i am just trying to live my life

anonymous asked:

The last few weeks have been pretty rough for me emotionally (I mentioned that I was having trouble sleeping, and my mom flat out told me I have no reason to feel stressed out since I'm no longer in school, despite my living with her and her judgmental comments about almost everything and her blowing off my attempt to come out as asexual to her with a "You just haven't met the right person yet."), but I'm trying to fight it. I really am. In times like these, all I can really do is try to get by

When life gets hard, don’t forget to indulge yourself in small pleasures; an aromatherapy bath, a new mobile game, visiting a dog park, naps, and good food. We all deserve to be happy and safe.

- Fae

The Signs As Dan And Phil Quotes

Aries:  “I’m holding you back from achieving things in your life by forcing you to sit here and watch this.” /Dan

Taurus:  “I wish I was cool enough to say ‘sup’, but I- I’m not” /Phil

Gemini:  “If I had a house, I’d make all of the windows glass.” /Phil

Cancer:  “Let’s get the hecky heck out of here” /Dan

Leo:  “Fight me, you ceramic bitch.” /Dan

Virgo:  “Don’t trust chinchillas with technology.” /Phil

Libra:  “I’m about as intimidating as a butterfly.” /Dan

Scorpio:   “I’m the living embodiment of ‘it could be worse’.” /Dan

Sagittarius:  “I am just a humble trash can trying to roll my way through life” /Dan

Capricorn: “Google is obviously right all of the time and is our overlord.” /Phil

Aquarius:  “Holy mother of rectangles.” /Dan

Pisces:  ” I feel like a flamingo” /Phil

A little PSA

IT’S MOTHER-FREAKING LATINO NOT LATINX.
THAT IS NOT A THING.
YOU ARE NOT MAKING THE WORD GENDER NEUTRAL YOU’RE JUST MAKING YOURSELF SEEM STUPID AND VERY IGNORANT.
LATINO IS ALREADY GENDER NEUTRAL YOU TWATS.

THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS. IVE BEEN TRYING TO IGNORE IT BUT IT’S FREAKING EVERYWHERE AND AS SOMEONE WHO’S LIVED AROUND HISPANIC PEOPLE MOST MY LIFE, IT REALLY IRKS ME.
STOP TRYING TO CHANGE SUCH A CULTURALLY RICH LANGUAGE LIKE MOTHER-FREAKING SPANISH WITH THIS GENDER NEUTRAL SHIT.

CHRIST I am done I hate you guys
Leave Spanish alone you twats.

I am pushing myself every day, to be a better person, to learn, to be someone worth something some day. Trying to do it all, but the truth is, it doesn’t matter. None of it does. Nothing I do ever will, it never has. At the end of the day, I’m just a small girl with dreams that are way out of her league - stuck between living in the moment and planning the next 10 years of my life, between being okay with not having life figured out and crying myself to sleep because i have no idea what to do. Trying so hard and still not being good enough, having people who expect great things but tell me I’m worth nothing.

On good days, I’m okay with everything I’ve achieved. I’m okay with who I am and who I have become. I’m okay with not having my life figured out at 19. There’s gotta be more to life than being right and making sound decisions, there’s gotta be more than just following a plan.

But on the bad, all i can think about is turning 20 in two short days, and being nowhere close to achieving what I’ve always wanted. Nowhere close to being someone who’s on a path to greatness, no one who deserves a damn thing in the world. On the bad nights, I can’t figure out if my existence has even a tiny bit of importance. So what if i do my hardest every day? The bad days make me question everything I do, have ever done. Make me question every decision I’ve made, I keep thinking that if I just vanished, nothing would change. On the bad days, every mistake, every little error is a demon of its own, telling me I won’t ever be enough. And with each bad day, a good one seems to get further and further away.

I’m stuck and i don’t quite know how to rescue myself.
No one can say things worse than what I tell myself every second of the day.
So what do you do, when you are your own nightmare come to life?

—  And to think I couldn’t wait to grow up
I’m beginning to really despise my patient’s family members

Dear son of my patient,

Congratulations. I know that you’ve been at your mother’s bedside at Bumfuck Community Hospital for the past week prior to her transfer here to our humble hospital. It’s a real help having you at bedside because you’re so goddamn knowledgeable about everything.

Really, thank you for fixing my IV pumps when I’ve specifically asked you not to. 

No no, thank YOU for letting know constantly about your mothers normal AF vital signs.

 I mean, here I am just a lowly, slightly experienced, ICU nurse at a one of the top hospitals in the state and metropolitan area taking orders from silly doctors who only have been in school since pre-K and have graduated from worthless institutions like University of Chicago, Brown, WashU, and Yale.

Sorry I wasn’t able to fetch your mother’s hot tea as soon as she asked for it, I was busy trying to keep my other patient’s life support going so that she may actually live the next 24 hours and get a liver transplant. Gosh was she needy.

And sorry I made your mother turn with the assistance of another nurse so that I could get her cleaned up after she shit all over herself and her hundred skin folds. I really should have just let her sat in it, right?


Where in the hell do you people get off? Seriously?!? I get concern for your family members. I appreciate questions or concerns that you have and am more than willing to address them as they come up. But please, PLEASE do not treat me like I’m some stupid fuck who fell off the turnip truck. I’m at the very least halfway decent at what I do, and on the unit where I work, that’s 5 steps above almost everyone else in the world. We nurses are not stupid. Sorry I don’t know every test, med, and procedure performed on your loved one at an outside hospital 15 years ago. I’m looking out for what’s going on in the here and now. That’s my priority. I don’t tell you how to do your job, whatever that may be, so I’d greatly appreciate it if you’d kindly not tell me how to do mine.

God I cannot wait to go back onto night shift. Intubated/sedated patients with no family need apply. 

do you ever enter periods of very dark thoughts and think.. . like. what the fuck is the point?? what is the point of school or working a crap job or like any of this shit if we’re just gonna die in 70 years??? like what were we put on this earth to do. what is my purpose why am I here. why why why I’m so fucking tired of LIFE you know? It’s like there a hidden secret and everyone else knows it and I’m just wandering through life aimlessly trying to please everyone and failing bc I’m the only one who isn’t in on it. I’m so bored of living like what the fuck. I feel like my life has been a very long trip and I just want to go home

HOW TO STICK TO YOUR GOALS WHEN YOU’VE LOST MOTIVATION

It’s August already! Time flies, doesn’t it? It feels as though last week we were just reflecting on our past year and planning for the year ahead. Most of us start every new year with a set of goals we are determined to achieve. There may be changes we want to make in our lives, bad habits we want to get rid of , places we want to travel to, activities we want to try, or things we’d like to tick off our bucketlist. 

I am just like you. Sometimes I become side-tracked. I let my lazy mind overtake my willpower. I let my mood get in the way of what I ultimately want to achieve. I procrastinate, put things off, and feel even worse later when I try to get things done in such a short period of time. Sometimes life gets in the way and disrupts my good habits. The next thing I know I’ve fallen back into this hole of laziness, procrastination, and not doing what I know I should be doing. Then I wait for the new year or my birthday to come around in order to get excited about my New Year’s Resolutions as if the date is going to make any difference. If you feel like you can relate to this and are starting to feel unmotivated, even though it’s only February, read on!

Here are 6 tips on how you can remain inspired and motivated.

1. Get used to forcing yourself to do things.

This sounds tough, doesn’t it? Our mind has muscles. It memorizes patterns. By doing this over and over, you’re building your willpower and self-discipline. Forcing yourself to do things that you don’t feel like doing (but you know you should be doing) is a habit you can learn. 

Every time I don’t feel like doing something like going to the gym or abstaining from eating chocolate, I tell myself that if I keep doing it for several weeks, one day it will become a habit. At that point, doing it will become second to nature. The next thing you know, you won’t even feel like breaking your good habits anymore. 

Let me put this another way: Inside your head, there is Mr. Better Man and Mr. La La Land.

Mr. La La Land will always try to persuade you not to do things that Mr. Better Man knows you should do - like exercising, eating healthy, or being productive with work. These two guys don’t like each other, and they are in constant competition with each other.

When you don’t feel like exercising, remind yourself that if you don’t go, it will become even harder to force yourself to go the next day. Why? Because when you follow Mr. La La Land’s advice by not going, you’re giving Mr. La La Land the permission to control you. You also boost Mr. La La Land’s ego and self-esteem by listening to him. Over and over, Mr. La La Land wins and Mr. Better Man becomes the loser. 

But if you learn to tell Mr. La La Land that “Hey, I’m going to listen to Mr. Better Man because he knows what’s good for me”, Mr. La La Land will feel small. He will start to lose his self-worth and self-esteem and eventually he won’t have the confidence to tell you what to do anymore. He already knows you will always listen to Mr. Better Man. 

Don’t let Mr. La La Land win. Nurture Mr. Better Man and he will lead you to the person you’ve always dreamed of becoming. 


2. Seek inspiration - every day.

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing - that’s why we recommend it daily.

Zig Ziglar

No matter how intrinsically driven we are, we can easily lose our motivation if we don’t continue to seek it out. Ever since I was a child, I have made it a habit to look for inspiration. The Internet has given us the power to find anything and everything. It is up to you to use that power to your advantage. Because I am a creative person and I feel stuck, bored, and stagnant the moment that I don’t feel inspired. To feel alive again, I look for inspiration. I read books, watch videos, read articles, and do things that reflect what and who I aspire to become. I find ways to better myself and find inspiration every day.

If you have lost motivation with exercising, try going to new fitness classes, join a bootcamp, watch fitness videos, or get a personal trainer.

If you have lost motivation with work, see if you can do more challenging tasks. Read articles and watch videos that inspire your creative spark. Meet new people. Go to events. 

Everyone is different and you’re the only one who knows what suits you the most. 


3. Focus on the emotional reward you will get. 

When you’re on the fence of fear, doubt, laziness, and tiredness, you have to focus on the emotional reward you will get if you just push yourself a little bit more to jump over that fence.

Focus on the feeling you feel after doing something that you know is good for you.

The feeling of an adrenaline rush.

The feeling of being fit and healthy.

The relief you feel after having finished a big project.

The pride you gain from an accomplishment.

The confidence you feel after having faced your fear.

Focus on these feel-good moments and remember that achieving that feeling again is just one step from saying “Yes”. 


4. Track your goals weekly and periodically.

Tracking your goals is crucial. We hold ourselves accountable when we don’t achieve our goals. Failing to track our goals is the easiest way to let ourselves fall off track. It is one way that our mind tells ourselves that we do not fully commit to those goals. If we can’t even tell our mind to commit to those goals, especially difficult goals, how are we going to accomplish them?

Writing things down is a way to reinforce to our subconscious what we want. Just like the practice of prayer. The more we tell ourselves what we want to achieve, the more likely we are to take action. We’re not letting those goals slip through our minds. The subconscious is powerful. The thoughts you say out loud are not as powerful as the thoughts you whisper to yourself. Positive affirmations hold their power. By tracking your goals and telling yourself over and over what you want to achieve, eventually you will overcome your laziness.

One day at a time, you can build a habit. Start with the habit of tracking your goals because tracking your goals is making a commitment to those goals. You cannot achieve difficult goals without making a commitment to yourself and to your subconscious mind. 


5. Set a reward for yourself.

Who doesn’t like rewards? Rewards can keep us motivated. And if a reward can keep us motivated for 30 days, then we might have successfully changed our habit by then too. Pick a healthy reward for yourself. While a material reward like a new outfit, a vacation, or a massage can be great, an inner reward feels better and is more sustainable. 

What is an inner reward? An inner reward is the emotional reward you feel from within. This brings us back to point 3 - focus on the emotional reward. Instead of focusing on rewards such as “if I lose 10 lbs, I’m going to buy a new outfit,” focus on the confidence and happiness you’ll feel from being fit and healthy. Think about how much more productive you’d become when you feel energized. If you focus on a material reward, you may get excited when you get the reward, but after a while, you will lose your motivation again. The emotional reward is sustaining and it is built from within. Make it a habit to focus on the emotional reward and it will become easier to make real change in your life. 


6. Find someone to hold you accountable for your goals.

Instead of tracking your goals yourself, you can ask someone you trust to keep you on track with your goals. This can be a sibling, friend, partner, or even a professional such as a life coach or a personal trainer. They can be your source of motivation, and even better, inspiration. It is important to pick someone you believe in or someone whom you know would not let you fail at achieving your goals. Pick someone whom you know will kick your butt and will push your limit. Most importantly, you need to pick someone who believes in you. The feeling you get when you know that “someone believes in you” can be tremendous. This feeling will help push you forward and restore faith in yourself when you feel like giving up.


Try all of these tips and get yourself back on track with your goals again! Make 2016 your year. :)

Why can’t I relate to people? Sometimes I just feel so distant from the life I am living. And I’m tired of forcing all of my interactions with everyone and then trying not to crack when I end up alone every night

The reason ive been less active...trying to get me away from my abuser.

I guess Ill just get right into it. I need help. And as always in this crazy fucked up world the answer: money. Yes im in desperate need of money. I am 22, I am still living with my dad who for a majority of my life has controlled and mentally and physically abused me. If some of you may know, I have been in a relationship for more than a year and we decided we wanted to go off and you know, make a life together. Sounds easy, I mean hey, 22 im an adult i should be able to go off and do what I want…no. My dad HATES me interacting with the outside world. If I try to hang out with friends he tells me im betraying the family and im a “honkey” lover. If I try to pick up more days at work he comes into my job and watches me, making sure im actually at work. He yells at me, even locks me out of the house and says he “didnt know I left”, When I hang with my boyfriend he calls me a slut, he tells me He’s using me for money and sex (just gonna put it out there couples help couples and we have EQUALLY helped each other). Whenever I try and tell my dad my opinion on anything he tells me im just a dumbass woman. Im fat and undesirable and people only hang with me to use me. He gets in my face, threatens to beat me etc etc…Its gotten me to a point where EVERYDAY I am fighting suicidal tendencies…I have attempted suicide over 50 times in 2016. Everytime I thought about doing it I told myself…it can get better, I have to hold on. I confided in many people who have tried helping me, some buying my art and some giving me money. On my birthday my boyfriend and I decided we would live together on April 17th, we have not been able to find anywhere to live but we can do that later, the rent at his house is pretty high, he lives with his mom who curently doesnt have a job so most of the rent would fall on him and I. We decided to move out on this date cause the weather would be clear and he would have some money saved, right after taxes and all and he said April just feels like a time of new beginnings. He felt my dad would come around to the idea…I know he wouldnt and it would be violent, possibly. I havent told him yet. And he doesnt work so sneaking out of the house would be impossible…I guess ill mention the other problem I have. Medicine. I suffer from trigeminal neuralgia. The medicine has been stripping me dry of money seeing as they only give me two weeks worth of it and I do not have health insurance right now, the one i was on told me I was making’too much’ and they could not help me anymore. So I am fucking struggling for money, I had a goal to earn between $4000-8000 before April 17th…and trust me i know thats pushing it! But I am determined. I have an art shop that I will be uploading in a few days and if people want to donate at KururugiArt@yahoo.com Id appreciate it. My co-worker gave me an idea to put my story out there and just see what happened, doesnt hurt to try im sure I fucked up this whole thing im writing this in the bathroom on my lunch break so im rushing….im desperate. I need to FINALLY live my life…If you took the time to read this I appreciate it…and If you would repost this, id appreicate it too. Even if you cant donate or buy my art, just wishing me luck means so much to me!! Thank you for reading loves…

Leg day curtesy of Lower Fix 💃🏻 there’s a “bonus” exercise that I almost didn’t do because I’m just so exhausted, but then I thought, fuck that it’s only another 2 mins of exercise so I joined in at the last second 😅 so while you may not be able to see it, I am super sweaty.
Also, tomorrow is my birthday, so while I’m going to try my darnedest to workout, I may not 😬 also, my work takes everyone out for lunch on their birthday, so cheat meal here I come 🙈

  • me: *listens to La Vie Boheme on the way to my 9-5 office job, trying to ignore the fact that i'm wasting my life and am in no way, shape, or form living la vie boheme because let's be real people need money and the only way to make money is to sell your soul and give up on your hopes and dreams and, even if the characters in your favourite musical are dedicated to la vie boheme no matter what, you are a real person who just wants to be able to afford groceries god dammit*
I was trying to do my taxes....

… and I am just not adult enough to manage them this year. I moved and actually made the most money I’ve ever made in my LIFE this year…. and made student loan payments… 

… there are words in here I do not understand. 

I am 100% making Sweetheart do our taxes for the rest of our lives after we get married. Because I do not understand anything that has to do with money. 

EDIT: I’m going to go pour a glass of wine and fold laundry now. Because that seems less overwhelming. 

Guys, Caryl has actually CONSUMED my life (see what I did there). I mean I’m over here trying to live a normal, productive life. I’m in grad school and I’m trying to get shit done, but how am I supposed to concentrate on the two papers I have to write when Caryl EXISTS and they are going to be canon?! How am I supposed function in society when this is happening. I mean what a time to be alive. 

And I just want to give a shoutout to all you LOVELY people who have been Caryl shippers since the show started and who have actually watched the show for years and aren’t just getting into it like me. You guys are the real heroes, keeping this ship sailing and keeping the faith. You all deserve this so much and I am so lucky to have come into this fandom at this most precious of times to be a part of something so epic as Caryl and to see all of you beautiful people, who have waited for this for YEARS, finally get what you want. I’m just so happy for all of you. Bless.

9

Hi everyone, just want to tell you how much i am lucky… i love my gf..we are currently living in italy but i’m moving to the USA for a year..we decided to be strong together and try to continue our relationship even if the distance is a monster for who is in love..it’s scary..with this post i just want to say thank u for your support..i love you to the moon and back and you are the best thing in my life i hope in a happy ending for us.
I’m going to live in Mclean, VA and i would like to meet new friends to take a coffe sometimes or just doing something so if someone is on the area or would like to talk with me or with us please just follow me or my gf or both and come say hi :)

Tumblr : @justjm1496 ig :jessmariotti (mine)
Tumblr : @bloodygrimilde ig: mari spike (my gf)

Such a naughty kitten part 2

part 1

Disclaimers: This is not meant to be taken seriously and do not get butt-hurt or kink-shame if this isn’t in your sexy list. I also do not write professionally again so if there are or is misspelled words then I am sorry not sorry.

Warnings: This is not meant for underage eyes but I mean I am underage by a year also. Daddy kink, kitten play, orgasm denial and more spanking yay.

This will be the final part of this smut fic and I might post an angst or start working on a series for this blog and what not.

It has been almost a week since Hoseok touched me last and I can’t even say that he was touching me. It was more like he was trying to kill me and make my life a sexually frustrated living hell. He has done so many things to tease me this past week and he would just leave me there hanging. Earlier this week I came in from dancing classes and he sat on the bed masturbating and moaning my name. I had to control myself from dropping my bag and running to the bed and fucking him but I knew that if I did he would punish more and make me wait longer. I also felt as if he knew I was there because he just opened his eyes, smirked and then continued, he ignored my pleading whimpers and it made me so frustrated.

“Baby, listen to me when I talk to you.”, he huffs bringing me out of my trace of frustration. Turning my head to side I widen my eyes innocently,“What did you say, Oppa?” He rolled his eyes and sighed, getting up. My eyes follow him curiously as he goes up the stairs and quickly comes back with a pastel pink box labeled ‘Kitten play time’. He smirks and sits back down on the couch,“Open the box, (Y/N).” I furrow my brows as he calls me by my actual name, he never does this unless I am in for a treat or he is angry at me. My hands shake as I reach for it and lift the lid revealing something he hasn’t brought out since a couple months ago. 

He chuckles as I gasp at the black kitten ears, collar and leash in the box,“A-am I getting played with tonight, Hobi?”, my voice shakes as I stare at him unsure. “You are princess.”, he pauses as he takes out the kitten ears and clip them into my hair,“Now go up into the room and wait on the bed for me baby.” As soon as I hear those words I run into the room and start to take off my shorts and tank top, leaving me fully nude because Hoseok doesn’t like when I wear panties and a bra around the house. I sit on the bed and clench my thighs together waiting for him to give me release and pleasure. It seemed as if it took five hours for him to come up the stairs. As he got to the doorway his eyes darkened with lust and need.

He took long strides and stopped in front of me, cupping my cheeks in his hands he bent down slightly to kiss me. It felt as if our kiss lasted for centuries but it was only mere minutes. I whimpered into our kiss as it got heated and rougher. My core was aching for him this whole time. I pulled away, breathing hard as I looked at him, his hair was going in every direction from when my hands pulled and were running through it,“Daddy, please touch me.” My voice sounded wrecked from not speaking for a while. He straightened his posture and pushed me back,“Spread your legs from me kitten, daddy is going to make your little pussy feel so good.”

I comply to his request and spread them for him, gasping as my heat is met with the cold air the room. He gets on his knees and scoots his face closer to my core, not waiting anymore his mouth is met with my clit. I whimper and lift my hips up to get closer to his face for. He put his hands on my hips to keep me from moving and squirming around. He moaned into my core as he tasted me on his tongue,“Kitten, you taste so fucking good to daddy.” I moaned as he muttered that onto my clit. His fingers slowly made their way to my entrance, thrusting one finger in he groaned at the tightness engulfing him. I arched my back in response to all the pleasure I was receiving. It doesn’t take long for the feeling of having to cum hit me,“D-daddy-”, I whimper not even having time to finish the sentence as he pulls away from me.

He gets up and licks his lips to clean my juices from them. This could have possibly been one of the most erotic scenes I have seen in my life. He pulls me up and pushes me down to my knees in front of his bulge in his basketball shorts,“Suck daddy’s cock baby.” I bite my lip and nod, my hands go to the front of his shorts and palm his length. His breath quickens and his hips buck into my hands. I look up at him with wide innocent eyes as I pull down his shorts and boxers to reveal his hard length in my face, “Daddy, you are already leaking.” I whimper as I look at the tip of his cock with pre-cum leaking out of it in front of my eyes, I gulped loudly and brought my hand up to hold his length still and lick off the pre-cum developing on it.  

“Fuck, baby you have such a dangerous tongue. I don’t know how daddy can take it.”, he groans as I engulf his whole length into my mouth slowly. His tip hits the back of my throat making me gag into him. He grabs onto my hair and guides his cock in and out slowly. He whimpers slightly and groans at the feeling. Tears slowly go down my face every time he thrusts back into my mouth. His hips pick up speed as he starts to fuck my mouth faster. With every thrust he maked it sent a tingle down to my core. My hand slowly traveled down to rub my clit as he fucked my mouth. He looks down and groans as he watches my eyes watering and my hand rubbing me where I need him the most.  

He pulls out of my mouth and pulls me up onto the bed, bending me over the edge of it. He rubs his hands along the dip in my back and to my ass. He massages it softly and spanks its lightly, making my thighs rub against my heat,“D-daddy please fuck me.”, my voice is gravely as I talk to him. “Is that what my kitten wants from me?” He chuckles as he hears my wrecked voice and weakened state. I nod my head vigorously and push my ass back against his hips. I grind against his cock and whimper at the feeling of it against my pussy. He groans and pushes me back into the bed,“Patience baby, all good things come in time.”

He drags his finger along my slit and slowly thrusted into me. He moves his finger in an agonizing slow pace. My moans are the only thing along with the sound of my wetness that are making noise in the room. After a while he pushes in a second finger and curls them up slightly to hit my g-spot. “Daddy please.”, I whimper more as I get impatient as I wait for his cock to get in me. He moves his fingers faster in me making me moan louder as I get close to my release again. My heat tightens around his fingers and he pulls out again only for me to whine and groan in frustration.  

He grabs his cock and runs it along my heat,“Baby girl are you ready for me?”. I nod my head again and sigh at the feeling,“Yes, daddy!” He slowly pushes into my hole and groans as he is fully in me. His hips move at a slow pace and slowly build up speed as he keeps thrusting into me. “You feel so tight against daddy’s cock kitten.”, he brings his hands up into my hair and pulls my head back so my back is against his chest. “Daddy, can you p-please go harder.”, I whimper and push my head back so I can kiss him. He slams into me as I bring my lips to his. I moan into the kiss and he pushes his tongue into my mouth. His tongue massages mine and he pulls back and bites my lip.

“Kitten, you look so good with swollen lips because of me.” He smirks and brings his head down to my neck. He slowly licks a small strip up and then opens his mouth to suck a mark into it. I moan loudly as if feel him mark all along my neck. His abuse on my neck gets me closer to release and I squeeze his cock. “Mm, if you do that again kitten you will make me cum.” His breath is staggered and he groans. I squeeze again and close my eyes as I am almost close,“Daddy I need to cum!” He chuckles and thrusts into me faster and harder than he ever has before.

“Beg to cum, princess.” His voice bellows into my ears. “Please let me cum daddy. I have been such a good girl for you and you are making me feel so fucking good. Your cock feels so good as it is pounding into me. You are so good to use me like a little fuck toy daddy.” I moan out my plea to him. He lifts up my hips and rubs my clit to have me orgasm faster. My breathing quickens and I let out long loud moans and whimpers as I clench around his cock and orgasm. My vision is taken over by white pleasure and it’s like nothing else exists in the world except for Hoseok and me.

Soon after I cum he pulls out and flips me onto my back. “Open your mouth for me, Kitten.” He strokes his cock quickly as he chases his release. I stick my tongue out and I look at him innocently. “Fuck (Y/N)!”, He groans loudly and cums in my mouth. The salty and musky liquid hits my tongue and I moan at the taste. After he finishes his release I swallow his seed,he stares at me in fascination. Soon after his fascination he falls onto the bed with me and closes his eyes,“I love you so much kitten.” I smile and blush at the endearment,“ I love you too, daddy”, I cuddle up to his body despite us both being sticky and sweaty. My eyes close as I fall asleep beside him.

Can I just say that even though I’m really struggling with some stuff right now, it’s such a relief to not be in that relationship anymore.  I feel like I can breathe and that life is not constantly going from one crisis to another, walking on eggshells and trying not to set someone off.  I don’t have to live in this constant miasma of negativity, hostility, and anger.  I’m really not sad about the breakup at all.  I don’t miss him.  I am only realizing now the extent to which he made my life hellish over the last years in some really unacceptable and unforgivable ways.  I’m only being relatively friendly in response to his messages because I feel like that will make it easier to get back the rent that he owes me.  

I can finally breathe again.  I don’t cry all the time.  I am not belittled and made to feel insufficient, defective, or broken.