i am having all the feelings right now

LIVEBLOG STARTING NOW

First off, I want to sincerely apologize for my absence. I’ll probably explain a little more in detail (I feel like I owe you guys at least that), but for now I’m ready to liveblog!

Garent’s Universe! I am SO ready!!!

STEVEN THAT IS SO DANGEROUS. YOU’RE LUCKY YOU HAVE SUPERHEROS FOR MOTHERS.

Also, whatchya got there, Garnet? Obviously a bubbled gem, but why does she still  have it? She usually sends them into the temple right away…

Omg nevermind, that looked like so much fun. I would totally climb on the rafters all the time if it meant I got to bounce around on Garnets soft, springy hair

“Tiny hands…. My only weakness”
THIS IS SO ADORABLE I’M GONNA CRY

I need an Annalise x Tegan fic right away. I feel like I can even get over Bonnalise somehow if they give me that. I’ve been attacked, It happened so fast. I am losing myself over this show. Bonnalise is so so important, I’ll forever ship Evalise, I love the idea of Annalise x Frank, I like Annalise and Soraya together they have so much chemistry and now Annalise x Tegan… Both are fierce and I can’t imagine anything hotter than this. The other relationships are all so emotional, toxic, complicated, or something. But this one is nothing but hot right now. 

Anyway we’re gonna get Bonnalise backstory next week and I am excited. The episode called “I love her”. I can’t even.

So I dabble with Tarot cards. And in all the readings I have ever done, I could never get the deck to give me a clear answer on me or my life or even specific questions I asked it.

I haven’t touched my Tarot cards in YEARS but today I thought it might be interesting to ask them something specific to how I am feeling right now.

It not only was scary accurate to how I am feeling and what is going on with me, it gave me some gentle reassurance that everything was going to be alright. And some other stuff that I really needed to hear that I didn’t even know I needed to hear.

I’m…I have chills right now…

[ My apologies for my inactivity (I feel like I say that a lot). Lately I have been kinda in an art funk, not feeling as confident in my works and such. I am just drawing whatever comes to mind right now, but I promise I will get back to things since the event is coming up ^^ Thank you all for your support and patience. ]

I’m honestly surprised I haven’t deleted yet. Full truth? Thought I would have done it by now.

But I also have over 40,000 posts on here and I greatly disagree with the complete destruction of history like that (not in a keep monuments of racists up sort of way, but in a burning of the Library of Alexandria sort of way) on a deep level. Sure, would I get some sort of sick satisfaction destroying everything right now? Totally. I’d feel all powerful. Ten years from now? I would never forgive myself.

I am still surprised nonetheless. With the amount of bitching I do on here, you’d think I’d have jumped ship long ago. What can I say? I’m always wondering what tomorrow will bring.

Since November, more than two dozen women - of all ages, but mostly in their twenties - had approached me in restaurants, theaters, and stores to apologize for not voting or for not doing more to help my campaign. I responded with forced smiles and tight nods. On one occasion, an older woman dragged her adult daughter over by the arm to come talk to me and ordered her to apologize for not voting - which she did, head bowed in contrition. I wanted to stare right in her eyes and say ‘You didn’t vote? How could you note vote?! You abdicated your responsibility as a citizen at the worst possible time! And now you want *me* to make *you* feel better?’ Of course I didn’t say any of that.
These people were looking for absolution that I just couldn’t give. We all have to live with the consequences of our decisions.

Hillary Rodham Clinton, “What Happened”

I am sorry :(

I know I will lose a lot of followers for this personal post. I know that people don’t care about my life. It’s okay :(

I really wanted to post lots of amazing photos of my time here in Japan, especially the Ghibli stuffs. But just days in to my lifelong dream of being here, I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me :’( It has been devastating for me and I feel so lost and alone :( It’s hard to be on the other side of the world on your own, trying to cope with such a loss. It’s been 5 days with almost no food and no sleep :( I just feel sick and scared all of the time.

I am so sorry for posting this here. I just feel so lonely right now :( I have lost everything. Please help me :(

2

folkin’ around // panic! at the disco

TBT: a journey

About two months ago I was hate-watching the finale of Pretty Little Liars because I started watching it as a joke and got roped in by gays and murder and Troian Bellisario’s voice. Anyway there was this preview for this show and these 3 chicks were screaming at a subway.  And I wasn’t sure what was going on…Cosmo? That chick from Faking It? Cute black girl? Some white chick with a bougie name like Sutton? No thanks.

And then there was a preview during the PLL finale where they were talking with the chick from Faking It about orgasms.  And the other white girl and her black friend were being funny and the white girl had this line “Loving the can-do spirit!” And it made me chuckle.  So then when PLL ended I was like “eh…what the hell”.

And then I realized wait, these 3 chicks are super supportive of each other? And feel like real friends?

Oh and bougie Sutton is actually super relatable and hilarious, but also just really hardworking.

Oh and there was this boss, who is the chick from The Office, and when you think she’s just going to be a Devil Wears Prada rip off she’s actually really supportive of her staff and inspiring? 

And all of a sudden I’m just…What the hell am I watching? Why does this feel so rare and why am I smiling?

Oh wait…and then there was a LESBIAN MUSLIM RABBIT HOLE.  

And this character Adena, and Kat, and Kat doesn’t know if she likes girls. 

And all of a sudden I’m crying because this hits so close to home. And then she has a revelation at a gosh dang SOUL CYCLE class and it’s so absurd yet feels the most real any scene I’ve ever seen and it’s paired with Sutton negotiating a salary?! And I’m watching this nonsense and screaming: WHAT IS THIS GEM OF A SHOW!!!

And then some drama happened and Tiny Jany (because that’s what we call her because she’s tiny) might have a BRCA gene and she just sobs and I am sobbing with her. And they all get in a bathtub together and it’s the cutest goddamn scene ever.

Oh and then Kadena (because that’s what they’re called now because I just dove right into the trash of shipping this shit so hard) have the type of angst and slow burn that normally the straight whites have.  And they have this drawn out ROMANCE. That usually only happens in movies!

And they have the epic airport goodbyes, and the slow sex scene (in an airport).  
And now I’m this grown ass woman in her 20s with like a grown up job going…WHAT TYPE OF DARK MAGIC IS THIS SHOW AND WHY AM I SO SHOCKED THAT THIS IS ON TV BECAUSE IT’S LITERALLY SO NORMAL AND BEAUTIFUL AND I FEEL SO UNDERSTOOD.

Because Kat not knowing how to label herself is real. And Kat being terrified of relationships is real.  And Tiny Jane living the dream but still wanting more for herself and to take risks is real. And Sutton Brady is just the realest character out there.

I regret nothing from that random decision a few months ago. 

You see the hard part about being a woman in a society dominated by men is that men think that they get to decide what is harmful and what isn’t. They get to decide what is embarrassing, or scary, or oppressive, and what isn’t. Let’s take catcalling for example. Men would defend catcalling by saying things like, “It’s a compliment!” “She should be grateful!” “I didn’t mean any harm by it!’ Meanwhile, women would say something along the lines of, "It creeped me out.” “It made me feel violated and objectified.” “Why was he so determined to tell me how great my ass looks in that dress??” Now I’m sure this post could get many men responding by saying things like, “She shouldn’t have been wearing that if she didn’t want the attention.” “She was asking for it.” “I couldn’t control myself, she looked so hot.” If you can’t see the pattern here, I’ll spell it out for you. The responsibility is being passed on to the women, but only when men are forced to see that their “compliments” are harmful, and they don’t want them to be.
But what would happen if we flipped the script? Most men would tell you that they would feel honored and take it as a compliment. But guess what? It’s because they’ve never been in our position before. They’ve never had to. They think once they’ve had enough it would just stop and they’d be free to go on however they’d like. But for us it doesn’t stop. It never stops. It keeps going and going and we keep getting brushed aside, we keep getting told that we’re overreacting, that it’s not a big deal, but they’ve never been in our shoes. How could they know??
So there it is, ladies and gents. Men in our society feel so in control that they believe that they can decide what is dangerous/harmful/oppressive to women and what isn’t. So here’s the question I have for anyone who reads this post: If someone you loved were to come to you and tell you that what you were doing was hurting them and they wanted you to stop, how would you react? Would you tell them it was all in their head, or would you stop the activity? I am coming to all of you men out there, as a woman living in a male-dominated society, and I am telling you right here and right now. What you’re doing is hurting me. Please. Please stop. Please don’t brush me off as overdramatic. You’ve never been in a woman’s shoes. You’ve never heard the whistles, felt the eyes crawling all over your naked body, experienced the hands grabbing at you from all angles trying to cup a feel while you’re desperately trying to pry them off of you. Please stop. Use the power in your situation to change the situation for those who don’t have the kind of privilege that you do.

Insomnia starters
  • "It's nearly two in the morning, what are you doing up?"
  • "I'm pulling an all-nighter."
  • "I can't sleep."
  • "I'm having nightmares."
  • "Will you stay awake with me?"
  • "Why am I still awake?"
  • "I should've gone to bed by now, but..."
  • "I don't think I can sleep after that."
  • "It's past midnight, why are we still up?"
  • "Do you normally go this long without sleep?"
  • "God, I wish I could just pass out right about now."
  • "I'm an insomniac, this is just normal."
  • "I work best at night."
  • "It's that late already! But it feels so early..."
  • "Can we stay awake together?"
  • "Everything is prettier when everyone else is asleep."
  • "I like being the only person awake sometimes."
  • "Is it too late to go to bed, or should we wait for the morning?"
  • "I can't sleep - I've tried everything."
  • "Let's get you some sleeping pills."
  • "You should really get some rest."
  • "I don't want to fall asleep without you."
  • "I'll stay with you while you're up."
Carisi-centric thoughts on Ep 19x03

Yet another solid episode! This season is going to be a winner. Also, THE BARISI CORNER IS OFFICIALLY BACK :D

But first:

Overall Thoughts

OK, this wasn’t much to write home about, but it was more than serviceable. All three actresses were very good so they kept me engaged, the case was pleasantly twisty but not convoluted, Sonny had significant input as a lawyer (and I loved how Liv was all “we’ll follow Carisi’s suggestion!”) and Barba delivered a heated and eloquent closing argument. I enjoyed it.

Squad Thoughts

More sharing of personal information! I swear, Sonny and Fin have talked to each other more in these last two episodes than they did in the previous 3 2 seasons! And they didn’t need some random case-related segue, either. This week, they were just driving to a crime scene, and they were shooting the breeze on the way there. You know, like normal colleagues do. Like real people do. Not cardboard cutouts. Something small like that, something as silly as stealing candy as a little boy, it can breathe life into a scene which would otherwise be mundane.

The thing is, even when an episode is not as exciting, it’s still worth watching just to see our characters interacting and being friends. That’s what SVU seemed to have forgotten, and it’s also the key to making a watchable procedural. Let’s face it, all the cases have been done before (often by SVU itself, because it’s been on for a hundred years), but the team interactions can )and should) be enough to maintain the viewers’ interest. This season, it’s clear the team dynamics are being cultivated, instead of being ignored, and that makes me happy.

The Barisi Corner

WE’RE BACK.

Just like I hoped, it’s like S18 never happened. We’re back to the S17 Barisi dynamic of friendly teasing and inside jokes. In the deleted scene from the premiere, we got the classic “booyah, Fordham law” type of interaction, except in its advanced S17 form. Where in S16 Barba would be biting with his remarks, in S17 and in the 19x01 deleted scene he was just making a joke for the sake of a joke, because that’s what they do. Sonny tries to impress Barba, Barba is totally impressed, and then he makes a joke to pretend he’s not actually appreciative of Sonny’s input.

In this episode, we got an even more advanced interaction. We got Sonny making a smart legal observation not just to impress Barba, but because he wanted to contribute to the case. And, just like in S17, Barba was impressed, and then he used a joke not to diss Sonny, but to praise him.

See, there are two kinds of humorous Barisi interactions.

There’s “Sassy Sonny Tries to Impress Barba” which comes complete with Sonny’s dimples, and Sonny’s smirks, and Sonny’s cocky remarks like, “Oh, Rafael, are you mad you didn’t think about it first?” This type of Barisi interaction always ends with a Barba side-eye and a snarky comeback. When Barba knows that Sonny is flaunting, he’s always quick to shut it down. That’s the joke. Sonny starts blathering on about a hypothetical argument, just to show off his legal skillz, and Barba is amused, but he also acknowledges the alterior motive, i.e. Sonny’s desire to get Barba’s approval.

But then there’s “Dedicated Sonny Tries to Crack the Case” which comes with Sonny’s frown and Sonny’s desire to get justice, and Sonny’s casual use of legal terminology like “obfuscated.” This type of Barisi interaction always ends with Barba subtly praising Sonny, using a joke to cover up a genuine compliment. When Barba knows that Sonny is trying to be helpful, he’s always quick to encourage it. That’s Barba’s favorite thing. Seeing Sonny creatively solving a legal problem with no ulterior motive. Sure, their games are fun, and they’ve been fun for 3 2 seasons now, but at the end of the day they’re both trying to get justice, and Barba loves it when Sonny focuses on their work.

That’s the thing. Both Sonny and Barba have evolved. Sonny used to thirst for Barba’s approval, early on, in S16, but soon after that he found his confidence, and his footing, and his place on the team. He still tries to show off for Barba, because it’s fun, but that’s no longer his main motivator when he speaks legalese. Sonny isn’t a law student looking to get that A, he’s a lawyer looking to get that D. And his actions and words have come to reflect that. Now he doesn’t just state the obvious as Barba jokes “save it for night school.” Now, Sonny has original ideas which can actually help SVU.

And Barba, who treated Sonny so condescendingly at first, Barba has come to see the change in Sonny as well. The humorous element of their interactions persists, because Barba is a snarky bastard, but now those same interactions are loaded with respect. With friendship. With flirtation. Barba is no longer dismissive of Sonny, and hasn’t been for a long while. Barba sees Sonny as a useful presence in the squad, with legal knowledge the other cops don’t possess, and it’s clear he welcomes Sonny’s observations. It’s right there in his smile smirk. Barba is willing to listen, and he’s even willing to entertain the notion that Sonny just might think of something he didn’t, which is beautiful to see :’)

Barisi Hopes

Now all I want is that other type of S17 interaction, the quiet support. Sonny always supported Barba in tougher moments, like the death threats (what death threats lol?), or a trial gone wrong, but Barba also supported Sonny, especially during that Catholic Church case, as we all remember. I’m loving the new showrunner’s tendency to use humor to display the bonds between our characters, it’s just the perfect thing to balance out the grim nature of the cases, but I’d love to see some more muted, more emotional moments between them (between all of them, but Barba/Carisi especially, lol). We have an entire season ahead, so there’s still plenty of time. I’ll be waiting.

For now, I’m just happy the classic Barisi dynamic is back.

I’ve said it time and time again, and I don’t even mean romantically (that’s what fic is for). Those two characters, Barba and Carisi, they have a dynamic that’s gold. Clashing personalities (Sonny is dorkier, Barba is more sarcastic), contrasting temperaments (Sonny is sunnier, Barba is a little more bitter), common interests (the law), a reluctant mentor-mentee relationship (which has evolved now that the student is no longer a student, though he’s far from being a master), a constant willingness to joke back-and-forth (which keeps building up their relationship and strengthens their bond), fundamental differences which breed a potential for unexpectedly emotional moments (“I admire your…”, because Sonny is an openly affectionate person, and Barba and his wide eyes tend to shy away from affection), it’s all there.

Good writing, plus a willingness to explore that bond, plus the natural ease Peter and Raul have with each other as actors, plus Sonny’s sweetness and Barba’s sass = television gold. And Barisi gold :’)

Yummy Thoughts

Barba was flirting. End of story. Textbook “there is no heterosexual explanation for this.” And I’m grateful.

Barba Thoughts

I’ve always said it, I prefer seeing “shrewd legal mind” Barba instead of “slave to his emotions” Barba, but the latter sure is fun to watch. That closing was intense, and you could see that Raul really dug his teeth into those lines.  I mean, damn. It’s not every week that he gets to really show off, with more than an eyebrow raise or a smirk, but when he does, wow.  I was just thinking, they rarely let Raul have a legitimate monologue, even though he’s a lawyer and theoretically we could be watching his opening and/or closing arguments every week. This episode tells me that the writers might be saving those moments, and using them sparingly, so they’ll have more of an impact. And I think they’re right.

That said, I wonder if we’ll be seeing a focus on Barba’s more emotional side, to better juxtapose him to the upcoming ADA, who’ll be more black-and-white and (I’m assuming) less emotional. If so, this was a smart way to start doing that. In this episode, we still saw how smart Barba was, but we also saw a passion we don’t often see from him. I’m assuming Barba and Peter Stone will clash on more than their positions, they’ll clash on philosophy, as well, and I hope this was an example of that. We have to see the “new” (but old) Barba, he has to be established first, under the new showrunner’s reign, and then we can be introduced to Stone, and see what they have in common and what they’ll never agree on.

Stray Thoughts

Just like I thought, last week’s dramatic ending (and Sonny’s potential subsequent trauma) was not directly referenced. It may come up again in the future, but again, as I said in last week’s post, this is classic Original L&O stuff, a self-contained dramatic episode which ends and is never mentioned again. L&O in its earlier seasons was much less serialized, and I think the new showrunner is bringing that back. I don’t mind it.

Another thing I didn’t mind? Flirty Sonny using his masculine wiles to cozy up to that witness and get her to help. Now that’s how you use your assets :D

“CONFIRMED.” I love Fin.

That old high school pic? I love that NBC employs people who have a passion for graphic design :’)

More background on Sonny’s family! The show remembers he has a niece! His mom used to cover for him for childhood shenanigans! He went to confession for stealing candy! Classic Carisi material. And continuity galore. This is the Sonny we know and love.

Amanda dismissively saying “pills, booze” to judge a woman who was on prescribed anxiety meds and enjoyed, like, a beer? Never change, Amanda. actually, please change (that said, yay for continuity!)

What a waste of Annabeth Gish.

So Brooke Shields is the grandma? Wasn’t that what everyone guessed? I was trying to come up with other guesses because I actually believed them when they said “no one has guessed who she’ll play”. Oh well. That said, she looked amazing, and I’ve always liked her. It’ll be nice to have someone with a (seemingly) kinder demeanor fighting against Liv. Not a criminal or a lawyer, you know? We haven’t seen that before.

Amanda and Liv’s jackets keep slaying my existence every week.

WHY DIDN’T WEE SONNY’S REACTION TO “YUMMY”???? HUH???? WHERE IS THAT CLOSE-UP OF HIS SMIRKY DIMPLY LIL’ FACE???

Did I write more than 900 words of this post about a 5-second Barisi interaction? HELL YEAH I DID :D

After Words

Summary: Bookshop AU. Reader finds a book with some handwritten notes inside and sets out to find the person responsible.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 6,690

Warnings: language, fluff, mentions of anxiety, one mention of PTSD, mentions of mental health issues, I love italicizing things, and I make fun of people calling other people snowflakes

A/N: This is for @whotheeffisbucky​‘s AU Writing Challenge. Thanks for letting me participate! Sorry if it’s a mess!

Originally posted by leafierleaf

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One Year Later: Moving and Life Issues, and why the game was delayed.

Hey everyone. Today marks the anniversary of moving out on my own to California. And as many of you may notice, I haven’t been all too active since I left, save for the fan game and its trailers. And while the trailer was a big success, something has been haunting me for nearly a year now, and I have to address it if I want to get better and actually update more consistently again.

I had always stated it was just because I was focusing on the game, but its a bit more than that. And, well, I’m in a bad place once again for it. 

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#omegaverse #mutual-pining #angst

Prompts: @fiftypurpleroses
Author: @queenofthyme

It comes out of absolutely nowhere. One moment Harry is sitting in Charms class, innocently focusing on the lesson, the next he’s fantasizing in great detail about fucking Draco Malfoy.

All his senses are honed into Malfoy, sitting two rows ahead of him. And look, it’s not like Harry hasn’t thought about it before, but not like this. Not so strongly that he can’t think of anything else. Not so wildly that he wouldn’t be opposed to doing it in the middle of the class, students and teacher be damned.

Malfoy is squirming in his seat, restlessly fidgeting, and Harry isn’t sure how, but he can tell Malfoy is aroused as well. Can tell the bead of sweat dripping down the back of Malfoy’s red neck is a sign of it. Can tell that Malfoy would certainly be open to a mid-class fucking. Except how can he know that? It must all be wishful thinking, a product of his own arousal.

Although when Malfoy excuses himself and strides past Harry to the door, there’s no mistaking the lustful stare directed Harry’s way, or the smell of Malfoy’s arousal. The smell? What the fuck.

Harry quickly excuses himself, not even bothering to come up with a reason, and follows Malfoy out into the corridor, all his senses on fire. Malfoy is waiting for him, pacing the hallway, his eyes filling with heat as Harry approaches.

Without thinking, Harry grabs hold of Malfoy and slams him against the wall, ready to ravish him completely, right here in the open. But a tiny glimmer of fear shows in Malfoy’s eyes amongst his arousal and the charm is broken.

Harry takes a step back, blinking. What was he just about to do? “Sorry. I didn’t mean to – “

Malfoy laughs humourlessly, cutting Harry off. “Harry Potter is an alpha. Of fucking course. I was supposed to be an alpha.”

“An alpha?” Harry repeats. His brain is foggy from suppressing his arousal. “What are you talking about?”

“How do I even explain? It’s – look, you’re an alpha. The top dog. The lead. The dominant one,” he says resentfully. “I’m, well, I don’t know what I am now.” He slumps back up against the wall.

Harry still doesn’t quite understand. But he can hardly see how his “alpha” status, whatever it is, has any influence on Malfoy’s. “Can’t you be an alpha too?” He asks.

Malfoy rolls his eyes at Harry’s naivety. “We can’t both be alphas.”

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how does one not get stressed

Where we’re sitting at the poker table

What if it’s significant in some way?

So we’re sitting directly across from Mark, right? And on Mark’s right is the Detective, on his left is the Butler.

Who’s on either side of us?

Damien and the Colonel.

Damien is probably on our left, his right, since we’re his right-hand, close friend, district attorney to his mayor. Which leaves the Colonel on our right.

Damien and the Colonel aren’t on the best of terms, so we’re sitting between them. Mark and the Colonel aren’t friends, so Tyler is sitting between them. The Colonel isn’t sitting directly across from Mark, probably to keep animosity between the two of them down as much as possible.

The Detective is directly across from the Colonel. The Colonel doesn’t seem to get along with anyone, as we can see in the drunk montage, so no matter where he sits, or who he’s looking at or not looking at, he’s going to get himself in trouble.

Maybe this is why the Detective is sitting across from the Colonel. He wants to keep the Colonel from hurting anyone, and if he does, to try to keep it aimed at himself.

We and the Butler are sitting right next to the Colonel, probably because the Colonel has little to no reason to dislike us (especially since we literally just met him), and if he becomes enraged he’s less likely to attack either of us when Mark is so close.

Now, to Damien’s left is the Detective. Maybe because the Detective trusts the Mayor? At least enough to not worry about sitting right next to him.

The Detective and the Butler are on either side of Mark. Because they’re currently in his employment? The two people who currently work for the same employer (not including the chef of course), sitting on the same side as their employer, while their employer’s estranged friends sit together on the other side of the table.

And we, Damien, and the Colonel are estranged friends. None of us have seen Mark in some time (maybe even years), while the Detective, the Butler, and the Chef have been in often to constant contact with him.

Anyway, that’s all I can think of right now. If anyone wants to add to this, use this for anything, feel free. And I’m gonna tag some people who might want to see.

@lum1natrix @markired @antisepticdark @endlcss-possibilities @gravitykaz @markiplitessepticeyes @i-am-a-fan