i am just trying to make a point

Kylo on the path to redemption.

““But I don’t think it’s very interesting if the whole story is just ‘Will Kylo get his comeuppance?’ He’s a more complicated character than that and I think he deserves a more complicated story than that. I don’t see the point of trying to get behind his mask and learn more about him if all we’re going to learn is ‘Yeah, he’s just an evil bad guy that needs to be killed.’”

- Rian Johnson, director, The Last Jedi (2017)


Literally, this is what I’ve been saying to people who don’t believe Kylo will be anything more than a villain. Rian just confirmed it. Why would they remove the thing that makes him inhuman and focus on his emotions if his character was just one dimensional? I am so excited to see how Rian went about writing Kylo’s character and where his arc will lead him. (Also excited to see his arc cross paths with Rey and her reaction to his character change…but aren’t we all?)

[[ hello hello, mod here

i’m super sorry for the lack of posts; i’ve been meaning to, i just haven’t had the time. i started a new job recently, just finished a con, and am am temporarily in the hospital at the time of posting this, aha;;;

i’m slowly trying to get back into a schedule for art, and hopefully i’ll be posting story stuff soon!!

in the mean time, reblogs of old posts and new story-related asks are much appreciated!! i have a lot planned for this blog, but i need asks nd stuff to keep it running smoothly :0

anyway, ty for supporting me and life is weird, and i swear soon we’ll be seeing some special boys ♡ ]]

TRADITIONAL ARTISTS LISTEN UP

OR ANY ARTIST THAT MAY DO TRAD ART AT SOME POINT

BC IVE SEEN THIS SHIT INFORMATION PERPETUATED ENOUGH TO GET ME PRETTY FUCKING HEATED

EVEN IN FUCKING ART SCHOOL I WAS TOLD LIES AND IM SURE YOU WERE TOO IF YOURE AN ADULT ARTIST SO PLS LISTEN

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You know what I just realized? I really don’t get allosexuals.
*Example*
I’m hanging out with friends. Two of them are together. One of them looks at the other and says, “I’m thirsty”.
Now I know there are two definitions for thirsty. But I have no idea which definition they’re using.
I mean, they were kind of looking at each other sexually? *Side note: allo body language is strange too.*
So I start looking for something else to do in case they start making out. I mean, I guess I COULD try to carry on the conversation with them, but that seems a little rude.
They notice.
They start going over the top with sexual language, exaggerated voices, blah, blah.

Allos who know I’m ace tend to do this around me. I don’t know why. Is it normal allo behavior? Is it because I look uncomfortable? Is it because my life is actually a sitcom, and it gets a laugh from the audience? These are questions that will continue to be asked, but never answered.

Anyway, they leave. I now assume the orginal statement was sexual, and they left to go to their place to fuck.

They come back 15 minutes later, having gone to Walmart for Cokes. I state my confusion, they point out my mistake, laugh, and call me a prude.

HOW was I supposed to know?!

Is there some kind of secret allo code? Are they telepathic?

So if someone could explain this to me, that would be great.

Also, when I look away from people kissing/making out, I get the same, “Don’t be a prude” reaction.

…?

I can only look at you or away from you? I was trying to be polite by giving you space? Seriously, do allos just watch their friends kiss/make out?

I am so confused.

Send help.

Therapist: it’s not healthy to resist treatment
Me, while dissociating: uh huh

Things to Stop Saying to Yourself

1. “I’m no good at …”

Say instead “It’s just a skill, and something I can learn.”

2. “I’m such a failure …”

Say instead “I got it wrong, and everybody makes mistakes.”

3. “There’s no point in trying …”

Say instead “It maybe hard, but step by step will get me there in time.”

4. “Everybody hates me; I’ve got no friends …”

Say instead “It doesn’t really matter what these people think about me. There are others who will recognize my value and true worth.”

5. “I hate myself. I deserve to be rejected …”

Say instead “I am beautiful inside, and have value and worth. I deserve to be cherished and be treated well.”

THE MYSTERIOUS VLIVE VIDEO:  WHY WAS JIKOOK HIDING????

OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY! I received this same ask 4 times, in less than 24h. It just took me some time to answer it because I had to gather data.

I didn’t had a tumblr when that video was out so my detailed analyses wasn’t shared with ANYONE! But now you asked and I am ssoooooo glad you did. Because OH BOY!! I can easily spot a liar. And Jungkook was clearly caught in a lie.

Here we go : It starts with Taehyung doing a Vlive. A viewer asks him to go to another member’s room. 

He states that he doesn’t know their room’s number.

So He texts the other members to ask them about their whereabouts (using a group chat). You can hear him texting around 5:20. Somebody (we will discover later that he was talking to Jin, who was taking a bath) offers him to go to JK’s room and even gives him the room’s number. 

But he definetly texts JK to tell him that he is coming (5:35 to 5:41). He was smiling as he kept looking at his phone, waiting for a reply. However, He will not wait for an answer from JK. Because normally he is known to be always on his phone especially if the other members are doing a Vlive (Remember when Jin and jimin were doing a Vlive and kookie just came in). So he will assume that it is not a nuisance. Just a fun way to entertain Armys.

I want you to focus here: The text was sent at 5:41 and tae was in front of JK’s door at 6:14. Be it more than half a minute. 6:14 to 6:18 V will be calling Jungkook while knocking the door. JK will answer at 6:21 (It took him 7 seconds) to ask who it was. Of course he knew it was Tae tae. the members always joke how they can know eachothers just by their breathing or footsteps. He was just delaying the time. One more thing to take into consideration. The hotel rooms are not soundproof. Is this why JK is playing the music? (We will comeback to this point later). At 6:28 JK will be like asking someone ‘Who could it be?’. Then quickly finds the first excuse that comes to mind ‘I am not wearing clothes’. Because think about it, no other excuse could have worked better. This is also the first excuse you think of if you want someone to not just barge in into your room.

He will keep making unnecessary noises before opening the door. as if he was trying to hide the footsteps of someone (6:45).  Only at 6:49 JK finaly opens the room. It took him (6:14 to 6:49) 35 seconds. Knowing that he didn’t even wear pants… that take 3 seconds to put on nor the least tie his bathrobe belt that took him 7s on camera. So even the mere 10 seconds were precious doing something else? 

The light was  dim. And I could understand someone staying in a weak lighted room. (i am like that too). BUT a soft lighted room, naked and with some soft music he doen’t even know? This is called a mood setter to Bang Bing Bara Bing Bang. Maybe being naked can mean being at ease by himself in a hotel room (Who will believe that?) But why did he not take his makeup off. Jungkook is known to be allergic to foundation, so he is usually the first one to take it off. But our boy had a full glam on. Who were you trying to impress BOYAA~~

AND the anxious bunny got scared. But again why would you be scared? If you were in the room alone. We will just assume you were watching some video or masturb…. BUT there was someone else in the room … SO?

After that V was about to answer JK’s question “I wanted to be on V…” When a song starts playing. He first thought it was the ringtone of the phone on the table (7:16). But it was JK who was controlling the song using his OWN phone via bluethooth. So Whose phone was that? It was jimini’s phone (Chimchim used that same phone the next day for his Vlive).

Add to this jimin’s hoodie … (Don’t ask me how we knew. It is scary but we know their clothes. there is even bogs who just follow their fashion).

Then JK will keep asking again and again. “Why are you here?”. Tae will give him a simple obvious answer “to do V app”. and JK will be like “Ahh~~~” (Seriously boy why are you so nervous?!)

Jungkook will spot lot of food trash. He will say that he ate it all ALONE?! (JK was dieting) … So he is telling me: he was in the room naked, with the dime light, and the unknown romantic music? Eating bread? BOY I know you can’t lie … BUT THIS? You were totally eating something else but mainly not just bread

Can we talk about the bed? wasn’t the bed too well made? maybe that was the thing that took them time to open the door? Because if he was alone in a Hotel room while everything is all over the place. Why is the bed the only thing that is tidy? Even the pillows?

At 7:59 you could hear the bathroom door open while JK was adjusting the light and V was laying on the bed. Then Jk will tell Mr J “You scared me”. He was clearly not talking to Tae (8:05). That’s when we were 200% sure someone was hiding, AKA Mr J. 

At the start of the video The bathroom door was closed. But then the light in the bathroom was turned on and the door was slighty open. (Do you believe in ghosts? maybe but I believe in Jimin more). 

The mood in that video was so awkward. The tension was unbearable. And Jungkook was restless. Again out of the blue JK will say “I didn’t wash up yet” as “I still need to take a shower, so you better leave as soon as possible”. yet Tae answers by “I didn’t shower either”. Even V’s face darkened during a moment. remember how his face was all smiles at the start. 

The “I am too nervous to hear you, and have a proper discussion, so i will just talk about whatever” will keep going on and on. V will try to propose singing a song. But our bunny will be like “My makeup is smeared” … Boy why do you keep giving us clues we could have just ignored? *sigh* The makeup BTS get, is not the one you girls put. It is stage makeup. Made so even if they run, dance, be exposed to strong hot light. It will not budge. The fact that it smeared … and that he is concerned about it …OH GOD …*use your imagination da*mit Imma not describe everything. This is not smut GAH* 

There is also this discussion. V made JK believe that ALL of BTS sang before him. BUT Jk was like “How can it be true when one of them was with me the whole time kinda attitude” (8:58). he is so sure even if he didn’t watch the Vlive. 

Recall how he said he was hungry, that’s why it took him 5 decades to not even finish that small piece of bread? then says he was full? then asks to eat ramen??? Boy? Have you heard of logic? Yes it happens to me to be hungry exactly after finishing a meal. BUT I will finish the meal first … *He looks cute tho! Focus Mimi focus. don’t get distracted by that bunny*

A lot of people misunderstood this part. They tought Jin was taking a shower in JK’s room. No no no! It was Tae informing kookie that he came after Jin notified him via text. AND Jungkook will ignore that and keeps asking Tae “Can we stay on V for a long time?”. 

Plus him glancing at the washroom all the time. I’ve never seen more obvious than that … 

And this last part, was the cherry on the cake (13:42). Just watch it. You will laugh for 5 min at Jungkook trying to stay as calm as possible. Also, Tae “WE are coming”. JK: Are YOU going..”

The door also closes as soon as V leaves (4 SECONDS: the exact time it took V from the washroom to the door). The doubtful. Is that we didn’t hear JK rushing to close it either. That means it was Mr J who did.
If you have good ears around 14:03 you could even hear Jimin’s voice. 

A liar doesn’t make sense and is full of contradictions. Seems to be thinking hard. Is nervous, tense, and fidgety. Makes few complaints or negative comments. JK was hiding Jimin but the question is: Why was he hiding. The non shippers will tell you he was probably not wearing makeup. I say nop, he wasn’t wearing something else … 

So what do I think? 3 words: JIKOOK IS REAL!

Thanks for the ask ^^
By @mimibtsghost 

six of crows au where kuwei doesn’t exist

  • nina and matthias never have that moment where they realize they’re on the same side and therefore can’t trust each other
  • by some miracle they make it out of the ice court alive without nina having any parem
  • wylan never finds the courage to stand beside jesper on the way home because he’s too shy in his own skin
  • without the promise of reward for the scientist inej doesn’t consider her dream of hunting slavers possible, which means she never tells kaz so he has no reason to ask her to stay in ketterdam with him, and inej goes on thinking he doesn’t have deeper feelings for her
  • they go back to the barrel empty handed and their friendships never strengthen and most importantly to kaz—they never make their millions
  • pekka, heleen and van eck are still at large 
  • kaz never gets the help he needs to find inej’s parents
  • there’s really no reason to work with wylan again since raske is better with demolition after all and they’re not working with jan anymore
  • jesper’s life lacks chaos without any big heists and he goes back to gambling regularly
  • and poor matthias
  • he still meets his fate the same way when it’s found out he’s not in hellgate anymore. but the sad difference is it would have all been for nothing….

spoiler: it’s just not realistic.jpg stop acting like the story could exist without him. he’s a crucial character thanks bye

D&D 5e: Shields?!?

image credit: Austin Hsu

Shields exist in D&D 5e. That’s about it. You can bash with em and get +2 AC with em, but that’s all that they do. That’s all the customization that they have. But what about the differences in wood and metal shields? What if I carry a buckler? What about my shield breaking? What if I am a simple weapons guy? Shields were hands-down the best options for soldiers in the middle ages fighting with one-handed weapons so they really should have more mechanics dealing with them. Here are some homebrew rules for shields to let more people use them and make using them more fun!

Some notes I couldn’t fit in any section: Shields went out of style as armor improved. People started using two-handed weapons around the same time full plate armor became widely used. The kite shield was used in a time when leg armor was weak or not worn because it was too heavy and unwieldy. The kite shield’s shape could protect their legs without exposing themselves to attack. Also those shields with holes for lances were largely ceremonial or for jousting tournaments only, not adventuring. Bucklers were the most common for someone who needed to be ready for combat at a moment’s notice, as carrying a shield was really tiring unless you were going specifically to battle. But hey, this is a fantasy RPG so we can do whatever looks badass.

Shields

  • Wooden Shield: +1 AC.
  • Metal Shield: +2 AC. Only creatures proficient with Medium or Heavy Armor can comfortably use a metal shield. Druids are typically forbidden from using a metal shield.
  • Wooden Buckler: No AC bonus. Creatures proficient with Light Armor can wear bucklers. Does not provide an AC bonus against ranged attacks. You can use your reaction to deflect an incoming melee weapon attack that beats your armor class, reducing the damage by 1d4. The buckler has a 50% chance to break when used in such a way.

A metal buckler

  • Metal Buckler: +1 AC. Creatures proficient with Light Armor can wear bucklers. Does not provide an AC bonus against ranged attacks. Druids are typically forbidden from using a metal buckler.
  • Wooden Tower Shield: +1 AC. You must be proficient in Heavy Armor and have a STR score of at least 13 to comfortably wield a tower shield. You can plant the shield on the ground to gain partial cover (+2 AC). When using the shield in this way, you only move at half your regular movement speed. The bonus provided by the shield does not grant cover against spell attacks. You have a -1 penalty to attacks while using your tower shield for cover.
  • Metal Tower Shield: +2 AC. You must be proficient in Heavy Armor and have a STR score of at least 15 to comfortably wield a tower shield. You can plant the shield on the ground to gain partial cover (+2 AC). When using the shield in this way, you only move at half your regular movement speed. The bonus provided by the shield does not grant cover against spell attacks. You have a -1 penalty to attacks while using your tower shield for cover. Druids are typically forbidden from using a metal tower shield.

Special Shields

  • Sticky Shield: When a creature misses you with a melee weapon attack, this sticky shield coated in alchemical slime can catch the weapon. The attacker must succeed on a DC 11 Strength saving throw, or the weapon becomes stuck to your shield. If the weapon’s wielder can’t or won’t let go of the weapon, the wielder is grappled while the weapon is stuck. While stuck, the weapon can’t be used. A creature can pull the weapon free by taking an action to make a DC 11 Strength check and succeeding
  • Spiked Shield: When you succeed at a Shove attempt when wielding a spiked shield, you deal 1d6 piercing damage to the target. Improvised weapon attacks made using the spiked shield deal 1d6 damage instead of 1d4.

A dhal shield (Indian spiked shield)

  • Mirrored Shield: Any metal shield treated with alchemical silver. When a ranged spell attack is rolled against the shield’s wielder and the attack misses, the wielder may use their reaction to reflect the spell back at its caster. To do so, the wielder makes an attack roll against the caster using their DEX modifier at disadvantage. If the new attack beats the caster’s AC, the spell affects the caster instead. 
  • Pavise Shield: A tower shield meant for archers to use as cover. It has either a spike on the bottom to be driven into dirt, or a hinged rod to prop it up. Creatures can prop up the pavise shield as an item interaction, or stow it as a bonus action. Once set up, it provides partial cover (+2 AC) for those standing behind it, and it does not move unless hit with a melee attack. You do not need proficiency in Heavy Armor to set up a pavise shield and use it for cover, but using it as a regular tower shield does have this requirement.
  • Tanglevine Buckler: A wooden buckler intricately grown out of vines by wood elves that can be used to deflect ranged attacks as well as melee attacks in the way described above.
  • Stonemountain Shield: A dwarven stone tower shield that requires a STR score of 18 or higher to wield. It can be used to provide ¾ cover (+5 AC) when planted on the ground. In addition, it is resistant to being sundered (see below). It has one additional point of durability.
  • Iron Shield: A metal shield resistant to sundering (see below). It has one additional point of durability.

Shield Interactions

Sundering: You can sunder an enemy’s shield with repeated bashing. You can attempt to hit a creature’s AC minus the bonus provided by their shield to target their shield directly. Each time you hit their shield, roll for damage. For every 7 damage dealt to it, it loses one point of durability. When the last point of its durability is lost, the shield breaks. This also makes it easier for creatures who deal more damage to sunder shields more easily. A magical shield cannot be sundered except by a magical weapon. Use the table below:

  • Wooden Buckler: 1 durability
  • Metal Buckler: 2 durability
  • Wooden Shield: 2 durability
  • Metal Shield: 3 durability
  • Iron Shield: 4 durability
  • Wooden Tower Shield: 3 durability
  • Metal Tower Shield: 4 durability
  • Stonemountain Shield: 5 durability

Group Tactics: Shields for the Romans and Greeks were all about group formations. Greek hoplon shields were held in the left hand and the hoplites would sometimes use their righthand neighbor’s shield to block attacks (leading the right flank to often win battles). Roman scutum shields were sometimes used in a tortoise formation to protect everyone from incoming arrows. Give shield-carrying characters adjacent to one another +1 AC against attacks if they opt to halve their speed and always move together to simulate this.

Example of a Roman scutum shield and javelin 

Javelins: So another point on Roman scuta: the legionaries would usually throw a few javelins as they made their initial charge. The purpose was not necessarily to kill the enemies (although I am sure that would be perfectly welcome). The intent was to get the cheap-to-make pointed sticks to impale themselves in the enemies’ scuta. Have you ever tried to hold up a 6-foot javelin sticking straight out from your forearm? Me neither but I would imagine it’s unwieldy. You have to either spend time snapping it or ripping it out or just ditch the shield altogether. Javelins in D&D, however, always have felt stupid. It’s just a basic ranged attack for orcs and goblins. Instead, have creatures just carry a few javelins and let them try to disable the PC’s shields! And let them do the same! To do so, make a sundering attempt (see above). If you remove at least 1 point of durability, the javelin sticks and the unlucky creature either has to drop the shield, spend an action making a STR check to break the javelin, or else live with a -10 move speed reduction and no shield bonus.

Namjoon; 

*bites his lower lip as he comes up from behind you, groping your butt*
“You know we don’t have to go out today.” 
*chuckles as he tenderly kisses the nape of your neck*
“I kinda want to stay in now and spoil my little girl.~” 

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

Taehyung; 

*seems to space out as your butt jiggles while you struggle to slip your jeans past your bum*
“God damn it Jagi…” 
*purposely groans while adjusting himself*
“Look at what you do to me, you drive me crazy babygirl.” 

Originally posted by mvssmedia

Jimin; 

*watches you struggle from afar before coming up behind you, pulling your pants up*
“I swear to god I fucking love your ass, princess.” 
*proceeds to give you one hard spank before massaging the area*

Originally posted by 9taefox

Jungkook; 

*carefully watches as you bounce up and down trying to put on your jeans*
“Fuck me up, babe, you’re ass is so perfect.” 
“Come sit on Daddy’s lap princess.” 

Originally posted by theking-or-thekid

Jin; 

*automatically becomes overdramatic, gripping his chest as he falls to floor behind you; pointing at your backside* 
“Gah- Jagi, I have been attacked- I am severely injured. Your butt is just too much.” 

You;*giggles* “Babe, get up.” 

Originally posted by jitonic

Hoseok; 

*watches you wiggle your hips as you pull on your jeans while biting his lower lip*
“Babe, come here please.” 
*motions you to come over to him, his dark eyes watching as you make your way to where he is*
*wraps his arms around your waist before running his hands over your butt*

“My babygirl is just so fucking sexy.. I needed to touch you.”

Originally posted by meganhyunhee

Yoongi; 

*sits there, enjoying the little show you unintentionally put on for him*
“Your bruises are started to fade, Jagi..” 
*moves directly behind you, hooking his fingers in your belt loops- pulling you down onto his lap*
“Maybe we should stay home and make some new ones instead.”

Originally posted by sugaglos

Jackson Heights - Peter Parker

request -  Hey! I was wondering if you could write a fic where the reader is recruited to fight in civil war with Steve and she ends up fighting peter and while fighting they spark up a conversation and become friends? And then soon they become more than friends?

a/n - going back to peter in civil war and trying to bring out his more rookie/dorky side was fun but i went back and forth with a ton of ideas for this fic, i hope it turned out good enough and isn’t trash like me :( but don’t forget to request a fic if you’d like and follow!

The airport terminal was ripped into pieces as the minutes went by. The battle between Stark and Rogers had spread like a disease, influencing the whole team to pick sides and fight until one victor remained. I was among that group, suddenly finding myself fighting against the people whom I held dearest to my heart, supposedly helping Captain in this messy situation.

My back was pressed up against Wanda’s, circling around to defy anyone that came near us. T’Challa had tried his best to come and toy with us, my spine shivering once I heard the claws come out of his suit and pounce towards Wanda and I, only to be stopped by the force of her hands. I watched as his body flew across the premise, landing on pieces of debris.

“(Y/N). Spider-Man coming for you from Eastside.” Carter said over the intercom.

“Spider what?” I furrowed my brows, turning around only to get swooped into the air.

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Romanized Korean in Kpop Fanfics

I get it. Sometimes when you’re writing a Kpop fanfic, you want to make the experience as authentic for the reader as possible. And what better way to do that than to throw the occasional Korean in here and there?

Romanized Korean is great; there are certain colloquial things in Korean that you just can’t translate into English. So yes, all the power to you writers out there using romanized Korean - kudos to you for trying to incorporate another language into your writing in a way that makes your story flow more naturally in a certain cultural setting. But are you doing it correctly?

I can’t tell you how much I cringe when I find a well-written fic and am enjoying it… when the author drops some misused romanized Korean smack in the middle. For those of you scrunching their noses at this post and thinking, “What’s the big deal? It’s just a fic. Just ignore it.” I’d like to point out that yes it is slightly insulting when someone misuses your language, acts like it’s not a big deal, and continues to misuse your language even if they may or may not know that they are misusing it.

So to spread awareness on using proper romanized Korean, I am uploading this post to share several common mistakes that fanfic writers tend to make.

Hope you find this helpful!

[-AH/-YAH]

- “Jongin-yah”x “Hwasa-ah”×
- Can you tell me why these are wrong?
- If these sound right to you, you are probably not using these suffixes correctly.
- RULE: -ah is used with names that end in a consonant sound while -yah is used with names that end in a vowel sound.
- RULE: you should only use -ah/-yah when directly addressing someone.
- “Jungkook-ah, we really need to hang out sometime!“
- “Hani-yah, let’s go study at the library later today.” 
- NEVER use these suffixes in the object form/to refer to someone.
- “Did our Sungmin-ah sleep well last night?”x 
- "I was with Sunny-yah at the club yesterday.“x

[JAGI]

- Personally, I dislike seeing ‘jagi’ in fanfics because it does translate into ‘Honey’ or ‘Sweetheart’ and other similar terms of endearment. But if you must use it for whatever reason, make sure you’re using it correctly!
- “Our jagi-yah looks so cute today!”x
- “Is our jagi-yah sick?”x
- This is such a common mistake.
- As in the previous lesson, ‘jagi’ ends with a vowel sound, therefore the appropriate ending is? Yup. -Yah.
- So why is the above example wrong?
- As in the previous lesson, you should ONLY use -yah after ‘jagi’ when you are directly addressing someone and not commenting on their appearance/condition/etc.
- “Jagi-yah, let’s go eat something yummy today~”
- “I bought a pretty necklace for our jagi.”

[-IE]

- “I went on a date with Suhoie-ah yesterday.”x
- That actually killed me to type.
- RULE: Unlike -ah/-yah, you can use -ie in the object form/to refer to someone and to comment on someone’s appearance/condition/etc.
- RULE: Only use -ie if the name ends with a consonant sound.
- “Have I ever introduced you to Sebomie?”
- “Jiminie performed so well on stage today.”
- “Did you get Youngjaeie’s number?”x
- NEVER use -ie and -ah/-yah together
- “Kim Soohyunie-yah is my kdrama crush!”x
- Just. No.
- NEVER use the suffixes -ah/-yah outside of Kpop fanfics.  -ie is okay.
- For example, when commenting on a music video:
- “Sehunie is so good looking” is perfectly fine.
- “Kihyun-ah sings so well!” is not since you’re commenting on a quality of his and not directly addressing him.

[ANNYEONG/UMMA/ETC.]

- “Annyeong! Jeoneun Irene ibnida!”x
- Lit. Translated: “Hello! I am Irene!”
- Bottom line is, if you can translate directly into English, I implore you to stay away from romanized Korean.
- You might as well just type your whole story in Korean if you’re going to use romanized Korean so heavily.
- “Umma, how have you been?“x
- Lit. Translated: “Mom, how have you been?”
- PLEASE DON’T USE SARANGHAEYO IN YOUR FIC OR I WILL FIND YOU AND-
- ahem
- Sorry.  It needed to be said.
- Honestly speaking, using romanized Korean in your fics isn’t completely necessary.  If your story setting is in Korea and the majority of your characters are Korean, then it’s assumed that they are speaking Korean even though you’re writing in English.  You don’t see professional Dramafever subtitles using -ah/-yah or oppa in their subs do you?


Anywaaaaaays happy fanfic writing and I hope this wasn’t too confusing :)

Note: I am Korean

csongkijung  asked:

hi- I was wondering if u had any process gifs of your background art? like how do you go about adding the textures? is it at the final stage that you do it? I'm also interested in working as a bg artist after I graduate and you're a really big source of inspiration!

hello! i dont have any process gifs but i put together a little tut for you, i feel like im overdue for a proper one :8) i want to make a more in depth tutorial on background painting (maybe a video?!!?!) but for right now i’ll just address your questions on texture if that’s okay!

here is an ultra basic bg we’re gonna spruce up. keep in mind i’m not going to talk about lighting and composition really so, try to put that out of your mind for now. anyway, there is no texture or edge difference in this yet. everything is smooth and samey (but there is a little bit of atmospheric perspective in the color). the most important thing at this stage is that every unique shape or plane is on its own layer. this is because all texture and lighting will be clipped to the corresponding layer.

sorry this is kind of ugly but this is how i arrange my layers LOL. everything is arranged on planes. i think of it like cut paper stacked on top of each other.

make a clipping mask for the texture you’ll put on each shape. i talk a bit about clipping masks and how to use them here. normally i’d have a clipping mask for texture, shadow, and light, so it can get a little crazy when you have a lot of layers but it’s invaluable for experimenting and getting things just right.

ALRIGHT SO LETS TALK ABOUT ACTUAL TEXTURE. i think about texture as having two functions: 1. to draw the viewer’s eye to where you want it to be, and 2. to describe the material/feel of objects. for our very first texture, we’re going to put some snow on the front tree. im using a variety of brushes, please check my FAQ for a full list. since i want the viewer to focus mostly on the front tree, i’m going to put the most texture on it. to answer your question about when i add texture, i usually just kind of follow my intuition and use it when i feel it’s needed. i will almost definitely go back and add/take away throughout the process of the image. a lot of things change and it’s cool to change your mind throughout. i don’t really follow solid “steps” for every piece, they’re always different for me!

now i am just continuing to add texture here and there. the middle ground trees get a bit of snow, but it’s subdued enough to not be the focal point. as well, i added some texture to the snow because i wanted the front plane to be the one you look at the most. everything behind the middle ground trees is wholly untouched. now we have a nice contrast between smooth/textured going on! and contrast/opposites is the key to guiding a viewer’s eye.

after all that i decided at last minute that the front plane could use some texture to differentiate it. but looking at it now, i’d probably go back and rethink it. that’s life.

finally! i added some color corrections and some gradients to push back the mountains and trees. i also added some falling snow and an overall paper texture to simulate a snowy feel without having to paint it all. the paper texture is behind the front plane, again to push everything behind it back. i would be very careful about putting a texture over everything, it can really flatten everything or make it look fake/gimmicky. clip it to shapes or erase where necessary.

lastly, a short word about more contrast. here, i am trying to push the contrast between soft and sharp. the only difference between this image and the last step is that i blurred and sharpened some planes. there are multiple ways to think about this, but for me, the photographic approach is easiest to understand and it’s just how i like my art to look. basically, i try to always make my focal point sharp and in focus, and blur other elements.

this felt a bit all over the place….sorry!! but, i hope it helped. i would like to do more in-depth tutorials in the future so please hang with me til then. thanks for the ask!!

anonymous asked:

Hi, 7goodangel. I am here to ask you about PaperJam as a shy, smol and innocent being (mainly thegreatrouge made him be). There has been some conflicts regarding his trait. Some said his canonical personality is a jerk, like what you wrote in his bio / info and some said that is severely wrong and being shy, (which made him shipped with Fresh), is his canonical personality. What are your thoughts about this? I mean, it is your character and people are taking control of it. Don't you disagree?

Well… I have talked to people and seen public conversations and this has happened several times to me over months. I guess I’ve gotten a little numb to it now… or maybe it’s due to school that I haven’t given it the attention that it deserves. Probably due to school. 

I just can’t update constantly like others - even though some others in school were and are able to update constantly. I can’t keep going around and holding up my bio of PJ and police people. It’s exhausting to me… it really takes up the small bit of free time I have. 

I think after I get a solid job that I’ll be able to go around better… but anyway - back to your question. 


While I love seeing interpretations and do not want people to be limited by something and have their imaginations go forth… it’s proving that a huge con comes with that mentality - which you have pointed out. A lot of people swear that PJ is the cute, innocent interpretation that really, did get PJ popular in the first place. While I did have him as a jerk from the beginning - I kinda kept that info to my RP blog - so you could say it is my fault this is all happening and I do think that. I could of done something to make it not as bad as it is now… 

It’s just like the NSFW stuff… people just assume the first thing and run with it. And it really does make me feel like I really am not needed for my own character at points. 

It’s a struggle - I don’t want to have people stop interpreting PJ within AUs… but I also don’t want people to just see him as an innocent child to ship with Fresh. 

And I’m still trying to find the best solution to it. 

But… I feel like the damage is already done. It’s too late for me to talk to all of these people going around swearing on their life that PJ is canoncally like Rouge’s interpretation/AUs. It feels like an hopeless battle to me. 

And I guess I needed someone to ask me this question so then I can fully say my thoughts on this. 

So in short, while I love creativity and don’t want to snuff it out (considering some people would probably think I’m doing that already with saying “No Sin”), I still don’t like it. It irritates me, irks me, frustrates me, and I feel like even as the person who thought of PJ in the first place, my voice isn’t enough. Communities seem like they don’t care about artists unless they reach a ‘certain goal of popularity’ or seem like they have a more professional style of art. I know I do not reach either of those titles. 

People misspell my username all the time - I actually claimed ‘7goodangle’ on tumblr for that reason.

People still say “I’m too lazy to find who made PJ” when they clearly mentioned they looked at the bio on the wiki. 

People still go around arguing others on the canon ship of OmniPJ and swearing that FreshPaper is the true canon ship, when all people are pointing out is that they need to keep the canon ship in mind when going around with information.

Even just basic personality traits… and these things are happening on sites that I do not nor want an account for. 

I still want others to have fun - to be happy; but I don’t know… I guess I’m cutting out my own happiness to get everyone else happy? I want to eventually write a version of PJ within his own universe and story… and he is more like the version I created within the UT verse. Not exact - but close. Though who knows… I might shove PJ to the side and replace his role with another character. I’m still weighing options.

Cause PJ was the first character I ever put this much time and thought into… my first character that was balanced, well rounded…

And what happens?

…well.

You said it Anon. 

They took it - changed it (initially as an AU but now people think it’s canon) - and I can’t do much about it. Due to school and not much free-time… due to how many don’t know the true creator… and just back talking anyone who is just mentioning it to people who swear by it. 

As an artist and a character designer…

It makes me not want to show designs, characters, and stories ever again online.

Considering if this is how I was treated on the first one… why even take a chance at a second one? If it has brought me so much stress, frustration, and time… why even try it again?

I said I was only going to do fanart so if anyone stole it, it didn’t really matter. 
I think I should have stuck with that thought process. 

In conclusion, there are some major things to take away here. First – that yes, I do not like how it has skewed this far to the point of arguing over a fandom version with the canon. Canon is canon and I get the different AUs – this is too far. Way too far. I am emotionally drained from this – from this whole mess that I have been defending throughout majority of PJ’s lifespan. I will state this – Paper Jam is my character. He is my original character that I created more than a year ago. And the UT AU fandom took my character and warped him to something he is not and all of his original meaning is lost. I do not like to hurt others or make other sad – but I must put my foot fully down. This miscommunication needs to stop. I am tired of repeating things over and over and I have past my breaking point time and time again. I just want people to see PJ how he really is… and I wish that people could be focusing more on the reality of him instead of the alternate that they all claim as truth.

Final words: I still like Undertale – I still like creating characters and having fun – but the Undertale AU fandom is ridiculous now. The Amino UT community is insanity in an app, and there is a lot of stuff that has made many artists and creators to their breaking point and leaving the fandom entirely. Everyone in this fandom needs to take ten steps back and look at what they are doing. Go back to the game. Play it again – watch your favorite let’s player’s videos of it again. 

And just… food for thought… please don’t jump the gun on someone else’s OC’s personality and actions. 

I do not want anyone to experience what I had.

Angsty Bojack Horseman Sentence Starters
  • “The most important thing is, you got to give the people what they want, even if it kills you.”
  • “You know, sometimes I feel like I was born with a leak, and any goodness I started with just slowly spilled out of me.”

  • “Life is a series of closing doors, isn’t it?”

  • “Am I a good person?”

  • “That’s the problem with life, either you know what you want and you don’t get what you want, or you get what you want and then you don’t know what you want.“ 

  • “There’s nothing for you behind you. All that exists is what’s ahead." 

  • "Family is a sinkhole, and you were right to get out when you had the chance." 

  • “I don’t understand how people… live. It’s amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say: ‘Yeah, another day, let’s do it.’ How do people do it? I don’t know how.” 

  • “You didn’t know me and then you fell in love with me. And now you know me.” 

  • “Closure is a made up thing by Steven Spielberg to sell movie tickets”.

  • “We’re just two lonely people trying to hate ourselves a little less.” 

  • “I don’t think I believe in ‘deep down’. I think that all you are is just the things that you do.”

  • “You were born broken, that’s your birthright.”

  • “You know what your problem is? You want to think of yourself as the good guy.”

  • “you’re a selfish goddamn coward who just takes whatever he wants and doesn’t give a shit about who he hurts. That’s you.”

  • “You know, it’s funny… when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”

  • “I’m sorry, alright? I screwed up, I- I know I screwed up.”

  • “You can’t keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay! You need to be better!”

  • “You are all the things that are wrong with you.”

  • “Fuck, man. What else is there to say?”

  • “We’re not doomed. In the great, grand scheme of things, we’re just tiny specks that will one day be forgotten.”

  • “The only thing that matters is right now, this moment, this one spectacular moment we are sharing together.”

  • “I don’t understand how people… live. It’s amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say: ‘Yeah, another day, let’s do it.’ How do people do it? I don’t know how.”

  • “He’s so stupid he doesn’t realize how miserable he should be. I envy that.”

  • “It’s not about being happy, that is the thing. I’m just trying to get through each day.”

  • “I can’t keep asking myself ‘Am I happy?’ It just makes me more miserable.”

  • “It takes a long time to realize how truly miserable you are and even longer to see it doesn’t have to be that way.”

  • “When you do bad things, you have something you can point to when people eventually leave you. It’s not you, you tell yourself. It’s that bad thing you did.”

  • “It’s so cruel to let people love you. All you’re doing is promising you’ll one day break their hearts.”

  • “One day, you’re gonna look around and you’re going to realize that everybody loves you, but nobody likes you. And that is the loneliest feeling in the world.”

  • “There are some people you can’t save. Cause those people will thrash and struggle, and try to take you down with them.”
  • “ Hey, I wanted to talk to you about… you know. I feel bad about what happened.”
  • “I don’t forgive you.”
  • “No. I’m not gonna give you closure. You don’t get that. You have to live with the shitty thing you did for the rest of your life. You have to know that it’s never, ever going to be okay!”
  • “You have to believe me. I did everything I could.”
  • “I had a good life, but what I needed then was a friend! And you abandoned me. And I will never forgive you for that.”
  • “Now get the fuck out of my house!”
  • “ Look, I’m sorry about all the stuff I said about you earlier.”
  • “Do you… do you think it’s too late for me? I mean, am, am, am I just doomed to be the person that I am? “
  • “I, I, I need you to tell me that I’m a good person.”
  • “I just wanted to tell you that I know. I know you want to be happy, but you won’t be… and I’m sorry.”
  • “ What more do you want? What else could the universe possibly owe you? “
  • “I want to feel good about myself. The way you do. And I don’t know how. I don’t know if I can.”
  • “If you ever try to contact me or my family again, I will fucking kill you.”
  • “ You can’t just disappear. You really hurt a lot of people.”
  • “In this terrifying world, all we have are the connections that we make.”
  • “It’s so sad that when you see someone as they really are, it ruins them.”
  • “You like being there to rescue me. Because it makes you feel good about yourself.”
  • “ You know that I don’t do the whole love thing. Either you end up hurting someone or they hurt you. So what’s the point?”
  • “ Uh…. Oh, god, I’m drowning. I feel like I’m drowning.”
  • “Hey, we have all done shitty stuff before. Most of us aren’t as proud of it as you seem to be.”
  • “It doesn’t get better and it doesn’t get easier.”
  • “I can’t keep lying to myself thinking I’m gonna change, I’m poison.”
  • “I come from poison and I have poison inside me and I destroy everything I touch. That’s my legacy.”
  • “I have nothing to show for the life I have lived. And I have nobody in my life who’s better off for having known me.”
  • “You’re gonna wanna kill yourself, and there’s going to be no one left to stop you.” 
Sassy McGonagall

Like Harry, Minerva McGonagall seems to have hit her stride in Order of the Phoenix.

CS:

“Why didn’t you send us a letter by owl? I believe you have an owl?” Professor McGonagall said coldly to Harry. 

Harry gaped at her. Now she said it, that seemed the obvious thing to have done. 

“I – I didn’t think –” 

“That,” said Professor McGonagall, “is obvious.”

CS:

“Really, Severus,” said Professor McGonagall sharply. “I see no reason to stop the boy playing Quidditch. This cat wasn’t hit over the head with a broomstick.”

PA:

“You look in excellent health to me, Potter, so you will excuse me if I don’t let you off homework today. I assure you that if you do die, you need not hand it in.”

PA:

Professor McGonagall poked a large spoon into the nearest tureen. “Tripe, Sybil?”

PA:

“But one does not parade the fact that one is All-Knowing. I frequently act as though I am not possessed of the Inner Eye, so as not to make others nervous.”

“That explains a great deal,” said Professor McGonagall tartly.

OP:

“Didn’t you listen to Dolores Umbridge’s speech at the start of term feast, Potter?”

“Yeah,” said Harry.

“Yeah… she said… progress will be prohibited or… well, it meant that… that the Ministry of Magic is trying to interfere at Hogwarts.”

“Well, I’m glad you listen to Hermione Granger at any rate,” she said, pointing him out of her office.

OP:

“I was just wondering, Professor, whether you received my note telling you of the date and time of your inspec–”

“Obviously I received it, or I would have asked you what you are going in my classroom,” said Professor McGonagall.

OP:

“I wonder,” said Professor McGonagall in cold fury, turning on Professor Umbridge, “how you expect to gain an idea of my usual teaching methods if you continue to interrupt me? You see, I do not generally permit people to talk when I am talking.”

OP:

“Very well,” [Umbridge] said, “you will receive the results of your inspection in ten days’ time.”

“I can hardly wait,” said Professor McGonagall, in a coldly indifferent voice,

OP:

“I should have made my meaning plainer,” said Professor McGonagall, turning at last to look Umbridge directly in the eyes. “He has achieved high marks in all Defence Against the Dark Arts tests set by a competent teacher.”

OP:

“Well, usually when a person shakes their head,” said McGonagall coldly, “they mean “‘no’”. So unless Miss Edgecombe is using a form of sign-language as yet unknown to humans –”

OP:

“Dear, dear,” said Professor McGonagall sardonically, as one of the dragons soared around her classroom, emitting loud bangs and exhaling flame. “Miss Brown, would you mind running along to the Headmistress and informing her that we have an escape firework in our classroom?”

HBP:

"Take Charms,” said Professor McGonagall, “and I shall drop Augusta a line reminding her that just because she failed her Charms O.W.L., the subject is not necessarily worthless.”

DH:

“Our headmaster is taking a short break,“ said Professor McGonagall, pointing at the Snape-shaped hole in the window.

Testosterone Boys

Reader x F*ckboi!Yoongi ft. Taehyung
Synopsis: 
A little end of the year party tradition gets taken too far.
Genre: Smutty, Angst
Word Count: 7.1k
Part 1 of 2


Originally posted by dreamyoongi


“No! It’s not happening.”  

“C'mon. It’s harmless. Seriously, it’d be like a chill thing.”

“No, Yoongi. There’s no way I’m doing that.”

“Why not? There’s seriously no ill feelings behind it, I only need them for a little bit and then you’ll get it back.”

“Why can’t you take no for an answer, Loser. I’m not giving you my underwear. Bye.”  

Yoongi sighed as he followed you outside of the house party to the backyard. The music pounded through the walls from inside, blaring fast beats and obscene profanities, echoing past numerous houses down the street. The cold air hit your cheeks that were tinted red from the alcohol and the heat of the copious amounts of bodies ‘bumping and grinding’ on one another.  

Even outside, the yard was filled with scattered groups and couples. Each of them drinking from those infamous red, plastic cups, taking hits off of each others blunts, or connected to their partners lips. Pushing past them was no easy task, consistently bumping into intoxicated bodies as you made your way to the empty swinging loveseat.

You ran your hand through your hair as you sat, attempting to catch a breath. The party was suffocating. It seemed as though people flooded every room, corner, crevice and pocket the household had. The bathroom; occupied by two girls from your Literature class going down on the All-Star Quarterback whose only response to the disturbance was “Do you wanna join?”

The bedrooms were either locked and if they weren’t you wouldn’t dare go into them anyways. Oh no, you’d learned your lesson the first time you’d ever gone to a house party of this size. Turns out, High Schoolers were a lot kinkier than you could ever have thought.  

Any other room was full of people trying too hard to impress their peers when in the end it didn’t even matter. You never saw the point in these fiascos. High School lasts 4 years and then it’s over with and you don’t ever see these people again. They weren’t important to you in the long run.

So, why were you here in the first place? Well you could thank your 'best friend’ for that. Park Jimin. After well, years, of begging for you to try another party saying, “It won’t be like the first one, I promise. I won’t leave your side and we’ll have fun, just the two of us, okay?” He finally got you to agree to try it once more making him swear he really wouldn’t leave you alone at any point during the party. But, here he was; weak as a kitten as soon as his ex walked in, begging for some alone time to 'talk’.

Keep reading

(This started as a response to this post of @rcmclachlan‘s but immediately took on a life of its own and got so long that I think it would be rude/derailing as a response, so here it is as its own post, sorry about whatever this is.)

I’ve just decided that Yuuri Katsuki is the Hugh Dancy of photoshoots, in that every photographer meets him, goes slightly cross-eyed, panics, and starts throwing questionable props at him and putting him in ridiculous situations.

Yuuri Katsuki as Hugh Dancy drinking a mojito on a ladder in a pool for no reason.

Yuuri Katsuki as Hugh Dancy Not Knowing How Chairs Work

Yuuri Katsuki as Hugh Dancy In Eyeliner And A Collar


Yuuri thinks this is just how photoshoots work, don’t they?  It’s how his have always worked, anyway, he sort of assumes his photos always seem so weird because it’s just some flaw in him, that he’s so unattractive photographers have to distract from his terrible face and katsudon body with weird settings and poses and props. 

At some point Phichit tries to sit him down for a conversation about how he has to stop doing That Look at his photographers because it incapacitates them and that’s what leads to things like that photoshoot where he’s balancing a pumpkin on his head while a chicken stares at him.  And Yuuri is just all; what look, I am trying not to make eye contact at all, it’s the only way I can survive having so many people looking at me, why are there so many makeup people.  And Phichit has to explain that it comes off as gazing coyly up through your eyelashes, Yuuri, you were practically batting them at the poor man and Yuuri just wails I COULDN’T SEE HIM, YOU TOOK MY GLASSES AWAY, I WAS SQUINTING.  

Phichit just: that poor man, he thinks you’re practically engaged, please wear your contacts and stop accidentally making people fall in love with you, I am running out of space on my wall for photos of you not knowing how different kinds of furniture work.


What I’m saying is that when Yuuri eventually stammers out to Phichit that he’s thinking of having some, you know, *lowered voices*, boudoir photos taken for Viktor’s birthday, Phichit’s response is twofold.  

First: get him, Tiger.  Second: hire a lesbian who will not give two fucks about your Eros but actually understands photography. It’s the only way they will turn out actually-sexy and not you naked-but-strategically-draped-in-goldfish, standing en pointe in a Home Depot, for some reason, waving a box of crackers.

Phichit assumes his advice was followed when Viktor’s one and only social media post on his birthday is I AM DEAD. I AM DEAD AND MY PERFECT AND PRECIOUS HUSBAND HAS KILLED ME, RIP ME, MY SOUL HAS LEFT MY BODY, I AM ASCENDING TO A HIGHER PLANE NOW.

Then again, who knows.  That’s also the sort of thing Viktor posts on any random Tuesday if he caught a glimpse of Yuuri’s ankle during dinner or something.

Phichit sends Yuuri a thumbs-up emoji anyway, because he’s an idiot and needs all the encouragement he can get.

Levi Ackerman: The Abuse Claim

Alright, so here I am with another long ass meta post. Only this time, this one is directed solely at the legend, Levi Ackerman himself. Yet again, I am seeing the “Levi is Abusive” mumbo jumbo and I have spent my two years in this fandom quiet about my opinions on this for the most part because I do not enjoy drama. However, after this last batch of Discourse™ that I have seen, I have been pushed beyond my ability to bite my tongue. 

This is Part One to a two part meta, and this is me basically trying to shine light on Levi’s actions a bit and why he behaves the way he does. In no way do I try to justify all of the shit he carries out so don’t think this is just a fangirl squeal post. I’m simply trying to better explain his character for the people who seem to think he is some kind of rage beast who beats kids for fun in his spare time. 

I will be putting this under a Read More because it is extremely long and also contains spoilers. I’d also like to state that this would be best read from a computer or the mobile website as it contains a metric fuckton of manga panels used for reference (seriously use any other means outside of the mobile app to read this because the app will butcher this post and cut out a majority of the images). If you are sitting down to read this, please make sure you are comfy, cozy, and drinking a nice warm beverage. Now then, 

DISCLAIMER: This is my personal opinion. In no way am I stating what I say here is completely accurate. if you disagree with my opinion, good for you! That’s your prerogative. However, If you are going to send me messages trying to argue points of view with me or send me hate messages because my opinion differs from your own; do us both a favor and just don’t even bother. WARNING: Major spoilers ahead.

First and foremost, this is the scene I see brought up the absolute most so I’d like to go ahead and address it first:

Keep reading

Hers

And there he stands in all his glory, laughing at something Chris Nolan said to him, a glass of whisky in his hand and his arm around her waist. And all I could do was stand here, from afar, watching them.

“He’ll notice if you keep staring, darling.” Anne handed me a glass of champagne.

“I-I-I was not staring. Just looking how wonderful they are together.” I could feel my face turn red by the second.

“Oh, darling, don’t try to fool yourself, I know you have feelings for him.” She smiled lightly at me. “Actually, I always thought you’re going to be together.”

My smile faltered and I looked at the floor. Silly Y/N, of course Anne knew. Apparently, everybody did! The boys, Gemma, Lou and now Anne. Clearly, I am not very good in hiding my feelings for my best friend. The guy who knows me better than anyone and yet can’t realize how much I adore him.

Harry and I have been friends since we were kids, really. Eventually we went separate ways: He went out to become the biggest celebrity out there and I went to college. Even though we lived in different worlds, we never stopped talking. We’re still best friends even after all this time.

I love him.

But it wasn’t always like this. When we’re younger, our parents used to tell us we would eventually get married. We’re too perfect for each other, that’s something we always knew, even though we didn’t have this types of feeling for each other.

It was in my senior year of college that this said feelings started to show. I spent a few weeks with him and the boys while they’re on tour and suddenly I started to fall for my best friend. If you have seen any movie out there, you would think that the feeling was mutual and we’re happily ever after. Not how things turned out, I’m afraid to tell you. I spent 6 weeks trying to find a way to tell him my feelings, even asked for the boys’ help, but when I was close to figure a way out, he met her. And gosh, how much he adored her. Since the beginning!

You know that stupid line that said when you love someone, you gotta let them go and find their happiness? His happiness was she and I couldn’t stand in the way of that. Even though I knew I loved him more than she could ever love him, it was time for me to set him free.

So I came back. Came to the UK, finished college and found a job I actually like. My life is all put together, as Harry likes to remind me. He’s right, my life is put together, except for my love life. I tried so hard to get over him, to not have feelings for him. I dated, I tried everything I could, but he was always there, in the back of my mind, even when I met my ex-boyfriend, Daniel. We broke up a few months later because he knew I had feelings for my best friend. Poor Dan, such a nice guy and I couldn’t love him.

Harry came back home. And moved in with her, much to my dismay. They’re together for 3 years now and they don’t seem to be breaking up anytime soon. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve thought about telling him, just to get it out of my chest, but I can’t. I cannot ruin this for him. I would rather suffer in silence than ruin his happiness and our friendship.

“Have you thought about telling him?” She asked me while we watched the couple from afar.

“I did.” I whispered. “I just can’t. He’s happy, Anne. He deserves to be happy.”

“My son is a fool, darling. He doesn’t know, but he does have feelings for you. A mother always know and I’m telling you he does. But I understand your side, I just don’t wanna see you both losing time with other people when you could be together!”

I breathed a laugh. Anne was always our biggest supporter, so it’s not a shock to me she would rather me with her son than his actual girlfriend. The poor girl is not a bad girl; she’s just not right for him.

She doesn’t get it how he can be such a morning person, always waking up at a 100%, telling everyone ‘good morning’ in his raspy voice. She thinks its annoying, but the truth is if he doesn’t do this, we’ll go back to sleep and miss his whole day. She doesn’t get his obsession for good health, but if she just asked him about it, she would understand he actually believes that those junk foods can kill you slowly, and he can’t lose anyone in his life, so we all have to eat health food. At least around him. She doesn’t understand how he can feel so down after reading mean comments on the internet, because for her how could The Harry Styles feel anything less than perfect?! He thinks he’s not worth it, even though he truly does deserve everything good that ever happened to him. However, he has insecurities, because by the end of the day, he is just Harry. And all he really wants is cuddles and a few reassurance words that those people are just mean people and are not telling the truth.

She doesn’t know him and a part of me thinks she just doesn’t want to. Yes, she knows what he likes for breakfast, what calms him when his in a bad mood, but she doesn’t know the little things I do.

It’s sad, if you think about it. He’s been with her for 3 years and she doesn’t get him. Maybe that’s why when he needs someone, he runs to me. He runs to my house at 3 A.M just so he could talk about his bad day. She never saw him cry, because he only cries when we’re alone and he can truly show his feelings. I’m the first person he calls when something good or bad happens. I’m his emergence contact in the hospital, I’m his safe place to go when he needs to just take a break. I’m the one who could leave her whole life on hold, just to take care of him when needed.

It’s sad because even thought I am his person, I’m not his and he’s not mine. She has him and I can’t truly express how much I wish that could be me.

“He looks nervous.” I pointed out to Anne.

“I was about to ask you this… Do you know why? He’s been like this for a few weeks now.” She looked deep in thought, trying to find a reason for her son odd behavior.

“I think…” I was interrupted by Louis, who looked out of breath.

“You need to stop him, he will make a terrible mistake, please Y/N, stop him!”

“Louis, what’s going on? What are you talking about? Breathe, Lou.”

“You don’t get it, he’ll…”

“Can I have everyone’s attention, please?” Harry called out from the center of the room. The party quickly died down, waiting for his speech. “I would like to thank you all for coming to my Dunkirk party. It’s so nice to enjoy the movie’s success with all of you, so thank you!”

Everyone around the room clapped and Louis was fussing by side. He looks nervous and I couldn’t understand why.

“As you know this is a special night for me and I wanted to be even more special. Lexa, can you come here, darling?” He asked his girlfriend to join him and I could already feel the tension growing around me. Anne, Louis, Niall, Liam, Lou and Gemma surrounded me and we all were just waiting for something to happen. Anything.

“Lexa, we’ve been together for 3 years next week and I feel so blessed to have you by side. I was smitten with you since the moment I saw you, you can ask Y/N for confirmation.” Everybody laughed a little and I could feel a knot in my through already. “So, in this special date for me and surrounded by friends and family, I would like to ask you…” he got down on one knee. “Will you marry me?”

And just like that my world stopped. I couldn’t hear anything, but I could see her nod and everyone clap for them. I think the boys were talking to me, but I could barely understand what was happening.

He proposed to her.

He is hers.

She is his.

And just like that I realized that all these years loving him, taking care of him, weren’t enough to make him fall for me. I was a silly girl who believed in the fairy tale that everyone thought we would live. I loved him with everything in me, I was always his but he was never mine.

And just like that I ran out of the party, leaving everyone – including the love of my life – behind.

I was always his.

He was never mine.

He was always hers.

*** 

Part 2

It’s been a while, I know, but I hope you’ve liked this. Please, leave me your thoughts about this oneshot, talk to me pleeease. Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language!

All the love, B. 

MASTERLIST