i am going to regret reading this soon

My ramble

Ok. I am 150% too socially awkward to talk to any of the important people in this fandom (minus @bonnie-wee-swordsman and @diversemediums and @outlanderedandoverhere because they are gems). I am such an awkward turtle and I like talking with people but I hate actually having to initiate conversations! Does anyone relate or am I alone in this struggle???? Like I just want to be active and social and be friends with everyone and have them read my stuff and share memes and other funnies with me! Is that too much to ask!?!?!

Why Write?

W.G. Sebald in “The Rings of Saturn” formulated it with explicit clarity: “For days and weeks on end one racks one’s brains to no avail, and, if asked, one could not say whether one goes on writing purely out of habit, or a craving for admiration, or because one knows not how to do anything other, or out of sheer wonderment, despair or outrage, any more than one could say whether writing renders one more perceptive or more insane.”

Or both. Insanely perceptive and perceptively insane.

Why do I write with a fervor certainly deserving a better application, I could not tell. Maybe I want you to love me. I think it might be the answer, the only answer which at least makes some sense. The craving for admiration is what stands out of Sebald’s formula, the search term in google that immediately helped to discover the quote several years after I read the book. I have probably memorized it for the rest of my life.

Why am I sure though that writing, this constant betrayal of myself, the exposure, the lending for the endless consumption of strangers, is going to bring me anything in exchange for what I relinquish my grip on in the process, missing easily and without a tinge of regret on chunks of alive, real experience: a meeting, a conversation, a date, a dance?

To write, especially to write in the era of social networks, throwing it out as soon as you place a dot in the place where it rightfully belongs, seems to be meaningless, narcissistic, presumptuous, overconfident. Sebald at least wrote on paper, probably ripping the silence of the night with the loud crack of his typewriter. Grey mustache, endless cigarette in yellow teeth. It’s the only way to accomplish something. To write, to revise, to revisit.

On the other hand, many would not write on paper had they had the Internet. Vassily Rozanov, Montaigne, Bukowski, Kerouac maybe, and other  mischievers, at times cheerful, at times melancholic. Too impatient and caring not for inconsistencies.

Oh it has no difference. Paper, the Internet. Now that I reread that Sebald’s phrase, it’s not craving that captures my attention but the suggestion that one writes because one has no idea what to do otherwise. An addiction, a destructive habit of sorts.

Imagine #5 My Valentine

Originally posted by carboneross

February 14th…

Valentine’s Day… Our special day. Not only was it Valentine’s Day to us, but Neymar also asked me to be his on this day, exactly 2 years ago. But just like every day I had to go to college and Neymar had to train for his upcoming match.

I was getting ready for college, so I took a quick shower and put on a casual red dress with a pair of wedges. I quickly added just a little bit of make-up to my face. I grabbed my bag and phone and headed downstairs, only to find him making breakfast in just his boxers. I sneaked up from behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. “Happy Valentine’s Day baby,” I greeted him, leaving a kiss on his bare back. I felt his muscles relax under my touch and he turned around. “Happy Valentine’s Day Y/N.” He smiled giving me a kiss. “So what are you making?” I asked looking behind him. “French toast with strawberries.” He grinned. I moaned just hearing the words french toast, however, it made Ney laugh at me. “Ugh, you know I like french toast, yours especially.” I winked at him. “Baby, you love my french toast.” He said winking back. “That sounds weird,” I made a weird face and he laughed, “So what are you gonna do today?” I asked him. “I’m gonna wait for you to come home when I’m done training.” He smirked. I smiled at him, “I’m so lucky to have you amor.” I couldn’t help but kiss his lips. He broke the kiss some time later and said, “C'mon, let’s eat querida.”

After half an hour I left the house and drove off to my university. When I got there I stepped out of my car and entered the campus. I met up with my best friend Katerina and together we walked to our first class of the day.

“So have you made any plans with Drew?” I asked her, wiggling my eyebrows.

“Stop it girl,” She laughed, “But, yes, he is taking me out and then we’ll see what happens.” She blushed.

“Aww, you’re so in love! I’m happy he’s treating you well, you deserve it.” I smiled at her.

“How about you? Are you and Neymar up to something?” Now it was her turn to wiggle her eyebrows.

“Well, no not really, he said he’ll be waiting for me. So I guess we’re just gonna hang out at home.” I told Kat. “But maybe he has a surprise for you.” She squealed excitingly. “I doubt that, he is training hard for his upcoming game, so he hardly has time.” I said. We dropped the subject and took a seat in the auditorium. We nearly fell asleep during class, because the man was just going on and on about the same thing. This lasted for almost an hour, then he thankfully moved on to something else and after 45 minutes we got dismissed. One down, two to go…

Our second class was over which means lunch break. Kat and I got ourselves Starbucks first and then quickly went to get something from Subway. We chose to sit outside since there was a pleasant temperature today. We talked about some random things and ate our delicious subway meanwhile.

Third class of the day was pure torture. Boring would be an understatement, but hey, if I want to graduate, I will have to cope with it. Kat and I were now walking with a good friend of ours, Ashley, towards the parking lot. I looked on my phone to check the time, “Oh my god. I totally forgot. I promised my mom I would help her with her bakery shop.” I sighed. “Oh chica.” They both looked at me with sympathetic looks.

“It’s fine, I’ll try to not make it long, I really want to spend the rest of the day with Ney,” I said, “You girls have fun tho, catch y'all later.” I both hugged them.

“Bye, Y/N! See ya tomorrow!” They waved bye.

I got into my car and started driving towards the bakery shop my mom and dad owned. We sell a lot of brazilian sweets, since we’re originally from Brazil. It’s actually where Neymar and I met. I smiled to myself remembering that day. The shop is doing good though, it gets a lot of customers, so I promised I helped them when I could.

I walked inside and saw my mom frowning at me.

“Hey mom,” I gave her a kiss on the cheek, “Where’s dad?” I asked.

“He’s in the back. Y/N, why are you here?” She asked me.

“I promised I’d help you today, remember?” I answered, a little confused.

“Oh right, oh god…” She muttered under her breath, “Listen, you should go home filha. I want you to enjoy the rest of the day.” She smiled at me.

“Are you sure mom?” I asked her even more confused, but happy at the same time.

She nodded and gave me a hug, “Yes honey, you deserve it.”

“Well, let me just say hi to dad.” And I ran off to the back, quickly greeted him and then back to the front.

“Thanks mom! See you soon.” I waved her goodbye.

“Have fun!” I heard her shout.

I got into my car again, put my sunglasses on and raced home. It’s been a tiring day. I pulled up in our driveway and got out of the car. I grabbed my keys and opened up the door. I dropped my bag on the floor and closed the door behind me.

“Neymar! I’m home!” I shouted so he could hear me, wherever he was.

No answer.

I started walking towards the backyard, but no he wasn’t there. Upstairs maybe? I walked to the staircase and what I saw made my heart flutter. There were little candles on each step and at the bottom there was a letter. I picked it up and began to read it.

Dear Y/N,

To some people February 14th is just another day.
For me this is a day to take time and say… I love you.
Stop, and think what we’ve been through and how much our love has grown.
Yes, we fight,
And I’ve lied,
But never forget for you I would die.
Everyday I see your beautiful, smiling face,
And there are moments that I stare and you take my breath away,
and leave me with nothing to say,
On this special day,
I ask myself how it is possible to love a person so much.
My heart has been permanently touched.
All the tears and pain seem to go away.
The pieces of my heart that were chiseled away, you make them ok.
Once there was a deep dark hole nobody could touch,
Until you came and filled it with all your love.
On this special day I want you to know,
I love you,
More than I could write down, tell, explain or even try to show,
In this life or the next.
I’ve done things I regret,
And they hurt you inside and made you cry,
But let those things die,
Not you and I.
I want to be with you the rest of my life,
Until the day I say good-bye.
So on this Valentines Day I want to say,
I love you and will always be with you.

Your Neymar.

That is honestly the most beautiful thing I have ever read. It brought so many tears to my eyes. I walked up the stairs and wondered where he could be. I tried our bedroom first and I think I am going to have a heart attack soon, because I don’t think I can take any more surprises. On the king-sized bed was a heart made out of rose petals and the rest of the room had some lit up candles. There was also some romantic, swaying music playing. But still, he wasn’t here.

“Neymar?” I called desperately, I need to see him. I looked around the room one more time. I started walking towards the bathroom, “Si, amor?” I heard his deep voice say.

I stopped in my tracks and slowly turned around. And there he was, standing closely to the balcony door, which was slightly opened. He looked smoking hot. His hair was styled to perfection, he wore a black suit with expensive looking shoes and held a big bouquet of red roses in his hand. He looked at me with an evident smirk playing on his lips and he slowly walked over to me.

“Happy 2 year anniversary baby.” He said reaching me. He held out the flowers for me to take and I gladly accepted them.
I looked up at him and finally said something, “Happy 2 year anniversary Neymar.” I started tearing up again.

He smiled and grabbed me by my waist and brought me closer to him. He then wiped away my tears and put his hand on my cheek.

“Thank you.” I whispered.

“For?” He asked me with questioning eyes. “Thank you for this, for everything. For always being there for me, for making me happy. For treating me like a real queen. I love you so much Ney. I am so blessed to have you.” I smiled while telling him this.

He brought his head closer to mine and I could feel his breath fanning my face.

“Anything for you Y/N. You’re my sun, you make me shine like diamonds.” He winked.

“You’re being very poetic today, huh.” I teased him laughing. With that I closed the gap between us and we kissed passionately. He moved his lips to my neck and left some sweet kisses there. He then stopped himself and took my hand, “The food is getting cold.” He winked.

“You’re crazy for doing all of this.” I commented while shaking my head.

After our dinner outside on the balcony it started to get a little chilly. So we went back inside and there was still music playing. I recognized the song as Make Love by Chris Brown.

I was already sitting on the edge of the bed but Neymar had some other plans for now.

“Can I have this dance with you?” He asked smoothly holding out his hand.

“Yes sir.” I smirked giving my hand to him and let him lead. We sensually danced to the song and knowing Ney he got a little excited. He started kissing my neck again, this time more aggressively. He slid his hands from my waist to my ass. I moaned as his tongue worked magic on my skin. Soon one thing led to another and that’s how a perfect day came to an end.

—————————————
(Credits for the poem goes to familyfriendpoems.com)
Hope you’ll like this! Also a big thank you to all my followers and readers! I’m so happy with 300+ followers! 

Getting Ready for the New School Semester

Sit down with a nice cup of coffee (or tea) and read up! School’s starting soon - or may have already started for you! Make sure you’re ready for it! These are just some of the things that I do before the semester starts.

  • Start a regular sleeping schedule a few days before - If you need to know anything about me, it’s that I’m notorious for going to bed at 3 AM and waking up at 6 AM. Seriously, I’ve been doing it since Sophomore year of high school. I regret it daily when I have classes. About a week before your semester starts (or a few days before), start your sleeping schedule! It’ll make you more accustomed to the schedule so you’re more likely to adjust to it sooner.
  • Make some goals for yourself - The sooner you make your goals, the sooner you can start to work on them! Set goals for grades you would like to receive, Health habits, anything you would like, really!
  • Make a plan for your goals - Open up  your planner and set up a typical weekly schedule! Schedule in time for whatever your goals are - of course you can just write them down as well, but I like to put mine in a planner. I personally put them in excel so I can move around time slots if one time doesn’t work out.
  • Gather your school supplies and take a count of what you need - Self explanatory. Put all of your school supplies that you have in a pile and go through them. Test your pens and highlighters and make sure your notebooks are ready for use.
  • Make lists - Make a list for school supplies you need to buy, things you need to remember to put into your backpack, any kind of food you’ll need for lunches, etc… Keep these lists handy for whenever you’re ready to get everything done!
  • Print out any printables you may need - There are tons of great printables out there! Ones for calendars, habit trackers, grade trackers, etc… if you think  you’ll need them, print them out ahead of time! Start to fill out the info you know (you may already have your syllabi, put in the grade weighting information!)
  • Clean your room and do laundry - A clean room = a happier you! You’ll feel so much more organized when everything is put back in it’s spot. Do your laundry as well. May as well have a full wardrobe to pick from!
  • Pack your bag the night before - Make sure everything you need is in the bag! All of your school supplies and whatever else you may need (gym clothes, locker accessories, water bottle, book, snacks, etc…). If you’re taking a lunch with you, pack it the night before and put it in the fridge if it has any kind of lunch meat. Put a reminder on a post it note on your door or mirror to remember it.
Jumin (Office) part 1

(So this is basically just a part one of a little thingy I can write about MC and Jumin)

-

I pulled my black blazer on over my white button up shirt as MC watched me from the spot on our bed. “I know you don’t really want me to, but I want to work as well Jumin!” She huffed as I wrinkled my eyebrows. “If I provide for you then there is no reason for you to do so” I smile as I grab my tie off of the chair. “Plus, what kind of guy would I be if I just let you go wandering into the world like that”.

MC stands from her position on the bed as the silky bedsheets cascade off of her even silkier legs. She closes the space between our two bodies as she takes the two ends of my tie and cross them over each other. I watch with attentive eyes as she looks up to me with a pouty expression. “Please, Jumin” She begs as her voice is drawn out and needy.

I feel my knees get weak as I imagine the things that voice is used for. The needy expression, one I’m so accustomed to, still gets me excited to the point that I don’t know if I can control myself. “MC” I bellow, my slender fingers stopping under her chin to make her face me. She knew exactly what she was doing and exactly how I’d react.

“You are playing quite a dangerous game. But you already know that, don’t you?” I smirk as her cheeks burn red. “J-Jumin” She stutters nervously as her bangs fall over her eyes. “Don’t act shy now” I whisper into her ear as my lips travel down her neck, before stopping just above her collarbone.

I move a piece of her hair to the side before pushing her shirt back.

I can feel her chest rise and fall against me and I can sense how needy she is for me. She wants me just as bad as I want her. I pull my lips from her exposed shoulder as I let the material snap back into place.

Her eyes are laced with lust and she looks like she wants to grab me and tell me to finish what I’ve started. “W-Why’d you stop?” She asked, slightly flushed as I smile and turn away from her. “Well MC. If you want to work so bad then go get dressed and come into the office with me today” I tease as her face lights up.

MC’s tiny hand curved into mine as we waited in the office’s elevator. “As much as it pains me to say this, I am not going to be able to show you any sort of affection today” I explain as she nods, looking up to me. Sometimes I just want to take a look inside her brain and read her thoughts.

She is really something else.

As soon as I hear the elevator ding, I instinctively drop her hand and walk out in front of her. My mind is immediately racing.

Is MC mad that I am treating her like this?

Is she upset?

Uncomfortable? Annoyed? Pressured?

I regret my decision of bringing her with me today as I see the stares of many immature employees. Some snicker while others watch wide-eyed. Jaehee greets us with a stack of papers. She looks almost astonished as my employees do. “Mr. Han. Is it-”.

“Is something the matter Jaehee?” I asked as she shook her head and pushed her glasses back up. I turn towards MC and she’s already smiling up at me. It takes a lot for me not to hug her on the spot.

“Work will be over soon” I whisper to her with a small smile before straightening my suit out. “Jaehee, will you show MC the ropes?” I ask as she nods before leading MC through the office.

Their watching eyes still follow me, even as I make my way into my own office.

Finally. Peace and quiet.

My desk is neatly sorted and has a warm cup of coffee on it.

Thanks Jaehee.

I take a seat in my chair as I lean my head back and let out a sigh, I didn’t know I was holding in.

It’s so foreign for me to be in the same place with MC and not being able to show her any type of affection. It’s not that many of my employees don’t know that we are together, but that I cannot show my employees that side of me.

Especially with all the big projects we’ve been working on lately. They would definitely try to walk all over me. I snicker at the thought.

My laptop screen lights up as an email from a distinguished company is displayed. My eyes roll over each word, but my mind continues to wander on the thoughts of MC.

I click out of the email and go to the security camera feed. My eyes flicker from screen to screen before they finally become locked on MC’s smiling face.

I catch my self beginning to smile before I notice that MC is no longer with Jaehee, but rather one of my employees.

A male employee.

At first I don’t believe that she would be smiling at another man, let alone, one of my employees. I run a hand through my hair as I stand from my chair. I am absolutely fuming. I pace back and forth in my office as I chew on my nail.

I don’t want to make any rash decisions, but I also want everyone in the office to know that MC is mine.

My hands began to shake as my long legs carry me towards the door. Before I can comprehend what I’m doing, I open the door.

Many employees look up from their tasks before seeing my heated state. “Mr. Han?” A young girl spoke up as I ignored her attempt at talking to me.

I looked through the sea of people and instead of finding MC, I find Jaehee. “What in the hell do you think you were doing?” I ask her as she is taken back by my forwardness. “I told you to show MC around! Not leave her alone with some juvenile man” I scoff as she opens her mouth to reply.

I shake my head, cutting her words off short as employees immediately look away. “Mr. Han, I apologize” She rushes in as I study her with my eyes. “Where is she?” I question as Jaehee looks around.

“I left her in the copy room. She said she understood everything!” She explained as I shook my head and laughed. “Of course she would have said that Jaehee! She hates bothering others” I mutter as I leave Jaehee and a sea of watching employees behind.

I can’t believe MC would do this to me. In my office of all places. I want to take every part of her existence in front of that boy, so he knows she is mine. I want her to be an embarrassed moaning mess.

 I push open the copy room door as MC looks back at me with a smile. “Jumin! You-”. I cut her words off by grabbing her wrist and quickly pressing my lips against hers. She is very tense but I can tell she isn’t opposing.

I open my eyes to see the young man very uncomfortable. I finally pull away before looming over the boy. “Please refrain from talking to my MC ever again” I say sternly as he nods quickly and escapes through the door.

I turn to MC and notice she looks very displeased. “Jumin. You can’t be possessive like that here” She complains as I cock an eyebrow. “You could get in trouble from terrorizing your employees like that”.

I fold my arms.

“But wasn’t my statement correct? You are mine, aren’t you MC?” I asked as she bites her lip and nods. Seeing her react this way lights a spark in me. I push my body against hers until her back is against the wall.

I wipe any emotion off of my face as I place a kiss against her forehead,

moving down to her nose,

then cheek,

and stopping right above her lips.

I made sure to have firm eye contact with her. “Then I will continue to make you mine, over and over, until that boy, and everyone else knows that you belong to me”.

-

(NSDJNCODSBCIDSJNCODSKNC. But would you guys enjoy a part two?).

anonymous asked:

Hey so just so you know, I am totally going to read the second part to When Winter Came! I just have a lot on my plate right now and I'm finding it hard to find time to read all the fics I want to (I seriously have a list of all of the million links to them in Google now i'm just rambling be quiet @ me). But this is 100% going on the top of my list and I just wanted to let you know how excited I am even though I regret I may not be able to read it soon. I loved it at first sight and still do.

*really upset voice (but from happiness)* i have just been…so blessed to have people like you in my life. 

but in all seriousness, please don’t feel bad about not being able to read it! i promise the fic isn’t going to jump onto two legs and sprint right off tumblr, so take all the time you need, friend. i love the series as much as you.

p.s - ramble to me all you want, you know how i am 

When Winter Came [Part I | Part II]

I regret to inform you, but I will be streaming today.

For those previously unaware, I’ve read Homestuck. I am a fan of Homestuck. I’ve been waiting for Hiveswap for years, and now it’s here. And today?

I’m going to stream it.

Stream should start at 1:30 PM EST, or essentially as soon as I can physically play it. If it turns out I can’t stream it, I’ll just play Sonic Adventure 2 or something. You know the drill.

blangst prompt #901 fill

Got an anon this morning asking me to fill this prompt. So I did. 

TW: Self harm, depression.
Rating: T
Summary: It’s all harmless fun, as long as you’re not the one being harmed.

Kurt notices there’s something wrong with Blaine pretty quickly. The way he acts around Kurt is strange. Like he can’t stand to be in Kurt’s presence. He flinches around Kurt, shrinks in on himself and hides, then hurries out of the room as fast as he can. At night in the bed they share, he curls up on his own side of the bed in the tightest little ball he can manage, and he doesn’t even relax when Kurt wraps him up in his embrace. Usually, Kurt being the big spoon will solve all of Blaine’s problems.

The real problem is that he doesn’t talk. Blaine always tries to talk to figure things out, but whatever’s bothering him now is so big that he doesn’t want to talk. Kurt doesn’t think it’s anything he’s been doing, because why would it be? So what if Kurt’s been texting Jason nonstop and meeting him for coffee every day. They’re just friends. Kurt is allowed to have gay male friends that are not Blaine.

Kurt waits for Blaine to come to him, as he always has in all the years they’ve been together and the two years they’ve been married. It’s been a great two years, until Blaine got all sulky and weird. Kurt shrugs it off and picks up his phone to text Jason. He reads over their conversations, smiling at the little flirty messages. It’s harmless fun. It’s always harmless.

Keep reading

Originally posted by camera-seventeen

Two Years Later

Word Count: 2114
Genre: Angst
Pairing: You x Minghao (The8)

“Our lives will continue on in different directions toward the inevitable end, becoming strangers again. And everything we shared will just become fragmented memories from so long ago I’ll question if It even really happened. And all that will be left is this. A box of random stuff from a period of time when this stranger was the most important person in my life.”  Strangers, Again

Keep reading

House of Cards (XIII)

Characters: Yoongi and Reader

Genre: love, falling in love, romance

Series: Intro, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4 , Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12Chapter 13, Chapter 14 , Chapter 15 (finale)

Summary: You fell in love with Yoongi when you least expected to. He was like a breath of fresh air that you greatly needed after an awful break up. You first thought that the two to you would just have some harmless fun. You didn’t realize that you two would build such a strong feeling for one another. Slowly it came to your attention that your relationship with Yoongi was like a house of cards. You have to be careful while slowly building your relationship with him because with one wrong move, everything will fall into pieces leaving you with nothing more than shattered memories.


Hi Hi! I know that this chapter was a little more concentrated on the reader and not Yoongi… but I hope that it was alright? :) To be honest.. I’ve been spending a little too much time thinking of another series that I might make after this one (not sure yet), so… I get distracted a lot.. and writer’s block isn’t helping either…. but we’re getting towards the ending! How exciting :) I will try to post chapter 14 as soon as possible. As always, remember to like, reblog and share. Happy reading~

(credits to the photo goes back to the owner)

The moment you headed out of the hall,  the chilling air caused goosebumps all over your body, and you slightly started to regret your decision. You sat down on the same bench that you were seated hours ago, hoping to sooth your pounding heart. Where am I going to go? This is crazy.. why am I really going to run away? What am I going to do about school? As stupid as this idea may be, you were always the type to run away from your problems, not because you couldn’t solve them, but instead because you didn’t want to. You didn’t want to face the truth, whether the truth was that he loves you or he doesn’t love you, you weren’t ready to face it. But when were you ever ready? Standing up, you made your decision to go to your dorm pack some of your things and then head home.

You made sure that you checked your surroundings before you headed to your dorm just to make sure that Yoongi wasn’t around. Thankfully, he was no where to be seen. Once you were in your room, you quickly grabbed your suitcase and stuffed your laptop, your textbooks, some clothes and left. Although you didn’t know how you drive, you were lucky that there were twenty four hour buses that you could take to go home. Once you arrived home, you checked your phone, ignoring the amount of missed calls and text messages from Jungkook and Yoongi, to check the time. Seeing that it was 2:00 a.m, you were fully aware that your parents were probably asleep, so you tried to move as quietly as possible, but it was no use because you dropped your suitcase multiple times due how heavy it was.

“Y/N?” You heard your dad ask.

You froze at the sound of your dad.

“Uh… hi… dad….” You awkwardly waved.

“What are you doing here?”

“I.. Uh… I came to visit of course.” You weakly smiled.

Seeing your tired puffy face, your dad worriedly asked you,

“Y/N? What happened?”

You suddenly felt so overwhelmed, and felt your tears well up in your eyes. All you wanted was someone to hold you tight and tell you that everything is going to okay. Although you were never that close with your dad, and all the two of you ever talked about was school, you ran up to your dad and hugged him. This type of affection was very foreign to your dad, so he froze for a second before he wrapped his an arm around you, while the other patted your head.

“What happened Y/N? Did someone bully you at school?”

“No dad… I’m just.. I just want to stay home for a little bit. I just want to stay for a few days, get some things out of my head. My prof and T.A will post all the lessons online, so I don’t have to attend class. I… I just want to be at home..” you sobbed.

Holding you even tighter, he said,

“Okay. As long as you’re safe that’s all that matters. We’ll talk tomorrow okay? Go clean up and then sleep, it’s getting late.”

You nodded and headed to the washroom as your dad carried your luggage to your room. Once in the washroom, you stared at yourself and saw how awful you looked. Your eyes were bloodshot and fluffy, your nose was red from all the crying, your face was tearstained. You’re one heck of a mess Y/N. Sighing, you quickly washed your face and brushed your teeth before you headed to bed. You changed into a large band t-shirt and a pair of shorts before you jumped into bed and hid under the covers. Even though it was getting late, you still didn’t feel tired. Your mind was constantly going through everything that happened in the last 48 hours. You met your boyfriend’s ex girlfriend. Is she even his ex girlfriend at this point? Are you even his girlfriend? You met Yoongi’s best friends. You figured out that Jungkook maybe likes you. Jungkook told Elizabeth that you’re dating Yoongi while you’re still thinking about your ex boyfriend. Jungkook almost kissed you when the two of you were alone in the living room. Jungkook skips out on breakfast. Yoongi gets a call from someone and then suddenly turns so cold. Your boyfriend doesn’t come give you back your jacket himself because he said he’s “busy”. He ignores all your text messages. You try to give your boyfriend a surprise only to see him hug and kiss his ex girlfriend. You groaned at the amount of unanswered questions that you had. You froze at the sound of your phone vibrating, pushing the covers away from your face, you reached for your phone and saw that it was Yoongi. You didn’t bother declining or answering the call, you just left watched until your phone stopped vibrating, and you were left with yet another missed call from your “boyfriend”. Curiosity got the best of you, and you finally opened your phone to see your unread messages. There were a few from Jungkook that read,

Hey. Are you okay?

Answer your phone Y/N.

I’m worried about you.

Call me as soon as you can alright?

I’m worried about you…

At least tell me that you’re okay…

You sighed. Jungkook.. please tell me that you only think of me as your friend.. please…

You then opened Yoongi’s messaged  that read,

Y/N you have to listen to me. It’s not what you think.

God I hate hearing everyone say the exact same thing.

Answer your phone for me please baby. I just need to hear your voice.

I love you. You know that.

No… I don’t..

We can’t possibly end like this.. you know that right? Y/N.. we’ve given each other too much to just let go so easily.

Dammit Y/N! Answer your phone!

I’m sorry… let me explain to you.

I can’t even close my eyes without seeing your face.

Call me Y/N. Tell me we’re okay.

Tell me you love me.

I do… I really do… but is that enough?  

Okay that’s enough… that’s enough reading for one day you said as you felt tears streaming down your face. Let’s just sleep, and deal with everything else tomorrow. Once again you pulled the covers over your head and fell into a troublesome sleep.

Buzz. Buzz. Buzzzzzz.

You woke up to the sound of your phone vibrating. Dammit I should have turned it off. You looked at your phone to see that Crystal was calling. You quickly picked up, and was about to speak before your best friend disrupted you,

“Where the hell are you?”

“Well.. good morning to you too.” You yawned.

“Answer me. Where the fuck are you?” She sounded angry this time.

“I’m at home…. I went home last night.”

“And you didn’t bother telling me? I was worried sick when I woke up and you were gone. And you know what’s even worse? Having your boyfriend pounding at my door every five seconds asking where you were. I even showed him inside that you weren’t at my place.”

“I… I’m sorry…. I just.. I needed to leave. I knew he would come find me in the morning. He told me he would, but I couldn’t face him. I’m sorry… “ You apologized.

“I’m on my way to your house now. I’ll be there in about an hour. Get food ready for me. I woke up and left without eating.” She grumpily said.

“Why? Why are you coming over?”

“Because I don’t trust you by yourself. Just wait for me and don’t you dare go anywhere else.” And then she hung up.

Where else can I go?

Sighing you walked out of your room and headed downstairs towards the kitchen.

“Hi mom.” You said as you poured yourself a glass of milk.

“Y/N… what’s wrong? Your eyes are so puffy and your dark circles… did you even sleep?” Your mom asked as she stared at you.

“I’m fine.. rough night that’s all. Mom do we have a deck of cards?” You asked.

She pointed to the cabinet beside the stove. You took all three decks of cards and headed back into your room.

You were too engrossed into trying to build your own house of cards that you didn’t hear your phone ring, you didn’t hear your door bell ring, and you most definitely did not hear your best friend enter your room.

Dammit.

Now matter how hard you tried to build your house of cards, the house always ended up falling down because of your clumsy fingers.

Dammit.

That was already the fifth try, and you were still failing. It was like as if the fallen cards were mocking you, telling you that no matter how hard you tried, you’ll never be able to succeed, just like your relationship with Yoongi. No matter how hard you tried, no matter how much effort you had put into the relationship, you were left heartbroken and alone. Okay… maybe the lonely part is my fault.. but still.. Feeling frustrated, you pick up a handful of the cards and threw them onto the floor.

“Someone doesn’t look happy.” You heard your best friend say.

You face softened at the sight of Crystal.

“How long have you been standing there?” You asked as you walked up to your best friend’s open arms.

“Well I’m watched you fail at least two times before you were finally pissed off.” She said as she wrapped her warm arms around you.

Just like last night when your dad hugged you, the comfort that this hug was triggering your tears. You swallowed the lump in your throat and said,

“So you saw how bad I was failing…”

Ignoring your question, your best friend asked,

“Are you feeling okay?”

“… yeah…” You lied.

Pulling away from the hug, with just one look on your face Crystal knew that you were no where near being okay. She gestured the two of you to sit on your bed, as she proceeded to ask,

“What’s wrong Y/N… you seemed okay last night. Why did you suddenly leave?”

“I thought that I was going to be okay, but it’s all I lie. Whenever I close my eyes all I see if the two of them. All I see is how they hugged each other, and then she kissed him. No matter what I do, I can’t erase him out of my mind. I couldn’t sleep, and I was panicking in bed just thinking about having to face him this morning. I figured the best idea is if I just went somewhere  he can’t find me or bother me, so I went home. I didn’t want to hear whatever he had to tell me. I don’t want to know. I just want to pretend like nothing happened…so I ran away. I’m sorry that he came over this morning to bother you…” You apologized.

“Y/N.. you can’t keep running away like that..”

“I don’t want to hear what he has to say. No matter what he says to me it won’t change that fact that I saw them hug and kiss. The truth doesn’t matter.” You mumbled.

“Y/N… why wouldn’t the truth matter? The truth can give your closure if needed, or it can help you give over this. You’re not a kid anymore, you can’t run away from all your troubles. No matter how big of a mess this is, you can’t continue running away.”

“Aren’t you suppose to me on my side?” You glared at her.

“Y/N.. I’ve always been on your side. I’ve always supported your every move, but this time I really can’t. When you left Alfred and ran away without saying another word, I supported you but I didn’t realize that you would still be so hurt. What you needed was closure. You needed to know the truth in order to move forward. Sure you ran away from Alfred, and forced yourself to think about nothing but school, but you can’t keep doing that. You have no where else to run Y/N. You can’t just leave school because of one guy, who you assume cheated on you.”

Seeing that you were about to say something, your best friend quickly shut you up and said,

“Don’t you dare interrupt me now. I know you well enough to know that you don’t think Yoongi cheated on you. Why would he spend so much time just to persuade me and bother me to know where he can find you, and then cheat on you? I understand that this whole situation is so confusing, but you can just leave when things are getting hard.”

You had nothing to say, because deep down you knew that she was right. You knew that Yoongi would never cheat on you, he spent so much time telling you how much you mean to him, there as no way that he would cheat on you, but you were just so hurt when you saw Elizabeth kiss him that you wanted nothing more than to run away.

Seeing that you weren’t going to say anything, Crystal picked up a few cards from the floor, and said,

“Do you know why your house of cards keep falling? Do you know why you feel like your relationship with Yoongi is so rocky? The two of you started off with an unstable beginning. You two met when you were still mending your broken heart, yet Yoongi still wanted to be with you. It was obviously not easy for him to watch his own girlfriend drift off and think about her ex. I’m not saying that things were easy for you, but Y/N… these type of things could have been prevented.”

Irritated with yourself, you said,

“I don’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to do then, and I don’t know what to do now. What do you think I should have done?”

“You should have talked to Alfred. We all know that he cheated on you with Chelsea, but Y/N… you should have at least asked where things went wrong that caused him to cheat on you, because if you knew that answer, you could have easily gotten over him. Y/N… the truth may hurt, but sometimes it’s what is needed. I know you love Yoongi, and we all know that he loves you, so don’t you think that it’s going to be such a waste to just watch this relationship end? It’s never too late to fix it Y/N… I know it’s hard to get over what happened between you and Alfred, but just imagine if you were to ran away from Yoongi too, tell me how the hell are you going to get over both of them? You’re never going to be able to be happy… I don’t want to see you always sad like now. Out of all the people that I know, you deserve all the love Y/N. You deserve to be happy. If you want things to work out with Yoongi, you’re going to have to fix the foundation of your relationship before you can continue on and build on towards your future.”

She was right. You knew you couldn’t continue running away like this. You needed to move on from Alfred, you needed to be able to bravely love Yoongi, but before you could do that you needed to know… the truth. Once again your best friend, your little ray of sunshine, shone some light into your darken days and guided you back to a better and happier place.  

“I hate you for always being right..” You pouted.

Knowing that you gave in, your best friend laughed at you and just left you with your thoughts as she headed downstairs. You knew what you had to do. You picked up your phone and saw all the missed calls and unread text messages, but before you could read them, you dialled Alfred’s number.

“Let’s meet up.”