i am far too nervous about posting this than i should be

Do you know what pisses me off the most about the dreaded “Autism Moms”?

Let me tell you, as an autistic adult who also was a main caregiver for an autistic boy (my brother). 

For the record:  I swear that if you use this post to say autism makes people violent and abusive, I will send 12,000 angry geese to flock in your bedroom and destroy every item that you treasure the most. AND I will eat the leftovers you had planned on eating for lunch tomorrow. Don’t you fuckin dare miss the point of this post. 


Listen up. I got a story for you.


Bit of background first.


My boy, my little hobbit, was born when I was ten years old. My mother left him alone with my grandparents and me. She legit abandoned him. 

My grandparents weren’t sure they could take him in. 
I begged. I pleaded. I asked as hard as I could to let us keep him and not give him back to my mother. 

Of course, they said yes. 

I dutifully became the protective older sister.


I would bathe him up until the week I left for college. I measured his medications and crushed them into his favorite yogurt. Blue, if you were curious.I made sure his food was perfect - french fries made just like he wanted, a chicken fry sandwich complete with his favorite McDonald’s sauce we bought in bulk.  
I went to his speech and occupational therapies several times a week, and practiced the things he learned. I went with him to his first day of school.

I even did a middle school project all about autism (which I am slightly embarrassed about, as I mentioned A$ in it ugh). I read all the autism books a 12 year old could find, and immersed myself in the Vanderbilt paperwork. I delved into the world of IEPs, visual schedules, and basic sign language.

And now, I’m still sending them resources and information on medications, papers for teachers, and going over doctor notes for him - despite being six hours away. 

(Of course, I was an undiagnosed autistic girl who also needed quiet. When I wasn’t needed to do these things, I was often in my room away from the loud television and people. I wasn’t a perfect caregiver, but I did do a lot.)

All of that to say: yeah, it wasn’t easy. But since when is raising a kid ever easy? I started looking after this boy when I was ten years old.

But here’s what infuriates me.

I read all the time about these autism moms who complain about how terrible their lives are. They say they’re afraid of being hurt and their lives are destroyed. Some even talk about killing their kids.


You know what?

Yeah, I got hurt by him or when helping him. I got bit, scratched, hit, and everything else. Usually it was just him being frustrated over lack of communicating his needs, so I was rarely angry. 
I ran after him when he went out the door straight for a lawnmower and I fell to the concrete. I grabbed him right before he ran into a street and ended up with my arm covered in blood.

I was kicked in the head and given a traumatic brain injury that requires me to now use a cane, and has caused a ton of nervous system issues. I even use a wheelchair part-time due to another condition that occurred afterwards. I’m only 20, and my health is pretty comparable to someone with congestive heart failure.

And you know what? 

I never in a million years thought about hurting my little brother.


I still don’t blame him. He was often overwhelmed, and had meltdowns. As an autistic person myself, I understood it - even if I didn’t know I was autistic at the time. (I suspected, but was too focused on other things.) 
I don’t know if I’ll ever get better health-wise, and that’s okay. I don’t know if I’ll get to run and dance again, or if there’s worse effects to come. It’s just what it is, and I’ve accepted that. 

He’s a child. It’s not his fault. He once asked me if it was, and I hugged him tight and said absolutely not. 

I say all this not to demonstrate how violent autistic people can be, but to demonstrate that I get where these autism moms are coming from.

  Again, for the record, autistic people are far more likely to be abused and assaulted. 

Remember how I said  I get where they’re coming from?

Yeah, that’s still not an excuse to be harmful toward your child. Ever.


You don’t give your babies bleach, shock them, or starve them. You don’t talk about them as if they’re literally a death sentence for you. And you sure as hell don’t want to murder your little ones. 

And if you literally want to kill your kid, if you would rather have a dead child than an autistic one, I have news for you.

You don’t deserve that child, and you better back up and understand this.


You autism moms need to stop. You need to listen. 


Your kids are going through a world that wants to “cure” them, force them into suffering so they can look “normal.” Your kids are going to spend their entire lives dealing with a world that is hostile to them. People try to assimilate us to save their own pride, at the expense of our own comfort and stability. 
Your kid is going to go through life being told that they should be literally “treated” with electroshock therapy because of their neurology. They’re going to be told that they shouldn’t reproduce. They’re going to be told that they’re not worth having space in this world. Your kid is going to grow up one day, and they’re going to hear this and internalize it. 

I know that, because that’s what I hear every day. 

You say it’s so hard to have an autistic kid?

Well, of course it is. But you know what?

Kids are hard.
They’re going to kick, hit, pinch, and everything else. Even neurotypical kids do that. I don’t know a single kid who hasn’t bit their caregiver or thrown something when grumpy. 
(I’ll say it again for those in the back: autistic kids are way way way more likely to be abused and hurt.)

When you have a kid, you sign up for this. You love that little one unconditionally, you protect them with all your heart. You give them support. You love that child even if they have a disability, especially when they have a disability.

You teach them that they are allowed to exist, that they are just as valuable and needed in this world like anyone else. We need all the neurodiversity in this world we can get. 

You teach your child that they’re not a burden. You teach them how to say no and that autonomy is often more important than compliance. You teach them that you love them, and that they will always have someone in their corner to back them up when times are tough.


I don’t care how hard you think it is raise an autistic child.

Trust me, I know full well it’s hard. Parenting is hard. It’s not easy, and it’s not always roses and fluffy kittens. That has nothing to do with having an autistic kid; that’s just a fact of life. 

The fear of getting hurt is valid. I can attest to that, and I don’t think I can downplay that. But that behavior is communication, and you have to learn how to read it. I did. You have to fight for better supports, for ways to make it easier on your kid - and by doing this, easier for you too. 


Sure, it’s hard.

But you know what? Your kid’s going to have it much harder. 

The Mean Marquis

Lafayette x Reader

Note: So @a-schuylerr made a post about different Lafayette fic scenarios they would like to see and I got inspired. Thank you to @thatoneimaginesblog for being my proofreader and for putting up with me spamming you with my process on this fic. This is my longest fic and I am really excited for you to read it!

Warning: smut and that’s basically it

Word Count: 7,204 ( I expected it to be long just not this long)

Tagged: @hamiltonsquills @mehrmonga @iamgrayfox @rottwat @beckett-faye @justanotherone2u @aph-bermuda @haletotheking24


1772

When your father first announced that you were to marry a French nobleman in just over a month, you felt as if your throat had fallen into your stomach. You were angry and shocked, so angry that you could hardly form a sentence before you stormed off.

That was three days ago, your anger had subsided and left you feeling worried. Worried about the man you were going to be married to. He wasn’t just any old French nobleman he was the Marquis de Lafayette, more affectionately known as the “Mean Marquis”. You’d heard stories about him about his ruthless and cold nature when it came to business. You had also heard about how popular he was with women, and that he was always surrounded by them.

“It’s just not fair!” you yell. You’d walked far enough away from you family’s home that you know you can speak without being heard. “I don’t even know him why should I marry him?” you groan as you sink to your knees.

You take a deep breath as you feel yourself start to panic. How on earth is he going to treat me? You wonder. After everything you’ve heard about him, the best you can hope for is that he will ignore you. He will probably give you a child or two but for the most part, just forget you even exist.

Keep reading

A rare snake-related post by me-

I have had Vision, a dwarf BCI and my youngest snake, for roughly 9 months now. He will be a year old in July, so by snake standards he is still very much a baby. In the past 9 months, he’s gone from, for lack of better words, a bitey defensive asshole to a relatively passive and trusting creature who simply has Rules ™ on how, where, and when he can be touched. I used the same method to produce these results as I do with all of my reptiles, including my young snake of a notoriously aggressive and defensive species (Amazon Tree Boas) and have frequently been asked how I manage to get these animals that instinctively bite first and ask questions never to allow handling and pictures without drawing blood.

On my dog blog I’ve mentioned the concept of body autonomy a few times in relation to training dogs, and how it crosses over into husbandry in other species. In these posts I’ve detailed how I tame the larger birds at my job, how I teach my snakes not to bite me when I take them out, how I can successfully convince a thrashing dog to accept grooming without a fuss, how I teach cats to not turn into screaming demons for nail trims, and more. I also cover this in many of my dog training lectures at work as my students teach their dogs to allow grooming, nail trims, and medically related handling to prevent injuries and incidents when interacting with these animals. All of this relates back to body autonomy, and how we as humans have consistently ignored other species’ instinctive need to be autonomous.

I am no master animal trainer and do not play one on TV. I train pet dogs and service dogs and have begun to venture into competition, at one point I specialized in rehabbing aggressive and reactive dogs. I have trained various common pet animals in occasionally unconventional ways to do things that make life easier for the both of us, but I don’t claim to be anything special, because what I’m doing is not all that special. It is, however, uncommon for people to make these considerations with their pets and then they call in someone like me to fix a problem that didn’t need to start in the first place.

An example being: frequently on this website and others, the solution for convincing a biting snake not to bite you is to hold it still until it stops biting you. The snake will learn that biting you does not produce the desired result (you letting the snake go or putting it back in its cage) and thus will eventually stop biting you when you pick it up.

In the dog training world, we call this flooding and learned helplessness. It “works” because it produces what we wanted it to. The snake no longer bites when you pick it up. But it failed to address the root of the problem, and frequently if regular handling is not maintained the snake will return to biting you every time you touch it. The snake had learned that there was nothing it could do in order to make you stop doing what it didn’t like, and so had learned that it was helpless against the much larger human. The snake in this situation still doesn’t really want to be handled, it is merely tolerating it because it sees no other option.

While snakes have a much more primitive brain than dogs and thus a much more limited scope of emotions, aggression and violence are always expensive measures to use and thus are frequently considered last resort measures to make an unpleasant situation stop. They are costly in body resources- they take large amounts of energy, stress, and time to resolve, and wounds obtained from violence can become deadly with infection or severity. As a result, a bite should always indicate that whatever you are doing is so unpleasant to the animal you’re doing it to that they’re willing to risk their life in order to make you stop. The common pet snake knows it cannot win against an animal as large as a human. It is hoping you have not come to the same realization, and will not call its bluff.

This creates a problem. Like with dogs, backing off from a situation that is required after a bite will teach the snake that all they have to do to get you to leave them alone is to bite you. If I need to trim my dog’s nails, give him a bath, brush him, or have him examined by a vet, sure I could put him in a muzzle and force him to do it anyway, but it is counter-intuitive to teach him that all he has to do is bite me in order to get out of doing those things he may consider unpleasant. I need to be able to handle my snakes. This is not negotiable, just like the above things I do with my dogs are not negotiable. If I cannot handle them, I cannot check them for injury, disease, or distress. Backing off because my snake, or dog, has threatened to bite me is thus not a viable option. I must be able to complete the task, and the animal in question must let me.

Dogs, by comparison, are relatively easy to convince in this problem. I need to be able to do my dog’s nails. If I give him amazing treats on a good reward schedule, shower him with praise, listen to his body language to give him a chance to calm down and destress before pressing on, and remove my own negative emotions from the equation, he will learn to let me do his nails and even offer the position required for the task within a relatively short amount of time. He does not have to like having his nails done, but I can convince him to like he benefits he gets out of it. Cats and birds and small mammal pets like ferrets, rabbits, and rodents may be slower, but follow much the same way.

I can’t give a snake a treat. That’s not really how snake digestive systems work. I can’t give them a toy. I can’t give them praise. The subtleties of snake body language are much harder to read due to a lack of eyelids, ears, and limbs. Dogs, cats, birds, ferrets, all of these are social creatures that practice social bonding and feel an emotion similar to love (in the dog’s case, actually do feel love). Snakes are not social creatures and their brain is not capable of producing the chemicals involved in the emotion we call love. I cannot convince a snake to love me or to like being handled. That is not something their biology is able to do. Does that mean I have to rely on flooding and learned helplessness in order to get them to let me handle them?

I keep stressy species. While all reptiles are more than capable of stressing themselves to death, my current list of exotic pets includes a special needs ball python with a severe neurological condition, a brazilian rainbow boa specifically purchased from someone who breeds minimally stressy snakes because he got tired of the species’ reputation for being bitey assholes, and a dwarf bci locality (read: like a subspecies, but not different enough to get their own scientific name) known for being defensive bitey assholes. Previously, I had a special needs corn snake that was a defensive bitey asshole, an amazon tree boa that was remarkably handleable despite the species’ reputation for being aggressive and defensive bitey angry assholes, and a few foster ball pythons that came from neglect situations and had never been handled before leading to them being defensive bitey assholes. Stress is common in situations where aggression or violence is utilized, even if it is being utilized by the animal and not the human. If the stress from moving can kill my beloved ATB Hydra, why would I intentionally expose him to situations where he would feel required to use violence again and again until he learned that that was not a way out of the situation?

I did not flood my snakes. I hold them. They do not bite me. It has been a long time since any of them have even struck at me, and the majority of the bites and strikes I have received have been from when I was learning the snake in front of me or from me intentionally ignoring their body language and handling them a way I knew they didn’t like for whatever reason. Snakes do not bite without cause. Whether you, a human, can see that cause or not, snakes do not bite because they are vindictive or mean. As said, their brains are far too primitive to feel such complex emotions. Even wild snakes do not bite without provocation- whether you intentionally provoked them or not does not matter, simply whether they felt provoked enough to need to defend themselves possibly with their lives.

Vision came to me unsure of my intentions and of whether I could be considered safe. He certainly didn’t believe I should be picking him up. At two months old, the world is a scary place to a baby snake where nearly everything is bigger than you and nearly everything wants to kill or eat you. I do not blame him for doubting the warm giant cooing over him with grabby hands. To him, I’m sure I am some baffling mixture of hawk, bear, and wild canine. All of these things readily kill and eat snakes, all of these things may be persuaded to not kill and eat this particular snake if he bites them.

Instead of picking him up and allowing him to spend precious resources stressing himself to the point of repeatedly biting me- which hurts, by the way, so I don’t really want to be bitten any more than I need to be- I allowed him to show me things about him. I let him show me what he does when he’s nervous, when he doesn’t want to be bothered. I let him show me what he does when he’s curious and feels like investigating what’s in front of him. I let him show me how he does and does not like to be touched. Like many snakes, he seems to enjoy being scratched lightly under the chin. Like many snakes, he doesn’t seem to appreciate being tickled on the stomach. He prefers to create a “foot” about 2/3 down his body and use it as an anchored perch when exploring my hands. He does not want his tail to be touched. When he is nervous or unsure of potential danger, he will retract and coil himself into a loose ball. If pressed before he recovers, he will “expand” the “ball” quickly and vocalize. If he continues to be pressured, he will threaten to bite and will begin to try. If he is allowed to relax, he will recreate his “foot” and resume quietly investigating his surroundings.

Today, I took the lid off of his enclosure and lifted him out without a fuss. While this is not a first- we accomplished this task about 4 weeks in- only in the past few weeks has he not immediately retracted into his loose ball and required me to wait a few minutes for him to relax before touching him. Instead, he immediately made his “foot” and began to investigate, leaned against my finger as I scratched his chin, and maintained his confidence throughout the time I handled him. Sure, I could possibly get a similar result through the first method of flooding and teaching him that he is helpless against me, but I don’t need to. I can get a confident content snake that is not only tolerating my handling but also showing curiosity and intelligence without forcing him to accept my hands as things he has to deal with in his life.

The people espousing these methods always ask me how I managed to take such nice, interesting pictures of Hydra without bleeding- or joke about how much blood they think I lost inbetween shots- and are always surprised when I tell them that I don’t get bit because I understand a snake’s need for autonomy and allow the snake to tell me their “rules” for being touched and then follow those rules or understand if I break them I will get bit. As a result, I don’t break their rules unless I have to, and thus I don’t get bit unless I have to. This allows me to handle and investigate my snakes, look in their mouths, check their vents and between their scales, touch their heads, and rescue them from fluke accidents such as Quetzal’s injury with his decor without the snake taking their frustrations out on me. It also allows me to take some pretty pictures of them outside or on props without worrying how I will retrieve them without being bitten when I’m done. 

Imagine being nervous to find out you have a bed scene with your best friend, and crush, Tom in your new movie because you know he can make it all very realistic.

“Don’t worry, love.” his smooth voice almost made your heart calm down – almost though “I am not going to do anything you don’t want me to.” he said with a slightly mischievous grin and you bit your lower lip.

Pull away too soon” you thought to yourself but in the end shook the thought off.

“I would never doubt it, Thomas.” you giggled as you leaned back in your chair, playing with a page from the script “You are ever the gentleman, all of the years I’ve known you.” you smiled at your best friend and he gave you back an adorable one as well.

“A gentleman at times and a really bad boy when needed.” he winked at you and you giggled, hitting his shoulder “Don’t worry, (Y/n), really I promise I won’t take it too far. Or at least I will try to.” he added the last part with a shrug and you rolled your eyes.

Please just take it as far as you can” you let your thoughts run wild so much you had to take a large sip of your coffee to fight the bllush away.

“Tom” you glared at him though you couldn’t never really be angry at something like this. Being in love with your best friend had a lot more disadvantages than you actually thought at first, and you had began to discover all of them during all these years of knowing Tom. And now you were going to work with him, you knew the boundaries of this friendship were really going to get blurry.

You shook your head “You better, bad boy. Because I will prove to you how little you know your best friend.” you said looking at him from the corner of your eyes.

“Is that so?” his eyebrows shot up as his interest peaked “Perhaps, we should really practice first then.”

“Oh you wish, William.” you smirked at him “It’s not like we need to anyway… right?”

“Why- why are you asking, (Y/n)?” he frowned, finally getting a little serious until realization downed and his eyebrows shot up “Wait you- you have done a bed scene before, right?”

“Well, excuse me Mr Hiddleston if I’ve put my singing career first all this time and finally managed to catch up with acting too! It’s not like a crime or anything.” you huffed, shaking your head although truth was you couldn’t help but feel even more nervous at the prospect of that scene alone. Not to mention it being with the man you had feelings for but didn’t want to reveal a thing.

“No, of course not darling. You know I was the one that supported you on that.” he said, placing a hand on top of yours and despite everything you caught yourself relaxing.

“Just wait till the fans hear this.” you breathed out with a chuckle “They’ve been shipping us for so long, even if they knew we are only friends. It seems like every time we mentioned it, it just made them want to see us together even more. They didn’t care, we are just OTP to them.”

“Yeah, yeah they actually have.” you glanced at him when you heard the tone in his voice. It sounded almost longing, nostalgic and you knew there was something more there but you didn’t have time to try to decipher it because he cleared his throat and put on back a smile that could be convincing to others but not you. He was an amazing actor, yes, but he could never fool you.

“And now not only are we going to be in the same movie but you are practically going to take my v-card on camera? Wow I am sure it will break the internet!” you laughed, taking another small sip of your coffee.

“I’m- what?” his eyebrows shot up as he stared at you in disbelief and you frowned at him until it downed on you.

“No- Tom, no!” you all-but-shrieked “For the love of, Hiddleston! I’m really starting to think I don’t know you here. I didn’t mean literally!” you shook your head, huffing.

He just mumbled an “Oh” and laughed nervously, taking a sip of his own drink and placed it back next to his own script.

“But-” the smile returned on his lips “Now that you mention it, can you imagine the posts?” he asked and a giggle left your lips.

“The fans’ or yours?” you raised an eyebrow at your friend and he erupted in laughter.

“Why are you saying that? I haven’t started teasing them that much… yet.” he shrugged “But now that we got the script… a little sneak peek wouldn’t be bad, right?”

“You little-” you stopped yourself, laughing “You know, now I really understand why the picked you for Loki.”

“Oh come on! Hey do you have your phone?” he asked and you nodded your head “Remember that photo you had accidentally sent me of you in your bed?” and oh boy how could you ever forget that “How about you post it with something about practicing huh?” he smirked as he already leaned over your seat to try and take hold of your bag that had your phone.

“What?!” your eyes widened “Tom, no! I may be decent enough in it but it certainly not meant for the internet with the caption you have in mind! Tom!” you screamed, a giggle leaving as he tried to get it from your bag. You grabbed it and held it to yourself but he man was not having any of it.

“Come on, love. They’re going to love it, especially my comments on it.” he grinned the smile that made you weak on the knees.

“Tom, I said no! Nothing will make me give you that photo.” you shook your head furiously.

“Nothing?” he breathed out, getting more serious and only then did you realize his face was inches away rom yours “Are you sure about that love?” he whispered and you really caught yourself wondering about the answer you were going to give him. Could you say it? And even more: What was he really going to do about it?

“A kiss probably?”

Get Some Rest

A/N: Fluffy!Shawn below hehehe. This is my first time to ever post any writing to Tumblr, so I am EXTREMELY nervous. I apologize for the name (I suck at those). Thank you to everyone who has helped me edit and reedit this imagine 20 times. You are all so appreciated. I hope you like it. Feedback is appreciated.


 I stretch my arms out and turn over.

Empty?

I lay in the bed, and I could see the light was still on in the office down the hall.

How long had I been asleep?

I look at the clock. 3 a.m.

Shawn had been working since about midnight on a melody he discovered earlier that day while playing around on his guitar. He wants the song to be perfect and that’s understandable, but this late?? I slide out of the bed and let out a troubled breath as my feet hit the cold floor. Walking down the hall quietly, there sits Shawn with his back turned to me. He’s still hard at work, strumming chords and scribbling incoherent thoughts on paper like he’s been doing for the past 2-3 hours. Standing behind him, I wrap my arms around his neck, kiss the top of his head before resting my chin on it. He places his warm hand on my arm and lowers his head to kiss my skin.

“Hello darling, what are you doing awake so late?”

He is concerned about my sleep which is sweet, but the boy has to get some rest of his own. He has spent many long nights in this office for the past week, and I was beginning to worry that he was overworking himself. He is obsessed with perfection, but he is in desperate need of a break.

“I was sleeping until a bright ass light woke me up. I wonder who’s fault that may be,” I giggle in his ear, “it’s late and you really should get some sleep”.

He laughed softly, “I’m so close though. Really babe, it’s all coming together so perfectly. Just listen”. His voice now sounding like an eager child. I comply and sink down beside him in the chair, and he smiles as he begins to play. He starts to play an euphonious tune. Of course everything he plays is beautiful but this was different. So raw and pure. I could see Shawn was proud of it because he couldn’t stop smiling as he strummed the chords slowly.

“You’re right baby, it’s incredible. But why don’t you come to bed, and you can finish the rest tomorrow?” I suggest leaving a small kiss on his check.

He actually looks at me for the first time since I had walked into the room and cracks a smile when notices I have on his big t-shirt. God, when he looks at me with that smile. That beautiful, bright smile that makes my heart flutter. That smile could break me at any moment. That smile, is mine.

“Why are you looking at me like that, Mendes?”

“Oh nothing,” he stops his gaze, “you have the most gorgeous bedhead is all. Very sexy”

Letting out an embarrassing chuckle, I hit his chest as he winks, grabbing my wrist to pull me into his lap. He looks at the shirt I’m wearing again and raises his eyebrow.

“Oh, so THAT’S where my favorite shirt went. I was beginning to think it grew legs and disappeared,” he puts his guitar down and pulls me into a tight embrace.

He puts his head on my shoulder and lets out a soft sigh. He is tired, but he is too afraid to admit it. He wants to finish this song tonight, but he needs sleep. I reach up and start to run my fingers through his hair.

“Come on love, let’s get some sleep. You can continue this in the morning”

I get up and begin to pick of his papers that contained failed attempts at lyrics he had discarded throughout the room. He looks at me and opens his mouth as if to protest, but he finally gives in and starts to help me clean up the office. He put his important papers inside his laptop and closes it. Once we picked everything up, he put his guitar on the stand and we headed for our bedroom. I got into the bed and buried myself into the covers while Shawn got ready for bed. I giggled to myself as I could hear him humming his newly discovered tune as he brushed his teeth. He is such a goober, and I adore his cute little quirks. I am pulled out of my thoughts as I hear the water shut off and the door open. He’s just in his boxers. God, does he look sexy as ever. His defined abs and toned arms. I have to control myself. NONot tonight. He needs sleep. I try and remind myself. He gets into bed and cuddles up to my side.

“Do did you really like what I have so far lyrically, darling?”

Shawn loves getting feedback. It has always been something he has craved from the people close to him. He truly values my advice and it makes my heart flutter to know that he takes it into the utmost consideration.

“Yes it was beautiful. It has a more edgy sound. Different from your other songs, but I honestly think it’s a good different. To me, it shows you’re really growing as an artist, and I am so proud of you. You work so hard, and it is really paying off for you, love. I just wish you wouldn’t work yourself so hard all of the time. It’s okay to take a rest sometimes. Some people would even consider it healthy,” I tease as I poke his nose. He scrunches his face at my touch and smirks.

“I know baby, but I just want everything to be perfect, ya know? Even when I think I’m giving my all, I feel like I could still give more. So many people are relying on me and I don’t get a break just because I’m younger than the average artist. If anything, it makes me have to prove myself more to prove that I am meant to be ranked in the same category as bigger artist. But I do understand where you’re coming from, darling. I love you so much. I promise I will try and cut myself more slack”

I smile and lean up to kiss him softly murmuring a soft “I love you” between us. I adore his ambition and passion so much. He is such a genuine person, and I am so thankful that he is mine, all mine. He wraps his arms around me and hugs me tight. Leaving a tender kiss on my forehead. He fingers then trail down my back and go underneath my shirt as he caresses the small of my back. His touch sending shivers down my spine. He was drawing shapes into my back as my eyes grew tired.

“Are you ready to go to sleep yet, love? You really need some rest,” I yawn against his chest. He giggles at my words which were barely audible, but he got the gist. He leaves a lingering kiss my forehead one last time.

“Are you positive that you’re tired though? There are so many other things we could to you know…” he says and I look up in disbelief and let out a chuckle at his words. This kid is actually suggesting this when it is almost 4 in the morning. Got to give him props for trying.

“Shawn it is late and YOU should be asleep anyways. The whole reason I brought you to bed was for you to rest. Not for you to score. Not tonight, no sir. Ask me again in the morning and maybe you’ll get lucky,” I say as he lets out a soft laugh.

“Alright alright, goodnight my love,” he buries his face into the blanket before whispering, “better make the morning worth my while then”

I giggle as I slap his chest with my tiny hand.

He gives me one last kiss before I snuggle into his warm body. I loved being close to him. We didn’t always get to share moments like this, so I cherished the few we had. I always feel at ease when I have him here with me. He felt like home, he was my home.

anonymous asked:

What's your opinion on this robot harry?For me it's so annoying he can't even pretend to be excited for his own tour, his social media presence is such a turn off

Well I’m sort of digging myself a grave with this one, but since I haven’t seen a post I can fully agree with, here we go. Disclaimer, I actually study this at uni. I was the Social Media Manager for the planning and putting together of a fashion show, on all platforms. I just handed in last month a 6-months marketing plan that was based around social media promo. So I do have a bit of knowledge in this area. I am by no means an expert, but this is my future field of choice, so I like to think I’m at least educated.

The situation isn’t as black and white as people have put it so far. All I’ve seen is “he’s horrible at engaging with fans” and “he doesn’t own you shit so stop complaining”. The answer is a very big grey area in which Harry’s actual social media presence fits perfectly in my opinion. First of all, there’s two main templates we studied for marketing purposes this year, Gaynor Lea Greenwood’s promotion suggestions (2009) and Burcher (2013)’s Paid, Owned and Earned media concept. Long story short, the first one is your traditional marketing campaign and the second one relies more on social media and advertising on it. Now, I think Harry’s team went for the more traditional approach, and let me explain why.

Harry started distancing himself more and more from twitter and Instagram ever since the hiatus started.Even before, during OTRA and MITAM promo, most of his tweets were promo stuff, lyrics I’m not sure we fully understand even now, charity work, promoting friends or tweeting about holidays/important days or events. His fan interaction has been low for quite a while, and I’m honestly baffled people are acting like this is news. Looking through his Twitter in 2015, there are some tweets to fans, yes, but they’re very sparse.I counted about 12 in 5 months, most of them in September, when Perfect came out, and around the release of MITAM.His tweets were mostly thanks to fans for various awards and nominalisation, promoting the songs/album, some lyrics and, without fail, after every concert he tweeted a thank you for coming.

It felt more personal than what we have now (tho in all honesty, his tour hasn’t started yet and if we eliminate the OTRA tweets it’s already a different story), but Robot Harry has been a thing then, and people were riding along with it instead of condemning it to the extent they do now.But, the thing is, Harry didn’t have the entire burden of engaging with the fanbase like he has now.Louis, Niall and Liam always took turns in taking the lead in replying to fans and interacting with them, which allowed Harry to do his part and everyone was mostly happy.

And yet, I personally don’t feel this frustration many people feel. I think it’s quite interesting actually. A bold move that wouldn’t work for other artist whose career relies on people who live and breathe social media (maybe Beyonce or Adele, but they are in another league). I was very intrigued by Harry’s statement in the Behind the album video, in which he said that there was a time in his life when people knew everything about him, and he didn’t like it.He has been overexposed since 2012, his personal life splashed across tabloids, fake relationship or not.And now he disappeared for a year (and has been retreating into himself for at least 2) and he wrote this mysterious™ album, trying to see if people can listen and understand it without knowing much about the current him. In this context, having an album that surrounds itself in mystery and then doing 4 Q&As on twitter and 3 livestreams sends…extremely contradictory messages. I can, and will fault his team for presenting a dual image of Harry that sometimes makes 0 sense, for handling a lot of things so poorly, and for the entire Carolina mess, but I will say that his social media fits this old school mysterious rockstar image they’re showing of him. I also think his actual reason is very personal and very real, and I respect the fact that he didn’t compromise this choice he made for promo purposes.

His promo relied on more traditional channels. TV and radio appearances, print magazines, and most importantly, the secret gigs. Now, I’m sorry, but I felt entirely more connected to Harry running across London at 8AM in my pyjamas than by any twitter spree he’ll ever do. I never did this before. This reminded me of the stories my dad told me, of queuing up for days in front of the box office so he’d get the tickets when they went on sale. It was very old school and it worked for me. It was a phenomenal experience, something I will never forget. And he did this for us. All profits went to charity, he didn’t do this for money. And while I know this was for a few selected cities and a handful of lucky fans, it was intimate and it was special and I think everyone, regardless if they were there, or vicariously living through pics and videos, felt a connection to Harry. We got emotional on his behalf when he sang with his idol on stage 2 weeks later, you don’t do that for someone you have no connection to.

Now, the actual reason I’m happy with what we’ve got is that it is genuine from my POV. Liam is the perfect candidate for a comparison, since he also took a bit of a break from social media (not as heavy as Harry’s, but he definitely wasn’t as active as Louis or Niall) and his promo is as textbook as it gets. He slowly, but surely increased his activity since January, a few more tweets, a few more pics on Instagram.A big turning point was April when he posted 13 pics on Instagram, compared to 8 in March, 4 in February and 3 in January. His Twitter went through a similar process.Now, the moment he started posting more, I knew his music was gonna be out soon. It’s pure marketing. You start your campaign weeks before the actual launch, it’s only natural. Unless you want to drop it as a surprise, but that’s another discussion. Actually Harry did it too, with the TV ad, but that was ruined by the info getting leaked beforehand and everyone getting pissed off by that so whatevs. Now, Liam is going for the approachable celeb route. Streams, Instagram stories, snapchat, tweeting fans, loads of pics, videos with popular Youtubers. It’s nice and about as well handled as it gets (apart from that weird video release earlier than it should have been and Liam just generally being a bit…odd?off?idk how to explain it, but a lot of people feel the same way from what I’ve seen). It fits with the image Liam is going for, it aims at the right target audience. He’s not trying to enter a new market like Harry is. He’s consolidating his place in the current market from what I’ve seen (and I’ll admit I haven’t followed his promo as closely as Harry’s). Trying to imagine Harry doing this sort of promo doesn’t really work for me.

Niall has been present on and off social media ever since he came back from his trip last year. Literally, if I pull up the calendars people have been making each month, he doesn’t get more than a handful of days without doing something, so it’s unfair to compare him to the others, since he’s always around and posting and doing stuff.

Louis deserves a better team and I won’t have anyone uttering anything else in my presence, and yet somehow, despite Niall’s constant presence and Liam’s textbook engagement, I’ll never feel as connected to them as I feel to Louis. Louis’ tweets are the perfect mixture of absolutely adorable fan service (“our year” 😭😭) and some of the things he’s passionate about (tv shows, fashion, footie/sports). His promo for JHO was….I have no words for it and I’m gonna have a rage fit if I start thinking about it, but his overall persona is charming and endearing when he’s posting things himself. He created a real communication channel between us and him and he knows how to use it when he needs to send a message (warning selfies anyone?Only you?). There’s an actual analysis of Instagram stats that shows he’s the number 1 male account in engagement and overall likes and that doesn’t surprise me one bit. Louis is a smart businessman, he has a loyal fanbase who is here for him through thick and thin.

And on top of everything I said so far, none of them owe us anything outside the promo bubble. Apart from shoots, songs/albums/tours info and official announcements, they do not owe us anything. If they chose to share a picture from their home, that’s their personal space, and while it’s good for PR, amazingly good in a society that thrives from the feeling of knowing everything about everyone (like what’s your fave’s breakfast and how’s their cat is doing), it’s still a part they can choose to keep private and no one should be entitled to ask for more.

Have you seen Adele’s Instagram? It gives you this illusion of closeness to her, with make up free selfies, funny poses and landscape shots. Too bad literally everything is from touring and other official appearances right? There’s one picture of her home, and that’s to celebrate the end of the tour. Harry sort of did the same with the booklet pictures. He allowed you into his personal space in a controlled manner, just like Adele did. Only he did it in a different way. His promo is just different and you have to think a bit outside the box to see that he actually did a lot of things other artists do. Just a bit differently. Was it perfect?Fuck, no. Was it as bad as many people make it look like?Personally, I don’t think so. It was just different and people are entirely justified to see it as a good or a bad thing. I see it mostly as a good thing. Mostly.

5 Stages

Matt Murdock x Reader

Summary: The 5 stages of falling in love with Matt Murdock.
Genre: Romance/fluff
Rating: T
Warnings: Swearings, injuries
2,038 words

Notes: HELLO EVERYONE. First, I want to apologize for my late responses to the few requests I have but I’M WORKING ON IT. My internet it’s not working properly so that’s one more stone in my way… :/ The requests are closed until I sort it out. So I’ll leave you guys with this Matt one I wrote and didn’t post. Feedback always welcomed. <3 ENJOY! 


Stage 1: Butterflies
You can’t get the person out of your head. 

At first, Matt thought it was temporary. 

Since Fisk, Nelson & Murdock earned some nice cases and clients and Foggy insisted that they needed another secretary. A internet ad and a 20 minute interview later, you got hired. 

4 months working with them and it felt like you were long time friends. Foggy treated you like a sister and Karen was glad and clearly relieved that she had a girlfriend to count on after everything she’d been through. 

But with Matt…it was different. He kept saying to himself the both of you were just friends but deep down, he knew it was a little bit more than that. 

Keep reading

Expecto Patronum (Remus Lupin x Reader)

pairing: remus lupin x reader, smol bit of sirius black x reader

warnings: swearing? I think? I can’t remember. 

word count: 2697 words

When you and Remus decide to hold secret meetings to create a patronus, You discover that yours and Remus’ are the same, meaning that you are both soulmates. 

A/N: this is my first actual fic that i’ve posted on tumblr so I’m super sorry for spelling and grammar mistakes! Also, it is 1:30am and I am so tired™️ Enjoy and feel free to request!


Sunlight spilled through the tall windows, soaking her in golden light and making her sparkle. She looked positively beautiful bathing in the afternoon light that flooded the library, and Remus couldn’t stop staring at her.

Her brows were furrowed in concentration, her bottom lip tucked beneath her teeth as her warm hand moved across the parchment, inking words about whatever homework they had decided to do. She didn’t seem to realize how distracting she truly was, because she continued to pour over her homework, oblivious to the way she had captured Remus’s attention. How she had bewitched his soul and stolen his heart from his ribcage.

They had been friends for years, since their first year when they met on the Hogwarts Express. Their friendship had survived when they split into different groups, she befriending Lily Evans and becoming one of the most popular girls in school, and him becoming the fourth Marauder. Their friendship had strengthened at times when he thought it would wither, like the time she had discovered his secret. Instead of recoiling, though, she supported him and they endured together. He had vowed not to fall in love with her but love is a very complicated thing and one should never vow against it. 

She paused briefly, snapping Remus out of his reverie and the boy returned his eyes to his blank parchment. She looked at him, bemused, by his lack of work.

“Are you okay?” she asked, leaning over and pressing their shoulders together. Remus swallowed, dryly.

“Erm – yeah, I’m fine,” said Remus, “just – er – thinking,”

(Y/N) gave him a quizzical look, as though she were trying to decide whether to investigate further or to leave the matter entirely. Remus hoped for the latter. It must have shown on his face because she gave him a small smile.

“Okay. Hey, can I read to you what I’ve got so far?” Remus nodded and she cleared her throat.

The Patronus Charm is the most powerful and the most infamous defensive spell known to wizardkind, to master the spell is considered a triumphant achievement, as the spell is incredibly difficult and immensely complicated, and many witches and wizards fail to produce a corporeal Patronus.

To conjure a Patronus, one must channel all their concentration into a single, happy memory and use the incarnation ‘Expecto Patronum’ which, when translated from Latin, means ‘I await a guardian. ‘The stronger the memory, the more effective the Patronus will be.

The Patronus is the only known defense against Dementors-”

And now he was doing it again. The world around him was fading and all he could see was her, how beautiful she was, how melodic her voice was, how incredibly intelligent and funny and kind she is-

The Patronus takes the shape of a silvery animal with whom most witches and wizards who successfully conjure one share a deep affinity too. The form that it takes is unique to the wizard or witch who produces it as it reflects the individuals’ personality. It is possible for the patronus to change forms, but these cases are rare-”

And all he could think about was kissing her right in this very moment. A fluid movement of leaning forward and pressing their lips together. Closing his eyes and tasting how truly sweet she is. He needed to kiss her, if it’s the last thing he does-

As the Patronus is the embodiment of a persons life force, it is possible for one to produce a patronus that takes the same form of someone they love. This is extremely rare, and a wizard and witch must have a strong connection and immeasurable love for one another to be able to do so.

Keep reading

Princess

super original title xoxo honestly I couldn’t be bothered to spend ages thinking of a decent one, it’s not too important anyway. This is my first time posting an actual thingy thing for a while, and I’m kinda nervous about it because it was a request by @underworldsheiress, who wanted twin brother Edmund to be a top wingman and encourage Caspian to confess his feelings to the reader which leads to smutty smut smut and them being found by overprotective brother™ Peter who loses his shit lmao. It’s kinda long, around 4.5k, and like I said I am pretty nervous about posting it because it’s not just something I wrote when an idea popped into my head, but I hope y’all like it anyway :)

“Christ Y/N, stop it,”

“Stop what?” I asked, sparing him only a fleeting glance before averting my gaze back to Caspian. My voice sounded disinterested even to my own ears, but I was too distracted to care. He was so beautiful. He always looked gorgeous, but tonight especially, the night of his coronation, he just radiated warmth and happiness. He practically glowed. And God, the way his crown sat on his head, the way he looked all kingly and powerful. It turned me on just thinking about it, about him commanding me to get on my knees and –

“You’re practically eye fucking Caspian,” I snapped my head up immediately, banishing my sinful thoughts. Edmund wrinkled his nose in disgust. “No offence but I don’t really want to see my sister looking at one of my friends like that, especially when we’re in the middle of a conversation,”

 

“We were?”

“Oh my God-”

“Sorry,” I apologised sincerely, grabbing his hand and squeezing it between mine to reassure him. “My attention’s all yours. Strictly twin bonding time for the best Pevensie children,”

“Hey!” Lucy shot me a playful glare as she spun past our table, midway through a dance – I couldn’t remember which it was – with the fauns. She had always loved music and dancing.

Edmund smiled at that, but out of the corner of my eye I saw it fade away when he caught me peeking at Caspian again. He was talking to someone I didn’t know, but she was extremely beautiful and they seemed awfully close. I swallowed, a sour taste in my mouth, even though I had no right to be jealous.

“You should just tell him you know,” he said softly in a more serious tone. I looked at him, shocked. I went to protest and rebuff the suggestion but he carried on talking. “Don’t look at me like that. You’re my sister. I know you better than anyone, and I’ve known about your feelings for Caspian since the moment you started having them,”

I looked down at my hands, every witty and scathing response I had loaded suddenly vanishing. “But I can’t,” I said pathetically. I wanted to glance back over at Caspian but I was scared of what I’d see. “If I said anything…I just can’t.” I stood up abruptly, taking off as fast as I could without appearing rude, unable to stay in that hall any longer. Everyone was so cheerful and happy and all I could think about was how much I wanted someone I couldn’t have.

“Y/N, come back!” I heard Edmund call after me but I ignored him. I felt bad for dismissing him but I needed to be alone. I was closer with Edmund than anyone in the world, more so than with even Peter or Susan or Lucy. Being twins meant we had always had a very special bond. I loved all my brothers and sisters with every inch of my heart, but nothing could compare to my connection with Ed. Yet I feared even that wasn’t enough, that he would never truly understand how I felt for Caspian; that he would never understand why I was unable to be upfront with him about my feelings.

I locked the door to my room and flung myself onto my bed, staring at the high ceiling. I felt tears prickle at my eyes. I held them back. I refused to cry. I was just so frustrated and conflicted and overwhelmed with emotion for this stupid boy and his stupid smile and stupid perfect hair and stupid lips that I so badly wanted to feel against mine. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

Get a grip, I muttered to myself.

—–

Edmund wasn’t the type of person to stick his nose into other people’s business. He found it usually resulted in himself or both parties getting hurt, and things ending up way more complicated than how they had been initially. For Y/N, however, he had always made an exception. She’s my twin sister, he reasoned with himself as he approached Caspian who was perched on the edge of a table, fully immersing himself with the people who had arrived to celebrate his coronation. If there’s anything I could do to make her happier, of course I would do it. And I know she’d do the same for me.

 

“Caspian,” Ed said by way of greeting, capturing the king’s attention. He was still in conversation with the beautiful dark skinned girl. Caspian politely excused himself and sprang up, grinning hugely as he pulled Edmund into a brief hug.

“Edmund!” he was clearly in a joyous mood – rarely had Edmund ever known him to be quite so happy to see him. “Enjoying the celebrations? I know Lucy is, all I’ve seen of her all night is a blur,” he laughed, and then noticed the absence of Y/N. He had grown quite close to her during their time together, and it was a rarity that she and Ed were ever that far apart. “Hey, where’s Y/N? I haven’t had a chance to speak to her tonight.”

Edmund cleared his throat feeling somewhat awkward. He hadn’t really planned this out properly. “That’s kind of what I wanted to discuss, actually…”

Concern flashed in Caspian’s eyes immediately. His heart dropped. “Is she okay? She’s not hurt is she? No of course she’s not, you wouldn’t be so calm if she were in trouble. But…something is wrong?” He spoke at a rushed pace, attempting to quell his nerves when he feared the worst.

How to be tactful about this? Frankly, Edmund had no fucking clue. “Tact is just not saying true stuff,” he stated plaintively, mostly for his own benefit.

“…Right? That doesn’t really answer my question though –’’

“Y/N likes you!” Wow, real smooth Ed.

 

Whatever Caspian had been expecting, it wasn’t that. “I-you-she-me what?” He practically fell over his words.

“Are you broken?”

Caspian let Edmund’s joking comment slide. “Are you being serious?” He remembered how to speak at last. “You’re not just fucking with me?”

“No, but I’m pretty sure she wishes she was,” What’s wrong with me, Edmund thought, cringing at his own comment. Stop using shitty humour to make yourself feel less awkward.

 

The king almost choked. “She said that to you?”

“No, but you’d have to be either stupid or blind not to notice the way she looks at you. It’s kind of gross, actually. From my perspective anyway. And Peter’s. Fucking hell, if he ever found out he would get so over protective you have no idea…”

“Wait, so you really think she has feelings for me?” Dare he get his hopes up? He didn’t think he could bear allowing himself to believe she reciprocated his feelings, only for it to all be some joke.

“Considering she pretty much flat out told me, yes I’m very sure of it. That’s why she left. I think, anyway. She saw you talking to that girl and got a bit overwhelmed. I’m sure she’s fine though,” he smiled weakly and tapped his head. “Twin telepathy.”

Caspian took all this in for a moment. He had to fight to keep from grinning like a fool he felt so giddy. How embarrassing that would be. He could already hear the Narnians gossiping about it: “King Caspian defeats an army and restores peace to Narnia, loses his shit and becomes a teenaged girl when he finds out his crush likes him back.” That would never do.

“Do you know where she would have gone?”

—–

I lay there for a while. Half an hour? An hour? Edmund didn’t attempt to follow me and I was glad. He could sense I needed some time to myself. And I felt better for it. I could think straight again. Maybe I’d even join the celebrations again. They’d surely go on all night long. Maybe the tangible joy in that hall wouldn’t be so stifling now my head was clear.

There was a knock at the door. Probably Edmund deciding to check on me, or maybe Susan. Susan had such a gentle heart, she’d want to make sure I was alright after my sudden exit.

I crossed the room and smoothed down my dress. I opened the door.

And promptly almost had a heart attack.

“Hello Y/N,” Caspian said politely, smiling gently.

All the feelings and rush of emotions that had overwhelmed me in the hall came flooding back tenfold. I couldn’t breathe. “Caspian?” I managed weakly. My eyes flitted up to the crown he wore. “I mean, Your Grace. What are you doing here?”

He let himself in and closed the door hesitantly. “You don’t have to call me that. I’m still Caspian to you. I noticed you were gone and then Edmund came and spoke to me…”

The way he trailed off made my heart leap. What the fuck has Edmund done. If he had told Caspian about my feelings for him I was going to kill him.

“What did he say to you?” I asked a tad too sharply. I was sure I must look terrified.

Caspian tensed at my tone, visibly uncomfortable. “Just…um, stuff. About you. And…me,”

I closed my eyes. It felt as though my stomach had fell through the floor. My skin felt prickly and my head felt heavy. No. This couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t know.

“I am so sorry,” I choked out, stumbling over my words in my haste to get them out. “I don’t know exactly what he told you but it’s not what it sounds like. I can’t stand here and lie and say I don’t like you, because I do,” my throat seemed to be closing up faster and faster. “But it doesn’t matter and you should forget about it because it’s stupid and I’m stupid, just a stupid little girl with stupid dreams and…”

“Y/N,” he said. His voice was level. He was using his Prince – well, King now, I guess – voice. It was calm and full of authority. I shut up before I could fuck up even further. I seriously wanted to cry. He was silent for a moment whilst he gathered his thoughts now I had stopped rambling. I couldn’t bear to look at him, but looking away was even worse. “Did you…mean that?” he finally ventured. But he was quieter now. He took a deep breath. “Do you really think that your feelings for me are stupid? That they…that they don’t matter?” He sounded hurt. It broke my heart.

“No! I mean yes I – fuck, I don’t know!” I sounded pathetic. Stupid. I covered my face with my hands, willing everything to fade away, for this to not be happening. I heard his footsteps approaching me and then I felt his fingers gently pulling my hands away from my face. They encircled my wrists delicately. I willed myself to be strong and met his eyes, fighting the tears threatening to well in my eyes.

“I have so much I need to say,” he said softly, impossibly dark eyes trained on mine. Just looking into his eyes made me feel dizzy. “But I think it would be easier if I just…” I felt him leaning in, getting closer until his face was level with mine and so fucking close I daren’t breathe. He was testing the waters. I couldn’t fathom what was happening until his lips touched mine with such soft, tender passion I could have wept. Those lips I’d been thinking of for so long were on mine. Caspian was kissing me. I had so many questions, so much I wanted to ask him, but I’d wanted this for so fucking long I shoved all thoughts to the side and let it happen, let my lips follow his lead as I kissed him back. He let my wrists go and his hands went to my waist instead, pulling me in tighter. I dreaded the moment he would have to let go.

His lips broke apart from mine and his forehead rested on mine. His eyes were closed, breathing somewhat jagged. “Please don’t stop,” I whispered. I needed more of him. This was what I had yearned for. I couldn’t let it end so soon. “Please…”

A soft growl tore from his throat, his resolve breaking, his lips back on mine, firmer this time, desperate and demanding, pulling me into him whilst one hand at the small of my back lead me backwards to the bed. There was nothing chaste about this kiss. Everything I had suppressed due to fear and everything he had held back came pouring out, his lips forceful against mine and his breathing heavy. I couldn’t believe this was happening, but it was, and my head was spinning and he felt so hot and powerful and strong that I let him lead me. He kissed me hungrily and I gripped his shoulders, relishing every point of contact between us. I inhaled and exhaled through my nose as I tried to remember how to breathe, the taste of his lips clouding my thoughts. Everything was happening so fast and he was tearing off my dress and kissing my neck and his hands were everywhere and he was shirtless and his skin was so tanned and toned just like I knew it would be. His bare skin on mine burned in the most delicious way possible. His tongue was on my skin, following the curve of my neck and I shuddered, arching into him as he loomed above me. Every action was fuelled by lust and hunger and pure, thrumming primal desire but there was an underlying sweetness and passion that was more than just sexual frustration. And I knew that he wanted me and loved me as much as I him, all from the feel of his lips brushing against my skin.

“Caspian,” I breathed. He nipped my shoulder and I gasped. His touch was electrifying, awakening every nerve in my body, and I knew I would be drenched by the time he reached where I was so desperate for contact.

I could feel him fighting to remain gentle, could feel that he wanted to make love to me tenderly, but it was as though now it was happening he let his desire take over. His hands were forceful, pushing my legs apart as he crouched between them, leaving me vulnerable and on display to him completely. The urge to close them again due to self-consciousness was immense, but his fingers dug into my thighs and held them in place, his hot breath tickling my exposed flesh, and in that moment I felt so irrevocably wanted that I let him do as he pleased, aching and silently begging him to touch me through my body language. I couldn’t see his face as he dipped down to plant the lightest of kisses to my inner thighs, just a messy head of soft brown hair that I felt the urge to bury my hands in. The crown had fell off when he pushed me onto the bed and dipped his head to kiss me again; it lay discarded on the floor, along with our clothes. The kisses were gentle, oh so gentle, teasing up and up until he reached where I wanted, needed him the most, before he began the slow taunting pattern all over again. The anticipation of his lips pressing against my swollen clit and his tongue lapping at my wetness was almost hotter than the actions themselves. More kisses. Closer and closer, firmer and firmer. I let my head fall back against my pillow, unable to control my heavy breathing or the slow arch of my back. He was going to drive me crazy, and he had yet to even touch my pussy. Caspian between my legs was the hottest thing I had ever seen.

“Please,” it was a soft plea, but I knew he heard me, that he could hear the desperation in my voice. His lips ghosted over where I craved him most of all, lightly brushing against me, and in my frenzied state of arousal my hips bucked upwards to chase after him. I whimpered. I felt his tongue tentatively flick against my clit. His heavy breathing matched mine, only increasing the heat down there. As his tongue began to explore, slowly but surely, his fingers gripped my thighs tighter. The more he gave the more I wanted. He licked me at a leisurely pace, as though he wanted to savour the moment and draw out my pleasure, and there was a building pressure stirring inside me. I could fucking hear the sounds of his mouth kissing and sucking and licking my pussy. I couldn’t restrain the gasps and helpless moans that I struggled not to choke on that fell from my lips. He made quiet little noises of content whilst he ate me out, too, like nothing there was nothing in the world he’d rather do than lick my pussy. Pleasure, pleasure, pleasure. God, his fucking tongue. This, I decided, was much better than talking about our feelings, which I’m sure we would do, just as soon as I-

“Fuck, Caspian, I’m gonna come,” I moaned, slightly embarrassed at how wanton and loud I sounded. I was right on the edge, each stroke of his tongue pushing me further, until every inch of me was alight with pleasure, the tingling pressure intensifying in my lower regions, shooting through me until I saw white behind my closed eyelids, rolling my hips as I hit my release, body limp and content from climax. All the while I felt his hands gripping me, holding me close as he slowed down his administrations and kissed between my legs gently, careful not to over stimulate me. I was warm and happy in the afterglow, with this gorgeous man between my thighs. His eyes flickered up to meet mine through eyelids heavy with arousal, and I groaned at the sinful sight. He planted one last kiss before coming back up level with my face, his own body gliding against mine. This time when his lips touched mine I could taste the slight tang of myself on him, which only turned me on even more despite the powerful orgasm I had just had.

“Thank you princess,” I heard him whisper. He nuzzled my neck. I propped myself onto my elbows and stared at him in bewilderment.

“What do you mean? I should be the one thanking you?” I said in disbelief, but it sounded more like a question. Why on earth was Caspian thanking me after making me come harder than I ever had before? His lips curled into a bashful smile.

“Y/N, all I’ve ever wanted is to make you feel good. To feel you and see you like this,”

I was at a loss for words. I wrapped one arm around his shoulders and pulled him down toward me so I could hug him. So much had gone unsaid. “I guess we should probably talk,” amazingly I was still nervous, even though he had literally just gone down on me and I could feel his naked skin pressed against mine.

“I guess we should,”

But instead I rolled my hips into his and felt his hardness. My stomach flipped, and I felt both shyness and pride. I did that to him. A low growl slipped from his lips.

“Fuck talking,”

He grabbed my hips. I brought my legs up to lock around his waist, forcing his hips to grind downwards to meet me. He laughed breathily at my eagerness, staring at me in wonder. Or arousal, I couldn’t quite tell. His hair was falling around his face, dark messy strands that I had yet to run my hands through. I had half a mind to, but then he thrust into me and I cried out at the sudden fullness, unable to think straight as he buried his cock deep inside me. He slid in effortlessly, soft moans in my ear as he filled me up. I clawed at his back and bucked my hips. Catching my breath proved almost an impossible task when he pulled back, only to ram into me again, stretching me out completely. I cried out.

—–

I woke up sore. Stiff neck and aching muscles that burned in what was an almost pleasurable fashion. Turning my head, I saw Caspian’s dark hair splayed out on the pillow he lay on, his brows slightly furrowed whilst he slept. Everything came rushing back – the way we’d stayed up all night, fucking and talking and making love, and talking some more. No wonder I was so sore. I remembered every touch and caress of his lips, hands and body, and blushed. I reached out to cup his face with the palm of my hand. His eyelids fluttered. Clearly he was a light sleeper. He awoke, confused for a moment, then saw me beside him, the sheets barely concealing my form, and he smiled sleepily.

“Hey,” his voice was low and ever so husky. I bit my lip and felt my own playful grin forming.

“Morning,” I said coyly. We lay face to face and he indicated for me to cuddle up closer, which I did willingly, the feel of his arms around me securing me.

“What time is it?” he asked, my head against his chest. I shrugged, tilting my head up so I could see his face.

“Late. Why? We don’t have anywhere to be…we could just stay here all day,”

He smirked. “Don’t tempt me,”

I feigned innocence. “It’s not my fault I’m so entirely desirable…”

He rolled me onto my back, straddling me and pinning my wrists above my head.

“I don’t know how much more I can take,” I warned him truthfully, even though our position made me want him inside me all over again. I ached though, and I knew walking would be a challenge. His eyes softened immediately, as he had no will to make me feel uncomfortable. Though truthfully, when he asserted his dominance over me like this – my body pinned down by his, arms above my head, completely at his mercy – it was a huge turn on. Pretty much everything he did turned me on.

“We don’t have to do anything right now,” his sensitive and compassionate side was also a definite turn on. Damn.

“Just go easy on me,” that spark was back in his eyes again, but somehow softer this time. He kissed my neck slowly, lovingly.

“I’ll fuck you so gently, princess…” his hot breath sent shivers down my spine. I squirmed.

His lips remained at my throat, gracing it with the softest of kisses, so light they were barely there. “Why do you call me princess?” I asked, but he was distracting me and my voice cracked. He released my wrists and I immediately let my fingers tangle in his hair and tugged, just the way he liked, as I had discovered last night. He groaned.

“Because,” he murmured. I wasn’t sure if it was intentional or not, but there was a sultry hint to his voice. “I am the king. That makes you my princess…or queen, if you’d like,” He stopped kissing my neck then, and pulled back so he could see my face. There was a cheeky glint in his eyes. “But I think princess sounds hotter,”

I spread my legs for him. He was right, princess did sound hotter. And I wanted him inside me again. “But we’re not married. Doesn’t that just make me your whore?”

“Of course not,” he tucked his hair behind his ear and smirked. “Whores get paid,”

“Then you’d better pay up,” he chuckled at my words, and all of a sudden I gasped. One of his hands had slyly crept between my thighs, his thumb expertly brushing against my clit.

“I think I’ll take my chances,” he slid one finger inside me and smirked.

“What the fuck is this?”

Caspian whipped his head round immediately, like a startled rabbit, and leapt off of me immediately, pulling his hands away from my body and shooting to the other side of the bed. I’d never seen him so skittish. And then I saw my older brother Peter stood in the doorway, and the words finally registered with me, and I bolted upright, wrapping the sheets tightly around me. Fuck. Mortification flushed red in my cheeks and fear crept through my veins.

 

Peter was stood so still it was slightly scary, his eyes flat. I could see the muscles in his jaw clenching. “I’m going to fucking kill him,” his voice was low but it trembled with anger, and I’d have rather he had shouted. He pointed at Caspian then, moving at last, raising his voice. “I don’t care if he’s the king,” I was scared now.

“Peter, please –’’

“No!” he said furiously. “He is dead,

He turned his attention to Caspian then, who now the initial shock had subsided, seemed pretty much at ease. I looked back at Peter, at the anger flaming in his eyes. “Peter, leave him alone, this has nothing to do with you,” I tried to reason with him, fighting the tremble in my voice.

“Nothing to do with me?” he scoffed, and he laughed, and I worried he had become unhinged. “You’re my baby sister! You’re like thirteen –’’

“I’m sixteen!” I defended myself angrily. I was more upset with Peter than embarrassed now. He was being unreasonable. “God, get over yourself Peter! Did you really think I was gonna stay a pre-pubescent little girl forever? I’m sorry you had to see this – my god, am I sorry – but don’t be an arse!”

Peter was silent. He so desperately wanted to be livid, and he probably still was, but he saw the sense in what I had said.

“We’ll talk about this later,” he muttered, seemingly rather bitter. He addressed Caspian. “I meant it. If you do anything she doesn’t want you to do, or if you hurt her in any way shape of form, it won’t matter that you’re the king. I’ll murder you.”

He left, and I could hear him grumbling to himself down the hall. Caspian was staring at me.

“What?” I asked, visibly shaken by the whole thing.

He pulled me into a hug and I melted into the embrace. It comforted me. “He’ll come around you know. It’s kind of in his job description as big brother to be a dick when it comes to things like this,”

“I know. It just pisses me off when he gets over protective like that,”

“It just means that he loves you. He doesn’t want to admit to himself that he can’t always protect you from everything,”

I looked up at him. “What, and you’d class yourself as something I need protecting from?” I smirked as I teased him.

He grinned wolfishly and flipped me onto my back again, his dominance being unleashed once more. “Oh princess, you have no idea.”

Haikyū!! Youtubers AU #5

Hello! I am back! If you haven’t noticed, I’m trying my best to be as active as I can over here because I’m really close to 1k followers! Also, since many people like this series, I’m going to actively continue it! And the characters for today’s post is Bokuto and Kuroo!

[Side note: No one knows if these two are a thing or if they have relationships outside of their Youtube life.]

  • Bokuto and Kuroo have a separate channels but share a gaming channel! They are the best of bros, they do parkour videos, pranks, gaming and workout videos! They share an apartment, but each have their own personal bedrooms. They also have a gaming room and a gym room!
  • From them, you can clearly see their differences when it comes to aesthetic sensibilities. Kuroo has a more simplistic taste; his room has a neutral grey colour scheme with red furnishings. His bedsheets and bookshelves are all a crimson-like shade. As for Bokuto, he has a nice moon theme going on, his room is a little more messy and stuff but somehow he manages to make it work. Bokuto has a lot of owl-print sheets or owl-based decorations overall.
  • They address each other by bro. However they do have other nicknames for each other too. Kuroo calls Bokuto “Kou” or “Bo”, while Bokuto calls Kuroo “Tetsu”.
  • Kuroo is a nerd! Sometimes, he will have videos of himself rambling on about biology or chemistry. For this, he often has Bokuto as an assistant for a weird act he puts up. Bokuto always manages to screw up the pronunciations of certain words but it’s hilarious so Kuroo keeps them in when editing. 
  • Kuroo actually graduated with a master’s degree in biology, so him referencing and making little science jokes aren’t that uncommon.
  • Bokuto may seem a little ignorant, but that is far from the truth, he actually likes talking and help raise awareness for certain social issues like animal welfare? He’s a big fan of owls and he states that if he could, he would keep one and name it “Oya”. 
  • They went to a bird park ones and Bokuto was obsessed with the owls.
  • Bokuto being the type of Youtuber to be really clumsy, especially if he’s around fans because he gets really nervous. Sometimes he trips over people’s feet or ends up hitting someone by accident; he won’t stop apologising and his friends have to reassure him everything is okay.
  • Both enjoy fan meets a lot, and thus, they try their best to go to as many as they can. Sometimes, they are asked to do a live dance dance revolution battle on stage, they host the thing themselves, sometimes inviting other youtubers or fans to join them.
  • ANYTHING WITH DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION IS THEIR MOST HEATED VIDEOS! THEY CAN DANCE. Good dancing boys.Yes. 
  • Kuroo can play the drums! He says that he used to be in a band, but dropped it after a few months because school was more than enough to worry about. Bokuto can play both the electric and acoustic guitar, in fact, he’s pretty good at it! 
  • Kuroo, Bokuto and Iwa did a collab once! Fans love it. Iwa has a really amazing voice, Kuroo’s drumming brings out the smooth tones and Bokuto’s strumming is on point.
  • Have I mentioned that they do a lot of collabs? Especially with Iwa since he’s one of the more popular and prominent gaming youtubers! They have done three collabs with Oikawa [and Iwa, cause for some reason they really like Iwa]; Dance Dance revolution, “Fashion forward” and one video about what it’s like being a pet owner. As mentioned, TheDankMemes have interviewed them once, and a few months after that, they did the ultimate pranking video at the beach.
  • When these four pranksters come together, there is nothing but havoc. Legend has it, these four nearly set an entire party on fire, literally.
  • Bokuto has a mini-series where he likes challenging other youtubers to an arm-wrestling challenge. The only people he can’t seem to beat is Iwa and Ushijima. He didn’t lose either, all three of them are on par.
  • Kuroo likes socks, he has an entire collection of animal-themed ones. He has a thing for the casual street-wear look, and he rocks it really well. Bokuto on the other hand nails baggy clothes or tank tops.
  • They can’t cook. Last time Bokuto cooked, he forgot to wash the squid and they ended up with bad food poisoning. They have tried many times, and even film this disastrous experience, only to result in complete utter failure. They decide on pizza instead.
  • Kuroo hates pineapple on pizza; he can’t fucking stand it. He has a video explaining why pineapple on pizza is an abomination and that it should never be allowed. Bokuto is fine with it and Kuroo is deeply disappointed.
  • They like vodka and brandy though. Beer is a little too bitter for them.
  • Throwback to that one time Bokuto was filming them in their gym, and Kuroo suddenly coming up from behind and smacking Bokuto’s butt. He casually says “Nice ass bro.” and resumes his routine.
  • Also, playing “would you smash?” on their individual channels, both have similarly stated they would gladly marry or smash Iwa cause Iwa is just really popular among guys?? He has a weird sort of charm according to Kuroo. 
  • Tendou seems to fit in really well with two, when they get together, they are known as the “Hell Trio”
  • They throw a lot of parties, cause why the fuck not?

Previous Part!
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Peonies

The five times James gave Lily flowers and the two times he didn’t; or, How Lily Evans fell in love with James Potter.

read on AO3

1972

On her first Valentine’s Day at Hogwarts, Lily received lilies from five different people. She loved them because she knew her friends and that one boy from Hufflepuff had good intentions. She knew they thought it’d be cute to give Lily the flower she was named after. Everyone always thought it would be.

After going through it for so many years, Lily should have seen it coming and warned them. Perhaps she could have worn a sign around her neck starting a week prior that read: I do not like lilies.

But despite how unoriginal the flowers were, she carried them around proudly all day. They were beautiful after all. And she may have woken up too late to shower that morning so their sweet perfume was welcome.

That night she sprawled on her back on the floor by the fire with Mary and Marlene. They giggled about all the couples they had seen that day and the boy who had given Mary chocolates. Suddenly, James Potter’s face was looming above Lily’s.

“What on earth are you doing, Potter?” she exclaimed, bolting upright and nearly smacking her forehead against his. He muttered something incoherent before dropping a flower into her lap and bolting toward the boy’s dormitories.

“What was that about?” Marlene asked. Still lying down, she and Mary couldn’t see what James had given Lily.

“Nothing,” Lily said as she slipped the perfect pink peony into the billowy sleeve of her robes. How he knew her favorite flower was a mystery to her. But even more mysterious was the heat spreading across her face and the pounding of her heart. Stupid James had given her some sort of prank flower that made her feel sick. That had to be it. There was no other explanation.

Still. She kept the flower between the pages of one of her transfiguration books.

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anonymous asked:

Would you be willing to share some of your thoughts about Yuri's motivation over the rings, at least? I'd be curious to read your thoughts especially since that scene in particular has a lot of cultural terminology and background that doesn't translate perfectly for International audiences to begin with.

This is a hard one because, as you wrote, I think there are cultural differences especially regarding the concept of “omamori” (protective charms).

First of all it would be very useful to read this interesting and complete post about “omamori”. Although regarding the part about the rings being round and that symbolizing a bond I’m not sure, I think that might be reading too deeply. At the end there’s also my comment on the meaning of the word “omajinai”, which is also not that easy to translate…

This said, the rest under the cut. Of course this is just my personal interpretation based on the Japanese dialogues in the anime and partly on interviews (I think it doesn’t even clash with the “soulmates” thing in the interview from CREA). All quotes from the dialogues are translated by me and do not use the English sub/dub. I am translating “omamori” as “protective charm”.

Warning: it’s kind of long and has pictures because if I don’t explain it thoroughly it might be hard to get my point across.

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anonymous asked:

How did you meet your amazing girlfriend?

I’ve been sitting on this ask for some time trying to figure out the way to say this, so I suppose I will just tell the story as it happened.


I won’t be posting her URL here because I don’t want to send thousands of eyes to scour her blog, but we’ve been mutuals for something like a year, and always had crushes on each other, flirted a ton online, etc. But she lives very far away from me and this, of course, is a major obstacle, so we never made plans to act on that at all. She messaged me one day to say she’d be in town for a day or two on a family trip, and I brought up hooking up if she was interested, although I was such a nervous baby about it that I think I ACTUALLY said, “Hey we should make out or something if you want.” We agreed to meet, go to my place together, have a lot of sex, and make some sourdough because why not?  So in the days before meeting 1) I tried a new recipe and tested it out to ensure it would be good enough and 2) we sexted a ton (she’s good at this and also? world’s best Snapchat snapper) and just got to know each other really well, too, and I found out that we have all sorts of weird little things in common- we want the same number of kids, we want the same color Le Creuset oven, we like and dislike the same kinds of fruits, she has been making jam for several years and I have been making bread for several years, etc- and each of us made several obviously-not-regular-hookup comments about the other being :) the woman :) of our :) dreams :) and how ohhhh gosh if only she didn’t live so far away we’d totally be dating!


She made it to the coffeeshop where I work, and I saw her coming in the door, thought, “WOW she is prettier than I expected” and immediately pretended not to see her/to be very QUICKLY taking some trash to the back of house to go get myself settled. I put on what was apparently a very good -I am totally chill and not going to die- face, sat beside her, made some conversation about her trip up, blah blah, sexted for several hours while I was closing up shop, and decided we would catch a ride from a bar across the street from my job because I MAY have skipped out on a meeting to go fuck this really hot woman and didn’t want it to be super obvious. So I closed up like normal, went to go meet her at the bar, and she kissed me several times while waiting for the car because she was too excited to wait. Then we got home, made bread, and had really incredible sex during which she came 13 (THIRTEEN) times before I stopped counting :) :) :) And when she left I did my best to pretend not to be sad, but it didn’t work because she asked, “Are you sad?” and when I said “Oh! I didn’t think you could tell!” she proceeded to mimic my posture, which was hands-in-my-pockets, slumped over, and forlornly gazing at the ground because I’d had a really genuinely magical time with her.


The main thing is really that the second we met I just felt an instant sort of “WOW I’d like to keep this one around” feeling that I know from a lot of dating is extremely rare and really special, and I think there were lots of moments during our first date that were very much not regular hookup/hangout moments, like we each called the other sweetie more than once, spent…an absurd amount of time staring into each others’ gay eyes, held hands a lot more than would be normal for a hookup, etc. I think it took her a few hours after she left to really realize she was feeling the same thing, but every now and again you meet someone and it just feels right and natural and comfortable instantly, and you just MESH well, and that’s really what happened. So in the next few days we sort of talked things over and decided to give this thing a shot. And I’m glad we did! Sometimes you have to do the very stupid, very silly, very wild 20something thing to do and just go for it because you think you could find something really special and worth it. I think I just sort of thought, “No this isn’t the most logical thing in the world but I know how rare this feeling is and if I can, I don’t plan to let it go because of something like distance.” So now we’re girlfriends and I couldn’t be happier about it- she’s really wonderful and sweet and makes me incredibly happy and I’m so proud to be, as my blog is titled, Her Butch. She’s the best coincidence I’ve ever encountered, and I’m so glad that she came through the city at just the right time and on just the right day and we talked just often enough beforehand for her to tell me she’d be in town, because I honestly didn’t think I was capable of feeling this way again and she’s been a wonderful addition to my life. She’s a pretty excellent girlfriend and I’m more excited than I can say to kiss her again.

Our Kind of Love (Part 2/12)

By: ProMarvelFanGirl

Pairing: Steve x Plus Size!Reader

Summary:  You and Steve have a special kind of love.   One that many may not understand.  After all what would a super soldier who looked like that, want with a girl who looked like you?

A/n: Saw This post and was inspired!  If you would like to be tagged please let me know!  

(PART 1)


an “I love you” before we say bye kind of love.

Charlie looked over his cards at Steve who was clearly lost in his own thoughts, nudging Sam he motioned to the super solider.  Sam just shook his head and nudged the metal armed super soldier to his right.  Bucky made to glare at Sam, but broke into a smile when he saw his best friend looking miles away.  

“Yoo hoo, Steve?  I thought I was the brain-washed one not you.  Pay attention.”  Bucky chuckled and the reddening cheeks of his best friend.

“Shut up I’m payin’ attention.”

“Leave the man alone boys, he’s clearly in love.  We should all be so lucky.  Speakin’ of, have you told her yet Cap?”  Charlie smiled at Steve, he was happy for him.  Moreso happy for you, but still happy for Steve as well.

“No. I don’t want to ruin anything by opening my big mouth.”  Bucky and Sam sat snickering to each other over Steve’s whining tone.

“Will you two shut up?! At least I have a girl.” Steve grumbled looking back down at his cards and taking his turn. Both men tried and failed to contain their laughter.  

This was the fifth week in a row Steve had admitted he loved you to someone, but had yet to express it to you.  Bucky, Charlie, and Sam found it hilarious that practically everyone knew he loved you except for you.   The head nurse knew, she recommended telling you in the gazebo on the hospital grounds.   The head chef offered to make him a cake with “I love you” on it to give to you.  Even the teenage candy striper who volunteered after school had told him, “Dude grow a pair and just tell her.”

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What it’s like to be autistic

I posted this on reddit in reply to someone asking about what it’s like to be on the spectrum. It ended up being really long so I thought I’d repost it here just for sharing’s sake. Slightly edited for formatting, but otherwise untouched.  Also if this actually ends up getting reblogged, this post is SFW but be warned that my Tumblr is often NSFW and I don’t tag shit, so remember that if you get curious and look at other posts.

As always, individual experiences will vary, and no two autistic people have the same life experiences or symptom expression. These are my own.

— (begin post) —

Different person here, but still on the spectrum (aspergers).

For me, in description rather than just declaration of the actual diagnosis, it’s many things.

It’s having no social intuition and relying on consciously analyzing social situations in order to navigate them. Constantly being unsure if you’re saying the right thing, or if you understood what the other person was saying if they were being figurative. Having extreme issues telling the difference between what’s literal and what’s a joke. Accidentally offending people by saying something you thought there was nothing wrong with, but was actually a major social faux pas. Rarely having the right words to say when you’re supposed to be speaking, and always having too much to say about things that it is obvious that nobody else seems to care about. Also, it is difficult to learn and understand and continually interpret appropriately when you’re socially expected to be dishonest. Until countless bad experiences broke me of it, I assumed the average person was far more honest than they actually were - it took until my early 20s (I’m 25 now) to start to clue in to the fact that neurotypicals lie constantly, and that not only is this normal, it’s expected. I had always been someone who overshared and avoided mistruths (it’s often said that aspies actively seek and expect truths and facts), and it took a conscious effort to break myself of this social incongruity. I still overshare more than a normal person, to a great degree.

It’s being unable to natively read body language. Imagine that you went to Mexico with Spanish as a second language, and only started to learn Spanish as an adult. Maybe you even got pretty good at Spanish, but yours is still not perfect. It’s not natural to you, it always seems to take a second longer for you to “get it” compared to native speakers, and many things which are commonplace conversation to any native speaker always seem to get lost on you, no matter how many times you hear it. You’ll always be missing something. For me, it’s quite like that with body language - it’s artificial and disconnected, it doesn’t come naturally, and it’s an intentional effort to really try to both convey yourself in a socially expected fashion and an active attempt to understand others’ body language beyond the most basic of examples. Body language feels like a second language to me.

It’s having difficulties processing and tolerating environmental stimulation and sensory input (especially sound, in my case). Some things that don’t bother anyone else will bother the fuck out of me, especially particularly strong or strange bad smells, or overstimulating lights or color patterns, or extremely loud but varied noise (loud consistent noise doesn’t bother me, but if it’s varied it drives me insane - this is part of why crowds are awful), or particularly unusual textures and tastes (I’m the pickiest eater I know because I get extremely strong negative reactions to bad textures and tastes in my mouth, to the point where I will gag if I try to force myself to eat something that’s very unpleasant). Touch can be pretty bad too - “weird” feeling objects, especially slimy/wet/cold things, feel incredibly awkward and unpleasant to touch or be in contact with most of the time (this is probably why I waste way too much water doing the dishes, in addition to my perfectionist nature and germophobia/aversion to uncleanliness).

Processing sound can be especially difficult - I am not hard of hearing, but I genuinely thought that I was before I learned of my condition. I can hear extremely quiet things just fine, but I have great difficulty discerning details when there are many noises in contest, which leads to me having to ask people to repeat themselves constantly in mixed (and especially noisy) environments.

Eye contact. Important enough that it deserves its own subheading separate from body language. Simply put, it doesn’t come naturally. I will often have entire conversations with people without ever looking at them, and unless I am consciously forcing myself to make eye contact, if I ever speak about something at length I will inevitably avert my eyes in some random direction without ever thinking about why I’m doing so, or even noticing that I’ve done so. Further, direct eye contact induces a lot of anxiety, stress, and unpleasantness - particularly with people that I am unfamiliar with or not on friendly terms with, eye contact can be downright painful.

Speaking of anxiety, social anxiety is very often comorbid with the autism spectrum. And it’s awful. It’s terrifying to interact with new people with no preexisting social context, and still kind of scary when there is a social context. I get tremors when I have to make phone calls or write important emails, I tap my feet and pace around with my phone in hand like an idiot walking aimlessly. I briefly worked as a cashier at a dollar store, and quit very quickly because I was having panic attacks and nearly vomiting just from having to make constant direct social interactions with a steady flow of strangers with a performance expectation (handling money accurately while being watched). And it’s more than just communication - this sounds silly, but I literally cannot dance in front of other people - like, in private it looks silly but I can *technically* do it, but in front of other people, I will freeze up and be unable to do anything if I try, as if I am paralyzed or frozen in place, minus nervous fidgeting or twitching. And in general SA is so pronounced that it could have its own entire post dedicated to it.

On the note of OCD that you asked, there exists some small overlap sometimes, and I definitely experience on a mild level the neurotic paranoia and compulsive feelings that are commonly associated with it, but I would not say that I have OCD, just some symptom overlap.

And there’s so much more to it (this is probably ~half? of the things? ish?), but I’m getting to an awfully long post already (far longer than I expected to end up writing), and I’d rather not make people read even more wall of text. I hope this helps feed your curiosity.

— (end post) —

I probably should have rewritten this for tumblr, but I didn’t want to put in the effort to reassemble it. I think it mostly stands up without major changes anyway. Just wanted to share.

-Zach

Voltron Fandom Rant( long)

The Voltron Fandom. A fandom that in just a little more than a year, has become a heaping cesspool of hate, one of the shittiest and most vile fandoms, leaving other past problematic fandoms like Homestuck, Steven Universe, and Undertale in the dust (at this rate). Full of people yelling and screaming the words “pedophiles!”, telling others to harm or kill themselves, just constant back and forth bickering. And all over one thing, something that isnt even an important factor of the show, barely 5%. Shipping.

Every fandom has their ship wars, but nothing like this. In all the years I’ve been in fandoms, I’ve never seen anything as terrible as this. When you meet other Voltron fans outside the internet, you honestly dont know if they are gonna like you or judge you completely, cause you might ship something they hate. So far, being in the cosplay fandom, I’ve met mostly really chill and nice fans, luckily not running into one anti.

Just the other day, we got confirmed ages of the characters, something I thought from the creators we weren’t going to ever get. And tbh, I wish we didnt.

As much as I’m happy for the Keith x Shiro fans with Keith being confirmed 18 (tho some antis are finding ways around that to still claim its illegal or some shit), what about the others? Especially the Shidge fans. The Shidge fans now, from what I’ve been confronted with, are distraught, terrified, nervous, and we barely are getting consolation or support from the Sheith (Shance and Shunk too) fans that we supported against the antis. And I think thats a shame. Our ship is as valid, as according to the creators, even if Pidge is 15. As I’ve claimed several times before, look at ErenxLevi, and how much that ship is popular with twice an age gap. And even if the age gap makes you uncomfortable, you can always ship it in timeskip, AU, or aging up terms. Thats completely fine and okay, because they are fictional and not real.

I don’t care for Sheith, but I will stick up for any Sheith fan against the antis anyday. Because thats what we do, we stick up for each other even if we don’t like the ship..

I wish they never released the ages. Imo the only good thing that came out of those leaked pages was Pidge being Italian.

Anyway, moving away from that, you antis. I…don’t know even where to start with you bastards, You ARE the ones who have made this fandom such a vile and disgusting place, you ARE the ones who make people scared and bully those who don’t agree with you, you ARE the GALRA. You THINK you are protecting minors, throwing “FICTION AFFECTS REALITY” in every argument, think you trying to make everything your “SAFE SPACE”, but you are just bullies. That’s literally all you all are, bullies. Not just other fans, but you harass the cast and crew too. And if they don’t agree with you or had enough of your bullshit (@bext-k, you are amazing, I’m so sorry about the shit you get), they are your enemy too. The actually people that bring the thing to life that you CARE ABOUT SO MUCH OVER ANYTHING ELSE.

Voltron is a cartoon. That’s literally all it is. A FUCKING CARTOON. A cartoon by Dreamworks, based on the 80s dubbed Japanese anime, that was dubbed from 80s Golion. The fact you guys are wasting so much stress and energy, on this cartoon..it baffles me. It really and truly, does. There is just, so much more in life right now we should be wasting our energy on. There are countries out there, that which if they could right now, would bomb and destroy us all in war. Then…would all this stressing out over discourse still be on your mind? Or would you rather be focusing on saving your own life and your family?

Fandoms are supposed to be enjoyable, supposed to be a haven where you can happily share and talk to others that share the same love of something you do…but not like this. This isn’t fun. You shouldn’t be scared or be sad in a fandom over other fans treating you horribly and making you feel bad over something in the fandom that brings you joy. Shaladin shippers, ARENT PEDOPHILES. Sheith, Shidge, Shance, ALL OF THEM. ALL SHIPS ARE VALID, AS CLAIMED BY DIRECTORS LAUREN MONTGOMERY AND JAOQUIM DOS SANTOS.

Let this discourse end. Its going nowhere. But what am I, just one person in this crazy fandom. Maybe things will calm down as the show progresses, maybe another thing will come along that the antis will jump onto. But I just had to get this off my chest.

I won’t be leaving the fandom, since theres so many amazing people outnumbering the shitty ones, but just know, dont be scared. Dont feel you are a bad person for what you ship. You aren’t. And if you need anyone to talk to, come to me. This blog is a Shaladin safe place.

Sorry for the long post, but if you read this to the end, thank you for your time. And any antis that want to comment on this…go ahead. Just know your hate will get you no where.

What a Tease Part 4

Original gifs have unknown source but I added the filters to them. The second one is of Joe Cole from his role in skins. I felt like purple fit the vibes of this fic.

John Shelby x Reader

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 5 

Prompt: John takes you back to his house.

~warnings: swearing and lots of smut oops not oops~

A/N: This was the first time I have ever written smut so tell me if I took it too far please. I tried to make it as cute as possible and avoided using any harsh words for body parts. Also, yes this is a pretty long fic so, sorry it took so long. I had a hard time getting the hang of this smut writing stuff. There will be a part five to this and that will probably be it but who knows. At this point I am just going with the flow. The next thing I post will either be the Part 2 to Breathe, You’re Safe or the part 5 to this. If you have a preference let me know! Send me feedback on this please!!


Darkness enveloped you both, as you walked huddled close to his body. The streets were mostly still with an occasional shady character walking by every few minutes or so. The hum of factories sounded in the background muddled by distance.

You normally would’ve been scared to make this walk but John’s confident stride gave you comfort. He rambled on and on about his kids and family and what he was hoping to do with all the money from the business. He still had a youthful optimism to him but there was still something dark that hung over him and seemed to heavy his heart.

“…I’ll be set. Nothin’ to worry about, just acres of land and a nice big house. Lots of fuckin’ land for the kids to run around in, time for me to be able to take care of them properly, a little piece of Heaven. White picket fence and the whole lot.” You couldn’t help but linger on his every word, wanting so badly to know everything about him. You giggled slightly at his perfect idealized world.

“What?” He questioned while responding to your laughter with some of his own, pulling away from your body slightly so he could look down at your face.

“It’s nothing.” You say still letting out tiny giggles and then leaving a few seconds of silence. “I just… I didn’t imagine big bad John Shelby dreaming of a future with green hills, flowers, sunshine and rainbows.” You say in a slightly joking manner hitting your hip into his body playfully nudging him.

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Warm Me Up Ch. 31

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index

He couldn’t stop pacing.  His psychiatrist kept her eyes steady on him, following him and waiting patiently for him to speak. Finally, he turned to her and sighed. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I… I’m terrified. I shouldn’t be terrified.” He crossed his arms and groaned. “I can’t stop shaking. I thought this was supposed to stop.”

His psychiatrist hummed and checked her board. “You’ve been taking Zoloft for… two months, right?” Nico nodded. “Like I said, we have to move up slowly. It’s not regulating you yet, so I’m going to go ahead and increase the dose, okay?” Nico grit his teeth as she scribbled on a clipboard. Then she looked up and smiled. “Now, about this date. Was he nervous when he asked?” Nico shrugged and nodded. “Do you think he might feel just as scared as you at this point?”

“No,” he said immediately. “Will… he’s so put together. He’s stronger. Maybe he’s nervous but… I’m so scared, I get nauseous. And I don’t know why.”

She leaned forward and interlocked her hands, her eyes never leaving Nico’s. It was slightly disturbing the way she would look him in the eyes so consistently when Nico could barely hold her gaze for more than five seconds. “You mentioned before that the reason you stayed friends was because he said he couldn’t trust you. Right?” Nico nodded. “Do you trust yourself?”

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What A Feeling #3 - New York, New York

Originally posted by actingharold

#2 

*Mid-End of July 2017

You had been in New York for a few days with your friend Harry Styles. You two were alone in his apartment watching a movie and sharing a bowl of popcorn. Harry kept looking over at you and all he could think about was kissing you. He told his friends and family that you two were just friends and nothing more, but he mostly telling them as a reminder to himself.

“Is there something on my face?”  You asked randomly.

“What? No, why?” He asked.

“I don’t know, you just keep staring at me, so I thought maybe I had popcorn on my face or something,” you said.

Harry blushed. “You noticed?”

“I did,” you laughed.

“S-sorry,” he said.

“It’s okay,” you smiled. “Want some popcorn? I’m kinda hogging it all.”

He laughed. “Yeah,” he said getting a handful of popcorn and putting it in his mouth.

A few minutes pass by as you both are watching the movie. You look out of the corner of your eye and see Harry’s gaze remaining solely on the movie. You had to admit that being there with him made it hard to just be friends with him. Especially since he walked around shirtless most of the day. You shook your head to clear your thoughts when you got an idea.

You waited a bit before you put your plan into action. You grabbed a few kernels of popcorn and threw them at him hitting him right in the face.

“What the fuck?” He laughed looking over at you. “What was that for?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said innocently.

“Oh, so it’s going to be like that then?” He laughed grabbing some popcorn and throwing it at you.

“Hey!” You laughed throwing more at him.

Pretty soon what was left in the bowl was now scattered all over the couch and room. Since he ran out of popcorn, Harry took it to a different level. He brought his hands to your side and started tickling you.

“Ah! Stop it,” you laughed trying to get away.

“You started it,” he smirked hovering over you.

“I threw popcorn, I didn’t tickle you,” you laughed looking up at him.

You both went silent for a bit as you stared into each other’s eyes. You don’t know how it happened, but soon Harry’s lips were on yours and your hands wrapped around his shoulders. When he realized you weren’t pulling away, he deepened the kiss and ran his hands up and down your sides.

It didn’t take long before both of your shirts were laying on the floor and his lips were making their way down your neck and chest. You were moaning his name over and over again and he was barely touching you. He smirked at the thought of what would happen once he really touched you.

“Harry!” You shouted. “Hello, Harry!” You laughed shaking his arm, which confused him.

Harry’s eyes widen as he woke up on the couch. He looked around and saw you sitting there, fully clothed with the bowl of popcorn in your lap. The movie was still on and it was then he realized he had fallen asleep and dreamed the entire thing.

“About time you woke up,” you laughed. “You were mumbling something and snoring. I couldn’t hear the movie.”

“S-Sorry,” he blushed. “You didn’t… You didn’t hear anything did you?”

“Besides you snoring?” You asked. “Nope.”

“Sorry for falling asleep,” he said. “I’m not a really good host am I?”

“Eh, you’re alright,” you joked.

“Hey! I take offense to that,” he laughed.

“You asked,” you smirked.

He shook his head laughing. “I know we’ve been eating popcorn for like the last hour, but I could use actual dinner. What do you say?”

“I could go for food,” you nodded.

“Do you want to go out or order in?” He asked.

“I don’t mind going out,” you said. “Just let me change really quick.”

“Okay, sounds good,” he said.

You smiled getting off the couch and walking into your room. You picked out something out and started undressing when you heard a knock on the door.

“Hey, Y/N, uh, I just talked to Jeff and Glenne and they wanted to know if we’d want to meet them at this club after dinner,” he said through the door.

You opened the door holding your shirt over yourself. “Um, sure I don’t mind,” you smiled.

“Are you s-sure?” Harry asked trying to keep his eyes up when he realized you weren’t wearing the shirt in your hands.

“Yeah, it could be fun,” you smiled.

“Okay, great, I’ll let them know,” he said.

You smiled and nodded before closing the door. Looks like you were going to find something else to wear for the night.

**

You arrived at the restaurant with Harry and they seated you two at a private table towards the back of the restaurant. It was a booth, so you two were seated quite close to one another. Even though this wasn’t labeled a date, Harry could’t help but imagine if it was a date. Would you have said yes? Would he be able to hold your hand and would you let him kiss you?

Being around you was weird for Harry. He never had problems talking to girls or flirting with anyone he liked or didn’t like in that manner, but whenever he was around you he was beyond nervous because he didn’t know how to act.

“So, what are you going to get?” you asked looking at the menu.

“Probably just a burger,” he said shrugging. “What about you?”

“I’m thinking pasta and a salad,” you said.

“Sounds good,” he smiled.

The waitress walked over and took your orders before leaving you two to yourselves.

“Are you enjoying your trip so far?” Harry asked.

“Yeah,” you smiled. “Thank you for inviting me.” 

“Anytime,” he smiled. “What does your schedule look like after this?” 

“Um, I’ll be back in LA for a bit to rehearse for upcoming appearances in the next few weeks and for the VMA’s,” you said. “What about you? I know you have a big tour coming up.” 

“Yeah, I do,” he smiled. “I’ll be going back to London soon to rehearse with my band and get everything finalized for the tour.” 

“Are you excited?” You asked. 

“I can’t wait. I’ve missed touring, even though it’s exhausting and we literally toured for like five years straight, I’ve rested enough and I’m ready to get back out there,” he said taking a sip of his water. 

“Touring and writing are my two favorite aspects of our “career”,” you nodded. 

“Mine too,” he smiled. “I’ve always loved performing even when I was little.” 

“I’d love to see any videos or pictures of that,” you giggled. 

“Oh no, those are in the vault and never coming out,” he laughed shaking his head. 

“Oh come on, I bet you were cute,” you laughed. “And I’m sure Anne would show me if I asked her.” 

“You two did seem to hit it off,” he smiled. 

“She’s really great,” you nodded. “She reminded me of my Mom.” 

“Maybe we should introduce them. They could become best friends,” he joked. 

“She’d loved that honestly,” you said. “I mean she has a great group of friends, but when my brother and I got our break into the industry, none of her close friends really knew what it was like to have their kids traveling around the world and being away from home. They all told her it was no different than if we were off to college or something, but it was different. It was totally different because hello, I was sixteen and my brother was seventeen. She’d love having a friend that know what it was like.” 

“Yeah, me leaving when I did was hard for my Mum too. Especially since my sister went away to school within the same year,” he said.

“Do you ever regret getting into the industry so early in life?” you asked. 

“Yes and no,” he said. “I love getting to do something I love to do and I get to meet all these different people and travel the world, but sometimes it did get a bit overwhelming being that young and I did miss getting to do certain things with my friends. The thing is though, I had not went to that audition back then, I probably would be where I am today.” 

“As in with me or in general?” You joked. 

“Both,” he laughed looking at you. 

You laughed as you looked over at him and before either one of you could say anything your food was placed onto the table. 

**

You and Harry had arrived to the club where you would meeting with Jeff and Glenne as well as some other friends of Harry’s. Harry helped you out of the car and walked beside you with his hand on your lower back as you walked through the crowd. 

“Do you want something to drink?” Harry asked leaning against your ear. 

You felt yourself shudder a bit when you felt how close he was. 

“Yeah, sure,” you said. “Do you want me to go with you?” 

“Oh, no I’ll be okay, they’re right up there  if you want to go meet them,” he said pointing to a little section of the club. 

“Okay,” you smiled before walking towards the area. 

However, you got stopped by someone. 

“Oh wow, you’re Y/N right?” The guy standing in front of you asked. 

“Yeah, I am, Hi,” you smiled. 

“I’m a huge fan!” He said. “Do you think I could get a picture?” 

“Sure, I don’t know if it’s good lighting it in here though,” you said. 

“Oh, I don’t mind,” he smiled. 

You smiled wrapping your arm around him as you two got closer for the picture. After the guy snapped a few photos, he hugged you and you smiled. 

“I can’t believe I met you,” he said. “Thanks again for the photos.” 

“You’re welcome, but if you could just, if you plan on posting them, could you wait a few days or so?” You asked. 

“Sure thing,” he said. “I hope I didn’t bother you.”

“Not at all,” you smiled. “Enjoy the rest of your night.” 

“You too, Y/N,” he smiled giving you one last hug before walking away. 

During this entire exchange, Harry had been watching from afar. His hands were gripping onto the bar and he was getting a bit annoyed. He was jealous and usually he’s not the jealous type, but in this instance it was more because the guy was practically all over you and he was right where Harry wanted to be. 

After he got your drinks, he tried to calm down with everything. He was sure that guy was just a fan and say hello and he had left by now. When he got up to the booth, you were already chatting away with Glenne and Alexa. He smiled a bit at the thought of how well you got on with his close friends and his Mum. 

“Oh there you are,” you smiled. “I was starting to get worried.” 

“Yeah, there was a bit of a line,” he said sitting next to you. 

“Thanks,” you smiled taking the drink from him. 

“You’re welcome,” he smiled. 

After a few minutes of small talk, you all went out onto the dance floor and started dancing around as a group. As the night went on, you and Harry had a few drinks and what started as dancing as a group with lost a space in-between, you two had somehow moved closer to where it was just you two dancing. His arms were around your waist and yours were around his shoulders. 

The entire night as you were dancing, you wanted nothing more than for him to kiss you, but he never did. 

**

The next day was interesting because even though you and Harry had a few drinks running through your veins, you still remembered what happened last night and what didn’t happen. 

It was raining outside all day, so you all decided to stay in the apartment and just have a lazy day inside. You were wearing some yoga shorts and a hoodie with your hair up in a bun. Harry was wearing some athletic shorts and a white t-shirt. You and Harry were sitting next to each other as you all played a few games of scrabble. 

A little while later, Jeff decided to play a new game. 

“Okay, so basically this game is like truth or dare, but with a twist,” he smirked. 

“What are we twelve?” Harry laughed rolling his eyes. 

“Shut up, it’s a good one,” he said. 

“It could be fun, Harry,” Anne smiled. 

“Okay, okay, what is it?” Harry said. 

“Well, we have cards for truths and cards for dares. If you choose truth, you pick up a truth card and answer the question or if you chose dare, you pick up a dare card and do whatever the dare says,” he stated. 

“And if we don’t want to either?” Harry asked. 

“Then you’re just a poor fucking sport,” he smirked. 

He rolled eyes eyes. “Okay, let’s get on with it.” 

You all went around in a circle starting with Anne, who had to do the chicken dance for a minute straight, then it went to Jeff, who had to answer a question about his first kiss, next it was Glenne, who had to answer a question regarding if she’s ever gone streaking. 

After Glenne it was Harry’s turn and he decided to pick a dare card. Jeff smirked picking up the card on top of the stack and looked over at Harry. 

“Your dare is to kiss the next person on your left,” Jeff said staring right at Harry. 

He immediately blushed and sat up. “It doesn’t say that!” Harry said. 

“Yes, it does,” Jeff said. 

“It’s okay,” you laughed. “If you’re worried about it, it’s a game right?” 

Harry looked over at you. “Yeah, it’s just a game,” he said. “Are you sure though about the kiss?” 

“Yes,” you smiled. “We wouldn’t want you to lose the game would we?” 

This was not how Harry imagined his first kiss with you. In front of his friends and his Mum all thanks to a stupid ass dare game. But this was it, if he didn’t kiss you, you might think that he doesn’t want to kiss you, but if he did kiss you, would he be able to pull away fast enough to not make it obvious that he had feelings for you? 

Well, he was about to find out. 

You turned to face Harry and were waiting for him to kiss you. You were nervous and wondering if anyone noticed. Harry faced you and leaned in towards you. His lips finally met with yours and while it only lasted a few seconds, it confirmed there was definitely a connection between the two of you. 

Harry made sure to pull away from the kiss quickly because he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to stop if he made it last any longer. Everything he had been feeling towards you these past few weeks, the longing, the want, the need, the butterflies were awaken even more at the touch of your lips. Now, he knew it was going to be even harder trying to hide his feelings for you. 

**

After the kiss, the game didn’t last all that much longer. You weren’t sure if it was because there was a bit of awkward tension in the air or what. It had stopped raining for a bit, so Glenne, yourself, and Anne decided to go and grab some coffee at the small cafe right next door to the apartment complex, leaving Harry and Jeff to themselves. 

“What the hell was that game about?” Harry said. 

“What? It was fun,” Jeff smirked picking up the cards from the table. 

“Is that what you called that?” Harry mumbled. “Wait a minute, this is the card that was for my turn, wasn’t it?” Harry said picking up the card for the table. 

But it didn’t say anything about kissing, it said something stupid like talking in weird voice for the rest of the game. 

“You made up that fucking dare didn’t you?” Harry asked. 

“Yeah, I did, but I did it for you,” Jeff said. “It’s obvious that you both have feelings for each other, but you’re both too stubborn to act on them. So, I thought maybe if you two actually let yourself have a little bit of a physical moment together, you’d realize that you need to grow some balls and ask her out already.” 

“If and when I decide to ever ask Y/N out on a date is my decision and whenever I’m ready. I don’t need you trying to force me into a relationship,” Harry said annoyed. 

“I’m not trying to force you into anything. It’s just I’ve known you for a while now and I’ve never seen you like this around anyone before. I don’t want you to possibly miss out on something this great,” he said. 

“Have you and my mother been talking?” He mumbled. 

“A little yes,” he said. “But only because we care about you.” 

Harry sighed sitting onto the couch. “What if she says no? What if she only sees me as a friend?” 

“But what if she doesn’t?” Jeff said. “It’s your life and it’s ultimately your decision, but wouldn’t it just be better to get the what if’s out of the way?” 

Harry sighed running his hand over his face. Maybe Jeff and his Mum had been right. Maybe it was time for him to figure out what was going on between the two of you, he just hoped he didn’t later regret the finding out. 

Waiting- Sherlock x reader

Originally posted by silent-micka

This is one of the longest one shots ever. i hope you enjoy!

_______________________

Five Hours

It’s been five hours, and Sherlock Holmes couldn’t keep still. He couldn’t quite fathom how men can just sit around and pray for the best while their significant other is giving birth. Anything could happen in there, she could–
Sherlock closes his eyes, trying not to think of anything that could potentially set him off. He takes a breath and starts pacing again. The only thing that calmed him slightly is the fact that a doctor came out with a few broken fingers, apparently she held onto his hand a little too tightly.
“Maybe it would be better if you sit down Sherlock.” John says, trying to get his best friend to calm down. He knows what it’s like to feel this way, he was in his place not too long ago with Mary. “I’m Fine.” Sherlock quips, not bothering to even glance John’s way, in his nervous state the man would snap at air if it passed by too harshly.
“She’s going to be fine Dear.” Mrs. Hudson says, smiling kindly at him. “I’m afraid it’ll be no use trying to reassure him Mrs. Hudson, he wouldn’t  sit until it’s over.” Mycroft comments, looking up from his cell phone to stare at his brother, who so far hadn’t even acknowledge them being there.
Everyone had come by when they got the news, Molly was here a moment ago, but she had to get back to work. Mary’s busy with Rosie and couldn’t come, but she’s been phoning every hour to keep posted. Lestrade stood, leaning against the wall, nervously biting his fingernails. Sherlock could imagine how wrecked the man must be feeling, that is his niece, who’s giving birth to his child, things can go both ways.
Sherlock sits down, tapping his foot against the floor, and decides to block out his nerves and reminiscence.

Nine months ago.

It was early, really early. The sun was coming over the skyline, and Sherlock was stepping back into 221B. He had just finished a tough case, he left Y/n asleep and hoped that his coming back didn’t wake her. He walks into his flat, the only light coming from the rising sun, he walks quietly to his room only to find the bed empty and the sheets askew. “Y/n?” he calls, slightly panicked at the thought that something may have happened while he was out.
“Yeah?” her muffled reply comes from the closed bathroom door,
she sounded odd, her voice was quieter than normal, and Sherlock could hear the tremble behind it. “Are you alright?” he knocks lightly on the door, moving back when the toilet flushes and the door opens, “Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” she mutters, waving him off. She had just woken up Sherlock notices, her hair was a matted mess and she was still pretty much asleep. So Sherlock guides her back into the bedroom, chuckling when she plants face first into the mattress.
Hours later, Sherlock woke up to yet again an empty bed and Y/n’s hushed voice coming from the living room. He slowly tumbles out of bed, following the sound of her voice, she stood by the window, her back to him and her phone pressed to her ear.
“No. I’m freaking out here. Mary, what am I supposed to do about this now?” The h/c girl questions, she goes silent as Mary replies and groans, running a hand through her hair, “Mary. I need help with this.”
“Need help with what?”
Y/n jumps, spinning around to face her boyfriend who was standing at the door, eyeing her curiously looking half asleep. “Oh. We need milk.” she lies, hoping that in his sleepy state he wouldn’t see through it. She turns again, speaking into her phone, “Mary, I’ll call you back.” before tossing the thing carelessly to the chair. Sherlock shrugs, the lie not registering in his mind, his brain still foggy with sleep. “I’ll go get some.” She says quickly, grabbing her phone from the chair, and her coat. Kissing Sherlock’s cheek, “Back in a bit.” Sherlock pouts at the girl’s retreating form before walking to the kitchen and opening the refrigerator. A full carton of milk was staring back at him, they have milk, why lie to get out?
What is she hiding?
                        ________

“Y/n?”
“Hmm?”
The girl sat in Sherlock’s arm chair, her back against the left arm and her legs over the right. A plate of Ginger nut cookies balanced on her stomach and a glass of milk on the ground. What puzzled the detective, is the fact that she doesn’t eat Ginger nut cookies, she doesn’t like them. “You’re eating Ginger nut,” he states, turning to face her from where he stood by the window. She looks at the half eaten cookie in her hand and then to him, “Yeah.. And?”
Sherlock raises his eyebrow, “You don’t.” Y/n smiles lightly, shrugging her shoulders, “I don’t know, I just felt like eating them, they’re not quite bad actually.” She says. Sherlock looks at her for a moment, brushing it off as one of her cravings, she usually has them when she’s on her monthlies. But, even then. It’s never Ginger nut.
                        _______

Y/n sits in the bathroom, clutching the pregnancy test in her hand. She had taken it again, just to be sure, even though all the signs are there, she wanted to be absolutely positive before she blurts it out to Sherlock. “I’m going to tell him tonight, But I want to ease it in first. Don’t wanna startle him.” she says into the phone, hearing Mary’s laugh she smiles, “He’d be startled either way. I’m surprised he hasn’t figured it out yet.” Honestly, Mary is the best person to talk to about this, she is a mother and she had been through this before, so no better person to tell. She told John as well, and he informed her on what to eat and what not to eat, and all other important stuff she should take note of.
“You know he can’t read me that well, it’s a blessing really.” She chuckles, placing the test on the edge of the sink. Leaving the bathroom and into the quiet flat, Sherlock went to the Yard to talk to Greg about something or another. And Y/n took that as a great opportunity to get things done, and one of those things: Home cooked meal.
Something she’s sure Sherlock hasn’t had in a good while. Because one, the little shit says that digestion slows him down and refuses to eat days at a time. Sometimes I could just strangle that man. Y/n thinks, setting up the dining table, nothing like home cooked pasta right?
Sherlock steps through the door, sighing heavily, and Y/n smiles at him, “Was it that bad?”
“Yes. Mr. Summers died of a poison that his wife administrated by putting it in his tea….” Sherlock trails of, watching the girl walk back and forth between the kitchen and the living room. “You cooked.” he states, So that’s what I smelled.
Y/n smiles at him, standing by the table, “Yup,”
After eating, Sherlock and Y/n were sitting on the couch, watching the telly, everything was fine, until Sherlock decided he wanted to use the bathroom.
Oh Gosh! I left the test there!
Before Y/n could begin to panic Sherlock was already up and closing the bathroom door. Well there goes easing it in.
Sherlock comes back out almost immediately, staring at her wide-eyed, not only looking at her confused but he also looks scared.
“I didn’t notice….” he mumbles while Y/n chuckles nervously, wringing the end of her jumper in her hand, “That you’re..” Sherlock trails off, going through all the things he noticed but refused to acknowledge. “Oh.”
“I was going to tell you… eventually.” Y/n says as Sherlock slowly walk to her, sitting down slowly as of he was in a daze. He blinks rapidly before turning to face her, “I am… going to be a father?”
“Yes.”
Sherlock was scared, okay, that was an understatement. The man was down right terrified, What is he supposed to do? What do they do? Because this is his responsibility as much as hers. One, Sherlock doesn’t think he could do this. Two, Lestrade is going to kill him, and he’d have his spirit solving his murder.
But on top of all of that, he is happy, actually, really excited. He’s going to be a father.
Y/n looks at Sherlock as he just stares blankly at the floor, “Sherlock.”
I knew he’d be shocked, I didn’t think his brain would shut down on him.
“Hey. You in there?” Y/n calls, Sherlock blinks again before looking at her, his eyes calm now. “I’m alright….” he pulls her into a hug without another word, and Y/n breathes in his familiar scent of mint and nicotine. “Are you sure you want this? It’s fine if you don’t.” She mumbles against his neck, and he pulls away, looking at her, his dark eyebrows furrowed.
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because you’re Sherlock Holmes and you don’t know how to deal with this.” She whispers and Sherlock smiles slightly, “I’m willing to try.”

                        _______

It’s been Nine months, and Y/n is expecting her baby soon, and she was spending the night with Mary. John and Sherlock were out on a case, and it left the girls time to catch up.
Mary had just left to see about Rosie and Y/n was in the kitchen, making tea when it happened. A clench in her stomach and liquid running down her legs.
“Oh God. Mary!”
                     
                    _______

“Don’t worry, they’ll both be fine.” John reassures, putting a hand on Sherlock’s shoulder. As he continues to tap his foot, Mycroft purses his lips at his brother, about to say something when a nurse walks over to them. “Um, Sherlock Holmes?” she calls and Sherlock stands, the nurse smiles at him, “Congratulations, Mr. Holmes, it’s a boy.”
He follows the nurse down the hall, Mycroft a few steps behind. “She’ll be resting now,” the nurse says, stopping in front of a door, opening it. Sherlock walks in, Y/n was in fact sleeping, The nurse leaves them to it. Mycroft stands by the door and quietly clears his throat, handing Sherlock a medium sized box he didn’t even notice he had. Chocolates, he presumes, since Y/n likes them so much.
“Congratulations little brother, I’ll be in touch.” Mycroft says, smiling at Sherlock, “As always brother dear.” Sherlock replies, Mycroft smiles again, turning on his heel to leave, “Do give my love to Y/n when she wakes.” he says over his shoulder.
Greg comes up the hall, telling Sherlock that he has an emergency at the Yard that he needs to attend to immediately, and to call him when Y/n wakes up. Sherlock closes the door behind him, walking to the visitor chair, sitting down. After placing the box of chocolates down, he takes her hand in his. Looking at her sleeping face, ever so peaceful, despite the pain she went through. Curiously, Sherlock picks up the box of chocolates again, opting to take a peak, just to see if Mycroft brought her favorite.
“Don’t you dare eat that. I’ll castrate you.” A quiet voice warns, Y/N was looking at him through one eye, and Sherlock smiles. “Always a threat love.” he chuckles. She smiles tiredly, her thumb running over his knuckles. “Only because I want to kill you. I am never doing that again.” she laughs, a small knock on the door and the nurse that lead Sherlock to the room comes in with a small bundle in her arms. She smiles, carefully handing the baby to his mother, “I feel like I have to say congratulations every time, he’s adorable.” the nurse gushes, smiling again.
Y/n chuckles, looking down at her son wrapped up in soft blue blankets. The nurse quietly leaves, and Sherlock smiles, “He’s perfect.” he says tearfully, “I’m going to name him William, after his father.” Y/n says, smiling at Sherlock and he smiles back, gently squeezing her hand in his.
By the door, John smiles, there’s only a few times he’s gotten to see Sherlock genuinely happy. But, this is way pass the word.

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