This is going to be long but… like… you don’t have to read it. Its really personal tho so… yeah…
Ok So… most of you don’t know this, but I actually have a twin brother who is only a few moments younger than me. Though we are polar opposites, he is my best friend. He’s the person I call when I am lonely. I’m the person he calls when he’s stressed. All of my weaknesses are his strengths and vice versa.
When I discovered Lolirock I was instantly drawn to Mephisto and Praxina. Its so rare to see brother/sister twins done well in media (NOTE: Yes we’ve seen Gravity falls. Yes its wonderful). Its little things that other twins (I’m sure!) will know. The little side glances they give each other that need NO words. The bickering, but never crossing the line. The baseless threats… the scheming, even against their own leader… when you’re a twin the rest of the world comes second. Your twin feels like a separate part of you. Not a half or like a missing piece or something… like you have all these spare pieces that somehow makeup another human being who you don’t need to explain yourself to. The person who knows you SO well that they know every. single. thing. that. makes. you. CRAZY. And the person who knows you so well that with one word everything can feel better.
I was bewitched with how much they reminded me of me and my brother. The first example came from the episode ,“Batty,”
Mephsito: “Why do you always get to go first?”
Praxina: “Because I’m older,”
Mephisto: “WELL I’M TALLER!!”
This is literally a conversation he and I have had 100 times in our lives. I showed him the clip, he couldn’t believe it and demanded to know what the show was. He definitely teased me about it for its childish nature, but we started watching it here and there when we hang out, but only good twin episodes…
Finally we got to Forget You this last weekend, and he got extremely emotional watching it.
You see, around the time we were close to finishing highschool, I… slipped into a horrible depression and let myself slip away from all the things I cared about. I wanted to feel normal. River was the only person who noticed. He was the only person who tried to help me. I was good at faking my smiles and playing the part, so everyone else made excuses and brushed him off as being silly or seeing signs that weren’t there. They all liked me better this way. I was easier, I was nicer… but I wasn’t me. River could tell, and he desperately did everything he could to help me, but it only made me resent him.
When Mephisto yells at Praxina, “I need you to remember who you are!” my brother started to get misty-eyed (I literally sobbed the first time I watched it tho). He looked at me and we had a silent moment. It was uncannily similar to the last argument he and I had after my “accident.”
I did something really bad. It almost got me killed. I don’t want to get into it, but I was in the hospital for 2 weeks and my recovery took a year. My brother was the only person who stood by me in that time, despite our extensive family. They’re good people… but they took it all pretty hard and pretty much gave up on me for what I had done. I didn’t blame them. I still don’t.
But River was there every day. Eventually, he was the only one. He would talk about goofy stuff for hours, just trying to help get my mind off the things that were polluting it. And I would lay there silently. I was so lost and broken and sad I couldn’t stand him. I would usually pretend to ignore him, or say something mean. He never seemed to mind too much. He was just so happy I was alive. He never gave up on me, though. Not once. And every day before he left he would ask if he could kiss me goodbye. I always told him no, so he would just say he loved me and that he was so happy I was ok. But I wasn’t ok. And in my mind, I thought I would never be ok again. And I was furious and jealous of him.
One day, sitting in the hospital room, he made a very harmless joke about something and I responded with a very nasty insult, with only the intent to wound him. He got very quiet and sat still for a long time. It was the first time I had seen him cry since we were children.
“You know… everyone is mad at you. And I’m mad at you, too… but I love you too much to leave you. So You can give up if you want, but I will never give up on you… because I don’t know how to be without you.”
He had been fighting for me for so long at that point, and he was tired. He was completely exhausted. I finally could SEE it. I don’t know why I couldn’t before, but in that moment I finally realized all he had done, and I saw the last of his energy spent.
And he left, without asking if he could kiss me. And I cried. I thought I pushed him too far. I thought I had lost him like I had lost everyone else. I felt so alone.
But the next day he came back, with 3 cups of jello (2 for him, 1 for me), that big stupid grin on his face and stories about our classmates from the day. He made a joke about the boy who I had once dated, and for the first time in months, I let myself honestly laugh. It felt so good and strange and suddenlly all I wanted was for him to talk more. He laughed a lot that day, and made jokes about stupid things. We watched a horrible lifetime movie and mocked it the entire time and I don’t think I have ever laughed so much. I still felt horrible. I still hated myself… but I didn’t feel alone anymore, and I didn’t know how I ever did.
And when he asked if he could kiss me goodbye, I told him “sure,” and he blew a raspberry on my forehead. He laughed so hard and said, “I have been waiting to do that for DAAAYS!”
Things weren’t suddenly better over night…I was too broken for that. I would still have my moments of cruelty and I would still wallow in my own self-pitty, but my brother was always there to remind me of who I was, who I really was. And with him, a few good therapists and lots of time and hard work, I was able to put the brunt of it behind me. And that never would have happened had he not revealed to me how hurt he was for me.
Watching Forget You with him brought back that time for us both. It was emotional and tense watching it, but when Mephisto dropped to his knees, panting in exhaustion after dispelling all of his energy, only to have Praxina see his pain and willingly go back to him, River and I made the comparison.
Its exactly what I had to do. River fought for me until he had nothing left in him, and it was what brought me back to him. a
I don’t have a point to this… I guess… just… the twins are magical to me. That episode was insanely close to home. I’ve never related so closely to any kind of relationship on a show ever. And even if my brother will not watch anymore episodes (not his cup of tea) he loves Forget You. Its just nice to see something we can relate to on that level. I think Its a really special show for SO many reasons, and I am heartbroken to see Praxina driven to madness by the thought of her brothers death. Honestly, if that happened to River I would probably become a psychopath as well. a
In my brothers’ words, “I would fight ALL the sparkly princesses for you!”
Me too, bro. Me. Too.