i am going to actually cry

i ’ v e    g o t    a    f e e l i n g    i t ’ s    n e v e r    t o o    l a t e
i close my eyes and see myself how my dreams will come true

colored&edited official sketch (x)

anyone else still sometimes catch themselves thinking about how after all those years of idolizing dave strider and after all that time in the void session wondering and anticipating and nervously awaiting this theoretical possibility that he might get the chance to meet him, dirk finally fucking sits down with dave one on one hours from the final battle and like wow fucking surprise motherfucker

he gets to find out his literal worst fears were ACTUALLY true! the version of him that dave knew actually did, in fact, do his level best to ruin dave’s life and was an abusive, toxic influence from day one and throughout to the point where dave can’t even look at him without flinching! 

this coming at a time when dirk is already horrendously low on himself, his relationship with Jake literally just blew up like 3 hours ago and if the AR thing went down even remotely the same way there was also that and holy hell dude what a time to be informed about the existence of Bro Strider. Dirk is sitting there thinking he was a toxic influence to Jake from moment one and probably all of his friends the whole time and here Dave is confirming everything from a parallel perspective? 

you can just see this horrible gut clenching moment when this utterly defeated Dirk just meekly accepts that this other version of himself is reflective of his true innermost self and has justifiably ruined any chance he ever had of impressing or even knowing Dave

– and then you see Dave just immediately lift it off him, even get kinda angry at him for having the audacity to even try accepting it that way, you can FEEL Dave’s fucking confusion because he went in guns blazing expecting a confrontation with someone as impossible and inscrutable as Bro was. Dave went in expecting to punch a brick wall and get nowhere, and instead he got Dirk “you’re absolutely right and I’m so fucking sorry I ruined your life” Strider 

and from Dirk’s pov, listening to this, watching this, having this realization that this dave isn’t an untouchable, aloof, mysterious and mythical heroic figure of legend at all, but that only makes him MORE worthy of idolization in all the ways that genuinely matter – and simultaneously thinking that he’s already sabotaged himself out of the chance to know him at all.

It’s like, god, you know those hyperrealistic nightmares people have sometimes that are so fucking scary because they’re indistinguishable from real life, the ones where after you wake up it takes a long time for the understanding that it was actually just a dream to hit you and then you want to cry with relief? 

For Dirk this had to have been so much like that, the whiplash between being 100% sure that Dave was just going to say what he needed to say and then never speak to him again (and knowing Dirk would have considered it completely justified and never questioned his right to do so jesus christ) followed IMMEDIATELY by Dave just being like no you don’t get it, THIS you, this version of you, what I am looking for deep down in my fucking SOUL is for this you that you are right now to be a person that I can have in my life to tell me that I’m okay, that you’re okay, that WE’RE okay – and after fifteen minutes talking to you I can already immediately tell that you ARE that person. 

Dirk’s friends were always only interested in denying the possibility that Dirk could ever truly become a monster, they could never have possibly understood just how DARK Dirk is at his most self destructive, and that’s part of why their reassurances were always hollow for him – they didn’t GET IT, right, they never could have followed the rabbit hole all the way down, so what did they know? But this guy, Dave Strider, has literally seen Dirk at his worst, has lived through the actual reality of the worst things living inside the full-picture potential of Dirk Strider, has dealt with that to great personal detriment and is fucking STILL sitting here telling him “I can tell that you are different, I can tell that you are better, and I am willing to trust you and help you to become a better person than the guy I knew because at the end of the fucking day, you are too important to me to give up on”

like yeah confronting dirk with all of that was what dave needed absolutely but BEING confronted and ultimately forgiven by dave was what dirk needed too, just as much

in conclusion homestuck is good

text post sentence starters  /  original version here

  • “bro, you look so cute right now. dude, you are so fucking adorable.”
  • “wanna watch this murder documentary with me?”
  • “i may act like i’m sassy but if you’re mean to me there’s a 900% chance i’ll cry.”
  • “i may act like I’m clueless but actually know what’s going on at al times.”
  • “attention: i need attention.”
  • “i don’t have a nervous system. i’m a nervous system.”
  • “drugs? no thanks, the only ‘high’ i need is the natural rush you get from commiting a murder.”
  • “i think i’m subconsciously trying to ruin my own life.”
  • “why fall in love when you can fall on the floor and never get up?”
  • “i try not to sound like an asshole but it’s really hard because i am an asshole.”
  • “i don’t want to look 'pretty’, i want to look otherwordly and vaguely threatening.”
  • “i’m the nicest, sweetest, most rage-filled person i know.”
  • “girls are so soft and amazing and nice and beautiful and mysterious and complex and loving and caring. i don’t remember what i was going to say but i’m just gay.“
  • "i’d love to relax but that’s just not realistic.”
  • “contrary to popular belief i’m actually soft and have feelings.”
  • “this could be less hetero.”
  • “to be honest i just need a hug.”
  • “why can’t I be mentally chill instead of mentally ill?”
  • “this is it, this is how i die: lack of attention.”
  • “are we just friends or is this flirting serious?”
  • “i have this problem where i isolate myself from civilization and then get upset because i’m lonely.”
  • “i may be ugly but at least i have an ugly personality too. consistency is key.”
  • “i don’t wanna get involved in drama i just wanna know 103% of the information on what happened.”
  • “i am bysexual as in i’m not interested, goodbye.”
  • “i could win an olympic gold medal in being ignored.”
  • “fill your heart with bees. if someone breaks your heart then they have to deal with the bees.”
  • “i’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.”
  • “i panic a lot of other places besides the disco.”
  • “which layer of hell do you think you’re going to?”
  • “my kink is being right.”
  • “my kink is being home alone.”
  • “you’re really sensitive for a selfish asshole.”
  • “i can tell myself to be heartless but in all reality, i have a big heart and can’t treat people badly, that’s just not me.”
  • “what about netflix and kill?”
  • “no offense but why does everyone hate me?”
  • “i’m a strong independent introvert who don’t need no social life.”
  • “why do i get struggles instead of snuggles?”
  • “if a conversation goes on too long without being about me, i’m out.”
  • “i’m small, queer and something to fear.”
  • “all this sadness is bad for my skin.”
  • “i’m cute and perfect but also unstable, violent and self-destructive”
  • “i’m beautiful and underappreciated.”
  • “she’s beauty, she’s grace, she’s me.”
  • “sorry for being awesome, loser.”
  • “is 'no’ an emotion? because i’m feeling it.”
6

get to know me: favorite female character → the ‘avatar: the last airbender’ girls
“I’m a warrior, but I’m a girl too.”

Musical Shitpost

this is what happens when i watch mama mia with my mum and we both cry at meryl streep

team voltron love musicals. this is a fact. but who loves what

keith:

  • keith loves legally blonde
  • he can’t help it
  • the music is all so fun
  • and they all have such a good time and no one ends up hurt except a couple assholes
  • every time he watches it he starts to sing the song what you want at lance behind his back
  • no one minds
  • hunk and him do a perfect duet of serious

shiro:

  • this man loves les mis
  • he doesn’t hide it either, his jean val jean impression is spot on
  • sometimes he’s found doing his eyeliner singing both parts of a duet to the mirror
  • often it’s the confrontation
  • he isn’t good at it
  • he cries whenever a character dies too which is hard
  • because like
  • they all die

allura:

  • you do not wanna get between this woman and wicked
  • she used to love hamilton but as soon as she heard no good deed she fell in love
  • she can hit all the high notes especially in deying gravity
  • she tried to make keith duet what is this feeling but he couldn’t learn the lyrics
  • sometimes she and lance sing popular together and lance kills it as glinda
  • she refers to the mice as munchkins sometimes

hunk:

  • THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC
  • when lance is sad he sings my favourite things and it chers him up without fail
  • he has a playlist of his favourite sound of music songs to go to sleep listening to
  • spoiler alert: it’s all of them
  • he convinced the team to do do re mi together and it almost made him cry when they did
  • once when they found a planet where the hills actually were alive he almost died imitating julie andrews
  • he still says it would have been worth it

pidge:

  • i don’t know if you know this but pidge and heathers go together like shiro and suffering
  • candystore is her anthem
  • and whenever lance pisses her off which is a lot she belts out yo girl around the ship
  • losing rover put her into full on i am damaged mode for weeks
  • lifeboat makes her sad because it reminds her how much of her family she’s lost. sometimes she’ll be alone in her room crying thinking how much she’s lost. no one knows.
  • dead girl walking reprise puts her back in a good mood though so it’s fine

lance:

  • i bet you thought this would say high school musical
  • everyone loves highschool musical lance isn’t a basic bitch
  • although he does love it
  • lance‘s favourite is obviously mamma mia and i’m not just saying that because i just watched it
  • it has meryl streep in it for christsake
  • and abba
  • dancing queen is his anthem but lay all your love on me is pretty awesome to him too
  • winner takes it all still makes him cry with pride
  • he’s sung S.O.S about both hunk and keith at different times and same times. they are so perfect for it
  • the musical both makes him incredibly happy and incredibly homesick. use only when needed

coran:

  • avenue q of course
  • this was the first musical he’d ever heard and every one since has been a disappointment in comparison
  • he sang everyone’s a little bit racist to allura when she was having her issues with keith
  • it didn’t help
  • he sang if you were gay when keith first got his crush on lance
  • it didn’t help
  • when lance had to handle keith’s bonding moment issue he sang mixtape
  • it helped.

kaltenecker

  • grease all the way
  • alone at a drive in moo-vie is his favourite
  • beauty school dropout also resonates deep in his heart
  • this is the only musical the poor cow has seen, he saw it when lance watched it with shiro
  • grease is the word was a spiritual experience


im sorry this is what i made tonight

BONUS:

  • zarkon likes Hairspray purely for Miss Baltimore Crabs
  • haggar enjoys chorus line surprisingly
  • shay adores RENT in every way
  • the blades of marmora watch rocky horror regularly and each have assigned roles to sing. ulaz was dr frank n furter
  • lotor is high school musical 2. he wants fabulous.
  • varkon likes shrek the musical.
funny story

so when i was in like 6th grade, we were taking a test and the room was silent. well my pencil broke so i had gotten up to go sharpen it. but I, being the wierdo I am, had to sing on the way to sharpening my pencil. the tune I sang wasn’t an actual song, but it went a little something like “gotta get your hoes, go get your hoes, don’t forget your hoe hoe hoessss.” i’ll remind you that at this time i was an innocent little 6th grader (but the rest of the class wasn’t). after I had repeated that about 3-4 my teacher got curious what I was singing. when I told him and sang it to the whole class, everyone was laughing except the teacher. he immediately called the principal and i started crying. i didn’t know what was happening. when the teacher asked why I was crying, I said it was because I was confused. i was wailing because i didn’t know i could get in trouble for singing about gardening tools. so about 2 minutes pass and I’m balling on the floor with boogers everywhere. and the principal walks in (just great). about 5 minutes pass and no one is able to talk to me, they are sitting there interrogating me on why i would sing about such things. for some reason, i just kept crying even worse than before. so imagine that every time anyone said something, a little kid just cried louder until the voices would stop. so finally I stop crying. and the teacher/principal (I don’t remember which one) asks me why I cried so hard. and all I had to say was “i didn’t know i could get in such big trouble for singing about a gardening tool…” and that’s when everyone even the teacher started laughing their asses off. and that’s also when I started crying again…

6

My Brother, My Brother, and Me (dir. J.D. Amato, 2017)

              A small portion of some of my favourite quotes from classic literature. Feel free to change and adjust them to your needs!


“ I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape. ”
“ Don’t cry, I’m sorry to have deceived you so much, but that’s how life is. ”
“ I am fearless, and therefore powerful. ”
“ Why are women so much more interesting to men than men are to women? ”
“ Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know ”
“ Unless he is suffering, how can you be sure that he is obeying your will and not his own? ”
“ I have great faith in fools - self-confidence my friends will call it. ”
“ Do you know where the wicked go after death? ”
“ Actually that’s my secret — I can’t even talk about you to anybody because I don’t want any more people to know how wonderful you are. ”
“ Will you love me in December as you do in May? ”
“ Hell is empty and all the devils are here! ”
“ Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear. ”
“ You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you. ”
“ I have gone to the forest. ”
“ I got you to look after me, and you got me to look after you, and that’s why. ”
“ One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well. ”
“ Experience is merely the name men gave to their mistakes. ”
“ If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself. ”
“ The truth is rarely pure and never simple. ”
“ Power is in inflicting pain and humiliation. ”
“ Some are born great, others achieve greatness. ”
“ I didn’t mean no harm. ”
“ My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know? ”
“ If I cannot inspire love, I will cause fear! ”
“ And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good. ”
“ I want to ruin you ”
“ What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love. ”
“ To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths! ”
“ If I knew myself, I’d run away. ”

me, crying: this is it. this is the end. i’m actually going to end it once and for all right here right now.

friend: hey! just wanted to tell you that i love you and that you make me really happy

me: omg i am LIVING!!! this is the happiest i’ve ever been,, queen of recovery, depression who?? i don’t think i’ve ever felt true happiness until right now

Fairy Tail Dragon Cry Spoilers

Hello guys, so today in Japan, Fairy Tail Dragon Cry released. I have seen spoilers a lot today but some I would love to share with you. 


First spoiler, is the starry sky scene. I love it, and I honestly can’t wait to see the movie itself.


Second spoiler, according to a translator on twitter, Natsu says “What do you see? (How do I look?) Lucy…” and Lucy responds with, “Natsu…” and he smiles, “Your definetely natsu” Which makes me scream because I didn’t think that would be her response actually because people were speculating this since we saw the first two trailers and natsu said, “Lucy, What do I look like to you?”


Third Spoiler… I uhh really don’t know what’s going on here but I am pretty sure Lucy was chained up by one of the royal people and Fairy Tail came to the rescue especially Natsu becayse he is the one who broke the chain and now is carrying her it seems.


Forth Spoiler, Lucy in this seems to be crying at first I thought that dude which if I am not mistaken’s name is Zash but I am not completely for sure since I have been mainly looking at the trailers. It seems as if he is threatening her and that’s when it looks like the wall is opened because of who I think is Natsu because he wants to save his bae. (Nalu shipper here duh)


So I translated this page actually! in the first panel natsu is actually screaming: ARGH!!!! Lucy see’s him and says “Natsu?” and as he is going towards whoever, Lucy says “Natsu…Your a bit late!” 


i WAS WAY TO LAZY TO TRANSLATE this page honestly but Natsu is carrying Lucy and I am pretty sure this is the scene was saw from Trailer 3. 


I didn’t translate this one either but yeah, here’s another spoiler.


I don’t know if this is the scene that people have been posting all over instagram where we do see Natsu hold Lucy or if this is just him collapsing in her arms and her confront him. It could honestly be two different scenes or like I said the one I have been seeing ALL OVER instagram that made me scream this morning, lmao.


This is the starry night scene I’m pretty sure. The first attempt of my translations for this, Natsu said “We had a relationship together, and I lost it… Lucy.” and then at the Lucy’s panel had said, “A stella Starry Sky.” and then the one with them looking off said “Love” or “It is cute.” Which I don’t know if this means anything or if I screwed up freaking bad translating but whatever I tried dudes.


The attempt to TRANSLATE this was like me trying to swim, it was drowning me. For natsu’s head and lucy looking up to it, I couldn’t get his translation but for her I got “I will do it. You guard by the guard watch…” and then I also got the translations : “There is nothing more than a crowd, so its hard to emphatize with me… and others…. oh yeah, it must be true.” and for Natsu I got :Come here, here it is/ Rescue Loya (Which is probaly actually Sonya) Actually is the code name.” Which didn’t really make sense to me but I tried. 


MY REACTION AFTER THESE : 

Originally posted by vieilleotaku

Also…

Originally posted by nbcthevoice

COME HERE FASTER!! IT DOESN’T RELEASE IN THE USA TILL JUNE 6TH AND I WANT IT TO COME AS FAST AS ADAM LEVINE HITTING THE I WANT YOU BUTON

TBT: a journey

About two months ago I was hate-watching the finale of Pretty Little Liars because I started watching it as a joke and got roped in by gays and murder and Troian Bellisario’s voice. Anyway there was this preview for this show and these 3 chicks were screaming at a subway.  And I wasn’t sure what was going on…Cosmo? That chick from Faking It? Cute black girl? Some white chick with a bougie name like Sutton? No thanks.

And then there was a preview during the PLL finale where they were talking with the chick from Faking It about orgasms.  And the other white girl and her black friend were being funny and the white girl had this line “Loving the can-do spirit!” And it made me chuckle.  So then when PLL ended I was like “eh…what the hell”.

And then I realized wait, these 3 chicks are super supportive of each other? And feel like real friends?

Oh and bougie Sutton is actually super relatable and hilarious, but also just really hardworking.

Oh and there was this boss, who is the chick from The Office, and when you think she’s just going to be a Devil Wears Prada rip off she’s actually really supportive of her staff and inspiring? 

And all of a sudden I’m just…What the hell am I watching? Why does this feel so rare and why am I smiling?

Oh wait…and then there was a LESBIAN MUSLIM RABBIT HOLE.  

And this character Adena, and Kat, and Kat doesn’t know if she likes girls. 

And all of a sudden I’m crying because this hits so close to home. And then she has a revelation at a gosh dang SOUL CYCLE class and it’s so absurd yet feels the most real any scene I’ve ever seen and it’s paired with Sutton negotiating a salary?! And I’m watching this nonsense and screaming: WHAT IS THIS GEM OF A SHOW!!!

And then some drama happened and Tiny Jany (because that’s what we call her because she’s tiny) might have a BRCA gene and she just sobs and I am sobbing with her. And they all get in a bathtub together and it’s the cutest goddamn scene ever.

Oh and then Kadena (because that’s what they’re called now because I just dove right into the trash of shipping this shit so hard) have the type of angst and slow burn that normally the straight whites have.  And they have this drawn out ROMANCE. That usually only happens in movies!

And they have the epic airport goodbyes, and the slow sex scene (in an airport).  
And now I’m this grown ass woman in her 20s with like a grown up job going…WHAT TYPE OF DARK MAGIC IS THIS SHOW AND WHY AM I SO SHOCKED THAT THIS IS ON TV BECAUSE IT’S LITERALLY SO NORMAL AND BEAUTIFUL AND I FEEL SO UNDERSTOOD.

Because Kat not knowing how to label herself is real. And Kat being terrified of relationships is real.  And Tiny Jane living the dream but still wanting more for herself and to take risks is real. And Sutton Brady is just the realest character out there.

I regret nothing from that random decision a few months ago. 

No seriously what THE FUCK is up with dans new found confidence I love this boy so much he is so pretty everyday I wake up to new beautiful Dan pictures I am actually crying I can’t believe Dan Howell himself just decided “wow I’m going to actually just RUIN everybody on this trip” he’s just so good I love him so much I would die for Dan he really sat down and painted his nails glitter wow I’m truly in love he’s just so pretty and confident god I wish that were me

Sentence starters
  • Based on famous text-posts
  • "Bro, you look so cute right now. Dude, you are so fucking adorable."
  • "Wanna watch this murder documentary with me?"
  • "I may act like I'm sassy but if you're mean to me there's a 900% chance I'll cry."
  • "I may act like I'm clueless but actually know what's going on at al times."
  • "ATTENTION: I need attention."
  • "I don't have a nervous system. I'm a nervous system."
  • "Drugs? No thanks, the only 'high' I need is the natural rush you get from commiting a murder."
  • "I think I'm subconsciously trying to ruin my own life."
  • "Why fall in love when you can fall on the floor and never get up?"
  • "I try not to sound like an asshole but it's really hard because I am an asshole."
  • "I don't want to look 'pretty', I want to look otherwordly and vaguely threatening."
  • "I'm the nicest, sweetest, most rage-filled person I know."
  • "Girls are so soft and amazing and nice and beautiful and mysterious and complex and loving and caring. I don't remember what I was going to say but I'm just gay."
  • "I'd love to relax but that's just not realistic."
  • "Contrary to popular belief I'm actually soft and have feelings."
  • "This could be less hetero."
  • "To be honest I just need a hug."
  • "Why can't I be mentally chill instead of mentally ill?"
  • "This is it, this is how I die: Lack of attention."
  • "Are we just friends or is this flirting serious?"
  • "I have this problem where I isolate myself from civilization and then get upset because I'm lonely."
  • "I may be ugly but at least I have an ugly personality too. Consistency is key."
  • "I don't wanna get involved in drama I just wanna know 103% of the information on what happened."
  • "I am bysexual as in I'm not interested, goodbye."
  • "I could win an Olympic gold medal in being ignored."
  • "Fill your heart with bees. If someone breaks your heart then they have to deal with the bees."
  • "I'm so tired of not being a multimillionaire."
  • "I panic alot of other places besides the disco."
  • "Which layer of hell do you think you're going to?"
  • "My kink is being right."
  • "My kink is being home alone."
  • "You're really sensitive for a selfish asshole."
  • "I can tell myself to be heartless but in all reality, I have a big heart and can't treat people badly, that's just not me."
  • "What about netflix and kill?"
  • "No offense but why does everyone hate me?"
  • "I'm a strong independent introvert who don't need no social life."
  • "Why do I get struggles instead of snuggles?"
  • "If a conversation goes on too long without being about me, I'm out."
  • "I'm small, queer and something to fear."
  • "All this sadness is bad for my skin."
  • "I'm cute and perfect but also unstable, violent and self-destructive"
  • "I'm beautiful and underappreciated."
  • "She's beauty, she's grace, she's me."
  • "Sorry for being awesome, loser."
  • "Is 'no' an emotion? Because I'm feeling it."

i just made this announcement over on twitter, but like, let’s be real, i’ve been on this horrible blue hell site since i was 16 - and i’m turning 24 on sunday, so that’s essentially a third of my life, yikes - and you guys are wonderful and i love you and you deserve to hear it here first. so.

as most of you know, i finished my first manuscript earlier this year, and i’ve been reservedly liveblogging the absurdly nerve-wracking process of querying agents and throwing my novel out to the wolves. 

and i’m so happy to finally be able to tell you that i’ve accepted an offer of literary representation from brooks sherman of janklow & nesbit associates.

i first became aware of brooks a couple of years ago when my best friend lena, who was loyally and devotedly beta-reading one of my early drafts, suggested i check out becky albertalli’s “simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda.” she thought simon was an exemplary gay ya romance, exactly the kind of thing i was hoping to do. and she was right: simon instantly became one of my favourite books, and becky became one of my favourite authors. i pledged to myself that when i finally worked up the nerve to start talking to agents, i would talk to the guy who helped make simon happen.

but it took a long time. like, a long time. i started writing “teenage victory song” - the name of my novel, a contemporary gay YA love story, hopefully coming soon to a bookstore near you! - back in 2013. specifically, during an 11:30 PM gchat with grace on wednesday, december 11, 2013, which i have archived for historical preservation. so grace is getting the dedication when this thing goes out, naturally. but, yeah, i started writing it in 2013, and only just finished it this spring, and only with the help of some truly incredible people and loyal friends and family - way too many to name here, but you know who you are, and thank you. i love you. if i hadn’t had your love and your support to battle the little grey cloud of depression and trauma and persistent economic instability that hangs over me 24/7, i’d never have gotten this far. writing this book, and keeping myself mentally healthy and happy enough to finish it, is the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do. 

i also need to thank benjamin alire saenz, andre alexis, dennis bock, anne michaels, and mallory ortberg for reading various permutations of this manuscript and believing in it and giving me their writerly advice on it. i love all y’all. and, of course, major, major thanks to the lambda literary association, who do so much incredible work for so many lgbt authors, and to whom i will be forever in debt.

i just don’t have words for the fact that brooks read my manuscript and said yes, that he said wow, that he believes in me and in what i’m trying to do with my writing. he represents so many authors whose work i’ve been continually blown away by, and it is patently ridiculous and surreal that i get to stand next to them now? i’ve already mentioned becky albertalli, whose work has done so much to humanize young lgbt people and to normalize gay love for a mainstream audience. or adam silvera, who just put queer boys of colour on the new york times bestsellers list with “they both die at the end,” which i am presently reading and crying over and having my internal organs ripped out by. and last, but definitely not fucking least, angie thomas, who wrote “the hate u give,” very possibly the most important young adult novel of the last twenty years, a heartbreaking and compassionate and warmly funny complete and total masterwork that i inhaled in less than two days. like, i really don’t. have words. these are people who have been heroes of mine for so long. i just started actually crying so i’m going to have to wrap this up lmao.

i grew up in an intensely homophobic and conservative christian household, and when i was probably eleven or twelve i somehow came into possession of a copy of “a great and terrible beauty” by libba bray. i don’t remember anything about it except that it had a subplot involving two girls who kissed each other on the mouth, and when they kissed each other on the mouth, i was so viscerally horrified that i started bawling, and i stood up, walked upstairs to the garbage disposal, and tore the book apart with my bare hands. watched the pages filter down into the garbage. and i don’t, like. i don’t like to damage books. i don’t even fold corners because i don’t like to crease the pages. i still remember it all these years later because my first reaction upon recognizing myself in that kiss was to literally destroy it. and i had to keep that part of myself buried for so many years. reading lgbt ya and fanfiction was some of the only escape i had. i wasn’t able to come out until i was eighteen years old, and when i did, it ultimately meant becoming estranged from my mother forever.

i have so much love and tenderness and compassion for all those previous, wounded versions of me, who went through so much, who hated themselves so much, who spent so much of their teens and early twenties being depressed and closeted and suicidal and dreaming of the day when they might get to be an author. you fucking did it, buddy. i love you so much and i am so proud of everything you did to survive and keep creating.

in conclusion,

Bts reaction to you using the safe word

Request: Bts reaction to hearing you say the safe word during rough sex with them

Genre: smut/angst

A/N: I am so happy my ask box isn’t dusty anymore


Jin

When you said it Jin got hella scared. He’ll stop right away, clean you up without saying anything, then cuddle you repeating only “I’m sorry, my love.”

Originally posted by jjilljj

Yoongi

Will get scared of himself. Because when he actually stopped he saw you were crying and you were begging him. He never ever wanted to hurt you, but he let the beast inside him take the wheel and now he did that. After he stopped dressed you, kissed you and said sorry, he’ll excuse himself to go sleep on the couch because he felt guilty. You let him, but once he was asleep, you put all your efforts in getting to the couch and cuddle his scared form.

Originally posted by mvssmedia

Namjoon

He knew he went too far. Namjoon didn’t knew your boundries so when you shouted out the word, he got surprised and after that guilty for not knowing your limits. After this situation you two put clear boundries on what you can and can’t go trough.

Originally posted by daeguboy

Hoseok

He’ll feel bitter for the next few days, sorry for what he did. He’ll try to keep his distance from you, thinking what he should do from now on, because that was the first time he let out frustration in that way and it didn’t end well for you and you were his temple.

Originally posted by jjeonguk

Jimin

Jiminie will cuddle you like a teddy bear the weeks after the accident. He’ll blame himself all the time, while you asured him everything is okay remembering the tears that threaten to leave his eyes when he heard you crying in pain.

Originally posted by yourpinkpill

Taehyung

Tae would be speechless. He never thought you’ll use The word. He’ll forget about himself, only thinking about you, he’ll ask you constantly about how you feel what you need, how he can help. Tae didn’t mean it and you knew it. Of course you forgave him, you weren’t mad at him in the first place.

Originally posted by toughchim

Jungkook

Jungkookie honestly got so scared for you and what he did. For the next few days he made sure to occupy himself with work so he won’t feel the guilt and self-anger,but he did, so he came home, kissed you so much, repeating “Sorry’

Originally posted by sugutie


Reaction Masterlist

(  LOVE  /  HATE  SENTENCE  STARTERS.

change pronouns to your liking / as you see fit!

❛ I hate that I love you. ❜
❛ I can’t stand the fact that I love you. ❜
❛ I’d rather die than spend one more second loving you. ❜
❛ If I could, I would make myself fall out of love with you. ❜
❛ Why is it so hard for to love me the way I do you? ❜
❛ I love you but please get out of my sight.  ❜
❛ I never said that I loved you.. ❜
❛ I love you but not that much. ❜
❛ You’re confusing the words love and like with one another. ❜
❛ Did you really think that I could ever love you? ❜
❛ We are not meant to love one another. ❜
❛ The last thing I want to do with you is love you. ❜
❛ I feel like I’m waiting on something that isn’t going to happen. ❜
❛ Here we go, here we go again. Now you’re telling me that you love me. ❜
❛ You only tell me you love me when you’re drunk or need something. ❜
❛ You say you love me and then turn around do this? ❜
❛ I’ve doubted this whole relationship ever since it started. ❜
❛ I don’t want to be in love with you anymore. ❜
❛ I never asked fall in love with you! ❜
❛ It’s not my fault that you love me more than I love you. ❜
❛ I’m tired of you walking all over my heart and emotions! Someday, mark my word. ❜
❛ One day, I will fall out of love with you and I cannot wait for that day to come. ❜
❛ I miss you but I’m better off without you around. ❜
❛ I want to push you off a cliff but hurry and be there to catch you at bottom. ❜
❛ I want to strangle you sometimes but then quickly bring you back to life. ❜
❛ I’m drowning in you and I don’t think even I can save myself. ❜
❛ Have a nice life, I’m done trying to be in it. ❜
❛ I couldn’t let go of you even if I literally did. ❜
❛ I could let go of you but I would still be there, standing, unmoving. ❜
❛ I don’t want to be saved from drowning in you. ❜
❛ All you do is break me and all I do is love you for it. ❜
❛ I wish that my hate for you would override the love. ❜
❛ The love I have for you overrides the hate I have for you. ❜
❛ I’m in misery with and without you. ❜
❛ I’m just as miserable without you as I am with you. ❜
❛ I just want you to stop hurting me! Is that so hard? ❜
❛ Why can’t you see? All you do is play with my emotions. ❜
❛ I’m tired of this roller coaster ride with you. ❜
❛ Please spare me the apology that I’ve heard so many times before. ❜
❛ I’m used to it by now, okay? I almost expect it. ❜
❛ Is it bad for me to say that I’m used to it? ❜
❛ I wouldn’t know how to act if you started treating me better. ❜
❛ I am so stuck with this love for you, I want it to go away. ❜
❛ I spend more time crying than anything because of you. ❜
❛ You say it’s the last time every time. ❜
❛ How many more times are you going to apologize and I just forgive you? ❜
❛ I’m weakened by your words every time. ❜
❛ I feel like a puppet and your the puppet master, just doing whatever while I suffer. ❜
❛ I’ve long lost the thought that you actually cared. ❜
❛ i’m hurting while I’m with you.. ❜
❛ I just keep on running right back to you. ❜
❛ I don’t want to let it go, I can’t let it go. ❜
❛ I fight the whole world for you if I have too. ❜
❛ I’m not giving up on us having happiness one day. ❜
❛ This love is taking all my energy. ❜
❛ This love will be the death of me but I know I’ll die happily. ❜
❛ Though my heart can’t take no more I keep running back to you. ❜
❛ My heart is beating for you but I can’t stop crying. ❜
❛ All the things we accept, be the things we regret. ❜
❛ I don’t know how I allow you to treat me so bad and still I stay. ❜
❛ When I get the strength to leave you, you always tell me you need me. ❜
❛ I’m mad because I love you. ❜
❛ I stop to think you could appreciate me then it all remains the same. ❜
❛ My biggest fear is that you will never change. ❜
❛ I’m sad and in love, that’s not how it’s supposed to go. ❜
❛ At this point I’m bulletproof with you, so hit me with your best shot. ❜
❛ Will you ever get tired of hurting me? Will I ever get tired of letting you hurt me? ❜
❛ The last thing I want is to go back but I know I will because I’m weak. ❜
❛ You are biggest downfall. ❜
❛ You are the piece of me I wish I didn’t need. ❜
❛ I still fight and I don’t know why. ❜
❛ If our love is insanity, why are you my clarity? ❜
❛ It’s so hard to love someone who doesn’t know how to love. ❜
❛ I’m feeling really unappreciated but that’s not new.  ❜
❛ I don’t know how much more my heart can take. ❜
❛ So sad what love will make you do. ❜
❛ I can’t stand how much I need you. ❜
❛ When will this ever finally come to it’s end? You and me? ❜
❛ Everything you do makes me smile and I like you for a while. ❜
❛ You know exactly what to do so I can’t stand at you. ❜
❛ I despise that I adore you. ❜
❛ You completely know the power that you love. ❜
❛ It’s not fair how you take advantage of the fact that I love you beyond the reason why. ❜
❛ You’ll probably always have this affect on me. ❜
❛ Tell a lie that makes me want to stay, like you always do. ❜
❛ If it’s real then I guess I’ll feel the pain. ❜
❛ It’s hard to love someone who can’t be loved. ❜
❛ This love I can’t undo, you got me bound to you. ❜
❛ Please, don’t tell me that you love me. ❜
❛ I would’ve given you all my heart but there’s someone who’s torn it a part. ❜
❛ I’ll try to love again but I know the first cut is the deepest. ❜
❛ When it comes to loving me, he’s worst. ❜
❛ You say the words but it just don’t feel right. ❜
❛ You say you’ve changed but we both you’re begging, don’t fool me. ❜
❛ You say you dream of my face but you don’t like me, you just like the chase. ❜
❛ I bet you start loving me when I find somebody else, somebody better than you. ❜
❛ I’m letting you go, I’m loving myself. ❜
❛ I’m going crazy without you, you got me so confused. ❜
❛ All you have to do is that ‘i’m sorry’ and ‘i’m in love with you.’ ❜
❛ You’re truth is hard to believe. ❜
❛ You walked away and I walked away but we should’ve stayed. ❜