i am giving out the gifts man

Wrong number, right person

Steve x Reader
WC
2001
Summary You get a text message from an unknown number and it sets the ball rolling into what could be the start of something wonderful.
Warnings swearing, fluff :D
AN This was written for @howlingbarnes challenge (Happy birthday!). The word I chose was Forelsket (Norwegian/Danish) - The intense, almost unreal feeling that comes with the beginning of love; when you start to fall in love.


Your phone went off, startling you from your painting.

See you at 8!

Furrowing your brow, you panicked. Did you have plans with someone and forgot? You often did that, especially when you were in your zone. Quickly glancing at the contact you noticed that it was an unrecognized number. Breathing a sigh of relief, you texted back Wrong number! Sorry.

A few moments later, you phone went off again Isn’t this Cynthia?

Now you were getting annoyed No.

Your phone rang. Who actually uses a phone to make phone calls? “Hello?”

“May I please speak with Cynthia?” The voice was deep and not unpleasant.

“Sorry buddy, you’ve got the wrong number.”

“I see. And whom am I speaking with?”

Sighing heavily, “My name is Y/N. Who’s this?” Why would you just give this strange man your name?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!

“Y/N. That’s a really pretty name. I’m Steve. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

You couldn’t help but giggle, “Hi Steve.”

“Well isn’t that the prettiest sound.”

You could feel your face heating up with embarrassment and you cleared your throat, “So, um, Steve, this has been lovely but I’ve got to go and you’ve got to figure out how to get in touch with this Cynthia lady.”

He let out a chuckle, a low, deep sound that made you smile in spite of yourself, “You have yourself a lovely evening, Y/N. Talk soon.”

“Wait, what?” but he had already disconnected the line. Talk soon? Why? You shook your head and went back to your painting but your focus had been interrupted and you couldn’t get back into it.

Keep reading

This is for @getmcfucked. At first it was because she and I are at war and throwing fluff at each other has turned out to be a pretty effective tactic, but now it’s just a gift I’m hoping will make her happy.

You’re awesome, love, and I am so glad that I’ve met you <3

Samuel McAllister: Day 38 - Fucking Crazy For You

Transcription of Day 38

Samuel McAllister:

It’s March 7th. I still can’t believe how much I have changed since the accident that led me to Doctor D. Prior to that I was an Average Joe with a lot of extra pounds around my waist. Moreover, I was a homophobe who thought that gay people were living in sin. I participated in demonstrations against marriage equality. I donated money to organisations that hurt our LGBTIQ community. I taught my children that gay people were doomed to go to hell. I repeated the words our reverend told us in our church that it was the right thing to do to hate homosexuals. Today, I have realized what a fool I used to be when I was condemning people for being different. I deeply regret what I did since finding out the gay man inside of me, and step by step I’m accepting my true self. I can’t apologize enough for my past actions. That’s another reason why I won’t hide myself in public. Yes, being dressed in leather and rubber does turn me on. But it’s also my statement against bigot people. It’s my ‘I’m queer! I’m here! I won’t going anywhere!’ It’s my way of provocation. All these people can look at me. They can stare at me. They can insult me. They can try to intimidate me. I can fight back! These muscles can beat the crap out of them! I am who I am - and I love myself! Although I am a power bottom I won’t mind giving you bigots a hard time! I’m stronger and more confident now than ever!

If it weren’t for Doctor D I would still be living in denial. That chance encounter has changed me for the better. I have never been sexually fulfilled. There is nothing better than being intimate with a man. Allowing him inside of you and enduring the strength of his thrust is the greatest gift you can give. Yes, I call it a gift because as a bottom I’m also giving him pleasure in return. I can controll the running time of the fucking. If I want I can end it by pressing my ass cheeks. Believe me, it makes a man cum within seconds. That’s the power I have as a bottom. Of course, it took me some time before I could enjoy the pleasure of Master - I mean - Derek fucking my ass until it’s sore. I used to scream in pain when his dick invaded me and made me feel overwhelmed by his manhood. Now, the pain doesn’t bother me anymore. Instead, I can’t get enough of it. I could have him inside of me for hours! Oh, what a pig I have become!

Every time Master - I mean - Derek pushes his tool in my hole with no mercy I moan in lust. Sometimes I even squeak like a pig. Then I shout at him to go deeper and to push harder since I want to feel him touching that button that makes me seeing stars and butterflies. 

Sometimes I throw him down on his back, wrap my legs around him and ride his cock like a cheap whore. I ride his hard and meaty pole until I cum on his chest without touching my cock. Instead I play with my nipples that always become so sensitive when I have something inside my ass. They get hard as though they were small cocks. They are pierced now because, trust me, the rings maximize the pleasure. 

When I cum all over his chest I clean him up with my tongue. I used to hate it but now a man’s hot juice is my favorite food. Every morning I go under out leather blanket and greedily suck on his tool. I am a professional cocksucker now. You won’t believe how many of Master’s friends I brought to climax with my mouth. I’m even better than my wife. Deep-throating is nothing to me. I can take any length without gagging. It’s child play.

Derek has turned me into an addict to cocks, an aggressive bottom. Yes, I love to take it up the ass and down my throat. I am not ashamed of saying it because it’s the truth. In addition to being my teacher, master and insatisable lover he is the man for whom I’m willing to leave my old life behind forever. Yes, I’m going to divorce my wife. I know that my decision will cause a lot of pain but it has to be done. I don’t know how to include my children in my new life as a gay leatherman. But I can say for sure that I won’t give up on them. Being gay doesn’t change the way I love my children. I told Derek that my children are a part of me I can’t abandon. He understands it. And he told me that he wouldn’t mind sharing me with my children. He even told me that he admires me because in his eyes being a dad is a man’s greatest achievement.

Derek, you make me the happiest man on earth. Please, allow me to be by your side forever. I’m crazy for you. If you ever asked me to marry you I would accept your proposal in an instant. However, I don’t want a traditional wedding. I want to have a wedding in which we are dressed in leather and rubber and have an orgy with a lot of hot leather men afterwards. 

You are the top of my dreams! And you would be a great stepdad to my kids! I love you! Oh boy, I’m getting all turned on just thinking of you! Derek! Let’s fuck our brains out!

Transcription of Day 38 #2

Samuel: Ah! Ah! Ah! Yes, Daddy! Fuck me harder! Please, make me all wet! I need your cum! Ah! You are such a great top! I love you! I love you so much!

Derek: I love you, too! Now, be ready for my cum! 

Samuel: Please, don’t cum now! I still haven’t enough!

Derek: You are such a pig!

Samuel: That’s it! That’s so… SQQUEEEAAKKK!

Derek: Yeah, baby! You are the best pig in the world!

Samuel: SQQQUEEAAKK!! SQQQUEEAAKKKK!

After a chat with @wehavekookies. Thanks to @r3dh0und for finding the amazing gem.

The Heart of the Abyss

THE STRANGER (smirking insidiously) : My dear Corvid. I’ve been watching you for a long time. When you fight, when you sleep. When you… bathe. And now you’ve lost it all.
CORVID (shocked and confused) : Who are you? What is this cold and shadowy place? Have I penetrated the Stranger’s Void?
THE STRANGER (with a flourish) : There are forces in this world, forces some men call magic, now you can bend them to your will. I am the Stranger, and this is my mark.
CORVID (studying the back of his hand) : Ah- It burns! What is this supernatural gift?
THE STRANGER (moving closer) : Oh, but I have many more gifts to give. What will you do with them, I wonder?
CORVID (admiring the young man) : Oh! What pale skin, what piercing gaze! You look more youthful the the legends say.
THE STRANGER (caressing his cheek) : Let me show you which legends are true.

Corvo sighed and rubbed his eyes, carefully not throwing the book out through the open window. Emily had given it to him, smiling so sweetly when she said she hoped he’d like it, and he couldn’t go back on his promise to read it. No matter how badly it made him want to avoid his daughter’s too knowledgeable eyes. It was just a book, nothing more—written with badly concealed glee, convoluted dialogue, and far too graphic an imagination.

He hoped the burning of his face was just his imagination.

The minutes seemed to take forever to pass as Corvo forced himself through page after page, only scrunching up his eyes a couple of times. If he could barely see the text it was easier to read, he told himself. For a while he even managed to believe it. But as ‘Corvid’ pressed 'the Stranger’ back against his bed Corvo had to close the book, desperate for a break.

Slowly he took a deep, measured breath, and just as slowly let it out again. What had he done to deserve this? Had he angered Emily somehow, done something to make her want to punish him? If he had then he could only hope his punishment would be over once he had finished reading. There was no way to make him feel more regretful.

“Oh, are we taking a break? How disappointing. Right when it was getting interesting.”

Corvo froze, feeling the texture of the book in his hands burn. He didn’t quite dare to breathe, didn’t want to move, didn’t want to see the owner of the too familiar voice, his head a mess as he tried to come up with something to say. So he froze.

With a soft noise—was it a chuckle, or was Corvo just being paranoid?—the Outsider moved across the couch to sit down next to Corvo, close enough that their thighs pressed against each other. For once he didn’t simply teleport, which Corvo had complained about several times, but he found he couldn’t take any joy in that simple fact. He stared down at the leather clad leg pressing into his, wondering how long the Outsider had been there. How long he had been watching, reading. There were no hints in his solemn face or in the dark of his eyes, no matter how hard Corvo looked, and Corvo could only fear that he had been there since the first word.

There was no way his burning face was an imagination this time.

“Why, my dear Corvo, have you lost your tongue?” The Outsider raised an eyebrow, draping an arm across the back of the couch where Corvo was sitting. He thought he could feel the heat of the Outsider’s arm, or maybe it was just the unblinking stare that never left Corvo’s face. “Or have you simply been struck dumb by my piercing gaze?”

Now he could see the tilt of the Outsider’s lips, the amusement deep in those never-ending eyes, the mocking tone of his voice.

With no small amount of relief Corvo stood up and threw the accursed book out of the window, far past caring about his daughter’s potential anger.

Confession: I am sitting here laughing so hard at my own fucking nonsense that I am gonna have to compose myself before writing a rambly artist note.

Will you even look at this.

Okay, so: This was a gag gift, you know it was a gag gift, obviously a very well-thought out one that took some planning, but the person who gave it was apparently unaware that while you can take the man out of Iowa, you cannot take the Iowa out of the man.  Even if you manage to surgically excise every trace of Midwest, you’d STILL have someone who used to wear a purple miniskirt to work.

Last statement here is that if you’re new enough to Hawkeye that you don’t recognise the GOSH I LOVE ARROWS thing, I am going to give you the pleasure of Googe-Image-Searching it yourself.  Enjoy!  You’ve picked the right Avenger to love, you really have.

anonymous asked:

Rfa with MC forgot her own birthday 😂🍦? Thank you 💖

I had a lot of fun with this one! Yoosung, Zen, and Jaehee are painfully short compared to Jumin and Seven acK. I’m not as good at writing those three as I am with the other two. Anyways, I hope you enjoy!


Yoosung

  • This boy was so excited
  • He had gifts bought, cake made, and the whole RFA invited over for a surprise party
  • He took you out to lunch at a nice restaurant and took you to the park to take a walk
  • You loved it, but weren’t sure why he was being so nice
  • Did he do something bad?
  • Did he want something?
  • When you got home and everyone jumped out yelling ‘happy birthday, MC!” you were like ?
  • It’s my birthday?
  • OH IT IS MY BIRTHDAY
  • You pretend that you knew all along lol
  • He was kinda sad that you didn’t realize all his efforts were for your birthday until then, but don’t worry, he didn’t let that spoil the fun


Zen

  • He took off for your birthday
  • When you woke up, he already had breakfast made, and had it brought to you in bed
  • He was going to spoil you rotten okay
  • “Good morning, beautiful”
  • “Hi? What’s this all about?”
  • “For your birthday!”
  • “It’s my birthday?” facepalms
  • “It is your birthday, right? It’s not like, tomorrow or something?” He was starting to worry 
  • You reassured him that it was your birthday and accepted the food
  • He teased you the rest of the day about how you forgot about it lol


Jaehee

  • She was excited about your birthday
  • She was going to close up the café for the day and do whatever you wanted to do
  • When she came to you and told you that she closed the café for the day to spend it with you, you were pleasantly surprised but confused
  • “I’d love to spend the day with you, but why did you take off from the café for this? It could have waited…” “No it couldn’t, MC. This day only comes once a year.” “What do you mean?” “It’s your birthday! Right?” “…it is?” “did you forget?” “uhhhh…. Yeah.”
  • She found it funny that you forgot, but didn’t hang on it much
  • Y’all went out and spent the day together, and by the end of it, you had forgotten that you forgot this morning


Jumin

  • He had the whole day planned out
  • He took the whole day off to be with you sorry jaehee
  • First, he was going to wake you up to a special breakfast in bed. Then, he would allow you to do anything you wanted for a while with him, and then the two of you would go out to dinner in the restaurant he rented out for the night so yall could be alone
  • You were pleasantly surprised with the breakfast
  • Then, when he said you could do whatever with him, you were s o e x c i t e d
  • you dressed him up as a cat lolol
  • When dinner came around, and he had a brand new evening dress laid out for you on the bed, you were like okay what’s up now
  • When you walked out ready to go, Jumin was shook by how beautiful you looked
  • “Jumin, honey? May I ask why you have done this for me? I love it all, but I just want to know why.”
  • “It’s your birthday, MC, of course I am going to pamper my precious wife on her special day.” Oh
  • “Oh, I knew that, whaaat?” “You forgot, didn’t you.” “…Yeah.”
  • He chuckled and brought you to his chest, giving you a hug “You’re adorable, MC.”
  • Dinner was absurdly extravagant lovely, and once you got home he showered you in gifts
  • This man gets you gifts all the time, but he loves your birthday especially because he has an excuse to spend a bunch of money on you 


Seven/Saeyoung

  • He is so extra about your birthday it’s ridiculous
  • He set up a scavenger hunt
  • You didn’t know why he was doing this so the whole time you were confused
  • The final clue was given to you by Saeran, who looked less than thrilled to be a part of this
  • He handed it to you with a sigh, and it said to go to the garage in a lot of words
  • He was sitting in his car waiting for you with a little bow sitting on top of his head
  • “Happy birthday, MC! Are you ready for the final gift?”
  • “Birthday?” “Yeah? Did you forget?” “…no.” “yeah you did. Get in loser, we are going for a drive.” I had to im sorry
  • You climbed in, cheeks burning, and he quickly pulled out and took off down the road, the whole time his hand gripping yours on the gearstick
  • When you arrived, he blindfolded you and led you for a while, then sat you down
  • You felt him sit beside you and take off the blindfold, and you nearly cried at the sight in front of you
  • You were in the woods on a little pond. He had set up a little picnic and strung up fairy lights in the the surrounding trees, which reflected in the water. And there he was, sitting with his full attention on you as you took everything in
  • So basically the game was to keep you distracted while he set this up
  • “MC, you look beautiful.” “Stop it, you’re going to make me blush harder than I already am”
  • He just brought you closer to him and kissed you
  • “I love you, happy birthday.” “Thank you, Saeyoung. I love you too”
  • then he got out the HBC chips and PhD Pepper from the box of food
  • Other than that, he was super serious and loving with you the whole night
  • The next day though, he teased you n o n s t o p about forgetting your own birthday                  
Magnetic Chapter 34: Ice

Dean Winchester x Reader

1100 Words

Story Summary: After your Dad was killed, you were shocked to learn all about his hidden life. Deciding to follow in his footsteps, you turn to a life of hunting, surprised at how well you adapted. Then comes along Sam and Dean Winchester, turning your life upside down. You and Dean don’t get along at first, but then things soon start to change.

Catch Up Here: Masterpost

“Brigid, you are very welcome here.” Elenore stated, her entire demeanor changing. Gone was the brash and rude older woman. In her place was the facade of a servant, ready to do Brigid’s work with complete compliance.

“Elenore, I tire of our calls. This must be the fourth one in a matter of weeks. What do you need this time?” Brigid asked, and from your vantage point you could see the furious look on her face. You had an inkling that this wasn’t going to end well with Elenore.

“I’ve found him. The male specimen that you’ve been looking forward.” Elenore mumbled, slightly overwhelmed by Brigid’s tone of annoyance. “I have the ritual ready to go, I’m just waiting for your command.”

Watching as Brigid floated over towards Sam, you waited with baited breath, hoping she wouldn’t find Sam acceptable. “He is tall, and he looks strong.” Brigid started, running her long pale fingers along his unclothed chest. Reaching up, she grabbed his chin, her fingers digging in to his chin. With her occupied by Sam, you wondered if you could sneak out and gather your gun. It wouldn’t work on Brigid, but at least it might get rid of Elenore.

“Stay.” She ordered as you took a step towards the door. “It would anger me greatly if you decided to leave.”

Not wanting to have her strike you down where you stood, you stopped. “Maybe you are smarter than Eelenore is. She has become a nuisance, and I’m in need of new help.”

“If that means you let Sam go.” You offered, hearing Sam’s grunts of disapproval. “Let him go, and I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Hmm. Elenore was right, he is a great specimen. But not exactly what I want. You see, Eelenore was brash, and didn’t understand exactly what I was looking for. She has become a liability.”

“But Brigid, I’ve done everything you’ve asked.” Elenore begged. “Please. Give me a second chance!”

Without saying another word, Brigid waved her hand and Elenore’s entire body began smoking. Her pitiful screams filled the air as her body slowly burned from the inside out, before slowly collapsing onto the floor. Brigid turned her frosty blue eyes your way. “That is what will happen to you if you disobey me. Or go against me. Now see him unchained before my mind is altered.”

Rushing forward, you quickly undid the clasps holding Sam upwards, his strong body weighing you down as you tried to hold him. Within seconds he had gotten enough feeling back in his legs to hold himself up. “Y/N, don’t do this. You know it’s just going to end badly. Don’t trade your life for mine.”

“Sam, it’s for the best. It’s what Dean would have wanted. And at least she wants me alive for right now.” You whispered, before giving him a confident smile even though you didn’t feel confident at all. “Please, just get out of here. Then you and Dean can figure out a way to take her out.”

“Y/N, that is enough. Let him go, or suffer my wrath.” Brigid spoke from behind you, and with a pat on Sam’s shoulder, you stepped back.

“Sam, it’s better this way. You need to go on, helping your brother hunt monsters. Nobody will miss me.” You said, your heart breaking a little at those words. With the way Dean had treated you just hours earlier, they rang a little too close to home.

“I will take good care of her. As long as she obeys me in all things.” Brigid answered. “Now, be gone before my patience wears thin.”

With another glance your way, Sam left the warehouse, leaving you alone with a Goddess. “You are a hunter?” Brigid asked, her form still floating inches off the ground, her silver gown moving in an invisible breeze.

Nodding, you stood before her. Not wanting to anger her, you kept your gaze down, your shoulders hunched. “A hunter is a strong person. Especially the female form. You will do nicely.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what do you have in store for me?” You asked, curious but afraid to know at the same time.

Feeling her icy cold hands upon your chin, she lifted it until you could gaze into her pale, unhuman eyes. Eyes that held you to your spot. “Much. I’ve just lost my perfect specimen of a human male, and I’m thinking you will have to find me another one. It’s worth it, having someone such as you working for me.”

“How can I do that?” You asked, wanting to know as much of her plan as possible. Needing as much information about this Goddess as possible, in case the chance to kill her ever came up.

“I am going to bestow a great gift on you. One I have never given another human being before. With this gift, you will be able to lure any man you choose, and I will have my pick from hundreds.”

“What are you going to do with these men?” You asked her, as her hand moved from your chin, down to press right over your heart.

“Why, I am going to find the man who can become my equal. My life is lonely, and I am in need of a man who is strong enough, virile enough to withstand the change. To be able to give me the greatest gift a Goddess of fertility can require.”

“You want to have kids.” You answered, surprising her.

“I chose well. Not only are you brave, but you are strong too. Yes. I have been locked up for centuries, recently let out. My one job was to create life, more Gods and Goddesses roaming the Earth, controlling the pathetic humans. Now that I’m free, I can do this once again.”

Without another word, her hand pressed hard against your chest. What felt like freezing fire swept through your veins, from your head to your toes. Throwing your head back, you couldn’t control the scream that left your lips as the blood pumping through your veins turned into liquid ice. Minutes passed by, and soon the warm and healthy human you had once been was now a cold and frigid shell. Your e/c eyes were now a pale blue to match hers, your skin pale, much paler than before.

“Y/N, how do you feel?” She asked, running her long finger down your cheek.

“Cold, and empty.” You answered. It was true. Where had once been love and kindness, only lay the basic instincts, and your will to obey everything Brigid commanded.

Magnetic Tags:  @anokhi07 @acreativelydifferentlove @smlltowndivajessica @clairese1980 @rex-regina @aquabrie @nathaliabakes @nikasatrash @thelasttardistech @disneychic8 @anokhi07@acreativelydifferentlove

Forever Tags:  @simplycheyenneautumn @nerdybookwormsinger @generalgoldfishldrm @just-another-busy-fangirl @saoirsewhittle @summer-binging-spn @pizzarollpatrol @createdbybadappreciation @percussiongirl2017 @trashforwinchesters @freakintasticfan @delessapeace-blog @bohowitch@amanda-teaches @loricwizardbluetoastedcake @jensen-gal @babydanixox@bea789 @fangirl1802 @chelsea072498 @moosesamdeancasbees @maui137 @evyiione @supernatural-jackles @keelzythe2nd @eringva @16wiishes @zombiewerewolfqueen @mrsbatesmotel53 @wayward-girl @mogaruke @cornflax01 @myplaceofthingsilove @tatortot2701 @livingasafangirl@be-amaziing @castielhasthetardis @wonderange @atc74 @vvinch3st3r @likesiriusly@cascar24 @jayankles @li-ssu @destiel-addict-forever @sgarrett49 @a-bouquet-of-fandoms @edward-lover18 @danslittlecurl @pancake-pages @iwriteaboutdean @artisticpoet @pretty-fortune@padackles2010 @procratsinator @andreaaalove @docharleythegeekqueen @bradygabrielle-blog @sandlee44 @juatanotherbandgirl @ria132love @jarpadandjensenaremyheroes @oneshoeshort @extreme-supernatural-lover @ohgodjensen @mellowlandrunaway @brunettechick @beltz2016

Sweetcheeks (Deadpool)

Originally posted by namiiswan

@blizzard-stark

Hello Sweetcheeks, 

Wade here! Of course, you know that because I am the only one who’s meant to be giving you anything for Valentine’s Day! (If I find out that anybody else has sent or asked to be your Valentine’s I swear their getting turned into fucking kebabs) Nobody gets to be your Valentine other than me, are we clear? 

Deadpool (Wade Wilson) + You = Only Valentine you will ever need. Our we clear….Good. 

Anyway, I thought I’d scribble down a little to remind you just how much I love sweetcheeks, you’ve brought light into my life…blah…blah..blah..you deal with my fucked up face (bonus point for you since you didn’t scream and run away like a total douche the first time I took off my mask) The first time Tony fucking Stark saw my naturally sexy gift of a face he passed out! (Doesn’t he know it’s rude to pass out when someone takes their mask off. Stinking Tin Man. 

In all seriousness, you are the love of my life.I love you so much it fucking hurts (quite literally) and I hope you enjoy my plans for Valentine’s Day because I am going all out.

.

.

.

You didn’t think I was just going to write you a Valentine’s Day letter, did you? Sweetcheeks I’m going to give you a Valentine’s Day you will never forget. 

Love ya, 

Wade x  

Dean Ambrose - “I’ll Be Here”

Prompt: This is currently my most played song so I thought I’d write a little thing based on the song just like changed up for WWE. 
Requested: No
Warnings: Character death (soz) 
Words: 2600+

Being brought up from NXT to Monday night raw was the goal when you started your developmental contract nearly two and a half years ago so when Hunter told you that NXT Takeover: Orlando was going to be your last NXT event and it was bittersweet. You loved NXT the people there had turned to family, Hunter was a father figure to you. He was so proud and he was there on Wrestlemania Monday when you debuted. 

“I’m so proud of you kid” Hunter said wrapping his arms around you in a big hug when you walked back through the curtain after attacking Sasha and Bayley.  You couldn’t hid the grin as you walked around backstage. You were on your phone texting Billie, Peyton and a few other nxt alumni who had texted you to congratulate you. You were so excited and engrossed in your phone you didn’t notice the people walking down the hallway. 

“Oh god I’m so sorry!” You exclaimed as your arm hit a muscular arm and papers flew around you. You knelt down to help pick the papers when you noticed it was Dean Ambrose. 

“No problem” he shrugged messily picking up the papers. “Dean Ambrose” he put his hand out to shake 

“y/n” You smiled taking his hand. 

“Oh I know who you are, I’m impressed, you impressed me” Dean said making you blush.  “You have a nice smile” that made you go a darker shade of red. 

Keep reading

Just a little something I wrote to stave off the writer’s block and give my attention a break from the thing I’ve been working on.

Janeway/Chakotay, 740 words, romance. Un-beta’d and only loosely edited.


The ground levelled off beneath his feet and Chakotay found himself standing at the top of the plateau, gazing out across the lush planet below. He squeezed the hand that was tightly gripping his. “Look, Kathryn. We made it!”

“Oh good.” With a groan, she let go of his hand and collapsed onto the hard ground. “I am never going hiking with you again.”

“It’s not even that big, Kathryn. You’re overreacting.”

“Too. Big.”

“Look, you can see half the planet from up here!” With his dimples in full force, he looked back at his companion, who was sitting on the ground with a scowl on her face and massaging the tenderness out of her legs.

“Come look at the view, Kathryn. That’ll make it all worth it.”

“I’m not sure I trust my legs to hold my weight for a while,” she grumbled.

Without a second thought, he leaned down beside her and scooped her up in her arms, earning himself a surprised shout right next to his ear. Kathryn wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders.

“Well this is a little taller than I’m used to being,” she chuckled. “Don’t you dare drop me!”

He was right, though. The view was spectacular. Breathing deeply of the crisp, cool breeze, they looked out over the alien terrain which was dotted with the yellow and blue uniforms of the other away teams. Most of them had been very eager to volunteer for a chance to stretch their legs and breathe non-recycled air. Feeling a touch of cabin fever herself, Kathryn couldn’t blame them.

“Going down,” Chakotay said suddenly. He set Kathryn lightly on her feet. “I brought lunch if you’re hungry.”

“After that hike? I’m famished!”

After handing Kathryn the sandwiches he had made for them, Chakotay took his holo-imager out of his pack and focussed it on the view around them. A flock of large birds perched in a tree below. Snap. A group of yellow-shouldered crewmembers gathered in and around a canyon where Lieutenant Torres was leading mining operations. Snap. A small but hardly plant growing nearby, the size of a small violet, with a tiny blue flower waving in the wind. Snap.

Kathryn, sitting cross-legged on the ground with an enormous flask beside her and a steaming mug clasped in her hands, her eyes closed in blissful satisfaction.

Snap.

“Trust you to remember the coffee,” he said, stowing his camera back in his pack.

“There’s containers of milk and sugar in there with the extra cup.”

Quietly happy with her thoughtfulness, he felt around in her bag for the promised items, but instead came up with a small bundle loosely wrapped in blue paper.

“What’s this?” he asked, turning the package over in his hands.

“I know the wrapping isn’t great – god knows I never could copy my mother’s deft touch with the paper – but you never miss my birthday, so I wanted to give you something.”

“I told you not to go to any trouble on my account.”

“You always say that and I always ignore you.” He carefully unwrapped the bundle in his lap and held up the item inside. “But, I’m starting to run out of gift ideas,” Kathryn admitted.

“A scarf?” he asked, fingering the soft yarn.

“It was either that or socks.”

“Socks? Why socks?”

Kathryn shrugged. “Well, what else am I supposed to get for the man who has everything?”

“You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Hey! I made that myself!”

“And you did a beautiful job. I’m just saying you don’t have to waste your replicator rations on–”

His words were lost as her slender hands came up to cup his face and his lips became locked in a searing kiss. Time slowed and the moment stretched out, until eventually both were forced to come up for breath. The taste of coffee lingered on his lips. His hands found their way around her waist and pulled her closer.

“Is that my real present?” he asked softly.

“If you want it.” Her finger gently brushed the lines of his tattoo, and her breath tickled his cheek.

“I want much more than just a kiss,” he said, hoping he was reading her right. If that wasn’t what she was offering and he scared her away….

“How about staying for breakfast?” The corner of her mouth quirked up in the beginning of a smile.

“Only if I replicate the food.”

“Deal.”

Insecurity | Epilogue

Originally posted by jeohgguk

Genre: no longer Angst

Pairing: surprise

Word Count: 1.548

A/N: this is seriously the end now - I want to thank every single one of you for always giving me so much feedback, so much love and making me smile every single day ♥ you guys are the best! i love you

Warnings: this epilogue is noncommittal - if you were one of those readers who enjoyed “Insecurity” as an Angst series do not read this. I only wrote the epilogue because so many wanted a fluffy ending

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine (The End) | Epilogue

Slowly you opened your eyes, blinking against the sun rays that were shining through the curtains into your room, blinding you. You rubbed the back of your hand over your eyes, annoyed from being woken up from your peaceful sleep. A soft groan escaped your lips as you turned around, grabbing the extra pillow and inhaling deeply the scent his body had left onto your sheets. 

It smelled like him. 

It smelled like love.

It smelled like home.

It smelled like everything you ever wanted.

- Like everything you ever needed.

Smiling to yourself, you closed your eyes again, wrapping your body around the sheets and pillows, cuddling into it and ready to drift back into dream land, when you suddenly heard a message pop up on your phone. Another annoyed groan left your lips as you swung your arm around, not bothering to open your eyes, and groped your way to your phone on the nightstand. Still half asleep you unlocked it and your annoyed expression switched to a softer one.

Lunch at our usual place today? I miss you

You grinned while sitting up and quickly typed in a reply.

Sure! around 2?

You hit send before you realized you forgot something and quickly added:

I miss you too, can’t wait to see you ♥

Not even minutes later, you already heard your phone signal you the income of another message and you quickly checked his answer.

:) 2 sounds good

You looked at your clock on your phone, checking how much time you had left until you had to leave. It wasn’t even 10 am yet, as you decided to go back to sleep for a little bit before you had to shower and get dressed.


As you softly brushed your still wet hair with one hand while the other one held the hairdryer, a cheeky smiled crept onto your lips, thinking about seeing your boyfriend for lunch. He usually slept over at your place every night and tried to stay as long as possible before he had to head off for work, always making sure you were feeling good when he left. Throughout the day he would send you short messages, asking how you were doing or what you were up to and you were thankful for his care. 

Even though you saw each other so frequently, you missed him every time he was not with you. You were lucky enough that he always made sure to be there for you and take you with him to all his schedules, so you wouldn’t be separated for too long. But as soon as you had to stay at home alone for more than a day, you’d be unable to sleep peacefully and your whole body would long for his presence. He basically lived at your apartment and not having him by your side when you were so used to his warmth, always made you feel uncomfortable.

Picking out one of your favorite outfits, you quickly changed and put light makeup on. It was spring so you went for a rather natural look than being over dramatic. You checked yourself out in the mirror, making sure you looked presentable and smiled at your reflection, before grabbing your purse and keys, heading out of your apartment.

The coffee shop wasn’t too far from your apartment, so you decided to take a walk, breathe in some fresh spring air and enjoy the nature that started blooming everywhere. Spring was your favorite season after all, not only because you had started dating your boyfriend during one rather busy spring but because you could see how all the life came back into the surroundings. It seemed as if everyone started to wake up from their sleep and go out, enjoying nature. 

Your thoughts kept drifting back to memories you and him made together, while your hands gently stroke over the flowers you past by, feeling their softness underneath your fingers, inhaling their scent. It was the perfect scenery if you ignored the background noises of cars honking, children crying and people nagging at each other.

As you finally reached the coffee shop, your thoughts got distracted by his familiar figure already sitting in your usual spot, his back towards you. A slight chuckle escaped your lips and you quickly covered your mouth, so he wouldn’t hear you. 

Slowly you approached him from behind, putting your hands over his eyes, making him jump slightly. You started giggling, unable to suppress your reaction to his cute behavior and a smile spread on his face, as he heard it.

“(Y/N)”, he breathed out, gently grabbing your hands and turning around to look at you, as he stood up. His lips immediately found yours, making butterflies erupt through your stomach and his thumbs slowly stroked your hands, leaving traces of electricity wherever he touched you. 

When you two parted, his eyes wandered over your body, smiling at you. “You look beautiful, as always.”

Even though you had been dating for over six years now, you still couldn’t get used to his compliments and your cheeks flushed, making you untangle your hand from his to cover your face. He chuckled slightly, placing his free hand on your tummy and rubbing soft circles over it, before kneeling down and smirking up at you.

“Look at mommy - still a blushing mess for me”, he cheekily said and wiggled his eyebrows at you, making you playfully smack his head. He laughed before leaving a quick kiss on your tummy and standing back up, holding the chair back for you to sit down in front of him.

“How did you get here by the way? I hope you didn’t walk”, his strict voice made its way to your ears. You rolled your eyes at him.

“Yes, I walked, it’s nice to see everything blossom during this time of the year. Plus it’s only a ten minutes walk, I’m not going to take public transportation or a taxi for that”, you huffed, unknowingly stroking your belly. 

“(Y/N)!”, he exclaimed. “You’re seven months pregnant, the doctor said you needed to rest and not walk so much any more. I could have picked you up!”

You laughed at his concerns, grabbing his hands into yours and flashing him a bright smile. “Yoongi, I’m fine okay? There’s nothing to worry about. Let’s just enjoy lunch before you have to head back to the studio alright?”

Yoongi smiled at you instinctively, biting his lower lip. “You’re right. But if something happens to you or my babies, I’m going to be the one telling you that I told you so before rushing to the rescue.”

Another laugh escaped your lips as you squeezed his hands and leaned back in your chair. “Okay okay Mr. Min, whatever you say.”

He dreamily smiled at you before quickly snapping out of his trance. 

“Oh Jungkook asked me to give you this”, he started searching his pockets for something, furrowing his eyebrows before pulling two action figures out of his jeans and handing them over to you.

You looked at him in confusion. “What am I supposed to do with that?”, you chuckled and took a closer look at them. That’s when you realized it - those were the action figures you had gifted him for his birthday the first year you two had started dating. It was a boy dressed up as Iron Man and a girl dressed up as Wonder Woman with your initials on the back.

“It’s not for you, idiot”, Yoongi grinned. “It’s for the babies. He was really excited and made me swear I’d give them to you. I don’t know what’s so special about them but if I were you, I’d just keep them and make him happy.”

Tears welled up in your eyes, as you smiled up at Yoongi. “These are Jungkook’s action figures. I gifted them to him for his first birthday when we started dating.”

You moved closer to Yoongi, showing him the back of the figures. 

“Look, these are our initials. He loved those action figures”, you gently stroke your fingertips over them, remembering the many times he’d make sure that they were standing properly and weren’t dirty or collecting dust. “I can’t believe he still had them after all this time.”

Yoongi’s hand gently rubbed over your arm. “Yeah, they have been standing in his room for years. Always in the same spot. Even after he got rid of all the other action figures, he’d never let these ones go. As soon as we’d try to get those two out, he’d go nuts on us”, he laughed. “Now, I finally understand why.”

You nodded and smiled at Yoongi before pecking his lips. “He’s going to be the best godfather we could ask for.”

Yoongi nodded and pulled you closer. “I’m glad all of us could talk it out. If I’d have lost either one of you, I don’t know what I would have done - I’d probably be the grumpiest and loneliest man alive by now.”

He chuckled and you leaned onto him, enjoying the peaceful moment. It was the perfect life all of you had managed to built up for yourselves and you couldn’t be more thankful after everything you, Yoongi and Jungkook had gone through. 

©jiminelli

New Colors

Request: May we have some Lamliza soulmate au? Preferably one where if a soulmate dies they lose color. And when they meet they gain the ability to see color?

Masterlist


The world was dull. When Alexander touched Eliza’s hand, it had only brought on dull colors, nothing like the colors everyone had described to them. And it was the same for Eliza. Everyone they talked to that was lucky enough to find their soulmate swore the world was vibrant, reds and blues that washed over everything, the green leaves dancing on the trees, and the sudden vibrancy was painfully beautiful to look at after a world of grays. Angelica had met her soulmate and swore that red was the most beautiful color in the world, but Eliza and Alexander could not figure out how. The colors of the world all had a muddy feel to them. They all looked as though they were beneath a stormy sky.

The couple was chronically depressed. They loved each other with all their hearts, they truly did, but they were always yearning for more, for that vibrancy in their sights that everyone had described. Alexander and Eliza had gone to her mother for advice, thinking it was a problem between them, but she had not been any help. Their life was soon lacking as much vibrancy as the colors in front of them.

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Zev/Warden Week #1

Prompt:  Monday, July 31 - Massage

“C-can I try it? On you, I mean?”

Lalia’s request, abrupt and hastily spat out, caught Zevran enough by surprise that he stopped mid-reach. In the tent they now shared, with the smell of sweat and sex heavy in the air, he had kissed the back of her neck before moving toward his pack to dig out a bottle of scented oil. Sandalwood was what he had been after; she always sighed a little over the smell, which was so utterly Fereldan of her to prefer the smell of wood over the more delicate fragrances he had used that he couldn’t help a small, amused smile from tugging at his lips whenever she made her little noise of appreciation every time he opened the bottle. He had just spotted it when her question caught him off guard.

“You…do you mean you wish to give me a massage?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lalia hummed her confirmation, moving beside him and beginning to rummage through his pack while pointedly avoiding eye contact like she did when she expected rejection from him. It was a look he had never seen her wear in any other circumstance; it always made his throat clench to see and was the one expression, above all others, he wanted on her face as little as possible.

“I don’t know a damn thing about massages except that they feel amazing, and I want to try to do that for you,” she explained, picking out a bottle and pulling its stopper to check the scent. She made a face at the smell, replaced the stopper, and continued her search.  She paused briefly to glance at him out of the corner of her eye before adding, “If you’d want that, of course. It only seems fair, though, since you’re always doing it for me anymore.”

It was true that giving her post-coital massages had become almost as regular as the sex itself. And almost more intimate. Or at least, that’s what the murky emotions that came creeping through him more and more in their time alone seemed to whisper to him. Emotions he told himself he neither needed nor desired. Emotions he quietly feared he didn’t deserve anyway. Emotions that weren’t helped at all by the tenderness she, for whatever reason, kept showering on him in the form of gifts and considerate behaviour.

Shaking his head softly, half in response and half to shake himself out of his rapidly spiraling train of thought, Zevran smiled and held up his hands, giving Lalia more space to find what she was looking for. “Whatever I have done to give you the impression that I am the sort of man who would ever pass up the opportunity to be oiled up by a naked woman, please let me know so I can be sure to never do it again.”

Lalia responded with a breathy laugh as she pulled another bottle from his pack. She gave it a try and, having evidently found what she’d be searching for, pointed to the bed roll they shared. “Lie down, and we’ll see if you don’t end up changing your mind about that,” she said lightly. After he complied, she straddled him low across his back and poured some of the oil on her hands, rubbing them to warm it the way she’d seen him do it so many times before. “Seriously, I’ve never done anything like this before, so correct me if I’m doing something wrong.”

The smell of lavender and vanilla reached him as her slick finger tips met the skin beneath his shoulder blades. “I’m not concerned; I know what talents your hands are capable of,” he purred, closing his eyes to focus on the feeling of pressure gliding slowly up his back and then back down again.

For the first several minutes, Zevran could feel Lalia’s tension in the uncertain way she touched him, but with time and some encouraging sounds from him, her movements became more confident. She explored his muscles in sections, doing her best to elicit a positive response from him, and he was delighted to find that she was succeeding much faster than he would have thought. A few sighs and one genuine, low moan later, Zevran found his thoughts drifting away from her technique and…

…and he was blinking groggily at the tent canvas before him, lit dimly by the camp fire a short ways beyond. He realized, sluggishly, that Lalia was at his side rather than on top of him, pulling a blanket over them both, and his heart leapt into his throat.

“Sorry,” she said softly. “I was trying not to wake you.”

Zevran did his best to calm himself. “I can’t believe I fell asleep,” he said, tired enough to be all mumbles and honesty.

Lalia snuggled up closer to him, threading one hand through his hair and bringing the other up to waggle her fingers in front of his face. “Seems you don’t know everything these things can do,” she teased.

He caught her hand in his and brought her finger tips to his lips, taking a moment to enjoy the sweet smell still lingering on them. “Evidently not. Care to enlighten me furth-” The rest of his sentence was abruptly replaced by a yawn.

“Maybe later,” Lalia responded. She kissed him gently, and he could feel her amused smile against his mouth. “Let’s get some rest.” She closed her eyes, her hand still in his. “Sleep well, Zevran.”

Zevran looked at her in the darkness and felt those emotions edging back to the front of his mind, but for now, they didn’t feel quite so troubling. They sort of felt…good. He closed his eyes, thankful that sleep was waiting nearby to save him from the thoughts and doubts this new realization was sure to bring but far enough that he was able to spend a couple moments enjoying it. “Sleep well, my warden.”

Size Queens and Fags ☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾

If you are a size queen or a fag who respects a man or is attracted to a man based solely on the size of his manhood YOU need to check out on life ASAP 👌👌👌👌
I wasn’t “gifted” with a huge schlong neither am I ashamed by this. I’m extraordinarily ordinary and that is fine with me. It handles the business it needs and fits snugly in the throat.
I do apologize that I woke up late on the day the “Dick-Mart” was giving out big dicks. I was busy working and trying to maintain the lifestyle that I have grown accustomed to- you know like a roof, clothing, my vehicle and food. Unlike some of you I am not able to couch surf or jump from hotel to hotel every night after I’m done trickin’ and being smutted out.
That’s all for today 💥
Hope you have a great rest of your day!!!!!
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

About a month ago (Probably more like a month and a half ago actually) I spoke with a nice man who was homeless who saw my dog with me and told me about how his dog was thrown out of a moving truck that was driving down the freeway. That is how he ended up getting and taking care of his dog-pal.
I forgot that I had a knitted scarf that fits dogs in my car that day and left without giving it to them and later felt really bummed that I could have gifted them it.  Anyways, I have been thinking about that a lot and I am going to knit up scarves to hand out to folks and their dogs who don’t have the means to have a warm place to sleep.
If you guy want to help you can do the same, you are more than welcome to do so.

BTS react to your friends thinking he is your sugar daddy

Anon asked: BTS react to your friends thinking he is your sugar daddy.

JIN: would be appalled at what your friends have to say. He would immediately turn into the super sassy princess he is.                                                                “ Oh hun does it really matter if im her sugar daddy or not, everyone knows i have enough money to buy you and your boyfriend….but to answer your ignorant question im her boyfriend.”   He would say walking off with you

Originally posted by junghosyub

 SUGA: would be quite amused by this statement. He would chuckle slightly under his breath before making them feel embarrassed by his words.                    “now listen those might be two of the names she calls me but please do not put them together.”

Originally posted by lets-fly-away-bts

NAMJOON: rap mon would just sit there quietly as you yell at your friends. enjoying every second until you got out of hand.                                                        “-and let me tell you another thing you fucking troll….” “okay okay babe calm down i think they heard enough lets go.”                                                   he would smirk at how cute you were standing up for ya’lls relationship.

Originally posted by baebsaes

J-HOPE: would cringe as soon as the words fell from the lips of your friends. he would most likely scream most of the time but when he stopped hobi would say   “that is disgusting y/n would never sleep with someone for money and gifts especially an old man….right jagi?!?!” not caring what they meant of him but manly what their words would be accusing you of.


Originally posted by eatjin

TAEHYUNG: v would take it as a compliment when your friends said that and continued that way until it was just the to of ya’ll, then he would tell you how he really felt about the whole situation.                                                                              “jagia, why would they say that…do they not like me. does everyone think that about us”   tae would honestly feel the worst out of all the members

Originally posted by yoongichii

JIMIN: he would actually take it as a compliment and mean it. he would go on and on about how much you love each other and how he always gives you gifts but he would be sure to make it clear that is not the reason the two of you you are together.                                                                                                                “ Thank you, i am a wealthy man who buys y/n gifts and yes we do have sex so i guess its the same thing..but im not and old pervert and we do actually love each other”

Originally posted by am-the-cutest

JUNGKOOK: like jin he would also be annoyed at the remark but unlike jin he would not waste time thinking about a comeback, he would just flat out say what he felt at that very moment.                                                                             “that is complete bull shit, im sorry but i am not some old man who needs to pay a beautiful woman like y/n to spend time with me. I AM A REAL MAN”


Originally posted by spongecakechimchim


-all gifs belong to rightful owners- 

Admin Hanako (the better admin)

A Gift From a God

A quick little fic for @snowbellewells inspired by this post X where Killian and Emma are going to be married and are surprised by Liam, the elder, in ghostly form. 

Words - 1300     Rating - K


Killian lay on the bunk in the quarters assigned to them on the Nautilus, Emma tucked into his side, her head on his shoulder and hand wrapped in the chain of Liam’s ring that was around his neck.  Their journey to save Agrabah had been successful, even if Jafar had thought that he had bested him, at one point, until his Swan swept in with her kiss and saved him yet again.  Feeling her rub her cheek against his shoulder, he rolled them onto their sides and tilted her chin up with his hand, “Why so vexed love?”

Emma snuggled into the curve of his shoulder, rubbing circles in the soft hairs on his chest. “What makes you think I have a problem?”

“Open book and all.”

Pushing him back over, she propped herself up on her elbow, “I almost didn’t make it.”

“But you did. I knew you would find me.  You always do.”

“I love you, Killian.” She hesitated while gathering her thoughts. “I think,” and then she stopped speaking and took a deep breath before continuing.  “Marry me?”

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When some people hear the word feminist they are automatically against it.
The prefix fem being feminine or female
Because they aren’t represented in the name it doesn’t apply to them.
Therefore does not matter.
These are the same people who chant “all lives matter” demand a white history month and started the meninist “movement”.
I get asked why I would label myself as a feminist as if it’s synonymous to words too hateful to speak.
I am this unspeakable word because I want equal rights.
Yes I can vote but I’ve only had this so called right for less than a hundred years
Yes I can work but I only make seventy-eight cents to my male counterparts dollar
Yes I can sleep around but not without having a string of insults hurled in my face.
I am a feminist.
Because the government places laws on my body
When I can and cannot terminate a pregnancy sometimes placing a fertilized egg’s “life” over my own.
Telling me I can’t breastfeed my child in public telling me it’s “indecent.”
Because the phrase “she was asking for it” is thrown around as often as we breathe.
As if I should consider who might not be able to “control” themselves at the presence of my skin.
As if I should expect to be attacked if I drink too much.
Or flirt too much.
Or if I am unconscious.
I am a feminist because I learned how to place my keys between my knuckles when walking home.
Because when my sister moved out my parents gave her a can of pepper spray.
A parting gift they didn’t think to give to my brother.
Armed with a pink canister and a set of keys while I walk home alone at night.
I am a feminist because when I was thirteen a grown man followed me home in his car when I wouldn’t give him my number.
Because women have been killed when rejecting catcalls and requests for phone numbers.
Because a man running for President of the United States said “grab them by the pussy you can do anything” in regards to what you can do to a woman.
Because he said: “it’s impossible to be a ten if you’re flat chested.”
Because I was force fed what is beautiful from a young age
Because I had self esteem issues by eleven
And a body dysmorphic disorder by thirteen
Because I was told I had to be thin in order to be attractive.
I am a feminist because I am recovering from trying to be “beautiful”
I was told if shaved my legs and underarms the boys would like me.
But let me tell you I haven’t taken a razor to either of those places in months and I couldn’t feel more beautiful than I am now.
I am a feminist.
Because wanting equal rights doesn’t take away from the ones you already have.
—  I am a feminist, my free verse piece for creative writing.
LISA FRANK BRAND BERRY SCENTED BODY WASH
aaamaaazooon

LET’S DO A REVIEW OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH

WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS

I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT

FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING

THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS

rub me on your body

ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT

IDK ABOUT YALL BUT LAST I CHECKED THE EXACT PURPOSE OF BODY WASH IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN SO THAT RIGHT THERE WAS A RED FLAG BUT I PROCEEDED, ALBEIT WITH PROPER PRECAUTION AS TO AVOID APPLYING AROUND MY EYES AS DIRECTED BY THE PACKAGING OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. ALSO IT SAYS TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE MARKETING THIS PRODUCT NOT FOR CHILDREN BUT FOR GROWN MEN SUCH AS MYSELF

I APPLIED A GENEROUS AMOUNT TO MY HANDS TO BEGIN THE CLEANING.

i’m so fucked up

AND THAT WAS WHEN THE MOST POTENT SMELL OF ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BERRY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE

I NEARLY FELL OVER IN THE SHOWER. IT WAS SO FUCKING BERRY. IT WAS LIKE I MADE SWEET LOVE TO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC BERRY WOMAN AND DOVE NOSE-FIRST INTO HER GUSHING FRUITY LOINS. THERE WAS NO FURTHER DOUBT THAT THIS WAS INDEED LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. IT’S NO WONDER LISA FRANK’S ART IS ALL SO COLORFUL, SHE’S FUCKING HIGH AS BALLS HUFFING HER BERRY-ASS BODY WASH.

IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER

0/10 WOULD NOT BERRY AGAIN

-tumblr user aaamaaazooon

song: To Glory: Two Steps From Hell (x)