i am genuinely truly sorry for this

That was nearly immediate.

I admitted right off the bat that I know I have no art skills, so I don’t fully disagree. But please, be gentle. I really am trying my best here.

As for why I’d want him to see the post, it’s mostly for the effort. I think showing effort in making something is a really good way of showing appreciation. 

That being said, if I get too many more of these I will take the post down. I genuinely don’t want to bother anyone, and if it truly does, I will get rid of it.

I’m sorry. I truly am.

You always used to tell me that I would never have to apologize to you for anything I could ever say or do because that was ‘me’, and you loved what came from me when I was truly being myself…
Yet here I am when it’s all said and done apologizing to you anyway because despite how genuinely ‘me’ I was with you, it still wasn’t enough to make you stay… And I don’t think there’s anything in my life I’ve ever been more sorry for than that.
#jealousy #confession #wine

Prompts: @antoinetteblues
Author: @queenofthyme

Perhaps Harry’s intentions hadn’t been clear enough. Perhaps he should have been more straight forward with Draco. But really, wasn’t it obvious? Did he really have to say it?

Of course his invite to dinner was a date. How could Draco interpret it any other way? They’d had lunch together alone before, plenty of times, but never dinner. Dinner meant something more than just colleagues or friends. At least it did to Harry. It had taken him weeks to work up the courage just to ask.

And he had turned up to find out Draco had invited Pansy and Blaise, thinking it was a group dinner. Harry had had to excuse himself while Draco sorted out their table – “Oh no, the reservation was for six people, wasn’t it Harry? You must have misheard him over the phone” – and call Hermione and Ron to urgently join him.

It had taken some time to convince them. Ron couldn’t stop laughing long enough to have a conversation and Hermione insisted Harry simply tell Draco how he felt. Like it was that easy. Like he hadn’t already revealed enough by asking Draco out for dinner. 

With a lot of begging, Hermione and Ron had dressed and apparated over, coming to Harry’s rescue. And now Harry found himself wedged between the two, opposite Draco, also wedged between his own friends. Draco hadn’t spoken to Harry directly at all. There was polite group chatter in which they both participated, but it wasn’t like their long nights alone in the office together, nothing like their lunches. For the most part, Draco spoke with his own friends, whispering into Pansy’s ear, laughing into Blaise’s shoulder.

Harry had always thought that his growing relationship with Draco was something special. Something different. But seeing Draco with his other friends, perhaps it wasn’t anything particular at all. Just a convenient friendship with a colleague, to bide the time during the workday until he could go out with his real friends.

Harry hadn’t meant to get drunk. But he had a habit of drinking nervously just to have something to do with his hands. And the waiter kept filling up his wine glass. So, by dessert, when Pansy laughed – a sound that Harry was growing to hate – at one of Draco’s jokes and placed a hand on his shoulder, Harry didn’t have the control to stop himself from commenting.

“Oh, you’re just so funny, Draco!” He said, in a very poor imitation of Pansy’s voice.

Everybody turned to stare at him.

“What the fuck, Potter?” Blaise said.

“What the fuck, Zabini?” Harry mimicked with another terrible imitation.

Hermione nudged him under the table. Harry paid no mind, and went to take another swig of his wine glass.

Draco’s hands stopped him, leaning over the table to pull Harry’s wine glass from his grip. “Harry, are you drunk?” He asked quietly.

Harry laughed. “Now, you pay attention to me,” he mumbled. He tried to steal the glass back, but Draco held it out of his reach.

“What do you mean by that?” Draco asked, his eyes boring into Harry’s intently.

Harry looked away – he was starting to feel dizzy with that gaze directed at him. “You’ve been getting chummy with Pansy and Blaise all night.”

“Harry,” Ron whispered urgently beside him, “I think you –“

“Chummy?” Draco repeated. “They’re my friends, Harry. Of course we’re chummy.”

Harry’s head felt heavy. “So, I’m not your friend then? I’m just someone you work with?” Harry’s voice was rising dangerously, the alcohol helping him forget where he was.

Draco gently placed Harry’s glass back down on the table, his voice, still quiet, in great contrast to Harry’s. “I wouldn’t be here if you were just someone I worked with.”

“Then why’d you have to bring Pansy and Blaise?”

“Why’d you bring Ron and Hermione?” Draco countered.

“Because I saw your friends and didn’t want you to know this was a date so I forced them to – “

“This is a date?” Draco interrupted, at the same time Harry realised what he’d said. The alcohol was loosening his tongue.

“It was supposed to be,” Harry said sulkily, looking back up at Draco. He knew he was being childish but he didn’t particularly care. This had been brewing all night, and eight and a half glasses later, Harry wasn’t so concerned about consequences.

Draco – to his credit – looked genuinely apologetic. “Harry, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise.”

“What else would it be?”

“Harry, I truly am sorry, but in my defence, you did suggest we ‘hang out for dinner’ and that I could ‘invite anyone I wanted.’”

“You weren’t supposed to want to invite anyone!” Harry yelled, ignoring the sniggers from Pansy and Ron.  

“And how was I supposed to know that?” Draco retorted, his face a mixture of frustration and amusement.

Irritated at being laughed at, Harry slumped down into his seat and crossed his arms. “You just were.”

“Harry,” Draco said softly after a pause, “Would you like to go out for dinner with me tomorrow night? I promise it’ll just be the two of us. And significantly less wine I hope.”

Harry looked up at Draco, suspicious. “Are you just trying to make this up to me out of pity?”

“It’s a date, Harry,” Draco said with a light chuckle, “I want to go on a date with you. Do you accept?”

Harry shrugged – to a snort of laughter from Ron. He didn’t want to look too eager but it was probably eight glasses late to try to act coy. He recalibrated, stared Draco right in the eye and gave his honest answer (albeit a little slurred): “I’d love to go on a date with you, Draco.”

more like this l @queenofthyme

“ENOUGH OF THE GAY STUFF”

Sent to my website email this morning - Subject: Enough Message: Enough of the gay stuff on Bright Sessions. Please we are begging you. Sent on: June 2, 2017.

So here we are, two days into PRIDE month. How’s everybody doing?

I’m going to start off by leaning into the mic and saying with full-throat clarity: “Fuck you…you fucking fuck”.

I am a gay man…and before that, I was a gay kid…a scared and angry kid who had so much internal homophobia brewing inside of him that he thought he might explode because nothing in the world was convincing him, or trying to convince him for that matter, that it was normal and okay to be who he really was. And I can tell you, when I was that scared kid, shows like The Bright Session were almost non-existent; and what a shame.

I would have cried from happiness if The Bright Sessions existed when I was a boy. Shows like The Fosters, Glee, Eye Witness, Riverdale, Shadowhunters…shows where I could see myself on the screen in a way all of my heterosexual friends could without question since birth. 

Today I turn on the radio…and 99.999% of the music is, narratively, written/produced with a straight audience in mind…and in some cases/genres it’s used to target and ridicule me and my sexuality.

I live in a world where gay men are being thrown off of rooftops and “exorcized” in Chechnya because they are seen as aberrations; less than…underserving of love and existence. I live in a world where in my own country, a venomous discriminatory fear-based movement validated by the election of their figurehead sent a resounding message that my rights are actually up for debate.

In a world where there is so little positive reflected back at me…so little out there saying that my truth and the stories that express my life and experiences on this earth are valid…in a world where I feel like every day and every breath is a stand to qualify my existence…In that world, I get a message that tells me “enough of the gay stuff”. 

So…to the person who sent this message, I feel sorry for you; I genuinely do…I truly, genuinely and absolutely do. How terrible your life must be, and how delicate your self-image must be to reach out and say something like that. At first look, the message is mean and evil…but then the shaky-ground of masculine fragility reveals itself, as it always does, and I pity you. 

This is Pride Month…It’s meant to celebrate the LGBT+ community and our allies by opening up to share the beauty and diversity of our lives with everyone. I am proud of who I am…and it took a damn long time to get here.

I can’t really speak for Lauren, our creator/show-runner, or the rest of the cast, but…we have a gay character, a bi character, a lesbian character and a “no labels at this time” character confirmed as canon in The Bright Sessions…and I’m here to tell you we will never “enough with the gay stuff”. We are here to celebrate the people and stories that matter to us…Caleb, Adam, Mark and Rose are my friends; these are the people I have in my life and I think you’d be lucky to know. So yeah, no…not “enough of the gay stuff”. 

*throws glitter in the air and walks off*

- Briggon 

Originally posted by spindle-berry

Imagine finding Loki


The four of you stand in shock at the sight before you. 

Loki, the god of mischief, is sitting right in front of you.

The poor excuse of a god chained up and sitting on a box right in front of you. 

The poor excuse of a god that you fell in love with years ago that you thought died (again) sitting right in front of you in all his glory.

“Suprise?” You finally question, he nods with a guilty smile on his face. You let out a scoff while you shake your head, anger building up inside. “Surprise?” You repeat, pushing him back off the box.

“(Y/N–” Thor goes to intervene as you step over his brother but Banner stops him.

“Surprise?” You bend over and pull on the chains around him till his face is only a few inches away from yours. “Surprises are supposed to be a type of celebration for a joyous occasion. Surprises are supposed to be a child getting the toy he wanted for Christmas or a proposal or a pregnancy, Loki. 

“You chained up…” You take a moment to remove your eyes from his to look around the room. “This…” You let out a sigh when your eyes meet his guilty ones. “This is not a surprise.”

“I’m sorry, love.” He apologizes. “I tried to come back for you after the Dark Elves but you weren’t there and I didn’t know what to do.”

“You could’ve not faked your death for starters.” You inform, tears filling your eyes at the memory of grieving all over again. “For the second time.”

“I know.” He whispers.

“I thought you were actually gone for good this time.” You quietly admit, caressing his jaw.

You both go silent for a few moments; both of you taking in each other's features, re-familiarizing yourselves with one another. Loki leans into your touch as he looks into your eyes while you scan over his face.

“I truly am so sorry, (Y/N).” Loki admits, his voice genuine and his eyes show nothing but guilt and sorrow. “If I knew it would do this much damage to you, I wouldn’t have done it in the first place.” He says, you don’t respond.

“You know how I am…” He tilts his chin away from your hand to get your attention back up to his eyes. “always dramatic.”

You let out a loud scoff. “You’re telling me.” You let an amused smile slip onto your lips. “I’d compare you to the character Draco Malfoy of the Midgardian’s Harry Potter series if you knew who that actually was.”

“I’m actually very well educated on that series, thank you very much.” Now it’s his turn to scoff. “And I would like you to know, I would never fall down from a petty animal bite… and my father would certainly not be hearing about anything.”

You let out a soft giggle causing a wide smile to appear on Loki’s face.

“I hate you so much.” You mumble, leaning down a bit more to press a short peck to his lips.

“I love you too.” He gleams.


This was kind of bad lol

If I could, I would write him a letter. I’d write to him something that would let me tell him how sorry I am for what I did to him, but mostly for what I did to us. I’d tell him that there was never a moment when he wasn’t enough for me, and that he shouldn’t ever let himself think so. I’d tell him that he never failed me, and that instead I failed him. Over and over again. I’d tell him that he shouldn’t have been charged with the weight of two people when he was already so much in one person, and that I truly wouldn’t mind if there were times when he just genuinely hated me. I’d have hated me too. As a matter fact, I really do hate the person I was. I hate how little control I had over myself. I hate how little control I have over myself, right now in this moment and at this time. I hate that I lost him, and I’d tell him that I’ve hated every single day since the moment when I realized that he and I would never be the same ever again. Because I lost something that meant more to me than I’ve been aware of. And even though we can sit beside each other without being as awkward as we used to be, I miss knowing the things that went on in his head. I miss knowing him. But maybe I needed this, you know? Maybe I needed to face all of this so that I could come out a new person. Maybe there will come a day in the future when I can be the person that he makes me want to be. And maybe that’ll be with him. But still…maybe not.
—  🖤
Gathering

“Would you like another slice of pie, Fox?”

Maggie Scully hovers over Mulder, plate of freshly cut apple pie in hand. She doesn’t wait for him to answer. He gets a third slice whether he likes it or not.

“Thank you, Mrs. Scully,” he says when she hands him the plate. She beams and squeezes his shoulder.

“It’s Maggie, dear.”

Next to him, Scully snorts. She’s been in a mood since Maggie called her last night and told her Bill Jr was in town and she and Mulder were invited over for a spur of the moment dinner. He elbows her lightly in the ribs.

“Something funny, Dana?”

She giggles and shifts away from him, scooting closer to Melissa on the old floral couch the three of them are sharing. “Nothing, Fox.“

They’re Dana and Fox today at Scully’s request. Apparently, it’s inappropriate to call your significant other by their surname. Mulder tried to argue that since they weren’t significant others in the traditional sense, they could break a few mores but Scully wouldn’t listen.

“If we’re having dinner with my family, we’re going to pretend to be a normal couple,” she’d said in the car. “My brother doesn’t even know your name but he hates you so, for the love of God, call me Dana. If you do that and keep the alien talk to a minimum, we might just make it out alive.”

Mulder looks down at their casually joined hands—not all of this normal couple behavior is bad. He wants to hold her hand more often and today gives him an excuse to. The feeling must be mutual because Scully keeps rubbing his knuckles with her thumb, an intimate act that draws the attention of Bill Jr.

He eyes them from the loveseat across the room, his fiancée notably absent—something about a meeting that ran late. It’s weird seeing Scully’s features in a man. He has her scrutinizing gaze only, it’s not nearly as cute as Scully’s. In fact, it’s downright disturbing.

Bill Jr clears his throat. “So how long have you been seeing each other.”

“Since November,” Scully says.

“While you were in quarantine?”

“Oh, lay off, Bill,” Melissa mumbles. “You spent an hour telling me how I’m going to hell for being a lesbian. You had your fun tonight. Leave Dana and Fox alone.”

Scully snags a gooey apple slice from Mulder’s untouched pie and pops it into her mouth. She glances at Mulder as she licks a dribble of caramel from her lips, a silent but effective way of telling him to keep quiet and let her handle this.

“No, it was before quarantine. I treated him to a cup of coffee the morning we left for Mount Avalon.”

Now it’s Mulder’s turn to snort. Scully shoots him a “don’t you dare” look and he just shrugs innocently because he loves making her flustered. She lets go of his hand as punishment but Mulder doesn’t even care since her cheeks are turning as pink as her cardigan.

Their interaction doesn’t go unnoticed. Bill Jr clears his throat again.

“Are you two having sex?”

Mulder chokes on his pie and Maggie is at his side in an instant.

“Fox, honey, are you alright?” She rubs his back as Mulder manages a slight nod.

“M’fine.”

She fusses over him a beat longer before turning to face Bill Jr.

“William August Scully Junior you should be ashamed of yourself,” she spits while waving a threatening finger in Bill Jr’s face. The bulky navy man like a child. “If I ever hear you say such a crass and rude thing to your sister again, Lord help you, boy because I brought you into this world, I sure as hell can take you out of it.”

A stunned silence follows, only to be broken by Melissa’s squealing laughter. She throws her head back, Scully Red hair falling across the ugly floral couch. An angel in a witchy dress.

Soon, Scully is chuckling and her giggles send Mulder into a fight of his own. Even Bill Jr smiles—albeit with a fearful glance at his mother.

“Jesus Christ, Mom,” Melissa wheezes. “You haven’t used that threat in years.”
Maggie’s matronly face grows bashful as she hides behind her hands. “Melissa, dear, don’t use the Lord’s name in vain.”
Melissa turns to Mulder, mirth in her eyes. “Bill and Dana used to go at it all the time when we were kids—drove Mom up the wall until one day, she threatened to send them both to hell where they could fight it out for eternity with the devil.”

“Remind me to never make your mother mad,” Mulder murmurs to Scully who’s still giggling into his shoulder.

“Oh, Fox, you could never make me mad. You’re such a sweet man, just what I’ve always wanted for my Dana.”

Bill Jr regains his confidence and clears his throat once more. Oh, the tenacity of a Scully.

“Fox,” he says, slowly like he’s treading on thin ice—which he is because Scully stops laughing and goes on the attack.

“Don’t, Bill. I know you want me to find a respectable, normal man with a respectable, normal job but I can’t have normal with the X Files. No lawyer in their right mind would date a woman that gets quarantined every other month. Normal men want women who’ll make dinner and be home every night and that’s not who I am.”

“I like my life with Mulder and the X Files. Yes, he can be insufferable and a pain in the ass—”

“Dana—”

“—Butt, sorry, Mom,” Scully amends before continuing. “But he always watches my back. What we do may be dangerous but we do it together and keeping each other alive is the most important thing to us no matter the case.”

Mulder’s chest clenches at Scully’s monologue. He takes her hand and brings it to his lip in a rare display of affection. They haven’t kissed or even truly fucked—Scully wants to take it slow—but there’s genuine affection in her voice. She kinda sorta maybe loves him and he just might love her too.

anonymous asked:

You basically ripped off Colubrinas story with yours. Your title isn't original you stole that. Get a life or better yet. Don't. Kill yourself. Please. Do us all a favor and stop stealing things that aren't yours and just end it. Smdh. Kys bitch!

Oh my dear anon, 
You are not the first to send me hate, death threats, appealing to me to kill myself, etc. I was made aware shortly after I began to talk about this fic that Colubrina did indeed have one with a similar title. Before I could even begin to respond to these people and try to make amends I was already being bombarded with messages much like this one. 

The only thing I really have to say to you anon is this: I truly feel sorry for you. I am actually a survivor of suicide (Four times to be exact) and I am proud to say I am no longer in that dark place that I once was. You should never encourage someone to take their life, no matter how much you dislike them. If you had been around earlier, you would have known I actually asked permission from @colubrina about the similar titles and expressed how genuinely sorry I was (Because I didn’t know she had a fic with that title) She was very nice about it all and said that there are hundreds of fics with similar titles out there and that she was 100% okay with me having that title. 

So if she is okay with it, why aren’t you anon? I don’t know if you are religious or not but know this; I will pray for you. I will pray to every God, Goddess, Energy, and Spirit out there that this hatred within you will relinquish its hold. Though if you would like to continue this conversation, I would love nothing more than for you to come off of Anonymous and we can have a real chat.  💚

Have a nice day sweetie.   ❤️ I hope this made you feel a little better and you won’t go around doing it to someone else.  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Blessed Curse

A continuation of Cursed Blessing, featuring @justwritingscibbles‘s Lightiplier. 

Originally posted by ofallingstar

“I have to admit,” Dark said, pulling blankets up around you, “I do feel lucky to have you.”
“Me too. You’re exhausting, but I wouldn’t trade you for the world.” He smiled and kissed your forehead firmly, protectively.
“Sweet dreams, pet.”

~

Keep reading

First Impressions (Charles Xavier x Reader)

REQUEST: I was wondering if you could write one about Charles Xavier of course when he Is young 😂, were he meets you and he is pretty site to you are a mutant so he wants to help you find your power. But you now you are not one and in the end he always new that also and he only wanted to spend time with you because he love you hahaha hahaha 😂😂😂 

a/n: helloo! this one took me a bit to write, sorry love! my wifi was down when we got home and i just got it back yikes 

ps: i mightve changed the request a teeeensy bit only cause it seemed like a slightly manipulative thing for charles to do? 

anyways, i hope you enjoy :) 

@zamaryzamary 

WORD COUNT: 1,178 

*********************************** 

Y/N’s shift at the bar had been going great that night. Four hours in, $300 in tips, and no sleazy men offering her their room keys. So far, so good. 

The night grew slow after 9PM, much slower than usual considering how upscale the hotel was. So slow that Y/N’s boss had given her permission to close early and Y/N wasn’t going to complain. A short shift on a Friday and good tips? Unheard of. 

Just as Y/N was putting away the last of the clean glasses, two men entered the empty bar. Y/N looked up at the sound of barstools scraping and almost sighed aloud. 

‘I knew I should have locked the door before cleaning. Nice goin’, Y/N.' 

Y/N begrudgingly made her way along the bar, trying to keep her expression neutral. Technically, the bar didn’t close until 1AM. It was only 11. Too early to kick them out.

The shorter of the two men looked up at Y/N when she stopped in front of them, his blue eyes raking up her form where they stopped at her face. His hair fell into his eyes and he smiled brilliantly. Y/N just raised a brow and looked between him and his friend. 

“What can I get you guys?" 

The other man, looking particularly intimidating in a black turtleneck and leather jacket, rolled his eyes at his friend and ordered straight whiskey. Y/N inwardly sighed in relief at the simplicity of the order. Y/N looked to the other man, awaiting his request. 

"Well, your number would be perfect, darling." 

Y/N rolled her eyes at his poor attempt at a pick-up line. The two had obviously already been drinking, and blue-eyes was absolutely trashed. He reeked of alcohol. 'So this is how this is gonna go.' 

"Ooh. Tough luck, we just ran out of that. Anything else?" 

The man in the turtleneck cracked a smirk at the put-out expression on his friend’s face. "He’ll have the same." 

Y/N nodded and turned to fix their drinks, wishing silently that another patron would walk into the bar. This was horrifyingly awkward. 

One of the men cleared his throat, interrupting the silence. When he began speaking, Y/N rolled her eyes. ’Oh. Flirty McBritish Guy again.

"I’m Charles, by the way. And this is Erik. My name is most certainly not 'Flirty McBritish Guy’, Y/N." 

Y/N almost dropped the two glasses of whiskey, hurting her neck with how quickly she turned around. 

"Excuse me…?" 

The other man, Erik, was looking at Charles questioningly. Charles looked at him and quirked a brow, head tilting in Y/N’s direction. He mouthed a couple words drunkenly and Erik’s brows rose in realization: ”Mutant.“ 

Y/N watched the entire exchange, completely confused. "How did you know my name? 

"I read your mind.” The man, Charles, said it as though it was the most casual thing in the world. Like he hadn’t just heard her thoughts. Erik was side-eyeing Charles, cursing his drunkenness for its current possibility of scaring off a new recruit. 

Y/N’s confused expression turned angry. “You read my mind? Listen, buddy, I get that you’re drunk off your ass, but people can’t read minds. Now how the hell did you kn-" 

Erik decided to take the lead from his very intoxicated friend. "We’re like you, Y/N. And, we know others like you." 

Y/N furrowed her brow, her face contorted in confusion. "What the hell do you mean 'others like me’? What is this?" 

Y/N was beginning to grow impatient. She put the whiskey glasses in front of the two men, her hands coming to her hips. "Who are you?" 

Charles smiled, "We aren’t here to hurt you. We’re mutants, like you, Y/N. We’re here with an offer." 

Y/N was completely, utterly, hopelessly confused. 

Erik looked to Charles, eyebrows raised. His look communicated his thought perfectly: ”Are you sure she’s a mutant?“ 

Charles responded mentally: ”Just bear with me here.“ 

Erik glared harshly at Charles. ”So she’s not a mutant then? Charles, we don’t have ti-“ 

Erik’s mental tirade was interrupted when Charles cut their communication. Erik continued to glare at his friend, hoping that his hangover tomorrow would be excruciating to act as payback for this. 

Y/N looked on, irritation visible in her features as she watched their silent communication. "What offer?" 

Charles smiled flirtatiously instead of the genial way he had before. "A date. With me." 

Erik sighed, dropping his head onto the bar with a dull thud, mumbling. "Dear Christ, Charles." 

Y/N rose a single eyebrow, more angry than bemused. "That’s what this is? You invaded my head, tricked your friend into thinking I was a -what did you call yourselves? Mutants?" 

Charles nodded, his smirk having fallen into a sheepish smile. Y/N continued and Erik smirked as Charles got told off. 

"A mutant, thank you. You scare the piss out of me, someone that you have just met, all so you can be a creep and ask me on a date?" 

Charles nodded slowly, his gaze apologetic as he began to see past his drunken haze. "Probably wasn’t the greatest first impression, was it?" 

Y/N shook her head. "No. No it wasn’t. Get out of my bar. And maybe stop drinking for tonight before you tell the whole world that you can read minds." 

Erik chuckled amusedly, patting a downtrodden Charles on the back as he stood. "You had that coming, my friend. Let’s go." 

Charles stood also, looking back at Y/N. "I am truly sorry. I don’t know what on Earth I was thinking." 

Y/N kept her gaze hard, trying not to smirk at how genuinely upset he looked. "You weren’t thinking. Whiskey will do that." 

Charles nodded, his head low as he exited the bar before Erik. The latter fished out his wallet, paying for the untouched drinks and tipping Y/N generously. 

"I apologize for him. Have a nice night, miss. And, it might bode well for you to not tell anyone what happened tonight.” Erik turned to leave but was stopped by Y/N calling out for him. 

“Hold on a sec!" 

Erik turned to see Y/N scribbling something on her order-pad before ripping the piece of paper out and handing it to him. It was her phone number. Erik’s brows almost disappeared into his hairline as he looked at the scrap of paper, disbelieving. "You’re not serious." 

Y/N smirked, "His hangover is going to be killer tomorrow. He might as well have something pleasant to wake up to. I think it says a lot that he didn’t just dig around my head for my number. And, he has the whole 'handsome-British’ thing going for him, so that’s a plus." 

Erik was still stood in disbelief and Y/N laughed. "Now seriously, get out of my bar so I can close." 

Erik shook his head, turning to exit the bar as he mumbled to himself, "Charles, you lucky bastard.”

Our love has a way about it.

So, yes, after gazzilion iterations and plenty of rants to ppl’s personal chats, I have been finally able to get my version of post that call fic. Plenty thanks to the ever lovely @love-yellow-door for her beta-ing skills and continuous patience and encouragement.

Also posted on ff.net here and ao3 here.


“Oh Go-”, she’d gasped as soon as she’d entered her flat. Eyes closed she took a moment to catch her breath and waiting for her heartbeat to become normal. She removed her shoes and hung her coat by the door, noticing then the Belstaff already occupying space on the rack.

Sherlock’s silhouette was backlit by the street light as he reached over and switched on the light by his side. It made his face look sharper, his eyes glinting in the dark like an animal’s on a hunt. But it also made his face look gaunt, a fact that didn’t escape her.

Entering the living room she stood facing him, her face devoid of any expression other than mild resignation at the cancellation of whatever plans she was sure she would’ve made.

“Hungry?” she asked.

He gave a sharp nod, not able to hold her gaze. She sighed as she moved to put the kettle on, removing ingredients from the fridge before finally heading to her bedroom. She usually shut the bedroom door whenever he was in the flat, but today she didn’t bother, instead heading right to her wardrobe to grab her change of clothes and then moving out of sight, into her shower.

He had always found things to keep him occupied otherwise but today he couldn’t take his eyes off her open doorway.

It only seemed right; after all there wasn’t much left for her to hide now.

Keep reading

Okay I’ve attempted to make a follow forever for quite some time now and honestly this took forever to make anyway?? But I’ve reached 1200 which I feel is a decent milestone so I wanted to make one of these to celebrate! :D I do want to preface though, because I’ve mentally said it over probably thirty times at least as I was making this that I truly am sorry that I’m the worst person ever at communication and literally I love to talk to anyone, but sometimes I genuinely forget and don’t look in my IMs for months on end and the next time I see it I’m like?? Oh wow they probably hate me for taking so long should I still reply?? Lolol, but yeah I’ll go ahead and do these but I’m gonna do the special shoutouts at the bottom ^.^ But honestly thank you and I love you to everyone who follows me and who I follow and I appreciate all of you and I know I forgot people so chances are even if you’re not on here I’ll still follow you forever??

Keep reading

j-aanine  asked:

hii! i read your tags from my post (aka 7thtens) hahaha. i can tell that you really love those boys and it's so nice to see! but yes, please send me cute bap things. but i think it'll be easier if i followed you, so i'll look out for those cute (and not so cute ones too lmao 🙊) things! ahhhhh, i genuinely wanna know more about them.

OMG I truly with all my entire heart and soul adore these men and lovelovelove sharing them with new fans and it makes me very happy when people show interest in them so here I am, willing to give you any content you should ask for lol (sorry I just am very dedicated to them) 
((also I just linked a lot of info so please if you ever have the free time go through them, B.A.P is so neat and just wow lol)

I made a post a couple months ago for just my favorite reasons to stan B.A.P if you would like to go throug there?
It just points out cute moments/MV’s, songs, interviews and other variety things that I personally enjoyed and other Babys basically obsess over (truly they are the cutest weirdest bunch)

Heres a list of all their MV’s
(strap yourself in for their mvs, they’re all amazing!)

Members SNS
Yongguk: Twitter || Instagram
Himchan: Twitter || Instagram 
Daehyun: Twitter || Instagram
Youngjae: Twitter || Instagram
Jongup: Twitter || Instagram
Zelo: Twitter || Instagram || 2nd Instagram(videos) || Mochii (his pupper) instagram

Official websites: VAPP || TS.Ent Youtube || B.A.P Japanese Youtube 

B.A.P Blogs: @itsbap @mato-world

 Member wise you Got
Bang Yongguk: Leader, Rapper, composer, writes almost all of B.A.Ps music. fluffy awkward dad, tigger enthusiast , puppy cuddlier prolly, mean mugging intimidating to others but is actually a cupcake, cave voice marshmallow. holy shit Yongguk is actually so precious 

Originally posted by missbaptan

Kim Himchan: Sub vocals, Visual, wine mom, bunny teeth smile, actually so super adorable with Babys, actual fucking nerd it’s ridiculous, softest heart with the hardest head, in love with bbang and jongup, will protect his children over anything. Took over as leader when bbang went out on hiatus for health reasons, carried B.A.P through end of the year performances/award shows + Noir comeback so bless Himchan ;;;

Originally posted by mybutterflyfact

Jung Daehyun: Main vocals, annoying oldest son, biggest fanboy of B.A.P, biggest fanboy of Babys, spoils all of us, is really loud and really extra, screams a lot, bounces around a lot, singing at any chance he gets, has really cute dimples and whiskers when he smiles, is actually a soft cute bun, like the softest honestly, can be a massive asshole to the other members but does it out of love, never take Daehyun srs please lol

Originally posted by daehdream

Yoo Youngjae: Lead vocals: sassy middle son, soooooo extra, brains of the group, MC of the group, fluffyfluffyfluffyfluffyfluffy, also super loud, gives everyone hella sass during interviews and vlives it’s actually super great. Daehyuns husband bestfriend, they are a power duo, never leave them alone together honestly. Is also rude but is just really smol can never take srsly, has a deal with his mom to never expose himself, we have yet to see any skin of Youngjae and it’s a curse. #DaehyunsMomOwesHimFood, looks really amazing in pink, Young+longcoats=gods work, actual king of aeygo.

Originally posted by hatfelting

 Moon Jongup: Lead dancer, sub vocals, little nerd boy, “one puuunch~” is actual a pup, needs to be protected at all costs, is really shy on camera, but sometimes he lets his real self show when he’s comfortable, is actually the most hilarious man ever, loves anime, loves reading manga, likes to be naked, is Himchans lil love bug, this kids sense of humor is amazing, literally a fucking meme without trying to be. Has a really strong love connection with chocolate milk. Likes to take his shirt off a lot, no ones complaining, he’s ripped asf, flips, flips everywhere. cutest crooked teeth. someonebuyhimglassesplease.

Originally posted by himchah

Choi Junhong(Zelo): Maknae, rapper, lead dancer. tall .-. only member with a stage name, goes hard asf with his verses honestly, imo one of the strongest rappers in kpop, loves his puppers, loves his hyungs, his hyungs love him so much. respects all of his brothers so much, meme lord, likes to be shirtless on instagram. huge flirt, 3am vlive adventures to waffle houses alone, drinks underage in America and we don’t understand how???????? He and Jongup help make up the choreography for B.A.P, has helped Yongguk write and compose music. is actually a very tall squish, needs to be stopped 25/8

Originally posted by ninichu

shit okay this got long, but if you have any questions feel free to ask me or any B.A.P blog on here, theres so many and I can give you some of the best if you feel like joining the fandom. We’re all really chill really meme-y sweet people and always welcome new babys to the fandom with open arms! 

You always used to tell me that I would never have to apologize to you for anything I could ever say or do because that was ‘me’, and you loved what came from me when I was truly being myself…
Yet here I am when it’s all said and done apologizing to you anyway because despite how genuinely ‘me’ I was with you, it still wasn’t enough to make you stay…

And I don’t think there’s anything in my life I’ve ever been more sorry for than that.

Hello everyone. I want to say thank you to everyone who sent countless messages of support, love, and genuine concern. I feel absolutely terrible for making everyone worry about me. After nearly 2 months in the hospital I have been released and will continue receiving psychiatric care along with other mental health supports. I suffered organ failure from an attempted overdose, had a fracture in my neck from other things I tried to do to myself, and had other medical complications after my attempt. I am truly ashamed and so sorry I was so weak. I will try to respond to all of the messages I received but at this point I have over 100 messages to respond to. I’m so sorry for failing all of you

I am a quiet person - rant

Ok here we go, I’m going to speak for all those  people who have a quiet personality and are sick of the comments people pass 🙂

1. I have nothing against you

I am quiet around everyone except maybe a few people, but VERY FEW people. It’s not just you. It’s not that I don’t like you, or anything like that. It’s not about you, it’s about me. Please don’t complain about how “snobby” I am because I was quiet around you. It’s just who I am, I’m a quiet person. Sorry you got the wrong message but maybe you should consider that I am quiet around everyone before coming down to conclusions. You see me sitting here, I’m not talking to anyone at this party, you’re not the only one here so why were you the only one to get offended? 

2. “Why don’t you talk”

Well one thing is that maybe I’ve got social anxiety ??????

Secondly, if I do get around my anxiety, I don’t know how to talk. Growing up, I never really talked, so I don’t know how. What do I talk about? How do I keep the conversation going? Did I say too much?

When talking other thoughts come up - am I being annoying? Am I talking too much? Does this person even like my presence? 

There are multiple reasons to why a person is quiet, but asking this question is plain out rude. I don’t ask you “why do you talk so much?

3. Bring some personality, you’re always just quiet. Get in there!

Sorry I’ll pass up on the attention and a lot of times people take my words the wrong way.

Also 90% of the time there’s a conversation, you all are calling someone out, backbiting, gossiping, etc. and I don’t want a part in that.

I don’t like being center of attention. 

and again, it’s just not who i am. 

Because I’m quiet, doesn’t mean I don’t have a personality. I have a BIG personality and A LOT of thoughts. Thank you very much, I’m still human.

I don’t understand why people make up stories in there heads when people are naturally quiet? Silence is beautiful and can speak for it’s own. A simple smile suffices. 

It’s not as if I don’t reply (now yes that would be rude), you talk to me, I do reply, and I make sure that I smile and don’t make it seem like I’m not interested (bc yes that is rude too). I just don’t start on my own usually. 

Truly, I don’t see the issue if you talk, and i reply with a genuine smile. Maybe my answers aren’t that detailed or long, but you don’t see that I am trying, I’m really trying. I try to hold a conversation, but it’s really hard.

We all have different preferences, talents, and personalities, please don’t make it an issue.

The Nanny (Ashton Irwin - Part 6)

“You’re letting him stay here?” your roommate questioned as you finished laying the blankets and pillows out on the couch.

“He has nowhere else to stay,” you murmured.

She was about to say something more, but she pursed her lips together when the front door opened and Ashton came back in the house with a bag over his shoulder. You cleared your throat and your roommate shook her head, heading down the hall to her room. Once you heard her door close, you looked back at Ashton and took a deep breath.

“Is this going to be enough blankets and stuff?” you asked, turning off the television.

“Yeah, it’s great, thank you,” he smiled, setting his bag down on the floor and out of the way. “Really, thank you.”

“Mhm.” You gave him a small smile.

“I… (Y/N), I truly am sorry for what I did,” he said quietly. “I am so sorry…”

“I need to know if you really mean that, or if you’re just saying it now because your reputation is ruined?” you asked, standing on the other side of the couch.

“My apology is genuine (Y/N), I swear to you. Sure, this whole situation feeds into it, but I do mean it…”

“So in other words, if you hadn’t been caught, none of this would be happening right now?” you argued and Ashton closed his eyes for a moment.

“I know you’re angry…”

“I am,” you confirmed.

“Okay, so I’m just going to go to bed then,” he said, putting his hands up and surrendering.

“Okay then,” you murmured.

“Goodnight,” he finished, dropping onto the couch with his back to you.

You hesitated before turning and walking down the hall to your bedroom, leaving the door open just a crack. Just in case.

Turning your bedside table light on and your big one off, you sat on your bed and kicked your feet up off of the floor. Laying back in your bed, you found that you were suddenly wide awake. Your mind wouldn’t stop thinking about the man who was currently residing on your couch. What persuaded you to allow him into your home, you had no idea.

You closed your eyes for a moment before grabbing your laptop, opening up Netflix for some background noise as you attempted to try and go to sleep. You left the little light on and your “attempt” to sleep was sitting in bed, re-watching the first few episodes of one of your shows.

When you heard a tapping at your bedroom door, you hit the spacebar, pausing the video.

“Yeah?” you said loud enough.

Ashton poked his head in and you raised an eyebrow up.

“Sorry, I saw your light on when I was coming back from the bathroom,” he said slightly.

“And you thought the best idea was to come knocking?” you questioned as he pushed the door open a little more, leaning in the doorway.

“Just wanted to check on ya,” he shrugged.

“Well… I’m fine so…” You didn’t know what to do really, and he didn’t look like he was going to move. “Do you need something?”

“Not really,” he shook his head.

“Okay?” you cleared your throat.

“I just wanted to see you again… I hate going to sleep knowing someone’s angry at me,” he bit his lip and you rolled your eyes.

“Mhm, kay. So how long has it been since you’ve slept then?”

“What do you mean?” Ashton shifted in the doorway.

“Well, your ex-wife must be pretty pissed at you, no?” you crossed your arms.

“Yeah, but…” he drifted off. “I don’t know. We barely spoke, didn’t sleep in the same room. We just tried for the baby really. So it doesn’t really bother me.”

“So what about me is different then?” you asked him after a couple seconds of just quiet.

Ashton looked up at you, pursing his lips together. His eyes fell to the floor and you pushed the laptop off of your lap so it was out of the way. He was quiet for longer than either of you were comfortable with. You could practically see the gears moving in his head.

“I don’t know the answer to that actually,” he finally spoke. “Maybe it’s because I care about you? Or something like that.”

“Funny,” you scoffed out.

“Why is me caring about you funny?”

“Let’s see… I was hired to be your daughters care taker, we kiss, you go down on me, your wife walks in on us, you throw me under the bus and then you spam me with calls and now you show up, homeless and on my couch, claiming you care about me? What about any of that is caring Ashton? Please, please explain this to me.”

You watched as his face fell slightly and for a moment, you regretted saying all that you did, but you held yourself strong. You couldn’t just go giving into him just like that.

“You’re right… what I did wasn’t caring at all and all I can say is I’m sorry.”

“I know you are,” you sighed.

The two of you looked at each other for a couple moments before he pushed himself up and gave you a small smile.

“I’m gonna head back down to bed, see you tomorrow morning yeah?”

“Did you maybe wanna uhm…” What were you doing? “Did you want to sleep in here? It’s a lot more comfortable than that couch… and uhm… yeah,” you smiled slightly, chewing your lip.

“Really?” he asked, not believing what you were offering.

Nodding your head, you pulled the blankets back on the empty side of your bed. Ashton couldn’t believe it but he slowly came over to the bed as you slid over just a little bit more to give him room. The bed sunk slightly as he sat down and got under the covers.

“You’re right, it’s a lot comfier,” he chuckled, trying to make it as comfortable for the both of you.

“Told you,” you chuckled, reaching over to turn the light off. “See you in the morning Ashton. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight (Y/N).”

Jealous

Can I get an iKon scenario where Hanbin gets jealous because my new music video consists of a really sexy dance with another guy

Originally posted by incrediyeol



No one ever said that it”d be easy to date an idol and they were right, but no one explained to Hanbin how difficult it was going to be for two idols to date each other. Don’t think of it the wrong way you and Hanbin loved each other very much and would never have it any other way. And he was very excited about your new comeback and the concept…That is until he found out who would be featured on the album and in the music video doing a sexy dance wit you.

“But baby, why him? And why does it have to be so sexy? And if it has to be so sexy why can’t it be with me,” he whined for the tenth time since you told him who would be in the music video.

“When I first told you about the comeback you didn’t seem to have a problem why now,” you ask knowing it was because he’s jealous. And he was jealous because of the special guest on the track which was your very good looking and talented Sunbae G-Dragon.

“Because,” he said with a pout.

You laughed, “That’s not an answer.”

He replies still pouting, “Well you didn’t answer any of my questions so why should I answer yours?”

You laugh and roll your eyes but give in anyways, “It’s him because he is featured on the song, It’s sexy because YG PDnim said it was time I had one, and if you are really that worried about it being too sexy why not come to the MV shoot and support me instead of whining? Besides I didn’t get all jealous when you were shooting your music videos that had you being close to other girls like Airplane or My Type or Apology or WYD.”

“ I wasn’t basically dry humping those girls though…And I am not jealous,” he states still pouting but now going to sit on the couch. You honestly loved it when he got jealous it was so cute. Before you started dating you would purposefully flirt with Jiwon just to get Hanbin to be a little possessive over you and it had worked.

“Why are you so jealous of Jiyong-sunbae anyways,” you ask going to sit next to him. It was a genuine question, sure you thought he was attractive almost everyone does, but he isn’t who you fell in love with.

 “He’s just so much better than me, so I am afraid that when you dance with him you’ll fall for him and leave me,” he replied softly.You couldn’t believe how genuinely broken he sounded as is you were already gone,

 "Hanbin don’t think like that. Jiyong-sunbae is indeed talented but I’d never leave you for him. I chose you for a reason and it’s not just because you are the cutest thing ever to grace my life,“ you said.

At that he giggled."I’m sorry jagi, I didn’t mean to be so jealous. But I was truly scared you’d leave me,” he says bringing you closer to him as he gives you a gentle kiss on the lips, “I promise I won’t think like that anymore… At least I’ll try to.” He gives you a wink before kissing you again and you giggle against his lips.

“I love you Hanbin never forget that," 

"I won’t, I love you too (Y/N)." 

The next day he came on to the set to watch and support you. Little did he know that because of his busy schedule you had to shoot all the sexy scenes with Jiyong that day. Hanbin was not pleased to say the least, he knew you loved him and was no longer scared you’d leave him but he still got jealous watching the way his Hyung was holding and touching you.When you were done filming you saw him and ran to him.

“Hey baby,” you said greeting him and giving him a quick kiss which he deepened making it last longer than it was intended to.

“You looked great,” he said wrapping his arm around your waist as he saw Jiyong approach.

“Hey Hanbinnie, isn’t she great you are one lucky man. Better keep a hold of her tight,” Jiyong said patting you on the back and you smiled.

“Hey Hyung yeah she is great and don’t worry I will. But if you’ll excuse us we have some business to take care of at home,” he says somewhat bitter but only noticeable to you.

Jiyong smiles, “Alright have fun you kids.” you both bowed as he left and you had to ask him.

“So what do we have to do at home?”

He smirks and discreetly grabs your butt, “We are going to go home and then I will show you how I can touch you better than he can.” You smiled and agreed and on the way home all you could think about was how you should make Hanbin jealous more often if this was the outcome.


A/N: I got something done yay!!! I got my laptop to work with me a little so I am going to try and get a few requests done. Thanks to everyone who has been so patient with their requests. Love you all!! ~Cia  

JEON SYMBOL {part 7 of CONNECTED}

The faded sound of sirens, beeping, and muffled voices flooded your senses, but you couldn’t open your eyes. There was so much happening around you, but the darkness continued to force you into a state of comatose. You wanted to open your eyes, figure out what was happening, but the darkness lured you into its grasp and you couldn’t get free.

Can someone explain what happened?! A familiar voice could be heard above you. You blinked your eyes open. Your head, wrapped in a bandage, throbbed with pain as you squinted at the bright surroundings. Hearing the screech of wheels and the huff of frustration, you knew before your eyes could focus who was sitting there.

Oppa? Your voice, laced with fatigue and confusion, called out to your brother and he turned to you.

Oh, Y/N. He murmured and put his hands on your cheeks. Now your blurred vision began to dilate to the lighting and you could see Seo Yeon’s face clearly. His eyes brimmed with tears as he gently stroked your hair, he looked on in disbelief. How did this happen? He asked himself aloud and you tried to shake your head, but the immediate shot of pain ran through your skull. Ah, ah, no moving. He murmured.

How did you know? You asked and he sighed.

You were leaving me a message when this all happened, do you remember anything about it? He asked and you thought back, but your head continued to throb. Wincing at the pain, Seo Yeon’s eyes widened with shock and fear. Nevermind, don’t think back on it. Let’s just focus on your getting better. He whispered and you shook your head.

The court date. You said back to him. I have to be there. You continued and Seo Yeon stopped his motions.

Wait, the court date was set for Jungkook, correct? He asked and you nodded slowly.

I need to be there. You repeated and Seo Yeon shook his head in anger.

They did this. He murmured and you tilted your head in confusion. Just as Seo Yeon was going to explain, the doctor came in.

Oh, you’re awake. That’s good. So you must be Seo Yeon, her brother. The doctor shook Seo Yeon’s hand, but he paused for a moment. Seo Yeon. He repeated your brother’s name and then looked at you. The doctor’s gray hair and tired eyes made you deduce that he had been working in the ER for quite some time, but he looked at the two of you with familiarity. You came in as a young man, you became paralyzed. He said and Seo Yeon chuckled.

Yes, that’s why I need the chair. He murmured back and the doctor shook his head.

I’m sorry, that must sound insensitive, but I thought I recalled your names. I was the surgeon who tried to save your ability to walk, I’ve never truly forgiven myself for not being able to. He trailed off and Seo Yeon shook his head.

It was beyond our control. He responded, try to ease the doctor’s pain and guilt. We can only move forward. Seo Yeon continued and you looked between the two, but the doctor seemed to chew his lip a little.

It doesn’t seem like the incident you dealt with those years back has moved passed your family, I’m afraid. The doctor began and you looked at the doctor with confusion.

What do you mean, sir? You asked and the doctor placed a couple photographs in front of you.

This is an x-ray of your skull, it shows the impact of the trauma on your head. You looked at the image in horror, but it was odd. There’s this symbol. He mentioned and you nodded. As if imprinted on the bone, there was a symbol, 田, you stared at it.

That’s Jungkook’s surname. You murmured. It was also widely known as the symbol of his family’s business. The doctor walked out of the room and came back a few minutes later with scans from the night of your brother’s incident.

I keep these on file, I constantly look back on it to see if there was anything I could have done differently. The doctor explained quickly, but as he opened the files, you saw the same impacted symbol, imprinted into your brother’s legs. This makes me think that it was the same group that hurt your brother, is hurting you. The doctor explained sadly. Seo Yeon exhaled heavily as he looked at the two images.

Y/N, why would Jungkook’s family be angry at you for helping his son? Seo Yeon asked and you began to recall what Jungkook had told you about his case. So you’re telling me that he was imprisoned by his own father because he had shown signs of quitting the family business? Seo Yeon asked to clarify and you nodded. We need to get you to the house. Seo Yeon murmured and you looked at him with haste.

Wait, you want to help? You asked and Seo Yeon scoffed.

These assholes hurt my baby sister. Of course I want to help! He exclaimed. It took some time, but the two of you were able to check out of the hospital and get to the house.

Jungkook sat there, pulling at his suit as he waited for you. The clock kept ticking and you had told him you were going to come a little earlier so the two of you could go over his case, but you weren’t there yet. Right as Jungkook was going to give up, the door opened.

Y/N? He asked and you walked in slowly, your head still wrapped up and you were pushing Seo Yeon as a way to stabilize yourself. OH MY GOD! He exclaimed and ran over to you, touching your elbow gingerly and looking at your bandage, you didn’t even have to explain and Jungkook already knew it was his family’s fault. This has Jeon family written all over it. He mumbled under his breath. He hated that now his family was causing you pain, but before he could beat himself up, you held up the files.

We have evidence that they are trying to silence me. I’ve spoken to the attorneys and they said this is damning enough to put your father away. You told him. Handing him the files, the attorney called for you and you left Jungkook and Seo Yeon in the room together to go speak to him. Jungkook opened the files. He saw the impact wounds and looked at your brother who sat in the chair. Although it had been almost 20 years, your brother’s face hadn’t aged, he looked just like the guy that Jungkook saw as a child. Bowing, Jungkook looked at your brother with a sincere gaze.

I am so sorry for what my father did to you. He told your brother, who looked a little shocked in response. Your brother was skeptical of Jungkook, but now hearing the genuine manner of his voice and see the pain in Jungkook’s eyes, he knew that Jungkook was truly a different person than his father. Giving Jungkook a small smile, he nodded.

I want to put that man away not because of what he did to me, but what he did to my sister. Seo Yeon responded and Jungkook nodded.

I couldn’t agree more. Jungkook replied and Seo Yeon chuckled.

I know that look and I don’t know how I feel about my baby sister being loved by the son of a mobster. Seo Yeon said, Jungkook’s eyes went wide.

I … I am not like my father! He exclaimed and Seo Yeon laughed, patting Jungkook’s arm. You walked into the room to see the two of them chuckling and you smiled, hoping that Seo Yeon was coming around to Jungkook.

Hey, Jungkook. We have to go now. You murmured and Jungkook nodded at you. You walked up to Seo Yeon and pushed him out of the office and to the car.

Let’s hope justice will be served. Seo Yeon murmured to you and you couldn’t agree more as you climbed into the car.

a list of the things i never told you:
i. when we first started talking, we were only 14, i never thought i’d fall in love with you. i just wanted to be friends but something about you gave me butterflies and made my heart skip a beat.
ii. though we are no longer together or on speaking terms, i don’t regret talking to you or being with you. i’m thankful for all the laughs and tears and fights and memories. i’m happy i got the privilege to fall in love with you.
iii. throughout the 3+ years we were in each other’s lives, i felt like a secret. i always felt like i wasn’t enough and that our relationship was a joke…that because we weren’t physically together, our relationship wasn’t real.
iv. it was so fucking real to me.
v. i told everyone about you. i told my parents, my friends, my family, my counselor. you were everything to me and you couldn’t even tell your mom about me. the only reason she knew about me was because your friend accidentally said something about me in front of her. i never told you how much that hurt.
vi. i still think about you everyday.
vii. i wish i didn’t.
viii. when we were together, for the very last time, i thought that was it, that you were the absolute one for me, i was so ready to be with you, i was so ready to fall more helplessly in love with you than i already was, i was ready to risk everything to be with you…it never felt mutual.
ix. i always wonder what it would have been like if we lived in the same state, the same city…if things would have been easier or harder.
x. i questioned if you loved me or not way too often.
xi. the whole time we were together, i only vocalized what you did wrong or what you weren’t doing, i always failed to mention everything you did right. i am so sorry for that.
xii. i got to witness you grow and change as a person and go through phases and watch you fall in love with other people and make memories but i only got to witness your life through pictures and a phone screen and it was so painful for me.
xiii. BUT through that phone screen i got to hear your voice and watch your nose crinkle when you giggled and see you cry and you were always so beautiful.
xiv. in all honesty, i still wish today that i could have met you, to physically see the person i’ve immersed myself in for so long.
xv. i’m happy without you.
xvi. i’m not happy without you.
xvii. my mom still asks about you, she seriously doesn’t hate you.
xviii. i hate us for not being strong enough to keep fighting. but i’m proud of us. i am proud we made it as far as we did. and i am proud that, separately we have the strength not to go back.
xix. i get genuinely mad seeing other couples (you know who) together because we deserved that, it should’ve been us…but it isn’t and i guess that means something.
xx. you’re the hardest fucking person to let go of, i swear to god.
xxi. i never reminded you enough of how much you meant to me and how truly amazing you were. i quite often took you for granted. i’m sorry i did that. i’m sorry for absolutely everything that i did…or didn’t do.
xxii. i wish you the best in life. i hope you pursue a career in photography or early childhood education or whatever your heart desires now. i hope you get that little farm house and fill it with cute animals and have horses. i hope you accomplish all of your dreams & genuinely live life as happy as can be. you have been through so much and you deserve to not be in hell anymore. and as much as it burns my heart, i hope you find someone that can love you so much better than i ever did.