your arms around him, smashing your lips onto his. Robbie was completely taken aback by that response. It took him a second, but he kissed back, his hands going to your sides. The small group of boys behind you started cheering and taking pictures or videos. 

“You’re not entirely heartless,” you smirked once you pulled away.

“I’m going to assume that this is a second chance?” Robbie said with hope in both his eyes and tone.

“Sometimes people deserve them. And after you somehow getting a hold of your Pan costume, a ship, and those guys in ridiculous outfits, I think your deserve another chance,” you smiled at him. 

“I’ve missed that smile of yours.”

“I bet you have,” you said jokingly. “But, ever do anything like that again, and we are done for good.” You turned serious. You never got back with an ex, especially if they cheated on you, but Robbie was different. He was your longest relationship, another best friend. A whole lot of you didn’t want to lose him even though he kind of deserved to be lost.

“You have my word, my lady. Pirate’s honor,” Robbie smirked again before leaning in to kiss you again. You smiled into the kiss, completely forgetting that you were in your pajamas.

“I’ve always loved this look on you, though,” you giggled.

“And what about us?” Sean spoke up. You turned your head, laughing at them. God, they all looked so funny.

“Oh yes, I enjoy those looks on you boys very much,” you teased them. You motioned for them to stand up since they were sitting on the floor. “Bring it in,” you said, wanting a group hug.

Everyone joined in, you in the middle of this hugged. “Thank you boys for going through all this trouble,” you smiled warmly, trying your best to squeeze them all at once.

“Yeah, seriously. Thanks for helping my ass.” Robbie chuckled a little. Everyone grinned.

“Anything for you two lovebirds.” Robin cooed.

For the remainder of that morning, you all chilled out on the boat. Turns out, it was Trevor’s. What were the odds of that? 

Trevor prepared a quick breakfast, having brought food over when he arrived earlier. Breakfast was served, and you texted your best friend where you were just in case she woke up and questioned your whereabouts. 

You leaned on Robbie’s shoulder. “I think it’s crazy how I still love you.”

“I agree. You are crazy, but I love you, too.”

I just saw a post about Peeta in Catching Fire and how surprised he must have felt when Katniss said she needed him, and as I was going to reply to it, this thought occured to me and it is just one of the things that makes Mockingjay so damn near heartbreaking…

“I must have loved you a lot,” he says.

“You did.” My voice catches and I pretend to cough.

“And did you love me?” he asks.

I keep my eyes on the tiled floor.  "Everyone says I did.  Everyone says that’s why Snow had you tortured.  To break me.“ (MJ, pg. 231) 

And as I was writing this I had another thought, my first train of thought no longer seems important enough.

Katniss says "everyone.”  WHO is “everyone”?  When did “everyone” say that’s why she did?  When did “everyone” say that’s why Snow tortured him?  And why does she say “to break me”?  To break me.  The only person that’s said anything remotely like that to her was Prim.  

“What do you think they’ll do to him?”

Prim sounds about a thousand years old when she replies, “whatever it takes to break you.”  (MJ, Ch. 10)

And then Katniss herself uses that to describe her feelings.

For example:

  • What will break me into a million pieces so that I am beyond repair, beyond usefulness?  I mention it to no one, but it devours my waking hours and weaves itself throughout my nightmares. (ch. 11)
  • [Crazy Cat] I am Buttercup.  Peeta, the thing I want so badly to secure, is the light. … Maybe this realization on my part is all Snow needs.  Thinking that Peeta was in his possession and being tortured for rebel information was bad.  But thinking that he’s being tortured specifically to incapacitate me is unendurable.  And it’s under the weight of this revelation that I truly begin to break. (ch. 11)
  • …my discovery of Snow’s plan to break me […] (ch. 11)
  • Anyone [can see how much she cares about Peeta]?  On Snow’s visit before the Victory Tour, he challenged me to erase any doubts of my love for Peeta.  "Convince me,“ Snow said.  It seems, under that hot pink sky with Peeta’s life in limbo, I finally did.  And in doing so, I gave him the weapon he needed to break me. (ch. 11)
  • There’s something like a collective sigh of regret from the semicircle of people spread out before me.  Because I know this now.  Because there will never be a way for me to not know this again.  Because, beyond the military disadvantage losing a Mockingjay entails, I am broken.” (ch. 11) 

The only person that makes references to her being broken, is herself alone.  The closest anyone else comes to that, is Finnick, “Better not to give in to it.  It takes ten times as long to put yourself together as it does to fall apart." So in that moment, when she says "everyone” there is literally no one else.  She’s speaking for herself, in a distant, withdrawn manner, but that is all her.

And I think Peeta can tell.  I think he knows.  And I think that’s why he asked.

I have a headcanon that when they were trying to heal Peeta, they were showing him those moments again, in a new light, without the venom, maybe with the aid of a sedative.  I’d like to think that is why he asked to see her.  I like to think that some of that love came back, and that’s why he asked her.  I like to think that, “there’s a chance that the old Peeta, the one that loves you, is still inside.  Don’t give up on him.”

we have our first telephone call like
a baptism. we swim in voices. become holy
through the static of long distance.
we are an ocean of every word
we have never heard each other say.
we are a religion of unsaid, unsayable.

i am peeling tangerines in one go
and i am watching Lost in Translation
for the sixth time and i am crying at the idea
that the film will probably make me cry again
and something here is wrong because
nothing is.

because my mother is telling me that
i am taking up too much space with all that
i haven’t figure out. because i do not know
what to say to her and such answers
do not come with time.

because my poems are all somehow about
forgetting, but i have yet to learn
how best to do so.

because there are fields in California
of oranges that cover more of the ground
than the green does and right now the only
lesson i can hold safely in my mouth is
shaped like forgiveness, and not the kind
that comes in wooden crates
at your local grocery.

forgiveness, endless. forgiveness,
always unpackaged. forgiveness slipped under doors
with no glance at the crime scene.

i am pausing the film at all the right parts
and crying until i can press play again.
because somehow all my poems are about
you and i need our telephone calls to
pause at all the right parts until i can
learn to press play again.

—  “Assortment” by Ramna S.
"Change your thoughts and you'll change your world."

So today is another of those milestones that I like to celebrate. I don’t scream these through the roof tops, nor do many people close to me often even know that I’m secretly overjoyed for reaching them but I always do reflect on these days, even if it’s just to myself. I like the idea of “celebrating every victory” no matter how small. So I hope by sharing this little story of my most recent milestone as opposed to keeping it to just a few around me like I normally do, I can shine a light on this concept so other people can realise just how good they’re doing at life even if what they’re celebrating is of a completely different nature. 

 The first real milestone that I properly celebrated was April 22nd 2016. Not only was this my half birthday but it was also six months into properly trying to overcome my anorexia. This was a milestone which I only shared with my mum but she was so happy, as was I, as despite the many ups and downs we both experienced, I was finally taking steps in the right direction. So together we went for dinner and my mum also gave me a bracelet which I wear everyday as a reminder of my strength. 

 As I began to tackle many not so great parts of my life at a similar time, the next few months had a series of milestones, many of which I did largely acknowledge to myself and no one else, although they were equally as brilliant to me. However, the next one I really noted to myself was the completion of my first A Level exam. I found it extremely difficult to deal with the idea of both finally leaving school and having to cope with the stress surrounding exams. On multiple occasions, despite the importance of them, myself and others around me did not think I would even make it to the exam hall. But I did. So that night I decided to get myself something which has actually been a huge and constant reminder for me to never, ever give up. A bracelet engraved with, “If you keep hope alive, it will keep you alive." 

 After that little off-track babble, I’m now going to go back to the real milestone of today. I have survived, and thrived for two months without taking any of the medication which was was prescribed for my poor mental health!!! I am by no means slating the notion of taking pills to deal with mental health, in fact they probably saved my life. So for that I can be so grateful and be safe in the knowledge that if I do need them again, that they’re an option, but they were never something that I wanted to be on long term. They were actually something that I never wanted to be on at all as I often liked to feel like I was me and nothing else, something that I was scared pills would take from me. 

 I liked having my highs (most of the time, even if in the nature of my problems I could be slightly questionable in my actions) and I liked the raw, intense and largely indescribable emotions which I had often felt… even if this meant deep and unsettling lows which were horrific. Because deep down the severity of my moods and their sudden ability to flip is me, it always has been. And yes, they could (can) be truly awful to deal with but they’re something that I am slowly but surely learning to live with and in a positive, non destructive way. There’s even a part of me that is learning to embrace them, for the good and the bad. 

 I admit I was stupid in just suddenly stopping my pills which had reached quite high doses without telling anyone, not even my psychiatrist as you are often warned when first starting them, that the consequences of this could be disastrous. Which in a way it was, I received the terrible effects of withdrawal and a huge inability to cope as I was filled with emotions, thoughts and feelings which I just don’t even want to remember. (So I strongly urge that no one else does something so stupid, mental health professionals and advice are there for a reason). But I survived. I always have survived, which in a way this terrible experience just confirmed the much needed concept in my head that I can get through anything. 

Roughly about two weeks after stopping my medication I finally started to pick myself up. I have to admit that going on holiday with my friends helped a lot (thank you for being you), followed by working at the pottery shop and being asked to do commission work for a few people but I grabbed onto these positives and did everything in my power to build from them. I started to build a bank of ways to cope that weren’t destructive, the ability to rationalise the cruel and twisted thoughts of my mental illnesses to realise what I truly wanted.

I managed to find even the smallest of positives in the worst of situations that I came up against and I was able to acknowledge that it was okay to have the odd bad moment where things felt too much. I practised gratitude, I kept busy. I surrounded myself with quotes and art. I stopped ruminating, reached out to my friends, my family. I even started to really believe in my dreams, my future. I did everything that my depression, my eating disorder, the manic mindset, and the anxious side of me would have hated. I fought back and I kept fighting. I even exhausted myself by doing so, so even the moments before bed weren’t hours spent lying awake in distress as before, but instead they were very short and peaceful moments before I slept. 

 Now, I am genuinely the most consistently happy and stable that I have been in a long time. Something that I believed I would never feel again if I were to come off my pills and before I had even started taking them. I am crazily content with my body, what is going on in the present and all my future hopes and dreams. I am building some of the strongest relationships that I have had in years with both family and friends. Learning to trust again and not to second guess and doubt all that happens. I am overjoyed with even the simplest of delights, the way a tree may stand in a forest of others or the way my freckles are scattered across my cheeks. I am falling in love with the world around me again. I am me again.

 And I know that my battle is by no means over, and who knows, as the pattern of my problems go I may have to find myself on various medication for the fourth time but the next time, I have this wonderful thing called insight. I have never felt so knowledgable about my various mental illnesses before, the symptoms of when things are getting bad again, the importance of reaching out, being honest, tackling them sooner and how to cope constructively. 

 I just hope to never be as scared as I was this time last year if I do begin to falter again because although I strongly believe that a lot of getting better and staying better comes from the persons own mindset, I know how sometimes for a short while that is not always the case when things really do get to be too much. I hope that the next time I fall and struggle to find my way back, I will do everything in my power to remember things like this milestone, of how I survived and built myself up from one of my worst bouts of depression in years, something I did by myself.

I did it without medication, I did it having distanced myself from therapy, my psychiatrist, I did it without relying on teachers, family and friends. I did it. I knew that all of these things were there if I was desperate and if I found myself falling badly again but for the first time in a long time I did one of the bravest and most important things in my life. I fought back independently. And that is a milestone and an achievement which I shall never let myself forget, even know just recognising and thinking about what I had overcome, I am smiling to myself, I am so proud of me right now.

Imagine Person A of your OTP planning to surprise Person B by welcoming them home, wearing nothing but an apron (and maybe underwear) but as soon as Person A heard Person B opening the door, Person A quickly hid out of embarrassment until Person B found them. (x)

Let it be known that Enjolras does not do things like this. He doesn’t. But there is little Enjolras would not do for Grantaire, and he knows for a fact that Grantaire had been stressed when he left for class this morning. If there’s anything he can do to make Grantaire’s day a little better, he will do it. 

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Diabolik Lovers Dark Fate ~Kou Mukami [Maniac Prologue + 01-05]~

Heeey there! (/・0・)

It’s taken me a bit longer to upload this one (cause I was super pumped with translating at first? But I’m not that excited about it anymore siiigh sorry, I might not be translating the rest). Anyways, here you have the situation part of Kou’s Maniac! Hope you guys enjoy it ~ 

There are spoilers, as always.

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