i am n ot sorry

☏: Drunk, High, or Emotional Voicemail.

[It’s only 3AM in the morning and there is a voicemail on his phone]

“You glorified Man-woman crush, Jesus sh–” He could probably hear the sound of a bottle kissing the floor in a shattering passion and about a few seconds later a groan and a long line of curse words in several different languages and again.. more crashing.

“Oh shit.. oh well.”

She’s at Maarten’s house, and she found the liquor cabinet and curiosity got the best of her– so she tried to smoke marijuana, pretty much… she’s wondering about his house a tad bit stoned and a wee bit drunk, just a wee bit. Finally she picks up the phone again. “I don’t even know how I thought you were a woman, but your were a pretty hot woman- I think that I was lesbian for you at somepont… But then I saw your beautiful, stunning cock, I’m honestly surprised that its so big—no, not the one in your pants– yet.” Now she’s laughing like an idiot, please help her. “The bird, I’m talking about your bird.” She sighs and mutters a few words and you can hear bags dropping and a man’s voice- specifically Maarten’s swearing up a storm. She trashed his house during this.

“Fuck fuck fuck– Call the police!! MAARTEN I CAN’t EXPLA-”

The message ends there.

✉: Drunk or Autocorrected Texts [Specify which!].

[Text: He who has the same cup size as me] Hey, we’re going shopping right?

[Text] There’s an anal sale at this whore that I like.

[Text] ANNUAL I MEANT ANNUAL. HOW DID STORE BECOME WHORE

[Text] RUCKING AUTOCORRECT-

[Text] I’m so done, I’m going to go masturbate.

[Text] Menstruate**

[Text] Jfc M E D I T A T E**

[Text] I hate this phone, I hate Autocorrect.

[Five minutes later]

[Text] See you at 13??