TBT to when young Hugh Dancy does a celebrity guest spot on Martha Stewart’s show. He can’t handle noodles. Martha cannot handle Dancy.
My question is this: did he put this in his sizzle reel to get Brian Fuller convinced he could play Will Graham? Because it hits all the right notes: Martha is barely keeping her thirst in check. Like the lack of chill is fairly stunning, her word choice (lover! damming up holes!) and the blushing and just…aww who am I kidding Martha is all of us. Dancy’s culinary abilities are straightforwardly abominable. He freely admits to eating nothing but tinned soup and doing this spot to win a dare. The cameraman loses his mind and can’t stop zooming in on the eroticism of Dancy’s hands covered in carb goo. Dancy can’t seem to stop getting deeper in the goo, as if mesmerized by his own messiness and lack of control over the world. He openly discusses embracing death like this is normal daytime talk show topical content. Martha is so transfixed by his dirty hands that she very nearly washes them for him.
It’s basically a Hannibal AU, in which Hannibal runs a terribly successful multimedia corporation and is its celebrity CEO who is fated to go to jail. Hannibal peddles domestic silliness by day (”10 centerpieces to wow your holiday guests! now with 1000% more skulls!”) and commits nefarious deeds off camera while obsessively also multitasking and scrubbing the cobblestone pavers of his horse stable with lemons. Graham’s on Broadway, and in spite of the mediocre attendance given the bleak af themes of the show, Hannibal is buying all the tickets to keep it running so the young wild Will doesn’t leave his efficiency studio sublet in NYC. Graham casually mentions he has now won his dinner date bet, and Hannibal invites himself along, unprompted, and makes sure to sharpen his Japanese steel knives.