You know things are bad when the most surprising moment on The Late Show is a (female) guest wearing a skirt and pulling something out of her pocket???!? I legit sat up and rubbed my eyes and marveled at this unprecedentedly daring feat of the fashion industry.
(I mean, what’s next? Jeans that fit you both around your legs and at the waist? Preposterous.)
Do you like zombies? Gods? Zombie gods? Do you like champions of righteousness who fell so far from grace they ascended to a throne of pure evil? If so, then look no further than Arthas Menethil, Lich King of the Undead Scourge and Lord of Total Dickery. Like or reblog if you want this frozen asshole to show up at inopportune times and judge you for having morals and/or a heartbeat.
Phil teaches Clint to make a perfect tie. (Plus points if this is pre-relationship with plenty of UST)
–Tried for some UST but I can never keep these two apart for long–
Phil looked up from where he was going over the last-minute details of the op and found Clint standing in front of a mirror, looking helplessly at the tie around his neck. Phil swallowed hard as he looked over Barton. It was bad enough that he had a crush on his asset, but now Clint was in the dark blue suit Phil had picked out and he looked incredible.
The cut emphasized the breadth of Clint’s shoulders and the saturated shade of blue made his hair look a little more golden and Phil knew it would make his eyes stand out as well. “Still haven’t gotten the hang of the tie?”
Clint frowned at Phil in the mirror. “Did it perfectly fine yesterday.”
Phil chuckled and made his way over to Clint. “It was okay, yesterday. Not great, but serviceable.”
The furrow in Clint’s brow deepened. “Well then come over here and help me, then. You know Nat is going to look drop dead gorgeous and I’d prefer not to look like an idiot.”
Resisting the urge to rub Clint’s back to calm him down, Phil stood behind him and caught his eye in the mirror. “You won’t look like an idiot. I know you’re not used to being on the spot like this, but the buyers are expecting a couple.”
“But why couldn’t you do-”
“Because our intel said the couple was young.”
Clint frowned again and stared at Phil. “You’re not old, boss.”
Phil chuckled again. “I’m still older than the intel suggests the man is, but thank you for that, Barton. Now stand still so I can show you how to do this right.”
Clint stopped fidgeting so Phil could reach around him. The moment Phil’s arms went around Clint, he felt the other man stiffen slightly and he was sure he’d heard his breath catch. Phil tried to focus on the strip of sky blue silk in his hands and not on the way Clint’s cheeks were turning pink or the way he was staring at Phil’s hands.
“Sir? You gonna do something with that tie? Or have you become attached? Maybe I could go without?”
“Tie stays, Barton. I was just thinking of the best way to do this. I’m used to doing this for myself.”
“You mean the Coulson suit magic might not be transferrable?”
Phil couldn’t help but laugh and as his fingers fumbled with the tie again, he let go and took a step back. “Apparently not. Turn around.”
Clint did and Phil slid the tie through his collar and draped it over his own neck. He got Clint’s attention and held out the length of silk. “I’m going to tie this and then I’ll loosen it so you can put it on.” Phil started to adjust the tie and he could feel Clint’s eyes on him.
Letting years of tying his own tie take over, Phil quickly a perfect Windsor knot and started to loosen the tie. Before he could get it over his head, he felt Clint’s hand on his arm. “How did you do that?”
Phil grinned at Clint, feeling a little proud that he’d impressed Clint with the simple act of tying a tie. “Practice, Barton. Now come here so we can get this on you. Romanoff should be here soon.”
Clint moved closer and bowed his head, and Phil slipped the fabric over his head, trying not to let his touch linger too long. When Clint looked back up, Phil folded the collar over the tie and started straightening the knot. “Thanks, sir.”
“It wasn’t a problem. You should turn around and see how it looks.”
The corners of Clint’s mouth turned up in a sly smile. “You gotta let go of the tie first, boss.”
Phil felt the heat flood his cheeks. He swiped his thumb one last time over the tie and started to let go but was stopped by Clint’s hand over his. “Sir, Coulson, boss, um after this…”
“Everything okay, Barton?”
“Yes, maybe, kind of? I was wondering if after this mission if you wanted to-” Clint was cut off by Natasha coming in and looking them over. “Dammit.”
“Are you ready yet, Clint? Party started ten minutes ago.”
Clint rolled his eyes. “So we’ll be fashionably late. What do you think, sir? Am I ready?”
Phil swallowed and let go of Clint. “Put your comm in and you’re good to go.”
“I’ll meet you at the elevators, Nat.” Natasha turned to leave and Clint fetched the small earpiece from the desk. As he positioned it in his ear, he looked over Phil’s shoulder and smirked. “Alright, bought myself a minute. Coulson after this mission, go to dinner with me?”
Phil was confused. “Barton, we do that after every mission.”
Clint rolled his eyes. “Okay, yeah we do, but this time, can it just be me and you?”
“You mean…like a date?”
Clint laughed and leaned forward to press his lips to Phil’s cheek. “Yes. Exactly like a date.” Before Phil could answer, Clint winced. “Shit, Nat’s getting pissed. Please, Phil? Say yes?”
Shaking himself, Phil smiled and captured Clint’s lips in a chaste kiss. “Yes.” Clint started to lean forward for another kiss, but Phil stopped him. “Go. I’d rather you made it to the party and not be killed by Natasha. And you are not wrinkling that suit.”
Clint winked. “It’d be worth it.”
Phl laughed. “Go, Barton. Now.”
Clint skipped out of the room with a wave, and once the door closed, he put in his own comm ready to get the mission over with.