i am going to get punched for this

my favorite thing that Clark Kent does is try to figure out how a Normal Human Man would respond to getting injured

like if someone shoots at him he can say “oh he missed” and if someone tries to punch him he can kind of roll with it and barely avoid getting hit so they don’t smash their hand while going “oh ow oof what a punch ouch”

but then here comes the Joker with a comically large wooden mallet and now Clark has to figure out how Normal Human Man Clark Kent could conceivably survive this without making it obvious that he is not actually a Normal Human Man. just “oh goddammit i’ve never even seen someone get hit with one of these before, the joker’s probably seen all kinds of people get hit, he knows what this is supposed to look like but i have no goddamn idea i am so fucked”

superman may have the power of flight and super strength but clark kent has the power of improv

Context: Our rogue’s player, who tends to be a bit of a lurker and soft spoken recently got a job in retail.

Rogue (OOC): Wait, so the gnome ignored me and went and grabbed the potion before I checked for traps?
DM: I guess?
Rogue (OOC): Alright, my character punches him as hard as she can in the jaw.

Rogue: LISTEN UP, FUCKERS. I am sick of your bullshit. I have been busting my ass trying to prevent everyone from being killed by traps. I nearly got fireballed, filled with shrapnel, and I did get turned into a toad. So here’s the deal. You are all going to stand back and listen when I say I’m checking for traps. If you want to kill yourself with a trap, do it on your own time and don’t put the ENTIRE PARTY IN DANGER. Otherwise. You’re a liability. Don’t be a liability. Trust me on that one.

The entire room sort of stares in shocked silence at her yelling.

Ranger (OOC, a long-time retail
worker): See?! Retail makes you give no fucks and take no bullshit. I told you so.

8

get to know me [1/5] favorite tv-shows: once upon a time 
“people are gonna tell you who you are your whole life. you just gotta punch back and say, “no, this is who i am”. you want people to look at you differently? make them! you want to change things, you’re gonna have to go out there and change them yourself, because there are no fairy godmothers in this world.”

LIKE……..…….THAT RLY HAPPENED……

The Infamous Small and Tall AUs

- If you try to balance one more cup on my head I am going to punch you

- Did you just get me a fucking step stool for a present????

- I always sit on your lap because I’m smaller but you wanted to “switch things up” this time and-get the fUCK OFF OF ME I CAnt BREATHE

- Every damn time we watch the lion king you always gotta reenact that one scene and it’s not cute anymore-put mE DOWN

- Whenever we fight, I always end up hiding in a really small space so I don’t have to see you but 9/10 times I get stuck and have to call you to get me out

- What do you mean there’s a limit to how many piggy back rides I get???

Headcanon: at the wedding, Victor and Yuri (or just Victor) throw the bouquet. Phichit catches it and turns, immediately meeting Seung-gil’s eyes. Seung-gil gets this look. “Fuck no.” Phichit gets this look. “Oh fuck yes.” He had lightly been crushing on him before but now it’s FATE.

Spends the next year chasing Seung-gil around the world. Supports the fuck out of him at competitions. Always sends him the cutest little stuffed animals for the kiss and cry. Actually cries when Seung-gil places he’s so happy for him. He always crashes practices trying to get Seung-gil to dance with him.

At Leo and Guang Hong’s wedding, Seung-gil ends up SOMEHOW catching the bouquet (more like Leo punted it at his face). PHICHIT MADE DAMN SURE HE WAS RIGHT THERE.

THEY get married the next year. Live happily ever after. The Squad is complete and happy. Leo and Guang Hong lowkey high five whenever they see these two DORKS kiss.

The End.

(Bonus: Yurio and Otabek marry three years later. It’s the lamest wedding. Lasts like ten minutes before Yurio tells everyone to fuck off. But these losers are happy so The Squad doesn’t care. Victor does. He’s pissed. He wanted Yurio to ride in on a horse. Yuri tells him not every skaters wedding can be as crazy cool as theirs was. Yuri and Victor get married AGAIN bc Victor is so upset by the snooze fest Yurio’s wedding was)

Anonymous said to gotgifsandmusings:

Are you really that confident about the whole punching nazis thing? It just seems like it blurs a bit too many lines. If we designate a group of people who were allowed to punch, where does the line go? Can we kick them? Break their legs? Shoot them? Also, who exactly is it we’re allowed to do this to? Nazis, sure, but who does that include exactly? Seems like something that’s bound to go out of control. Thanks for answering, love all the stuff you do!

I am incredibly confident that you should punch all the Nazis, and you’re in the moral right for doing so.

Nazis are Nazis. It’s pretty easy to tell who is and who isn’t. Should you break their legs? If you can get away with it, but that’s tricky. Shoot them? I won’t stop you, though I’m not shooting any, and you will get caught. Kick ass? It’s your duty as a citizen of this world to kick as much Nazi ass as possible. Same with any hate group that worships fascism and genocide.

Why? Because it works. The harder we hit, and the more we hit them, the more scared they are. The less likely they are to speak, since, y'know, if they open their mouth they get their jaws broken.

So, I guess what I’m saying is, breaking jaws probably is more helpful than legs. Punch all the Nazis.

  • Jim: COME ON GUYZ WE GOTTA SAVE BRUCE
  • Bruce: *persuades Jerome at knife point not to kill him immediately by appealing to his ego, endures being tortured psychologically and physically by Jerome, tries to fight Jerome constantly but keeps gettin held back by the Killer Cult, pulls out the fucking staples in his wrist to unlock the cuffs on a tight time scale of a burner, DOES IT AGAIN AND AT TWICE THE SPEED BECAUSE HE DROPPED ONE AND HE'S RUNNING OUT OF TIME, lures Jerome away from his Cult so they can't hold Bruce back anymore, beats the shit out of Jerome to the point his face is barely staying on, decides Nah I'm better than this and walks out like the tiny badass he is*
  • Jim: I SAVED BRUCE AND PUNCHED A MAN'S FACE OFF. LET'S TAKE A MOMENT FOR ME TO PINE AFTER LEE WHO'S REJECTED ME MANY TIMES BUT I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE MULTIPLE NOS FOR AN ANSWER AND THEN GET A DRINK
  • Bruce: -__- so yeah I saved myself and then went home to do more training, no big deal-
Sick Days

marvel-is-my-life2099: I love your blog. I am sick right now and was wondering how the lost boys would deal with a girl getting sick without Peter.

—————————————————————————————————-

“Y/N, it’s time to get up!” called the Lost Boys. “Just because Peter isn’t here doesn’t mean you can just lay in bed all day.” The boys snickered. But you didn’t care. You hadn’t been feeling well the past couple of days, and when you woke up this morning, your throat hurt and your nose was stuffy. It felt like someone had punched you in the stomach.

Several times.

“Go away” you mumbled, your face buried in a pillow. You had been on the island for several weeks now, and this was the first time you had gotten sick. And, it was the day that Peter was gone to deal with Hook. GREAT.

“If you don’t get up, we are coming in there,” Felix said “and I mean ALL of us.” You growled into your pillow, but it was no use. If you stood up, you might puke, and that would not be pretty.

All of a sudden, the boys came jumping into the tent, throwing the blanket off your body and outside the tent. You kept your eyes closed, hoping that would all go away. But sadly, you were mistaken. Some of the older Lost Boys, including Felix, Peter’s right hand, grabbed you by your arms and legs and forced you to your feet.

“Guys, let me down! I’m serious!! If you don’t, I swear-” You felt your stomach start to quiver and before you could warn the boys, you lost your meals from the days prior.

—————————————————————————————————-

After your little mishap, the boys helped you change into clean pajamas and lay you gently back into bed. The boys held solemn looks on their faces, knowing that they had caused it. You tried to give them reassuring smiles, but you hurt to much, so you rolled over, closing your eyes. Everyone but Felix had left the tent. He moved closer to you, and started rubbing small circles along your back.

“Go to sleep, Y/N. You need the rest.” You proceeded to try to mumble a thank you, but your eyes drooped, and you fell asleep with a slight smile on your face.


I hope you guys enjoyed that little story! xoxo

i think the line that gets me the most is “but i hate the person i am around you, and i can’t be like that for the rest of my life”

because its aaron acknowledging that the way he is acting around robert lately is not normal and he can’t possibly go on like this and he’s sitting there crying because he loves robert but he doesn’t know how to not be the way he is and the only way to not feel paranoid and jealous seems to be to end it

please someone get aaron professional help soon he rlly needs it 

INTP Mistakes

INTP: *High energy and having a good day.*

ESFP: Hey! INTP, I know you aren’t exactly the social type, but we are having a happy hour this weekend and I though I’d at least TRY to invite you.

INTP: You know what? I think I’m up for it! I’ll go!

ESFP: Wow, that’s unexpected. Well, great! I’ll see you later.

That weekend

INTP: *In the middle of a sea of dancing drunk people* Hour four: I have nearly emptied the entire punch bowl. I am unsure of what I’ll do after that. Things are not looking good. I leave all my organs and money to science.

The first scene of season 2, probably
  • Foggy: I'm so glad we're friends again, we make such a good pairdevil.
  • Matt: Please stop.
  • Foggy: No, but really. I'm glad to see an end to the whole affairdevil.
  • Matt: Literally just stop talking.
  • Foggy: You seem a little on edge, do you want to have a sit down in that chairdevil?
  • Matt: It's like you can't even hear me.
  • Foggy: Well, you know. Compared to yours, my hearing doesn't even comparedevil.
  • Matt: You've been doing this for eight months.
  • Foggy: Oh, I'm awaredevil.
  • Matt: It's getting old.
  • Foggy: I really don't think it's losing its flairdevil.
  • Matt: I am going to punch at least six things.
  • Foggy:
  • Matt:
  • Foggy: Take caredevil.

anonymous asked:

Can you do 10, 11, and 16 with Kylo please?

Okkkk, so I saw this as a perfect opportunity to do a part 3 to the drabbles I did where Kylo helped reader get ready for a date and then they fought, so I hope you like it!

Modern AU Kylo +  “You should’ve called me.” “I thought you were still mad at me.” “I am! But you almost died. Almost dying tops missing a date. I’ll be mad at you later, but right now I’m here.” +  “Please say you’re here to stay.” +  “Open this door!”


Red. All Kylo could see was red as he threw one punch after another into the boxing bag before him. After leaving you to go on your date and confessing how he felt in a less than satisfactory way, he felt nothing but rage. All of those years he had stood beside you as your friend, making it obvious that he cared for you in ways no other friend would and hoping you reciprocate somehow. Now, he finally had his answer, you wouldn’t. 

With every punch into the bag Kylo supressed the urge to release even the slightest tear. Though he was not afraid to admit he was heartbroken over the events of the evening, he certainly wouldn’t let it show.

Finally taking a break Kylo’s chest heaved as he stared at the bag before him. Off to the side he noticed his phone buzzing, the lockscreen illuminating. With a flare of his nostrils he leaned down and picked it up.

“Hello?”

“H-hi is this Kylo?”

“What do you want?”

“Um, hey, so I wasn’t sure who else to call but uh you were the first number in the little contacts book. (Y/N) just got discharged from the hospital an-”

Kylo’s eyes flew open, “What?!!”

“S-she just got-”

“I got that part, what was she doing there?”

“She got into a car accident. She was apparently emotionally distressed and ran a red light. She’s fine but I think she needs someone to stay with her, I would but I literally just met her and it doesn’t feel right. So I’m going to leave but are you able to come or should I call someone else?”

Kylo’s heart began pounding in his chest as he rested his head against his forearm, leaning onto a wall. As much as he wanted to continue proving a point, you mattered far too much to him. He could be as angry as he wanted to, but what kind of person would he be to abandon you after an accident?

He sighed, “Yeah I’ll be there.”


Within a matter of fifteen minutes Kylo had raced back to your apartment, not even bothering to clean himself up from his boxing session. He could care less how presentable he looked, all he knew was that he had to get to you. Rushing up the steps Kylo ran up to your door and began knocking rapidly. 

“(Y/N)?”

No response.

“(Y/N)?!”

“Not here.”

Kylo huffed, “Open this door!”

You fell silent again as Kylo ran a hand through his hair.

“Open this door or I’ll do it for you!”

With a good minute passing and no response from you Kylo went to his other solution, ramming into the door. Smashing his full weight into the door at least three times, the door finally succumbed to his weight and flew open. Stumbling into the apartment Kylo attempted to steady his footing once again. You instantly turned to him in shock from your place on the couch. The instant Kylo’s eyes landed on you his heart sank. Your upper brow was bandaged, your face visibly distressed and your left arm noticeably bruised and also bandaged.

“Kylo what the fuck?”

His breathing was still heavy as he slowly approached you.

“You should’ve called me.”

“I thought you were still mad at me.”

He sighed as he sat himself on the coffee table before you, “I am! But you almost died. Almost dying tops missing a date. I’ll be mad at you later, but right now I’m here.”

Although you were upset and somewhat stunned by Kylo’s appearance, you couldn’t help but feel your heart warm at his words. Even in a moment of heated anger, he still managed to come back for you.

“So Josiah called you?”

He nodded, “Told me everything. …You shouldn’t have been driving if you were that distressed.”

“…I didn’t want to stand him up and I didn’t want to be stuck home crying alone all night.”

Kylo’s eyes solemnly looked at you for a moment before looking to the floor. He knew he had hurt you, much like you had hurt him. Seeing you now however, he regretted it more than words could express. 

“Oh…”

“Kylo…”

He looked up to you, his eyes holding a far softer appearance than they had before. His anger had finally subsided.

“Please say you’re here to stay.”

His heart sunk faintly further, hearing the hurt in your tone. Obviously he had underestimated just how much you cared. Carefully reaching forward Kylo took your hand into his, the warmth engulfing your palm pleasantly as he looked into your eyes.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

You smiled faintly as you brought his rough knuckles to your lips. The moment your lips brushed onto his skin warmth spread through his chest, a smile unable to stray from his own lips. 

Not So Cute Meet-Cutes

or, “I lie, these are still pretty cute” AUs

  • “Look person, I’m sorry I ran you over with my car but maybe you should stay in the bike lane DON’T EVEN THINK OF TAKING ME TO COURT I DON’T CARE IF YOU’R E A LAWYER… shit” AU
  • “Oh my god ohmyogd ohmy god i did not mean to punch you in the nose. there’s blood… everywhere…i think… i’m going to faint” AU
  • “ugh i hate drunk people. CONTROL YOURSELVES. what are you doing? no. NO. NO GET AWAY FROM ME! DON’T THROW UP ON MY NEW SHOES!!” AU
  • “i’m a new waiter and i am so nervous please forgive me for spilling your wine, your dinner, and your dessert on your date and then tripped onto said date as you were trying to propose. seriously. my bad.” AU
  • “we’re the only people in this section of the library and I really really needed to fart. I’M SO SORRY. PLEASE LET US FORGET ABOUT THIS. I HAD A BURRITO FOR LUNCH OKAY?!” AU
  • “i accidentally got us banned from this amusement park for life because i got mad at the mascot and decided to tackle him to the ground and you were the stranger i asked to hold my stuff” AU
  • “i tried to act cool at this concert and i thought i was leaning on a wall but apparently it was a speaker and now it’s on the ground. broken. in pieces. and everyone’s glaring at me (particularly the really hot guitarist). um…i can pay for that?” AU
  • “look it wasn’t arson alright. if i’m going to jail i want this in the public record. i set that abandoned shed on fire because it has ghosts. GHOSTS. and everyone knows the only way to kill ghosts is with fire. no officer, i’m not crazy.” AU
  • “my friend bet me that i wouldn’t make out with the next person that stepped through that door. now i seriously regret it because you are soooo much cuter than your friend. is it weird for me to flirt with you when i just had my tongue down their throat?” AU
  • “we’re both in a hostage situation and i know now isn’t the time, but what product do you use in your hair, because wow, it looks super soft. RIGHT. SORRY. NO TALKING. DON’T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT MR. HOSTAGE CRIMINAL GUY. AHAHAHAHA. *whispering* if we survive please let me know. i need to know. thanks.” AU. 

“i wanna go back in time and punch thomas jefferson in the face and tell him his macaroni sucks!!!” while that is understandable, these time travel goals are basic af and accomplish nothing. get ready for the new and exciting alternative version “i want to go back in time to talk to sally hemings and write down everything she tells me abt what she’s seen, done and felt bc unfortunately her narrative has been almost entirely obscured”

Bellamy Blake Imagine: Not Alone Anymore

Requested 

Prompts: 17.-“Well, you’re coming home with me whether you like it or not.” 
43.-“I’ve had enough! I want to be alone!”

45.-“You’re competitive and so am I, and it’s going to lead to a fight.” 
126.“You’re not interested, are you?”

Summary: Reader, Lincoln’s sister, runs from Arcadia because she can’t bear any longer how skypeople treat her. Bellamy finds her and convince her to come back, because he needs her.

Word count: 1570


Originally posted by eskimo-whispers

I was furiously punching and kicking the punching bag putting all of my anger to each punch.

With every next day I was getting more and more crazy. I didn’t know how much strength was left in me, but I was sure it wasn’t much.

I had agreed to come here with Lincoln because I had been promised better life. But after a month of being there I knew it was just a lie.

Keep reading

James x Reader x Sirius

Request: could you do a James Potter x Reader x Sirius where Sirius likes reader but reader likes James and then reader and james start going out. Then Sirius starts making out with readers best friend so reader punches him in the face. everything gets resolved in the end!! thanks, i know it’s complicated. Love your blog btw <3

@potter-the-marauder i am so sorry this has taken so long to get up!!! my life has been a hectic mess lately and I’m trying to sort everything out. i have a group research paper and a group skit and a group presentation all in different classes. progress reports come out Wednesday and I’m also trying to get into Talented Visual Arts. I’ve also started seeing a physiologist weekly because of my OCD and i’ve been getting a ton of panic attacks lately. I promise I’m trying super hard to update as often as i can, but life’s been a little tough lately.

Also this is really fucking cheesy but i couldn’t help myself.

p.s. not my best writing, this has been a shitty week. lmk if u want me to change it up or whatever or re-write.

____________________________________________________________________

“Hey, sweetheart,” Sirius greeted you as you sat down next to him at the Gryffindor table.

“Hey Sirius,” you rolled your eyes at him.

“So,” he took a deep breath, “you wanna go with me to Hogsmeade this weekend?”

“Sirius,” you sighed, “you know I have feelings for someone else.”

As if on cue, James Potter sat down next to you, “You have what for someone else?”

You blushed and Sirius had a hard expression on his face, “Let me just do you both a favor; Y/n has feelings for you, James,” he stood up and walked out the Great Hall, leaving you with your face in your hands.

James chuckled awkwardly, “T-that was weird, right?”

You sighed, “Look, James. He’s r-right. I… do like you.”

You squeezed your eyes shut and prepared yourself for rejection when al of the sudden you felt warm lips on yours. You opened your eyes in surprise. James Potter was kissing you. James Potter was kissing you!! Wait, James Potter was kissing you?

You pulled back, “W-wait, I don’t understand. You don’t like me.”

“What?” James replied, shocked, “Y/n! Are you kidding me! I’ve had a crush on you since second year. I just… never thought you might…. I don’t know, feel the same.”

You blushed and smiled, “W-well, I do.”

_____________________________________________________________________

It had been about a week since you and James had officially started dating, an you couldn’t have been happier, but something was nipping at the back of your mind. 

Sirius.

He had done his very best to avoid you and James after you began dating. You knew he had liked you for a while and it hurt that your friend wouldn’t talk to you just because you didn’t feel the same. James, being an oblivious twat (in an endearing way), had obviously not noticed his friend’s discomfort. You didn’t want to bring it up, because- while you felt a little selfish -you didn’t want James to break up with you for the sake of Sirius’s hurt feelings. 

You made your way to the Quidditch Pitch, where you were meeting James so you could play a small unorganized game with some of the other Gryffindors, when out of the corner of your eye you saw Sirius with some girl pinned up against a tree, making out furiously. You scoffed in disgust, he was such a player, the poor lass might not even know how she’ll be used and thrown away when he gets bored. As you walked passed you noticed how familiar the girl’s hair looked, how familiar she looked in general. Then, it hit you.

“Y/f/n!?” You shrieked, suddenly enraged. 

Sirius and y/f/n broke apart, your friend looked ashamed while Sirius had a knowing smirk on his lips. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing???!!” You stomped over to Sirius, you had ever been so angry in your entire life.

“Look, love,” Sirius began, obviously enjoying your furry, “I was just-”

*SMACK*

Your fist collided with Sirius’s jaw in one swift move and a harsh pop.

“Bastard!” You shouted. 

Sirius was groaning and holding his jaw.

“Y/n!?” You heard your…. boyfriend.

You turned to face James with wide eyes. How would you explain this?

“What happened?” James looked shocked, confused, and concerned.

Sirius spat on the ground and looked at with an angry sneer as you attempted to stutter out an explanation, “’Guess your girlfriend got a little jealous when she saw her best friend all over lil’ ole’ me.”

“What?” James looked at you, hurt, and your heart broke.

“No, James, I s-swear it wasn’t- he was- I mean-”

“Save it,” James said calmly, but you heard the crack in his voice, “I guess were done.”

James walked off sadly in the direction of the Quidditch Pitch, broom dragging behind him, and you turned to Sirius. 

“You son of a bitch,” you almost laughed through your anger.

“Hey,” Sirius held up his hands in defense, “You’re the one who bloody punched me. Make up your mind, why don’t you.”

Sirius and y/f/n walked away and you sat down on the ground, head in your hands. You had majorly fucked up.

____________________________________________________________________

You saw the sharp looks James and Sirius had been shooting at each other, and heard about the fights they’d gotten in. You couldn’t help but feel entirely responsible (bc u were, u btich), after all, none of this wold have happened if you had just stayed friends with them. But, you couldn’t help the little flutter you got when Sirius winked at you, nor the explosive feeling in your heart when James entered the room.  

You had had some time to think, and you realized what you needed to do.

___________________________________________________________________

“Sirius,” you began, “We need to talk.”

He turned around and looked at you with an unreadable expression, “What is it?”

“Well, I,” you took a deep breath, “I know I got jealous when I saw you kissing y/f/n, and I know that I always get butterflies in my stomach when you wink at me, and I know that you have- or had- feelings for me,” you paused and he nodded, urging you to continue, “but,” he sighed, “but,” you continued, “I don’t love you. Not like that at least. And I think, I know, I love James.”

Sirius nodded once again and you laughed, “I mean, just the way he makes me feel, like my heart is going to implode and explode at the same time when he’d not even doing anything! When anything happens, at all, he’s the first person I want to tell. The way, the way all those cheesy couples in Muggle movies look at each other, I want him to look at me like that. And I know, I know I may be a hopeless cause, he may never even look my way again, but I just can’t stop my heart from beating for him. The thought of him, feels like music. And whenever I think about him, or see him, I get that feeling. And it’s just that feeling that is so surreal and it feels like everything is right in the world and you feel like the world is ending but at the same time like life has never been better,” you laughed at your ridiculous rambling and took a breath, “and you just want it to stop because you can’t handle it but you also want to bottle it up because it’s so bloody amazing. And I know, I am not falling in love with James Potter, I’m flying in love with him. My heart will never hit the ground. There will be no fall, no end. I just want to be with him.”

Sirius looked as though he was about to cry, “That’s what I want. What you feel for James Potter; that’s what I want.”

You looked at Sirius expectantly and he continued, “I don’t love you either, I guess,” he sounded like he had an epiphany, “I guess I just love the idea of love.”

“Is all that true?” You heard James’s voice from behind you. 

You and Sirius whipped around, both embarrassed about being overheard. 

“H-how much did you hear?” You stuttered out.

“Enough,” James began, “to know I’m fucking in love with you too.”

You stopped breathing for a moment and looked into his eyes, searching for a sign that he was joking, playing a prank. There was none.

You laughed and smiled, “I’m so sorry about everything that’s been happening the past few weeks I-”

James interrupted you by literally sweeping you off your feet and kissing you passionately. 

After a few moments you broke apart and smiled at each other.

“So,” Sirius chuckled, “I’m assuming we’re good?” he asked James.

“Yeah,” he smiled and tackled his best friend in a hug.”

“Sirius,” you got his attention, “James and I may be together, but stay away from y/f/n. Don’t ruin her.”

2

“Put your cap back on,” I said. “Get out!” “What?” Annabeth shrieked. “No! I’m not leaving you.” “I’ve got a plan. I’ll distract them.” ….“But you’ll be killed!” 

“I’ll be fine. Besides, we’ve got no choice.” 

Annabeth glared at me like she was going to punch me. And then she did something that surprised me even more. 

She kissed me. “Be careful, Seaweed Brain.”

I feel like I’m years late to this party (which I am) but i’m reading this for the first time and this was cute