i am going to gif it even more after exams are done!

Imagine Chris being your rock.

A/N: This piece is going to be more than just about the angst and the fluff, it’s about addressing a serious issue in both my own life and society; an issue that seems to carry a stigma that prevents one from talking about it without shame. Now I started writing because it was the only time where I felt like I had true control over anything, over myself- over life. It’s honestly the reason I’m still alive sometimes. (Super dark, I’m sorry.) I have had an eating disorder for years now, and this is possibly the first time I’m publishing a story where I properly address that because I feel like Tumblr is a safe space and perhaps there is someone reading who will find comfort in my words and seek the help that I, too, am afraid to seek. First of all, you are not alone. Secondly, I know how scary it is. Thirdly, we are beautiful despite how often our reflection tell us we are not. Lastly, you are worthy and you deserve a love like this. Why am I writing this now, while I’m on my holiday having the time of my life? Because mental disorders don’t stop when you’re on holiday, and they don’t stop when you’re working, or studying for a major exam. I just want those who are suffering from this, or depression, or anxiety to know that I am with them always. ❤️

You tapped your pen anxiously against the table as you reread your food diary entry for the day. All the while you could hear the voices in your head telling you that “it’s too much”, that “you failed”, that you needed to “do better” and “be better”, and the harder you tried to ignore said voices, the louder they got. You lowered your pen and closed your notebook, taking slow breaths as your eyelids blackened your vision. You were okay, there was always tomorrow. You could eat less tomorrow; you’d succeed tomorrow; you’d be better and do better tomorrow.

You broke from your concentration when you heard Chris come through the front door, calling out to you. “Babe, I’m home!” Relief escaped your lungs as if he were the only thing capable of saving you from yourself. You returned yourself to your bittersweet reality, stowing your food diary in your top desk drawer where it lived with all your other notebooks; all filled with your thoughts, both blissful and pained.

“Hey you,” Chris smiled at you when you entered the kitchen. You managed one back, despite how tired and heartbroken you were; Chris noticed, but he said nothing knowing it would cause you to break down if he asked. “How was your day?” He asked as you forced your way into his arms, burying your face in his chest.

“Same old,” you mumbled, appreciating how comforting his touch was. He stroked your back gently, peppering soft kisses onto the top of your head. “How was yours?” You quizzed, glancing up at him for a moment before pressing your face back into his chest. God, he smelt so good; he smelt more than just his refreshing cologne, he smelt like warmth and kindness and happiness. He smelt like a dose of everything you needed after the day you had.

“Better now that I’m with my girl,” he smiled, giving you a tight squeeze before he released you. You leaned against the island counter while Chris proceeded to unpack the small bag of groceries he’d brought back with him. “So I’ve been thinking,” he glanced back at you, feeling his heart ache at the sight of your tired eyes. “Why don’t we go away for the weekend? We can rent a cabin, go immerse ourselves in the quiet forest. It’ll be nice, don’t you think?”

You knew Chris only suggested going out to a cabin when he was worried about you. It didn’t start out like that, it started off as a getaway where the two of you could spend some time alone without modern technology and people getting in the way. But over the years, it’d become a retreat where one could rid oneself of all the stress, and the emotional dread, and the weight of the world that was on one’s shoulders; that one being you, and occasionally Chris when he was having a particularly stressful time. It was a nice place to be because you wouldn’t have anything to stress and trigger you; you could just exist, drinking the calm and the quiet that Mother Nature provided. But it was also a horrible place to be because Chris would take that opportunity to talk to you, to worry and fuss about you, to love you with a love that you didn’t feel like you deserve, and unlike the city, you’d have no where, nothing, and no one to hide behind.

“I don’t know,” your fingers played with your right earlobe; a nervous tick Chris had deciphered over the years. “I feel like this isn’t a good time. You’re busy with work and I’m busy with work- I don’t think now’s a good time to have a getaway.”

“I think it’s because we’re so busy that we need a getaway,” he countered. “We can’t keep working ourselves to the bone, Y/N.” Especially not mentally, he thought but he didn’t say out loud. “I’m about to leave for Infinity War, now’s a good a time as any for us to have some alone time.” You let out a quiet sigh, but stopped arguing because you knew from Chris’ firm tone that saying no wasn’t an option. “Pack a bag, okay?” He kissed your cheek and you nodded with a forced smile. “We’ll leave in the morning.”
• • • • • • • •
The car ride out to the cabin wasn’t as bubbly as your usual car rides together; there was a fog of emotions, but happiness wasn’t one of them. You didn’t sing or joke, and you most definitely didn’t eat anything. It broke Chris’ heart to see you like this, and it broke yours to see what you were doing to him. It was actually your biggest fear to hurt him the way you were which was why you rejected him when he asked you out the first few times. He had this light in his eyes that you didn’t want to kill with your dark, you’d done enough of that over the course of your existence.

You’d lost friends, and boyfriends, and even some members of your family- you didn’t want to invest in another person only to lose them too. But Chris was persistent. He respected your decision to not be with him romantically, but remained in your life as a friend. A very good friend- a best friend that you couldn’t help but fall in-love with. He was the perfect man, he cared for you and loved you unconditionally. Even after finding out about what you suffered from, he didn’t go anywhere. He was one of the few who promised you a lifetime and actually proved he’d keep his promise, and so you let your walls down and allowed him into your life as your romantic partner.

Two and a half years later, after dozens of panic attacks and days where you’d avoid food altogether, you were still with him and he was as in-love with you as the first time he saw you. Till this day you didn’t understand why, because to you, you were unlovable. But that wasn’t how Chris saw you, he knew you weren’t your disorders; you were intelligent, and talented, and strong, and beautiful, and resilient. He loved you because of all that, but most of all, he loved you because you remained kind despite the constant hell you were dragged through. You may not have seen what he saw, but you were every bit the girl you aspired to be, and until you saw yourself in that same light- he wasn’t going to stop working you towards that.

“Hey.” You turned away from the window when Chris reached for your hand and pulled it onto his lap as he gave it a light squeeze. “What are you thinking about?” He asked then lifted your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles. You felt your lips quirk into a smile; that was an act of affection you’d never get tired of.

“Nothing,” you shook your head.

“Do you want to know what I’m thinking about?” He quizzed and you nodded. “How much I love you.” He threw a grin your way and you managed a laugh; he smiled because that was what he loved to hear. “You make me feel like I’m the luckiest man on the planet everyday, Y/N.” He forced himself not to well up when he saw you did. “Everyday,” he repeated in a firmer tone.

“I feel the same way about you, Chris,” you squeezed his hand and smiled. “I love you to a point where you could easily ruin me,” you admitted under your breath as you pulled your hand from his. You didn’t mean for Chris to hear it, but he did and he understood it. It was the same for him; you were going to be someone he’d never get over if he was ever unlucky enough to lose you.

“I’m never going anywhere,” he glanced at you as you closed your eyes, pretending to drift off. “You know that, right?” He waited for an answer, but he didn’t get one. “I’m planning to spend the rest of my life with you, sweetheart.” He said as he came to a stop at a red light. He leaned over the gearbox and kissed the side of your head gently, whispering as he pulled away, “don’t you worry.”
• • • • • • • •
Chris watched you over the table as you unconsciously stared at your food. You were so used to contemplating the pros and cons of consuming anything that you didn’t even realize you were doing it until you called yourself out. It was incredibly heartbreaking for Chris to see that you couldn’t even do what humans were meant to do in order to survive without first spending hours fighting yourself on it. The motto you lived by: eating is a choice, not a necessity.

You had good days where you could eat and not feel like your entire world was falling apart, then you had bad days where you couldn’t even eat a salad without feeling like you needed to throw it back up. It was so fickle that you didn’t know if you were actually suffering from an eating disorder, or if you were just a health nut who wanted to look good. But no health nut would do what you constantly did to yourself, there was something definitely wrong with you.

Chris could still remember when he first confronted you about it, it was probably one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do. You weren’t dating when he found out about your eating disorder, but he was already in-love with you so it didn’t stop his heart from shattering at the sounds of your cries. It didn’t seem like normal crying to him, it was as though he could hear your soul break. The pain you were in was immense but mental, and nothing he did could’ve taken it away. In that moment, seeing the love of his life bawl her eyes out, he thought he’d died and gone to hell.

“Are you going to eat that?” Chris asked gently.

“Um…” You looked up at him, your eyes glistened. “Yeah,” you forced a smile, “I am.” You picked up your knife and fork and poked at the roasted chicken breast on your plate before cutting a small piece and putting in into your mouth. “It’s good,” you mumbled after swallowing.

Now he didn’t want to push you, but his worry had reached the edge of the cliff. You needed to eat something and you needed to eat it now because he didn’t want you to get lightheaded or suffer from gastric pains again. “Y/N,” he began with a sigh.

“What?” You were frustrated with yourself and on the verge of crying. “I’m eating, aren’t I?”

“You have to try harder than that,” he told you. Both of you could both hear how worried he was for your physical and mental health, and that he was on the verge of crying too. “I know how difficult this-” he began but was cut off.

“I love you, Chris, but you don’t.” You shook your head as you rose to your feet, weeping as you did. “And I really don’t want to do this with you right now. Excuse me,” you walked out of the dining room and headed straight for the backdoor so you could take a walk and calm down.

The air was crisp outside. Actually, it was a lot colder than your unprotected body could endure. You wrapped your arms around yourself, rubbing warmth through your thin sweater. You heard the door open then heavy footsteps crunching towards you, you closed your eyes and fought the urge to cry as Chris draped your coat over your shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, rubbing your arms. “You’re right, I don’t get it. If you’re not ready, then- you’re not ready.” Your shoulder shook gently as you cried as quietly as you could. “I can’t force recovery on you, I can just be here for you as you recover. I’m sorry, Y/N,” he repeated as he gently turned you around. “I’m really sorry, sweetheart.” He cupped your face in his hands and brushed away your tears, starting to cry himself. “I’m sorry you’re going through all this, I’m sorry you think you’re not beautiful because you are.”

“I’m broken, aren’t I?”

“No,” he shook his head then pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly against him. “You’re not broken, you’re just lost right now. But we’re going to get you out of this, okay?” He rubbed your back soothingly as you cried into his shoulder. “I promise you, this pain isn’t going to be forever.” He pulled back to take your face in his hands again, “and I always keep my promises, don’t I?” You nodded, sobbing. “So believe me, you’re going to be okay.”

“I love you,” you choked out as he pulled you back in for another hug.

“I love you too,” he whispered, clutching onto you as tightly as he could.

Tags: @chrisevans-imagines @widowsfics @m-a-t-91 @xoxomioxoxo @imaginesofdreams @ateliefloresdaprimavera @katiew1973 @winter-tospring @shamvictoria11 @caitsymichelle13 @michellekeehlmello @letterstomyself21 @soymikael @faye22 @always-an-evans-addict @sammyrenae68 @brobrobreja @elizabeth-matsuoka @thegirlwiththeimpala @camerica96 @all-of-the-above11 @captainamerica-ce @whenyourealizethisisntagoodname @yourtropegirl @smoothdogsgirl @createdbytinyaddiction @siofrataylor @dreamingintheimpalawithdean @imaginary-world-of-mine @wanderingkat77 @grantward3 @rileyloves5 @chrsmom302 @buckys-shield @mylittlefandomfanfictions @breezykpop @catch-me-im-a-falling-star @tabi-toast @ssweet-empowerment @hayleesteashoppe @chrixa @feelmyroarrrr @akidura79 @louisespecter @castellandiangelo @ccrossfire @assxmblesstuff @edward-lover18 @princessesnaddy @1d-niallerbieberforever @dxbrevgrey @bellastellaluna @christopher-or-steven (I am so sorry for this angsty piece, I just needed to get some stuff out. I’ll get back to the fluff after this, I promise. Don’t quit me ❤️)

MATT // MASTERLIST


Request: Hello, I really love your writing!! And I also really miss Matt the radar technician! So I was wondering if you can write a modern!matt where the reader and him are close friends that have feelings for each other and she sticks up for him bc he gets picked on. Idk something like that. But yeah! You always know how to make your stories amazing! Thank you!!

A/N: I’m so glad I received Matt requests bc I miss that son of a bicth……thank you, anon, for the request! Enjoy :) [gif not mine]

Word Count: 2.5K+

Warning: None


Matt was, what you called, your average ‘nerd’. His glasses were as big as his head, the silver rims and thick lenses that hugged his nose. His attire was always neat and in place–although the opposite went for his bright blond hair. Now that was a mess. It was hard to keep the curls looking nice. Brushing them weren’t an option and neither was jelling it, so he let it be.

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Congratulations

(requested by anon)

Kai Parker x Reader
word count
: 2 225
summary : Reader and Kai are dating. One day she passes out and nothing Kai tries heals her / wake her up so he brings her to Jo.
* not my gif
_____________________
Kai met her shortly after he got out of 1994 when he went to Whitmore to visit his sister Liv. Y/N was nice to him , a stranger who wouldn’t shut up while waiting for the Whitmore bar to clear out. She had been there studying all alone , then Kai noticed her and the only reason he had was because at one point she had turned around , scolding a group of boys for talking too loud while she was trying to study.

   "Would you SHUT UP!?“ she had said. “Some of us are actually trying to study for the exams and don’t plan on flunking.”
  “Woooo !! Who cares ?!” the guys have replied at which point she had gotten up , taken their drinks and nearly poured them over their heads … until Kai had stopped her.
  “Now , now … that’s no way to talk to a beautiful girl like her is it ?" 


The rest of the day until she had to go back to her dorm , they spent together. Weirdly Y/N somehow didn’t mind his constant talking and he found himself telling her his life story. The next day he went looking for her , and the next …and the next. Kai could rarely find someone willing to stand his obnoxious self and Y/N had peeked his interest. After the merge his desire to be around her only grew stronger , he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Every time they were together he wanted to touch her to kiss her and one night as they were walking back to her dorm room after a party , he had actually kissed her. Eventually they started dating and she told him her secret. Y/N was a witch.


   "Oh , that explains why you believed me that first day we met ! I thought you were just pretending…” said Kai , poking her playfully in the stomach. “I should’ve figured it out… but you , you kept me distracted.” he said smiling , leaning in to kiss her gently , biting her lower lip. “Now I love you even more.”
   "You love me ?“
   "Yes ! … I love you Y/N. I never thought I’d love someone but I do and I am so happy it’s YOU that I love.” he said brushing his fingers through her hair.
 Y/N smiled nervously for a moment , gazing into his blue eyes sparkling.
“I love you too.”

* three months after * 

It had been almost two weeks since they had officially moved in together. Waking up to Kai every morning , knowing she’d see him right after classes without having to leave early to go study in her dorm room was the best. He was the perfect boyfriend and even though they had their fights from time to time , both of them pretty much always made up the same day , sometimes an hour after the fight but they never went to bed upset with one another. They loved each other that much. Neither of them could stand causing the other pain or watching the other in pain.
It was the end of term , summer’s approach could be felt in the air and the skies were blue every day. Y/N sat on the couch that afternoon , books spilled all around her , her hair pulled in a pony tail. Last exam for the year was happening tomorrow and she was trying to refresh her memory last minute … and her brain was filled to the brim.
“Where are you going ?” Y/N asked jumping up from the couch and into Kai’s arms. “I wanna go with you.”
Kai smiled and tapped her nose. “To the store. It seems like we ran out of milk… and ice cream …and those pretzels you like and a couple of other things.”
“OH that reminds me - can we get donuts ? The pink ones with the white sprinkles and the creamy filling inside ?” she asked excitedly making Kai laugh.
“What is it with you lately? I am starting to get worried…”
“Nothing’s up. I am just hungry.” Y/N pressed her lips against his before he swept her off her feet carrying her towards the door , both of them laughing.

About an hour later when they got home it turned out Y/N had had a lot other things on her mind other than the donuts. They cooked dinner together and later sat on the couch cuddling while watching some TV show none of them were paying attention to. Kai couldn’t tear his eyes off her and Y/N had the same problem.
“The day we met was the happiest day in my life.” said Kai suddenly , pulling her closer to him. He kept doing that even when there was no way for her to get closer to him. “Well , except the day you told me you love me.”
Y/N traced his jawline with her fingers before kissing him gently.
“Mine too.” she smiled , her gaze falling on the clock on the wall. “I am going to get ready for bed.” Y/N said getting up. “The exam is first thing in the morning…”
Kai watched her go into the bathroom , smiling to himself trying to figure out how after all he had done , he was lucky enough to fall in love with her and to have her love him back.
About 5 minutes later there was a loud noise coming from the bathroom and Kai ran there to find Y/N on the ground unconscious. He lifted her up bringing her to their shared bed , caressing her face.
“Y/N? Can you hear me ?” he said softly. Kai tried a spell after spell , none of which seemed to heal whatever it was that had caused her to faint so suddenly. About 15 minutes passed and she was still out. Kai started to panic and he called Jo , asking her to wait for them at the hospital. Reluctantly his sister had agreed , only because it was Y/N’s life on the line.
Kai carried her to the car and ran a couple of red lights on the way to the hospital. He didn’t like this feeling - worry. It was tearing him apart on the inside. He couldn’t imagine his life without Y/N anymore , that life no longer existed for him and if something happened to her…
No. he shook his head pushing the thought away.
Jo was waiting for them at the hospital entrance with a nurse and a medical gurney. Kai lifted Y/N’s body onto it and along with his sister and the nurse went into her office. 

“Would you stop pacing like that ? It’s distracting …and annoying.” said Jo , holding a needle about to stick in Y/N’s arm for a blood sample.
Kai stopped pacing and glared at his sister. “Well I am sorry sis. The girl I love is laying unconscious and my magic couldn’t heal her. So excuse me if I feel anxious…”
Jo closed the vial turning towards her brother. “I understand you are worried , but pacing is not going to wake her up.” she said calmly. “I’ll be back as soon as the blood test is done , it should tell us whats wrong.”
“T-thank you.” Kai said.
Jo nodded and walked out.
Kai sighed , pulling a chair towards Y/N’s bed. He took her hand in his , placing a gentle kiss before stroking her cheek with his fingers.
“Please wake up.” he murmured. “I need you to wake up… I’d do anything.”
A half hour passed and slowly Y/N started regaining consciousness. She squeezed her eyes for a moment , her eyelids fluttering open . Y/N turned her head around only to find Kai starring at her with a smile and a relieved look on his face. It took her a moment to realise where they were.
“Hey … How are you feeling ?” he said softly , kissing her forehead. He could tell she was confused as to why she was in a hospital. Her eyes widened for a moment asking a silent question. Kai knew Y/N didn’t like hospitals or doctors at all and when she started to get up , he placed a hand on her shoulder and pushed her back onto the bed gently. “Shh calm down. You fainted , I couldn’t wake you up so I brought you to Jo. She um … ” he hesitated for a moment , worried if he told her they took a blood sample she might faint again or something. “… she should be back any moment now with the results.”
Y/N stared at the ceiling. “Ugh .. I hate hospitals … and blood tests.” she muttered.
Kai laughed under his breath , sitting onto the bed next to her lightly putting his hand on her stomach for a moment.  "I know you do sweetheart , but it’s OK. I’ll protect you if they try to kidnap you or anything…“ he winked at her.
"Shut up.” she laughed , punching playfully his shoulder.

Jo opened the door and both of them turned towards her in unison. Kai stood up taking a step towards his sister. Her expression was unreadable which made him even more worried. Now for sure he knew that’s the feeling he hated the most - worry.
“Glad to see you are awake.” Jo smiled at her. “Kai , you may want to sit down for this one. I know I need to.”
Kai sat on the bed holding Y/N’s hand while Jo sat on the chair next to them.
“How bad is it ?” he asked terrified of the answer. Kai hated the fact his magic hadn’t been able to help her and whatever it was , he feared he might lose her.
“Not bad at all actually.” said Jo with a small smile turning towards Y/N. “Congratulations. You are pregnant.”
“What ?” both of them asked in unison.
Y/N looked at her boyfriend’s sister , her mouth hanging open then looked at Kai who was looking at her with the same shocked expression. She was at a loss for words. Now it all made sense - her weird food cravings which she had dismissed as stress eating for the exams. Y/N hadn’t even realised her period was late because of how wrapped up with classes and exams she had been.
“I guess my future niece is a siphoner just like his father. That’s what caused Y/N to faint. The baby had probably been siphoning for a while now , it just hadn’t been this strong.” smiled Jo.
Kai placed his hand on Y/N’s stomach again smiling nervously. “I am going to be a dad ?” he looked up at the love of his life , a smile spreading across her face as she sat up in the bed. “Oh my God..!” He pulled Y/N into a hug and a passionate kiss , then he jumped up and hugged Jo in a surprise attack.
“Oh…!” she said awkwardly hugging her brother. “That’s new.” she laughed nervously. “You can take her home. I’ll try and find something that will keep those accidents from happening again.”
Jo turned around , leaving them to have their moment.
“Jo ?” Kai called out after his sister. “C-could you not tell .. father? I don’t want him … to know about … her or the baby.”
“Wasn’t planing on telling him about either..” she smiled at him , walking out of the room.

Y/N got up from the hospital bed taking a step towards her boyfriend.
“I changed my mind.” he said turning around with a serious expression on his face. “THIS is the happiest day of my life.” he smiled.
Kai shortened the distance between them in a second , his smile never leaving his face. He pulled her into a hug , lifting her off the ground and spinning her around.
“Kai ? I’m getting a little dizzy …” she laughed.
“Sorry.” he said letting her feet back on the ground. “You OK ?”
“Never better.” she said with a smile and pressed her lips against his. “We are going to be a family , Kai. I can’t believe it. This is -”
Kai shut her up with a kiss. He had never known such happiness existed let alone that it would happen to him. He knelt down in front of her lifting her shirt up and pressed his lips on her stomach while placing his hand on it. “Hello little one. I’m your dad…and I … I already love you.”
Y/N couldn’t help but smile. The scary leader of the Gemini coven was melting right under her eyes. Who would’ve thought ?
“Kai ?”
“Yes , sweetheart?” he pulled himself up until they were face to face. Y/N couldn’t find the right words to say. They were going to be a family and that was the pregnancy was the happiest thing that could’ve happened. Y/N snaked her hands around his neck pulling him closer to her (as if that was possible seeing how he had pressed his body against hers) and kissed him.
“I love you.” she said simply.
Kai lifted her up twirling her in the air. “I love you too.”

____________________________
MASTERLIST March / April 2017
MASTERLIST MAY 2017
____________________________

PROFESSOR REN II // masterlist


A/N: Ahh, sorry this took a bit, I’ve been busy all day and finally came around to write/post it! Thank you all so much for enjoying part one, I didn’t expect to get back so much feedback! I have a feeling this fic will possibly have a totally of four parts? But I’m assuming and that is if you guys want more; please let me know if you do, I’ll definitely get on to it! Anyway, here’s part two, enjoy and thank you for reading!

Warning: None

Word Count: 4.4K+


Jealousy was an understatement. The thought that the girl he had liked had fallen for someone else–that was their professor–made him sick to the stomach. Hux was furious, how could something like this happen? He was sure the feelings must’ve been mutual, you seemed interested and you were always socializing with the young man when he spoke to you…so why were you making out with Ren?

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