i am full but not satisfied

The series of interviews conducted by Dr. George Henry with lesbians in the ‘30s illustrates a contentment in the lives of many of these women that would have frazzled the censors had that picture been reflected in the media. Many of his interviewees were self-actualized individuals, living to their full potential in mutually productive relationships. They say things such as:

I’m doing the work [as an editor] I always wanted to do and I’m very, very happy. I’m very much in love with the girl too. We click… She has had the most influence for good in my life.”  — 20-year old white woman

If I were born again I would like to be just as I am. I’m perfectly satisfied being a girl and being as I am. I’ve never had any regrets.”  —  26-year-old black woman

Our relationship is just as sweet now [after eleven years] as in the beginning.”  — 29-year-old white woman

Since we have been living together our lives are fuller and happier. We create things together and we are devoted to our [adopted] baby.”  —  30-year-old white woman

I have a great confidence in the future. I think I’m going to be a very well-known artist… Homosexuality hasn’t interfered with my work. It has made it what it is.”  —  30-year-old white woman

Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers: A History of Lesbian Life in Twentieth-Century America, pg. 112 by Lillian Faderman

2

- You hate me.
- I never have. Not for a second. I have always loved you.
- Prove it. There’s no way you can.
I am satisfied that I’ve thrown out the unwinnable challenge. He rolls onto his side and rests his cheek on his bicep. My heart is pounding.
[..] I start to laugh and point, but he grabs my ankles and drags me to the end of the bed. There’s a full-length mirror, and I see myself, at long last sitting on the bed in his robin’s-egg bedroom. His walls are the blue of my eyes. I’ve been a bit slow.

It doesn’t have to be long

Perhaps the biggest lie Satan tells people about prayer is that it needs to take a long time. He will make you think you have to pray for hours before you have really prayed, but I am telling you that prayer does not have to be long in order to be powerful. They don’t have to be short to be powerful, either. The length of our prayers really makes no difference to God all that matters is that we pray the way He is teaching us to pray and that our prayers are spirit led, heartfelt and accompanied by true faith. I have learned to pray until I feel full and satisfied in my spirit and that takes longer on some days than it does others. I believe we can get so tangled up in the words of our prayers that we begin to lost power of our prayers. I want to stress again that there is certainly nothing wrong with praying for an extended period of time. As previously stated. I do believe we should all set time for prolonged prayer and that our willingness or lack of willingness to spend time with God determines our level of intimacy with Him. But I do not believe we need to labour to put in a certain number of hours in prayer apart from the leading of the Holy Spirit, out of a sense of obligation or as a work of the flesh. If issues in our lives really requires us to pray at great length, than we need to do that but we do not have to pray prolonged prayers just for the sake of logging time. When God challenged me to make my requests of him in as few words as possible, he simply asked me to be concise and to the point and then to be quiet. When I did I could not believe the increased power that came to my prayer life. To this day when I pray that way I sense more of the Holy Spirit power and presence than I do if I go on and on and on and on.


- By Joyce Meyer

Mirror Mirror

They stare at me
Disappointed
I look back at them.
They are all so full of self-hate
Never satisfied with what I show them
They look,
I lie
They see another through their eyes.
Skin and bone is where they’re at,
But
Where you see thin, I showed fat
Even though they are thin their eyes deceive everything.
I am never cruel, only truthful
I never judge them by what they show me
You only see your imperfections
But every day I see your beauty
Your sad eyes meet mine
You tell me what I show you is ruining you
You shouldn’t blame me.
I wish I could show you what I see
But I am merely a piece of glass
That adores your reflection
You just crave some affection
Stop worrying about your complexion
Because to me you’re perfection
By Joy Hussein (15)

anonymous asked:

I have the weird habit to always want to have a big volume of food since my ed. I always try to up the volume with food that isn't calorie dense so I can eat more. For example I love chickpea stir fries with a lot of veggies. The calories are normal but the volume is big. Also I always need so much for a night snack. I would eat two pieces of fruit and chocolate or anything big in volume instead of eating just a bit chocolate. Often I feel very full but I kinda 'need' it. Am I weird?:/

To be honest.. I am very much like you. I don’t know if it has something to do with my past of an ED but I eat big volumes of food, too, and I can not stop eating when I’m satisfied but I always eat until I’m completely stuffed. Because I ‘need’ to feel that way, too. I would rather eat a big apple and some chocolate for dessert/night snack than Idk, some ice cream, simply because I’d have to eat so much ice cream to get to the same level of fullness.
I don’t feel like it’s normal.. Like that’s not eating intuitively.. And it honestly really bothers ME because it often makes me feel uncomfortable. So I have been trying to eat more 'normally’ as in smaller portions but like using more oil instead, and stopping eating when I feel satisfied. And it feels much better not being completely after every meal.
Idk, I wouldn’t say it’s awful or that it’s something that you should try to get away from asap, but I do think it’s better to eat more intuitively and not always eat until you’re stuffed.

110) I’m sick of starving. Sick of binging. Sick of purging. I dont remember what a healthy portion of food looks like. I dont remember how to notice when I am full. I eat until I feel sick and in pain or I dont eat near enough to satisfy me because my body has no way of telling me its full until I need to vomit. My family know about it and bought me kitchen scales a day later. My friends know and dont check in. Non of them think i am sick enough to be taken seriously. Im sick of breaking down from restricting and stuffing my face. Im sick of counting calories and counting down to allowed meal times. Im sick of binge eating while looking at thinspo and crying. Im sick of still being chubby. Im sick of not looking as sick and fragile as I feel. Im sick of nobody worrying about me while I am falling more and more everyday. Im so messed up I wish I would hurry up and get sicker quicker. Idk if this is even about being thin anymore or if its about finally being sick enough to get help. I have nobody to speak to who will take me seriously. I have a psychiatrists assesment soon and I dont wanna say anything about my ED because im not thin enough to be taken seriously. Everybody is so uneducated and I am so alone. You dont have to post this or you can pick certain elemants to post as seperate confessions but I needed to get this off my chest. Im just sick.

My new most beloved breakfast… hands down. ✨🙏🏼✨ ::: Base ~ Oats & pure water & raw cacao powder & himalayan salt & cinnamon powder & coconut sugar. +++ Topped with ~ raisins & chia seeds & sunflower seeds & walnuts & almonds & pomegranate ruby pods! ~ Blessed with love always & the sunshine & selenite, amethyst and rose quartz energies. ✨🌈✨ I am feeling so full & nourished & satisfied. I so recommend this yummy blessings to begin the day, after drinking a cup of water as you rise to hydrate your organism… & perhaps some oil pulling & yoga hehe. Feeling so endlessly blessed, it’s ineffable. Giving thanks for all the portals opening in my path, may we all keep on rising & loving our hearts into full bloom. I love you all so, so much… Love knows no boundaries or conditions, we are all connected to our very roots. May we keep on recognising ourselves & our own light in the others. May we let go of judgement & all that no longer serves us… May we love unconditionally all beings on earth. A most blessed morning to all of you, shiny souls ~ ✨💓✨ In joy!

Eat Up.

Look at you, huffing and puffing wanting that next bite of food.

Is that a burger? Oh the buttery bun kind? Hm I see you have three more to go. Don’t tell me you’re getting full,baby…I was just getting started.

I finally made my best batch of macaroni and cheese, and I really, really want you to try it.

More so eat it.
All.

Am I hungry? Yeah but I’m only eating very, very little of what you’ll eat.

Oh you like my lingerie? I know, I thought red lace satisfy my thick thighs and curves.
I know, I know I have a belly, stop trying to touch it! Touch your food, eat it up.

I didn’t really know what to make for you for dessert. Mm, I love those moans you do and your big chubby cheeks match the overstuffed expression you have on your face. You want me to rub your belly? Well, I mean it’s not even tight.. You have a lot of more room, piggy.

Now be a good fatty and finish up dinner… Dessert is warming up …and getting wet.

10

My entry for the Kingdom Hearts Art Book Project II. I wanted to illustrate the bond between Roxas, Xion, and Axel as well as create subtle references to the relationships between the other Organization members: the members from Castle Oblivion are placed opposite one another while Xemnas’ inner court stands around the throne.

Taking into account the time-crunch near the end, I’m very satisfied with how this came out. There are lots of mistakes especially when it comes to color cohesiveness and grouping elements together, but it was a much needed learning experience. The final printed product gives me the chance to analyze how the colors translate over and to make adjustments for the future. I can’t say it enough, but thank you @kenzichi for everything, hahaha!

I’m posting this fully for the sake of showing everyone the details. With this, I am trusting that you will not repost anywhere and you will not delete my caption. If this happens, I will have to take this image down.

Because I haven’t drawn anything worthwhile in ages, here’s a WIP of BB and Kaz from the husband and I’s Metal Gear AU;  AFTERLIFE.

I am working on a full ref for these two, including outfit, prosthetic, body-type, and (the above) facial construction refs. Mind, these are my own interpretations/headcanons and whatever, but I’m pretty satisfied with how they came out.

If the title for the AU doesn’t give anything away, the story takes place after John’s death, in 2014. Kaz has some seriously luxurious locks in the story, which I absolutely dig. And if you’re wondering why BB’s still missing the eye even though he’s dead… well, let’s just say there’s a very plot-centric reason he’s missing the right eye, again.

4

For the second picture of March, I borrowed Cordell’s old graphic tablet, and downloaded Photoshop. I already had the picture drawn and inked on paper, but I cleaned the lineart digitally and colored it more precisely than I did with a mouse in previous pictures.

I can’t say I took full advantage of what Photoshop had to offer, and even though this took me many, many hours, I’m not entirely satisfied with the result, which looks more like pixel art than a drawing - not too surprising since except for the little glowing effect on the arrow, I only used a hard brush, so the shading technique ended up being pretty much the same as when doing pixel art.

I am looking forward to trying more things in the future, however, as well as trying different methods of drawing (maybe sketching on paper and then inking digitally, or doing everything digitally from scratch to finish).

I liked the cleaned-up lineart in this one, because it reminded me of 90s coloring books. I also used an actual photo as a reference for the body, which helped with the perspective (it still looks like it’s not quite right, but it is much better than it could have been without it).

I was of course inspired by the new Zelda, which I won’t be able to play until August unfortunately (my WiiU is at my parents’, and i don’t want to buy a Switch just for this), but seeing screenshots and videos has made me really excited.

okay i just finished a four day run of my play as well as three dress rehearsals so basically i just did seven days of full performances and i am exHAUSTED and FULFILLED af right now. my family came to see me today and they loved the play and cried a lot which was satisfying as an actor. and the show has gone so well so far which makes me feel so happy and relieved omg.

anyway i’m just feeling very sleepy and ready for three days off (even though i’m actually working on all three days but its short shifts so i can still relax) and then we only have 8 shows to go before it’s all over wooop i don’t know what i’m going to do with my life once this is all over and there are no more rehearsals or performances taking up my entire life…

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

And now my full body portrait of Lupin III manga style in color ! Again, I chose the yellow jacket color scheme from the original manga. I don’t know if I will remake the other versions as well, I am satisfied for now.

art by me, Shin Red Dear

Lupin III is property of Monkey Punch & TMS

Puppy Love || JASPER x READER

Anonymous said: Hey :) Could you do a Jasper Jordan one? I think that once he and the reader had their first time together he is just super horny and wants to go at it all the time. Whenever they have the Chance they sneek away to have sex.  I love your writing :*“

Again, I’m not exactly satisfied with the result, but I never am, so I might as well post it…

Words: 1,160 -> I know, kinda… yeah.
Warnings: mentions of sex, around T rated

Enjoy, ask away, message me, reblog, like, whatever, I’m happy :D


Jasper was like a puppy.

Not even a puppy, but that dog that has left puppy-age behind but still isn’t a full-grown dog… What is that phase called? Teenage-dog?

Well, Jasper was that, a teenage-dog. It wasn’t only his shaggy brown hair which curled wildly on the top of his head, or his deep brown eyes which were gleaming with joy whenever he was happy, and he was always happy. It wasn’t even how he moved around awkwardly like a lanky puppy which has grown fast and still hasn’t got used to how long his limbs are.

No, it was that inexhaustible amount of energy he posed, that unreasonable happiness he seemed to express toward things he loved, and that worshipful obsession he had… for me, for sex.

It seemed like he couldn’t get enough.

Whenever he had a break or we somehow managed to be alone somewhere, he’d cling onto me and do everything it took to have me have sex with him – literally everything. He’d try to seduce me first, and if that didn’t work, he’d go all huffy-child on me. Whining, groaning, begging, almost crying… Sometimes I expected him to throw himself to the floor and cry. I really didn’t get why he was being so needy. We lost our virginity to each other a couple of weeks ago, and since then, he searched for every little opportunity to do it again and again.

Sometimes I had to peal him off of me after the umpteen round in the night.
I enjoyed his attention and our love-making sections as well; Jasper was a passionate and grateful lover, always making sure I enjoyed our time together just as much as he did. But I didn’t seem to share his unfailing capacity. Mother of God, I was plain sore all over! And not only because of the hard labor I did during the day, and I did that a lot…

I was carrying boxes around in one of the tents, helping Bellamy sort through stuff along with Jasper. My boyfriend kept looking and smiling at me, sticking out his tongue when I shook my head and mouthed him ‘stop it’.

“Alright, love-birds,” Bellamy clapped together his hands, dusting his palms off, “I’ve got to go meet Kane, I’ll be back in an hour. Will you manage?”

“Sure thing,” I smiled at him, unconscious of the longing look Jasper sent me. I had to suffer the consequences, since as soon as Bellamy left the tent, suddenly a pair of arms sneaked around my waist and a nose poked my neck. I jumped on instinct and tensed under the touch.

As he pressed his crotch to my butt, I felt him, hard in his pants.

“Jasper!” I gasped, grabbing his arms tightly. He purred into my ear and held me closer.

“I can’t help it, Y/N,” he whined, his voice full of need and frustration. His fingertips tapped on the skin of my tummy like tiny little feet, leaving burning skin behind. “You’re so beautiful and I love you so much, I just can’t help but want you…”

“We really shouldn’t, Jasp,” I insisted. He, ignoring my words, swept away my hair and started planting little kisses over my neck, making me shudder.

“Love you… you’re so… beautiful… sweet… hot… soft… tight…” he mumbled between kisses. I bit in my lip as my toes curled, memories of our last lovemaking protruded from my mind, clear and unchaste.

“F-flattery won’t get you anywhere, sir,” I panted, my breathing hardening on instinct. I fought the urge to reach up and bury my hands in his fluffy brown curls.

Jasper smiled devilishly; I didn’t see him but felt it in his voice. “It got me this far with you.”

Smooth rascal.

“Alright, let’s do it,” I said, looking to all directions, trying to find a good place. “But we’ll have to make it quick. Five minutes. We still have to work some.”

“Really?” Jasper beamed, turning me toward him haphazardly, his eyes flickering over my lips. “Can I kiss you?”

It’s been months since we started dating and he sometimes still asked for permission – he acted really openly around others, never missing an opportunity to wrap his arms around me or place a kiss on the top of my head. But when it came to kissing my mouth? He always asked if he can. It felt like… a sacred thing.

A nod was all he needed before he pulled me close as he could, cupping my face in his large, warm hands. His thumb brushed against my cheek, and his lips melted with mine. Despite how needy he was bare moments ago, he didn’t rush his movements, taking his sweet time.

After a few moments of slowly kissing, Jasper pulled away so slightly, pressing our foreheads together.

“Y’know,” he whispered in a low, husky tone which drove me crazy,” I always knew it’d be ecstatic to kiss you. From the first moment I saw you? I’ve loved you.”

I closed my eyes and sighed. When I opened them, my gaze was piercing and fiery, almost accusing. “You just had to do it, didn’t you?”

“Do what?” Jasper asked innocently.

Fine,” I groaned, ignoring his question. I peeled his arms off of me, and with a prompt, confident move, the sweaty and dirty shirt I was wearing was tossed away, and I stood in a bra. “You have half an hour.”


The meeting with Kane probably went stressful, as always, since that everlasting frown was sitting on Bellamy’s face when he entered a tent – only to be replaced by mild surprise, first, and then irritation.

“What the hell, guys?” he exclaimed. Jasper was sitting on the ground with me in his lap facing him, the both of us naked as newborns and sex hung in the air heavily. We’ve just finished, as if we knew Bellamy was coming – we clearly didn’t, though. Our mouths were pressed together in a sloppy kiss, but as soon as we heard his voice, we parted. I wasn’t a very shy one, proud of my body, and anyway, my mind was too foggy to think, but Bellamy took it on himself to cover his eyes.

“I said an hour! I’ll be back in an hour!”

“It’s earlier than that,” I argued.

“It’s been one and a half! And you didn’t even finish work! You can’t possibly tell me you’ve been having sex for almost two hours!”

I almost felt Bellamy rolling his eyes, murmuring something about teenagers and their hormones and how he needed this stuff done so we should get up and do it.

I didn’t wanted any of that, though; I only cared about Jasper’s slim but warm body embracing mine, his breath tickling the tiny hair on my neck as he laid his head to my shoulder, sleepily sighing.

Maybe Jasper was like a Puppy. But hell, he knew what to do to get his way!

Just wanted to make a life update post since I haven’t been on in forever and I used to be on every day. I’ve been on/off T for over 3 years, the off part mainly because I’m sometimes just too lazy to do my shot and a month passes or whatever. Overall tho I’m pretty satisfied with how things are going transition wise, I pass 100% of the time, have a full beard and lots of body hair lol. Still am not out to my parents and they don’t want to talk about LGBT stuff so it’s whatever, my SO’s family is supportive so it’s all good. Life has been pretty chill, I got accepted into my degree program for university and I’ll be able to start saving money for top surgery finally. I have a referral for a hysto that I never called back on and then forgot about it, should probably call about it since I can get it covered with my insurance. I’ve gained a bit of weight after being unable to work or move much due to a work injury (I’m all good now) so I’m sad with what has become of my body. Looking forward to getting back to the gym! I still live fully stealth and have no plans to ever reveal my trans status.

Feel free to ask me anything and everything.

Cheers,

Seth

superhappybubbleslove  asked:

8, 11, & 25

8: Favorite quotes?

I have so many, but I’m gonna share some from The Lie Tree, because honestly this book got me down to the ground, and I gotta get some of you all to read it because lemme tell you, I was shook:

“There was a hunger in her, and girls were not supposed to be hungry. They were supposed to nibble sparingly when at table, and their minds were supposed to be satisfied with a slim diet too.”  

“I am not good. Something in Faith’s head broke free, beating black wings into the sky. Nobody good could feel what I feel. I am wicked and deceitful and full of rage. I cannot be saved. She did not feel hot or helpless any more. She felt the way snakes looked when they moved.”

“She felt utterly crushed and betrayed. Science had betrayed her. She had always believed deep down that science would not judge her, even if people did. Her father’s books had opened to her touch easily enough. His journals had not flinched from her all too female gaze. But it seemed that science had weighed her, labelled her and found her wanting. Science had decreed that she could not be clever… and that if by some miracle she was clever, it meant that there was something terribly wrong with her.”  

“Her self-respect had suffered a head-on collision with love, a clash that generally only ends one way. Love does not fight fair. In that moment her pride, the gut knowledge that she was right, even her sense of who she was, meant nothing, faced as she was with the prospect of being unloved.”   

11: What’s your (least) favorite overused trope?

UGH. My least favorite trope is the ex-lovers trope. ALL THE TENSION IS GONE NOW. I WANNA SEE YOU FALL IN LOVE, NOT DITHER FOR 400 PAGES ABOUT WHETHER YOU LOVE EACH OTHER OR NOT.

25: fake dating AU or inpromptu babysitting AU?

Bitch please. FAKE DATING

I made it through a full work week. Well sort of. I left early today for an appointment. I love it, no.. I adore it.

I’ll delve further when I have more time.
I found my heart in my work, and I am just so eager and satisfied to give it to my patients. And let me just say, the provider I work for (the only male) uses an essential oil diffuser in his office, has a light box, and listens to light music. I will be just fine.

And for now, I just de-corked a bottle of red, am about to binge on disgusting news in a sort of sadistic way because who the fuck really enjoys this stuff. And maybe I’ll get sufficient sleep tonight.