i am going to strangle tumblr

IMMORTALITY

i strangle animals with bag handles
because i am afraid of death

oil offerings burn to keep you in clouds :
gods, you float in tubes of metal & plastic

i do not want to be liquid again
do not make me go back

now gas i’m free to punch drunken
holes through your low heaven

now solid i cut & hold my own shapes
i stand erect & vibrate, potent

i am plastic, i am afraid to die
i dare you, melt me : i will choke you

If it is important: go. Do not suffer pride as though languishing on hooks - you are not forgiving - flesh is not enough. There is a chord struck here: within is tempered. (If you must see L. then go.) Leave everything to blacken.

(In-days you would condemn your therapist. You find her too attractive, now too comely, too obscene with metaphor.)

In your hand: I am no longer able to do what is. It is this: I could crawl with you. What shatters around us - words are dark dark things - into the ice, but not back again. December strangles us: make it come.

I had a dream that I swallowed the whole world and when I threw up I threw up only a solitary eye. The white had yellowed. What horrors it had seen.

This was written in your hand: I cannot do this any more.

—  diary
2015

I feel her dying in me.

She left the windows wide open
Satin curtains trying to strangle the wind
Sash like white flag, like I am war coming home.

I feel her.

In the crack of the mirror,
In the mahogany leaves
Teething on the front porch -

This emptiness is filled with her touch.

My socks are still warm from her disappearance
The electric lines hum but refuse
To tell me her secrets

Where did she go? Who is she now?
Who did I love?

Bougainvilleas of regret
spill out of my mouth -

Her name
Is soft meat.

— 

Camillea

TASK X: MURDER MYSTERY