i am going to take a break for a bit but i have a queue of stuff i never posted

anonymous asked:

You used to be realy active and nice and freindly, and now it seems like you only reblog art and talk to your blogger freinds who you write MEL with. You ignor asks and you ignor fandom memes. What happened to suporting smaller bloggers? What hapened to you? Its like you got populer and just forgot about your old friends.

Hi Anon-

TBH, this message took me by surprise.

Let me try and unpack your Ask a bit because I feel like perhaps I hurt feelings or did something wrong unintentionally. I also could go into all the things happening in my life on the other side of this screen, but you don’t need a bio (and I don’t think I should have to write one either).

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Honestly there is no point in making this post since it’s like I’ve never been online, but instead of coming online and stealthily queueing things up and talking to peeps, there’s going to be radio silence from me. So if my queue runs out, you’ll know and (hopefully) you won’t freak out. 

Originally posted by welcometoyouredoom

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Word Count: 1470

Genre: fluff, a bit of angst, very very domestic parent!phan

Warnings: denied adoption (not explicitly mentioned, but strongly hinted at)


Thomas knows something’s up with his parents. They had forgotten his bedtime story the last few days, so he goes to their room to ask for one, and is instead confronted with the sight of his Papa comforting a crying Dan.

A/N Don’t worry, this has a happy ending, I promise.

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Project  Clean Up ( C.U) a.k.a See you 

So lately  I’ve been noticing that my lifestyle has been pretty crappy.
I missed so many days in school since I caught a cold 3 times in a row.
Another thing is that I’m always tired and out of energy even though I barely move. And if I do something its most of the time surfing on the internet.
Way too much time online while not really accomplishing anything. Thats gotta change quickly so I thought, why not making it a thing online?

Basically what this project is about:

  • Shut down from the online world and get real
  • Pimp your body up
  • Figure stuff out and get your shit together
  • sharpen your mind

Day A (Kick-off):

  • Throw out your smartphone.
    Not literally but today it is your challenge to keep that thing away. I know you smartass got a back up full of excuses why you have to use it but nah. I recommend the app off time ( you set your time and every app you choose will be blocked if your nasty hands dare to try open it). Most of us are straining their eyes too much by spending hours focusing on that teeny tiny lil screen. The eyes get dry and are less flexible and with the time your vision gets blurry. It won’t hurt to lessen your time online a bit.

  • Is it possible to whip out a cake out of no where?
    No. In order to bake a nice cake you first have to read the recipe. Pay attention to the amount of each ingredient. Make sure to use the right techniques so it won’t end up in a total mess. Double check by peeking at the instructions.
    You can’t skip a step.
    Now take out your planner/ journal or whatever you prefer and plan out the next weeks. Create small mindmaps for each big assignment you’ll have to deal with and split it up into smaller and smaller tasks. Your daily to-do lists are your recipe with the ingredients. The plan to have an overview over the weeks are your instructions. Be strict to yourself. I agree that there are mulitple different study techniques all over the place. And thats wonderful. However you are the one making the first step. So if you lack motivation and dedication its not going to work.

  • Set up a queue on your blog. It would be ideal if you could just cut out every ‘‘dangerous’‘ distraction.

Day B (add some more goals to spice it up):

  • Pick out one sports activity you want to do. Its totally fine if you’re just following a workout video in your own room. But get active. Move. Open the window and let some fresh air in. Take a walk early in the morning before starting your working session. It’s good for your heart and to get blood pumpin through your veins.

  • During this long period you can pick out a book you’ve been wanting to read and write down some random topics you’re interested in. At the evening or on the weekend you can watch a documentary about those topics while having a break. Its a nice option to rest a bit but still keeping your brain awake.

  • For these weeks pick out one or two things that you haven’t been practicing lately. Something you are really passionate about and something you want to improve in aside from studies or work.
    In my case its drawing and playing the piano.
    Maybe you haven’t been writing on your own stories lately? There’s a layer of dust on your chess board? Try it again. The emotions you experience while getting lost in something you love to do is as close to pure magic as it can get.

Now you can set your C.U. period. The rules are to keep your strict schedule. Use every minute wisely and give out your 100%.

As for me I am going to set it for 1 and a half month. The only reason why I would appear on tumblr is to post some pictures but other than that I really need a time out.

Healing time for body and mind

  • Set some goals in terms of eating as well. Tame your sweet tooth and your cravings for junk food a bit. The food is not going to run away. Since I did experience some phases with eating disorders (anorexia and binge eating) I can not stress enough how important it is to be aware about what you are giving and doing to your body. Reward your body with something fresh, something nutritious but also reward yourself with small snacks here and there. Moderation is the key.

  • Eat slowly. Take your time to chew properly. As soon as you do that most of you will catch yourself having the habit to swallow down everything faster than your brain can register.
    Drink an apropriate amount of water. Hydration will not only benefit your skin but also keep you energized through out the day.

  • Get enough sleep. That is the time your body can regenerate and prepare for the next day. Don’t turn the night into your day. It will damage your health more than most of you’d think. Even though I know a lot of you have sacrificed your sleep in order to study - don’t. Risking your health should never be an option.
    Set a time. 30 minutes before that clean up everything, pack things for the next day and start to cool down.

  • Take care of your skin/ hair etc. If you have accomplished many things at the end of the week you can stroll through some drug stores and buy some stuff if you like to. A nice shampoo. Try out a new cleanser. Get some face masks or essential oils. It is never wrong to have some me-time. For me it has rather proven to boost your motivation and the ability to focus.
    These pamper sessions are a great way to compensate stress and just as important as raw work.

You are capable of achieving so much more than you think so gear up and be the best possible version of yourself

My fan account of Seoul birthday party 2015 (13 Sept 2015)

(PLEASE DO NOT REPOST THIS SOMEWHERE ELSE. You can link to it, but do not repost this outside of tumblr.)

As some of you might know, I did not manage to go to Seoul FM last year, and then I missed HK one because of previous travel plans. This is the second FM I have joined and this is way better than my previous experience.

I had a great time with dramafan100 hitoritabi sobaniitezutto in Seoul (singing in noraebang for the first time for 다 줄거야 and JS’ drama OST), and also got to meet some other people on tumblr for the first time before the FM.

We had plans to go to a certain restaurant before the FM for a late lunch but unfortunately it was closed and then we reached the FM venue before 4pm, there was already a long queue lining up for souvenir purchase. By the time it was our turn, mostly T-shirts are left, and some large size sweaters and hoody (limited colours). The quality of the the clothings are good this year ^^ and we saw Jong Suk’s high school friend there selling the clothes himself. Hitoritabi​ even talked to him.

It was after 5pm by the time we got our souvenirs, after some photo taking, we queued up to get inside the FM venue. My seat was in the second last row, but it was surprisingly not that far, I can actually see Jong Suk’s face with my own eyes without relying on the screen. (well, the screen’s colour was a bit off anyway, his face looked much nicer compared to the screen.) MC said the venue was like that because he wanted to see his fans’ face more clearly.

(Note: My Korean listening is not that good, I think I managed to get maybe only 50% of what is going on in the FM only, I only posted what I think I am pretty sure I understand, but I can be wrong.)

Before the FM, the CFs of Sunkist, Lock n Lock and photographs from Millet were looped while we waited for it to start. It started like 10-15 mins after 6pm I think.

The FM started with a video of Jong Suk with us in a date, it was shot in the way that made it looked like we were the girl he was staring at, talking to and touching. (The behind the scene clip played during the break showed that he actually hold on to the photographer’s hand during the shooting when he pretended to be holding our hands LOL)

Then he appeared wearing a suit. (SUIT! And i have a weakness for suit.) The he sang Pinocchio.

After that, the MC from midnight entertainment started a section called initial talk with him where they chatted about different topics about JS. (These are all from my memory, and they are not according to the actual sequence nor included all the topics.)

A) Fav drama/movie
1. My Love Eun-Dong (He particularly likes a kiss scene, I forgot the details as I haven’t watched the drama myself, then the MC asked about his own kiss scene, how to do it, he got embarrassed.)
2. Maundy Thursday (starring Lee Na Young, MC asked if he likes the actress herself or the movie, he said he watched because of the actress and then found the movie to be good. And then he seemed to have attended 4 stage greetings in a day, and then the MC asked him if he is a sasaeng fan, he said no, then MC asked if he has a new movie, how can his fans get 4 stage greeting tickets (LOL). MC asked if he has met the two actors of the movie, he said no, and he wanted to work with them. Kang Dong Won, he doesn’t know what kind of work he wanted to be in with him, but when he was asked about Lee Na Young, he said romance immediately)   

3. I’m Sorry, I Love You (He started rewatching this recently after Eun Tong, because they are of similar genres, and he was thinking So Ji Sub was same age as he is now when So did this work, so how would he do that if he was in that role? The MC asked him to do a line from the drama and then he could not do it in front of the audience.)
4. Black Swan
5. One Piece (A scene from the anime was played where someone died, sorry I have never watched so I didn’t know the characters’ names, JS said that scene is so sad, and he said when he did the Park Hoon scene where his dad died, he thought about that scene in the anime while he did it.)

B) His phone wallpaper is from DS the scene where there was cherry blossoms, so he hasn’t changed wallpaper for a long time.

C) His regular pattern is sleeping when the sun starts to rise and then waking up for lunch, feeding his dog, going to do exercises etc.

D)  When he was talking about his usual pose at home, he talked about being careful not to bend his neck to avoid wrinkles in his neck. And he bought neck cream in duty free shop.

E) He was asked if he still wanted to get married right now, he said it is no longer his most beautiful time, MC said it is, he said no. MC asked, if so when he wants to get married, he said people around him are getting married, his stylist also will get married soon.

F) Aegyo- He did the buing buing, puing puing and another aeygo thing which i have never seen, he looked so embarrassed while doing it, it was so funny. (it is interesting, last time when he was in Guangzhou, he was embarrassed too when he was asked to do stuff, and I felt uncomfortable when I saw him being so uncomfortable, this time I felt ok. He looked like he enjoyed it. I didn’t feel as if he was as reluctant.) And then he couldn’t even do half of it. And then MC asked the fans to do it, many fans couldn’t either, and he was like even you couldn’t do it, haha. (According to leecheahwoon, it was 기싱꿍꼬또, you can watch the original version here.)

Then there was a Q & A time from fan questions who were prepared before.

Not many screamed during the FM and fans who went on stage didn’t talk much. MC kept teasing, they are really Lee Jong Suk’s fans, even their personality is like JS, not talking much.

JS had to make a supposedly “healthy” drink, by mixing various ingredients according to the numbers the fans drawn, and it included a weird mix of stuff like wasabi, vinegar, sunkist juice (and finally put in a lock n lock bottle LOL). He just added very little wasabi. He tasted it before other fans did, and he said it was better than what he imagined. And then he comforted the fans who were kinda scared about drinking it, saying it is better than what they think. The last bottle of “juice” was like twice the volume for others because he poured all the remaining juice into it, so he volunteered to drink half for that fan. I was kinda surprised when I saw him being really careful in cleaning up during the juice making, like he would wipe his hands on a piece of cloth after picking up the microphone, wiping the juice off the outside of the bottle. And he was obviously not used to using a knife, haha, how he cut the tomato so unskilfully.

He had to play games with some fans, if the fans won, they would get a wish fulfilled. JS looked cute when he played the games, like being hit on his head by the plastic hammer held by the fan, but when he hit the fan with the hammer, he did it very gently, and then the MC played with him as well and hit him haha poor JS. There was also a couple rope jumping. For the last fan, he didn’t play with her, and just let her get her wish fulfilled. One girl asked him to repeat that last aeygo thing, he looked so embarrassed, it’s funny.

And then lucky draws for fan goods and Millet coats, people who were got the gifts also got a hug from him.

And then the last song Present, it was the first time he ever sang this in the FM! And then the really touching letter was shown on the screen when the FM ended (The letter was already translated by hitoritabi.)

I remembered when I looked at my watch during the break, it was already way past 8pm, I actually expected it to end at 8pm and it ended after 9pm!

I think JS talked a lot (in his standard LOL) in the FM, and he did prepare a lot for the FM, the second time he appeared after he changed his clothes, MC said it was really good looking and asked if he has spent a lot of time choosing the clothes, he said yes. And even though he got up very early for CF shooting on Saturday, he practised the songs in noraebang the day before after CF shooting. And how he chose a small venue for the FM. From all these things, you can feel his sincerity. And the lyrics for that very last song, I kinda think that’s his own feelings towards us when I heard it. Feeling his own inadequacy and getting comfort from us. (leecheahwoon told me she read somewhere that he mentioned that song is one of his favourite song in an interview before.)

Even though this time I didn’t get to get up close with him, somehow I like this more than my previous FM experience, I enjoy seeing a bit of his own true self in real life, rather than just a series of boring fan games (for most of the people who can’t get on stage anyway, this time there was only a relatively short section of fan games) and not really meaningful Q & A.

And that is the reason why I like him, because I can see part of him. Not just a character or a facade of a star.

VR isn't a gimmick anymore.

So last Saturday I made a post with a bunch of [REDACTED]s in them saying that I can’t really talk about what I experienced until Wednesday. Well, it’s Wednesday!

I live about 5 miles away from Valve. Every once in a while they’ll call me up to have me come in and offer feedback on things. They like it because they say I’m honest and give good feedback, I like it because it makes me feel like Charlie walking through Wonka’s chocolate factory. Last Thursday I was called over there and Gabe Newell ran through Valve’s GDC presentation with me. There were other Valve employees in the room, but Gabe was talking directly to me running through the presentation. I felt very special…. Anyways, back to the presentation, everything was amazing. The Steam Link stuff, the Steam Boxes, Source 2, all of it is extremely forward thinking and is stepping towards what I think could be an even larger PC gaming market. After Gabe was done, I got to do the VR demos they are showing at GDC and honestly I changed my life a bit. I’ve seen every VR demo Valve has had since the room with QR codes and while that demo over a year ago made me think “Hmm, I could make a game about my nightmares”, the new demo makes me terrified of that prospect at this time. The newest VR demo is pretty mindblowing.

All the demos are pretty awesome, there’s one about Aperture Science, there’s one about table top games, there’s an amazing 3D painting program, some museum thing from a game I never played and Surgeon Simulator is amazingly fun (it might be the glQuake of VR). While all of those were great, the one that affected me the most was the first very first one they showed me which is intended to give you a sense of scale.

Let me back up a bit, if you have an Oculus you have an idea of where VR is these days. The DK2 allows you to move somewhat around the room, the DK1 requires you to use a controller to walk around. It’s great, but skeptics can easily see it as a gimmick. I see it as a gimmick in it’s current state. The reason for that is because it’s just a headset when you can’t move around, and even with the DK2’s camera tracking thing, you have very limited physical movement. It breaks the immersion factor also because you have no sense of yourself in the headset, you don’t have hands, you don’t have feet, you are a floating eyeball and nothing more. I know Oculus and VR will progress from here, but operating under the assumption that Oculus was the greatest out there didn’t convince me that VR game development was a little more than the first AppStore games like pretending to drink a beer with your iPhone or a fart sound button…basically nothing more than a gimmick that’ll have a few laughs, a few wows, get mentioned on CNN, then turn into something more later down the line.

That was my assumption until I did the VR demo at Valve. In this demo, the display is higher resolution, a higher frame rate, the head tracking is super fast and accurate, you have a sense of hands and a way to interact with the environment via the batons and most importantly, you can move freely around the room. They do this via the laser tracking system and in the VR world, if you get too close to a wall a grid quickly fades in alerting you of the external boundaries you can’t see so you have a very clear idea of where you can and can’t go. The area I was demoed in was probably an 8'x8’ area which is more than sufficient for the demos they were showing. Being able to walk around in an 8'x8’ are in a virtual world is a total game changer.

Back to the demo that affected me. It was the very first demo I experienced and as I mentioned above it was intended to demonstrate scale. The Matrix-esque loading “construct” fades to black and then blackness fades to the bow of an old wooden ship, sunk deep in the ocean. As I look up, I see the sun rippling as it pierces through the surface of the ocean above me as a few Manta Rays swim about 15’ away. I look around and this must be a very busy part of the sea because there is sea life everywhere. Fish react to my hand movements and swim away, some swim in groups, some individually. I’m among these fish, under the sea, on the bow of a broken ship. At least, that’s what my eyes and ears are telling me, my brain is telling me that despite what my eyes and ears say, I’m in a room inside Valve’s offices. I realize that I haven’t walked since the demo started and I decide to walk around the bow. I walk over to the railing carefully dodging virtual fish for some reason to look out over the bow. I approach the railing and see that this ship is sitting on the edge of an abyss. At this point my brain takes a queue from my eyes and ears and starts to let the idea creep in that I am actually under the ocean. I then become a little anxious as I think of the ramifications of being in the deep ocean and the idea of sea predators floods my thoughts. Staring into the abyss I immediately become terrified that a Shark is going to swim up behind me. My brain quickly rationalizes this and grounds me back in reality. To maintain my sanity and my control over the situation, I say to Jeep, the man running the demo, “If a Shark pops out at me, I will take this off and be done with this forever”. Through the headphones he says “No no, we feel that’s low hanging fruit, and honestly we think it might kill someone”. I believe him, there is nothing surrounding me but a kind of boring underwater scene but my emotions are having a real affect on me. My brain knows this is fake, but that rationalization doesn’t comfort the rest of my body that is telling me I could be in danger. I calm down a bit and then out of the corner of my eye I see a large mass moving towards me. I recognize it immediately, it’s a whale. The specific species I couldn’t say and that doesn’t matter, what matters is that I’m enthralled, shocked, and terrified of this whale coming towards me. His mass is evident, he moves the way I’ve seen whales move under water in nature shows my eyes are telling me “This is a whale”. He slowly swims up to the bow of the ship and stares at me with one of his giant eyes. He means me no harm, he’s a whale, but I’ve never been face to face with a creature that could accidentally kill me or swallow me. The anxiety comes back again but I keep it together. As the whale swims off and the demo shortly fades, the grounding in reality takes hold again. I still feel residual anxiety as the next demo loads but stronger than that feeling of anxiety is a feeling of awe. I was just under the sea and a whale looked at me…that just happened!

I’ve thought about that whale demo every day since Thursday. The demo itself was great, but more than that I’m thinking about my reaction. Had I seen that same scene on a TV screen, I would have had absolutely no anxiety whatsoever, in fact I probably would have hoped a shark would have come out of the abyss to make the demo less boring. But because I experienced it in a world where my movements changed what I saw, it felt like something so much more than that. It was an unrealistic experience that felt very very real.

The experience and the emotions I felt took me back to some feelings I had back in 1992. The memory is still strong with me 23 years later. I was at the arcade with my grandmother and Mortal Kombat, a game I had never heard of was the newest addition to my local arcade. I put in a quarter, played for a bit and instantly died. Still curious about the game, I watched the attract screen for a while in a weird trance of awe and disgust. I was 11 years old in 1992 and up until that point, I’d never really been exposed to any real violence. Yes I had played Street Fighter and Final Fight, and I had seen blood in games before, but Mortal Kombat struck harder than that. It was because it looked real, but wasn’t relatable to anything I’d seen in real life. The one scene of the attract mode (or whatever I was watching) that stood out to me the most was a fight between Goro, the huge muscle bound guy with 4 arms and Liu Kang the Kung Fu man. Goro grabs Liu Kang with his bottom arms, lifts him up, and then uses his top two arms to pound violently on Liu Kangs chest. The screen shakes, Liu Kang makes some screams and then Goro throws him to the ground. That image sticks with me to this day because while it looked real it was a total fantasy and up until that point my experience with violence in games had no basis in reality. Mortal Kombat, with it’s scanned in actors took the violence closer to reality. As I grew older I became exposed to more and more realistic violence in video games and it’s no big deal anymore. Some things will still make me cringe (the torture scene in GTAV for instance) but for the most part I’m desensitized to video game violence. 

Looking back at Goro pounding on someone’s chest, it looks so incredibly lame. Take a look for yourself. Years of gradual progression has made it so violence in video games is the norm. Shooting a guy and having his head blow up is now a feature of some games and it’s one that the huge majority of players don’t mind and actually look forward to.

VR will have to follow suit and will do so naturally. As mentioned above, my first reaction to the Valve VR demo I did over a year ago was the desire to make a game about my nightmares. I have some seriously fucked up nightmares…there’s no other way to say it. I’ve always wanted to share these with people in some way. I feel like VR is the best way to do it and will be the most impactful, but if a whale in a peaceful setting can make me nervous, my nightmares will probably kill people. No joke, someone would go into shock or have a heart attack. I certainly don’t want that, so I’ll table my Nightmare Game and more tame VR experience will be the first I create. As developers start developing seriously for VR the public will be introduced to more and more experiences and become more accepting of the line between reality and virtual reality and allow a separation of personal boundaries in the virtual and real world. In time, I should be able to make a nightmare game that is actually good and not a gimmick to scare people.

Oh, and yes, the Valve VR demo convinced me that this VR thing isn’t a gimmick, at least not in the way that Valve presented it. I don’t know how well Project Morpheus is going to do because it seems like it’s an add on to the PS4 and not a new platform. When people start developing for VR, there will be the bolt on “If you have VR, this has a VR mode” games that will be mainly gimmicky, but when people actually design for VR and embrace the limitations and advantages of the platform that’s when it’ll take off, just like the AppStore. Megaman and Sonic don’t work phones and tablets, but Kingdom Rush and Monument Valley sure as hell do. Why? Because they are designed for the platform and aren’t ported to the platform as an afterthought. They aren’t relying on the gimmick of the platform to push the experience, they are a better experience for embracing what the platform is. That’s what I want my VR games to be.

In the future, I think people will have rooms in their homes dedicated to VR. It’s not as far fetched as you think. Houses in the 1910’s had small kitchens with no refrigeration, in the 40’s and 50’s there weren’t TV rooms or home theaters but all of that is common place now. As technology increases and awareness floods the market, the desire to make room for these technologies becomes overpowering and finds a way to make it into peoples lives. VR will get there. If there were a ton of good VR games out now and I could buy the Valve setup, I’d set a room in my house aside for VR in a second. I am however going to try my best to get a Valve setup in my office so I can start designing for VR now because this is a world I want to be a part of.

I keep thinking to myself, “As soon as I catch up on my backlog, the traffic of this tumblr will totally calm down!” but lbr that’s probably not going to happen.

I try my best to keep it down to a dull roar, but… well, since there are some new people around these parts, it’s a good time to mention a few things!  I have a post here that explains several things, but there’s still a few left to cover.

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