i am incredibly unhappy with this

7

I was having a terrible dysphoria day today. I was having trouble breathing, couldn’t get out of bed, I mean the whole nine yards of dysphoria for me. But then something pretty great happened. I was going through the photos I took for my college graduation announcements, and my old high school graduation photos popped up. It really brought me back to 2011. I remembered going shoe and dress shopping because “I had to”, and being so unhappy that I cried constantly. I remember going to eat afterwards and keeping that purple grad robe on because I was so uncomfortable in my dress. I remember pulling my hair back the second I was done with family pictures. I remember being so incredibly uncomfortable and unhappy. 

I now look at these college grad pictures and I remember it being incredibly hot, but not at all uncomfortable in my clothes (I actually felt amazing in my suit). I remember all the poses coming very natural and smooth. I remember laughing a lot and not once being sad. I remember feeling fantastic and on top of the world. Even though I don’t have any of the friends that I had in high school due to my transition, I have new friends. Better friends. A new life. A new body. And I am better for it. Transitioning is a journey, and I am working on mine. 

anonymous asked:

Why am I so incredibly unhappy?

the economy? depression? existential dread? stanley yelnats going to prison camp for a crime he didn’t commit?

When did I start to like Sakura?
Or better yet, why do I LOVE her?

SORRY THIS WILL BE LONG, ORZ. 

Let me bring you way back into my childhood.
And I apologize because whenever people ask me this in person, I normally just say “BECAUSE SHE IS AMAZING, OK?”
and have never really told people the real reason why I love her so much, so I guess this is the perfect time to do it?

SO LET ME MAKE ONE THING CLEAR.

I USED TO NOT CARE ABOUT SAKURA DURING HER GENIN DAYS.
I, myself, was about 12 or 13 during the time, and could care less about her. I was pretty blinded by all the really cool characters like Sasuke, Neji, and Kakashi. Pff. It was normal, I mean, I wasn’t really checking out the female character at the time. I mean…she was okaaaayy. She had pink hair and that was cool, but other than that, her attitude was more humorous then it was awe inspiring. If anything, I was interested with Hinata. She was incredibly cute, from personality to appearance.

During this time, I was heavily bullied. I’ve had paperclips shot at my face, I was teased for having acne (occassionally called pizza face), and also teased because I didn’t shave my legs. Oh, not to mention I was teased for liking anime, and I was the only kid in my class to actually like drawing. (I went to a private school where there was only one graduating class each year). My bullying got so bad to the point that I had tried to commit suicide on countless occassions. I was sent to a therapist who said that nothing was my fault and it was all the bullies (who were literally the whole class). I had no friends, and the friends I did have only liked me so they wouldn’t be in trouble.

I sought solace in manga and anime, and Naruto was one of the first ones I read. I empathized with Naruto and during Sakura’s childhood flashback scenes, I slowly grew to appreciate her more.

Fast Forward and now I am this overweight, depressed, lonely, out of place, teenager. 

Here’s some visual reference. I don’t have many photos of my weight, I never liked to take pictures and when I did I hid in the back. I’m actually pretty embarrassed to put this up, uggghh.

My bullying was no longer in the classrooms, but in my family. I was raised with 9 male cousins, all are incredibly attractive and talented. I have one female cousin and an older sister, and they are often complimented, both are beautiful and mistaken for models a LOT. Then there was me, overweight and unhappy. The most compliments I would ever get was, “You would be so pretty without all the acne”. I used to work in a bakery, and I would get customers who would say things like, “do you wash your face everyday?” or “you have so much acne!”

I was depressed, unmotivated, unhappy, and angry with my life. I hated practically everyone and I hid myself most of the times.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT GOT ME OUT OF IT?


SAKURA FUCKING HARUNO.

I kid you not.
She literally changed my life.
The moment she began her growth, it was an inspiration to me. She did not have a kekkai genkai, she did not come from a high shinobi clan, she was overshadowed by two teammates who had great potential since the beginning, and she was seemingly useless. Then she trained, worked hard, grew, and became the badass she is now.
I use Sakura for a lot of my inspirations. She was literally just a regular girl with nothing out of the ordinary who worked her ass off and became God Tier. I cannot express how much she has changed my life and saved me.

I started working on myself, I started working out and lost 20 almost 30 lbs, my mind is growing healthier from meditation all because this seemingly useless kunoichi character changed her lifestyle which inspired me to do so as well.

I cant really explain to you how I grew to like her in great detail, but I will tell you that I went from ‘whatever’ to 'omfg i am so in love with you girl you are my queen’ during the span of my childhood.

So whenever I see Sakura bashings, I get a bit offended and/or upset because really, if Sakura Haruno never existed, I’m almost scared to see where the hell I would’ve been growing up.

I took some photos from my Instagram because I never really took selfies back then? But because I appreciate my body so much more, and I love my self so much more, I started taking more care of myself. My confidence is a lot higher, my self-esteem is actually there, and…idk, I’m just happy now, and it’s all thanks to the queeen. orz orz. 


Also, if you guys love Sakura Haruno ;o; follow me on my IG!! :DDD Or KIK/LINE ME! Message me for my info *3* 

virginia woolf sentence meme.

mostly from her letters to vita sackville-west. feel free to change pronouns, names etc!

  • ‘i just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human way.’
  • 'she lives in dreams, alone.’
  • ‘it is true that i only want to show off to women.’
  • ‘women alone stir my imagination.’
  • ‘should you say, if i rang you up to ask, that you were fond of me?’
  • ‘look here ( name, ) throw over your man.’
  • ‘i’ll tell you all the things i have in my head, millions, myriads.’
  • ‘they won’t stir by day, only by dark on the river.’
  • ‘think of that.’
  • ‘throw over your man, i say, and come.’
  • ‘i did enjoy seeing you, and am wearing your necklace.’
  • ‘is your garden good?’
  • ‘i lie in bed making up stories about you.’
  • ‘yesterday morning i was in despair.’
  • ‘my body was flooded with rapture and my brain with ideas.’
  • ‘i wrote rapidly till 12.’
  • ‘shall you mind? say yes or no.’
  • ‘here we go, alone, and like it better so.’
  • ‘always, to have sympathy, always to be accompanied.’
  • ‘to be understood would be unbearable.’
  • ‘she stood there, she listened.’
  • ‘she heard the names of the stars.’
  • ‘but with you i am deeply, passionately, unrequitedly in love.’
  • ‘dearest, i remember, do you?’
  • ‘she looked pale, mysterious, like a lily, drowned, under water.‘
  • ‘but for pain, words are lacking.’
  • ‘she did not want to move, or to speak. she wanted to rest, to lean, to dream.’
  • ‘she felt very tired.’
  • ‘and i have no face.’
  • ‘let me know truthfully and exactly how you are.’
  • ‘oh, women are my line, and not these inanimate creatures.’
  • ‘i have a  million things, not so much to say, as to sink into you.’
  • ‘if i don’t hear, i shan’t sleep.’
  • ‘my dearest, i do love you.’
  • ‘all the sibyls and tom eliots in the world don’t love you as much as i do.’
  • ‘i do bless you for all you’ve been to me.’
  • ‘this is not a joke, but a very sober truth.’
  • ‘it is a sensation i only get from you.’
  • ‘it is physically stimulating, restful at the same time.’
  • ‘how i watched you!’
  • ‘i say the whole day on love.’
  • ‘i say it’s seeing things through a purple shade.’
  • ‘but you’ve never been in love, they say.’
  • ‘yes i want you more and more.’
  • ‘you’ll like to think of me unhappy i know.’
  • ‘i want to express beauty too.’
  • ‘the truth shall be dug out of you at all costs.’
  • ‘i attain a different kind of beauty.’
  • ‘i am all the time thinking about poetry and fiction and you.’
  • ‘dearest, i feel certain that i am going mad again.’
  • ‘i feel we can’t go through another of those terrible times.’
  • ‘i can’t fight any longer.’
  • ‘you have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good.’
  • ‘oh, this is pain, this is anguish!’
  • ‘do not start. do not blush.’
  • ‘let us admit in the privacy of our own society that these things happen.’
  • ‘sometimes women do like women.’
  • ‘and you weren’t guilty then, were you? you swore you weren’t.’
  • ‘but do you really like going to bed with women?’

anonymous asked:

All of the dogblr puppies I see are so incredibly advanced for their ages. It makes me feel like I am failing my 15 week old because she is just grasping basics. It's really disheartening and doesn't make me want to do any work with her because I feel like she will never be "that good".

I literally just wrote a post about how I let puppies be puppies and how I’ve done next to nothing with Castiel. If you’re unhappy with where your dog is, go train or find a different trainer. Your dog is a baby, they’re supposed to be just grasping basics.

PSA: that “your success is disheartening because your progress is different from my progress so I’m going to try to make you feel bad” stuff is awful and guilt trippy. I love seeing other dogblrs have success with their dogs and many have inspired me to do new things with mine. Change your attitude and success will come to you.

Stay with me and pretend the world doesn't exist

Josh Dun x reader
Requested: nope
Warnings: none I hope, except for like shitty writing
Words: 1.172

Sum.: Where you are Josh’s best friend but you want to be more and you finally get your chance as he feels self conscious.

———–

“ I can’t do it, I just I don’t know I feel like I don’t belong in this world. This is not me! ”, his voice was low and drenched with emotion, mostly doubt. “No Josh, you will listen to me! That is not true! You belong there, you deserve this! You have worked so hard for everything and you deserve everything this has brought.”, you moved your arm off of his shoulder and stood up. He looked a little puzzled, as if he thought you would leave; you would never. “Get up, I am going to distract you and show you how great you are. I swear to you with everything I have I won’t stop until you believe me.”

As soon as he sat in the passenger seat of your car he stared out of the window. It appeared as if he was chewing on the inside of his lips, you knew it was a sign of his anxiety. “So what do you want to eat, pizza? Burger? hmh?”, you nudged him with your elbow trying to get his attention back on you. “Oh I…I don’t know. You know what I like I mean…Pizza? Only if you want it.”
“Pizza it is”, you said back with a smile hoping he would smile back.

You sat on the little bench you sat on so many times. The one at the top of this little hill that is behind the old grocery store in your town. It was perfect for viewing the sunset, exactly what you were doing right now. You and Josh talked about aimless things until both of you had finished your food. “ Do you remember the first time I got you up here? ”, you asked, facing Josh again. You remembered it vividly, you had to basically drag him up there because he thought it would be too cold to go outside. That evening in 12th grade you were ready to tell him how you felt, to tell him you loved him. “Yeah, it was so cold”, he interrupted your thoughts. “C'mon it wasn’t that cold, anyway I think the sunset is just as beautiful as then”, you stared straight ahead at the rest of the sun that was left. Casting a golden but also purple hue over the sky you felt a shiver run down your back. “Are you cold?”, surprisingly there seemed to be a hint of concern in his voice instead of mock that you expected. “No, I just thought of a memorie…”, you said shaking your head slightly. “Y/N….why do you still do this? You still hang out with me even if I’m only here every few months and..”, he looked at the ground while playing with his fingers. “Josh”, you sighed before continuing to speak. “I do this because, do you even remember? Last year of high school, on this exact bench, we made a promise we said that we would stay friends no matter what would happen after school. You did your thing, I did mine but I never wanted to forget you! Our friendship, you Josh, you mean so much to me that I never wanted to give it up. And I never, we never did. Both of us were and are busy but this was one thing that helped me through many hard times. Just knowing I could talk to you whenever and I always looked forward to seeing you again.”, you took his hands into yours and brushed over his knuckles with your thumb. “I might have never told you directly but Josh you mean so much to me. You were always there for me, you were the support I needed but you also pushed me to be a better person. I swear to you, without having you Josh I would not be where I am right now and I would certainly be not as content as I am now.”, he stared at you wide-eyed, his mouth opening and closing without a sound coming out. “I just wanna say that I really, really appreciate you!”, your eyes connect with him, hoping he would finally understand the message you were trying to give him. “I can’t believe you! I can’t believe how incredible you are. How…how in this world do I deserve you? How do I deserve you as a best friend! I come here every few months, not talking to you nearly as much as I should and as soon as I am unhappy you are ready to spend time with me and just have a best friend speech ready that anyone could be jealous of”, he removed his hands from yours just to pull you close in a side hug you didn’t expect. Best friend speech, exactly… It sounded aweful to you at this point, why did he not see that you were not planning on being his best friend forever. Stupid you, no stupid Josh, stupid world. After sitting in a hug for a while you speak up: “There is one thing you could do to make this all even” One of his eyebrows rose and he looked at you with a questioned look on his face.
“What?”
“Tell me what you feel?”, but before he could even open his mouth you take his face in your hands and softly press a kiss to his lips. He looks startled for a moment after you pull back, but then his face softens and now he is the one holding your face with his hands. “This is what I feel”, it’s nothing more than a whisper but his lips touching yours was answer enough. Your arms find their way around his neck and you deepen the kiss slightly. The kiss was more than you ever thought it would be. He was so careful, his lips fitting perfectly on yours they moved in a sort of trance. When you finally pulled away you leaned your forehead against his, breathing in heavily you smiled widely. “The night of the promise I brought you out here because I wanted to tell you I loved you. In 12th grade…guess I’m gonna do it now. Josh, I am madly in love with you and I am sick of hiding it”, your breath quickened as you suddenly were unsure of his reaction. You watched him carefully but to your delight his smile widened even further. “Y/N I can’t believe I could have had all of this so many years ago. I loved you too, I still love you”, he pressed a short kiss on your lips before engulfing you in a hug.

When you looked up again it had already become complete night but you didn’t want to leave, because leaving meant leaving Josh, it meant that time was going by faster than it should be. You turned to Josh again, “Stay with me tonight. Stay with me and pretend like the world doesn’t exist”

As heartbroken as I am...

as devastated and unhappy and saddened as I am, I am also incredibly grateful.

I’ve never met two characters who touched me, who inspired me, who I rooted for against all the odds, who I loved so deeply. Belle and Rumple have been the most incredible, nuanced, fleshed out characters to go on this journey with. I’ve shared their joys, their sorrows, their ups, their downs, and I’m grateful for Every. Single. Moment with them, even the painful, angsty ones, because, without them, this story would not have been so inspiring, so beautiful, or so true.

This has been the most incredible love story to watch unfold on screen, the most realistic portrayal of a difficult love between two people who somehow find their way back to each other against all the odds, who love each other deeply no matter the problems between them. Rumple and Belle show that love is worthwhile, even when it’s bloody hard work, that it’s worth fighting for. Belle saw the best in Rumple and Rumple saw the best in Belle. They fought, they disagreed, they got angry with each other, they hurt each other, and yet, through it all, their love remained. They never gave up on each other. And for all they’ve been through, they never stopped loving each other.

I’m grateful that they weren’t afraid to go to dark places with RumBelle, to show the problems, the insecurities, the flaws in the relationship and the characters. I’m grateful that the journey was hard, because it was real, and because the happiness that I believe and hope is coming will be earned.

I’m grateful to Emilie and Robert for their chemistry, for their dedication, for their effort, for giving every scene their all. I’m grateful to them for bringing RumBelle to life in a way no other actors EVER could. I’ve said before that the stars aligned when they cast Emilie opposite Robert. We have been truly, truly blessed to have such talented, dedicated actors bringing our Beauty and her Beast to life.

I’m grateful for the story, for the myriad memorable scenes that I will take pleasure in re-watching for many, many years to come (yes, even the painful ones!). There are so many scenes I love, it would be impossible to list them all. We have been so blessed to have such a memorable love story on our screens. At least I feel blessed.

I am also grateful to the writers. They gave us RumBelle and wrote all those beautiful scenes that I love. They gave us this story, however people feel about the execution. I thank them for their work, for creating such a beautiful nuanced pair of characters.

I don’t know, right now, if I’ll be back for season seven. That will depend on the story they decide to tell and whether Emilie ends up being part of it in some way. At the moment, I can’t see myself coming back after the finale, which I hope and feel will provide some happiness for the characters I love so much, some closure to their story that satisfies me, should I decide not to return.

I do know one thing, though. I will always love RumBelle and they will always be part of me now, no matter what I do. They have inspired me to write again, and I love them so dearly for that. I have had endless hours of enjoyment writing stories about these characters, and I would not have missed out on that for the world!

I’ll still be writing. As long as my muse is so inspired, I will write for RumBelle, and even if I stop writing them one day, I will take the characters with me as inspiration for other things that I hope to be able to share.

And I’ll still be around. Maybe not as active (because I won’t be writing so much speculation or meta!), and maybe I’ll drift into other things too, but I will always be a RumBeller and a Oncer, and I will always have time to share my love of the show and my favourite characters with people.

I’ve made some lovely friends through a shared love of RumBelle. You know who you are. Thank you for your friendship: I know it will continue.

I have loved RumBelle. I will always love RumBelle. Nothing will change that.

It’s forever, dearie.

The ultimate OTP Advent Calendar

This is an advent calendar for the OTP’s of me and my friends. Odd numbers are Marvel OTP’s and even numbers are for other OTP’s.
So everyday you’ll get a drawing and a story, that you can find below :) x

Day 01 - Stony
Day 02 - Drarry
Day 03 - Winterwidow
Day 04 - Superbat
Day 05 - Les Hawkeyes
Day 06 - Destiel
Day 07 - Clintasha
Day 08 - Johnlock
Day 09 - Frostiron
Day 10 - The Impossibles
Day 11 - Science Bro’s
Day 12 - Merthur

Keep reading

New Plan (chapter 3)

Megamind/Roxanne

M rating, pre-movie AU

Since Megamind made Roxanne miss her appointment to get her hair trimmed, it’s his fault that her hair keeps falling in her face. And since her hands are tied, it’s not like she can pin her hair back herself. So obviously, as she points out, it’s Megamind’s responsibility to do it for her…which would be a dream come true, if he could just. figure out. how to work a bobby pin…

 AO3  |  FFN


Megamind stares at Roxanne.

actually.

stares is….

…probably not a strong enough word.

boggles.

Yes. Megamind boggles at Roxanne.

It’s most likely not his most visually appealing expression, because Roxanne sort of flinches and her eyes flick away from his face before darting back.

“Um,” she says, “It’s—it’s okay if you don’t want to date me, obviously; it’s not something that you need to feel pressured about, and even if you don’t, the—” she gives him an uncertain smile that trembles slightly around the edges, “—the seduction thing is—still definitely an option—”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hello, Femme. I'm a big fan of your writing. Thank you for those gorgeous stories of yours that make me feel and think and understand. Regrettably, in my country there is very high level of homophobia and intolerance towards queer people in society. I seriously doubt that will ever change. One can hardly meet a queer person here - not because they are non-existent, but because they are in a closet for life. Your writing helps and supports me very much. Thank you.

Oh, my dear Nonny, I just want to wrap you in a huge hug right now, and I am so very moved by your comment. It means the world to me to be able to support you in any way I can, believe me. I know a bit of what it’s like to be closeted by society, how very lonely and unhappy that can be.

I know that I am incredibly lucky and privileged right now to live in a community that accepts my relationship with my wife. I didn’t have that for a long time. I grew up in a very repressive, very homophobic environment and didn’t come out to anyone else until my late twenties. To be honest, it was fandom that allowed me to do so–I found a safe space to be queer here online, a space where no one hurt me or hated me for being gay. I came out to fandom around 2003ish, but I stayed in the closet in my day-to-day life for quite a long time after that. I’ve only been living a mostly openly queer life since 2012 when Noe and I started dating–and I still have an entire branch of my extended family who doesn’t know I’m queer–or even married!–because, as much as I might love them, they’re horribly, viciously homophobic. Sometimes it’s not safe (emotionally, physically, however) to be open with people. (It’s been a struggle, but my immediate family has come to terms with who I am, so change does happen–there is that hope. I’ve seen it myself.)

I am so sorry you have to deal with closeting, with homophobia, with intolerance. I wish the world was not this way. I wish people weren’t afraid of us, didn’t hate us the way they sometimes do. I wish it was safe for us to walk down the street as openly as straight people do. I wish the world would let us love and be loved.

Nonny, I know it’s hard, but I want you to know you are cherished and safe here in this space. Come sit next to me in this little virtual community and let me hug you because you’re one of ours, and you are protected here. We will surround you, we will support you, we will love you. And even if it’s just all of us wrapping you in our stories for a brief respite from the realities of the world around you, I hope you know you are not alone. You will never truly be alone. We have your back.

So much love to you. So, so much.

all right one you had to go and say something fucking stupid and now i’m mad

the fact this has 5k notes is fucking gross. 

writer’s don’t owe you shit

i don’t know what’s up with tumblr or at least people on this fucking hell site who think that writers and directors and others owe them shit because they don’t

they don’t owe you fanserivce. they don’t owe you a ship. they don’t owe you fucking anything. and the fact that you think that the person who pours their own soul and heart into these things owe you shit, and that they need to read fanfiction of their own god damn work so they can give you ‘exactly what you want’ is fucking BULLSHIT and it makes you look like spoiled, ungrateful children.

have you all forgotten what fucking fanfiction means? it’s fiction, for the FANS, created by FANS. the original creator isn’t going to give you want you want. it’s not their responsibility to give you what you want. hell, fanfiction writers THEMSELVES don’t owe you a god damn thing. when someone writes a story, whether it be original or fanfic, they’re creating it bc they wanted too and they had this idea and they’re writing shit that they want their characters to go through.

just bc you don’t like it doesn’t mean they have to change it, or that they even SHOULD change it. again, THATS WHY THERE’S FANFICTION. fanfiction will never be canon. fanfiction should not be read and be taken as canon.

writer’s and directors shouldn’t have to read fanfiction in order to ‘please the fans’

even if they did that, they still wouldn’t be able to please all of you! they can’t have eggsy/harry and eggsy/roxy and eggsy/merlin in one fucking movie. it’s not possible. even IF they read fanfic, and did it according to ‘your standards’, a lot of you would STILL be leaving unhappy bc you didn’t get what you wanted.

writers can’t please you and you just need to fucking accept it. that’s why fanfiction exists.

also, do you not understand how incredibly insulting that is? ‘hi yes your canon and writing isn’t good enough for me give me what i want’???? i think all of you like to forget that the characters we create and write about are our fucking children and idk abt most writers but i am not someone who’s going to give up my characters and their stories and the plots i have for them easily.

i want my characters to do and be who i want them to be. there’s nothing you can say that will make me change that. and if you have a problem with it, then … write fanfiction??? the literal thing that is meant to give you what you want???? 

tldr; writers and directors don’t owe you shit. that’s what fanfic is fucking for. 

3 years ago,

I was starting my senior year of high school.  I was insecure, unhappy with who I was, and had no idea where I was going.  I used up all of my energy trying to make other people happy, trying to make other people like me, and trying to stop the world around me from changing so incredibly quickly.

It sounds so cliche to say this, but right when I thought I would never get out of where I was, I got an email.  You know the rest of the story.  I met a beautiful, kind soul who told me that I had to love myself first, because I am the only permanent thing that I have, the only thing I can count on at the end of every. single. day.

Those words play through my mind day in and day out.  There isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not so incredibly grateful for those few moments where I felt so incredibly known and understood.  

It hasn’t all been easy since then, but here’s a quick little journey.

I moved to Nashville.

I got really, really homesick.  A lot.

I pushed through being homesick and made the best friends I’ve ever had.

And, while I was at it, I lost some of the best friends I’ve ever had.

I packed up everything and traveled Central Europe for a month, despite my fear of planes.

I met the love of my life in the baggage claim in Sofia, Bulgaria.

I developed an intense obsession with coffee.

I didn’t get the internship that I thought was my dream and ended up with 2 that were way better than the one I didn’t get.  Not all plans are meant to come to fruition.

I learned to take care of myself.  

I learned that standing up for yourself is the most powerful thing you can do.  And I learned that, at the end of the day, I have myself and I love myself, and that’s all that matters.

@taylorswift, thank you.  That night, you changed the entire course of my life.  Thank you for showing up time and time again when I need you most, and for always bravely pushing forwards.  You are a force to be reckoned with, and I cannot wait to see where you go next.

Honesty, Transparency & Change

I have spent weeks trying to draft a post that is shorter, has less depth and is easier to read. For those of you who have been here for some time, you will know that I have an awfully long-winded way of expressing myself because I don’t want there to be any misunderstanding between myself and the others I’m addressing. For those of you who don’t know this, grab a blanket and get comfortable because you’re going to be here for a while.

The content of this post might confuse some of you, it might anger others… All I’m asking is that everyone reads it and does their best to respect and understand our positions and my thoughts. You don’t have to agree with me and you certainly don’t have to like what has been written. What I’m hoping is that some of the group will be able to sit back and see where we’re coming from… From experience on Lanford, one of the keys to being a successful admin is to be as open and honest with the people you’re interacting with. This is what I’m going to try and do in this post. Beneath the cut is an important message for you all, please read it carefully and take on board everything that I’ve said.

DISCLAIMER: This isn’t a goodbye message, it’s nothing of the sort. Lanford isn’t going anywhere as long as you’re all here and even then, it will probably still exist in the background.

READ PART 2 HERE!

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

a person can only fake so much happiness. this is what i want to preach to mi/arren shippers. i can agree, with regret ofc, that true- there may be some pictures where d looks happy with her. but others?not at all. not even unhappy can be used fo describe his face in other pictures. i would go so far as to say miserable. Ofc we can be reading into it too much, but its clear. it doesnt matter if you believe in CC or not. we dont know him personally, but we see what he shows us& thats unhappiness

Anon, something I have said a few times, but maybe not enough. Clearly, I believe in CC.  BUT if I found out that was not true, it would not change the facts and what i see.  D is a person living his public life in hell and as I quoted this morning from another anon it is a “fucking tragedy.” And the nightmare needs to end.  Because I don’t know how much longer he can emotionally handle this charade. 

And again, to emphasize, her exit and his coming out are two separate things and my strong desire to have her out of his life is for his well being.  The latter will happen when and if he is ready.

I absolutely agree that he is a person who looks like he is being tortured in least 90%, of the photos he takes with her. 

And let’s talk about one recent “good” one (I put good in quotes as it is in comparison to the others so good to me is relative). On the red carpet for that FX show in February. They managed to get a few decent shots. But then we got a video that I don’t think he realized was being recorded of his reaction immediately after the photos were taken where he mocked the process and indicated he was done. That video erased the legitimacy of those photos and told the truth about the situation.

So I would guess, and clearly I don’t know him either or what is going on in his head, the few “genuine” photos are in moments when he can muster the second it takes to smile. Plus we don’t know what is said prior to force him to comply.

But there is not question when taken as a group, and we have an incredibly large sample size, probably 1000s, that in the overwhelming majority, his face, his body language, and the way he closes himself off to her tell the story.  He is a man who is incredibly unhappy.  

And the photos from this weekend, and i think this may be the 10th time i am saying this, are the most horrifying of the lot.  As a set they speak volumes.  He did not even try to hide his misery while complying with the required tasks.  She just changed her pic to one of them and my immediate though is she has no shame.  To post a pic where it is evident that the person does not want to engage with you physically, is clearly unhappy, and is only doing it to meet a contractual obligation shows just how vile of a person she is.

And how any one sees this as “goals” or “willing” is truly not looking at the photos and videos.  Because it is not just that he is not smiling.  He entire persona exudes the fact this he is disgusted.  

And those that see these goals are failing to see D.  Or maybe, in reality, it is not a failure but a refusal to see the real D as that image does not fulfill their fantasies.

The whole thing is heartbreaking.  And I cannot imagine how frustrating it must be to him to have to continue to cater to people who don’t want to accept reality.

Alternate romance idea for MacCready

Because I am altogether very unhappy with how the MacCready romance ended.

Let’s pretend for a moment that, some time after the Sole Survivor helps MacCready get the medicine for his son, Duncan, and after the touching moment they shared where MacCready gifted his little wooden soldier to the Sole Survivor, the Sole Survivor is just incredibly touched by this show of trust from someone who started out hating their guts as much as MacCready did. Let’s face it, MacCready started out being so incredibly guarded and cold to the Sole Survivor. Not just on a professional level, but also because he had such terrible luck with the Gunners and THEN setting up shop in Goodneighbor of all places. He was probably wary of almost everyone at that point. You can’t blame him for ultimately becoming so bitter and jaded against the world… but after opening up to the Sole Survivor, he felt much happier and more at peace.

Imagine the Sole Survivor just being absolutely fucked up about what MacCready told them about what happened to Lucy, though. How she was killed, and that the story behind the toy soldier that MacCready had given to them as a gift. The thought of MacCready doubting whether he and Duncan should have survived that attack or not keeping them up at night, and it just slowly eats away at them until they decide they have to do something to remedy this.

Let’s also say that the reason that Duncan never comes around in Fallout 4 is because of those damn caps that MacCready finds so important. Yeah, MacCready is a greedy little shit and all, but there are other reasons why he wanted to make as many as he could at almost any cost. What if he was saving up to hire someone to bring Duncan over to the Commonwealth once he also saved up enough to get a place to live out there, too. It was his idea to get a fresh start for the two of them, away from all the ghosts that haunt them… or rather, the ghouls.

So, what Sole Survivor does is they build them and MacCready a nice house at whatever settlement they spend the most time in together, knowing that MacCready likes that one the best. Perhaps because of the scenery, or how close it is to centers of trade (therefore, a good place to make some quick caps if any traders or hired guns need anything taken care of….) but they don’t tell MacCready about it. Maybe they take Preston out to help them build the house, since Preston was always a great guy (and a guy who owed them DEARLY for sending them out on so many missions to help so many stupid fucking settlements). They wanted it to be a surprise, of course.

One day, MacCready gets this incredible surprise when they head over to the settlement with the new house. There is a caravan that rolls into town about the same time as MacCready and the Sole Survivor do, and, sitting in one of the carts on one of the ghoul traders’ laps (a friend of Daisy’s, of course.) is a little baby Duncan. Well, he’s not so much of a baby anymore (I will admit to not having a clue what age Duncan is). He’s more of a toddler now. MacCready is just blown away to see his son again, but the surprises don’t stop there.

The traders set Duncan on the ground and point to MacCready and tell him “Look, Duncan. That’s you’re daddy…! Go see him…!! He’s been waiting to see how big you’ve gotten…!”

MacCready just holds his breath and watches with big, watery eyes as Duncan turns on unsteady feet to look at MacCready. Duncan suddenly breaks into a big smile and carefully waddles over to MacCready’s open arms. With tears in his eyes, MacCready scoops up his son and hugs him tightly. Somehow, he knows by the look on the Sole Survivor’s face that they were responsible for all of this. He wants to thank them, but he can’t. His throat is just too choked up to talk right now. He doesn’t want to cry.

Poor MacCready just can’t seem to cut a break, though. The Sole Survivor leads their new family inside the well decorated house (full of wasteland style and fully furnished to look absolutely homey), and into a bedroom… all those tears MacCready was fighting so hard to keep in just spill over when he sees that it has been filled with toys for Duncan. This is so much more than he’d ever expected to give to his son. He and Lucy weren’t particularly well off, so they couldn’t really afford many toys for Duncan, but here…. The Sole Survivor has also scavenged at least five different kinds of teddy bears, toy trucks and cars and rockets… an ENTIRE alphabet block set, and their old “You Are Special” book meant for Shaun… and the crib that the Sole Survivor and their old partner had made together… all of Shaun’s old world belongings that were still in good condition. MacCready just stands there, holding Duncan tightly as he cries, and the Sole Survivor holds him comfortingly, reassuring him that they are a family now and nothing is going to come between them.

New Life Tarot Spread

With Ostara coming up in just 5 days (March 20th), I thought it was the perfect time to share a spread that has everything to do with new beginnings! Read on to see the spread and how my reading for myself went. If you do this reading for yourself, post and tag “LLnewlife” so I can see!

1. What do I want out of life? (5 of Cups) I wish to learn to be more accepting of how things are. I would like to not obsess over the negative things I cannot change.

2. What do I want to experience? (7 of Wands) I would like to experience acceptance of things I cannot change while also learning how to stand up for myself and insist on being treated fairly in situations that I can change.

3. What am I willing to change? (The Hermit) I’m willing to take a step back, and really look at my own opinions about things and myself, and try to not put so much stock in what others think about me or my actions. This might sometimes mean doing things that make others disappointed or unhappy, which is incredibly difficult for me, but I realize this is a necessary change.

4. What brings meaning to my experience? (7 of Pentacles) Time. Effort. I’m an incredibly impatient person, but by allowing myself to take my time with things and not rush them, I will be able to uncover and take more meaning from my experiences and more pride in the life I create.

5. What empowering belief to I need to incorporate? (Strength) I have the ability (and the responsibility) to control my own life. I cannot let a fear of imperfection or what others may think hold me back. I have the right intentions, and I need to trust my gut.

6. How can I work less and achieve more? (6 of Swords) I must give myself time to heal and care for myself, and learn to not be so hard on myself. Putting myself in a pressure cooker only makes things more difficult and overwhelming for me.

7. What is my unexpected result if I change? (Ace of Wands) Every area of my life will change for the better, not just one or two. Especially, I will feel more inspired, more creative, and more capable of pursuing and fulfilling my goals.

Spread from Sasha Graham’s 365 Tarot Spreads

captainthane  asked:

Nope Evie I know what you are doing and nope you don't need to look like her. You are already a beautiful young woman with a strong and awesome personality ^^. You are a cute person. Don't start to think the opposite. By the way, your video was just outstanding and incredible. The feels were real !

It’s not that I’m demoralising myself. I’m just admitting that she’s a very pretty person and I wouldn’t be unhappy if I did look like her xD But I’m happy how i am :D 

And thank you x3 I like making feels xD *hug* 

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Pictures | 15K Follower Special <3

I honestly don’t know what I can say, I’ve reached 15K Followers. Thank you all, it means so much to know that so many people follow my blog, that so many people are interested in my CrossDressing. I know a lot of you like to CrossDress too, you may be public, have your own blog, or even be ‘in the closet’. To be honest I don’t see any reason why we should have to ‘come out’, I think CrossDressing shouldn’t be viewed as it is… or as we think it is. I’m sure the world is opening up to the idea of it more and more as the days go by. So don’t be afraid to be yourself, some people say “be the change you want to see in the world” and for some of us this isn’t easy as we are worried about what our families may think, or we know that they will frown upon it. Which I see no reason why they should, after all we are not harming anyone by dressing up as a girl or guy. If people want you to be happy I don’t see why they should have any problem with you CrossDressing, especially if you are unhappy not having the freedom to CrossDress.

It brings me great pleasure to know that I am of such a huge inspiration to many of you following my blog, thank you all for following and I hope to continue to inspire and motivate you for many years to come <3