i am living my non existent love life through them right now

February/March fic rec!

I suck, I know. I’m late. This is ridiculously short. 

(ok, it’s not short now, but it was before I added in some fics that are gathering dust in my inbox to be read. There’s more fics I haven’t read in this rec than the opposite. oops.)

The Morning After the Night Before (4K): Harry and Louis have more or less grown up together, even now as adults it’s tradition for their families to spend a few weeks in the summer at a beach house together. Problem One: Louis has been in love with Harry forever. Problem Two: It wont stop raining.

I Slam Therefore I Am (4K): Louis and Harry are both creative souls but they aren’t friends, not by a long shot. This is the Rival Slam Poets AU that no one asked for.

I Found A Love (4K): Or the one where Louis is a nerdy English major who may just run into his happily ever after while working his shift at the local library.

Come and Kiss Me Like the First Time (5K): Louis meets Harry at his sister’s wedding.

just the sound of your voice (6k): It’s just. Harry’s so fucking quiet during sex and now Louis’ obsession with it is…it’s incessant. Louis questions it day and night, the enigma of it buzzing around his head like an annoying mosquito — all of the reasons why he’s so quiet consuming every one of his waking thoughts. Like, maybe he turns into an alien during sex if he’s not really careful? So he has to concentrate so hard on not turning into another creature he’s effectively struck mute from it. Or maybe…maybe he’s like one of those people who’s into tantric sex, like Sting or a throwback from the 1960s? And when he’s about to orgasm he travels to another plane of existence or something.

Twelfth Night (6k): Queen Anne holds a masquerade ball to try and find matches for both her children on Twelfth Night. While anonymity reigns, Prince Harry spends the ball getting to know a handsome stranger. 

‘Til I Tasted You (15K): Louis is Harry Styles’ biggest fan. It doesn’t matter that Harry is famous for being a food blogger and Louis can’t cook to save his life. At least, until Harry offers to give Louis a cooking lesson. Then it matters just a teensy bit.

Carried Away Like Butterflies (17K): It was probably a huge mistake for Louis to let his former One Night Stand move into his spare room, especially when said One Night Stand doesn’t seem to remember him.

Then We Talk Slow (20K): A famous/non-famous AU in which Louis banters back and forth with his new record company on Twitter, only to find out that Harry is the man behind the tweets.

Dance Like Warriors On A Battlefield (20K): Down in the arena, the triumphant gladiator places his foot on the back of the loser, holding him there as he waits for instruction on his next move. Kill or let live. It’s barbaric, really, the bloodlust involved in this sport. Louis is pretty sure that if it wasn’t for his distaste for the killing there would be a lot more blood soaking that sand. As it is, his father rarely gives the kill order anymore. He gives the order to let the loser live. Louis rolls his eyes, turning away. He doesn’t miss the way the gladiator’s eyes linger on him.

Like Candy In My Veins (31K): Basically the A/B/O, enemies to lovers, fake relationship, Christmas AU that nobody asked for.

All the Right Moves (32K): This is the third game in a row that Harry has been distracted by the noisy boy in the stands, five rows back. There’s really no reason that he should feel compelled to stare into the audience as frequently as he is, but he can’t help it. This boy is a nuisance. And he’s loud. Even from basketball court with nine other players running by him, shoes squeaking on the shiny hardwood floor, and thousands of cheering college students, Harry can hear this boy nearly shrieking, his laugh more like a cackle than anything.

The Reason Is You (37K): Louis is running out of time to find a summer job. His best friend offers him one that promises early mornings, late nights, long hours, and the best people he’ll ever meet. Lucky for Louis, one of those people is Harry Styles.

tangled up in you (45K): There’s still a big grin on his face, though, when he says, “I got you a professional cuddler.”

Safe and Sound (You’ll Always Be) (58K): When a failed case and a guilty conscience leaves Harry more than a little lost, his boss presents him with a new, less taxing assignment to help him cope. An escape from all the madness is just what Harry needs to get his life back on track. It’s just too bad his new client has a grin like the devil, a pair of electric eyes that Harry simply can’t get over, and no intention whatsoever of letting him catch a break.

Feels Like Coming Home (60K): The last thing Harry Styles expects when he’s hanging out at the Someday Cafe in Somerville one rainy October day is for his ex, Louis Tomlinson to walk through the door, but that’s exactly what happens. After a spectacularly ugly break-up three years prior, Harry hasn’t heard one word from Louis, and he’s moved on. Gotten over him. But having Louis back in his life, not to mention working at the restaurant where he’s a chef, isn’t easy, and the feelings that Harry thought he’d left turn out to be not so easily forgotten.

When We Were Younger (76K): Sixteen year old Harry Styles’ world turns upside down when he logs on to gay teen chat to discover somebody has stolen his photos and used them as their own.

Perfect Storm (80K): What do you do when your best friend asks you and your (now) ex to be the best men at his destination wedding? You can either tell him the truth, tell him you’re not together anymore, and deal with the consequences, or you can pretend you’re still together and roll with it, just pray you don’t spiral. Fake it ‘til you make it. You know, for the sake of the wedding. Harry and Louis choose the latter.

Dress you up in my love (103K): Harry is single, and more than anything wants to find love. Agreeing to sign up to a dating website was a bad, bad idea. Niall’s bad, bad idea. Louis is single, but has no interest in relationships. Or so he tells himself. 

Harry is a lawyer whose boss, Nick, happens to give him a bonus, which he decides to splurge on a new work wardrobe. Louis is a frustrated designer, working as a personal shopper at Selfridges. Louis happens to be working on the day a very beautiful, but out of his depth, new customer ambles into their department in need of advice. Louis might have just found the muse he never knew he was looking for.

We Are Only Just Beginning (129K): In the dim light of a dorm kitchen, Harry Styles meets a boy who flips his life upside down. Three years later, he’s a senior in college, ready to take on the world with the love of his life by his side. And then Louis Tomlinson admits he doesn’t know what he wants to do after college after all, and Harry’s world flips again, this time not so pleasantly. He can’t imagine his life without Louis, but he’s starting to worry he might have to.

I’ve always wanted to talk a bit lenghtily about my opinions on fic, fic writing and the general writer-fic-reader culture and I just saw an extremely unpleasant “article” on ao3 that righeously attacks a certain genre of fanfic that I personally don’t read, nor like, but the existence of which really doesn’t bother me.

First things first, to me the positives of fanfiction vastly outnumber the negatives. I am used to living in absolute certainty that anytime I want to have fun, escape or get a little hot and bothered, there will always be fic to provide that for me. I will always, always find a fic I love. Notice I am saying fic *I* love, not, “fic that is good”. And having this certainty, I become entirely unbothered by the automatically existing other group, aka fics I don’t love.

Despite commenting on fics as much as I can, and participating in the fandom, there is still something utterly personal about fanfiction to me. It’s reading it on my phone as I’m shaky and queasy on my way to an exam, to a job interview, to an annoying doctor’s appointment. It’s loading up fics to my kindle and reading them at 3am on the plane when it kind of seems like neither time nor space are real anymore. It’s checking my ao3 subscription emails right after my alarm goes off because finding out a fave WIP updated might actually wake my brain up in a pleasant manner. I’m not exaggerating when I say I go through my life non-stop reading fics bit by bit.

What each and every one of the writers responsible for those fics gives me is priceless. And they are not even asking for a price! Just some damn decency.

The phrase “don’t like don’t read” might seem simplistic and in a way, almost illogical - except with the existence of meticulous tagging system, it becomes reality. Tags are there to warn and to entire. Writers, use them. Readers, read them. But it doesn’t stop there. It is, in fact, entirely possible to open a fic and find it wanting and still follow that directive. How? Close the damn tab. If you want to nitpick it, the phrase becomes “i have read, i haven’t liked, i have stopped reading”.

Now, we are people. We get passionate about fandoms, characters, ships, so I get that not everyone - not all the time - is capable of being so chill about being faced with something they seriously didn’t like.

Don’t inflict it on the author. And - and this is a peeve of mine - don’t passively aggresively inflict it on all the authors who might read your vague, public rant and think “is this me?” or who will add it to that ever growing list of mental barriers and doubts that we seem to be soaking up like sponges. Just tell it to a friend. Punch a pillow. Go and find a fic you love.

Remember that even though it seems your taste might be objective, or “common sense” - and this is easy to fall into especially when things like basic grammar are involved - it’s just not. Not in these cases. That description of my daily fic consumption I wrote above? That has been going on for years and years. Somewhat recently I decided to look up fics for an old ship of mine, remembering how deeply I loved them, how I reread them many times, and I was so giddy about getting to enjoy myself like that again. My reaction was a little “oh”. It was not only me whose tastes have changed, but also fandom and fic writing that has evolved, however, that doesn’t at all alter my past enjoyment. And for every fic you scoff at, there might be a reader who is at an entirely different place than you are, and is loving it. Don’t undo their support by your selfish lash out.

Bottom line, just focus on what you do. Focus on finding what you like. Support what you like. It’s not like “bad” and “good” fic are fighting for their place on the interwebs and only one can get the spot. This is not a limited space library. 

If you need a more candid conversation about things like ships, characterizations and so on, turn to meta. Meta is there for people to disagree on, because meta should follow rules of logic and analysis. Fanfiction doesn’t have to.

anonymous asked:

pleasee write nb!alex in college, like could they meet maggie in college too? also just as a personal preference cause I love the idea could alex have a really cool undercut? wow I love your writing and college nb!alex would be amazing

It’ll all be okay next term.

Next term, when Kara comes to school with them, when Kara will be a freshman.

Because Eliza is always talking about Alex needing to take care of Kara, and Alex is always thinking of taking care of Kara.

But it’s been a while since they’ve realized how much Kara takes care of them, too, without even meaning to.

Because the phone calls and the FaceTime sessions aren’t enough.

Especially now.

Especially now with their new undercut – it took a couple anti-anxiety meds to actually go through with it, because you’re already underperforming in your coursework, Alexandra, and now you’re distracting yourself further with ridiculous haircuts? – and especially now with the binder they’d saved for all of fall term to be able to afford.

The binder that finally helps them be able to wear henleys, because the damn shirts never fell right on their body before. The binder that will undoubtedly draw cries of protest from Eliza, because oh Alexandra – or would you prefer Alexander? You know this is all so much for me to take in – your body is beautiful, and aren’t you concerned about the wear and tear with such intense compression, and what will you do when you have to spend hours in the lab and you get overheated in that thing? You are still intending to spend hours in the lab, aren’t you? Because after you failed that last test, I keep worrying that you’ll just forsake all that you’ve spent so long building for… what? Some girl? Is there a girl? God, can you let me deal with this gender stuff before bringing home a girl? Would that girl be a lesbian, anyway? Oh, Alexan – Alex – why can nothing ever be simple with you, it used to be so simple with you.

The binder that will draw protests, but hell, they’re failing a couple of classes anyway – and Eliza makes sure they can’t forget it – so why not fail at everything, right?

At least, when Alex looks in the mirror with their new binder on – their roommate Lucy had grinned like a fiend listening to Alex stumble around the bathroom, pulling it up over their legs and ass, upside down and backwards, so they could slip it up their body properly, and Lucy’s grin had only gotten bigger at Alex’s excited squeals as they tossed open the door and kept running their hands over their flattened chest, standing front ways, sideways, all ways, tossing on shirt after shirt after shirt, just to watch them finally fit properly – at least when they look in the mirror now, they see their own smile, their own tears, Lucy’s grin, hear Kara’s squeals over FaceTime, rather than Eliza’s disapproval.

“The girls are gonna love you even more than they already did, Danvers,” Lucy nudges them as the two friends sit very illegally on the ledge of their first floor dorm room, their legs hanging out of their window, a couple of feet off the ground, and Alex pffts, and Alex splutters, and Alex blushes.

But then Alex glances down at their newly-bound chest, first with excitement, first with pride, then with… panic, and they grow serious.

“But what if my mom’s right? What if the gay girls just want… well…”

“Straight up girls?”

Alex nods with tears in their eyes.

“You’re amazing, Alex. Binding or not, whatever pronouns you use. Any girl can see that a mile away. And uh… hey. Looks like that gorgeous one already has.”

Alex’s heart plummets and they try to follow Lucy’s gaze, the slight nod of her head, subtly, subtly, subtly.

And then they almost tumble right off the windowsill, because the girl Lucy’s talking about?

The girl who just parked her motorcycle in the lot across from their dorm room, all thick leather jacket and boots and denim and dimples?

That girl is the most beautiful girl Alex has ever seen, and she’s staring right at them.

Alex sends a silent thank you to the queer goddesses that Lucy’s lawyerly aspirations include a military-style commitment to fitness, because somehow, even with her much smaller frame, she manages to grab Alex subtly enough to not make it obvious, strong enough to make sure they don’t splat out of the window.

The girl notices despite Lucy’s subtlety, and she grins.

Her eyes are bright and her dimples are adorable and Lucy mutters a reminder for Alex to breathe.

“Alright there?” the girl calls, and Lucy nudges Alex in the ribs.

“Nice ride,” they call back, and Lucy sits a little straighter, proud of her friend for using… words.

The girl struts over – Alex doesn’t know how to think about her walk as anything other than a confident, almost cocky, strut, and Alex is gone, gone, gone – with a small grin still on her face, a thin backpack slung over both shoulders and her helmet still in her hand.

“You two supposed to be hanging out of your window like that?”

Alex thinks of a lot of possible responses.

You supposed to be so hot amongst unsuspecting queers?

You supposed to be riding that motorcycle on campus? You can cause an accident with how good you look on it.

You supposed to have a voice that sounds like my first kiss and a face that looks like my heaven?

They think of a lot of possible responses, but they only splutter one.

“Sure, we – I mean, no, but pfft, rules? I mean, you rode a Triumph to school, like come on, screw rules, right?”

Lucy grimaces, claps Alex on the shoulder, and swings her legs up and back into their dorm room.

“Well. Good luck with this one,” she says to Maggie with a grin. “I’m Lucy Lane, and their name – if they never get around to telling you – is Alex Danvers. Feel free to stop by any time…”

“Maggie Sawyer,” the girl answers, but her eyes are on Alex’s face, which has gone pale since Lucy used their proper pronouns to introduce them to this gorgeous girl, since Maggie’s eyes traced slowly up and down Alex’s body, taking in their undercut, their flat chest, their boy jeans, their black, short-sleeved henley.

“Well. You kids have fun,” Lucy claps Alex’s shoulder again, and Alex thinks about asking her – begging her – to stay, but Lucy’s hopped back inside before Alex can form words.

“So, college has you so busy that you’re window hanging, Danvers?” the new girl teases. Maggie. Maggie Sawyer.

Alex rolls the name around in their mind, on their tongue, and decide they love it.

They shrug. “I’m usually in the lab.” They point haphazardly in the direction of one of the science buildings. “But I uh… I’ve had a lot going on lately, depression and whatever, and my mom’s been ragging on me more than usual, so I haven’t been doing so great in classes, so they gave me time off from the lab to fix my grades and – shit, I’m sorry, I… I don’t know why I’m telling you all this.”

“They tend to ramble in front of cute girls, Sawyer!” Lucy shouts from inside their living room, and Alex nearly leans in to take a swipe at her, but Maggie just grins.

“They’re lucky I find rambling charming, then,” Maggie calls back with a tilted head and a bright smile.

She used my pronouns. She used my pronouns. She used my pronouns and she’s smiling at me like maybe she can like me and holy shit, is she – she is – oh shit shit shit fuck fuck fuck I’m gonna either kill Lucy or get her a car or something as a thank you…

Because Maggie is swinging her backpack off her back and gingerly placing her helmet on top of it on the ground, and she’s arching an eyebrow.

“Want some company up there, Danvers?” she asks, holding up a hand, and Alex gulps, and Alex leans down to grasp it.

They both inhale sharply at the other’s touch, at the strength in the other’s grip. At the spark, the heat, that shoots through both of their bodies on contact.

Alex tugs her up easily, and Maggie situates herself next to them on the window ledge.

“So your parents have hella painful expectations of you too, huh?” she asks, her voice deliberately light.

“Just my mom. My dad, he uh… plane crash.”

“Oh shit, Danvers, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to – “

“No. No, it’s okay. Your parents too? Expectations?”

Maggie grins wryly and studies their fingernails. “It’s whatever. But hey – looks like you got yourself a nice roommate.”

“Damn right they do!”

“Oh my god, Lucy!”

“What, am I cramping your non-existent style, Al?”

Alex groans but Maggie just laughs. “She looks out for you,” she says softly after a few moments, like it’s hard for her to believe that people have relationships like that. Friendships like that. Family like that.

Like it’s a foreign concept to her.

Alex runs their hand over the side of their head that’s shaved, and bites the inside of their cheek.

“Do you not? Have people who look out for you?”

Maggie just shrugs. “I’m new here. New to… cities, generally.”

Alex studies her for a moment. “Welcome, then, Maggie Sawyer. Consider yourself looked out for.” They hold out their hand, and Maggie looks wary, like touching them again will catapult her into a world she’s scared to go, terrified to trust, petrified to hope for.

But Alex’s face is kind, and it’s open, and damn, it’s cute as hell.

And cute queers always were Maggie’s weakness.

Or, now, maybe… her hope.

She takes Alex’s hand, and shakes it, and she watches Alex groan good-naturedly when Lucy whoops from inside their living room.

“Can you get your own life?!” Alex calls back inside, not bothering to take their hand from Maggie’s.

“Not when yours is so straight out of a movie!”

Alex blushes and Maggie beams and Alex thinks, for once, that maybe, if this is part of their life movie, that they’re not such a failure after all.

love.exe | ch 3

Originally posted by withjunhui

chapters: 1 / 2 / 3

summary: it’s been close to two weeks since jun’s moved in with you. he’s acting more human as time quickly progresses, but he soon learns the emotion of boredom.

characters: jun/original female, svt members, members of pristin

genre: FLUFF! all the fluff in the world

word count: 2.3k

a/n: yall got me to 697 which is good enough. probably reach 700 not too long after this anyway. love! (also chapters will be put under read mores from now on unless i say otherwise)

Another week and a half passed, and Jun quickly became used to the routine of you being gone for a few hours. When you weren’t relaxing, you were helping Jun with his ‘human research’ as the two of you had begun to call it.

You’d noticed that over the past few days, Jun had begun to develop more of a solid personality, but he retained his naive demeanor. He’d begun to banter with you more often, being able to speak out for himself at times, as well.

He never really ate still, but it seemed not to be a problem, since his framework didn’t let him understand the sensation of hunger, sickness, or thirst. 

Only problem was, he hadn’t left the apartment since you first found him at the convenience store.

Keep reading

Foreign

Originally posted by j-miki

Title : Foreign

Pairing : Jinyoung x Reader

Genre : Fluff, Romance

Author : Myself

Summary : You’re supposed to meet your boyfriend’s parents, but you’re a foreigner and you start freaking out, so your boyfriend comforts you.

Red dress? Too fancy. Long skirt? Too Tacky. Jeans? Too casual.

You shook your hands in the air, throwing yet another piece of clothing and hating yourself for not being able to buy one single decent outfit for this important day. There was nothing worth being shown, and even less parade into in front of your boyfriend’s parents. You selected a pair of black pants and took a pale blue embroidered tunic, hoping it would have a girly effect on the people who were pictured as severe and merciless. You checked on your reflection in the mirror and sighed.

You looked like nothing they would love. Nothing at all.

Keep reading

That  I Had Hoped

Pairing : Bucky Barnes x Reader (female pronoun)

Genre : Angst, tiny bit of fluff

Warning : Major angst, I shed a tear while writing and also cursing

Word Count : 4884 words

A/N : This is the part 2 of ‘That I Have Regretted’, I was really hoping that the part 1 pulled your heartstrings to the point of almost snapping and judging by the comments some of you left me, I kinda did it??? loll anywho I’m also currently writing a romcom for Steve Rogers so make sure to look out for it! for those who wants to be on my taglist, dm me, I might accidentally skip it if you leave a comment on a story so just dm me and tell me that you want to be tagged for my upcoming stories. Btw I might make this into 3 or 4 parts ?? Let me know what you guys think about this story! Your input helps me write even better and if y’all hate looking at my face pls let me know so that I won’t make you guys feel uncomfortable while reading whatever it is I wrote and change my picture to a picture of someone or something else loll. - Nana 🌸

Originally posted by n-barnes

A/A/N : HIS EYES PIERCED THROUGH MY NONEXISTING SOUL I HATE HIM FOR DOING THIS TO ME

That I Have Regretted ( Part 1 of the series )




17 hours, 27 minutes and 48 seconds…

He waited that long for her.

He wouldn’t budge from his kneeling position he was in at the first 7 hours of the operation, no matter how his legs hurt from the awkward position and angle, no matter how his brain told him that he’s tired from all the fighting and that he needed rest, no matter how his stomach cried out for food and his throat croaked for water, he ignored it all so that he would be the first to know about (Y/N)’s condition.

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danibwills  asked:

A Jon x Sansa New girl AU please !

I hope this is alright! Sorry it’s a million years late! <3 


It was a Wednesday morning when Sansa walked in on Harry arse-naked on top of some blonde in their shared bed. At first, she’d just stood there, thinking about how ugly Harry was and how gross he looked in the throes of sex. Everything about it looked so mechanical and dull – and god, if you’re going to cheat on your girlfriend who you just moved in with then at least throw it all away for a night (or rather morning) of passion. That’s why people cheat, right? They get so overwhelmed by sexual chemistry and something new that they can’t resist themselves, so what does it say about Sansa that her boyfriend of a year cheated on her for mediocre sex?

She’s not sure and it’s better if she pretends she doesn’t know the answer to that question.

“Sans? Where do you want this?”

Her brother is studying her with his arms wrapped tightly around a box labeled ‘shit Sansa doesn’t need’ courtesy of her little sister.

“Um, just… anywhere is good. Thank you, Robb.” The smile she offers is faint and lacking any warmth, but it’s the best she can do considering she’s twenty-six-years-old and moving in with her brother and his two flatmates. She loves Robb and there’s a part of her that still worships the ground he walks on, but she honestly does not want to live with him and his friends. Sansa was supposed to be getting her own space, settling down and being a grown up, only that all went crashing down around her when Harry decided to stick his prick in somewhere else.

She grimaces at the thought and that catches Robb’s attention.

“What?”

“Harry was gross, wasn’t he?” she asks instead, looking around the room. It’s a decent size with two large windows to one side that faces another apartment complex. It’s not a great view, but the room is well-lit and she likes that.

Her brother chuckles in surprise. “We’re just glad you didn’t catch anything.”

Sansa’s grimace grows and she throws a pillow at his head. “Ew, Robb. Don’t even joke about that!” She’s already been to the GP for a very thorough STI test, and thankfully, she’s clean. She supposes the one good thing Harry has going for him is a healthy knowledge of sexual education and the follow-through to always wear a condom.

“Sorry,” he laughs, putting both hands up in the universal sign of surrender, but when Sansa rolls her eyes, her brother moves towards her swiftly and wraps her in his signature bear hugs. “Hey, you’re better off without him, yeah? You’re way too good for a weasel like Harry.”

“I know that,” she mumbles into his shirt.

“I love you, Lemon.”

“Love you too, Bacon,” she says, shaking her head at their stupid childhood nicknames. Lemon for her for the amount of lemon cakes she used to eat and Bacon for him for the amount of bacon he used to steal from everyone’s plates. In their defence, Sansa had been four and Robb seven.

Once her brother leaves her new room, Sansa flops down on the bed with a heavy groan. She doesn’t know what’s more tragic – the fact that her boyfriend cheated on her or the fact that she doesn’t feel even a smidgen of heartbreak.

+++

“THEON, GET THE HELL OUT!”

“I’M SO SORRY I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE HOME!”

Sansa grabs for her towel and runs out into the living room where Robb is sitting on the L-shaped sofa with Jon playing some video game. Both are staring up at them with wide eyes, but she takes no notice of this. She’s too busy glaring daggers at the scrawny man before her.

“How do you not – didn’t you hear the shower going!” She’s not screaming any more but she is still very close to killing him.

“What? Mate, did you fucking walk in on my sister showering?” Robb is now on his feet with a scowl on his face. Theon instinctively recoils back in fear, which really irks Sansa, because he should be more afraid of her.

“I didn’t mean to. I swear it was an accident!” Theon says in a rush. He looks to Sansa and seems to be imploring her with his eyes. “Honest, Sansa! And if it makes you feel any better, you have a very lovely figure.”

“Ugh, douchebag jar now!” she screeches in frustration, grabbing an empty can from the nearby table and hurling it at Theon’s head. He ducks in time but the physical action does make her feel a little better. “You guys need to fix that lock or I swear to god I will make your lives hell.” With that said, she storms back to the shower to finish rinsing out her hair.

Day six of living with the boys is going disastrously. Not only has Theon seen her naked but she’s pretty sure she’s heard her brother having sex multiple times now, and if it happens again, she’s going to cut off her ears.

+++

It’s Valentine’s Day and Sansa officially hates her life. Harry and her had plans to travel down to London and stay at a nice hotel. Of course now her Valentine’s Day consists of cocooning herself in a duvet while watching Bridget Jones’ Diary and drinking wine. It’s mean and petty but she’s fuming that everyone she knows has plans. Even Theon sodding Greyjoy has a date! How did that buffoon trick someone into going out with him is beyond her, but she supposes the silver lining is that she has the flat to herself.

Bridget has just shown up to the garden party in a little bunny outfit when the door to the flat bursts open and Jon comes stumbling in decked out in his fireman uniform. He looks weary and exhausted, and it takes him several minutes to notice her. In fact, he probably wouldn’t have at all if she hadn’t shifted on the sofa causing the leather to squelch underneath her.

Fuck!” he exclaims, jumping back in surprise. His curly hair is in such disarray and his eyes are so comically wide she has a hard time stifling the giggle rising up her throat. “I didn’t – I thought you’d be out or something.”

Sansa arches a brow. “With who? My non-existent boyfriend or my illustrious ex?”

Jon flushes and rubs the back of his neck. “Right, sorry. I just thought you of all people would have a date.”

Me of all people? What’s that supposed to mean?”

If it’s possible for a person to turn into a tomato, Jon is doing a very good job right now with that transformation. “Nothing. Um… Bridget Jones?”

“You like Bridget Jones?” This is news to her. But then most of what she’s found out about Robb’s sullen best friend is news to her. “Didn’t peg you as the type.”

He shrugs as he kicks off his shoes and drops down next to her. “It’s alright.” But thirty minutes later, Jon is completely gripped by the story. He’s laughing and shaking his head in time to each crazy or absurd thing Bridget does. It’s surprisingly endearing and Sansa finds herself watching him for the rest of the film instead. He has a very expressive face when it’s not wearing that grumpy mask he has on most of the time.

“Why aren’t you on a date?” Sansa asks once the credits start rolling.

Jon blinks at her, fingers clenching and unclenching around his coffee mug filled to the brim with red wine. “Don’t really feel like dating.”

“Bad breakup?” she pushes, because she really doesn’t know a thing about Jon and she should considering they’re now flatmates. He’s also the most sane one out of the three of them.

“Does it count as a reason if it was over two years ago?”

Sansa surprises herself by laughing at that. “Yeah, sure. If it was bad enough.”

“Is my ex getting into a car accident, going into a coma for three months and waking up only to decide to travel the world without me bad enough?” he asks, and if it isn’t for the glimmer of a smile on his lips, Sansa would be horrified by that tale.

She pretends to think about it for a second. “Hmm… I guess I can give you that one.”

“You’re so gracious,” Jon says, chuckling. “So what was your bad breakup? Robb didn’t really tell us anything other than Harry is a twat and he’s going to gut him like a fish.”

“Oh god,” she sighs. Robb really needs to get a grip on this overprotective brother thing. If she hears he actually tried to fight Harry, she’ll kill them both. “I think you have me beat on the bad breakup front but I think coming home to see your boyfriend breaking in your new mattress with someone that’s not you is pretty rubbish.”

“Ouch,” Jon says, as he reaches over to place a comforting hand over her own. His hand is big and warm, calloused but still soft enough to make her body shiver from the contact. “That is shit, Sansa. I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“It’s okay,” Sansa says automatically, before feeling emboldened by the wine to add, “but you know what’s the most screwed up part? I’m actually more upset about the mattress than I am about Harry. I mean – I paid for half of that mattress and mattresses are expensive, Jon. They’re supposed to be an investment, right? Except now I’ll never be able to use it.”

He shakes his head, smiling bemusedly at her. “You’ll buy a new mattress.”

“But it was a really good mattress!” she whines. “It has one of those memory foam things.”

“Oh jesus, yeah, that’s definitely a real loss,” Jon nods with a completely serious expression. “I’m sorry for your pain.”

“Shut up.” She swats at him with one of the ends of the duvet. “You’re an asshole.”

Jon grins, grabbing the remote from her and flicking through Netflix for something else to watch. “I hate to break it to you, Sans, but everyone in this flat is an asshole. Even you.”

“Excuse me?” she cries out indignantly.

Uhuh, so you’re saying you’re not the one that threw all of Theon’s toiletries into the toilet? Or the one that keeps turning down the boiler so it’s practically the Arctic Circle in here?”

“Well…” Sansa chews on her bottom lip as she hides behind her wine glass. “In my defence, Theon deserved it and – I like the cold.”

“See,” Jon smirks now. “Asshole.”

+++

Theon gets dumped by his girlfriend on a Friday.

In the five months Sansa’s been living with them, Theon’s been with this girl for three of those months and he was actually normal. He only had to add to the douchebag jar every other day as opposed to every day. They were even becoming sort of friends because apparently boyfriend-Theon likes to get Sansa’s opinion on how to dote on his girlfriend. It was cute, which was why when Theon comes home looking as broken as an abandoned puppy, Sansa is game with the boys to taking him out and getting him shitfaced drunk.

She’s not much of a drinker herself. Sansa doesn’t like to lose control. As a Scottish woman from a very Scottish family, this is practically unheard of, but her mother is from a posh family in Oxford, who doesn’t believe in drinking in excess, so that’s probably where she gets it from. It works out in their little ragtag group because by ten-thirty, Theon and Robb are so drunk they’re swaying and stumbling into anyone in a ten-metre radius, and Sansa just knows she’s going to have to shove them in a taxi soon.

Bitch,” Jon slurs beside her. The two of them are leaning against a table, watching as the two idiots tell some wild joke to a group of girls, who look way too young for them.

“What?”

He glances down at her for a brief second before returning his focus on the boys. “Theon’s ex. She was a bloody bitch.”

“What actually happened?” Sansa asks. She doesn’t know the story and she’s too afraid to ask Theon in case he starts crying, because drunk Theon? She can handle that. Emotional and crying Theon? That’s out of her realm.

Jon sighs and angles his body towards hers so he can lean in to speak more privately.

It is incredibly unfair how attractive he is. Sansa shouldn’t even be thinking that he’s hot because he’s her flatmate, and over the past few months, Jon’s become something like a best friend to her. They spend most weekends together lying on the sofa watching Netflix and drinking wine. He’ll occasionally drop by the preschool she works at if it’s his day off to bring her lunch. And if he’s working late, Sansa will wait up for him just to make sure he’s home in one piece and there’s someone there for him to talk to if it’s a particularly gruesome fire. She doesn’t want to ruin that by something as stupid as attraction.

“She told Theon that he spends an unreasonable amount of time with us,” Jon says lowly, the timbre of his voice sending shivers up her spine. “She actually told him that he shouldn’t have flatmates at his age and gave him an ultimatum to either move in with her or break up.”

“He chose us?” Sansa’s voice wavers and she forgets all about Jon and his stupidly attractive face and body because she’s suddenly overcome with such affection for Theon. Yeah, he’s a bit perverse and has no brain-to-mouth filter, but he chose them.

“Of course he chose us,” Jon says, looking at her incredulously. “Theon may be a prick most of the time but he’s loyal.”

“He just gives off the impression that he’d drop us for the next best thing,” she admits with shame colouring her tone.

To Jon’s credit, he chuckles and touches her shoulder gingerly. “I’m not saying he’s not an opportunistic twat or that he won’t screw us over one day but never intentionally.”

That sounds more like the Theon she knows, but even so, Sansa can’t find it in herself to really hate him for being that kind of person. It’s just who he is. With a father like Balon Greyjoy, it kind of makes sense for him to be the way he is, but Jon’s right. He is good. Given the chance, he would do the right thing – which is exactly the moment Sansa spots his ex-girlfriend and anger curls deep in her chest.

“Wait here,” she tells Jon and starts forward without waiting for a response. As Sansa gets closer and closer to Naiyla Rochelle, she starts to realise she doesn’t exactly have a plan. She wants to punch her but that probably isn’t going to help Theon any. She could tell her if she ever contacts Theon again, Sansa will have her killed and hide her body in the river or something, but that seems very extreme and hyperbolic.

Naiyla,” she greets with a wide obviously fake smile. “It’s good to see you again.”

The brunette startles at seeing Sansa but plasters on an equally fake smile. “Sansa, hi. How are you?”

“Pretty great.” She’s at least a good foot taller than Naiyla so she uses her height to her advantage, straightening her limbs to appear more intimidating. “I’m so sorry to hear about you and Theon. It’s such a shame. But I guess it worked in my favour, you know?” She smiles bashfully. “I’ve always had the biggest crush on Theon.”

“Really, you?” Naiyla looks sceptical.

“Are you kidding?” Sansa says with wide eyes. “He’s a bit rough around the edges, I admit, but when he cares about someone, he’s loyal till the very end. He’ll wade through trash just to get back to the people he loves.” She glances behind her and waves in Theon’s general direction. “Oh, I have to run now. So nice to see you again. Have a good night, Naiyla.”

When she saunters back to Jon, he has one brow arched and a bemused smile on his face. “What did you say to her? She looks ready to kill you.”

Sansa smirks. “Nothing. I was the perfect lady.”

“Yeah,” Jon smiles, fond. “I bet you were.”

+++

Sansa goes away to a teacher convention for four days. It’s the longest she’s been apart from the boys in seven months and she really misses them.

She misses the lazy afternoons with her brother sitting on the roof of their building. She misses Theon yelling and shouting at the football match as he simultaneously tries to explain to her what’s going on. She misses Jon and his hugs and how he always smells like smoke and something distinctly him. She misses the way he catches her eye across the breakfast table and gives her a small barely-there smile. God, it’s pathetic but she even misses the way he would argue with her about the best way to handle problems in the flat.

When Sansa finally returns, it’s to an empty flat and she can’t help the kernel of disappointment from ricocheting around in her stomach. She wasn’t expecting a welcome back party but she did expect something. Dropping her suitcase in her room, Sansa immediately goes to take a shower because three hours on a bus has made her feel gross and sticky. But once she’s done, there’s still no one around. In fact, by the time Sansa finishes her dinner, she’s beginning to get a little worried about where everyone is. It’s a Sunday so they should all be home. None of them ever do anything on a Sunday.

To Flat Fam

Sansa: Where are you guys?

Barely a minute goes by before she gets a response.

Robb: Ur home!? I thought u were getting back on the 10th!

Sansa winces at her brother’s text speak. She hates text speak.

Sansa: It is the 10th!

Robb: Oh shit. Sorry Sans. Theon n I are in Manchester for the footy. We’re getting the late train back. Won’t be in till midnight.

Sansa: Okay. Where’s Jon?

Robb: Wait is he not in his room?

Sansa: No.

Abruptly, her phone starts buzzing and it’s Robb ringing her.

“Uh hello?”

“Okay, so don’t yell at us but we didn’t tell you because we didn’t want to worry you,” Robb greets without preamble.

“What are you on about?”

Her brother sighs heavily on the other end of the line. It’s a bit of a strain to hear him over the roaring crowd in the background. “So Jon, our resident idiot, got himself hurt during a house fire. He had a concussion, a couple of fractured ribs and he lost a lot of blood. He’s okay now but he’s supposed to be on house rest.”

Sansa’s heart slows to a worrying pace. The very thought that she could’ve lost Jon and no one even thought to tell her is making her body shut down, like it just doesn’t know how to react.

“He’s at the station,” Sansa says mechanically, working on autopilot now. “I have to go.”

“Sansa, don’t –”

But she’s already hung up and grabbed someone’s jumper from the back of a chair. Coincidentally, it’s Jon’s. His scent overwhelms her and she’s stuck between being furious with him and just wanting to bury her face in his chest so she can breathe him in and be sure he’s really there.

It takes her nearly twenty minutes to reach the station. The entire time people have been giving her a wide berth as she stomps through town in Jon’s way too large jumper, her pyjama bottoms and the three-inch heeled boots she left lying by the front door. It’s probably not going to get her on any street style list but she’s glad for the space it’s providing her.

When she enters the station, her eyes immediately zero in on one of Jon’s coworker. She’s met all of them several times now at house parties and pub nights, so she doesn’t hesitate to grab him by the shirt.

“Where’s Jon?” Sansa demands. He shrinks from her glare. “Edd, I’m not kidding around. Where is he?”

“Uh… upstairs. In the… um, office.”

Unclenching her fist from around Edd’s shirt, Sansa continues to stomp her way upstairs until she sees the office and barges in. Jon jumps from his seat with a hand over his heart as he stares up at her.

“Not one text!” Sansa shouts at him. “I didn’t get one text from you this entire weekend. You know, at first, I thought to myself, ‘oh he’s probably busy,’ so I didn’t overthink it, but I just found out from Robb that you were in an accident?” He opens his mouth to reply but she cuts him off. “What if it was more serious? What if you had died? And the last thing we ever said to each other was just… I don’t know. I don’t even remember, Jon! I can’t even –” Her voice breaks and she realises belatedly she’s crying. “I can’t remember!”

Jon’s up and out of his chair in seconds, cupping her face in between his hands. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Sansa,” he murmurs between kisses to every inch of her cheeks. “But I’m here. I’m here and I’m alive and I’m not going anywhere.”

“You can’t promise that,” Sansa points out, glaring at him even though she’s still crying. “No one can promise that.”

“Okay, how about I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life however short or long it is talking to you every day?” Jon suggests with a faint smile.

She shakes her head. “That’s silly. You don’t have to talk to me every day.”

“But I want to,” he says seriously. “I want to talk to you all of the time. When I don’t, it’s like – nothing feels right, like I’m missing something.” He leans forward slowly to give her ample time to move away and kisses her. It’s barely there, just the soft press of lips, before he’s pulling back. “I’m so bloody in love with you, Sansa.”

Instead of responding, Sansa grabs the collar of his shirt and drags him back to her so she can show him just how much she loves him too, how no one’s opinion has ever meant more to her than his, how he can fix any bad day just by wrapping his arms around her and letting her cling onto him.

When they’re lying in her bed later that night, Sansa rolls over, her cheek pressed into his bare chest and whispers, “I love you too, Jon.”

+++

“You two are real cute and all but I do not want to walk into my own home and be greeted by the sight of my best friend and my baby sister having sex.”

Sansa untucks herself from Jon’s side so she can turn and roll her eyes at her brother. “We’re literally cuddling on the sofa fully clothed.”

“Yeah, well, this is a PDA-free zone,” Robb huffs as he disappears into the kitchen with the groceries, while Theon walks up to the back of the sofa with an awkward smile on his face.

“Uh Sans… Can I talk to you for a second?”

She nods and then turns to Jon to see if he knows what’s going on but her boyfriend just shrugs. Sansa follows Theon out of the living room to the corridor. He looks even more uncomfortable now than he did before, which is really bizarre. She’s never seen him this awkward in her life.

“I ran into Naiyla today,” Theon says. “Apparently, she thinks we’re together?”

Sansa barks out a laugh. “Oh my god, I forgot all about that!”

“What? What do you mean?”

“Remember when we took you out after she broke up with you?” she asks, to which he nods. “I saw her there too and I might’ve told her I had a huge crush on you and insinuated she was a pile of trash.” Sansa shrugs, smiling sheepishly. “Sorry…”

“Sorry?” Theon repeats and laughs loudly, drawing her into a hug. “Oh no, don’t ever fucking apologise for calling her trash! I mean that’s awesome. Thanks, Sans! I didn’t even know you liked me that much.” And in typical Theon fashion, he winks at her.

“Don’t push it,” Sansa says, heaving a sigh. “I like you a small amount but I hate Naiyla more for what she did to you.”

Theon sniggers. “Yeah, she’s a fucking bitch. Tried to get back together and everything.”

No, really!”

“Yeah, apparently she ‘missed me so much’,” Theon mocks and rolls his eyes. “Never again.”

“I’m glad you’re over her,” she says emphatically, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Honestly, you can do way better.”

“It has been like, nearly a year since we broke up, Sans,” Theon says. “I’m ready to move on and whatever.”

“Good! That’s really good. It took me awhile too after Harry but…” She glances back towards the living room to the sounds of Jon’s laughter. “It was worth it to go through all of that shit to get to him.”

A rare genuine smile appears on Theon’s face and she almost wants to comment on it but his next words are even more surprising that she doesn’t get a chance.

“I’ve never seen either of you look so happy… but it’s not just that. It’s like you’re both finally at peace or something. I don’t know.” He shrugs a little bashfully, like he doesn’t want anyone to know he can actually have meaningful thoughts. “It’s nice to see, that’s all.”

“Aww, Theon, you do have feelings!”

“Oh fuck off, Sansa.”

anonymous asked:

Do. Them. All.

oh! um- well… I GUESS HERE WE GO. LONG POST IS LONG:

1. what is your sexuality? 

2. what gender do you identify as? 

Cis lady

3. how long have you been aware of your sexuality/gender? 

It has been a long journey, that started with me thinking I was bisexual (but picky!) in highschool to me thinking I was pansexual (but homoromantic!) in college to me watching the “Battle of Times Square” scene in Ghostbusters last year and realizing I will never actually be attracted to a man when I have seen the one true light of lesbianism.

Originally posted by random-lezbean

Gender-wise, I did some soul-searching in college when a lot of my friends finally felt safe enough to transition, and other than an unhealthy obsession with beard-growing, I’m good out here as a chick. 👌✨

4. do you have any preferences? 

Girls who look like they could kill me with their bare hands, if they wanted to, but really just want to gently comb their fingers through my hair.

5. share a positive memory about coming out! 

I don’t really have any. I don’t really “come out” to straight people anymore because the one time I did, the friend I told immediately asked if I was attracted to/going to hit on her.

6. how do you feel about pride month? 

We should all be given the whole month off paid and trans/genderqueer/NB people should get an additional $1000 cash. 

(I like it.)

7. do you participate in pride related events? any other events? 

I get a cold or something happens every June where I don’t feel up to going to Pride, but like HOPEFULLY THIS YEAR? (Baby’s first Pride at 25 is gonna be WEIRD. Someone hold my hand.)💦

8. how do you feel about lgbtq roles in media? 

I WANT MORE. I WANT THEM ALL. EVERYONE IS GAY.

9. do you feel pride in who you are? 

Yeah, I really like who I am and I’m proud of what I had to go through to get here. I like that things feel right in my life, for once.

10. who has been your supportive idols in your self discovery? 

Looking back, Karolina Dean and Xavin from Runaways were some of the first gays to really have an impact on my life. When Xavin starts IDing as female it like… struck a chord with me about their relationship. I was just like, “yeah that feels right.”

Hannah Hart was a BIG DEAL for me and meeting her was so nice. It’s so great to see an openly lesbian woman being real and kind and succeeding. Watching her evolve and grow over time has been amazing. Also, that bod now, like omg Harto-san, you have become your true self and that self is making me BLUSH.

Originally posted by lchyeahyeah

Rebecca Sugar is weirdly important to me, being in the animation industry, myself. Like… it’s so good, seeing her make a show about girls loving other girls after BEING PERSONALLY TOLD that gay content was inappropriate for children while I was in school. Noelle Stevenson and the crew on Lumberjanes are similar, because you get told you can’t make queer content for kids by the old guard. That it won’t sell, that it CAN’T sell in certain markets and that kids won’t get it. All I can think of is that HAD I known at 7 that girls can like girls maybe I would’ve asked Emma out after class and my life would be different. I don’t want that to keep happening to little girls and I’m so glad that people like Rebecca and Noelle exist.

@yamino and @summerlightning are like… life goals and wife goals. I’ve been following them for years and sometimes I just think how I’d want like EXACTLY their lives. Make gay webcomics with my pretty wife. That’s all I want to do. (Hey, read their comic @sisterclaire​, it’s gay af, you’ll love it.)

Hayley Kiyoko is a biracial sapphic queen and I love her and she is so nice and genuine and she gives GREAT HUGS. She sings songs about girls who like girls and they’re GOOD SONGS. Not just like campy gender-ambiguous low-budget stuff. She makes… god, her music videos. And I have met this small human and been to her concerts and the feeling of love and safety around that night was LIFE ALTERING.

Originally posted by saraquinsface

(Also, can we talk about how that’s the flag I gave her hanging up on stage behind her and how much I love her and still cry about that? See question #26 for that story.)

Kate McKinnon, see #3 for the latest in Eevachu self-discoveries. She’s just… SHE’S REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME. She’s famous and she’s weird and she’s out there playing big roles as an openly lesbian woman. She got me through 2016, which was honestly, THE FUCKING WORST. And she helped me accept that I can be a lesbian and still succeed.

Originally posted by myloveholtzy

BASICALLY, I WANNA SEE ALL THE SAPPHIC WOMEN SUCCEED, SO THAT I THINK I CAN SUCCEED AND FEEL SAFE DOING SO. REPRESENTATION MATTERS.

12. what sort of advice to have you lgbtq teens? 

Your parents are just people and one day, you’ll be better than them. You are strong, and you will find the people you are meant to be your people. You’re going to evolve and change throughout your whole life. Don’t be all tumblr witchhunt-y; people make mistakes and grow. Adults barely have any idea what they’re doing, we’ve just done it more.

13. have you come out to friends and family? 

Like occasionally? I only formally “come out” to other gays, so that we may huddle together like penguins in a storm of heternormativity.

14. how do you feel about the term “coming out” ? 

I don’t like that it’s made to seem like such a huge deal and that it’s a one time thing. Like… it’s such a pain and you have to do it over and over again and then all the straight people in the room get WEIRD ABOUT IT and you’re now the outsider and the feeling fucking SUCKS. I just don’t like that it’s a thing. The actual term is fine for what it is, since I don’t have a solutions otherwise.

15. do you believe there is a “closet” to come out of? 

Yeah, and it sucks that people feel unsafe enough that they have to be in one.

16. any tips on coming out? 

I am literally the worst person to ask about this because I just like… don’t. lol I let people figure it out. Non-queers love testing out their “gaydar.”

17. what’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to lgbtq characterization in media? 

Lesbians for the male gaze. HEY BUDDY, LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE POINT OF LESBIANISM. NO BOYS ALLOWED.

18. what’s your favorite parts of lgbtq characterization in media? 

When queer people get to play queer characters and make their own queer stories and I get to sit there and cry because it’s so GENUINE AND GOOD.

19. what did your teachers say about the lgbtqa community in school? 

Well, my animation teachers would low key be like that won’t sell (see that thing I said about Rebecca Sugar in #10). But I had a gay/straight alliance in highschool, so it was fine.

20. do you practice safe sex with the same gender? 

At this point, I would probably practice any sex with the same gender. (But yes, please.)

21. what’s an absolute turn off for you in the opposite/same gender? 

I don’t really like traditional butch/femme role types and I’m not into really masculine ladies. I like girls who are flexible with their gender expression like I am.

22. what’s an absolute turn on for you in the opposite/same gender? 

I am a sucker for a strong independent femme in heels that would love to smash the patriarchy and then smash me.

23. how do you feel about lgbtq clubs/apps/websites? 

I wish there were good ones and that I had time to find them or had a senior-qualified gay to tell me where they are in Toronto. WHERE ARE THEY???

25. how does you country view the lgbtq community? 

Pictured: Justin Trudeau, the Prime Minister at a pride parade.

On the surface, it’s pretty good. We also have to be careful because there are just some dirtbag conservatives waiting for us to get complacent and take away our rights. Currently, there’s a huge fucking thing about a trans right bill, so I’ve gotten to see which of my family member’s are absolute scum.

They’re here, they hate queers, but they’re usually drunk uncles.

26. favorite lgbtq actor/actress?

Hi, yes, hello, haaaaave you met Flat Kate? (see question #10)

Also, Hayley Kiyoko, because like…

…BIG GAY FLAG STORY TIME. So I went to her concert in Toronto this spring and I had everyone outside the venue that I could leave messages on it for her. All of the messages were so funny and heartfelt and there were so many baby gays at the concert and my old gay heart grew 3 sizes that day because they were there with friends and their parents and I was just SO HAPPY AND PROUD.

Then I meet Hayley because bitch splurged on VIP tickets. She gives the best hugs, and she took the time with fans and she was so genuinely happy to be there. We had a great talk and I was just thanking her for being her and doing what she do. And if you know me, you know how important it is that there’s biracial representation and she like got that. And then I give her the flag, which I had drawn on because I’M THAT KID and she’s saying how she’s gonna treasure it and read all of them and I’m like dying and trying not to openly WEEP.

Then I get into the concert which is ALL SAPPHICS, so I’m like the most comfortable that I have ever been in my entire life. Then the sound guys are setting up and they PULL OUT MY FLAG. Now, everyone knew me from when I had gotten people to write messages on the BIG GAY FLAG (”COME SIGN MY BIG GAY FLAG” is what I had been screaming), so when this flag comes out all the girls around me are like, “Girl, that’s your big gay flag.” And then I ASCENDED TO THE ASTRAL PLANE AND IT WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. 

27. any tips for heterosexual and/or cisgender people on how to handle lgbtq events/news? 

Don’t fucking make it about you. You aren’t the centre of the goddamn universe. No, you aren’t hearing about “gay news” too much for how many of us there are.

29. how do you feel about receiving questions about your sexuality/gender?

I’m cagey about it. It always feels so uncomfortable when it’s non-queer people asking. Queer people asking is fine and we can have a good dialogue usually, but cishet people treat me like I’m a novelty and it’s gross sometimes.

Like… dyke is tired, I don’t have time to give you the Introduction to LGBTQ+ class.

Be Still, Wanderer: A Story of Love, Loss, & Science


The human brain weighs as much as six human hearts. But sometimes the heart feels so heavy there might as well be no brain at all. Looking at a picture of her—the person who, for the past five years, I’ve variously known as Pooh Bear, Starmate, My Love, and Freckles—I use my finger to trace the outline of her face. Our past life together flickers in my thoughts. Tears and laughter and pain and joy, I see it all playing out in my brain, I feel it all in my heart. Things are over between us now, our relationship ending right along with our twenties. Good things must come to end, that’s what a refrigerator magnet told me once. Why should my relationship be any exception? It’s all for the better, I tell myself. But I don’t believe it. Instead, I just feel frozen. I stare at her picture, the room motionless, my memories alive. The freeze is interrupted only by my heartbeat. Someone tapping from inside, awakening me, reminding me I’m not dead, pounding out the old Plathian brag: ‘I am, I am, I am.’ The room is still, apparently serene—but here’s my heart pattering away, indifferent to the stillness of its surroundings. 

My mind feels overwhelmed with thoughts of loss. I want to think about something else—anything else. I decide to think about my thoughts. I have thoughts. Here they are, there they go, zipping around inside me. Here, like every other human, I have this three-pound mass of wrinkly, electrified meat trapped inside my skull, and it is busy. Busy sending signals throughout my nervous system—more signals than all the phones in the world combined—busy serving as the organic epicenter of my thoughts and actions, busy making me. My thoughts, the result of innumerable neurons and more synaptic connections than stars in the universe, coming together to create a self, an identity. I want to reach inside and pluck out one of these mysterious thoughts, but they are too elusive. The entire brain—no, the whole damn system— is at work, the brain just a bulbous gob situated at the top of a spinal cord that stretches and connects through all of me. I have a nerve—the vagus nerve—coupled to my hindbrain that snakes its way through my heart, lungs, and gut, never taking a break from its role as bodily regulator. ‘Vagus’ is Latin for 'wanderer’, and it’s largely thanks to this wandering nerve and its detours through my digestive tract that I felt butterflies in my stomach as I fell in love, and that I felt aches in my stomach as I fell out of love. 

And it’s not just the tortuous nerves and blood vessels that are hard at work. Here, like every other human, I have within me an entire ecosystem of living creatures. There are more bacterial cells in my body than human cells, which means I am more alien than me. My gut alone acts as the home for enough bacteria that if each one were a human being they could populate 15,000 planet Earths. Flowering flora alive and wriggling and eating and farting and breathing, none of them able to exist without me, and me unable to exist without them. Most are helpers, some enemies, generations living out their lives within me, subsisting on my existence. I am the God of a microbial cosmos. So much life and motion inside, and so much motion inside of that motion. All of them, all of me, and all that’s around me, everything that makes up this frozen tableau, is at its most basic level utterly dynamic. The subatomic scaffolding of these stolid and solid walls, if we could look close enough, would be jittering and jiggling and racing, particles with all sorts of exotic names—bosons, gluons, charm quarks, and muons—popping in and out of actuality, moving at incredible and erratic speeds, blurry and vibrant and empty, abstract entities not even existing in the way we like things to exist, but as probabilities, as potential thing-like things, ghostly and ever-moving, never stopping, forever in an ethereal dance that is, starting now, called the quantum shuffle.

All this invisible motion around me, I decide I need to move as well. 

I stand. 

Everything still seems so still. 

I take a deep breath. 

My feet are firmly planted, but the ground underneath—not so much. 

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Dadster/Babybones Headcanons

I’m bored, so I’m just gonna compile all my headcanons here. Some are dumb, some I think could actually be true if the dadster theory is true, some are just random. Also, some of these I talked about with my friend @zucchinimuffin and we came up with some pretty funny/cute scenarios with the skelefam, so I’ll include those too. Oh, and these are just my personal thoughts on this particular Undertale theory, they are in no way canon, so no hate please. However, I do encourage leaving your own headcanons in the comments or reblogs!

Also, so this post isn’t too long, I’ll put everything under the cut.

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DAY 3280

Jalsa, Mumbai                     Mar 20/21,  2017                 Mon/Tue 12:49 am





Birthday - EF - Meenu Gupta / Sikandar ….  Tue, March 21 being the birth of Meenu and Sikandar and our love and wishes go out to them in barrels of affection and wishes .. your ever Ef .. have a lovely day .. !! 




The pundits of social change and moralities and all that deserves attention from the attitudinal world .. profess and in many ways provoke the non sentimental, servile “be thou as it may”, deliverance of our presence in todays world .. for too long through our years of invasion induced sublimation, we have suffered that ‘other cheek’ attitude ..

There is I believe a complete turn around in that thinking, and the young that are now the dominant percentage of the country, feel greatly more liberated than before in expressing themselves, in creating debate and discussion with appropriate reasoning, on matters that concern them not just personally or academically, but in worldly affairs, on everyday matters, on attitudes and decisions made in general .. justifying their reasons with adequate dialogue and argument .. I am certain there were many of the older generation that had similar opportunities and words to say and express .. but they were never quite as much heard as are today .. the modes of communication has given them those advantages and facilities to do so .. and this is worthy of great admiration .. for me personally it is a most welcome change ..

Having lived our early years in some darkness about the many facets of life, it is now an education for me, to be in the company and mindset of that much publicised 65% of the young that dictate terms in this vast and diverse nation !!


Many of the beliefs that we had, or rather I had, during those early years of the 40′s and 50′s right down to the 80′s 90′s and now the ‘16 ‘17′s’, present themselves to me, in great candour .. and I am now subjected to a spirit of asking and questioning, rather than submitting to whatever prevailed without ever seeking explanation  .. being an elder citizen helps .. it gives one the liberty of unabashedly seeking explanation and information, without the embarrassment during the earlier times of the self consciousness that existed in abundance .. now we , or rather I do not give such credence to the self consciousness .. there is a peculiar kind of special unabashed acceptance of any ignorance that we encounter .. and are like that innocent child, seeking answers to millions of questions that arise in their fertile young minds ..

The query answers, are perhaps a lot younger than me, and give that age respect, refraining from a giggle or sneer that would have ruined an early year answer .. that senior citizen syndrome plays strong and guided acceptance first, and then later too ..

What I would have hesitated to ask earlier, now comes naturally in droves .. I feel relieved and blessed that it happens .. for if it did not, I would have created a valley of unexplained questions within .. hoping first, that no one asks for an answer or response from me .. and if they did, to have the acumen to hedge the moment by changing the topic of discussion  … !!!


But .. the scenario too has changed for the better .. the tools of communication have provided an answer for every possible issue in the world .. ethically socially morally civically  .. Apps., and Google and T and FB are now information centers open 24 hrs .. there is no hesitation in finding out the reason or explanation or status of any wonder of the world - and I do not mean those typical wonders like the ‘Hanging Gardens of Babylon’ and the Pyramids .. but wonders of the rapid access to information from any part or point of the universe .. simply so fulfilling and desired  .. 

Nothing seems to puzzle the young these days .. their answers are on the tip of their fingers .. and if not, they shall construct ways and means of having them .. that is the admiration I am so enamoured by ..

Long may they continue to be blessed with such adventure .. and long may they keep contributing to this still unexplored world ..

My love ..


Amitabh Bachchan

and you're hoping that it goes right

pairing: lin-manuel miranda x reader

summary: he really was running out of time.

words: 1,390

warnings: angst!, smoking, mentions of alcohol, like… two swear words

a/n: ugh, i am really not satisfied with this one. but i spent way too much time writing it, so i may as well post it. also my grammar is a mess, i’m sorry. anyway, this song helped a bit. enjoy.


The sun was just about to rise and grace the horizon line with its warm light when that familiar feeling filled your chest. You never wondered how to describe it, you couldn’t name it and you never wanted to, you hated it with all your heart and you wished you could forget about its existence. But that was impossible. Once it settled in your mind, it could never go away. The strange thing about it was that it started torturing you at the same time another entirely different feeling found its place in your heart. It was at the same time Lin came into your life, turning your world upside down and instantly becoming the only person you cared about.

Keep reading

Do Your Worst (Draco X Harry)

Type: Fluff

Warnings: None

Summary: When Draco gets called in by Scorpius’ potions teacher, he gets a pleasant surprise when he finds out who it is

Word count: 885

Note: In this imagine, Harry never got together with Ginny, and Albus Potter doesn’t exist (I’m sorry okay don’t shoot me)


Requests are open!


Draco Malfoy never thought he’d be walking the stone corridors of Hogwarts School again. And yet there he was, expensive black Italian leather shoes making no noise on the silent stone corridors that lead to the potions classroom.

He’d been called in by a ‘Mr Potter’ to discuss his son’s progress in Potions that year, and fought back a wave of emotion at the sound of the name. He mustn’t let himself get his hopes up - the surname ‘Potter’ must be very common. He found himself, fist raised, about to knock on the door to the classroom he hadn’t entered in years.

Three sharp knocks echoed along the stone corridor.

“Come in.” called a voice from behind the door.

The door swung open, and Draco felt his breath catch in his throat, as he saw the mop of brown shaggy hair bent over some parchment. Cliche really, but he couldn’t help himself. He’d always had a curious liking for Potter, which was something he’d never admit to of course. After a few seconds, the professor looked up from his writing.

The exact same glittering green eyes met his from behind the same round glasses. A grin broke out across Harry’s face.

“Draco Malfoy?” he asked, though more as a statement that a question.

“Harry Potter?” Draco replied, much in the same manner.

Harry nodded as he gestured for Draco to take the seat opposite him, which he did, smoothing out a non existent crease in his crisp, black suit. There was a moment of awkward silence, until Potter took the inicitave to break it.

“So, how’ve things been for you Draco?” Harry asked, pushing his glasses up, something that Draco had always found oddly attractive.

“Nothing too interesting.” swallowed Draco, tugging at his tight collar. “Me and Astoria got divorced a while back, and Scorpius came to live with me. It can be difficult at times, but we manage. How about you, Potter? Met anyone special yet?”

“Nope, not unless you count my cat.” laughed Harry, watching as Draco managed to momentarily excited but still smoulderingly sexy at the same time.

The bastard.

“Anyway, you called me in to discuss Scorpius’ progress in Potions?” asked Draco, diverting the conversation away from personal matters.

“Yes, yes I did.” said Harry, running his fingers through his still disheveled hair. “Scorpius is doing exceptionally well in Potions classes, so much so that I think he finds lessons almost insultingly easy. I am of the opinion that he be moved up a year group for Potions classes, to challenge him further. I called you in merely to ask for your permission for this to go ahead. Do I have this permission?”

After a moment of silence, Harry repeated his question, snapping Draco out of his trance.

“Yes, yes of course you do.” muttered Draco, attention still elsewhere.

Merlin, Potter had aged well. He’d lost his skinny frame and filled out in muscle, with strong arms and a toned chest under his tight t-shirt.

“Do you want to come get a butterbeer at The Three Broomsticks with me?” blurted Draco, mentally slapping himself when he saw the surprised look on Potter’s face. He breathed an almost audible sigh of relief when Harry smiled.

“Of course Draco.”


*time skip*

“Draco…” Harry began awkwardly. They were far done with butterbeer and had moved on to firewhiskey some time ago, yet it didn’t make the initiation of this conversation any easier.

“I know what you’re going to ask Harry. You’re going to ask why I didn’t reveal your identity to Belatrix and the others all those years ago? Why I refused to let them torture you?” muttered Draco, allowing one strand of white blonde hair to stray into his eyes before brushing it out of the way.

“Yes, that was what I was intending to ask. You hated me Malfoy. Why save me?” asked Harry, downing the remains of his glass and setting it to one side, looking the blonde straight in the eye.

“You’ll probably think I’m rather an idiot after this, but I intend to say it anyway.” began Draco. “I’ve always liked you Potter, in more than just a friendly way. I suppose I tried to hide it, because then what would my father say? His only son, pureblood Malfoy, a fag? He would have disowned me. But I don’t really care about him any more, I just care about saying this to you, right now. I didn’t reveal who you were because how could I stand to torture the only thing I’d ever had in my life at that point that I truly loved? And now I’m aware that I’m just nervously babbling and-”

Harry cut Draco off by pressing one long, slim finger over his lips, the touch sending shivers through both of them.

“I’ve always had feelings for you too Draco.” laughed Harry. “I suppose we could have saved ourselves a lot of shit had we just admitted our feelings for each other.”

There was a moment of silence that quickly became uncomfortable, as Draco’s piercing dark eyes met Harry’s smouldering green ones.

“Harry, I’m going to kiss you now, because I honestly don’t think I can physically restrain myself.” breathed Draco.

“I’ve been waiting to hear those words for a decade Malfoy. Do your worst.”

Basically a slightly modified RANT i made about @MARVEL as LEGNA on a fanfic(had literally nothing to do with the fic. Biggest tangent on a comment ever. but i did it, and i got to get it out of my chest, its been EATING at me for a while.)

My dumbass is starting to realize that 616 will only ever satisfy people with their stories on an Action level. Because, the thing is, these characters have being around a long time, and will be around for even longer. Because it is believed that the audience doesn’t wanna see their characters grow old, comics freeze them in time. This creates perpetually young characters with a bunch of action and shit going down, constantly, through a long period of time. Like, 40 years to the reader, equals, say, 10 years in the X-Men, for example. Add the fact, that the idea of writing a happy couple doesn’t appeal to writers, for the reason that the sole idea of keeping that up, for who knows how long, might bore the audience(completely debatable). The only couples that are allowed to be happy, these days, are the ones that might, in the real world, be given a harder time by our awful society simply for existing (Take Biracial Couples: jessica jones/luke cage, or Same Sex Couples: rictor/shatterstar). I reallyREALLYreally hate ABSOLUTE FALSE idea that the idea of writing an established couple is the ruination of two great characters. (This implies that the most exciting thing that can happen to a couple is a dramatic rupture, almost as ridiculous as the idea that the very best thing that might happen to someone is being in a relationship). You can still write life partners, in an interesting, entertaining way, that stick together through thick and thin, regardless of how hard it gets(Mystique/Destiny, until Irene died). The way comic writers keep tearing people apart, for what almost appears to be a lazy try at the glorified “Gritty Realism”. ’S got me yawning at this point  ya’ll, tbh. We all have a pretty clear idea, how the X-Men would have been wrapped had it been meant to be a short story, or at least a story with a specific date of caducity. I am not ranting for the sake of Romy(ROGUExGAMBIT), because as much as I love the couple, that is neither here nor there. What annoys me is the fact that Rogue’s characterisation is a fucking tragedy (I’m using her, as an example, never mind the fact that most heroes act like goddamn teenagers in these books). No one who’s gone through the stuff she’s gone through, acts the way she does in the comics (the way she’s been written by certain authors). She’s literally the Token Angry Person. Know what I’d REALLY appreciate at this point? ACTUAL Gritty Realism. Not glamourised SuperBullshit. Give me Heroes in therapy. Give me Heroes with PTSD. Give me Heroes that switch sides(whether it’s for the better or as a mistake). Give me heroes that struggle with killing, and collateral. Give me Heroes that cash out in the pursuit of their own happiness. Give me Heroes with anti-climatic deaths. Heroes who struggle with addiction. Realistically positive things, even. Heroes who part relationships amicably. Give me Piotr Raputin AND Kitty effin’ Pryde, actually, compromising about their Personal Ideologies(They are both heroes who believe in the Greater Good. The only people who do not manage to compromise on these types of things, are those who care more about being right, than they do about their own happiness). Because, while I do believe, that a Superhero’s life would be HARD AS ALL HELL. Even more so as a couple, I also believe that surviving the amount of shit that they already HAVE together would create a very specific type of bond that isn’t addressed in 616!canon. Using Gambit and Rogue as an example: With that  whole SHITSHOW with Vargas under their belt among everything else… There is no way that a break up down the line would NOT have been cataclysmic, emotionally. To an extent that a civilian would never understand. That shared life experience is under NO circumstances on the same level as “Oh, we had even rented our wedding venue, and now we are perfect strangers” (which is totes what one would guess with the tepid, half-assed, pussyfooting BS we read about them now a days). This is: We have literally, in a relationship or otherwise, brought each other back from the dead and now we don’t talk anymore. I’m not touching the whole Antartica fiasco with a 10-foot-pole (they addressed it like, once.  Rogue absorbed Remy’s despair and desire to die, and I’m just here like… weak. WEAK. Like…….. Should’t we talk more about this??? Did she try to come back when his psyche faded??? Ugh. UGH.) Comics Rogue is super indecisive, right? She’s like I’ll follow u till the ends of the earth to save you from yourself, and 3 minutes later, She’s like: I need some space. I need some time. I need to be alone. Like ??????????????????  In their line of work where they could be dead tomorrow that makes no sense. The kind of perspective that sort of lifestyle grants you doesn’t fit the high school level coping mechanisms. Like, yeah. perhaps if you live under normal circumstances, with a 9-to-5 job thats like a thing. BUT THEY DO NOT??????????????? THEY LIVE UNDER THE MOST BATSHIT REALITY? Like if those were her legit emotional resources she would’ve offed herself years ago????? BUT LETS SAY IT IS A THING. Let’s say that she does have that impulse to push everyone who loves her away. Realistically, she’d done it like at first????? and then I don’t know, GROW UP? ???????????????????

and the worst WORST PART
Is that lazy writing has gotten her character to read as this petty, insufferable bitch that Gambit puts up with??????
LIKE WHAT
that was not what her character was meant to be

AND I CAN’T EVEN BE MAD AT PEOPLE WHO HATE HER CHARACTER, BECAUSE IF I DIDN’T LOVE HER NEAR AS MUCH I’D PROBABLY SKIM OVER HER CHARACTER TOO AND GET EXACTLY THAT AS THE GIST OF IT.
UGH DON’T TOUCH ME 

I AM SO ANGRY


AND TO CULMINATE THE RANT: I have no doubt in my mind that their relationship would have NEVER deteriorated to the point it is today, had writers not fallen into drama for the sake of it. To have her push him away, as if that should be the deciding factor of Remy Lebeau being or not an adventurer. She wants him=Relationship(boring). She doesn’t=He lives it up around the world. At this point. I swear. Even if a writer were like: Yeah, you know what? kiss and make up. In a minute, another would be like: OCC (TAKING INTO ACCOUNT SAID CHARACTER’S CURRENT DEVELOPMENT) SLEEZY AFFAIR ANYONE HMM?. Then, the next one, would make the other get kidnapped by aliens, and since it has no fixated ending it’ll just go on and on and on. Pulling them together and apart, for ~Shock Value~. 


ALSO:

I am FOREVER BITTER that we FINALLYfinally get a FUCKING happy FUNCTIONAL, NON-CODEPENDENT, STABLE relationship, between ‘RORO AND LOGAN and 3 seconds later it’s like NOPE HE’S DEAD. BUT WE STILL WANT LOGAN THO. JUST NOT AT PEACE WITH LIFE. SO TAKE THIS OTHER VERSION THAT IS SUPER UNHAPPY. YAY.

THEY LITERALLY WANTED THE CHARACTER BACK. JUST NOT THE HAPPINESS AND FUCKING WELL DESERVED REST.

WE WANT MAN-PAIN-FUELED LOGAN
YEAHNO
fuck you for always.


TL DR: Real Life does, absolutely, deal with break ups and estrangement, and personal tragedy, and a whole lot of really REALLY shitty BS. But if I, as a 23 year old woman from a third world country, know enough about psychology, and wellness, and mindfulness, to fucking AIM to acknowledge and rid myself of toxic behaviour, to be better and HAPPIER. I have no doubt in my mind NEW YORK HQd Heroes, that are as well traveled as they are. Know as much as they do about the world, have just a bit more of a grip on their Emotional Inteligence than the cast of Jersey Shore. just saying’.


Quite Frankly? Like how much better would comics be, if we didn’t just get the Ultron’s back for the 67th time story, or “X” is back from the dead trope. IMAGINE if they used a mix of mundane/extraordinary elements to create a story. Like, i don’t know. Bobby coming out of the closet, and doing something lame like speed dating, and hanging out with Kyle and Jean Paul, and Star and Ric, while he tries to save the world. Like, give me SOMETHING heartwarming before you dash my hopes and dreams. Comics would be so much better if instead of trying to be a full on escape from reality with their far fetched, and at this point, quite honestly, pointless and repetitive adventures, we saw heroes, simultaneously, struggle with mundane, human problems, that they, in the end, managed to rise above of. TALK ABOUT WIN-WIN. 

Needless to say. I don’t believe that heroes are PRE-REQUISITELY supposed to come with an element of tragedy, or misery, in order to be a legit hero(SIDE-EYEING THE HELL OUT OF YOU DC COMICS

There are positive forces that push people into heroics, I like to believe. I do not subscribe to the idea, that it is a superheroes’ dissatisfaction with other elements in their life, that push them to be devoted heroes.

Another Storm over the Orange Ocean

So… This is not the first time Shinhwa Changjo (Shinchang) is having a fight with Shinhwa. I wrote a post regarding Dongwan’s drunken rant not long ago, but the way I see it now, some of the fights are not Shinchang vs Shinhwa; it’s actually Shinchang vs Shinhwa Company (Shincom). Yes, the way I see it, it is actually fans vs agency, like it usually is in the Kpop industry. It’s rarely fans vs artists. It’s just that in this case, the artists happen to be in the management of the agency. Hence, the complication.

And to avoid further complications, I’d just like to first clarify [read: disclaim] that I honestly don’t know first hand about what’s really been happening in the orange fandom, let alone in Shincom. Being a far away, foreign fan who barely knows any Korean has often left me in the dark and made me feel insignificant and left out; but that actually comes with the advantage of being able to retain 2 positions: as a Shinhwa Changjo and as an outside observer (plus, ignorance is bliss, and what you don’t know won’t hurt you. ^_^). So this entire thing you’re reading is basically my personal reflection both as a Shinhwa Changjo and as a general observer, so you might find the point of views to be both biased and objective. What I write in here is purely my own opinion and not representing anyone else’s, especially Shinhwa Changjo in general, as I can see that there are disagreements among us, which I think is something normal, natural, and healthy. Having said that, I would still be using ‘Shinhwa Changjo/Shinchang/orange fandom/us/we/our’ for the purpose of smoothing the flow of my writing and without the intention to make any generalization.

So my take upon the situation is that Shinchangs in general are basically happy that Eric, as a Shinhwa member, even as the leader of the group, is getting married. Based on my limited observation so far, many, if not most or all, non-Korean Shinchangs are totally in support of the marriage. Meanwhile, I heard (that’s right, I’ve never actually seen any authentic statement by any Korean Shinchangs) some K-Shinchangs are against it. On the other hand, it seems that the majority of K-Shinchangs are supportive of the marriage, yet anxious and worried about the future of Shinhwa after the members are married. Some seem to be frustrated with how Shincom is managing, handling, and communicating things; and 'things’ here means everything Shinhwa-related, not just regarding Eric’s nuptial news. Thus, I believe that the general sentiment for Eric’s personal life advancements and pursuit of happiness in the form of marriage is still quite positive.

However, I personally think that the timing for both the marriage and the negative feedback could have been better. And by this, I mean 2 things:

1. I personally do prefer him to get married after the 20th anniversary, and August 1st 2018 would also make a pretty date; but that’s just my own emotion-based personal preference, and even as a fan, I have no right to say anything regarding my idol’s private life. I heard Eric has personally explained his reasons directly to Shinchangs through his official post in the fandom’s fan cafe, but I really think that was unnecessary. He doesn’t have to explain himself. He doesn’t owe it to anyone to explain his personal decisions regarding his personal life; not even to Shinchang. Even his parents are giving their blessings, who are we to object to it?!?

2. The seemingly negative feedback on Eric’s wedding announcement is just the tip of the iceberg. The orange fandom seems to have been frustrated and anxious with Shincom’s management style for quite sometime, and that nuptial announcement was just the trigger that set off the anxiety time-bomb. I just wish that the negative feedback could have been held back until after the wedding; but then again, the more invested your feelings are, the stronger your reaction would be; and it is perfectly human to be heartbroken and upset. That being said, acceptance and denial are what differentiate us from being reasonable or delusional fans; and in any case, mean words are simply unnecessary and unacceptable.

Unfortunately, like I’ve mentioned above, the fact that Eric is the CEO of Shincom makes things complicated. Both Eric and Shinchangs ought to know that they love each other. I have written about how Shinhwa-Shinchang relationship is just like a family. The check and balance really work in this relationship as Shinchangs, Shincom, and Shinhwa members (especially Dongwan) often remind and reprimand each other whenever something is not right. (Hmmm… Come to think of it, I’ve just realized that my ultimate OTP is actually Shinhwa-Shinchang! LOL!)

I do love both Shinhwa and Shinchang very much. Whenever there’s a storm over the orange ocean, it always makes me upset, yet warm inside. The only thing that often makes me uncomfortable is how 'outsiders’ would generalize and perceive the orange fandom as being old but immature and rude. Well, we do have to admit that there are some of us who are immature and disrespectful, like the ones who had enabled the sharing of Eric’s message in an online article when he had specifically requested that the message not be shared outside of the fan cafe (although I am grateful to see positive and supportive comments for Eric from the readers of the article).

As old as the orange fandom is, this is our first time experiencing a Shinhwa member’s marriage. Eric, who apparently knows his fans (and the general Kpop industry) very well, seems to have realized this. Being the leader and protector of Shinhwa, he has expected and been ready to take the strongest, hardest, most painful 1st blow. I, and perhaps Eric too, expect that the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th blow that would come along with the other 5 members’ marriages would not be as strong if not completely diminish. (And I sure hope that all 6 of them would eventually be married *glances at Dongwan… Hyesung too* LOL!)

Writing this reflection has brought me to a new, rather unsettling realization. I have just now fully realized how much power fans have and how much Shinhwa and Shincom depend on Shinchang, especially K-Shinchang. Indeed, one of the keys to Shinhwa’s longevity is the undying support from Shinchang. A fandom consists of both the idols and the fans, and without one or the other, the fandom would cease to exist. Shinhwa members have already dedicated 20 years of their lives and have made a promise to themselves, to each other and to Shinchang to continue walking along the same road for as long as time allows them to; but they can only do so when Shinchang are walking with them, by their side until the end. This ship can only sail when the take and give from both sides are keeping it balanced. Sadly, the idols often have fewer choices in making personal sacrifices compared to the fans. As individuals, fans can, and often, leave the fandom anytime they feel like it. They can get married anytime they want to, and without having to inform their idols (d'uh! LOL!). Unfortunately for the idols, they would never have such choices without the risk of sinking the ship.

I guess all I’m wishing for is that Shinchangs, especially K-Shinchangs, would stay with Shinhwa and keep walking with them till the end, because an insignificant non-Korean fan like me definitely cannot balance the ship all on my own. T____T I once tweeted that I joined the orange fandom because of Shinhwa and stay in the orange fandom because of Shinchang. Now I’ve come to realize that Shinhwa members, especially Eric, may feel the same, and probably even stronger than I do. What if the only thing that keeps them going is us, their fans, their precious orange princesses/frying pans/bears? And no, I’m not talking about the money we spend on them, as if Oppas don’t have or can’t have other sources or means of income; I’m talking about appreciation, love, gratitude, and loyalty. Seriously, do we really have the heart to take that away from them? From Eric? They could have easily let themselves slowly drifted apart to disbandment during the 4-year hiatus, but they didn’t. They came back for us. And I wouldn’t even have been born as a Shinchang if they didn’t return; but they did, and here I am.

Anyway, as after every storm, all of us can learn something. No matter how old a fandom is, there’s always something new to learn and some room to grow. After this, the Shinchangs who stay are the ones who are already mature or would definitely grow to be more mature. So I still have an unwavering faith in Shinhwa, and one can not do so without having the same unwavering faith in Shinchang. For 19 years, Shinhwa and Shinchang have been growing, learning, and weathering many a storm together, and this is just one of the many more (at least 5 more) to come. Shinhwa and Shinchang are family. We fight all the time, which gets us talking, and eventually be honest with each other and ourselves, as well as see and acknowledge the truth, no matter how ugly and painful it is. But in the end, we always resolve our differences, as we could see each other’s points. So after all the drama, we’d be able to move on again as one, for Shinchang exists only because of Shinhwa, and Shinhwa won’t last without Shinchang.

Having said that, I really think that we sometimes take fangirling (and fanboying) too seriously, which Dongwan had apparently observed and keeps reminding us about it. No matter how much we love our idols, we should never invest too much feelings, time, energy, and money in them (although the last bit is very difficult with Shinhwa, as we know that they need the money and their products are always so expensive yet very tempting! =_=’).

Well, speaking of “Shinhwa is not responsible for your life”, I really need to stop writing and get back to dealing with my own shits. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you didn’t, thanks for your time anyway. ^_^

Ονα

There are many things I don’t understand. For the most of which I do claim blissful ignorance. There are shadowy sides to mankind and existence that are better left unknown. The why of gruesome acts can only be answered by traveling to the deepest layers of a diseased psyche to find the husk of that single evil seed that sprouted and grew rampant. Presuming there ever was such an evil seed. The truth might be that mankind’s nature is plainly horrid. That we are beings of destruction. Demonic cores purposely contained in decaying flesh for the sake of perpetual creation. For truths like these I do claim ignorance is blissful.

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This is the prologue to the book just wanted to test it against the cover concept. I would love to hear feed back on both. Enjoy.

The only good one I’ve ever seen is a dead one.”
Men dressed in long white robes adorned with armor laugh and joke under moonlight. A dancing fire warms them in the cool dessert sands.
“If I could, I’d hang every last one of them,”
says the guard with a scar through his right eye.
He stands taller than the other guards, with an unkempt beard. He runs his finger along the scar and continues.
“Well I mean, the feisty women can stay around. Am I right?”
They all laugh. One of the guards speaks up and says
“I’m sorry my friends. I might be single-handedly responsible for their population increase.” He continues, “When their women say no it sounds an awful lot like yes to my ear.”
They give hearty laughs as they take turns sipping from a big gourd with who knows what poison inside.
Not too far from their location in a shanty a mother stirs a small cauldron over a fire. Inside the cramped quarters other women and children also wait for a bowl of the broth being prepared. There is barely enough to feed all the mouths living here. They are not all related but to this huts inhabitants, this is family. The night seems still, calm and quite. The stars are shining on high. Perfect would be the best words to describe a night like this; only perfect is non-existent and short-lived in the district of Itami.
Four guards enter the micro dwelling by force, swords and malice drawn.
“My, My! Look what we have here”
The man with the scarred eye enters from behind three other guards. He walks towards the aroma in the room.
“This must be where you’d find the sweetest bitches!”
The guards all laugh at this as he grabs the woman in front of the fire. As he takes her into his arms the woman doesn’t speak a word.
“What are you making bitch? You look like something to eat yourself” he says while stroking the side of her face with the blunt side of his dagger.
The cool sensation from the steal almost freezes the tears beginning to fall from her eyes. The children begin to cry as the men stomp around.
The smallest child, a young boy cries, “Mommy!”, as he lunges for the dress of the silent woman, still in the clutches of the scar faced man.
The man looks down and presses his sandal against the child’s face, wedging him away from his mother and pulling the woman closer. The guards grab the other women who shared the hut and begin dragging them out.
The struggling women plead, “Please sir, don’t do this! We have nothing to offer and you Tu-su have everything.”
One of the women says “All we own are our lives!”.
“You’re kind doesn’t even own that much!”,
the scarred man mutters with a chilling tone.
The silent woman is still tight in his grasp and the children still weeping as they watch the women being taken outside. The silent woman stares through tears at the scared faced man. Her stare is so hot with hatred that her tears could evaporate as they pour out of her. Still she doesn’t speak a word, not even to plea for her life.
“Wood or steal?” the man with the scar face whispers in her ear while grabbing his excited cock which is now bulging and pressed hard against her lower back.
The woman jerks her body free of his grasp. She grabs the youngest boy and runs out of the dwelling. She puts her hand over the mouth of the child to quite him as she sprints through the maze of streets. The scarred faced man and one of the other guards give chase. She ducks behind some curtains and enters a random hut. She places the child in the arms of an older woman and raises the woman’s hand over the child’s mouth. The older woman begins to speak with a look of shock to ask what is going on but before she gets a word out the silent woman then turns and fleas again.
Outside the older woman can hear a man yell,
“Got you! You Su-su bitch!”.
The guard grabs her arms as she is about to turn a corner.
Out of breath from chasing the woman he says,
“Lucky if your cunt is as slippery as you are!”.
The scarred faced man walks up to them as she struggles to release herself from the guards grip. As he approaches them he says through a sickening smile,
“Ah, I see you’ve chosen both, wood and steel!“

Essays in Existentialism: FtWD IV

In the dark, there is nothing to see on the water. The sky melds into the ocean and the stars jump from the heavens to the sea, skinny dipping with reckless abandon and no reverence at all for the inevitable eyes upon them. The glow of the lights, the small amount of lantern glow, of solar-powered flashlights, of candles whimpering in the breeze, they all create a dome, create a universe that is impossible to truly gaze out from honestly. They shroud the inhabitants with light and they mask the dark, just a stopgap between the inevitable and stronger night.

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@the-archangel-of-zeref This is in answer to your question here; I made it it’s own post because it got long and I spent too much time thinking about this.

Question: How would YOU utilize the Empire if you had to?
And the Spriggan 12.
How would you show more of [Zeref’s] character with them?

So naturally this evolved into me restructuring Alvarez, the history of Zeref, Anna and the Eclipse Gate, Acnologia’s effect on Fiore and Alvarez both and why Alvarez and Fiore went to war.

I’m the worst?


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Golly they animated my favorite chapter in the manga, now it’s in the anime and its better than I could have ever hoped for. I’m ready to gush about Shigeru and Touko Fujiwara now and I’m so excited to do this because they are the absolute best most wonderful people in the world and I’m so glad that Natsume is with them. This isn’t really a post that has any actual meaning to it, either. No speculations or theories, just me gushing about how much I love Shigeru and Touko and how wonderful they are. Spoilers, and a ton of really sappy praise ahead. 

Firstly I want to talk about them as a couple, pre-Natsume. They are older, and have lived in the house that Shigeru, and presumably his parents, grew up in, for a very long time. What I adore about them is how much they love each other. They are so close and kind to one another. They tease each other a little bit, as you can see through the series, but past that they’re happy and content and comfortable with one another. And oh gosh they went on that date and it was so cute because Touko wanted to go to the aquarium and Shigeru agreed and it was so perfect and lovely and they were so happy. 

Now, as individuals. Shigeru is so kind and gentle. He’s a reserved man, probably doesn’t talk a ton regularly, and I am positive that his best friend is Touko, but he’s so wonderful. He doesn’t make fun of Touko for wanting to go to the aquarium, and they have a lovely time together. He’s so stable and kind and gentle. And when he goes to the funeral, he overhears these adults talking about how they don’t want to take this kid in and how they just want to pass him to someone else, and his first reaction is something that looked a lot like disgust? Honestly, same Shigeru. BUT then he sees this sad kid just sitting alone and dirty and I assume he thinks “How can I help this child be happy and safe?” So his first reaction is to just go home and think about whether or not he and Touko could maybe take the kid into their house. Like he starts cleaning that room, he gets lost in thought. He’s probably thinking “Yeah this could work. Yeah. He could stay here if he wants to. That would be good!”. And he is so understanding of Natsume’s situation too. He hears all this stuff about Natsume being a trouble child, and rather than forget and avoid this little child he’s like “Well then I’m just gonna offer approval, love, gentleness, and genuine affection and let this child relax in this safe and calm environment.” 

And Touko, she is an absolute angel. This is the type of woman who is so genuinely sweet and kind. She called to that crow in the middle of the street without caring about what anyone thought of her. She made friends with this crow and was so happy every time she saw it and I’m so happy that it made her happy. And she loves Shigeru so much, and their relationship isn’t strained or stressful because they don’t have children. And nobody ever says anything about them not having kids as a bad thing! She does seem to want children, but she’s never bitter or sad about it, and isn’t mean to any children because of it. She’s so wonderful. One of the biggest scenes I love though is 

THIS SCENE. Where Natsume mentions a white crow that she can’t see. Her reaction is surprised at first, but then it doesn’t turn into her saying “Where?” or “What are you talking about?” She realizes that Natsume can see something she can’t here and her reaction is 

SHE’S GLAD. She is so wonderful and lovely. She is a beautiful woman who loves this child so much and loves her husband so much and they are the ideal couple. (Also its so cute because when she goes on the trip, she turns to the crow and leaves him in charge of taking care of the house while she’s gone so Honestly? Same, Touko. Same.)

Now to talk about these two as a couple WITH Natsume because that is one of the most precious things ever. Firstly, I think it’s important to know that Shigeru and Touko have only ever been told that Natsume is a troubled child, but they want to take him in anyways. They clean out that room, they buy him furniture. And they don’t even jump to this conclusion right away either. Shigeru thinks long and hard before he even brings it up with Touko, and when she says yes, they spend even more time making sure Natsume is going to have a comfortable place to live. THEN on top of all of this, they fight tooth and nail with his other family to let him come stay with them. They even ask him if he wants to live with them, giving him a choice that no other relatives have ever given him before. On top of that, they don’t force him to become part of their family either. They are so patient with him, and don’t make him into a replacement for their own non-existent children. They understand that they aren’t taking this kid in because they want a child to be happy, or because they are being selfish. They’re only thinking of Natsume and how to make his life better. They aren’t completing their family with Natsume, just giving him the option to join it if he wants to. It’s so refreshing and wonderful.

Also, quick side note. I love how quiet and shy Natsume sounds in this episode before he opens up to them a bit more. Like, usually Natsume talks pretty normal around Shigeru and Touko in most episodes. He’s not afraid to be a bit loud, or excited. But before he opens up to them, he’s very quiet and shy, probably trying his best not to upset him in any way so that they don’t start treating him badly because of it. I fully expect that Natsume had been through quite a few familys where he was treated fine at first, until he began acting out slightly. Then, as soon as his behavior was “bad”, the family members started acting colder or harsher to him so the poor baby expected Shigeru and Touko to do the same BUT THEY DIDN’T!!!

Like, one of my favorite parts of the series is how Touko and Shigeru react to Natsume when he’s in the hospital after he fell off that cliff. The rest of his family is really bitter towards him, saying that he jumped off the cliff so he could hurt them. But Shigeru and Touko? They are so kind and gentle to him. Like, this is a kid who is at risk for growing out of his family. If Shigeru and Touko hadn’t come along, I fully expect Natsume would have been cut out of the family at 18 or whatever age is considered the minimum for adulthood in Japan. He would be forced to get a job, or pay back his relatives in some way for them taking care of him for so long, or just cut out of their lives and forgotten, told as a horror story to make sure their kids value and treasure their parents more. Like, if it wasn’t for Touko and Shigeru, Natsume probably would have ended up hurt worse than he was when he fell of the cliff, or homeless at 18, or worse yet, going with that Yokai who wanted him as a pet. But what do Shigeru and Touko do? 

They ask him so calmly if he wants to go live with them where it’s quiet and peaceful, and they are so ready to take him in because they don’t see a troublemaker or freaky kid, they see a lonely, sad boy who hasn’t got the attention and care he needs. They decide that they are able and willing to give him that attention and I love it so much.