i am emotionally drained from making these

anonymous asked:

Hi, 7goodangel. I am here to ask you about PaperJam as a shy, smol and innocent being (mainly thegreatrouge made him be). There has been some conflicts regarding his trait. Some said his canonical personality is a jerk, like what you wrote in his bio / info and some said that is severely wrong and being shy, (which made him shipped with Fresh), is his canonical personality. What are your thoughts about this? I mean, it is your character and people are taking control of it. Don't you disagree?

Well… I have talked to people and seen public conversations and this has happened several times to me over months. I guess I’ve gotten a little numb to it now… or maybe it’s due to school that I haven’t given it the attention that it deserves. Probably due to school. 

I just can’t update constantly like others - even though some others in school were and are able to update constantly. I can’t keep going around and holding up my bio of PJ and police people. It’s exhausting to me… it really takes up the small bit of free time I have. 

I think after I get a solid job that I’ll be able to go around better… but anyway - back to your question. 


While I love seeing interpretations and do not want people to be limited by something and have their imaginations go forth… it’s proving that a huge con comes with that mentality - which you have pointed out. A lot of people swear that PJ is the cute, innocent interpretation that really, did get PJ popular in the first place. While I did have him as a jerk from the beginning - I kinda kept that info to my RP blog - so you could say it is my fault this is all happening and I do think that. I could of done something to make it not as bad as it is now… 

It’s just like the NSFW stuff… people just assume the first thing and run with it. And it really does make me feel like I really am not needed for my own character at points. 

It’s a struggle - I don’t want to have people stop interpreting PJ within AUs… but I also don’t want people to just see him as an innocent child to ship with Fresh. 

And I’m still trying to find the best solution to it. 

But… I feel like the damage is already done. It’s too late for me to talk to all of these people going around swearing on their life that PJ is canoncally like Rouge’s interpretation/AUs. It feels like an hopeless battle to me. 

And I guess I needed someone to ask me this question so then I can fully say my thoughts on this. 

So in short, while I love creativity and don’t want to snuff it out (considering some people would probably think I’m doing that already with saying “No Sin”), I still don’t like it. It irritates me, irks me, frustrates me, and I feel like even as the person who thought of PJ in the first place, my voice isn’t enough. Communities seem like they don’t care about artists unless they reach a ‘certain goal of popularity’ or seem like they have a more professional style of art. I know I do not reach either of those titles. 

People misspell my username all the time - I actually claimed ‘7goodangle’ on tumblr for that reason.

People still say “I’m too lazy to find who made PJ” when they clearly mentioned they looked at the bio on the wiki. 

People still go around arguing others on the canon ship of OmniPJ and swearing that FreshPaper is the true canon ship, when all people are pointing out is that they need to keep the canon ship in mind when going around with information.

Even just basic personality traits… and these things are happening on sites that I do not nor want an account for. 

I still want others to have fun - to be happy; but I don’t know… I guess I’m cutting out my own happiness to get everyone else happy? I want to eventually write a version of PJ within his own universe and story… and he is more like the version I created within the UT verse. Not exact - but close. Though who knows… I might shove PJ to the side and replace his role with another character. I’m still weighing options.

Cause PJ was the first character I ever put this much time and thought into… my first character that was balanced, well rounded…

And what happens?

…well.

You said it Anon. 

They took it - changed it (initially as an AU but now people think it’s canon) - and I can’t do much about it. Due to school and not much free-time… due to how many don’t know the true creator… and just back talking anyone who is just mentioning it to people who swear by it. 

As an artist and a character designer…

It makes me not want to show designs, characters, and stories ever again online.

Considering if this is how I was treated on the first one… why even take a chance at a second one? If it has brought me so much stress, frustration, and time… why even try it again?

I said I was only going to do fanart so if anyone stole it, it didn’t really matter. 
I think I should have stuck with that thought process. 

In conclusion, there are some major things to take away here. First – that yes, I do not like how it has skewed this far to the point of arguing over a fandom version with the canon. Canon is canon and I get the different AUs – this is too far. Way too far. I am emotionally drained from this – from this whole mess that I have been defending throughout majority of PJ’s lifespan. I will state this – Paper Jam is my character. He is my original character that I created more than a year ago. And the UT AU fandom took my character and warped him to something he is not and all of his original meaning is lost. I do not like to hurt others or make other sad – but I must put my foot fully down. This miscommunication needs to stop. I am tired of repeating things over and over and I have past my breaking point time and time again. I just want people to see PJ how he really is… and I wish that people could be focusing more on the reality of him instead of the alternate that they all claim as truth.

Final words: I still like Undertale – I still like creating characters and having fun – but the Undertale AU fandom is ridiculous now. The Amino UT community is insanity in an app, and there is a lot of stuff that has made many artists and creators to their breaking point and leaving the fandom entirely. Everyone in this fandom needs to take ten steps back and look at what they are doing. Go back to the game. Play it again – watch your favorite let’s player’s videos of it again. 

And just… food for thought… please don’t jump the gun on someone else’s OC’s personality and actions. 

I do not want anyone to experience what I had.

Ruthless Drag Time: Introverts

This isn’t a post railing on introverts as people, but rather a lot of frustrating aspects of introvert culture as a whole.


So first all, your militarization of introversion versus extroversion is stupid because you’re generating an out-group versus in-group and if you don’t change your tune you’re going to end up burned. Secondly, you are demeaning extroverts for not taking the same interests as you do. It is a really narrow-minded worldview for such an self-titled ‘enlightened’ people group. Finally, did I mention having the rhetoric of ‘extrovert bad/introvert good’ makes you look really stupid to pretty much everybody.

You use the flimsy excuse of “sorry for being an asshole, I need to recharge” for being an actual asshole. If I said something along the lines of “sorry for being an asshole, I just need to spend some time around other people for a little” I’d get glared at and be rightfully called out for being an asshole. I fully understand that socializing can be more draining on others than it is to myself, hence why I give most Introverts in my life plenty of space. However, over-socializing past your established boundaries doesn’t suddenly enable you to do or say whatever you want with no consequences. That’s a you problem, don’t mistreat your fellow man because you lack the knowledge of yourself.

Knock it off with the eternal self-loathing. If you wonder why no one wants to hang around you, it’s because you drive people away with ‘I am literal garbage, no one should be my friend.’ I understand mental illnesses and twisted worldviews warp your self perception, but step one of recovery is changing your self-talk. You are not literal garbage, calm down there bub.

I fully understand that making new friends is a rough, long, and emotionally draining process. Because extroverts feel the same way when trying to make new friends too. Believe or not extroverts get their hearts broken and worn out from trying to create a genuine connection. Being a human craving meaningful connections is exhausting.

“Introverts have a hard time surviving in an extrovert’s world.” For your consideration: the world is a tough place to survive regardless of your sociability. Miss me with that idea.

Books aren’t better than people. They tell gorgeous stories and create intricate characters. However, I think there is something a little disheartening when you see a person so broken by the world that only words help. Also, an extrovert can like books just as much as an introvert and maybe more than some.

“well, introverts just have an incredibly intense internal world that no one can understand from an external perspective.“

Right.

‘tis I the internally devoid extrovert who has no personal interests, drives, or desires and lacks a sense of loyalty and wisdom.

“Well, Extroverts are so fickle, there with you one moment and gone the next.” Well, if they socialize with more than one person maybe they just like socializing and would still kill a man for you if needed. Extroverts do have a developed sense of both object permanence and loyalty. Also, if you think your extrovert is abandoning you, consider actually talking to them about it instead of subliminally cutting ties.

I can’t believe I have to tell y’all this. JUST BE HONEST.

If you can’t socialize tonight because you need to recharge, don’t lie about it. Just straight up tell them that you’re exhausted and don’t have the energy to hang out. Don’t lie about, idk whatever y’all use to avoid socializing. Because chances are I get far more hurt knowing y’all would rather lie about something than just trust me with the truth. I’ll respect you for it. If some extroverts in your life don’t respect you for telling them the truth about you being exhausted, then kick ‘em to the curb. I’d prefer if you let me know ahead of time if you’re not feeling it, but I get that life happens. Just don’t lie to me about it.

Introverts don’t feel or think more than the average person only because they’re introverts. Life doesn’t work that way.

Introverts are fully capable of perpetuating bullying, abuse, and toxic worldviews.

People’s worth shouldn’t be determined by how much they do or don’t socialize. Knock it off with the Introverts are saints and infinitely more special than extroverts who are exhausting and boundary-less. It sucks to be on the receiving end of that, and it’s just a childish and unhealthy worldview to have.

So after four long, eventful, arduous, emotionally draining, soul-destroying, and challenging years at college, I am finally graduating tomorrow. In light of this achievement, now is probably the time for me to post a profound statement about the passage of time, the ephemeral nature of life, the value of academia, where the road will take me from here, or cherishing the memories that we make in college and throughout the rest of our lives.

Instead, here’s a photo of me in my #BEASTMODE pajama bottoms

Damien and the Summer of the Flowers

So I found @alcordraws  ‘s headcannon on twitter (even though i follow them on here) and got inspired so have this unedited piece of garbage. this is shit and i’m not sorry for the shittiness/feels trip also it’s super long. also sorry that it takes place in two different times and universes i didn’t know how else to do it so there’s a lot of notes to help you along. tagging @mayor-damien-protection-squad and @darkiplier-support-group because they were really cool last time i made damien/darkiplier stuff. also tagging @warfstache-support-group and @colonel-william-protection-army because they might like to see it?

Keep reading

Broduce 101 Story Time & Family Appreciation

My PD101 story isn’t too tragic. I mean, the ending is, but we’ll come to that later. I would like to thank one of my besties, @kpoppoopie (Thor), for getting me into PD101 in the first place. Without further ado, I give you my Produce 101 story.

First, it started when my friend Katy told me that there was going to be a second season for Produce 101. Now, I had heard of the first season, just never really got into it. Just before I.O.I disbanded, I had started to get into them a bit. For season 2, I was a little more excited because I actually knew trainees who were going to appear. The first person I heard of was Kim Sanggyun aka A-Tom of TOPP DOGG. And then BTL (they disbanded, bless them), HOTSHOT, JJCC. And it wasn’t until later, right before the show began to start, that I heard NUEST was going to be on. So, I knew a pretty good handful of the boys. 

At school, in my last class of the day, I was on a chromebook on YouTube. I saw that the stage for Produce 101 Season 2 “Pick Me” had been uploaded. So, with no earbuds and a completely silent class, I watched the performance with no sound. 

Later, I eventually listened to it. At first, I didn’t really like the song. I also read articles about different trainees who caught people’s attention. For example, Jang Moonbok, for his appearance on a show where he rapped. Lee Euiwoong, for previously being on ‘Hello Counselor’. Park Jihoon for being “wink boy”. Keep in mind that I didn’t really pay attention to these articles at the time until I seriously got into PD101. 

In April or May, Katy showed me pictures of Bae Jinyoung, her favorite trainee. Now, a few days (or weeks?) before, she showed me pictures of other trainees (but I can’t remember who) and I was semi-interested. When she showed me Jinyoung, she asked me how old I thought he was. I thought he was one of those guys who looked really young but was actually older than how he looked so I guessed 21. Another person, one of our other friends, guessed 17. And she was the one who guessed correctly. And I looked at him again and said, “he’s pretty handsome” (or something along those lines).

In June, during the last week of school, I started falling in love with PD101. First I started out with clips of the boys. I re-watched the “Pick Me” performance and I’m now addicted to the song. The trainee I fell for was Park Jihoon. Remember the articles? I didn’t know Jihoon was wink boy until I think Katy told me. Or maybe I was watching the performance and was looking for him and I saw him wink. This was a couple weeks ago, please forgive me. 

Later, I fell for Bae Jinyoung. A week ago. I finally started watching the show and am currently making very slow progress. So far, I’ve watched episodes 1, 2, 3, 9, 10, and 11. Yes, I completely skipped over, but let me tell you that either way, I was very emotional for that finale.

But back to Jinyoung. Katy had been so obsessed with him, and then she revealed her real bias, Park Woojin. So, as I was watching clips, looking at blogs, getting to know the trainees, I noticed a boy. Two boys to be exact. Two trainees from CUBE Entertainment we call chicks. These boys are none other than Lai Guanlin and Yoo Seonho.

I don’t care if you say they don’t have talent. I’m still stanning them okay because that’s what development and practice are for. 

Aside from the trainees, the show itself was good. Besides Mnet’s evil editing, it was okay. I mean, if you were part of the Mnet staff, try getting 101 boys into a one hour episode. Yes there were favorites, but put yourself in their shoes. 

I didn’t realize I was so emotionally attached to the show and the trainees until I was watching the final episode live. I got up once, and it was to use the bathroom. But the whole time, I was screaming at my chromebook, crying into my hands, wiping the tears off of my cheeks, and talking to myself, telling myself to stop crying. When the episode stopped streaming (it completely stopped streaming right before they were going to announce Jihoon and Daniel’s ranking), I was torn. I wennt back to Tumblr and asked Katy for updates. And when she told me Daniel was 1st and Jihoon was 2nd, I was thrilled because I was actually getting updates. And then I asked for number 11, who had not been revealed yet. And then Katy said, “Ha Sungwoon”. Well, it was in all caps, but you get it. Basically I was bawling so much that I ended up making these weird sounds of happiness/sadness for all the other trainees that had gotten eliminated and the final lineup. And then Katy said something about Jonghyun being 14 and Samuel not making it and I got even more emo, probably sitting there mind-blown. And then I completely stopped functioning and stared at my screen thinking, ‘my boys did it, ohmygod, they did it. I’m so proud of them all’. Turns out I was mumbling to myself, according to my sister. 

I am still emotionally drained from that day (and it didn’t help that I had to follow someone around a wedding for two days; it’s a Hmong tradition). I will forever support my boys in Wanna-One and the boys who are going to debut/comeback or continue pursuing their dreams of becoming an idol.

Produce 101 Season 2. Thank you for bringing me on a emotional roller coaster ride. Thank you for allowing me to give you the title(s) of Broduce 101 and Adoption 101. 

I especially want to thank the trainees, who have found a way to my heart. I will always support you all and I will always be by your side.

The people I want to thank even more, are the people in the Produce 101 Family. We stick together, keep each other updated, and share our PD101 thoughts. We don’t all talk, but as a PD101/Wanna-One family, we always stick together. Thanks so much for having me, and I would love to tag you all. Just pray that I didn’t forget anybody. If I do, I’m sorry, but I do appreciate and love every single PD101/Wanna-One blog on Tumblr. :) I’m also sorry if I tag you twice :”)

@wannaoneioi @kpoppoopie @produced101 @produce101infocenter @produce-boys @produce101icons @peachgodkangdaniel @parkjiihoons @park-woojin @park-woojinbnm @parksjihoon @parkwoojinn @parkji-hoons @p-arkwoojin @daewi @daehwis @daeswhis @dabnielkang @ong-seungwoo @ong101 @ongssi @ongniels @seonnho @sewooned @seongwoosgf @seonhodaily @sewoonn @jung-sewoons @jeongsewoons @jeo-jang @kngdaniel @kangbaeks @gugulin @guanmint @guannlin @guanlini @seonhope @seonh0e @god-kangdaniel @geonhee @godkenta @godsewoon @godkangdaniel @donghans @kimsamueldeservedbetter @kimjonghyunx @kimdcnghyun @jongibugi @ji-hooon @jiiya-101 @justkiddingitskris @jusewoon @p-arkwoojin @lai-guanlin @lai-kuanlin @laiguacamole @peach-somi @minsbugi @misswannaone @extraongdinary @euiwoong @euigeon @eunkis-choker @lee-baehwi101 @lee-insoo @lee-in-soo @ramenrulz8p @realdefdani-pote @urijinyoung @useonho @incorrectbroducequotes @memduce @im-youngmin @pd101confessions @broduce101boyz @broduce-texts @brodueces101 @ahn-hyungseob @swoojin @deer-jinyoung @dayhwee @kngdaniel @jongibugi @hitoritabi @honqeunki @hongseobis @fykenta @fywoodam @fywannaone @fyboys101 @fykangdaniel @fy-parkjihoon @baejinvisual @bd101-translations @vvannaone101 @conversehighnotconverselow @cherry-youngmin @congstellation @99jihoons @sweetbabygirllor @jinguos @jinxhwi

Thanks so much again, and I love you all so much ^~^

Screaming at the Moon

Requested: “shawn and you always hated each other because secretly you were in love but weren’t brave enough to do smth. Your families are close so a day you went on a trip together and you fight but end up having passionate, rough, hard, deep, craving type of sex❤”

A/N: I do not write smut, and I try not to write things too suggestive because I’m just personally not comfortable writing that type of thing, so I apologize. I also apologize for the weird ending lol. I didn’t exactly know how to end it. Let me know if you want a part 2 or something!

“I can’t stand him! I don’t want to do this.” You complained to your best friend about Shawn Mendes. The teen pop sensation who you’ve known your whole life. You knew him before Vine and you knew him after. Your families were close friends and you two were forced to hang out a lot. Unfortunately, those times didn’t always end well for you. There was constant teasing and sarcasm between you and Shawn and you had friends that told you it was because he liked you, but you didn’t believe that for a second.

“He’s arrogant, and rude. And whenever he wears shorts, they’re way too short!“ You went on and on about everything you disliked about Shawn to your best friend.

“Y/N, you better stop talking, or else you’ll marry him or something.” Your best friend stopped you.

“No way, you’re crazy. That’s insane. I wouldn’t even go on a date with him!” Your eyes widened at your best friends words and you just shook your head. She shrugged and laughed along, grabbing clothes out of your dresser to help you pack. Your job had unexpectedly taken a sharp turn around the corner, causing you to travel often. This week, you were heading to Toronto, where of course, Shawn coincidentally was going to be playing a show that weekend. Your parents were close with Shawn’s parents, and so your family had decided on dragging themselves and your siblings all the way to Toronto to see Shawn perform. Your little sister loved Shawn, and so this whole plan seemed to work for everyone but you. You were an adult, and you made your own decisions. You went wherever you wanted whenever you wanted. You thought you’d be safe from going to Toronto with your family but of course, your job had other plans for you.

“I don’t believe in coincidences!” You remember your mother telling you over the phone, the night you found out your boss wanted you in Toronto. You complained for twenty minutes about how insane you thought it was that out of all places for your boss could send you, she wanted you exactly where Shawn was. Well…Not exactly. But you weren’t going to not visit your family. You just accepted the fact that you’d have to deal with Shawn. You liked the rest of his family and you were looking forward to seeing your own family. And so you forced a smile, and hauled yourself and your luggage out to Toronto, praying that you wouldn’t have to interact with Shawn too much.

——

The moonlight outside the window of your hotel room, blinded you even through the curtains. You had one small lamp on, but it seemed like you didn’t even need it. You sat on a comfy chair in front of a small desk working from your laptop, your eyes struggling to stay open. You were glad that your job was able to let you work from a laptop every once in a while, so you hoped you could get some things done tonight. Your family was out and about probably spending more time with Shawn’s family than they did with you. You visited them earlier, and you even said hi to Shawn, but you weren’t going to stay for his show, and you had work to do anyway. So here you were, 11pm at night, letting the cool air from outside come in through your window, hoping it would keep you awake. Your attention was drawn away from your laptop when you heard your phone go off. It was a text from your mom.

“Just finished dinner with the Mendes family. Shawn is on his way to see you. We all tried to stop him but he says he wants to catch up with you, and he didn’t believe us when we said you were busy with work. Be careful, and be nice!!”

What the hell? Your mind was in several different states of confusion as you read this text. You appreciated that your mom had texted you though, you loved that your relationship with your mother was good. She was like a 52 year old best friend, who knew more than your other best friends. You still couldn’t believe that Shawn was attempting to “visit you.” You were glad your mom warned you, but the more you thought about it, she probably was super nice to him about it happening. How else would Shawn know your room number? He wouldn’t, unless your parents told him. Your mom knew how much you disliked Shawn, but she also always wanted you to make peace with him. So even though she didn’t actually say it in her text, she probably was totally okay with Shawn coming to see you, and you bet she didn’t even actually try to stop him. Making peace with Shawn, or agreeing to disagree, or just being nice to him was always hard for you so you never did it. But right now, it seemed like maybe it was finally time to do that. The last time you actually had a conversation with Shawn was several years ago, and it didn’t end well. You wanted to believe that now you were both grown, and had forgotten about that time, but you could never forget it. That’s why you never spoke to him again, until now, when you heard a knock on your door.

You sighed heavily, and got up to open the door. You really didn’t want to. But there he was, his eyes looked as tired as yours, and his black zip up hoodie was hung over a grey t-shirt. His hair was scraggly, but it looked cute. Shawn was cute, always had been but what mattered most was how not cute his personality was.

“Y/N, hi.” He smiled weakly and put his hands together. You smiled back and let him in, turning on more lights in the room. You probably looked like a crazy person, sitting in the almost all dark, with your laptop open on that little table desk thing in the corner, and the mess you made earlier from room service.

“My mom texted me to let me know you were coming but.. What are you doing here?” You said as nicely as possible.

“Yeah, I’m sorry for not telling you myself. I just noticed you weren’t at dinner earlier and I wanted to catch up. How are you?” You stared at him with a confused look, and you were angry now. Not because of his odd gesture at catching up, but because he was acting like nothing bad ever happened between the two of you. And so you let him know, by speaking your mind.

“Are you serious? We hate each other, do we not? What makes you think you can just come see me and act like it’s okay?” You said with a harsh tone. You were done with those two seconds of trying to be nice.

“I figured you’d say that.” Shawn just laughed and looked at you like it was all a joke.

“Get out.” You said and walked over to the door to open it. He didn’t even have to say much to get you raging with anger.

“So you’re still the same bitch I knew a few years ago? You really haven’t changed?” Shawn spit out the words like it was nothing, and you stood there staring him down, ready to beat him up.

“Excuse me? You’re saying I’m the one who hasn’t changed? Meanwhile you have the nerve to come see me and say you wanna catch up when in reality you just wanna irritate me. You’ve always done that. You’ve always bothered me even after I’ve asked you not to several times. Who do you think you are?” You were walking away from the door now, and you getting closer to him. You were ready to yell and you thought that maybe if you got up in his face with your anger, it would scare him. That’s what happened last time anyway.

“I think I deserve an explanation as to why you hate me so much, and why you’re always so rude.” Shawn was backing away from you, and you could see he was nervous, but you weren’t sure why. His face got red whenever he was nervous, and he would look down at the ground like you didn’t exist. This is exactly what happened the last time you tried to have a conversation with him.

“I am never rude to you! And if I am, it’s only because you are to me first! I don’t take crap from people Shawn.” You we’re raising your voice now, and this was the beginning of another emotional war. Shawn was excellent at making you feel emotionally drained. You were both yelling now, and there was nothing in the way to stop the words that spilled from both of your mouths. It was all hatred.

“WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE? HOW COME YOU STILL HAVE TO BOTHER ME EVEN AFTER I TELL YOU NOT TO?“ You yelled at him as you walked closer, so close. So close now, that your noses were almost touching. There was a glass wall between the both of you, keeping you from any physical touch, but your emotions were running wild, and you hoped that getting this close to him would scare him away already.

“Don’t you think there’s a reason to that Y/N?” Shawn didn’t back away this time as he spoke. This time, his hand was on your neck, and you shivered at his touch.

“Don’t you think there’s a reason as to why I’m even here right now?” You wanted to back away from his touch, and you were surprised he had the courage to even come close to you. But you couldn’t move.

"And what’s that reason?” You let out weakly wiping your palms against your shorts. He didn’t say anything back, because instead he moved his mouth down to your neck. His lips burned onto your skin and you wanted to scream. You wanted to scream at the moon you stared at outside your window as Shawn’s hands traveled up your waist and his lips continued to work on your neck. The hatred and anger you felt towards Shawn was suddenly turned into lust and you were disgusted with yourself, and him. But it didn’t matter at this point anymore and you didn’t care. So you finally moved your body and place your hands on Shawn’s head, running your fingers through his hair. His mouth was slowly inching up your neck and he was now on your jawline, your cheek, your lips. Soon enough he was pushing you against the bed, and you fell backwards landing on the mattress.

  • Poor People: It's difficult to afford food.
  • Tired Argument #1: Just make everything from scratch
  • Person #1: I would love to, but I can't afford food in general, period, notwithstanding the fact that it's more expensive for me to make things from scratch, especially since I live no where near a source that sells the basic ingredients I would need to cook with.
  • Person #2: I'm disabled, I can't physically make everything from scratch, not only is it incredibly dangerous for me to attempt such a thing, but it's physically exhausting and emotionally draining.
  • Person #3: I work too many jobs, and am too busy I do not have enough time in the day to make everything from scratch by myself. My work hours barely allow for me to sleep.
  • Person #4: lmao, my EBT card doesn't cover basic ingredients, because the politicians in my state thought vegetables were too luxurious for me.
  • Tired Argument #2: You just aren't putting enough effort into it, make long trips, spend more time researching food prices, find the cheapest source. Do extreme couponing, like in that show. You just need to put your time and effort in.
  • Person's #1-4: Did you even read what we wrote?
  • Tired Argument #3: You just want to eat unhealthy
  • Person's #1-4: What the fuck are you talking about
  • And Repeat back to Tired Argument #1: Make everything from scratch.

Hey dreamers! Can you believe it? One year ago I started working on this project that came from a dream I had and I can’t believe it has turned into what it has. Daisuga makes me the happiest~ o(*^▽^*)o

Keep reading

I thought I owe everyone an update since many of you don’t follow my twitter account. I haven’t been around here for more than a week now and my blog is running on whatever content that is left in my queue. 

Things have been overwhelming for me for a long time now, and with the hectic schedule I have, and the medication I am taking for my chronic condition, things are getting worse for me both physically and mentally/emotionally. I am trying my best to accept what is going on and decided to take a break from social media as it has become emotionally-draining for me and, with everything that is going on, I am unable to have energy to interact and answer asks. Some aspects of those networks also make things worse for me (fandom drama). 

I can’t promise when I will be back, or if I ever will be (though I will make a statement in case I decide to deactivate forever). Most probably I will stay on this useless site but I will be updating irregularly. As for the queue, luckily I have too many posts there and so it will run with 7 posts a day for the next few weeks. 

I am at the intersection of huge life changing events at the moment and there is so much that I have to deal with. I’d rather channel what’s left of my physical energy (and it’s pretty low after the dramatic weight loss I went through) towards completing my daily work and research if I ever want to fulfill my dream of leading a peaceful, better life in the near future. 

Sorry for this sudden news, but I’ve really been struggling for a long, long time now.

xo
Nicole

One Week

Originally posted by andsowewalkalone

Pairing: Daryl x Reader, Daryl x cousin!Beth, Winchesters x sister!Reader
Word count
: 1,127

Part 10 of  2 Hours West


Your jaw was tight, waiting. “What?” You sighed, feeling yourself being drained. “Don’t say you want to be there because you feel guilty.” That was honestly the last thing that you wanted. “Don’t feel obligated.”

Licking his lips, he sighed. “How far you live from here?” He asked.

“Couple hours west.” You shrugged.

“Me, too.” Your eyebrows went up at that. “Give me your number, and I’ll give you mine. Give me a chance to sort through everything. Givin’ you an answer right now ain’t right.” Daryl said softly. “I ain’t gonna pick walkin’ away from my kid because I think I can’t be a dad, or bein’ there and tryin’ in a minute’s notice.” You nodded. “We can keep in touch, and I’ll let you know what I’m thinkin’.”

Thinking, you nodded, knowing he was right. However, you couldn’t sit around forever. “There’s a little park next to a baseball field right outside my town. I’ll text you the address. One. Week.” You told him before getting up and pulling out your phone.

You traded phones, and put in your information before handing them back. Hitting Dean’s name in your phone, you walked towards the food court, just wanting to get home.

Dean picked up your call quickly. “Hey Sis, what’s going on?” His voice was too chipper, you knew that he was hiding something.

“Dean, where are you guys? I am on my way.” You decided to wait and see what was going on, too emotionally drained to deal with anything else right now.

“We just decided to grab a quick snack from the food court, Chey got a little hungry.”

“Dean she just had ice cream.” You groaned, Chey was gonna be on a sugar rush for the rest of the day of they carried on like this.

Dean was quick to respond. “Hey I am the irresponsible Uncle, I am supposed to get her hopped up on sugar then return her to her mother.”

You walked around the corner spotting them instantly. You walked up behind Dean, slamming your hands on his shoulders make him scream. “That’s probably work for you, if it wasn’t for the fact that you live with your sister and niece. Therefore you have to deal with her sugar rush too.”

Dean glared at you, before his eyes widened and he looked over to Chey, who was practically buzzing in her seat. “Dammit.” He whispered.

You looked at the pile of bags sat in the seat beside Chey. “What is all that?”

“Just some toys for Chey.” Sam replied, scratching his cheek.

You slapped the back of his head gently. “When I said go to the toy store I meant pick one thing, not everything.”

Chey quickly got up off of her seat. “It’s not everything Mommy, pwomise.” She reached into the top bag. “Look Mommy, Unca Dean said I could get this for you.” She held out a soft brown bear, holding a heart that said “Best Mommy.”

Your face softened at that, smiling. “Thank you, baby girl.” You crouched, giving her a hug.

Keep reading

So I passed out while writing ships earlier

I’m still writing them. I promise. I just don’t know how much writing is going to get done tomorrow. I have several doctors appointments as well as therapy and a family obligation. I will do as much as I can but I need my computer to write them - I can’t get them done on mobile.

I feel I should also explain to you guys my weird sleeping habits and odd, constant doctors appointments.

As I said in an answer to an ask, I have cancer. And it’s starting to get to me. Both physically and emotionally. I’ve been horrendously depressed and very stressed out over just making it through the day. Writing ships and imagines makes me really happy because you guys seem to like them, but it’s exhausting. I’m NOT closing requests. Requests will ALWAYS be open.

I AM however going to ask all of you to be a little patient with me. I’m very sick and always tired. I know plenty of people here have suffered from it but depression (alongside my illness) is draining and I fall asleep with little to no warning anymore. I will do as much as I can at once, but please have patience. All of your requests will be answered before the weekend. I promise.

Thanks for listening and for your understanding y'all. I love you guys more than anything 💖

Lessons from Disney Marathon Training - Week 9 

This was not the best week. I’m all for keeping this real and not filtering my experiences to make everything sound wonderful. I’ve been dealing with a delicate family situation for the majority of this week. I’ve been so emotionally drained that I just could not muster up the energy to get most of these runs in, especially on the cold, rainy days we’ve been having. I am a person first, running is secondary. I prioritized my emotional well-being this week and I think it was the best decision I could have made if I want to make it through the next 9 weeks of training. 

But running-wise, I did have two huge breakthroughs this week: 

  • I ran my 8 mile tempo run faster than I ever thought possible. It was cold and my sleeve was covering my watch so I just ran comfortably hard the entire time. I can’t believe I managed to run this fast for so long. Game changer for my mental game. 
  • My plan jumped from a 10 mile long run to 15 miles this week. I had been so terrified of such a long distance. The last time I ran distances this long I had my group for support. I’ve only run a distance this long alone once and it was a disaster. But the distance felt so easy this time around. I stayed present in each 5 mile chunk - starting conservatively and finishing strong. I can’t believe how effortless the run felt, even with all the runs I skipped this week. 

The first 9 weeks of training have been incredible. Guess the third round of marathon training really is the charm? Things are clicking and I can’t believe how strong I am these days - physically and mentally. Can’t wait to see what the next 9 weeks bring. 

im so emotionally drained since a few months. i realize now that what is about to happen tonight is not about alex and maggie, not about the Sanvers we know and love, not about season 2 sanvers, it’s just about writing out a character and a relationship in a really really bad and ooc way. it’s not Them, not really. they did us dirty til the end, from the proposal to the bridal shower, and im gonna miss maggie immensely. i am SO gonna miss her, it hurts.

OOC Update

//So there are some extremely big life thingsTM happening, and I dunno what my activity will be like for the forseeable future. I tend to turn to writing when I am stressed, so I definitely don’t see the IRL issues stopping me from RP entirely, but things are definitely a bit.. rocky, to put it well. 

There is a chance I will take a sudden and unexpected hiatus, for an indeterminate amount of time. I am trying to avoid this, but it remains a possibility. 

That said, I’m not feeling up to a lot of replies at this time, and I know that there are a few of you waiting for me to get to your replies, and I apologize for that. I’m just sort of emotionally drained by whats going on IRL and it’s making it difficult to find the energy to write. 

I appreciate every single one of you and all of the patience you are kind enough to show me regarding my activity and reply speed. Please know that it means a lot. ♥

Hello my darlings,

I know it has been an awfully long time since I have posted ANYTHING on this blog (this is why you should follow me on instagram @chrystakay. I post nearly every day). But I am here now to share some updates and recaps of my summer!

First of all, this summer I took a profound leap and became a full time artist. I made the conscious decision to quit my day job. I won’t go into detail, but that work environment left me exhausted, emotionally drained, and incredibly anxious. Not the ideal situation for an aspiring artist. After some grand opportunities and a few strong signs from the universe, I made the call and changed my reality! Since making this leap I have gained so much confidence, joy and contentment in my life. Something I thought would always be out of my reach. But here I am, living my dreams and making this lifestyle work for me.

Second of all, I went on the trip of a lifetime to Amsterdam, where I exhibited my work at the Amsterdam International Art Fair. It was a life-changing experience and I am so blessed I had he opportunity to go, and fulfill yet another dream of mine. To see a vlog of this trip, follow this link - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lmMhZ-HFxU

And lastly, I have opened my very own Redbubble shop. Which to my surprise has been wildly successful! As such I am making a serious effort to create new designs and upload to my shop on a regular (almost weekly) basis. If you would like to browse groovy items featuring my work, click here - chrystakay.redbubble.com

Thank you all so much for being with me on this crazy journey of mine. I really do hope that I inspire you to follow your dreams, be creative, and be fearless in your efforts!

All my love.

Chrysta Kay

Clarke got down on ONE knee, while Lexa got down on TWO. Wanheda is publicly bowing to Lexa, but Clarke isn’t. Clarke on a personal level isn’t bowing to Lexa; this is all politics. While, in private, Lexa bowing is showing that both Heda and Lexa are bowing to Clarke out of respect and loyalty. Lexa is going on both knees to show that she on a personal level won’t betray Clarke (treat your needs as my own), and won’t on a political one (your people as my people). 

She is also doing this to show how she and Clarke are equals. Same as me. It is a partnership of mutual respect and power, even if in the political landscape Lexa is above Clarke. Clarke sees the sincerity behind Lexa’s words and actions and gives Lexa a helping hand up. They are in this together; they were both born for this.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH ( obriensnipples ) U NERD

HAVE SOME CHEF!DEREK AND CHEF!STILES

Stiles glares at a crate of avocados.

He reaches out to test another one, squeezing it gently to test for its ripeness, but once again it turns out hard. He’s pretty sure he’s been through three fourths of the crate at this point and all of them are too firm. Really, he should have bought some when he last went shopping to give them time to ripen, but, then again, his cravings can be unpredictable at times. And he really wants fresh guacamole, like, today.

Sighing, he considers abandoning the farmers market and braving the local chain grocery store, but just as he’s reaching out to try one last avocado, someone else’s hand darts out to grab it.

“Hey!” Stiles yelps as his hand is knocked out of the way. He turns his glare on the intruder, losing hold of his anger for a moment as he takes in the man’s broad chest and perfectly groomed stubble.

However, as soon as he sees the avocado skin flex perfectly under the man’s fingers, he just about sees red.

“Oh my god,” he hisses, launching himself at the avocado. “Give me that!”

“What the hell?” the guy replies, jerking his hands away and holding the avocado away from Stiles’ reach. “What the fuck is your problem?”

“I have spent the last hour searching the entire market for a ripe avocado and you just waltz on in and find it on the first try,” Stiles growls, glare still sharp.

“So?” Tall, Dark, and Stubbly asks, unmoved.

“So don’t you think it’s only fair – ” Stiles starts, but Avocado Asshole cuts him off.

“No,” he snorts, placing the avocado in a plastic bag and heading over to the stall owner to pay. “It’s not my fault you suck at finding the best produce.”

“I’m clearly just unlucky!” Stiles shouts at Avocado Asshole’s retreating back, hands curled up into fists at his sides.

He finally finds ripe, but badly bruised, avocados at a mega chain grocery store an hour and a half later. However, it’s only once he gets home that he realizes he forgot to get tomatoes.

Fuck his life.

Keep reading