i am just having a lot of feels

anonymous asked:

Okay so I have this problem where I still call myself my biological gender in my head because no one around me genders me correctly. Does this make me less trans or is it just idk?

Nah, I do the same thing. I think it’s part of the whole, “I don’t feel like a real _” yet. Like a lot of times, even though I call myself Tobias in my head, I’ll also think something like, “The other girls” and I’m like, “um? Tobias? Really?”

pipiringa  asked:

Also completely irrelevant (I'm sorry I'm spamming you I just.. idk I feel like I have to? Idk like I said I can't explain) if you ever need a talk, I know I'm just a little follower but I'm here! A lot of us are. Remember that. I'm also here for anyone else who needs it. -tiff

It’s all fine. No worries. I am thankful for every messege. Thank you for being considerate and thank you for your offer. It means a lot to me 💙

Free Day: Killervibe Mixtape

Killervibe Mixtape: I Got You

Most of you don’t know this about me, but I am a massive music nerd. I do musical theater and I play piano and guitar and I sing. Music is a huge part of my life and often how I make sense of emotions, which often translates to my favorite characters and ships.

 I have a lot of songs that remind me of certain characters or ships, and all of these come from that collection that I listen to while I’m writing to get inspired. I agonized over the song order, to give it kind of a progressive intro-climax-coda feel. A lot of these are sad and angsty because that’s just where I am with these two right now, but I tried to give it a mix of tempos to keep things interesting. These two are just so special to me and these beautiful songs all remind me of them. I hope these inspire you while you’re writing!

please reblog/like i worked hard on this

THERE IS SOMETHING INHERENTLY WRONG WITH ME

As i have mentioned before a lot of my uh…senpais kind of noticed me. I’m just gonna call them senpais cuz there’s literally no other word that properly conveys what I’m trying to say. Basically PEOPLE I ADMIRE A LOT. 8′) Who i don’t follow but just regularly creep on and fawn over from afar. BECAUSE I AM A CREEP
Well they didn’t notice me. More like they noticed my posts. And liked/reblogged them. Which is still a big deal for me. Because I didn’t asked to be noticed……….SHIT.
I have really no idea what I’m doing on this blog. So if you actually followed me for the gifs/art/reblogs i am so sorry. this is what you’re getting instead. Cuz it’s my blog. And I wanna put all my reactions here?¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ANYWAY I WENT NUTS WHEN I FOUND OUT AND YOU , DEAR FOLLOWER,  GET TO SEE HOW UTTERLY LAME I AM WHENEVER I SEE MY SENPAIS NOTICING MY SHIT ART/GIFS. IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO UNFOLLOW ME ANYWAY.

AND SO. WE BEGIN.

I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS. OMG. IT’S THE BEST FEELING EVER!?!?!??? AASDFDG;;

Anyway expect your regular blogging to resume in a few hours/days depending on how well I recover. Thanks ya’ll for sticking with me if you’re still here. Also thank you to my wonderful friends who continue to support and encourage me even though I did not take this well. My immediate reaction for these kind of things is to feel guilty for some reason. I’M NOT USED TO THIS OK. I’m just a small blog who is hyping over the new DLC. What is wrong with this website?!????

anonymous asked:

I just gotta ask and forgive me if it is a dumb question. Why was Hector worried about Jack in the locker and onwards?

Gosh, nonnie, are you sure you want to open this can of worms? Because I could scream about Jack and Hector’s relationship literally all day, it’s just one of those things I love about both of them.

Also this is not at all a stupid question, I am 100% for answering these about my interpretaton.

I feel like there are a lot of different reasons? I could answer this better if Silas was here to walk me back through it, it’s something we’ve discussed extensively, but I’m going to do my best and lead off with the obvious: You guys do realize they’re friends, right. Because they are friends. The best of friends, even if they’ll literally never admit it. See, the great thing about Jack and Hector is that once they’ve gotten their revenge or a book is closed in their life or whatever? They move on. They don’t really dwell on it after that. For example, take the Locker itself.

"Oh, Hector! It's been to long! Hasn't it?"
"Aye, Isla de Muerta, remember?"
(and this bastard fucking winks) "You shot me."


Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hello! So, I think I might have dermatillomania but how can I be sure? Ive been picking at my nails and the skin around them ever since I was a little kid. I am now 20 and I have not stopped. It can get bad sometimes. I will pick at all my fingers to the point where it hurts to bend them. When I first heard of derma, it really stuck to me because it felt super relateable. Like wow, I am not the only one? But I just want to be sure that I have it.

I know exactly how you feel! It was an amazing feeling when I finally found out about derma being a thing because I finally had an explanation and I wasn’t alone anymore. I’m by no means an expert, but it does sound a lot like derma. A lot of people have specific areas they pick at (like mine is my shoulders and arms). If you feel comfortable enough, you can come off anon and we can talk more in detail about what I can do to help you, but more importantly how you can help yourself.

New Beginnings - Part 2 - Replies

Ao3 Link

Part 1 / Part 2

Once again thank you to everyone who has liked, reblogged and commented on this story, I am having a lot of fun writing it so it is good to know that

@lostinafictionaluniverse

Ahhh this is soooo good. Jughead’s backstory caught me by surprise and I was heartbroken at his pain, Betty seems a little readier than him at this point, at least she’s thinking about intimacy. I can’t wait for the date and them getting to know each other. Daddy!Jughead just gives me the most intense feels, thank you for this amazing story! Juggie and JB were escaping the name of their father? What in the heck did FP do???

I felt really mean doing that to poor Juggie, Daddy!Jughead is something I never knew I needed until I started writing him. Yes there will be plenty of getting to know each other at the date and yes, Betty is much more ready for this than poor Jug.

@birdlovesafish

Oh man Jug what a tragic backstory. Can’t wait to hear Betty’s deal. Can’t wait for their date! I’m sure it’ll be amazing 

Thank you so much, yes poor Juggie, and there will be more examining of Betty’s past in the next chapter.

@bugheadjonesiii

This is so cute!!! I can’t wait for the next part :-)

Thanks so much, I am working on the next part soon. I just have another fic at the moment that needs my attention.

@jugandbettsdetectiveagency

I’m so emotional! But so excited for more ❤

Thank you so much, that little part of me that enjoys writing angst got a hold of the keyboard and went a little nuts.

@rileybabe

Such a cute story! I can’t wait for their date! ❤️ Also curious to know more about Betty’s backstory.

There is more of Betty’s history coming up in the next chapter as well as their date at Pops!

@allskynostars

Yessss oh my god so excited for this day 😍😍

I am excited to write the date for you guys!

@ccmeeks

I love this so much

Thanks, I am so glad you are enjoying the story.

@marissamon

aw just read both parts and I am in love 💙💙

Thanks so much, i hope you enjoy the upcoming chapters just as much!

2

I’ve actually had this rolling around in my head for weeks and it was funny when I first thought of it. Sometimes I am self-conscious of my dumb ideas.  

how am I not meant to cry about the fact that chris doesn’t think she’s a good friend? that girl has backed every single girl in the girl squad from day one like this girl literally left a bus vilde was kicked off and was the one who asked sana to join the bus because she’s just a friendly girl who probably didn’t even know how much that would’ve even meant to sana plus countless other examples like this girl deserves to know what an absolute blessing she is in her friend’s lives and how much they love her not only for being there for them but because of who she is in essence

And y’all don’t wanna hear this but aceness (having lived through it and connected with other people about it believe me I am not talking out of my ass) more than any other identity like this has a LOT of cases where it’s born out of conditions. It has a lot to do with being in a society where sexuality is expected. It has a lot to do with internalized homophobia. It has a lot to do with dysphoria. It has a lot to do with performative heteronormativity being shunned. It has a lot to do with sexual rejection. It has a lot to do with interpersonal anxiety.

And those are all very valid. But because aceness is obsessive about inclusion-as-proof-of-existence (you know, the existence of that community y’all defend so much but also claim you don’t have?), ace discourse also circles around telling people they don’t need to question the source of their feelings, they don’t need to think about the how’s and why’s of their identity. And like, that’s not fucking healthy.

I’m sure there are plenty of people who are just ace because they’re ace. But there are also a lot of people who are traumatized by this traumatic and inflexible society we live in, and while I’m not saying you’re not ace, I am saying figuring out if there’s an identifiable why might make your life so much better.

Because there are so many instances of people who have complicated feelings on love and sex and thus are averse stumbling onto MOGAI tumblr and going ah! Someone gets me! But later finding out that there was a reason, and confronting that reason, and leaving the label behind. Me included. I was aro AND ace, or believed I was for a time, because it seemed to explain a lot of my feelings on the concepts. But I’ve learned different. So in a way I’m glad that the community became so vile that I turned my back on it.

Sometimes I think about that guy that was like “I’m dating women but I don’t want sex with them, I’m ace but for some reason I’m attracted to men but I could never see myself dating one” and it’s like.. that’s textbook internalized homophobia and performative heteronormativity. And this is what I mean when I say it’s dangerous that the Ace community is so allergic to any critique of its methods of gaining ‘members’ or his rhetoric. Because it’s actively trapping people in a state of non-growth.

You won’t stop being valid if you find out there’s a reason you’re averse to romance or sex. You’re not a ‘fake’ aro/ace person if there’s a reason you identify that way.

And that’s the tea on that.

Why the shows treatment of Yin Fen bothers me

*spoilers for if you are not up to date with either the show or infernal devices*

In the show you are introduced to yin fen as if it were any other recreational drug. Izzy gets hooked on it and displays the typical drug addict symptoms: cravings, fever, jitteriness, ect.  She is shown to be addicted to it, she is willing to do anything to get more of it; she is shown to be a very typical, unflatteringly painted, drug addict.

This completely destroys and undermines Jem Carstairs’ entire character arc.

It is immediately established in Clockwork Angel that Jem is not a drug addict in the common sense. Yin fen is not a metaphor for meth or cocaine or any other recreational drug. It is a metaphor for the wasting, cureless diseases of the day, such as consumption or typhoid or something:

A hero […] who was condemned to die young of a fatal demonic illness, no matter how desperate the efforts were to save him, just as in reality victims of consumption sickened and died without penicillin(Forward of Clockwork Princess, pg. 4) 

Clare states it clearly herself, yin fen is not a recreational drug like the show made it to be.

By giving Izzy this plotline, they have ruined any chance of Jem’s arc making any sense at all. People would see that Jem is addicted to yin fen and not be able to understand why he can’t just kick the habit. It wouldn’t make any sense that the drug is killing him, turning his hair and eyes silver and paling his skin, because this very obviously not what happens to Izzy. Izzy isn’t dying, she just feels like she is. 

It is made very clear that Jem hates what yin fen has done to him. He hates that he must rely on it, he despises how it has stolen his life from him. And while he compares it to the Opium in China and himself to the addicts(thus offering a compelling metaphor about colonialism and racism):

The British bring opium into China by the ton. They have made a nation of addicts out of us. In Chinese we call it ‘foreign mud’ or ‘black smoke’. In some ways Shanghai, my city, is built on opium. It wouldn’t exist as it does without it. The city is full of dens where hollow-eyed men starve to death because all they want is the drug, more of the drug. They’ll give anything for it. I used to despise men like that. I couldn’t understand how they were so weak.

[…]

There was one thing they couldn’t fix, though. I had become addicted to the substance the demon had poisoned me with. My body was dependent on it the way an opium addict’s body is dependent on the drug.

(Clockwork Angel, ch. 15, pg. 339-340)

He also makes it very clear that the drug is more of an bastardized medicine:

After weeks of experimentation they decided that nothing could be done: I could not live without the drug. The drug itself meant a slow death, but to take me off it would mean a very quick one.

The yin fen is what keeps Jem alive, and he despises that. He wants to burn bright like Will does, he wants to live to grow old with Tessa(though not for her but that’s another rant). This why he throws it in the fire in Clockwork Princess, why he was taking less of it. He loathes relying on it. 

This is not the case with Izzy. Izzy, like most drug addicts, craves how good the yin fen makes her feel. She actively wants more of it. It is not a unavoidable and cruel medicine, it is a recreational drug. 

But the worst aspect of this is that it plays right into the negative and degrading view the other Shadowhunters have of Jem and further causes and creates Jem’s greatest fear. 

The books works extremely hard to make it very clear that Jem Carstairs is not a drug addict. It is consistently referred to as his illness, the other characters work hard to combat this kind of thinking in the novels themselves. This plays into the vilification of the Lightwoods especially, with Gabriel constantly saying awful and derogatory things about Jem:

“You’re a decent Shadowhunter, James,” [Gabriel] said, “and a gentleman. You have your–disability, but no one blames you for that.”

(Clockwork Angel, ch. 9, pg. 206)

“I think,” Gabriel said, “that perhaps you might consider whether jokes about opium are either amusing or tasteful, given the…situation of your friend Carstairs.”

Will froze. Still in the same tone of voice, he said, “You mean his disability?

Gabriel blinked. “What?”

“That’s what you called it. Back at the Institute. His ‘disability’.” Will tossed the bloody cloth aside. “And you wonder why we aren’t friends.”

(Clockwork Angel, Ch. 11, pg. 269)

Not only this, but the scenes during and after Jem retrieves Will from the Drug Den, are extremely telling.

When Jem drags Will out of the den, the reader sees him lose his temper for the first time:

“You did not have to come and fetch me like some child. I was having quite a pleasant time.” 

Jem looked back at him. “God damn you,” he said, and hit Will across the face, sending him spinning. Will didn’t lose his footing, but fetched up against the side of the carriage, his hand to his cheek. His mouth was bleeding. He looked at Jem with total astonishment.

(Clockwork Prince, ch. 9, pg. 195)

In this moment, Jem is so blindingly angry at Will, even Tessa observes herself how this was so utterly unlike him, because he feels as if Will is mocking Jem and his addiction by going and getting high on a drug when Jem is literally dependent and dying because of the yin fen.

“There’s no cure,” […] “I will die, and you know it, Tess. Probably within the next year. I am dying, and I have no family in the world, and the one person I trusted more than any other made sport of what is killing me.”

[…]

“He knows what it means to me,” he said. “To see him even toy with what has destroyed my life–”

(Clockwork Angel, ch. 9, pg. 200)

Because Jem has to battle against the label of a drug addict everyday, and his biggest fear is that he is just a addict, that that’s all anyone sees. He hates that label. Which, as seen, is openly talked about in the books. This is such a big deal that Will actually apologizes for it:

“I went to that den because I could not stop thinking about my family, and I wanted–I needed–to stop thinking,” said Will. “It did not cross my mind that it would look like I was making a mockery out of your sickness. I suppose I am asking your forgiveness for my lack of consideration.”

(Clockwork Prince, ch. 11, pg. 247)

Even though Will makes a point to never apologize about anything so that others will hate him. He apologizes to Jem for this thoughtlessness because he realizes how royally he messed up. 

All of this is totally disregarded in Izzy’s storyline. People entering into TID after watching the show will be confused and not understand how Jem is sick and dying and is not really a drug addict at all. In short, they will enter into the novels with a prejudice and misunderstanding of Jem, and see him just like the other Shadowhunter’s do: a weak drug addict.

tl;dr: the show totally ruins and misconstrues and mocks Jem’s character arc by giving Izzy such a typical(and utterly incorrect) recreational drug addict storyline and I am furious about it.

Okay but I have been lowkey (now highkey) hoping that Jemma gives Aida an impassioned, tear-stained, possibly screamed speech that love is a choice and a decision and that Fitz cannot and will not ever truly love her, because she took that choice away by programming it into him.

9

Art of May!!! (ok I couldn’t put them all on one post because it was starting to be really too much ^^’)

Painted on PS [2017.05]

It was a really good month, I experimented a lot and had so much fun. Also I want to particularly thank all of you for your supports, your likes, reblogs, comments, tags and messages. I am sooo overwhelmed and I feel so blessed by all of you and yup Thank you guys, you are amazing and I am so lucky!!  Have a really really beautiful day

The new Miraculous print I just finished!!! Omg this baby was a lot of blood, sweat, and tears…. But it’s finished!! I will have this available in my storenvy by the end of July when I open it back up! Please let me know what you think.


EDIT: Omg I am so overwhelmed by the feedback I have been getting!! You are all so awesome!! However, because of an incident that just happened I feel I need to add this even though it shouldn’t have to be said. 

PLEASE DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!! EVEN IF PERMISSION IS GIVEN, PLEASE GIVE FULL CREDIT AND A SOURCE LINK.

I don’t like having to report people but with how bad art theft is getting, especially in the Miraculous fandom, I will not tolerate it. I will make an effort to reach out and fix it if it was a simple mistake and got overlooked but i will not ask again before reporting.

I hate having to be like that but we have to protect our creations.

vanejpeg  asked:

People expect everyone to stay the same forever but that's kinda unrealistic seeing as we all grow and learn as the years go by. It would actually be more concerning if you were to stay the same rather than grow and learn if ppl don't like who you are becoming which is a wonderful person who inspires others then that's their problem and they shouldn't be forcing you into a mold you don't fit into anymore

That last line really resonated with me.

I want to make you guys happy, of course I do, but I also want to do the things that I love to do.

I’ve struggled a lot in the past with self image, confidence and depression/anxiety, but I’d like to believe I have made some progress since then. Which is also why I feel it’s important to challenge and change myself so that hopefully I can become a better person! Not just for YT but personally as well!

Thank you to all of you who support what I am trying to do! I am not who I was a year ago but that doesn’t mean I am not still me. :)

Rhys: [walks into the High Lord Meeting with his wings out]

Everyone: